I officially have adopted you as my counselor! I can't afford a counselor but watching your videos over and over again brings healing to my soul! I will break free soon!

@bl5923

Жыл бұрын

Dr. Ramani is the mental health care clinician we all wish wish had 💜

@dianapinto79

Жыл бұрын

Andrew is also wonderful, I've been watching them both and TRUST ME, they both help US enormously ❤️ m.kzread.info

@kms5306

Жыл бұрын

Same for me. I have decent health insurance but it does not cover therapy or mental health. So I watch and re-watch lots of Dr. Ramani and read and re-read comments❣️ Thanks to everyone who shares their thoughts here.

@sherir3668

Жыл бұрын

Yes, my counselor betrayed me by believing the narc (of course she didnt understand narcissistic abuse) it was a severe betrayal!! It was very hard!! Dr. Ramani's videos saved me and were far better than my counseling!!

@raqueldiaz5915

Жыл бұрын

me too

"Never let toxic people rent a space in your head. Raise the rent and get them out!" I read this years ago and can't remember who quoted it. It's easier said than done but because they're no longer in my physical space I'm working on removing them from my mental space and also getting back into my art and poetry again to help me heal and move on 🖌️🎨📚 thanks Dr Ramani ❤️

@annaann2910

Жыл бұрын

Wow!😍... So well said & so true... Thank you so much for sharing this & Best wishes to you on the Journey of Heling!💙💚💙

@Eighties-Jadie

Жыл бұрын

@@annaann2910 Thank you so much and I wish you all the best on your journey of healing and freedom too! ☀️ Best wishes and hugs ❤️

@alwaysyouramanda

Жыл бұрын

Yes! The fact that we are hardwired to lookout for danger doesn’t help.

@Eighties-Jadie

Жыл бұрын

@@alwaysyouramanda Yes I agree the hypervigilance and feeling unsafe is harder to get rid of. I feel a bit lighter though that they're no longer in my physical space because no need to play pretend happy families or deal with their constant negativity that was in turn making me extremely negative and unwell. I'm doing my gardening now and feels good ☀️

@rturney6376

Жыл бұрын

Easier said than done. 🥰😘🌻🙏

"Remember how they didn't notice you, while you were in the relationship? They aren't going to notice you succeed either." this really connected with me. Thank you for saying this.

@truthh8597

Жыл бұрын

They notice when you succeed not only that They obsess and try to destroy you or take undue credit onto themselves for everything you have done or achieved They only ever sabotaged or blocked you but will act like they are entitled to a lot of the credit of your success

@twilit

Жыл бұрын

they’ll notice the success inasmuch as they can take credit for it or use it to reflect admiration onto them

@chillout1738

Жыл бұрын

@Carmen Carino I didn't want them to be obessed with me, I just didn't want to be neglected.

@cyny6305

3 ай бұрын

Mine obsessively watch everything I do to. They literally have nothing else to do.@@truthh8597

If you're trying to "show" your abuser(s) that you're better than they thought you were, you haven't yet internalized the fact that their criticism has NOTHING to do with you. You cannot impress someone who is deeply invested in devaluing you as a way to feel better about themselves. When they see you trying so hard to please them, they just see how much power they have over you. Their criticism of you is not about any specific thing you are doing wrong; it's just that your existence is a threat to their sense of superiority. You will not ever get their approval. The best you can do is piss them off by living your best life without giving a damn about what they think.

@jacquelinefroehle5868

Жыл бұрын

Amen !!!! It absolutely does not matter what they say, do, or think....at all. YOUR LIFE IS YOURS....Own it and live in Peace and Joy.

@NN-re7cy

Жыл бұрын

I just took a screen grab because I have to remember this! Thanks for the words of wisdom, spot on.🎯👏🏽👏🏽❤️❤️

@donnawoodford6641

Жыл бұрын

I commented on a channel about DJT going to Ivana's funeral, and that I have no intention of attending an ex's funeral. A response came back saying: "When I divorced my ex, I wished him well." The commenter added that "Donald T. was showing support to their children by his being there. He is moral, and you should watch and listen how to be an adult." I did not respond. I decided this person has very little understanding of what it is like living under the cruel and controlling behaviors a Narc. People forget that they're not obligated to attend any funeral. By staying away from ex's funeral, and being away from his Narc family members, I'll remain in a healthy, healing state.

@bereal6590

Жыл бұрын

Needed this one today. Mine is like a barnacle on my brain. Sick of it ✌

@leegorringe5580

Жыл бұрын

I am no longer ever be that green doormat with Welcome written in it. They are no longer welcome.

Healing means no contact. Disengage from the narcissist.

@Layla-fr7mf

Жыл бұрын

That is the best healing ever the peace is amazing.

@KoolT

Жыл бұрын

Yes! ♥️♥️♥️♥️

@littleiodine9480

Жыл бұрын

@MokA or if we gave birth to them, cared for them, loved them, and we once were truly, from our heart, responsible for them for 49 years.

@sherrymathson1220

Жыл бұрын

Indeed, I've been No Contact for a month & a half, still wake in the night questioning myself, often listen to Dr Ramani to sleep again because she reminds me that although it wasn't constant, it WAS, & the confusion was awful, I never knew when the awful rage would come from something I might ask or need, the gaslighting, the deflection, denial, NO empathy, all of it, just not all the time. Thankfully, I have only one really good memory of us as most things were tainted by his tantrums or such, so no, I do not miss him...just had to say it! Thank Dr Ramani for saving me & keeping me where I need to be! ❤️

@tammyfitzgerald5336

Жыл бұрын

Absolutely 💯 ❤🎉

Oh, Dr Ramani, the most impactful part of my healing when I left was freedom. Freedom from the silent treatment, blatant insults, vindictive punishments, regular arguments...freedom from hell. It's been 10+ years since I left and I STILL get emotional realizing I am free now. I am FREE.

@Emily_Paris

Жыл бұрын

What a beautiful thing freedom is. My husband and I have been separated for a year now. I’m barely starting to feel the freedom because little by little we are separating our finances. Everything should be taken care of by end of this month. Then and only then will I feel true freedom in every aspect and go back to a normal life. There will no longer be a reason to communicate. Listening to Dr Ramani has helped me tremendously through it all. I promised my sister we will go have a steak dinner to celebrate my freedom. ☺️

@nicolamills8003

Жыл бұрын

That is so cool!!

@nicolamills8003

Жыл бұрын

@@Emily_Paris we have just done seperation of finances, just the house and deferred the super payout, no other assets, we don't have alimony in new zealand so I'm on my own financially, house sold, we settle Friday. 5 adult children overseas so like u, I'm hoping very little future contact with him I can already taste the freedom!!!

@Emily_Paris

Жыл бұрын

@@nicolamills8003 I’m truly happy for you. I will celebrate with you in spirit. My husband and I have a house together. He is refinancing the house to get my name off the loan and deed. He is paying me my part. I’m very happy and excited. Closing date is end of July. My children are also grown and on their own. I can focus on having a peaceful life with no one to tell me I’m not good enough or smart enough. I choose to love myself and have pride and dignity. I’ve cried my tears but no more.

@vilmaliobikas5895

Жыл бұрын

You described exactly how I felt when I left…

Stop looking to the narc for ANYTHING. Fantasies, revenge anything. Just remove them. You hit it dead on again Doc.

@cindylong624

Жыл бұрын

toss them to the curb

@AAXS-op1vo

Жыл бұрын

Full stop. The long and short

"I only existed when it was useful for them" ouch! I often told her "you don't treat me like a human, I'm not a person to you" cause it's true, they don't see you, they just see themselves and what serves them. thank you dr ramani!

"You were the storage unit for their shame". Holy crap, yes! That was a lynchpin statement for me. I immediately felt greater ease and compassion towards myself. Thank you!

@NH-vp6qk

Жыл бұрын

Yea my ex enjoyed smahing me that how sick he was When I was down he was up , narcissistic ppl CANT love, It’s pathetic

Healing speeds up a ton when you are busy-- your headspace has no more room for the narcissist when you are living your life. The first six months was a mix of anger, sadness, neediness, love and hatred. Now when I think of them, there is less emotion attached to the memories. Healing is a non-linear process but it truly does get better with time :)

@naz569

Жыл бұрын

Its been almost 2 months for me. I don't feel okay I cry everytime I think him. I am so scared of him and there is no self respect, am I gonna heal?

@germainetanjiemin

Жыл бұрын

@@naz569 yes you most definitely will!!! I was crying so often for the first few months but the emotions will settle down with time I promise :) it’s not all healed for me yet too but I’m can totally tell the difference in how I feel now as compared to 6 months ago. Sending love!

@Picca65

Жыл бұрын

@@naz569 yes you will. Just commit to it. It might take a while, keep going. It's worth it!

@NN-re7cy

Жыл бұрын

@@naz569 I literally felt the same way, I cried all the time. I actually thought I may never smile or feel happy again. You will get better and yes, you will feel even happier than before with time. Commit to doing the work, try doing self-care and therapy (if possible). I'm 3 years out and I tell you it's so much better on this side. Sending love and hugs! ❤️❤️💖💖🙏🏽

no contact Is the only thing that's getting me thru this thank you dr ramani 🙏🏾❤

@alpal87

Жыл бұрын

Hang in there it’s worth it and there’s light on the other side.

I think the revenge fantasy of the narcissistic person noticing you if you become or achieve “x” is rooted in feeling “unworthy” of the narcissistic person; you wouldn’t feel it necessary to strive to be the narcissistic person’s version of “perfect”, unless you feel you’re “lacking”. Healing truly begins when you realise you are enough all along, and that you define your own worth.

@burritobandido

Жыл бұрын

❤ well said, thank you for sharing your thoughts.

I remember the biological father said to me that I was going to fail as a single father because he did...then I will see how hard it was and I'll appreciate him more...😂😂😂 well, I raised my daughters as a single father and watched both of them leave the nest on their own. I did it! But I didn't do it for him...why would I. I did for my girls. He probably got mad because I accomplished something he couldn't. Oh well, go get mad in a car! 😭😭😭😭

@warniu123

Жыл бұрын

Well done @GeraldHarmon, that is a great (actually 2!) Life Achievement indeed! I read your comment and felt really happy. Wishing you great happiness from a fellow healer here.

@geraldharmon9170

Жыл бұрын

@@warniu123 Thanks!😊

Oh, this is so good to hear! For 26 years I felt progressively more and more like an indentured slave to my narcissistic husband. I would say to him 'you're treating me like a slave' but I didn't know about npd so I stayed stuck. It is liberating to be free. Thank you Dr Ramani 😘

@francesbernard2445

Жыл бұрын

For a long time I was hearing the complaint from other women in healthy marriages too about them being constant short of cash because their husband needs a newer truck and a never ending supply of new tools for work like computers or whatever while having to be an indentured slave at work too along with their husband in traditional role to narcissistic top hospital administration staff and know it all doctors no matter how many years since their residency training have passed. And I refuse to marry any rich lying a lot of the time braggart who expects me to make all the adjustments in life to keep the peace in our relationship while he is maybe exercising his right to free speech while running down my family background too. Or is addicted to smoking marijuana and seems already married to that. And so I am in no hurry to get remarried.

@ageckomiller

Жыл бұрын

26 years with my narc wife. Felt the same way.

@denisedevoto2834

Жыл бұрын

I became a slave and a personal assistant. Every time he called me, I would say, "What now?"

@michelegray5970

Жыл бұрын

@@denisedevoto2834 I know that feeling!

@Hafsa_Siddiqui_789

Жыл бұрын

I used to say this to the narc mom and I also wasn't aware about npd.

It’s difficult trying to wash away the garbage, the stink remains despite many showers. The healing is slow but the biggest catalyst is my son, also my freedom at being a healthy person for both of us. Thank you Dr. Ramani ❤️

@blackmonday738

Жыл бұрын

Excellent read. In deed.

@franceshaggitt3104

Жыл бұрын

Me too. I've two sons. I think of them .I will heal

Let’s keep moving forward into our authentic selves far away and separate from the narcisists. Thank you dr Ramani

I've just realised recently it's pointless to try to please a narcissist, because if you do something 'perfectly' to avoid criticism, you'll actually trigger their insecurities & they'll knock you down so they can feel superior again. It's therefore utterly pointless to try to gain their approval - absolutely agree you need to do what's right for you & kick them out of your head because you can't please them anyway. I'm sadly barely speaking to my mother as even the most mundane conversation results in her passively aggressively baiting me.

@tichiveon6715

Жыл бұрын

This is true

It’s been since 2019 that I’ve felt paranoia, guilt, shame and responsibility and worst of all that I was the abusive narcissist in this five year long horrible experience with a destructive Napoleonic narcissist. I’m done. I feel it. I’m ready to heal.

@NewNameNaomi

Жыл бұрын

🥳🥳 I’m happy for you! And I hope you can heal. Scratch that, I know you can. We all can. Much love to you on your journey

@ashleynoelle7429

Жыл бұрын

@@NewNameNaomi ✌️✌️✌️✌️✌️

@rileyhoffman6629

Жыл бұрын

Go for it. In my too vast experience... it takes consistent vigilance to keep yourself at the forefront. Best of life to you!

@nevadadan4113

Жыл бұрын

Sounds like its time to bail out... stay STRONG and best wishes to you!!

@jenniferascension7082

Жыл бұрын

Sooo my narc used to use my trauma against me to manipulate me and control me. *i* used to end up using these sentences because literally all we did was fight and it was SO frustrating. For example, whenever we used to argue, if it didn’t go his way, he’d threaten to leave me. Initially it worked and he’d start packing his bags, sending me into a tailspin (hello, abandonment issues). Eventually he did this so often that i would literally roll my eyes and be like “ok, here we go again”. Eventually he realized that this didn’t work. I definitely grey rocked him without even knowing what it was. I would accuse him so often of cheating, but he would conclude that it was me going “you’re imagining things”, “you have issues”, “you’re upset over nothing”. I was referred to a software expert who helped me clone his phone and laptop from which i got evidence of him cheating and I plan to seek for a divorce really soon. Are you doubting your partner or feels like he or she is cheating, send him a message:instagram.com/rickhack101

I no longer feel compelled to be in service to or apease my mother, sister, brother, ex bff, boss, and all my ex's (all narcs). Now Im happy to be on my own and do what I want, when I want and how I want. Complete freedom, peace and inner confidence. Never again. Transcending Narcissism was the most difficult lesson of my entire life and it took my entire life up to this point. Thank you for helping me understand and overcome this!!!! Much love to you Dr Ramani.

You are seriously helping me end a 7 yr hell for good!! Thank you so much!! Dr Ramani rocks ❤️😎🥂

@danlee4706

Жыл бұрын

You said it! Same here. If I didn't discover this channel I would likely still be trapped in my own downward spiraling shame

@annaann2910

Жыл бұрын

Excactly! 💚

@yolondagoode9656

2 ай бұрын

❤❤❤❤❤ yes the more I listen, the more better I feel like I can remove the debri from the narc I was involved in

I love that you don't stop being human when you are offering therapy/guidance ❤️ feels most like listening to the friend who can help 🥰 thank you skyfulz for your dedication and assistance ❤️🙏❤️

Dr Ramani, your videos have been such a support. This sounds like a cliched, but you are a star. Prayers and best wishes!

@camilleviot9717

Жыл бұрын

W mmm lem ymm vg

@camilleviot9717

Жыл бұрын

Gu

@Lisa-bk5fz

Жыл бұрын

I mean, wow. And thank you.

So much thanks to you Dr Ramani. 3 years of listening to your videos daily, doing the journaling, doing the workshops- you helped me learn, grow, and heal. I am forever grateful for the work you do. I am out, I am free and have gone months without loading your videos every morning. I'm here just to reinforce the work you do. Forever thankful. ❤️

There were two aspects that made disconnecting from the narcs and the flying monkeys challenging. There is something wired inside of us, (at least it is true to me), that we are supposed to be part of a tribe. That being solo could mean death. Frankly, this took years to overcome, particularly in the light of what has been going on our realm. The second one is that culturally, it is not ok to cut your parents and subsequently your siblings, (flying moneys), off. Doing this doesn't win you any bonus points from the community at large. It was a slow understanding that I was better off without all their drama and abuse and being alone, than I was being in the "tribe" and suffering under their abuse. And I had to learn to be ok with the good or bad opinions of others.

@NewNameNaomi

Жыл бұрын

Oof! That fear of aloneness or not belonging is huge and my biggest struggle. I’m extroverted too so I struggle to not have people to talk to. But I’m trying to get more comfortable alone. I’m trying!! Thanks for sharing bits of your journey!

@jeannined7532

Жыл бұрын

I get what you are talking about and have felt the same way. The NPD dynamic is really what the whole system of western culture is about. It's all about domination and submission and we need to know that making these changes in ourselves--learning how to set boundaries and be healthy is really like being a salmon swimming upstream from mainstream culture. Added to that is your point that yes, we are hard wired to be part of a tribe and to be interdependent. A lightbulb moment for me is when I realized that my longing to belong was spot on; my longing to make a difference and matter to others was spot on. I just picked the wrong person to do that with! Sending you much care and prayers for your journey!

@mrb4761

Жыл бұрын

The social price that's paid to get them out of there is still under-emphasized, I think

@susannegaskins4463

Жыл бұрын

I feel the cultural pressure to be the "good, dutiful" daughter. I keep my distance and gray rock as much as possible, but I can't quite allow myself to go no contact with my narc father. A thousand miles between us and a monthly phone call isn't much of a relationship, but each conversation leaves with with a "narcissistic "hangover" for at least a few hours, if not a day or two. Being an only child makes it harder in some ways ("You're all he's got"), but easier in others (no enabling or flying monkey siblings and my enabling vulnerable narc mother died 17 years ago.). There are no easy answers in these narc relationships.

@illuminationgoddess3

Жыл бұрын

🙏🌼🙏

You are so right Dr.Ramani. I think I may be finally getting to this stage of healing for myself and not to ‘show’ the narcs in my life that I am doing just fine despite their abuse. It’s hard because they are my family but they really left no bridge to come back to. Going back is to live in tyranny. Now it’s time to live for myself.

The moment, the *MOMENT* I confronted my parents and realized that everything they said was classic DARVO (which proved to me they really were narcs), their voices living in my head stopped. The peace and quiet was amazing.

“Remember how they didn’t notice you while you were in the relationship…” That spoke volumes. I have no emotional connection, luckily, but the fact that I allowed myself to get in this situation is what chews me up most. Hearing these things help solidify what I went through as true and valid. Thanks Edit: previous* situation (:

From your lips to our ears.... This is a crucial part of my own healing. 🥰🥰🥰

@michelegray5970

Жыл бұрын

💞

"They will not notice you" This is so sad and yet so true! Starting to live our lives after getting out of a narcissistic relationship is incredibly hard and something that takes a lot of work! But they already took too much of our lives to spend more time on plotting revenge against them!

I thank God everyday that I resisted moving in with my Narcissist. I thank God that I had already begun healing myself that when he asked me to move in- I immediately recoiled instead of feeling elated. It’s like Spirit gave me a flash of insight of what my life would be like when I moved in and I felt chains and shackles and I could not breathe. I have been no contact for six months. I let this dance between us go on- off and on- for over 8 years. I have never been more proud of myself and I have never felt more peace and ease. Dr. Ramani and Lisa Romano and Ross Rosenberg and all helped me - learn and help myself. I am eternally grateful.

@alpal87

Жыл бұрын

I’m so proud of you Luna and thankful you got out of that. Well done.

@NN-re7cy

Жыл бұрын

Good for you! 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽❤️❤️

@r.w3056

Жыл бұрын

You definitely made the right move here. Because once you move in, you are kind of at his mercy.

@tanianatale8523

Жыл бұрын

Lisa Romano is great!!!

"Freedom begins when you get out of the cage you've built." Lacuna Coil - Wide Awake song I love this song and the lyrics themselves are very inspiring especially after leaving narcissistic abuse. Thanks again Dr Ramani for all your help ☀️

@annaann2910

Жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing this Song/lyrics💙💚💜

@Eighties-Jadie

Жыл бұрын

@@annaann2910 You're welcome ❤️

@ShopMarijuana

Жыл бұрын

This one too .... gets me through - kzread.info/dash/bejne/ZHd6mrqbcbfOcqQ.html

Just like they project their insecurities and guilt on you, they also project and condition their goals. It's important to find yourself before setting out to do anything. I came out of a very confusing relationship and i realised i have no idea who i am any more. According to them, I'm selfish and needy and i ruined their life. I'll start by fixing that, and then see who i am and what i want. Thank you dr Ramani.

@nicolamills8003

Жыл бұрын

Yeah... I hold them back, I don't make them happy, I need therapy. Blah blah He was from a family that never went to university and lived in a state/govt rental generatiinally . He marries me, we have 5 kids, we buy a home, he goes to uni to become a teacher, we have travelled the world.. Yeah, I hold u back. I am done. We sold the house and I am off to New adventures. He can go find someone else to 'make him happy' Ummm think it comes from within mate

@NH-vp6qk

Жыл бұрын

Ur coment is amazing thanks

"Foods too good and lifes too short" thats the some of the best wisdom Ive heard in a long time! For years I would hear my parents negative voices in my mind when i tried on any piece of clothing or any ate anything at all. But I know now my body doesn't belong to them, it belongs to me!

I've been no contact with my narcissist for almost 6 years, and I recently had to break that no contact because he was harassing my husband about me on social media. I was so anxious about speaking to him, hands shaking and all that. But I managed to stay in grey rock mode, didn't give him any supply and watching him launch into such an angry tirade after so long away was so eye opening. I've never felt peaceful after an interaction with him before, but this time I did.

It was never about him. It was always about me. He was just the mirror that I held up to myself. He has shown me how Ive treated myself. The child inside me was living a fantasy so I didn't have to face the reality. That I was treating myself badly by being in the relationship. Waiting for the validation that I wanted from my father. My ex husband was just the stand in. Doesnt mean my ex wasnt a narcissist. He is. I just dont need to waste the last precious years of my life on a lost cause. My sons are my family. I am complete. Thank you so very much Dr Ramani. God bless you.

Healing my inner child has really helped. I used to play dolls for hrs with my sister, it was the only peaceful time we had. Now im still recovering, but decided to start a doll making buisness, something my narc mom would have scoffed at or ridiculed. But i enjoy art and creating, and if my art can bring a child in suffering joy for even a moment, it would bring me great personal happiness.

Wow!!! This is probably the most important video for me on narcissism. I have always pursued my goals in hopes of getting the love & attention of the narcissists in my life, starting with my mother. They had no interest in my success and could have cared less. When I got my first good job out of college I called my mother to tell her. Her response was "That's good. Stop bragging about it." Her lack of interest, support & enthusiasm regarding any success I ever had was always a big blow & a huge disappointment for me. It has made me feel somewhat resigned & hopeless regarding my own life. Listening to this video made me realize how deeply her lack of support hurt me. Now that she has severe dementia, there is no chance of getting any validation from her. This video really directly addresses the areas where I still have healing work to do. Thank you again.

Dr Ramani when you described about your appearance and trying to please a narcissist - please know you are absolutely stunning both inside and outside and don't need to change for anyone! 😍 I'm devastated someone could be so cruel and make you feel that way but I'm glad you walked away from them as they certainly didn't deserve your beauty and light. You are so beautiful and never let anyone else make you feel otherwise because of their jealousy or insecurities! Best wishes and hugs ❤️

@user-uo9jx3ui2k

Жыл бұрын

Yes!!!!Stunning!!!! Inside and out! Totally have a girl crush on the Doc😂🤣😂!!!

@Eighties-Jadie

Жыл бұрын

@@user-uo9jx3ui2k Me too 😍 I think she's gorgeous! 🥰

Yes, your healing and growth is about you. Once you drop them, mentally and physically remove yourself from their presence-it’s just you babe-I told myself that this person who once was my best friend is dead-and I’m not a ghost whisperer-dead is dead-I mourned that friendship death for three days then moved on with my life. Put myself first, no contact-and life without the narcissist has been better than good. I enjoy your videos, and share these with my friends so that they can also learn about narcissism and what these people are like-thank you!

Thank you for your time. I'm in a very bad place, trying to heal. It's hard to be an island, especially when your alone a lot. Grew up in a toxic family, was conditioned to marry in the same situation. At least he is a lower level and I think he loves me. Dad just committed suicide in January to get out. Lived away for 25 years and always tried to come back with hope of having a family, moved back, got sister to move back next door. Mom palitive care next door with sister. They have scape goated me. Don't know how to navigate all the grief. Husband has many medical issues and is 22 yrs older than me. Petrified of completely being alone. Been a home caregiver with no income. Gave up on my dreams to do the right thing for him many years ago. Now I'm afraid to trust in my midlife. Don't get to see anyone next door. The only thing keeping me with any hope is your valuable content. Thank you so much. Still wondering what's the point!

“ you are the closet where they stored thrir dirty stuff so they can pretentiously prance about, self righteous and above it everyone , judging everyone because they’ve put their shame on everyone else” BRILLIANTLY SAID

For those who can't go "no contact," one of the most infuriating things to deal with is when the narc, especially in a social setting (networking events), "type casts" your narrative over the crowd from something you did 37 years ago or didn't do at all ("if only he can maintain relationships" or "if only he can keep a job,") sabotaging your character & then quickly walking off (like sprinkling salt on food w/your fingers) before you can even say hello & introduce yourself...you already have 1 foot in the grave.

@ShopMarijuana

Жыл бұрын

Mine would tell people whom we just met that I am pretty healthy for a woman in her 70's. I am a young and vibrant 63-year old. That's if she even bothered to introduce me or acknowledge me at all. She thought she was hilarious with her never ending put downs. She was such a schmuck to me constantly. Good bye and good riddance demon!

@ghost-user559

Жыл бұрын

That’s only effective if you care what those people think either. It doesn’t work at all if you don’t care what anyone thinks, and are content being who you are. Eventually real people get to know you regardless of what the Narc said, and that automatically makes them look unstable and weak for misrepresenting you. It’s only the sting of the initial lie, and that poison only gets into your system if you actually acknowledge you care what they said. If you literally just be yourself regardless of whether or not people are initially on your side, no one can resist an authentic person. You will automatically be MORE appealing because you subvert the false expectations put on you. You actually become genuinely intriguing. Everything the Narc does backfires as long as you do not accept or acknowledge what they said. It’s that simple. Not easy to do with all of the emotions in the moment, but simple in theory. Just don’t acknowledge anything they say or do as reality. It isn’t. It’s just their delusions.

“ You were the storage unit for their shame”. That makes a lot of sense and I’ve never heard it framed that way.

"I only existed when it was useful for them" is sooo true..

"Stop making it about them" Thats definitely the key. Its taken me a long time to realize this myself. Having a narcissistic parent and growing up in a Christian school that taught you to respect your parents. Im just getting over Covid, sick at home and my narcissistic parent wants to tell me how stupid I am for leaving a ceiling fan on in my room. He they dont pay for the electricity, its my house. In fact the narcissistic parent doesnt pay for anything. Ive been so sick and realized this person only cares about themself. Trivial stuff doesnt bother me.

"I don't worry about dieting, food is too good and life is too short" 😍

@oscarwilliamson6163

Жыл бұрын

Beach Bunny,You are beautiful,Hope you are not with a narcissist.....

“ storage unit for their shame “ Wow! BARS!!

So wish Doctor Ramani had been around many years ago and could have said all of this to my 18 year old self, could have potentially saved me decades of trying to please other people! Totally resonate with every word of this video. Thank you Doctor Ramani, xxxjools

Wow!! This says it all. Found myself traveling down the "I'll show him" road a few times but had to bring myself back to reality because like you said, they really really don't care. It took me a while to get that and I owe it to you and your videos.

Learning to erase those tapes, as I find them. Thank you.

Dr. Ramani, thank you for this vital message. I just want to remind you of the same: you are absolutely beautiful, your notoriety is the best kind, based on respect from colleagues in your field and from the millions of people you are helping through your content. You are making the world a better place, you are loved, and I am so grateful for each pearl of wisdom you share. 🌎❤️🙏🏼

It took years to get her voice out of my head criticizing me for breathing.

@joyalways1179

Жыл бұрын

Keep breathing deep deep breaths! You are a winner!

@metamorphosis9671

Жыл бұрын

But you did... ☆CONGRATULATIONS☆ Continue healing! 🦋

This is the best video on healing from NA I've seen. I realized that I was doing things for myself, following my heart, keeping my professional life, my education, and my healing process hidden from the narcissists. However a very small part of me did want to show them, but you're right, they would only find a way to destroy it or at the very least undermine it. No point risking that. Thank you very much.

"You were the storage unit for their shame"...well, isn't that the TRUTH! Loved this video and will watch it more than once to remind myself of this extremely great advice! Thank you again, Dr. Ramani...🙏💕

I really needed this today. Yesterday was a setback, I must have cried off and on for the better part of 4 hours. I've done a lot of growth, a lot of therapy, and set good boundaries, but the discard still hurts.

@lorettanericcio-bohlman567

Жыл бұрын

It is unbelievable cruel you know why? Because you wouldn’t treat someone like that. Buy yourself some flowers in honor of who you are and how far you’ve come 💐💪🏽

From a 57 year old male survivor from the UK the only way I could even begin to heal was to get the narc out of my life..block all communication and cut off all supply….I’m helping my new partner who experience much worse abuse….thanks to these videos it is helping 🇬🇧

I have an overwhelming sense of peace, to no longer have to deal with a wicked narcissist. ❤️✌️

You've saved my heart, mind, life. Thank you, Dr. Ramani ❤️

Oh yes I have healed from narcissistic abuse from 3 yrs ago. I have become my authentic self today. Not only did I/still do learn everything I am on narcissism, socialpaths and psychopaths, I also looked deep inside myself as to why I was allowing the abuse. I know I will never be abused again.

Trying to heal of the trauma post divorce- they “made me pay”, I tried it all. The issue became more aggressive and what was Lupus has now become other issues. So, I’m saying this because all too often we forget stress Makes us sick. I finally got into counseling, and as a “type A”, personality I’m driven to succeed. But, I cannot, ‘mind over matter’ (as some have tried to convince me, I must do) I know my body got mad at me for not leaving and the stalking really took its toll. But, I’m still believing, and I won’t stop. Some days are difficult, my doctors are trying to help me. But these types of people are nothing short of Dangerous, not just to you psychologically, but physically. Please Beware…. The costs are profound.

@gingerhenna9445

Жыл бұрын

I found a meditation book years ago that was concerning "women who do too much". I worked with myself to understand and see that I was unknowingly being driven by societies' unwritten rule book that said women have to manage everything in life, at a hard driving pace. That kind of unrealistic frantic lifestyle was Ironically a kind of addiction. In essence it is a way of numbing feelings. Basically denying good self care, healthy food, enough rest and limits on workloads, was always put on the back burner, while I was trying to look good and run the world. It was just ridiculous. And it was an aggressive and a weird power trip too, which is the opposite of taking good loving care of oneself. So learning to be patient and kind to myself helps so much on healing stress. And understanding I needed to change, because working like a maniac physically and or mentally was so hard, and it is dumb.We were given messages which are completely inappropriate for women's minds, bodies and soul. And bad for society too. With this kind of new loving understanding, we can give ourselves permission to write some healthy new rules where we are good enough and things get done in a timely enough fashion. And we intentionally limit activities that drain our adrenaline and cortisol. Doing small loving kind things for ourselves before during and after chores makes the world a better place.

@itisfinishednowtimetoclean2723

Жыл бұрын

@@gingerhenna9445 So True Ginger, and Thank You as I was that girl too! I no longer am. My type A is all focused inward I am going to request natural approach therapy and I’ll look into meditation. Am currently working with a trauma specialist and your right about the addiction thing, my father was an air traffic controller and that causes adrenal addiction… as do so many things! But your words are sage advice! I’ll look into what your suggestions are. I am now disabled (an odd gift of Lupus). But non the less I am, as we all are learning, much needed Balance…. You take Good care!

@littleiodine9480

Жыл бұрын

Just a suggestion to try it like this...... Our mind being a computer that was programmed with many different beliefs. We just replace the old belief with a new, healthier one, just like reprogramming our computers. Just like taking old contacts out of our phones and putting new ones in. It is helping me. Wish you well! 😊

@gingerhenna9445

Жыл бұрын

@@littleiodine9480 I just started taking iodine, and am feeling better already.I agree with your advice to change the programs ourselves! I often write up a new " bill of rights" when it's time for change. I have heard that to change anything the first person we need to inform of change is ourselves. And another very important understanding to change, is that we need to give ourselves permission to change. Our lives in the past were a bit like a battle field, survival mode. Giving ourselves permission to change helps us not to react to the change. In fact change can't happen without sincere understanding of how great a event our changing actually is. We are taking control of the program. We are now managing the control center. Give permission to things large and small. And as always we need safe healthy rules.

@gingerhenna9445

Жыл бұрын

@@itisfinishednowtimetoclean2723 these are all family diseases, and all are effected. We have to be aware that we do get effected not just by others being addicted to drugs or alcohol but also to intense high stress. In fact taking care of our adrenals in these enviroments is a real challenge. Thanks for sharing. We heal together!

The peace in my hart has been moving on for real finding me again my inner child and survive at the same time and take care of my wolf dogs keeps me too busy to care about him anylonger!!!thanks to YOU now I am truly healing

I still have lots of hate thoughts of what he did to me and I stayed for 50 years. Now free for 5 years...but still angry. It does help to know more about narcs to help understand these empty humans.

@oscarwilliamson6163

Жыл бұрын

Carol Gonzalez,You are beautiful,you don't need a narcissist in your life......

It took a long time to heal from a narcissistic marriage. I love that I now have a peaceful, joyful life.

Someday it would be nice to finally have all those narcissists out of my head. I'm sure they don't think about me. Another great video, thank you Dr. Ramini. And thank you for sharing your story, it helps. ❤

@oscarwilliamson6163

Жыл бұрын

Marie Borchardt,You don't need a narcissist in your life......

@chriscunningham8807

Жыл бұрын

The axe forgets; the tree remembers. An African proverb sums up this sad truth.

For me, seeing the Narc as a rabid animal is the perfect analogy. What happened to the creature may be tragic, but neither you nor anyone can help it. You can't really ask the rabid animal not to bite. You can't expect it to understand anything, or care. All stimuli are likely to trigger aggression. That's all. The only regrettable thing here is that it's against the law to deal with a narc the same way one usually deals with rabid wildlife in their yards, so I suppose no contact will have to suffice.

@marieborchardt2910

Жыл бұрын

Good analogy, made me laugh!

@macelvee

Жыл бұрын

Yep, no point in being upset at a dog that bites, a bee that stings, a mule that kicks, or a garbage narc spreading their stink everywhere...is the nature of the monster. 🤷‍♀️

@AwakenedAvocado

Жыл бұрын

I see it as an empty shell occupied , theres a shell. The projection, and the empty void inside. Honestly theres nothing else and you will both go crazy wanting to find something or believing that they'll change.

I find that they DO take notice when you're doing well, but they respond destructively. They can't stand it. And if you let them see you doing well, you're basically inviting them to come ruin your life again. So I try to do well in ways they don't see. The doing well is the point, not the being seen doing well, that only invites trouble.

@deeh5126

Жыл бұрын

I don't tell my ex any personal stuff. He doesn't hear about my triumphs, ever. And I think my kids have caught on to that too. My business doesn't have anything to do with him anymore, and unless it involves the kids, he has no need to know.

@AynenMakino

Жыл бұрын

@@deeh5126 I'm glad you're able to keep the abuser out of your successes! Well done!

It was only recently that I've realized that my parents meet the vast majority of criteria for narcissism, and this revelation has been a game changer. Since then, watching your videos and starting to understand the dynamics and why I've behaved the way I have, why my self-esteem has always been so low, etc, and lately my (normally hypercritical) inner voice has been soooo much kinder, like a loving, kind new parent. Yesterday I saw a mental image of myself at 10, having just been told by my narcissistic, popularity-obsessed mother that everyone hates me, and -- for the first time ever -- my instant, gut reaction to that sad, lonely, confused little girl was... compassion. Compassion, as opposed to the usual disgust. That incident yesterday took me by surprise. Something is changing. The soil is shifting.

This message is absolutely true! I disconnected myself from my whole Narc family and anyone associated with them...it feels like your mind is in a whirlwind when that life of mental/spiritual slavery is all you knew. For me, after maintaining no contact and re learning life everything feels like fresh air (both good and bad days).

This is uplifting on so many levels! I also made everything about the narc. with the 'I will show them' it wasn't until I chose to 'show' myself' that I went from dealing with the narcs. abuse to healing because I deserve it. My hopes are to go from surviving to thriving and becoming my best self. Thank you Dr. Ramani; your work is inspiring and brings positive hope to my healing process. 🦋

The best thing you can do is stop caring what they think about you. And no contact is the best way to do this. If you have mutual friends, ask them not to discuss your success with the other person. Don't be a supply.

Amen to that. Don’t wait for your narc to validate you. They never will, it’s not in their controlling interests for you to be confident. Once you stop giving them emotional content making you vulnerable to them, stop looking for validation from them, and realise they will never change, you can start to heal

This is very profound! As much as I was believing I’ve put the ex out of my head, I find my actions and thoughts are about proving something to spite him. You are spot on about him noticing anything I do. He didn’t give a shit while we were married, why do I think he’d give a shit now? Dang….it’s like I take 2 steps forward and 1 step back. I will be working towards living for me and getting out of this cycle.

Thank you for all this information Dr. Ramani. My healing finally started when I found your channel. It opened my eyes to something I have been blaming myself for all of my life. ❤️❤️❤️

This one hit hard! You're so right. I realize I've been trying to prove to myself and in a way, him, that I'm not the person he tried to convince me I was and I'm not the shell of the person I became in the relationship. I see myself more and more each day and as I rebuild my life, I have to remind myself that this is for my children, my life and myself!

I left my abusive narcissistic boyfriend today. I left with the clothes on my back and my dog. He’s in my apartment, most likely destroying everything I left behind. I don’t care. No amount of love or time is going to help him become a real person. Dr. Ramani, you’ve been my support system for a year now while I’ve been enduring pure hell. You’ve validated my experience and provided logic where logic hasn’t existed. Small steps now.

I find myself in tears every time I listen to your messages and advice in educated healing. Thank you Dr. Ramani!

After getting out of my last relationship with a possible narcissistic ex, I didn't rush my healing. I took my time to cry and process my pain. I focused on improvingng my mental health. For others, it might be too long but for me, it was just the right timing. Something I am grateful to have done for myself.

I love the last phase, " don't let them keep you hostage to their own shame" thank you for your videos

Great video, Dr. Ramani...you are right on with this. It HAS to be our own story without trying to impress the narcissist because they don't care and they are jealous and envious of my success. Thank you!

Thank you, Dr. Ramani. Your personal share about continuing attempts to engage a narcissist hit me like a gut punch, right down to the high pitched pleading tone of voice. I was right there myself about ten years ago.. I thought with age and maturity I had moved beyond that. Instead I was literally shipwrecked. Still trying to get over it. Thank you for all you do.

Years and years of it.. mental, verbal and emotional abuse.. you start to hear the voices in your head. So much so I have to ‘fight it’. Yet how I fight it now.. is tears of when it comes in, understanding why and where it comes from and be gentle and compassionate to me and remember that, it’s ok and why it happens. I swear Dr.Ramani, it’s like you are following my sessions with my therapist and the trauma team. Soo exactly in alignment with what we are doing. It’s really uncanny.. the tears that fall is only cuz I feel seen and heard and how incredibly helpful this is. Thank you and thank you for sharing your own vulnerable personal experiences. 🙏💜

You are Amazing! I have learned so much from listening to your channel! I divorced my Narcissistic husband almost Two years ago. So glad I found your videos, I realized that I was not the Crazy one! Thank you! ❤On the road to Healing! We have a son, I only hope and pray that he has wonderful authentic relationships with women!

This is so true... I just started working on an advanced degree. Everyone was excited for me, gave congratulations, and wished me well, even the pharmacist I see maybe once a month...Yet.... guess who pushed their insecurities off on me with more irrelevant hypotheticals! The parent who minimizes everything and continues with their scarcity victim mentality! Enough said!

Another one spot on. Lately I have been trying to leave behind the anger that helped me distance myself from a few people and stop doing the 'I'll show them' thing. It is hard to do. Those little voices are hard to silence, and trying harder to silence them makes them stronger. I am trying hard to no longer have to try at all!

thankyou for this video!!! I ve out over 4 yrs of 23 yr relationship/marriage and I ve done it all and am still struggling to live a life for myself, find things I like or love to do ect....., I didn't understand what was making feel "stuck" still,this makes perfect sense to me,I m still trauma bonded 😳🤦‍♀️ now I know what to work at,shutting their voices out is the key now!, all my narcissists are removed except inside my head!! game changer, I love and appreciate you so very dr. Ramini!!! you are a hero to me!!!!💯💐♥️

So true Doctor Ramani! Never listened, never a thank you, never a compliment, never loved. That was my life and my son's for nearly 50 wasted years... 6 yrs free now. Thank you Doctor Ramani!

This is for me, my healing, my responsibility.

"You have fully internalized the shame that they off-loaded onto you a long time ago. And it sucks! . . .They don't even have to be around anymore. You are judging yourself as they judged you." "It stopped being a mistake once I did one thing. I stopped making my healing and growth about them." Whoa, do I ever hear you on this post Dr. Ramani!

@hangryrabbit2023

Жыл бұрын

It has taken decades of talk therapy, reading self help books, CBT, DBT, etc. etc. to recognize that I have to love myself and have compassion for myself and WANT a life of my own before I could flip the switch to make my healing and growth about ME instead of my family and how I can't fit into their expectations, ever. My whole life was wasted on them through my own choices. MY choices! It took getting to a suicidal place (again) to finally flip the switch to see I really do want a life of my own before it is gone.

Excellent way to put dealing with the “voice(s)” that we internalize.

I can’t believe how your videos are like you were in the situation with me as it happened. So right on with their excuses and gaslighting ..

They DON’T care!!! You are so right Dr R!

What’s important to know is the facts. 1: they have never loved you in the past. And they will never love you in the future. Lovebombing ( flattery+ short term attension) , is not love. It’s not care. It’s not respect. 2: you can never get closure from the narcissist or they’re servants ( the flying monkeys, enablers) The secret is to cut these assholes out of your life ( also the enablers). And give your self closure. You owe the narcissist and the enablers nothing

@AwakenedAvocado

Жыл бұрын

I owe myself love, that's it

Thank you!!! It’s hard to see what I want but I went no contact and I hope I find out what my dreams and aspirations are!!! My future is so bright 😎

If I try I beat myself up. If I give in I beat myself up. I've been gaining some success streaming my guitar playing, and loving studying music. I told my dad about it and he immediately invalidated me by using his broken record statement of "you should pay live with other people". This made me realize that my success means nothing to him, he just wants me to do things his way. I guess it's good to understand this, but it still hurts to not have a father figure.

Dr. Ramani, your work is so incredibly important. You have played such an important role in my healing journey with your passion, authenticity and genuine care and concern. You are such a blessing to all of us. We’re listening. Thank you!! 🙏🏼☮️💟🕉

Thank you for this… I started practicing this some time back. It’s hard to break the ‘look at me’ when you aren’t all the way there yet. Even with the tiny things. Call yourself out & Make yourself stop

This was a good video for me. I think I’m coming to a point where I am finally (at 44) establishing myself as an autonomous person no longer ashamed of my own feelings, wants, needs, preferences, perspective. Giving myself permission to hold them even when they are challenged by others. I think I’m still on a slippery slope and it would be easy to be dragged back into being their shame bucket but then my eyes are open and I think that means eventually I will be free. I still don’t know exactly what that will look like for me but I finally see hope. I am becoming more and more resilient. They don’t like it and use guilting me to try and make me abandon my resolve but I remind myself that the guilt and shame is a part of the sickness. I’ve given myself permission to be wrong and to find out for myself. If they tell me I can’t or shouldn’t feel a way, I no longer bend because of guilt. I allow myself to sit in my own space until I either see through their game or can see their point. I, and ONLY I am in control of my own perspective.

I still feel low at times, but I am relieved that I can come home to a peaceful space without someone bullying me to be their personal slave or finding something to argue about as soon as I walk through the door. Freedom is a fantastic feeling, and I am ready to get my life back on track after feeling like I have wasted the last 15 years of my life. And as far as I am concerned, I have nothing to prove to anyone - just want to live my life for me for a change.

Thank you so much Doc!! I appreciate your vulnerability. I've had plenty revenge fantasies. I'm still working through it.

My husband often says my former narc boss lives "rent-free" in my brain. Since leaving that office, I've actually had a lot of progress in terms of not having the stress or lack of boundaries anymore but I think what still lingers for me is the anger and the fact that I now am annoyed at how much time I wasted letting this person have control over my life and health.

@jenniferascension7082

Жыл бұрын

Sooo my narc used to use my trauma against me to manipulate me and control me. *i* used to end up using these sentences because literally all we did was fight and it was SO frustrating. For example, whenever we used to argue, if it didn’t go his way, he’d threaten to leave me. Initially it worked and he’d start packing his bags, sending me into a tailspin (hello, abandonment issues). Eventually he did this so often that i would literally roll my eyes and be like “ok, here we go again”. Eventually he realized that this didn’t work. I definitely grey rocked him without even knowing what it was. I would accuse him so often of cheating, but he would conclude that it was me going “you’re imagining things”, “you have issues”, “you’re upset over nothing”. I was referred to a software expert who helped me clone his phone and laptop from which i got evidence of him cheating and I plan to seek for a divorce really soon. Are you doubting your partner or feels like he or she is cheating, send him a message:instagram.com/steveroger2010