Hello Subscribers: Thank you for checking out my videos and posting such thoughtful comments. It's inspiring to read your self-reflections and insights. I love how we grow from each other's sharing. One thing I have learned after years of reading comments is that we are not alone. Many of us have the same experiences when it comes to relationships. We are all trying to make sense of attachment trauma and learn better skills of relating. Great job everyone - keep going and keep learning! As I'm sure you can understand, I'm not able to respond to all the comments and questions here on KZread. I know this can be disappointing sometimes. Please forgive me. It is challenging to find the time for the careful consideration that is needed in order to respond to your heartfelt reflections. Even so, your vulnerability shines through. I know behind each comment is a real person with real feelings who's hurting or who’s reporting a triumph. I know you are doing the best you can while trying to make sense of life’s suffering. We are all grappling with what it means to be human. I’m sorry that I’m not always able to respond to your comments directly. That being said, I'm sharing this post to offer you a few resources in an attempt for us to stay connected. Keep in mind that I do read most comments here on KZread. Your words are received. I review comments daily, which serves as a way to organize content for future videos. If you have a question or an idea for a video that you think is important to explore when it comes to learning about relationships and healing attachment trauma, then I want to hear about it. Please submit your questions and ideas here: www.alanrobarge.com/questions ____ Many of us want to know how to heal, how to change, how to be more secure in our relationships. This is why I created the course The Four Attachment Distress Responses. Many of our behaviors in relationships are habitual - meaning we act out of autopilot. Our autopilot Response comes from past conditioning of negative experiences. When attachment injuries go unaddressed, we become insecure in our relationships. The Four Attachment Distress Responses Course describes each specific type of guardedness, which is how we try to protect ourselves from getting hurt again, while also attempting to get our attachment needs met. While we cannot change the past, we can change how we respond in the moment and in the future. This course offers you insights and tools as new ways to respond in your relationships. The Four Responses are Poking, Running, Hiding, and Submitting. You’re invited to take the quiz to learn more about your Response. Take The Four Attachment Distress Responses Quiz: www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz ____ I created an 8-week program and membership community based on the guiding principle of Self-Directed Healing Work #selfhealers that I want to share with you. The community is called Improve Your Relationships. The focus is about healing attachment injuries in the context of relationship repair in all areas of our lives. When we look at the big picture of how attachment injuries and attachment trauma occurred in our lives, we are able to begin seeing our relationship choices from a whole new perspective. We gain access to inner resources that shift how we relate and respond to old hurts. It's a process. It's layered. It requires commitment. This is what the community is all about - committing to your healing work. You are invited to join us. The community members are kind and supportive. We are an established group. The feedback and testimonials have been overwhelmingly positive. Please check out the link for more information: www.alanrobarge.com/community ____ Also, in addition to checking out my course and/or joining us in the Community, please consider becoming a Sustaining Supporter by making a financial contribution. Your contribution helps guarantee continued quality and accessible content. If you benefit from my videos and want to show your support for the value offered, then please make a donation: www.alanrobarge.com/donate ____ Thank you for being a channel subscriber and watching my videos. And remember, we invest in our healing work because “Emotional Connections Matter!” Best regards, Alan Robarge Attachment-Focused Psychotherapist www.alanrobarge.com/

Alan’s intelligence accompanied by his fierceness invites me to take my wholeness seriously - to make it my top priority.

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

4 ай бұрын

Yes, that's great to hear you're inspired to make yourself your top priority. Many of us are striving for this as well. This is something many focus on in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. It can be inspiring learning with others who are also learning. Thank you for the positive share and thank you for the kind feedback. www.healingattachmenttrauma.com/iyr_quiz_2

Alan. I really felt comforted to be reminded to acknowledge that inner child when my adult is going into a child ego state. Instead of beating myself up, to ask that inner child what it needs and be gentle and kind to it. That reminds me how important it is to have that inner dialogue with the self that is supportive and acknowledging rather than shaming and critical. I really got allot out of this video as I'm looking at different ways to measure or learn about maturity and mature relating to self and in relationship. Thank you so much!

Going through an awful break up. This video has helped tremendously. Thank you 🙏🏻

@oeu3669

3 жыл бұрын

It’s been a year. Really hope you feel much better ✨✨✨ I came out from one a month ago and figuring it out

Starting my day with one of your videos is my favourite morning routine. Thank you so much.

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

3 жыл бұрын

Katie, thanks for the feedback. I'm glad to hear my videos have been helpful for you in your routine. Thank you for valuing my work. If you'd like to learn how to engage more or support the continuation of my videos check out the options below: Take The Four Attachment Distress Responses Quiz www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz Check out the Community, Improve Your Relationships www.alanrobarge.com/community Make a direct donation www.alanrobarge.com/donate Thanks again for letting me know my videos are helpful.

watching video again... Alan, if you read this, i am so thankful for your work... You probably worked hard to reach this level of insight and ability to communicate them, but i believe you are also blessed with a gift and found your vocation. i had 2 nightmares last night and as best as i could i stayed with the memories when i woke, and was able to learn from my unconscious bt practicing sitting with my upset and scary feelings. thank you.

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

2 жыл бұрын

I appreciate the kind comments. Thanks for seeing my efforts. Glad this is helpful.

Mr. Robarge, you are changing my life! I thank God for you. Showers of blessings on you and your loved ones.

Thank you this video, this is the second video of yours I have watch and I needed this so badly today. Thank you for all of this

I am a great believer of responsible, self directed healing. There are valuable topps available, like from Louise Hay in her book You Can Heal Your Life.

Thanks. This video is very helpful in helping me to actually identify the actions I can take to actually “walk out” my recovery.

Another great video thank you!!

I love the way you use positive words. I've been feeling binge watching your videos and have come to many realizations. I'm so thankful for all that you do.

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

3 жыл бұрын

jj I'm glad to hear that the videos are helpful in your healing process. Others have reported feeling really encouraged with how quickly they learn through discussing topics covered in the videos and weekly posts in the Improve Your Relationships community, which I probably mentioned already. Consider joining in the conversations: www.alanrobarge.com/community Thanks again for your comments.

Thank you so much for sharing this wisdom and you are so right. We need to learn to trust ourselves and own our healing process step by step. You rock as a therapist Alan Robarge :) xx

Thank you Alan! I'm up for the challenge.

Brilliant!!!! You are saving my heart’s life!! Thank you Alan. ❤️❤️❤️

Great information, thank you!!

Your videos are really helping me reflect through a difficult time. Thank you!

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

3 жыл бұрын

I am so glad to hear that! I appreciate that you benefit my work and that my videos are resonating with you. My empathy to you about your difficult time. I hope you're making room for selfcare where you can. I want to invite you to my online Community, Improve Your Relationships. In this community, people from all over come to discuss their attachment wounds and injuries and they are met with validation, kindness, and support from the other members. Having a support system of people who understand can make such a positive impact on our healing work. We'd love to have you join and share with us. www.alanrobarge.com/community

Thank you for your videos Alan! I listen to you almost daily since I found you here! It is a great help with the best explanations ever in understanding some of my problems. Heartfelt greetings

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

6 жыл бұрын

Thanks for the comment Mar. That's wonderful that the videos are so helpful and offer understanding. Thanks for watching the video. If you find value in the videos, then you will find continued value in the membership community I created, Improve Your Relationships, with the 8-week program of thematic, group discussions. The community is somewhat new. I welcome you into the group if you think it's the right fit. Please learn more by checking out this info page. Details to register are on the page as well. Thanks so much for your comment and kind words. I"m glad the content resonates. alanrobarge.clickfunnels.com/register

My most immature relationship is with money. I can't seem to spend it wisely and often bail out my adult son with nothing left over for me beyond necessities. Appreciate any advice

@honeyfurfarm2182

11 ай бұрын

You need to make a budget or make it very difficult for you to get ahold of your money. Only carry cash while out leave credit card at home. Try and delay large purchases. It's a lifestyle and habitual issue and it takes time to improve. Don't worry about being perfect, just try and get better. First find out where it's going and study your habits then change one thing at a time.

Good stuff!

Alan your profound and wise approach to communicating growth through self healing has changed my life. 32 years of marriage now ending had left me with so much grief and confusion. Listening to your messages and focusing on my Spiritual growth has given me a Miraculous sense of peace, confidence and serenity. Thank you!!

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

3 жыл бұрын

Sheila, thank you for the comment. I'm glad to hear you're receiving benefit from my videos and that you are allowing in a sense of peace. Good for you for engaging in your grieving process. Thank you for valuing my work. If you'd like to learn how to engage more or support the continuation of my videos check out the options below: Take The Four Attachment Distress Responses Quiz www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz Check out the Community, Improve Your Relationships. There's a new 8-Week cycle of the program starting Monday 5/3. www.alanrobarge.com/community Make a direct donation www.alanrobarge.com/donate Thanks again for letting me know the videos are helpful.

Confusion - you got it right. Thank you for the alternate wording and despcription of maturing and maturity becaus the healing of wounds and illness do not have the same effect of creating a positive illustration for me.

Brilliant video. Nails me perfectly. I still have tantrums. I still protest. I can mature. It's never too late.

i'm devoting today, Mardi Gras, Tuesday, March 1, 2022, to learning from your videos.

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

2 жыл бұрын

Sounds like a plan. Thanks for valuing my work.

brilliant

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

2 жыл бұрын

thanks

my avoidant stragities or so ingrained and strong with over use. for me to break them feels like a imposablity. what is the root to this ????

@mireillelebeau2513

5 жыл бұрын

Shirley Moore Fear is the root, every thing will be fine is the mantra

13:50

What if, in your attachment injury, you learned to respond *beyond* your years? Even as a young child (5, 7, 10, whatever), your responses were habitually to take the role as an adult rather than functioning as a child in those situations? Of course, that "adulting" was not done very well, but the "default" when I'm under stress is not typically to respond as a child, but as a child taking on adult-level responsibility in the relationship in ways that seem to a threatened child to be appropriate. So do I seek out more child-appropriate responses in some situations, where it might be held healthily, so that I have some context in which to define a healthier maturity? Or do I seek out more maturity that at times will parrot the false-maturity of my childhood?

@halaali1721

5 жыл бұрын

In my experience I am very mature in some areas beyond my age and very undeveloped when it comes to romantic relationships, I am always in my fantasy world. never been in real relationship (37 years) and feeling stuck at age 7. in my career path I did very well as well as other areas where my mature self take the lead. I also question if it can be called healthy maturity because it is a result of trauma.

@vanessafriesen5198

4 жыл бұрын

I wonder if your adult response is a version of either freezing up to avoid feeling distressed or subconsciously not allowing yourself to be distressed? For the longest time I would usually go numb when I was upset. It's only been in the last few years that I started to realize how much pain, fear, and anger was buried under the numbness. Maybe if you search underneath the overly grown up response you'll find pain that needs tending to.

@vsgurumani307

2 жыл бұрын

Recognizing this in itself is a great sign of maturity. I think the way out is to just junk that need to be more "grown up" n keep getting into rescue situations. That will require an act of will n consciousness.

you changed the vases