Just wanted to say I’m DEEPLY thankful for you Ms. Fairy and really for all the people that share their insight’s knowledge on this platform called KZread to anyone and everyone who needs it, I believe with all my heart what you do is God’s work, thank you so much

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

16 күн бұрын

Thank you for your kind words! -Calista@TeamFairy

It's not that I want to re-create my childhood; it's just that I haven't unlearned my childhood reactions to trauma.

@brianfreeman2200

10 күн бұрын

I did. The problem is that I had a TBI and I have to unlearn all of these things again and the only way I can is by putting myself into this exact same situation that I had at a very inconvenient time with more reaction to trauma

i just want to put this out there: IGNORE THE MANIFESTATION & YOU ATTRACT WHAT YOU ARE CRAP. i started believing in that and i felt worse about myself, feeling like i ahd attracted a sociopath and a narcissist. granted, my issues prevented me from leaving them sooner, but i didn`t attract what i am. i am a human full of LOVE

@PaigeSquared

17 күн бұрын

No, you didn't attract them. They targeted you. But you were groomed, before being targeted. There was a reason you were targeted; certain belief systems made you a "good" fit for the relationship, there is a reason we stay for so long. Even when we know they aren't seeing us. I've done the repetition compulsion thing for multiple decades. The psychopathy became more hidden each time, more covert. Until I understood how someone could be "nice" and also "cruel." The last boyfriend in that cycle finally forced me to see it; there was a toxic streak in my mom. There *was* conditional love in my childhood, even though my family had the white picket fence exterior. She *only* showed this streak to my Dad and myself; my Dad passed feeling like a burden ten years ago. Now, funny enough, I feel like the burden. Not a coincidence. I had to study very closely, I had to be able to define the line of what is "functional" and safe vs dysfunctional or unsafe. I had to find the places where I was too forgiving, and I had to learn that we can bulldoze our own selves, our own boundaries, and that they exist whether we enforce them or not. A parent can bulldoze our boundaries without either party being aware. We normalize the love we received as kids, like fish would normalize the water they swim in. We do not see it, there is a giant blind spot. We can be open hearted and big loving, and also we can be enablers, without realizing. I am working on that now. A balance between the human love and the divine wisdom; I was following my heart but not the wisdom that I knew, I was too forgiving. Not that anyone doesn't "deserve" forgiveness, but to my own detriment, I stayed in situations where I had to walk away. I knew I couldn't get through, I knew we weren't talking, I knew it wasn't right. At some point, we have to decide to honor ourselves. Because if we do not, no one else will.

@laineymac8430

16 күн бұрын

Thank you for this. I've had a series of personal tragedies happen over a number of years; so much so, my friends and I joke that I'm cursed. But I've had a lot of new ages types tell me that I manifested them. I think it's unbelievably cruel to tell someone who's suffering that it's all their fault. I also admit that I've made bad choices where relationships are concerned but I didn't fabricate these people into being to show up in my life.

@andziagreen4922

16 күн бұрын

I hear you. I thought the same when I heard some of those manifestations gurus.

@andziagreen4922

16 күн бұрын

​@@PaigeSquaredbeautiful explanation 👏 it was a pleasure to read it

@rsnc23

16 күн бұрын

You need a lot of psychotherapy.

When you grow up in abuse you do everything you can to survive. So you become very compliant and people pleasing etc. So you attract the bullies and crazy makers because anyone with good boundaries wouldn’t let them in.

"Making you incredibly good at adapting to horrible circumstances"...I became a pro at this one 😢

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

16 күн бұрын

Many of us did! Glad you have found this channel. Hope you will find help here! Nika@TeamFairy

@allisontison40

15 күн бұрын

The skill of solving problems can be softened by saying, mmmm I’m not sure how to fix this, let me think about it. Even saying, I need to research this at work can be a nice way to delay, and think about how to accomplish your goal. It also sounds smart and professional.

It wasn’t until my sister moved in next door to me in 2021 that I realized that being around me was exhausting. Because being around her was exhausting, and I was very similar. Then I visited my Mom and realized that being around her was also exhausting. An entire family of needy, late, clingy, self absorbed people who were incapable of being generous of spirit, but expected everyone else to cater to their needs and desires and triggers. Including myself. It was a very hard look in the mirror that made me wake up and realize I needed to do something drastic to fix myself or stay miserable the rest of my life. I’m not late to meet friends anymore. I’m much better about not interrupting people. I’m less selfish. I thought for years that I was such a good person and that others owed me their friendship. Now I realize I was a terrible friend. And I don’t blame people for not wanting to be around me.

@rachelness366

12 күн бұрын

Wow that is some good shadow work you did there and took great humility and courage.

@goodgrief888

12 күн бұрын

@@rachelness366 Thank you, I appreciated that. I wish I could save my sister but she’s too far gone, so I am just peacefully backing away from my relationship with her.

I’m not looking to recreate my childhood, I’m looking to recognize the true self that was shattered as a child, and pick up the pieces and move on from where I left off.

I am 56 and I haven’t seen an emotionally healthy person. Everyone has some kind of trauma.

@jac1161

13 күн бұрын

sadly, it's because very few have the humility and work ethic to face their trauma and get crackin, which makes the more narcissist than anything else.

Because of this I nearly died . I will never let anyone treat me badly again .

It's so very empowering to finally have boundaries, and to state verbally what you will and will not accept from others. We teach others how to treat us, so grab your boundaries and hang on to them for dear life.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

16 күн бұрын

Absolutely! Glad you made it! Nika@TeamFairy

I sure wish I'd found your video's sooner. I'm turning 71 soon and have stayed single and away from getting close to anyone for the last 25 years. After retiring it was easy to become a hermit. I'd kept attracting total AH's when dating and couldn't take it anymore. I've been to several counselors over the years but no one hit on the problem like you or actually helped me. They knew of my past and I was diagnosed with ptsd but all we did was talk therapy and go over and over the abuse making it worse not better. So I quit. I wanted to get past it not be constantly reliving it. I resigned myself to the fact that I'd never know what it's like to be loved unconditionally by a man and gave up. I was able to love my children that way and I know they loved me. But I pulled away from anyone else. I got a dog and found her to be the most loyal friend I'd ever had. She's 19 now and won't be around a lot longer. I tell people I like dogs better than people. They're more loyal. I have no family except my children as I disowned them many years ago due to the abuse. As I'm getting older I'm getting lonely and wishing I could trust myself enough to connect with others. Watching your videos is giving me hope. It's nice to finally understand why I'm this way. I look forward to learning more. Thank you so very much for doing these videos for free so I can finally get the help I need to heal.

@coachkimsiegel

16 күн бұрын

Praying for you sir. You are worth love!

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

16 күн бұрын

We're all sending you support and encouragement :) -Calista@TeamFairy

@user-jb4xv4im9o

16 күн бұрын

@@coachkimsiegel I'm a woman who raised her children alone with no help, I guess I should have stated that in my original post.

@user-jb4xv4im9o

16 күн бұрын

@@CrappyChildhoodFairy Thank you so much. I'm grateful I found your videos at a time when I was struggling with all the feelings again and unable to afford help. Lately I've needed help but couldn't get it as I'm struggling financially being retired, getting such a small amount on SS and feeling like a failure as I'm unable to keep up with house and car repairs since I made so little as a single mother due to putting my children 1st and taking jobs that allowed me more time with them because they're on the autism spectrum but both very intelligent so they needed me around. It was important to me that they felt they had a loving mother who would be there and protect them not a mother like I had so I don't regret it as they never knew how I struggled to provide for them and my daughter even thought we were rich as we did so much and enjoyed life. I am happy they felt cared for. All the violence in the world now seems to have brought the memories of living in fear all the time up again. And I'm not as physically strong and able to do the repairs on my home myself like I used to due to becoming ill and being hospitalized due to a medical mistake 2 years ago. The living in fear I'll end up homeless in this violent world like so many seniors have due to costs for everything going up so fast and It getting so hard for everyone keeps me on guard and anxious. I am fortunate though that my house payments are less than half what rent would be for a 1bd apartment even though it's in disrepair. At least I have a roof over my head when many don't. And I'm finally learning how to cope with my past which will make me cope better now, thanks to you.

@mosbornio8249

13 күн бұрын

I know what you mean this scary world is making me worried and my trauma wounds active. You have done a great job raising your children but now you need help. At 63 I am just now learning how important it is to have a church family. I sure wish I had one growing up. But it’s never too late. You may want to reach out to a church that shares your beliefs and ask if they can help you out. 💕

I think the basis of "you are recreating your childhood" comes from the patterns rather than a want. It's also true on that basis. We DO often recreate our trauma because it feels safer than the unknown-edited since many don't read the comments lol

@siriusfun

17 күн бұрын

I don't find anything about trauma feels 'safe'. Perhaps you mean familiar? They're definitely mutually exclusive.

@kaylareeder4449

17 күн бұрын

@@siriusfun I see what you're saying! In comparison to choosing something unfamiliar, it DOES feel like the safer option, though.

@briannenurse4640

17 күн бұрын

@@kaylareeder4449 It's a hijacked risk/reward ratio. We're afraid of the unknown, often to the point where we will stay in something familiar to avoid it. Trauma messes with our ability to accurately gauge the danger, thus causing people to erroneously assume that staying with what they know is going to be better than trying something new, strange, and unfamiliar.

@briannenurse4640

17 күн бұрын

@@siriusfun It's more like the familiar patterns feel safer than attempting something fully new and unknown. It's a relative thing.

@iloveFreedom.

17 күн бұрын

Yeah to both/ distortion of " safety" when I was stuck in pain body with no boundaries ignoring my intuition Familiar in that I over compensated for what I cd emphatically pick up on / exhausting n draining myself trying to create the illusion of safety ... Yet in fear/ in reality; no me ! Unknown is love / I'm letting love in now / saying oh hello me there you are / here I am / let's see how Love is showing up and play with thAt .. Coz if I'm listening to my inner child I feel connected somehow Being the artist of my own life Gosh it's weird saying no to stuff It feels good/ bit by bit🐞 More space to breathe ❤and create new 🦋🎶 Best wishes everyone Thankyou❤

Exactly! I don't want crap anymore. We deserve better!!

My only regret is that it took too long to understand why. No clear answers; however at least I’m getting clarity and this is the key to living in freedom from CPTSD

@carolynhannaford7382

17 күн бұрын

And yes-I wanted to be tough and pretend nothing was happening. Also as children I really did experience don’t talk, don’t tell

@gottabme

17 күн бұрын

THIS........................ 👆

@SteeleMagnolia

16 күн бұрын

Exactly. The knowledge that I've discovered online, in the last 5+ years, has been the best, but at the age of 60 I feel that I've been cheated out of so much of life. What I can do is share my knowledge with those that need the same help, and give them hope that life can be better.

@barbarav4046

15 күн бұрын

@@SteeleMagnolia I feel cheated, too. Wish this knowledge could have been available ages ago. Guess we have to make the best of it although I do understand what you mean

We don't intentionally sabotage ourselves... I believe this unfortunately is all we know and we don't know any better... Sad😢...

Therapists can sometimes to a lot of harm; the suggestion of “wanting to recreate your childhood” is so devaluing and devastating. Who would ever want to experience that kind of pain? Ditto with “choosing” alcoholics or “addicts”. It’s NOT a matter of choosing someone that is familiar; it’s a matter of naïveté and not even knowing that there are other kinds of people out there. How are we supposed to know what a loving, solid partner is when you’ve never seen it or never experienced it? It took me a lifetime to learn the difference and I dearly wish others to be spared these hard life lessons. It is a massive insult to injury when someone suggests a childhood trauma survivor would actually seek to be hurt again. :(

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

16 күн бұрын

I hear you!

@monicasmessages

15 күн бұрын

@@CrappyChildhoodFairy ♥️

@dikumar15

11 күн бұрын

Wow your comment really touched me❤

I’m from a military upraising with ten siblings (I’m number 4) and the cruelty I experienced then has impacted my life in negative ways. My previous therapies always focused on cognitive behavioral therapy, and did not delve into any of the issues I feel that your podcast highlights for me. Again this is good to know what you’re sharing. Sooo helpful as I understand myself better. Thank you!!!🙏

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

16 күн бұрын

I'm so glad Anna has been helpful! -Calista@TeamFairy

@SteeleMagnolia

16 күн бұрын

And we are so anxious to trust anyone that gives us attention, any kind of attention, because we never had it when we needed it.

@carolynhannaford7382

16 күн бұрын

@@SteeleMagnolia exactly. I’m re-learning

I’m a 49 year old woman with a history of child abuse, and neglect, and religious abuse, followed by religious shunning. To say I’ve had a big issue with abandonment, is an understatement! I’m finally healing the deep trauma I was carrying, and I’m single with adult children. Thankfully there isn’t anyone to have to cut out, and I get to add people to my life when I’m ready. This is a big thing I need to focus on for my healing!! Thank you for talking about it!!!! ❤

@kmom9070

16 күн бұрын

50 here same same same! I'm healing and rebuilding too😊

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

16 күн бұрын

We're all rooting for you! -Calista@TeamFairy

As a gay male, this is different for me. When I started liking someone, my parents blew it up. I just stopped trying to see anyone romantically because it never worked, and I always ended up hurt emotionally and beaten up by my dad. I got labeled a head case by others because it was obvious I was scared to like anybody.

@AMonteiro4

9 күн бұрын

What you went through was horrible. I hope you have distance from your parents & you are able to live life on your terms. ❤

I feel like I'm impossible to fix. I finally met a guy in real life instead of online amd we talked for hours on the phone for a week. And then when we meet again I could tell he lost interest. And I told myself, "it's just in my head" but then the next day he gave me the it's not you it's me talk. I have no I idea why thus happens. This is why I feel hopless. It hurts more to try but it also hurts just as much to be alone. And shit, therapy is expensive!

I absolutely was told, and believed, that I was going through some karmic repetition that I was destined for. What I only realized very recently, was that my entire family behaved in a trauma response way that pushed others away. Including me. The desperation, the clinging, the lashing out, the crying, the constant pain of being an open wound - who would want to be around that? Not me! I

I would like to see videos for seniors. I'm 67 and I'm still working on the same issues.

@andromeda1903

17 күн бұрын

i think her videos can apply to people of any age

@kathyperryman8056

17 күн бұрын

Yes, I’m few years older and find all of this exhausting and frustrating. Thought the golden years would be easier, with peace and contentment. These abandonment issues are gift that keeps on giving.

@carolynhannaford7382

16 күн бұрын

🤗

@cloudmountaindog8537

9 күн бұрын

@jodee8687　Yes. I’m feeling black pilled. I see the red flags a mile away, and the moment I see, I run. After decades of the stuff, I just don’t want any more and it seems that genuinely safe people are extremely rare. I don’t particularly like being a hermit.

(sorry, I'm kinda live-commenting as I watch.) "Can you admit, what you really want, and get that on paper?" No. Nope. I've hid it SO thoroughly that I even pretend to myself that I have no idea what I want.

@briannenurse4640

17 күн бұрын

Something to work on, then.

@madwilliamflint

17 күн бұрын

@@briannenurse4640 HA! Well, yes.

@iloveFreedom.

17 күн бұрын

Woah yes ! Apparently confusion is a common theme among ch tr experiencers / aswel as Anna❤) Patrick Teahan is Brilliant at decipherin this stuff/ if this is if any interest)

@ushere5791

16 күн бұрын

yup. i have that, too, especially around sex. no idea what i want for the most part. so i'm starting small. i DO know that i want to feel safe. i want to feel loved, appreciated, valued exactly the way i am--perhaps even *because* i am who/what i am. anna made me face up to the fact that i DO want to be married if it's to the right person. that whole thought made me break out in a cold sweat for, i dunno, months. and yes--i'm learning slowly what i want, and yes--i know i may never get what i want. but i'm surrendering to what i want by admitting all those desires and not fighting them any more...admitting to myself that it's ok to want stuff and to dream big relationship-wise...and that alone is a huge relief.

@briannenurse4640

16 күн бұрын

@@ushere5791 Proud of you friend!!

Impulsiveness of pushing people away or rushing in from emotional/neurological wounds of abuse and neglect.

Affirmation-I am healed and I am grateful and I love people who are healed and grateful.

@mgn1621

13 күн бұрын

Lol tell that to your dyregulated nervous system.

Focusing on my feelings got me only so far. Stepping back from them and observing what im doing and why im doing is immensely helpful. Certainly makes life easier for my family 😊

@ushere5791

16 күн бұрын

amen! we are not our bodies. we are not even our minds. we are not our thoughts. we are not our emotions; we are not our feelings. what we are is the awareness of our bodies, minds, thoughts, emotions, and feelings. none of the other stuff defines us.

Not wanting marriage isn’t necessarily a trauma response. It feels like an antiquated perspective to think everyone should want marriage or lifelong monogamy. They are cultural norms that don’t fit a lot of people, especially LGBTQ people and not wanting that cultural norm isn’t pathological.

@jac1161

13 күн бұрын

even from a secular, evolutionary standpoint, it's not 'antiquated'..it's natural and healthy to "do" life with a partner.

@aldensparks5844

8 күн бұрын

Yep! I came here and commented about this. I'm neurodivergent and LGBTQ+. I do not want marriage. Wanting to experience a long-term relationship or even a lifelong partnership does not equate to a marriage. And it's not pathological to not want one.

I watched a video you did previously, re-traumatization is a thing I've seen a lot. The subconscious comfort of being in a familiar if not bad situation. I dated someone with CPTSD and his therapist pointed out anger issues. In the end the relationship ended because I could no longer fight for someone determined to fight me, even when I was trying to help and support. I lost myself trying to keep them calm and walk on eggshells. I had to withdraw, a friend said I acted like a prisoner when I was with them. They were absorbed in the negativity and insecurities they were buried under as a child. And it hurts because I know this is a good person but they're stuck in this anger loop where the whole world is out to hurt them, even someone that loves them and wants them to find happiness and success.

I agree with you. My mother was quite upfront that she did not love me. Emotionally abandoned me from the get go. I waited until my mid 30s before I got married and thought the guy was opposite to my Mom. He was social, my mother was anti-social. He could give a hug or kiss whereas my mother never ever even hugged me. Thought he was polar opposite. Unfortunately, found out later he was also a narc and knowing what my mother was like, and that I was after someone polar opposite, that's what he became. He modelled his fake persona on what he needed to do at the time to win me over (and have access to my resources).

oh, amen--get BAD at fitting to crap! i've spent my whole life being the help, and i really do like to think that there's a relationship out there for me where someone is ready, willing, and able to help me, too, so that the relationship sustains both of us. :)

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

15 күн бұрын

We're all rooting for you! -Calista@TeamFairy

This has been life story my dad left after my parents divorced. No one cared how I felt and as an adult I’ve suffered

Frankly, any mental health professional that says this is not trauma-informed. No one wants to intentionally re-create their past or invite more trauma/pain in their lives. We learn about ourselves by noticing our patterns, learning from them, and making new choices/decisions about our lives. As survivors, we can have the self-determination, self-agency, and awareness to align ourselves with what we truly want/deserve from life and pave the path forward- thats how you elevate to become a thriver.

@SteeleMagnolia

16 күн бұрын

Well said!

A life long time commitment is not provided necessarily by a marriage..I think Anna insists on this a lot

My consistent problem is brain fog, as if everything that screams RED FLAG, RUN AWAY evaporates and then I find myself depressed and in a situation I don't want to be in. It feels like an out-of-body experience, like I'm stuck in my head floating in space. Some insights I've had, and use, is if I'm depressed then I know I'm in the wrong situation (love life, work, anything really). It took a long time to acknowledge that depression was a definite brain fog red flag warning, not just some low-level biological problem that one therapist insisted was the problem and wanted to put me on antidepressants. BTW, antidepressants didn't work for me. The other thing I know I need is happy physical stimulation. Riding my bicycle, roller skating (those make me feel like a kid again), swimming, climbing a tree or just taking a quick 2 block sprint. It gets me back in my body and shakes off the brain fog. I try to do something like that a few times each week to keep my focus.

@annemurphy8074

16 күн бұрын

That floating out of body is dissociation.

I’m hurting. I want very much to change my life and my patterns. I feel that I have made a lot of progress, but I still have not found friendly people to relate to. Where are they??

@andromeda1903

17 күн бұрын

same!

@Gypsygal1024

17 күн бұрын

In this comment section lol

@iloveFreedom.

17 күн бұрын

😊 waiting for us to join them too I guess

@alexarobinson2850

17 күн бұрын

Check out ACA 12 Steps. They really get it and are often the nicest people

@spacegirl226

17 күн бұрын

I wonder that myself.

I wish I could get a hold of someone like you and just really tear it all up for about 80 hours over a month or two. My therapist, great as she is, is still pretty hands off. For the record I think that's exactly the right play. But sometimes I just want to have a deep rich conversation about the underlying processes. Sure, I'll use myself as an example in the conversation. But trying to understand the scaffolding behind the facade is driving me bananas. This is why I love your channel, Dr. Ramani's (sp?) and a couple/few others as well. It's not QUITE a conversation. But it's about as close as I can expect I'll ever get. Thanks. o7

@fatherburning358

17 күн бұрын

Totally agree. Just want to go deep and have at it with the structure that you can't quite change just yet. Well said 💪👍

@madwilliamflint

17 күн бұрын

@@fatherburning358 Right? Therapy's great. But it's very "from the outside in." I want a serious brain dump of what the mechanisms are so that my own navel gazing is more productive than simple navel gazing.

@fatherburning358

17 күн бұрын

@@madwilliamflint absolutely. I have been sober just over are year and I'm on fire with wanting to sort my shut out and thrive, for my kids. Frustrating 🤦

@madwilliamflint

17 күн бұрын

@@fatherburning358 Dude, awesome!

@fatherburning358

17 күн бұрын

@@madwilliamflint thanks man. I love it. 💪👍🔥

It may look like trying to re create bad circumstances, but really that is not the intention. If you have cptsd from childhood, you learned toxic strategies,problemagic behaviours, and you implement them into your adult life. Why? because you did not learn anything else! It is super hard to re-learn better behavioural patterns, especially in close relationships, since they are triggering. It is a super slow process, but it is worth it.

It's like how manifesting works. It's the story you keep on believing, so it shows up for you as you believe. If you change your story to never getting abandoned, you will see that story playing out.

@mintyhippo8125

16 күн бұрын

Not to be a bummer, but that has not been my experience. I’ve had friends that I thought for sure would be for the long haul - we seemed to communicate openly, we spent a lot of time together (but weren’t inseparable or anything), I got along with their other friends, etc. and then just out of the blue, they decided the friendship wasn’t for them anymore and I haven’t talked to them since. It sucks and it’s confusing. Of course goals and mindset are important, but it’s not everything. Sometimes bad things happen, and those things suck, but it doesn’t mean you are doomed. That’s the lesson, I think.

I get so frustrated when I take ten steps forward to heal and 1000 back when the emotional flashbacks from what happened hit....I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy, it's difficult

Thank you so much for not putting adverts in your video. Thank you of course for this content. I had no idea I was so messed up! Lol I was neglected and bullied and I've allowed people to treat me so badly over the years. Now I see it clearly I hope I will be more aware of the red flags, and more self advocating. Thank you x

I'm retired & don't want to date! Am I in denial?

@Captain_MonsterFart

16 күн бұрын

Nope! You don't have to want to "be" with anyone.

@katella

16 күн бұрын

Considering who's available to date, no, it is completely understandable.

@jac1161

13 күн бұрын

damn 'smart' devices replaced humanity. I want to date, but I want to date a HUMAN, and one who is also either working on themselves, or at least capable of communication, loving ad being loved. And NOT a porn user - that's another destructive element.

@sxwrtr918

11 күн бұрын

Navigating the abundant supply of losers, flakes, game players, immatures, undesirables, clearance-bin rejects...not to mention abusers...is quickly exhausting, especially after a certain point in life. No, I don't blame you.

@patm.-xq5tr

11 күн бұрын

​​@@sxwrtr918 "Clearance bin rejects" - funny! 🤣

I used to go for emotionally unavailable partners and while dating, push away the ones that showed emotions. I've now married to someone who loves me unconditionally.

Anna, I can’t shake the feeling that “healthy” people and “healthy” relationships are a pipe dream. Even if I put in the work to become my best self, there is no guarantee that I will ever encounter someone who does the same. And even if I do, there is no guarantee that things will work out. My abandonment wounds are so painful that I’m terrified to take a risk only to be disappointed in the end. I’ve been hurt so many times that I can’t take it anymore.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

11 күн бұрын

I highly recommend you the Daily Practice. It is a great way to process fears and resentment. If you’re interested, you can try it for free here: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice Nika@TeamFairy

It's true though: we subconsciously recreate that which we're used to from our childhood - no matter how bad it was. It takes lots of inner work to break that conditioning.

@Alinda1308

16 күн бұрын

Yeah, I honestly see the patterns between my relationships and what I experienced in my childhood. Of course it can be different for other people, but for me it makes sense that we tend to recreate our childhood to try to "fix" it

@mintyhippo8125

16 күн бұрын

I think we fall into the same patterns because we tend to like/be familiar with the same personalities. Saying that we are “making ourself suffer to prove a point to ourselves” is unfair to tell yourself. Why would you actively CHOOSE to suffer if you knew how to not? There are ways to heal without causing more damage. I think it is logical that we end up in similar situations, but framing it as “you did it to yourself to learn” or “we recreate our childhood to heal,” kinda makes it seem like it’s a good thing to be in unhealthy relationships. Or, it can also just make us feel worse like, “you mean I did this to myself the whole time?” When the real issue is that you are wounded. You are a victim of abuse and were not given the proper skills to find healthy relationships. That is not your FAULT. New relationships bring up issues from old relationships, of course. But that’s true in even healthy, good, loving relationships. You can learn how to improve and face the harshness of your childhood with support. If an issue is big enough, you’re going to be reminded of it no matter what.

Abandonment melange actually does go away as soon as you learn what it is and start recognizing it. 😁🙌🏼

@SunsetterJ

16 күн бұрын

That is true! Last year I experienced that when my limerence had to end. The worst pain I ever experienced, and funnily enough it got me wonder - why does this hurt so much??? It’s not like I lost a child or some tragedy happened, what on earth is this??? And from that point on just by “observing “ and following Anna’s advice and videos, now after one year of that abandonment melange I do not feel like I even have a scar. And I thought honestly I would die of pain or will have to kill myself just to end the pain. I think this was precious experience. I am much much better now and healing other issues. But the abandonment wound was the most painful.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

15 күн бұрын

Thank you for sharing your experience with us. So glad to hear you overcame the pain, and that Anna's content helped you heal! Keep up the great work! Nika@TeamFairy

What a light in the world you are, Anna. Thank you so deeply for yet another profoundly moving and healing video. Just amazing work. ❤

i think the recreating ur childhood means u have the subconsious urge to get the things that were lacking in ur childhood from similar people as ur parents etc, so ur kind of recreating the dynamic and hope it ends better in adulthood

I cannot forget the atrocities done to me in childhood, many by family. I've broken away from most family , just to heal from it all. 💔

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

10 күн бұрын

If you are interested, try Daily Practice. It is a great way to process fears and resentment. If you’re interested, you can try it for free here: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice Nika@TeamFairy

I get tired of people saying I’m overreacting to everything and everyone they don’t understand what abandonment does to the brain. There is a fear that stays in me that never leaves.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

14 күн бұрын

I hear you. Have you tried Daily Practice? It is a great way to process fears and resentment. If you’re interested, you can try it for free here: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice Nika@TeamFairy

The skill of solving problems can be softened by saying, mmmm I’m not sure how to fix this, let me think about it. Even saying, I need to research this at work can be a nice way to delay, and think about how to accomplish your goal. It also sounds smart and professional.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

15 күн бұрын

Thanks for sharing! -Calista@TeamFairy

Thank you!! Geez i roll my eyes when people say that. Its so obviously not true

Thank you for this interesting perspective. You're helping many people ❤

This video's abt to be fantastic for my progress. Babe, wake up! Crappy Childhood Fairy just dropped another banger. (Thanks sm guys!)

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

15 күн бұрын

Thanks for watching! Nika@TeamFairy

I love that you emphasize a healing message

This makes sense to me. It seems obvious to me that trauma & dealing with dysfunctional family dynamics is the main reason for low birth rate. High divorce rate & . . . the boy crisis. Relationships are so dysfunctional & neglectful - abusive that people are messed up & unable to move forward in a healthy regulated & safe way ! Relationships are very messed up & chikdhood for a lot of people is a mess. . . .

Thank you 💛

Thank you.

Maybe re-enactment, rather than re-creation? I was recently reading "Search for the Real Self," and read this: "Abandonment depression is actually an umbrella term beneath which ride the Six Horsemen of the Psychic Apocalypse: Depression, Panic, Rage, Guilt, Helplessness (hopelessness), and Emptiness (void). Like the Four Horsemen of the Bible--Conquest, War, Famine, and Death--they wreak havoc across the psychic landscape, leaving pain and terror in their wake. No wonder that many people prefer the unholy alliance with a strong false defender that can ward off the psychic havoc these Horsemen in their path. The intensity and immediacy of these six feelings cane become unbearable in people with a severely impaired sense of self." Masterson, pg 61.

Not told but definitely think about it. This is what I deserve

Genius!❤

Thank you for all this content. Only a few people out there truly understand how complex PTSD affects people and practical ways to deal with problems. Tim Fletcher and Gabor Mate have also been helpful but I love your tips and techniques to manage the day to day stuff. You are a blessing!

Here here!

Anna, you are a wonderful person, thank you for all the helpful, supportive videos. I needed this one today. Best wishes from the UK ❤

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

16 күн бұрын

Thank you for watching! Glad you are here! Nika@TeamFairy

I have that feeling when something unexpected happens... Betrayal abandonment and lose ... I have melange

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

9 күн бұрын

We absolutely understand. I encourage you to try The Daily Practice (a free course). It can be a good first step. If you want to go deeper, Anna has a whole course on healing CPTSD. Free Daily Practice: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice Healing CPTSD course: bit.ly/CCF_HCPTSD Nika@TeamFairy

As a abandonned family scapegoat, whenever I think I've found a lover, it's because I deeply desire to create and experience a normal family for the first time in my life, without really knowing or having been thaught how. It feels so abstract that I abandonned the idea of love and given up on it entirely. Nobody deserves to have my emotional bagage, right?

@ushere5791

16 күн бұрын

oh wow--this hits hard. same, friend, same.

@jac1161

13 күн бұрын

relatable, love always - fellow scapegoat in a shame party party. Working on it.

Good Topic

Hello Anna! I just wanted to say the work you’re doing is wonderful and so helpful! I can only imagine the lives that have been saved by these videos. You are a light in this life and I appreciate you for helping all of us! Keep being the wonderful person you are. God bless you! ❤

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

15 күн бұрын

Thank you Amber!

It's not that they want to repeat the abandonment. Of course not. It's that they want to repeat the original traumatic scenario but to get it right this time. But their wounds make that impossible. My current interest/situationship is 20 years younger than me, as most of her past relationships have been. Her father abandoned the family when she was around 11 or 12. Her other relationships were unhealthy ones with chumps and eventually failed. But I'm secure and decent and normal and had a magical 23 year marriage until my wife died much too young. But the same issues pop up between us as her former relationships, only more so with me because my healthy love is more foreign and less comfortable to her than the dysfunctional love she's used to. I convinced her to start therapy and she's really trying but frankly it will be a bit of a miracle if we make it, even though she is an amazing woman.

Wonderful. Thank you

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

15 күн бұрын

Thanks for watching and taking the time to comment! -Calista@TeamFairy

I totally agree with you. Why would we like to recreate the situations that made us suffer in our childhoods? I believe that our lack of knowledge of what is healthy, our abandonment issues and our crapfit led us to retraumatize ourselves in our adulthood

omg this hits me so hard

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

16 күн бұрын

I'm glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy

It’s really simple. You live in a family system. That system, functions in a way, and you are IN it. However that system functions, you will go accordingly with that flow.

Thank you! I want this list in text for ready reckoner!

It is so good and heartwarming to see other people along this healing journey.. and to know well there are people committed to consciousness and healing.. and I have hope to find someone 😁😊💜 My take home for today: become bad at crap fitting and be proud of it! And seeing clearly if someone is both willing AND able to commit to my wellbeing before I hand over my heart. Thank you CCF for all your support in the collective healing 🙏🏽

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

15 күн бұрын

Thank you for being a part of our community here and sharing your kindness! Nika@TeamFairy

The word " want" is not what should be stated with this idea. Of course it would be insulting. No one says to themselves, I wanted an irresponsible alcoholic or some other problem etc. These patterns have all the reasons that you talked about and many more. The process is unconscious and often overshadowed by a pull, usually a distortion, that we adapted to as a child. ,

This would have been great to understand when I was in my 20s. I’ve got decades of sadness, frustration, and pain from cptsd.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

15 күн бұрын

Glad you are here now. We're here to support you! Nika@TeamFairy

Im somewhere in the middle of crapfitting and being too sensitive towards trauma. Meaning i take crap because im used to it or i think "well nobody is perfect", or seeing signs of narcissistic tendencies everywhere. I really seem to be a magnet for people that have been in similar situations as me with the same kind of coping mechanisms as me. I guess it should teach me something but i cant see what it is. Sometimes they're better at coping and sometimes worse. That i can see. But i just want to shed those kinds of people because i either retraumatise them or they retraumatise me. It gives me "the walk on eggshells feeling" from home and it makes me feel so bad about myself. I either crapfit to not step on toes that are really easy to step on, or people leave me because i step on those toes. I dont know healthy people it seems which says a lot about me. I do not know how to meet and hold on to healthy people it seems. I now seem te know when i crapfit (most of the time) but i dont want to overcompensate for the lack of love and attention either. I do not know if im doing it but i see others with the same trauma as me doing that. They expect the world to make up for that lack, that is toxic. I definitely do not want that. I would love to get down the triggers but still be aware of the narcissistic people. Love myself not expecting others to fill in the lack. I dont think i do that but i might not see it because i might be blind to it, like so many others i know. Im highly allergic to authoritarian people because of my first authoritarian/narcissistic mother. I noticed that from most of my work experiences. If something even reminds me the slightest of my mother (and that is ordering me to do stuff at work) , i crumble and nothing will be done again. You can ask me, no problem, im the first to help. Usually i help without them having to ask. But not order me to do anything, that sets off all the alarms. After that happens i need to not be around the person who did that again. I either have a good talk about it (if this is even possible, mostly not) or i need to quit the job before i implode on myself and i get burnout. I cannot be around people who are bossy in any way. Im very lucky to have met my now boss (leader), she had similar experiences and treats me like a colleage, which works the best for me. Within the company we all work together as a team to get things done. If something doesnt fit to what i was hired for, they ask me if i have time to help them out. They do not expect it. I havent had a trigger set off there in the 4 years i work there. Just really lucky there i guess! Im very gratefull for them and they value me. I had a lot of "friends" i had to crapfit with or left me because my words sends off their alarms. Just yesterday an aquaintance of me that made my alarms go off about her alarms going off. Because she had to pee whilst in the city 2 months prior (i live in the centre) she asked me if i was home bacause she couldnt pee anywhere else. I said i fidnt have much time but she could come in for a bit. After the wee i asked if she wanted a tea. We had a laugh and a drink and then i needed to prepair to leave the house. So she goes on her way with an empty bladder and somebnew hydration right? But she made me question the way i acted. She said this: the way i acted nice with my cat made her feel uncomfortable and it made me seem like i had issues to her. Yes i like my cat should i hide that for her? I just intoduced her to my cat. Yes i had issues but if you see that in people you usually ask if there is something going on right? Or try to help in some way? I didnt hear from her in three months because to her it seemed like i needed space. I had some issues and a big one, my sister told me she was in contact with 'the end of life clinic', she didnt want to live anymore because of complications, fysically and mentally because of our mothers abuse. So that was on my mind yes but is that a reason to not talk/message someone? That would not be my first thought, let alone talk about it as an excuse that i didnt hear from her. She only looks at what she does for me not what i do for her. I now feel bad for letting her pee at my house. I usually instigate most conversations wuth her either on app or phone. I was somewhat happy that she was open about her problems with me to me but..... Now i feel like i have obligations to watch my every move or every single word that comes out of my mouth, it makes me feel icky. She did not considder my side of things, the way i meant what i did or said. I told her what i meant and that i was sorry if that offended her in any way. She did not take responsabbility for her being sensitive to thing just that she didn't like what i did/said. I hope i explain this well, English is my second language. So now she can keep being very sensitive and me needing to crapfit it feels like. Can you help me get out of this maze? It feels icky and it makes me want to run the other way. Am i right for feeling this or am i too sensitive?

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

14 күн бұрын

I encourage you to write an "Ask the Fairy" letter for possible inclusion in one of Anna's videos. You can do it from here: bit.ly/CCF_Letters Nika@TeamFairy

Oh my God 1000% I’ve always felt the same!

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

13 күн бұрын

Glad you are here! Nika@TeamFairy

❤Thankyou 🎉

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

16 күн бұрын

Thanks for watching and taking the time to comment! -Calista@TeamFairy

On the suggestion that therapy can cause an excessive focus on feelings such that we don't consider the other person enough - it's extremely important to be completely clear that that is a feature or consequence of BAD therapy - or possibly an insufficient amount of good therapy, i.e. it may be an intermediate stage. A great starting-point for exploring what good therapy might really be is 'Psychoanalytic Psychotherapy: A Practitioner's Guide' by Nancy McWilliams. (Yes it's not explicitly aimed at the person seeking therapy but I've not aware of anything that remotely compares in terms of knowledge and wisdom including wise consideration of real evidence.

I recreated my trauma because, as a kid, my family failed to teach me the tools to avoid recreating it. Before I started my healing journey, I didn't know any better. Then, I learned that I am missing tools. After that, I discover what tools I'm missing and learn to use them. Repeat ad infinitum.

I think a reason for why crapfit and abandonment recreation happens, is because CEN and isolation limited our options. Some friends/relationship is better than no friends/relationship. And then when that turns out to be miserable and goes to shits, that is when the isolation deepens, it turns out some friends/relationship are not better than none. So none it is, and so the scarcity cycle continues.

Emotional abuse, and neglect is real. I have an emotionally neglected and abused since I was a little girl the youngest of four the only girl always made to feel like I was bad for being a girl and women were not to be seen or heard I was left out of everything growing up and down, my mother left 14 left me with my dad and my brothers. They have treated me like hell since like I’m just Cinderella and a slave now my sons are starting to treat me the same way. I don’t know how to stop it. Nobody ever comes to me nobody ever Runs me. I’ve always run to them and begged for a relationship or begged for some kind of love. My mother is an alcoholic. She’s older now and quit drinking but every time we get together, she narcissistically tears me down, even though I’m in the middle of trying to show her a good time and take her on a trip or take her out to dinner. she consistently cuts me down and it’s the same behavior my brothers have it’s horrid. I am the youngest . I always thought of others, trying to create a win-win, and it has left me alone and depleted. I married an alcoholic husband who, when he was drunk was a whole Nother person and tried to kill me. I was tapped out on the psych unit, losing my father, losing his his parents, and I took care of his mother with dementia for a while, then my brother was killed in an accident. It was just too much, and I crumbled moved up to my cabin that I bought as a single person in the woods, I’ve always been a hard worker and the continuum of attracting people who treat me bad, just more than I can. I have worked on it for years. I have had good psychological stuff alone and felt good about myself but everyone treats me like hell. Enough is enough. I’m not quite sure how to turn this around. I am not a stupid woman by any means I sold real estate, I’ve had very good jobs. but life has taken me down to a point where I just after narcissistic abuse got to associated and confused to the point where I almost can’t come back. I feel good about myself. I know my heart and I know truly what I have always felt wanting good for everyone else, but for some reason, the exact opposite is what everyone around me feels no one treat me with respect-

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

9 күн бұрын

Thank you for sharing your experience with us. It sound hard and we are here to support you. If you haven't already, try Daily Practice. It is a great way to process fears and resentment, and you can take the free course here: Good luck on your healing journey! bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice Nika@TeamFairy

Love your Chanel

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

16 күн бұрын

Thank you for being a part of our community :) -Calista@TeamFairy

I'll just say that patience and communicating with your spouse or date is the best way to sustain your relationship. I hate that my relationship just became physical, but she had some issues or demons she didn't feel comfortable talking with me about. I hope i will press the issue next time.

@TokyoBlue587

2 күн бұрын

No. Wait until she is comfortable to talk about it. Pressing the issue is going to make her MORE uncomfortable.

A lot of times it feels like it's me against the world... And my Traumatic Brain Injury -( TBI ) just makes it all 10 times worse.. sad😢..

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

16 күн бұрын

If you haven't already, try Anna's Daily Practice: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice Nika@TeamFairy

This has happened time and again and unfortunately the one guy who thought was for me turned against the cptsd horrid side that I have and that's all he can see in me now. They also has some unhelpful behaviours but won't see it. It's all my fault according to them. Feeling abandoned and ashamed. Have to live with it and it's painful. Thanks Anna for you continued support

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

16 күн бұрын

Thank you for watching. Glad you are here. Good luck on your healing journey! Nika@TeamFairy

Im gonna be honest when I ask this question: is anyone emotionally healthy? I've ruminated on this. There's so many damn mental diagnoses that everyone trying to find someone other than balance. I've went into a marriage being "healthy" and filing for divorce because I ended up emotionally bankrupt. It's exasperating.

I’m going to look for the writing techniques links

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

16 күн бұрын

Here's a link: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice -Calista@TeamFairy

I don’t understand why some even ‘try’ to be mean like this to others. I think they’ve got more problems than one with cptsd but unfortunately we attract each other

It sounds like victim blaming. I've heard this too.

"oh, this is crap"! lol This theory is relatable

Fairy you just keep looking younger and younger

Working on my crap-detector ✅️

@jac1161

13 күн бұрын

I'm working on unlearning that I am dead on accurate with excellent radar that I was abused to accept that it was wrong. NOPE! :)

Like what's good about me.?

I want to get married and have babies.

I think you misunderstood the therapist. Maybe she just didn't express it properly, but I'm pretty sure she meant what you have said.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

16 күн бұрын

No. It is a common idea in the culture, and it's been around a long time. "You are recreating your childhood so you can conquer it this time," or "because it's all you know," or "because it feels safe or familiar," and so on. Very common belief. I didn't misunderstand.

We recreate the childhood because we dont know any better...

I am extremely interested in what you would say about moledro - mixed with romance, limerance, and delusion. If a child was so neglected that they don't have a sense of their existence and impact on the world and their own life. This is me, a girl who has been obsessed with people who are not even alive any more, dreaming of a time machine, etcetera. I've read on Quora or Reddit that quite a few of us are in that spot. And these historical figures - composers, in my case - are absolutely unavailable and unattainable. Could you please address this phenomenon? (You helped me start on a path towary healing from mine.) Thanks.

Do you provide online consultation?

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

13 күн бұрын

I have a team that does, using my healing method. Please check out the coaching page on my website: crappychildhoodfairy.com

@lizzyoutubes

13 күн бұрын

@@CrappyChildhoodFairy thank youu! Will go thru the link & book a consultation soon.