Hello Subscribers: Thank you for checking out my videos and posting such thoughtful comments. It's inspiring to read your self-reflections and insights. I love how we grow from each other's sharing. One thing I have learned after years of reading comments is that we are not alone. Many of us have the same experiences when it comes to relationships. We are all trying to make sense of attachment trauma and learn better skills of relating. Great job everyone - keep going and keep learning! As I'm sure you can understand, I'm not able to respond to all the comments and questions here on KZread. I know this can be disappointing sometimes. Please forgive me. It is challenging to find the time for the careful consideration that is needed in order to respond to your heartfelt reflections. Even so, your vulnerability shines through. I know behind each comment is a real person with real feelings who's hurting or who’s reporting a triumph. I know you are doing the best you can while trying to make sense of life’s suffering. We are all grappling with what it means to be human. I’m sorry that I’m not always able to respond to your comments directly. That being said, I'm sharing this post to offer you a few resources in an attempt for us to stay connected. Keep in mind that I do read most comments here on KZread. Your words are received. I review comments daily, which serves as a way to organize content for future videos. If you have a question or an idea for a video that you think is important to explore when it comes to learning about relationships and healing attachment trauma, then I want to hear about it. Please submit your questions and ideas here: www.alanrobarge.com/questions ____ Many of us want to know how to heal, how to change, how to be more secure in our relationships. This is why I created the course The Four Attachment Distress Responses. Many of our behaviors in relationships are habitual - meaning we act out of autopilot. Our autopilot Response comes from past conditioning of negative experiences. When attachment injuries go unaddressed, we become insecure in our relationships. The Four Attachment Distress Responses Course describes each specific type of guardedness, which is how we try to protect ourselves from getting hurt again, while also attempting to get our attachment needs met. While we cannot change the past, we can change how we respond in the moment and in the future. This course offers you insights and tools as new ways to respond in your relationships. The Four Responses are Poking, Running, Hiding, and Submitting. You’re invited to take the quiz to learn more about your Response. Take The Four Attachment Distress Responses Quiz: www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz ____ I created an 8-week program and membership community based on the guiding principle of Self-Directed Healing Work #selfhealers that I want to share with you. The community is called Improve Your Relationships. The focus is about healing attachment injuries in the context of relationship repair in all areas of our lives. When we look at the big picture of how attachment injuries and attachment trauma occurred in our lives, we are able to begin seeing our relationship choices from a whole new perspective. We gain access to inner resources that shift how we relate and respond to old hurts. It's a process. It's layered. It requires commitment. This is what the community is all about - committing to your healing work. You are invited to join us. The community members are kind and supportive. We are an established group. The feedback and testimonials have been overwhelmingly positive. Please check out the link for more information: www.alanrobarge.com/community ____ Also, in addition to checking out my course and/or joining us in the Community, please consider becoming a Sustaining Supporter by making a financial contribution. Your contribution helps guarantee continued quality and accessible content. If you benefit from my videos and want to show your support for the value offered, then please make a donation: www.alanrobarge.com/donate ____ Thank you for being a channel subscriber and watching my videos. And remember, we invest in our healing work because “Emotional Connections Matter!” Best regards, Alan Robarge Attachment-Focused Psychotherapist www.alanrobarge.com/

@alouise3557

9 ай бұрын

You are magnificent. I'm sure you're aware many of us are actually sabotaging our relationships. It comes out through things like accusations during periods of insecurity, and can be considered that WE are mistreating OTHERS as a result of this condition. It's a fact. Thank you for helping us. Hopefully I can return the favor in a different way. I'm *betting* that if you shorten your pinned comment to just the very basic couple of sentences (keep in mind we are now conditioned by social media for instant gratification and quick information gathering) you'll get a lot more clicks on your website and more signups. Most do not have the mental wiring to slow down and read complete descriptions. As a marketing strategist and sales professional for over 20 years, I can tell you it's a fact that what you have is incredible content that's brilliant and "saleable." You might consider editing it to say something like, "You are suffering. I'll help you remove the doubts that might be sabotaging your relationships. Cost: The class is a Monthly fee of $xx, cancel any time. Go here, and by this time tomorrow, you'll be on your way to stop the cycle and better understand what's happening to you." Incidentally, I'm nearly 50 years old and I can honestly say you're a great teacher. In fact, you almost remind me of how a pastor addresses his audience. Well done, and thanks again.

i cried watching this. thank you so much for making it. It is the first time i've heard anyone who really understands the depth of the pain this causes. It's the worst thing i've experienced. And to tell anyone that, would just sounds ridiculous. But this truly hurts more than any of the things in my life that sound objectively more harrowing and painful. Thank you for your compassion and understanding and hope.

@agniem9698

8 жыл бұрын

It gets better.. don't give up! look for answers in your past and learn from Alan.

@elevenbyfive

8 жыл бұрын

Agnie M Thank you. I will

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

8 жыл бұрын

Yes! I made this video for someone just like you. So glad you got it and that it resonates. Thanks for the comment.

@ernestinemorrison2799

6 жыл бұрын

I'm able to see my relationship with my sons' father and my sons relationship with someone he desperately wanted to be with. Whew, now I can breathe again. So much gratitude for having been guided to you Alan.

@alentoalen

5 жыл бұрын

It's funny, life is... I was 29, finally thinking I found the one. This georgeous, inetlligent and mature young woman, a 20 year old law student and a model. We fell in love. I tought I was in heaven. 6 months later I started feeling exactely as he descriped, sudden disconectedness and doubts... How can I figure out if this relationship is ok for me? Is the age gap a problem, what about children... The panic was so strong eventually my mind decided that we need to brake up but I didn't want to, I loved her and I was scared of lonely 30ies. Eventually I pushed her away to the point that she broke up with me. 3 months after I am still recovering and I want her back...even tough she might not be good fit for me at all. I will get better. Thank you Alan

The "call you later" bit had me in tears. I hate that moment.

@queenofhearts1138

4 жыл бұрын

Roelof Venter ill call you later is extremely painful for me my person does this often and its a complete throw away it hurts me Alot

Never forget that some partners pursued you solely for what they could get from you instead of looking for real life partners.

@Nina-jc3be

Жыл бұрын

I struggle with this.

These videos are literally saving my life right now.

@brookegazy2096

3 жыл бұрын

Me too!!!!!

@rebeccajones8628

3 жыл бұрын

Alan is my new older brother who is so wise.

I have an issue with the premise of totally leaving a relationship when theres a breakdown or your nervous system continually activates, only because my current relationship of 2 years has survived through that, has survived my anxious attachment behavior. I was really bad in the beginning. I had been through hell and high water with my partner; but because I practice self-care/self-love, cognitive therapy and light medication for anxiety and Depression, and I have matured a bit since, we are now better than ever. Not perfect. But there is a profound difference, to the point that he and I are able to laugh about those times. Just the other day I had a bit of insecurity come up, but nothing like before. I say this because if you deem the relationship as "worth it," that you actually have a good partner, thats it's not abusive or manipulative, then your own evolution will allow that relationship to work itself out. Work on yourself and it can work out, even when it seems too.

@lianab284

4 жыл бұрын

It's good to know that some people find good stable people who won't give up on you

@JessieInTheSky09

4 жыл бұрын

This happened with me and my partner as well. He was insecure attached and I was fearful avoidant. It’s exactly how you said, both people have to really want it, be honest about the behaviors, and create space for the ups and downs of the process of getting better together. It absolutely possible though

@sofiapaladino5172

3 жыл бұрын

All my partners have left me when I express insecurities and anxiety

@quietvalerie1

Жыл бұрын

I'm going through this right now, dating for 4 months and he's the most empathetic and caring person I've been with but we're still navigating the anxiety. But I'm in therapy and focusing on self love as much as I can. Thank you for sharing your positive experience. I've often thought I was doomed to be alone and this gives me hope. Thank you.

@mckenna9822

Жыл бұрын

Thank you for this. Felt very triggered around 23:00

I feel this with all relationships, even minor friendships. Its made me avoid romantic connections because its too much. But I feel so sad.

@sofiapaladino5172

3 жыл бұрын

Same

@00Blockhead00

2 жыл бұрын

oh shit i feel you. man i feel so unmanly because of this

@asj7732

2 жыл бұрын

Sammmmeeeeeeee

I’m tired of sabotaging my relationships due to my anxiety 😥

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

2 жыл бұрын

I hear you.

Could have used this information, 40 years ago.

@MA-un1mj

4 жыл бұрын

Me too!

You have no idea what a positive impact you have had on my life. You literally help keep me alive. Thank you for the knowledge, your love, your care, your concern, your understanding, empathy and support. Please keep doing what your doing. You are saving people's lives.

Amazing... Absolutely amazing.

I cannot fathom how every single word of this resonated.

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

2 жыл бұрын

Nice to hear that. Glad this deeply resonated. For more content like this you may like the course, The Four Attachment Distress Responses. Take the quiz to learn more www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz

This really becomes difficult and emotionally messy when both people have attachment trauma. One person feels ignored and can’t reach out to the other without triggering his or her feelings of “ not being enough/good enough”. The latter is rendered immobile, feeling old shame. The former is left without means to get his/her needs met and ends up soothing the other person. It’s like a cat chasing its own tail.

@worldofcats9611

Жыл бұрын

That was us 😢

OMG! THIS IS CRAZY how dead-on this video was how I was on my last relationship! Crazy!! I would wait at the window pacing waiting, looking for his truck, like a kid...having major anxiety while waiting then act cool when he'd finally show...wow

you're saving my life!

I heard about love addiction at the start of this year and saw other videos about it. I knew straight away I could relate but over the months I stopped studying it. Mainly because I was in a relationship that you describe. I have never heard anyone like you before, its almost like your speaking my most inner feelings, thoughts and emotions but in a way not even i understood it. I am a guy who use discernment in life (except my detachment issues), I'm all about seeking out answers. The things you talk about is on another level, thank you for your obvious commitment and understanding.

You just described my situation in detail. You understand finally someone understands. I just broke up from a 3 year relationship due to my anxious attachment. I felt rejected constantly. I feel releif and validated from this video. No one else understands, you explain it sooo clear. Thank you!!!!

Alan, I swear you are inside my head! I can't tell you the degree of relief I feel when I listen to you. I've passed your name on to a few friends who are also struggling. Thank you...

I won’t even consider dating someone seriously without knowing their attachment style. Nor will I consider dating someone who is uninterested in personal growth & cannot openly communicate. This is such important information, for everyone who does not want to be stuck in a wrong situation, with the wrong person.

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

Жыл бұрын

Thanks for your reflections. Glad this video spoke to you. I think it's so important to talk about why we get stuck in certain relationship patterns. Sometimes we don't realize how our relating patterns repeat themselves and how they get in the way. This is the focus of the course, The Four Attachment Distress Responses. Learn more by taking the quiz. www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz

Another great presentation. My worst anxiety comes in the very beginning of a forming relationship. Even the smallest of slights has me reeling thinking that this person no longer wants to be with me and has decided to move on. I over analyze and overthink almost every text, and everything that said between us. It’s extremely anxiety inducing. I’m going through it right now in fact. One day things seem OK, the next it feels like the sky is falling. One day it feels like things are feeling good, the next day it feels like there’s no way this person wants anything to do with me. It has me crawling out of my skin. The emotions are extreme, very uncomfortable, and non stop cycling. What you are describing is myself perfectly. My childhood was an abusive mess. It certainly seems I am digging up those same feelings over and over through other people and interactions. It feels like there is no hope to even keep doing this.

It's comforting to have your videos explain the origins of my horrific pain. I'm less alone now.

Thank you! I have felt "crazy" in my most recent relationship for going through the exact thought processes and feelings you have described here. My rational brain knew something was wrong, but that didn't prevent all of the heightened states of anxiety and panic. Thank you for the empathy and compassion and helping me see I'm not alone and that help might be possible.

I know that having attachment trauma you go for people who are unable to give you live and empathy. But the guilt of it not working is so strong. I don't know if I'm to blame for their behavior.

@checoesparza8879

4 жыл бұрын

I'm going thru this as well, n tbh the anxiety is going to ruin us if it doesn't stop 23 years later

@yasmaniaguiar8221

4 жыл бұрын

I blamed my anxious attachment pattern as well at times. But there are so many factors and complexity involved in one single person that two people being together makes it more complex. So my advice is the same one I give myself, focus on the lessons you learned wrote it down and review once in a while and don't make the same mistakes again. I hope this is helpful even though it's two years later

It's creepy how accurate this is. What a bizarre experience to discover this about yourself. This whole time that I thought I was just being incredibly loyal to all my partners, deluding myself into thinking that it was some conscious noble act, when really I was just too scared to leave a relationship that wasn't right. That's pretty deep. So grateful for these videos.

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

3 жыл бұрын

I’m glad this material resonates with you. If the information I offer is of benefit, then consider joining us in the membership community, Improve Your Relationships. We are a group of kind, supportive learners who want to make sense of our past relationships and learn new skills of better relating. You’re invited to join us. Here is a link for more info: www.alanrobarge.com/community

Thank you. I too cried while watching this. It was like I was listening to myself describe it. My pattern is to suffer in silence. My adult self recognizing that where I am at is not in line with the situation but unable to stop the feelings of finality, abandonment and loss just after not receiving a phone call from a partner for example. I just started therapy and while at times I feel like maybe im just too broken to ever have a healthy relationship I'm glad I'm working on myself.

RenaissanceGirl Thank you, thank you, thank you. For most of my 48 years I’ve been searching for these answers. From the bottom of my heart...thank you.

Thank you, Alan. This was very healing. You've put into words the feelings and thoughts that I could never express. Logically, I've known that my emotions were out of sync with reality but I couldn't understand why. Naturally, this just reinforced my belief that there was something inherently and irreparably wrong with me. Now I get it and I don't feel so alone. Thank you!

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

8 жыл бұрын

Your comment is inspiring. Thank you for sharing. I'm glad the video was helpful.

This is me.. only with certain people though. With all of my family and friends I'm fine but with my gf I'm like this. I don't know what to do, will I be like this with everyone I date? Or does it just depend on the personality? My gf is very flaky, says she will call but doesn't, says we will hang out but she doesn't show up, doesn't tell me about things going on with her unless I ask. It makes me very nervous. I do agree with that life or death feeling, I've had that so many times. I've felt like she chooses work over me or other people over me. I've tried to be more laid back and she tries to inform me better but I still have these freak outs. I have had to talk myself into being okay. It feel like it's so hard for things to work out with her and I like the universe is keeping us apart.

Alan, thank you so much. I've never heard a clearer or more accurate explanation of my own painful experience in close relationships. I've done "self growth stuff" for so long and repeatedly picked over the bones of my childhood in a very dysfunctional family. I know there's more growing to do, but this video showed me a light at the end of the tunnel. I so appreciate your offering of these videos.

This is my life. Wow.

Legit me, for so much of my life. Wow, it's like you're in my head and have been a fly on the wall throughout my life. I needed this today. Thank you.

These videos are spot on. I know all of these well, and I can see things objectively as it all plays out. I'm proud to say that because of this, it's not so traumatic as it used to be, but it's there. I'm with an anxious/avoidant. It's been HELL. After working with a psychologist, he made me realise I can't heal this but I need to not be involved with individuals that trigger these wounds. (noting that I work on myself constantly and always educate myself on this, so I can be more resiliant , and not rely on others for my state)

I cried from this video because of how much I can relate to this. This is a burner account I used when I was younger, but I'm 26 and this speaks to me on so many levels. I've struggled with healthy relationships all my life due to family issues which led to my trauma, frequently abandoning others first just because of how intense this fear of abandonment is. Sometimes being in a relationship is more painful than not due to these reasons. Opening my heart feels painful. I try not to let these feelings overcome my daily and professional life - I'm an entrepreneur with a successful new business and starting a second one soon, so I've had to repress these feelings in order to function on a day to day level, but privately I find myself frequently struggling with these kinds of feelings and never sharing them. Thank you for making your channel.

@RippleDrop.

Жыл бұрын

I feel you. Yes it's awful.

Mr. Robarge I cannot thank you enough this video is my life. It is so painful. I'm also dealing with severe grief from loosing my entire adult family in just 3yrs. Lost my younger sister just 4months ago. I am in a relationship like you described and the panic and stress is so painful. It has me questioning my sanity at times. No one has ever described how I felt until I saw this video. I wish I had the ability financially to have your help. But thank you for these videos so very much.

OMG! Now I understand some of the behavioral patterns in my life. I have always thought there was something wrong with me but now I see where the opportunity to heal and grow is. And that I’m not alone. Most of all I see how the neglect and abandonment from childhood has shown up as an adult. Thank you so much for all you do.

You described me to a t with the first 20 minutes of this video. I have this style and had been in a relationship with a avoidant dismissive. It has been the most stressful year and a half I have ever experienced. We just ended our relationship because we both knew we are hurting each other. Now I have to pick up the pieces and try and learn from them. Thanks for the video, it’s nice to know there are other people that understand how painful this can be.

What an amazing world we’d have if all men were so emotionally intelligent, sensitive and considerate of others.

Most people don't understand the pain...But yes, it does feel like a life threathening situation.

I just love you Alan! You have helped me understand my serious attachment trauma and that’s it’s ok to let go of something unhealthy. Thank you for all that you do!

Out of all of the videos I have watched, this one punched me dead in the gut. I had no idea what I have been experiencing. I get it now. Thank you so much!!

FThank you! This flags the subtle wrongness that has flared up at times even in an „OK“ relationship. „Normal dinner on a Friday night“ is a great hook to hang this on.

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

5 ай бұрын

You're welcome, glad to hear this video helped you identify some dynamics. Thanks for the feedback. I remember when we talked about red flags in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. You may like to participate. If you're not familiar with the Community take the relationship quiz. www.healingattachmenttrauma.com/iyr_quiz_2

Thank you Alan for your rare gift being able to put in words those feelings I have struggled with for 38 years In my destructive marriage. You are such a sweet and kind man and I didnt know such ones exist on this planet who can understand others feelings In this rare way. I just admire your insight of everything. Thanks for all your material you make for us.

I’m so moved and impressed by how effectively you relay these concepts!!! Thank you for sharing these videos with us!

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

4 жыл бұрын

Paria, Thank you for valuing my material. I’m glad this one resonates with you. If this information is of benefit, then consider joining us in the membership community, Improve Your Relationships. We are a group of kind, supportive learners who want to make sense of our past relationships and learn new skills of better relating. You’re invited to join us. Here is a link for more info: www.alanrobarge.com/community

In everything I have experienced, heard, and been a part of in my healing journey, this is the single most profound information I have ever encountered. Thank you Alan

I don't know if people are still reading this, but I'm in this extreme anxiety mode on and off now for about 2 months now, the time I moved together with my boyfriend. I'm 20, and he is 32, even though our ages didn't matter to us before, it's now an extreme trigger point for me, and I fear being groomed or manipulated by him - which is not happing objectively, and I know that, but it's still making me anxious. We're more than just our ages, and we were usually getting along so well. But now that I moved to his city, "left behind" my family and friends, I'm not sure if it all was "worth it". It's an extreme dark place to be in & I almost feel like loosing my mind about it. It finally wants to choose between staying or leaving, but I just can't. He's like everything I felt like I always wanted and needed. I love him so much, yet I feel so incredibly bad & he's suffering with me. I just hope it would end so it doesn't feel that bad anymore. But the thought of loosing him feels like dying to me. I feel so disconnected to him that I cry myself to sleep like every night we're falling asleep together, because it might be the last night we ever had.

@katarzynadrozd6783

Жыл бұрын

Please take care of yourself first

This is spot on to every level there is.... I’ve never heard it explained like this. Thank you for speaking the words I cannot.

THANK YOU THANK YOU....Listening to this message IS CALMING to me. !!! Clarity!! Clarity !! My nervous system feels like a breakdown !! The anxiety rules and my emotionally detached husband has never broken a sweat in being concerned that I am not comfortable in this lonely marriage. !! 4 decades of it !! .Through this message I am seeing why Im so PROVOKED.. His omission, detached persona set my fight or flight into orbit..!!! I know now that it is my responsibility to heal. .I always wanted him to acknowledge my experiences...or hear them...or help me sort things out...or give me some closure. Its never ever gonna happen ...

@bearbear6705

7 жыл бұрын

Ohhh as I listen to the last half of this message I can SEE that im not that girl...with my hub. ! Because of the length of our relationship I have ZERO desire to see him. When I see him my nervous system can get worked up....

The clear analysis and sound and sympathetic advice in this video, makes complete sense.Thank you, Alan.

Your literally the best in this realm on KZread. You should be way more popular...people need this info.

I’m not married now or dating, but i find these super helpful for understanding myself and others in any kind of relationship. Thank you for sharing. It’s really enlightening.

This is amazing and some of the most insightful stuff I have ever heard. Thank you immensely. You are doing amazing work brining all this to consciousness. Thank You.

I've had this problem with my mother. When you wake up its appalling. You feel so lonely. Thank you for this video. It makes so much sense.

I am going through my attachment fears and anxiety and this video keeps me on right track

Alan I just wanted to say thank you. I feel like this pointed out some of the triggers I have in myself and it helped so much to just hear it and have the small relief that its not just me.

@checoesparza8879

4 жыл бұрын

Your not alone Eddie, this started for me after 23 years marriage a long year breakup, where we both had other partners, she needed a place to live or leave state, we have kids but we are back together was drsinning n at times still is, but does love,loyalty over come this?

I cannot emphasize how helpful this video is for me. I literally felt my high stress level drop down while watching this. I finally feel fully understood. I constantly struggle to discern whether I am overreacting or is this person breadcrumbing me and is not a good potential partner. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

3 жыл бұрын

Katarzyna, it sounds like you are finding a sense of ground. Many of us struggle with overreacting especially when our attachment distress is triggered. I'm glad to hear this video was helpful and allowed you to slow down the stress response. Thank you for your comment. Also, please share this video with others who might also like it. Help me spread the word by sharing it via Instagram, Facebook, or twitter. It's important that we all keep talking about relationships. Thanks again.

you are incredibly gifted!, thank you for all your help.

Exactly, you didn't left any feeling out. This is awesome! Thanks!

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

Жыл бұрын

Glad this is helpful. Thanks for valuing my work and efforts. If this is helpful then you may also be interested in the course, The Four Attachment Distress Responses. Take the quiz to learn more: www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz

Omgosh….Alan, I just went through this exact thing….my experience was so intense….thank you for reminding me that I’m not alone! There’s much healing in those words, and thoughts.

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

10 ай бұрын

I hear you. Glad this video speaks to you. Thank you for valuing my efforts. Many of us can relate with this experience. If this video is helpful then you may also like being part of our conversations in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. You're invited. www.alanrobarge.com/community

Very clear and 100% how this re-enforce. Very helpful. For me however I am not calm when I am hooked about going somewhere together and It is not happening I freak out. I have an unproportional reaction. Yelling, screening, it is not easy. The painful reaction is there. Anger and it is not serving. It could be aggressive reaction. So managing that is not easy. And that what you say dealing with disappointment and sadness. I am so glad to discover your channel to process what is it and how to heal it. I am going join the facebook group for the healthy relationship tips. Can't wait. Thank you Master!!!

Total confusion, triggers, & panic. Just like he says. Its very kind that Alan has such empathy for us. I listen to him just for that reason. (My marriage was exhausting. Glad it's over, yet I fear losing my kid from the fallout. I appreciate Alan so much, he really "gets it").👍God bless

I have stumbled upon your video teachings and have found them extremely helpful

A huge thank you for you, Alan! I watched this video many times. You literally described my feelings and that I chose a wrong partner. We dated for a year. I knew almost from the beginning that something was off in our relationship but kept going. We broke up yesterday. It is heavy on my heart even when I understand logically everything. it is getting scary if I ever can fix my attachment style, my trauma. I just want to be happy. I am so grateful for people like you who share their knowledge and experience. Thank you.

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

Жыл бұрын

I hear you. Many of us have been there and can relate with these feelings around attachment trauma. Thank you for the kind words and for the feedback on this video. Glad my work brings you benefit. If this video is helpful then you may also be interested in the course, The Four Attachment Distress Responses. Take the quiz to learn more: www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz

So eye opening...wow makes a lo more sense, this helped me tremendously with my spiritual awakening journey thank you!!!!!

Never felt so understood before. Thank you Doc, every video that I watch from you gives me those tools to keep moving forward!

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

2 жыл бұрын

Thanks for letting me know you feel understood after watching the videos. If this content is helpful then check out The Four Attachment Distress Responses Quiz www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz Good for you seeking out tools to help you get one step forward. Thanks for the comment.

I cannot believe how you described me to a T, without ever meeting me.

You are dead on! It’s like you know every thought in my head

This has been the video that I needed all these years, I finally knew what to look for. Thank you. Next step, healing.

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

Жыл бұрын

Thanks for the feedback. Glad to hear this is helpful. Thanks for valuing my work. This topics comes up in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. It can be helpful learning with others who are also learning. I welcome you joining us: www.alanrobarge.com/community

This must have been written for me and i needed so much to hear this. Thank you, thank you, thank you! X

so helpful! i never understanded this so well. one of the best videos i''ve ever watched! i also cried watching this. so grateful for you and your work!

@checoesparza8879

4 жыл бұрын

Spot on

I burst out crying watching this video! (The first half)

Alan, you are amazing to give this to us. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

4 жыл бұрын

Christine, I’m glad this material resonates with you. If the information I offer is of benefit, then consider joining us in the membership community, Improve Your Relationships. We are a group of kind, supportive learners who want to make sense of our past relationships and learn new skills of better relating. You’re invited to join us. Here is a link for more info: www.alanrobarge.com/community

Alan…. I am so very grateful for finding your channel. Absolutely everything you have said in all your videos apply. You are amazing and so awesome! Thank you!

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

3 жыл бұрын

Thank you for the kind feedback. I'm glad to hear this content has been beneficial for you. If you haven't already subscribed, please do and share the videos with your friends. Help me spread the word. Thanks again.

This is the best information I’ve received on this subject!

This is me so often. Thank you for sharing this. I needed this!

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

7 ай бұрын

Many of us can relate. Glad this video is helpful. I know when this came up in our conversations in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. Learn more by taking the relationship quiz www.healingattachmenttrauma.com/iyr_quiz_2

Thank you! This all makes sense. I keep using some of the words you say and now it makes sense. Like "incongruence" and "confusion" and "intensity in the emotional reaction" and "it feels like you're imploding."

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

2 жыл бұрын

Glad to hear this content delivered helpful words. Thank you for valuing my work.

I am so Lucky to finally not be confused and have the explanation around whats happening. Yes denial, interesting how strongly its rooted in us to deny our own body and reactions. Thank you and bless you.

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

4 ай бұрын

Great insight. It's so interesting and saddening simultaneously how we learned to deny ourselves. This is so important to talk about and when others can relate we can learn so much. I wonder if you heard about the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. Thank you for the insightful comment and I'm glad the video is helpful. We continue finding clarity together. www.healingattachmenttrauma.com/iyr_quiz_2

This made me laugh, the phone conversation and thoughts underneath, I go through it often..

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

2 жыл бұрын

Glad this resonated for you. Thanks for commenting.

Wow, Alan, thank you so much for this video. I've been studying about attachment trauma for some time now and your video helps me to connect the dots even more.

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

2 жыл бұрын

You're welcome. Glad this delivered helpful connections. Thank you for valuing my work and efforts. This topic comes up in conversations in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. Some members have been there for over four years. Discussions are deep and insightful. You may like being a member. I invite you joining us: www.alanrobarge.com/community

Wow, this is 100% spot on especially the part about monitoring and needing reassurance

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

Жыл бұрын

Glad this spoke to you. Thanks for valuing my work. To learn more about what drives these behaviors you may be interested in the course, The Four Attachment Distress Responses. Take the quiz to learn more: www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz

Wow, it's exactly the way I feel. My last relationship was like that so painful and confusing. Here it's so we'll explained. I've cried and almost laugh also because I always felt that this, great anxiety and pain because of a phone call, used to make me feel mad and so I felt shamed. Thanks a lot Alan, thank you, this it's gold, it helps so much being understood

You’ve just described and explained everything that goes on in my head

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

8 ай бұрын

Glad this video resonates. I hear you. If this video is helpful then you may also like the relationship quiz. www.healingattachmenttrauma.com/iyr_quiz_2

I thought this related to hypersensitivity and over reaction, and also wondered what this was all about . I could relate to this totally. The example you give is exactly what happens.

profound, resonate. you have given words to my childhood and present self. much appreciated

You're just incredible. Thank you so much for your videos!

Alan, you are changing lives.

Wow. This is dead on. Thank you for this video.

this is spot on, you described my last relationship.

Alan youre super awesome. Havent found anyone describe this as profoundly since i first read work my Pia Melody back in 2016. I think perhaps i am not cut out for relationships. After studying attachment in college, attending 2 years of CBT consistently, and researching as a passion- i still fall into this same exact trap every time. Maybe I need to just have friends and mentor folks which is something i like to do. I dont feel like after all of these years i will ever truly heal from this dynamic

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

2 жыл бұрын

I can understand. Sometimes it's good to think in terms of welcoming different seasons of healing. Thank you for valuing my efforts to offer quality content. Glad it brings benefit.

Excellent and informative video!!! This is great information for me to know as I am on my healing journey after leaving a 20 year marriage! Thank you so much! I can’t thank you enough!! ❤️

So true. Thanks for your wisdom.

This video gave me such comfort during a hard time. Thank you.

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

Жыл бұрын

Empathy to you. Thank you for sharing this video is helpful and thank you for valuing my effort.

You are amazing at explaining this topic. I identify with this and feel heard. I look forward to watching more of your videos so I can understand my patterns better. Thank you so much and please never stop making these videos. I just went through a hard “break up” because of this issue.😢

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

Жыл бұрын

I appreciate the feedback. Thank you for sharing my videos are helpful for you. Glad my work brings you benefit. These are the type of topics that come up in conversations in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. I welcome you joining us: www.alanrobarge.com/community

Thanks for the supporting voice. It is helping me through some painful and confusing time.

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

Жыл бұрын

I hear you. I'm reminded how we need gentleness on ourselves. Thank you for valuing my work. Glad it is of benefit for you. If this video is helpful and you'd like to learn more about how these dynamics get set up then you may be interested in the course, The Four Attachment Distress Responses. Take the quiz to learn more: www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz

This is such good information! Thanks so much for sharing this.

Wow! This is an issue of mine and Ive never told anyone about it. You really understand it. It can get really dark, but doesn’t really make any sense in the moment...

This is an issue between my youngest son (40) and myself. Whenever we have a misunderstanding that makes me say huh?, what just happened? I feel uncomfortable and yes I'm afraid once again I'll be abandoned. Yes, no reconciling of differences and Alan has shed 💡 on exactly how our scenarios go. Smdh, another dysfunctional relationship with both of us needing Alan Robarge skills. However, he's my son and my oldest son has already disconnected emotionally and physically from me. Yes, it's excruciatingly painful and frightening. I'm going to play this video for my son and my support group of insecurely attached women. Thanks Alan for being the source we need. I'll be getting in touch with you about developing new skills

Thank you so so much for creating and sharing this ✨🦋

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

3 жыл бұрын

You're welcome Hannah. Glad you liked this one. You might also be interested in taking The Four Attachment Distress quiz to find out your response to relationship stress: www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz

I remember when my gf whose in the national guard left for 2 weeks to go to dc I got triggered in such a terrible way, I cried and cried, and when I finally saw her again I cried on her shoulder like a baby, my emotional response was WAY out of proportion to what was actually going on. Alot of what you said in this video hits home with how I feel sometimes.. thank you..

@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma

3 жыл бұрын

Many of our emotional states-of-mind are linked to or impacted by past trauma. This is often referred to as emotional flashbacks. Then, we find ourselves responding to these emotional triggers in predictable ways. I realized I needed to create a course to explain this further. When our attachment bonds are compromised, distress shows up as fear and anxiety. Many of us will default to one of the Four Responses to manage this distress, specifically our Fight reaction becomes Poking, Flight becomes Running, Freeze becomes Hiding, and Fawn becomes Submitting. Here is the link to the quiz to learn more: www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz

These videos are helping me, my adult self, to be lovable with my baby self.

Profound to understand. Thank you. I wish I had this insight explanation years ago.