Using Attachment Theory with MASTER Therapist Dr. Sue Johnson | Being Well Podcast

Dr. Sue Johnson, the founder of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), joins Dr. ‪@RickHanson‬ and me to explore how insights from attachment theory can transform our relationships. We discuss how attachment theory provides a map for understanding relationships, the challenges of making skills learned in therapy stick, and the role of vulnerability in creating authentic and fulfilling relationships. In this episode you'll learn how to use insights from attachment theory and EFT to create secure and emotionally healthy relationships.
Key Topics:
0:00 Introduction
1:50 Why Sue created Emotionally-Focused Therapy
9:00 Relationships as bonds not bargains
12:35 The amygdala and getting relationship skills to stick
17:15 What it feels like to be in a bonding conversation
25:50 The dance of relationship, validating vulnerabilities, and “finding the raw spot”
30:30 Having good modeling of a bonding conversation
31:20 Changing the way you relate to yourself
36:10 Where EFT is useful vs. Internal Family Systems
38:35 “The Amygdala Whisperer”
40:40 Relating with the inherent core of every being, and naming helplessness
45:40 Communicating how much you care about and value others
51:40 Individualism, and getting comfortable with vulnerability
59:05 Recap
About our Guest: Dr. Sue Johnson is a clinical psychologist, researcher, professor, and the founder of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), a widely used and respected approach to couples therapy. She is considered one of the foremost experts in the field of attachment, and has received numerous awards for her contributions to the field of psychotherapy. Dr. Johnson is also the author of seven books, including the best-selling Hold Me Tight.
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Who Am I: I'm Forrest, the co-author of Resilient (amzn.to/3iXLerD) and host of the Being Well Podcast (apple.co/38ufGG0). I'm making videos focused on simplifying psychology, mental health, and personal growth.
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🌍 www.forresthanson.com
📸 / f.hanson

Пікірлер: 96

  • @ForrestHanson
    @ForrestHansonАй бұрын

    I was deeply saddened to hear that Dr. Johnson passed recently after three years of living with cancer. In addition to being an absolute legend in the field, Sue was one of the most authentic and kind people I've had the privilege of meeting while doing the show. She had an incredible intelligence, wit, and incisiveness to her that was matched by an equally good sense of humor. Sue changed many, many lives through her work, and I'm grateful for the short time we spent together.

  • @vickilynn9514

    @vickilynn9514

    Ай бұрын

    Yes, it's heartbreaking. An absolute giant in the field

  • @desertbluesplaylist7550

    @desertbluesplaylist7550

    Ай бұрын

    Yes me too. RIP Sue ❤

  • @drsandhyathumsikumar4479

    @drsandhyathumsikumar4479

    Ай бұрын

    Yes. I am catching up with her wonderful personality and contributions 🎉 om shanti

  • @Jonathan-hn8bg

    @Jonathan-hn8bg

    Ай бұрын

    Thankyou for sharing this news Forrest.

  • @trueUncleJunior
    @trueUncleJuniorАй бұрын

    I am heartbroken to hear that Sue has left us. She has been battling cancer for the last 3 years but has given such great interviews.😢😢😢😢❤❤❤

  • @Pr3stss

    @Pr3stss

    Ай бұрын

    Oh my goodness! This just showed up in my feed on KZread. Maybe that is why. Her legacy is strong and beautiful.

  • @moralebooster8437
    @moralebooster84375 ай бұрын

    When Sue said "she's not depressed, she's heartbroken" it broke me into tears. I feel we don't have enough valid words in English to describe our pain and still have it taken care of. "Heartbreak" has this taste of temporary immaturity, like a teen after a breakup. But it really is so deep and describes the grief of our inner child. Thank you so much Sue for your great work

  • @valeriehowell3533

    @valeriehowell3533

    3 ай бұрын

    Me too.

  • @jamiesonlittle6581
    @jamiesonlittle65813 ай бұрын

    As a UK trained Family & Systemic Psychotherapist who has been training in EFT and using this approach over the last 18 months, I have been absolutely blown away by the results and the difference EFT has made to the individuals, couples and families I have used it with. Attachment theory is still predominantly used as a diagnostic tool, to label and diagnose. The EFT approach finally offers us a practical psycho-therapeutic approach to be able to support clients in pro-actively building connection and strengthening bonds between couples and family members. We should not under-estimate how challenging it must have been for Sue to pursue and develop these ideas in the face of challenge and ridicule by her colleagues. There was simply no room for emotion and attachment in the 1990s within family therapy. Thank you Sue, for persevering in developing this approach in the face of being sidelined and ignored for so long.

  • @erindabney2758
    @erindabney27583 ай бұрын

    Every time I listen to a video with Dr. Johnson, I cry and cry. Of all the therapists I’ve gone to and seen in the media, it seems like she’s the ONLY one who honestly believes and understands that humans are relational beings. All the other ones seem like they’re just paying lip service to this idea because so many people are struggling emotionally now. It’s so hard to exist in this world where every relationship has been forced into transactions. I wish I could find someone to interact with in person who isn’t subscribed to the extreme individuality of western culture.

  • @michellejansma165

    @michellejansma165

    3 ай бұрын

    Yes, without losing your own individuality and being seen for your strengths without being exploited.

  • @erindabney2758

    @erindabney2758

    3 ай бұрын

    @@michellejansma165 I’m struggling to see my individuality and who I am in relation to the people I care about. After years of unhelpful therapy and related content, I struggle NOT to see every single incidence of inconvenience as me being exploited. I wasn’t this sensitive to EVERYTHING before. I wasn’t so obsessed with how I feel before.

  • @debrasnook4714
    @debrasnook471410 ай бұрын

    18:55 the Dance... is the pattern to notice. 20:00 can we meet our vunerabilities and fear 23:00 the repair ( longing sadness grief ). 28:00 finding the raw spot What do you say to yourself 33:30 - get secure with Self (dont share with partner yet) The Client needs a new experience The Client needs a new experience 39:00 The Client needs a new experience not a new idea 42:00 What Blocks - focus track

  • @sylvesterblue
    @sylvesterblue7 күн бұрын

    We are priviledged Sue to have been part of your story

  • @Sunshinysky432
    @Sunshinysky432Ай бұрын

    I’m in tears with both heartbreak and hope after 30 years of marriage mostly doing the wrong dance. Thank you,Sue for becoming obsessed and understanding the emotions involved in this delicate dance of bonding and our own unique being and fear. Sue gets it and was able to articulate it for me! Grateful for a deeper understanding.🙏🏻

  • @valeriehowell3533

    @valeriehowell3533

    Ай бұрын

    We've been struggling too. Bought the book, bought the online course. Just couldn't get both of us involved. Finally decided to go to an intensive weekend soon. I too, have hope.

  • @SteveBurksMusic
    @SteveBurksMusic Жыл бұрын

    What a gem of an interview.

  • @danielfroggatt3475
    @danielfroggatt3475 Жыл бұрын

    This episode should win an award! I think I’ll have to listen to it twice

  • @tommac21

    @tommac21

    5 ай бұрын

    Or be put in the archives forever

  • @mickilicyes5399
    @mickilicyes5399 Жыл бұрын

    Such a wonderful interview! My husband and I have been married for 44 years and we are so close now. Having this information makes so many things clear about our struggles in our early years with each other. Thank you for this, so affirming.

  • @tommac21

    @tommac21

    5 ай бұрын

    Really it took someone who knows just as much as anyone on relationships for this to happen. That's sad

  • @bethbarkman5830
    @bethbarkman583010 ай бұрын

    I am in the middle of becoming a therapist because I sooooo believe in this approach. I choked up and teared up through the whole thing and I almost never EVER have feelings like this. I realize how much EFT aligns with my soul.

  • @matthewbeack357

    @matthewbeack357

    9 ай бұрын

    I'm also studying to be a therapist and am slowly learning EFIT! I had a similar reaction to yours as I was tearing up much of the time and thinking about the clients I am working with. All the best to you as you grow as a therapist!

  • @Pr3stss

    @Pr3stss

    Ай бұрын

    I’m also studying to be a therapist and am interested in EFT. Her focus on believing that people can grow, it really touched me.

  • @fionaarchibald502
    @fionaarchibald502 Жыл бұрын

    Amazing, thank you.

  • @paddee6096
    @paddee60963 ай бұрын

    I’m a coach focused on coming back to ones authenticity inner child work and attachment. This Is THE BEST interview. Dr. Sue Is incredible and aligns so much with the approach I’d like to take. I feel the same about the intellectualizing of the IFS parts. So for me this interview was so helpful and inspiring in how I want yo give to people. Thank you so much!

  • @MsGaella
    @MsGaella Жыл бұрын

    A truly excellent, life-altering interview. Forrest’s summary at the end was well done and helpful. Great work! Thank you.

  • @ForrestHanson

    @ForrestHanson

    Жыл бұрын

    Thank you!

  • @anecdotal_mattybs5435
    @anecdotal_mattybs5435 Жыл бұрын

    I am on a course in the uk to become a Psychological Well-being Practitioner (PWP) and have become very disillusioned with it and the treatment in our NHS. Without yet starting the job properly there are zero teachings on atunement and connection. Nothing on how to communicate and build trust. The language itself is demeaning and medicalising, labelling people as “patients” to be fixed. They have said that all these things are important but spent next to no time on them beyond shoe-horning “empathetic phrases” (like; that must be difficult for you/ I’m sorry to hear that) into a prepared script. I wouldn’t mind so much as obviously people break away from scripts, but about 80% of the course are immature and either don’t really care, or only want to put it down on a cv towards going for clinical psychologist and more money. At least PWP’s shouldn’t be treating anyone with complex issues……..but then we aren’t even taught properly what complexity is and what help they can get……..spoiler alert…….none.

  • @irektaflinski5449
    @irektaflinski5449Ай бұрын

    I love her!! And it’s so true and her story of childhood and work with couple is me ❤

  • @ZorianaSkalych
    @ZorianaSkalych14 күн бұрын

    Amazing interview! Full of insights, great questions and answers. Thank you!

  • @SamWhitlock
    @SamWhitlock Жыл бұрын

    I've been listening to this over and over while driving and as a non-itunes person I can't review it there, but this is honestly one of my favorite episodes ever. I still can't believe that this podcast has been such a rocketship of useful personal growth info, and this is no exception!

  • @joannamgodwin3072
    @joannamgodwin3072 Жыл бұрын

    Yes our inner child work is essential !!!!

  • @mer0902
    @mer09023 ай бұрын

    As a graduate student therapist in the midst of trying to carry the warring intellectualism, school training, real life experience, and attempt to trust my own presence in the room, this conversation was truly grounding and so so helpful!

  • @philippaking1732
    @philippaking1732 Жыл бұрын

    I always enjoy Forrest and Rick, but with Dr. Sue Johnson it was really special. Thank you.

  • @zerotoanime3953
    @zerotoanime3953 Жыл бұрын

    Very informative and inspiring.

  • @mysticgardener2704
    @mysticgardener27042 ай бұрын

    The amygdala whisperer! Love it. Listening to this is in itself healing for me.

  • @carolinaacastro2516
    @carolinaacastro2516 Жыл бұрын

    As a patient, I beg to differ from the point that the patient needs new experiences rather than new ideas I need both just as much. I can only speak from my perspective and as a person with C-PTSD, I can say that I had new experiences in my early adult life which I could not make sense of and they actually triggered me heavily because they were good experiences with safe people and I didn't know safety yet, and so became rather reactive to those new experiences. If I had understanding for my condition at that point, only then I could have properly interpreted those new experiences in order to properly integrate them as corrective experiences. I know this for myself because only now, with the new ideas that I am being able to absorb the new experiences without distorting, displacing or projecting, and I am finally getting results. That is my experience anyhow, not sure for others, but for me, I definitely need the new ideas before the new experiences, otherwise I used to just transform the new experiences into bad experiences, either by distorting or by full on turning them into bad ones by displacing. Love your content as always, thank you so much for this wonderful episode.

  • @ForrestHanson

    @ForrestHanson

    Жыл бұрын

    There's definitely a place for both!

  • @Simon_Hawkshaw
    @Simon_Hawkshaw Жыл бұрын

    Incredible, insightful discussion with so many revelations. Thank you for sharing this with us all.

  • @tommac21

    @tommac21

    5 ай бұрын

    How and why was this even a little bit insightful. Telling you things you already knew. These people are scam artist

  • @dorishaus400
    @dorishaus400 Жыл бұрын

    So helpful, I listened to it then listened again with my husband! I love how you were all so lighthearted while talking about a real life heavy subject. And your summary was amazing! We will listen to this one again and again!! 😇🤙🏼❤️

  • @broadcairnconsulting1002
    @broadcairnconsulting1002 Жыл бұрын

    Excellent episode

  • @crispycookie9739
    @crispycookie97395 ай бұрын

    What a stunning interview! I am 💯 convinced that if a therapist had been able to explain this, my ex and I might still be together. So grateful that Dr. Johnson is doing this work and for this channel!

  • @nadalia832
    @nadalia832 Жыл бұрын

    Clear and to the point, yet tactful and empathic. Very, very helpful and inspiring.

  • @kcarver0614
    @kcarver0614 Жыл бұрын

    Transformative. I heard this at such a perfect moment I can’t even express it. Thank you for this gift, and to Dr. Johnson for birthing this amazing work. Wow. Just wow.

  • @tommac21

    @tommac21

    5 ай бұрын

    What ork is it he does that's so amazing. Take naive people's money

  • @psychiatrypsychotherapy6939
    @psychiatrypsychotherapy69398 ай бұрын

    Excellent interview. Well thought out questions. Sue Johnson is amazing.

  • @monicadeandres6628
    @monicadeandres6628 Жыл бұрын

    Amazing session, thank you so much., Listened to so many things key to transformation. I think everyone should listen to it. Thank you Forrest and Rick for your generosity and wisdom.

  • @michellejansma165
    @michellejansma1653 ай бұрын

    I have been trying and failing at reaching my husband about the disconnect we have in our marriage. I have listened to many professionals, pschyotherapists on podcasts and videos, books, etc. The only thing that has finally made sense is YOU, Ms. Johnson. You are a genius and should win ALLL the prizes AALLL the accolades for what you have taught me. IT ALL COMES TOGETHER here. My only issue is that in the vulnerability of the moments that allow the underbelly of hurt and realness to be seen, too many times it's like face planting into a brick wall. It's painful and rejection at it's definition, I can not subject myself to it anymore. How do I move past that? Also...how do I hold empathy for his 10 yr old little boy but not 'fall for" him again? He does not hold space for me in return and I have had enough. He has empathy for small children as long as they are not too verbal. Please point me to the master class of empathy without codependance. Thank you for your willingness to follow this HIGH HIGH and beautiful calling.

  • @sharishakti9075
    @sharishakti9075 Жыл бұрын

    What an incredibly helpful and insightful talk! I love that we continue learning new ways to be with each other in healthy ways. Thank you so much!🥰

  • @alicebrison1899
    @alicebrison1899 Жыл бұрын

    Fantastic program!! Thanks, Forest, for hosting this! Time well-spent for me!!

  • @pascaleo3615
    @pascaleo3615 Жыл бұрын

    I'm an MFT in training and this interview was amazing! I plan to share it with as many people as possible.

  • @CB19087
    @CB19087 Жыл бұрын

    Listened to this this morning! Absolutely loved it, what a lovely combination of people. Sue is an inspiration 🙌 definitely a British sense of humour "no, they're an idiot" hahaha

  • @tommac21

    @tommac21

    5 ай бұрын

    Yeah she has to have a sense of humor. She believes she's a relationship expert. That's pretty humorous

  • @DeborahOlander
    @DeborahOlander Жыл бұрын

    Absolutely delightful as well as enlightening. Just lovely.

  • @kriskelley3562
    @kriskelley35622 ай бұрын

    I really appreciate this video. Sue is very good in the advice that she gave.

  • @ceeroar4068
    @ceeroar4068 Жыл бұрын

    This was really excellent Thankyou

  • @Diana-jx1ju
    @Diana-jx1ju3 ай бұрын

    What a beautiful conversation!

  • @mohini7858
    @mohini7858 Жыл бұрын

    This is gold. ❤ thank you so much for this wonderful interview.

  • @tommac21

    @tommac21

    5 ай бұрын

    Why was this gold.

  • @capngrace84
    @capngrace84 Жыл бұрын

    She's phenomenal!

  • @TaliaMellifera
    @TaliaMellifera10 ай бұрын

    I cried mmy way along what she explained and at the end I had to laugh about how she is after me, too, seeing me in trying to deny my pain and I humble myself into her saying 'every client I see I grow': - every man I see I grow 😢❤

  • @mariapapadopoulou4499
    @mariapapadopoulou4499 Жыл бұрын

    What an amazing and inspiring interview!! Many thanks to all three of you!!!

  • @irektaflinski5449
    @irektaflinski5449Ай бұрын

    Forrest you are such great and wise host that I feel you should be a psychologist too !!!

  • @Sarahwithanh444
    @Sarahwithanh444 Жыл бұрын

    Loved it - such an enlightening conversation to listen to!

  • @AKAndrew
    @AKAndrew3 ай бұрын

    Such an insightful, and entertaining episode. And Forest’s summary at the end was really helpful. Thank you!

  • @wasode20
    @wasode20 Жыл бұрын

    Thankyou,this is an amazing conversation!

  • @lynettejohnson9051
    @lynettejohnson90513 ай бұрын

    This podcast helped me more than you know. Much gratitude 🙏 ❤😊

  • @lynettejohnson9051

    @lynettejohnson9051

    3 ай бұрын

    As I heal myself and release the generational trauma I grew up in... I realized I was looking outside of myself for my value when I was searching for loving supportive authentic people to guide me to see my worth and heal myself. My goal is to teach others what I have learned so they can learn to heal. I have enjoyed reading about this type of therapy.

  • @mercedezp.6289
    @mercedezp.628910 ай бұрын

    Absolutely love this episode. Heard it on spotify, I am excited to watch your faces while watching this time!

  • @Iamtheoneiteach
    @Iamtheoneiteach2 ай бұрын

    Such a fan of all your guests and you’ve just helped me so much. Thank you for all you do🙏🏾✨🌵💃🏾🌀

  • @nidhikankan
    @nidhikankan5 ай бұрын

    Loved this interaction.Thanks

  • @shaz_66
    @shaz_66 Жыл бұрын

    Thank you for this incredible interview!

  • @BrillGirl82
    @BrillGirl82 Жыл бұрын

    So good and I’m diggin your gray streak, Forrest 😁

  • @bell10877
    @bell108779 ай бұрын

    Great ! Please talk together again! Loved it. 😊

  • @fraemme9379
    @fraemme9379 Жыл бұрын

    Really interesting, thank you 😊

  • @staceybillington683
    @staceybillington68310 ай бұрын

    This is an excellent interview. Thank you!

  • @Ekkiert8
    @Ekkiert86 ай бұрын

    Wow thank you for this video. Very insightful❤

  • @nateschocolatecroissants5463
    @nateschocolatecroissants5463 Жыл бұрын

    I cried during this interview as I realized the pain I felt in my own relationships. Thank you for the interview, I will try reading Dr. Johnson's book.

  • @lisabrothers7184
    @lisabrothers7184 Жыл бұрын

    Inspirational 🎉

  • @punyashloka4946
    @punyashloka494611 ай бұрын

    This was an amazing episode 👏.

  • @wendycarter7867
    @wendycarter7867 Жыл бұрын

    Wonderful interview

  • @drsandhyathumsikumar4479
    @drsandhyathumsikumar4479 Жыл бұрын

    Delightful 🎉

  • @vedaventer7800
    @vedaventer7800 Жыл бұрын

    Awesomeness

  • @SusanneGermanTutoring
    @SusanneGermanTutoringАй бұрын

    beautiful

  • @lydiafourmy6661
    @lydiafourmy6661 Жыл бұрын

  • @1999Chelsea
    @1999ChelseaАй бұрын

    What if you are alone? What if you are too afraid and unable to connect with others? Can you make do with surface relationships and do ok just being alone?

  • @inthelapoftheearth2418
    @inthelapoftheearth24183 ай бұрын

    This is a wonderful talk I learned alot

  • @joannalach6628
    @joannalach6628 Жыл бұрын

    Couples can move through power struggle phase by understanding their attachment styles and their partner’s attachment styles. Each attachment is a set of subconsciously stored beliefs about ourselves and emotional bond. Partners trigger each other and fall into same arguments which reinforce attachment wounds like; I am unimportant, I don’t matter, I am not good enough, I am defective. By healing these wounds and with communication partners can finally move to commitment, stability and bliss phase.

  • @allenadler
    @allenadler Жыл бұрын

    Merci !

  • @coppersense999
    @coppersense9998 ай бұрын

    Five kids! And no wonder, if he only feels loved by sex. Married 30 years, how hard did she have to work to prove she was sincere?? Im assuming a lot, but my goodness.

  • @korpiz
    @korpiz9 ай бұрын

    Perhaps is she had trained as a family and couples psychotherapist, she would have know better what to do initially. Slowing down an intense relationships interaction is like the first thing taught in systemic theory, not no to go Rogerian and apply an individualistic approach to relationships.

  • @user-sd6sp5kg8u
    @user-sd6sp5kg8u4 ай бұрын

    What is with the perminent smiles fixed irritatingly on your faces?