The fact tha she's poly and wants you to be monogamous is already a massive red flag

@Darth12000

Ай бұрын

It works sometimes, it's not a red flag. What is, however, is the fact she clearly loves him and the others differently. I'm poly, and into closed poly relationships (meaning consent from the partners, like this guy in intro), but love is supposed to be equal among partners. Time is what's limited and shared. Not love.

@JBTFan124

Ай бұрын

Yup. I have no idea how anyone would subscribe to a lifetime of the absurd power imbalance here. She wants kids with you? How are you going to guarantee those kids are yours? If you can't keep your sexual urges confined to a person who is doing the same for you, and you also told him you would break up with him if he slept with another girl, you are out of your mind.

@Darth12000

Ай бұрын

@@JBTFan124 in a poly relationship, it doesn't really matter who's the dad as long as it's from within the polycule and consented by everyone. Otherwise, it's considered cheating on EVERYONE in the polycule. Yeah, cheating in a polyamorous relationship tends to have much more cascading consequences, funny enough. The guy deserves better.

@JBTFan124

Ай бұрын

@Darth12000 Are you and your partner both poly? Because I can somewhat understand that, but her having multiple partners, but telling him she will breakup with him if he sleeps with someone else is wild

@Darth12000

Ай бұрын

@@JBTFan124 in my case yes, but like I said it works sometimes when one is mono. It's just uncommon. Most of the time, a monogamous person feels additional jealousy in a polyamorous relationship the same way a poly person feels restrained and suffocating in a strictly monogamous relationship (and again, mono+poly in a strict mono relationship works too sometimes). The guy in the intro mentions it wasn't his first time in a polycule so that tells me the problem, even in his eyes, was never polyamory itself, but the inequality of love given by the girl.

There is nothing jealous or selfish wanting the one person in your life who you love dearly to pay attention to only you in a romantic relationship.

@mirandabeaubien8447

29 күн бұрын

She can be poly you cant.sounds like she has jealousy and control issues.not him.

@nichochan8681

29 күн бұрын

@@mirandabeaubien8447 It's more like it's fuckin stupid that she accuses him of being jealous but he's not allowed to have other partners outside of her.

@Kkell0x

28 күн бұрын

He needs to leave her for his sake. She is disgusting in so many ways. She is a hypocrite and she'll drive him to violence

@nichochan8681

27 күн бұрын

@@Kkell0x I'm not even part of the relationship and I feel violent hearing her behavior.

@ODDGiGGLES

27 күн бұрын

Ik I'm the only one that doesnt feel bad for buddy in the first story. He deserves her. Cant stand punchin bag ass people.

the issue here isn’t polyamory, it’s that she isn’t treating op well. she’s not being honest with him and that’s the worst thing you can do in any relationship edit: as i get further into the video, she’s not even practicing polyamory! saying it’s not ok for her partner to even flirt with someone while she gets her own other relationships is just plain contradictory

@ragnakleinen2109

28 күн бұрын

She doesn't even want to be poly, she wants the safety of a monogamous relationship but still fuck around and not grant that safety and commitment to her partner. She is a hypocrite.

He's monogamous and she's actively poly... How did he think this would turn out?

@JBTFan124

Ай бұрын

Seriously. How do people come to terms with this level of disrespect from their partner? She doesn't want as much as a kiss from her fiance in public, but she's groping her f***buddies in front of him?

@akool1462

29 күн бұрын

I'm actually really confused too... like it's so fucked up

@graceray2283

28 күн бұрын

She’s not really polyamorous. If she were she’d be fine with other girls flirting with and interacting with OP.

@shevonnerautenbach1180

28 күн бұрын

I know right

@shevonnerautenbach1180

28 күн бұрын

I agree

Thing is, she won’t even allow him to be poly. She just immediately shuts everything down. It’s actively a way for her to cheat on him. And I’m poly. This is not how polygamy works. You can’t treat your partner like shit, ensure he is monogamous and with no one else, but expect them to be okay with you being completely different with other people. She’s a major red flag

You are not important to her and she doesn't love you. Actually, I don't think she even likes you. Let her go.

My opinion on the first story If she’s not willing to let her other partners go because she’s “comfortable with them and not you” then she will never be comfortable with you. You need to let her go. She’s obviously not worried about you losing you because has other partners who will be there and have been for a long time. If she truly wants to be with you she will let them go after you expressed your feelings about the situation. If she’s not willing to let them go then she nerve will. You have to put your feelings first before you put anyone else’s feelings first. It’s gonna be hard yes but you will find someone who will care for you and love you as much as you do them. You shouldn’t have to be in the situation where you don’t even feel like you matter to someone who claims to love you and wants to be with you. If she was serious about you she woulda dropped the other relationships after you proposed and she said yes.

She’s mocking you for being jealous yet anytime someone flirts with you or she thinks about you sleeping with other people she gets so jealous that’s hypocritical also she says that she’s not comfortable with you yet, but you’re literally about to get married it’s super hypocritical of her to make you respect her needs but her not be willing to respect your needs

Story 1) I've never heard of a more toxic relationship, or one where one partner simply does not love or respect the other to this extent.. If OP stays in this relationship, he deserves whatever heartache she shells out to him.

@annamineer2521

29 күн бұрын

Agree. She wants to play but he has to stay...nah. She just wants to sleep around.

Run, run, run! She's using you, she does nothing for you but expect everything from you.

When they said she came from a conservative background this whole situation made sense. My guess is that deep down she is very uncomfortable with/ashamed of her sexual desires and is using OP to have the kind of "clean" vanilla relationship that she was brought up to believe a marriage was supposed to be while having her sexual needs met on a limited, low commitment basis that can set aside when her other partners are out of town. This woman needs a therapist, not a husband.

Play stupid games, win stupid prizes

First story]] Tbh its clear she doesn't value you as a partner and she just views you as a thing not as a person not as a partner in relationships there has to be compermises on both sides not one

*Where's The Video With The Rest Of The Updates To Story#'s 1 & The Updates To Story#3!*

This woman he is with got his head all gone. She won't do nothing with him sexual that he likes but will do it with other men. An have the thr nerve to threaten if he cheats she will leave. Poly or not you need to leave her.

As a polyamorous person, something about her having four partners rubs me the wrong way. Water floats my boat and vodka floats yours, so maybe other poly people disagree with my views but I digress. I personally only have two partners, both monogamous, but something about having double that amount AND a fifth monogamous partner who is expected to be fine and dandy with competing for your love is a bit off. Some people are genuinely polyamorous, and others just use it as an excuse to be adulterous or intimately/sensually involved with other people without seeming like an asshat. Just my views on it though.

For the first story, I must already say that the person is extremely thoughtful and I respect him enormously because it seems that he takes the time to correctly deduce everything and conclude. I just feel like they love each other but the situation is just too complicated. The main problem is the fact that she is "not comfortable" with him but what with these other partners ? Especially if, and I think it's true, you're her "safe option". This is the point that I think they need to work on, and redefine the efforts that they are prepared to make without torturing the other too much, as well as the boundaries that should not be crossed with other partners. And they absolutely have to talk to everyone, all her boyfriends, about why she would do things she doesn't like with them ? Maybe she doesn't dare say that she doesn't like it, but then she wouldn't be comfortable with them either, or she likes it but once every 6 months (si she lied, why ?) and in which case, see with you if you want something else and if she is ready to do it more often

@jadesterbaby

Ай бұрын

I agree, this guy is very thoughtful and very patient. To the extent of it being detrimental to himself, really. I think the difference between OP and the boyfriends is how they treat the woman and their expectations of her. She says she doesn’t like these specific things, then OP finds out she’s doing those things with the other boyfriends. Why? Maybe because, seeing as she’s 35 and has known them for a decade, she was still kinda young when she met those men. It would make sense to me that she was more interested in pleasing the other person rather than being focused on herself when she was younger. So the expectations in those relationships is about pleasing him, so she does things she doesn’t really care for because it makes her feel approval and value when she makes the other men happy. With OP, he is right that she sees him as the safe option. In their relationship, OP is the one taking the inferior/“people pleasing” role. He is always trying to do whatever he can to make her happy, to make her feel important and valued. He is the one seeking her approval, whereas in her other relationships, she is the one seeking approval. It bothers me that she demands total fidelity from him while she completely expects him to be okay with a handful of relationships she has with other men. But whatever, that was something he and she were both fine with. So fine. But she was breaking the rules they agreed to together anyway. It was very hurtful to him that she was openly affectionate with the other men publicly, but ~especially~ when she did it right in front of him. I mean, to the point that ~other~ people are coming up and checking on him, asking if he’s okay because she’s so engrossed in being handsy with another man, right in front of everybody?? Then she got mad at him! She pushed him away and went back to the other man. What? Why not stay there and talk to the man you’re going to marry? Shouldn’t that relationship have more weigh and importance, regardless of how long you’ve known them in comparison to the others? I feel sorry that their relationship probably ended, but I do think it’s for the best. They have different values, and that’s okay when you’re able to find a compromise that works for both. In this situation, she wasn’t willing to make the compromises he needed from her. It doesn’t make sense to me that you love someone so much that you want to live with them, marry them, have kids together, and spend the rest of your lives together, but then at the same time you aren’t as comfortable with that person as you are with other people that you see maybe a few times a year? I don’t know, I’ve never been in a poly type relationship, so my perspective here is based on a monogamous mentality I guess.

Being poly is weird ngl

@HelloIdontknowagoodname

29 күн бұрын

What is it? From What I understood from the vid it’s a free pass to cheat of something

@olivewolive4072

29 күн бұрын

​@HelloIdontknowagoodname basically meaning they can have multiple partners but imo its just a way for people who can't commit or have a stable relationship to be. Hoe

@Lunar_wolf-wx5fb

29 күн бұрын

@@HelloIdontknowagoodname it's when people have multiple romantic and/or sexual partners, with everyone in the relationships knowing and consenting. That's not exactly what OP's girlfriend was doing. It went more into just plain cheating as the boundaries they set in place were ignored. (Sorry, I know it's long. I don't normally type this much.)

@HelloIdontknowagoodname

29 күн бұрын

@@Lunar_wolf-wx5fb ok thanks for the explanation☺️

@jesschen5513

29 күн бұрын

Polynarmory doesn't typically work, unless there are ground rules in place, and it's agreed upon by both parties, it must be fair for both parties to work. It doesnt work in most ways, but if you get it just right it can. Doesn't mean that it's a good option, there are many reasons why polynarmory isn't a good option, mostly comes down to how balanced it has to be to work, which when dealing with humans, is something that is very hard to get control over.

"she's important to me" ok sure, but you do realise that after what you're saying, you're not to her ??? cause if she loved you, she would've be embarassed with PDA with you ... she apparently cares more about what strangers think of her, than you. also, polyamory is basically open cheating, and that's just the biggest red flag to ever exist. that and the fact she insist like crazy that you are taken and monogamous, while boning basically 5 other dudes at the same time, is insane. how can you stay in such a relationship ???

Oh damn this was posted 5 minutes ago i excpected to read a bunch of comments 😂

The first story the girlfriend doesn’t respect OP and is very toxic and is just using OP because she knows he’ll do whatever she wants he’s a safe option. That dude needs to leave her and find someone who will respect and love OP. That girl can just keep sleeping with her poly partners but OP needs to get out of that toxic relationship.

Being poly is a choice that you and your partner make

I am part poly aka I don’t need a poly relationship but If there is in option I might take it but anyway u are doing nothing wrong she is being horrible

This is what happens when polygamy is accepted in communities, the community falls apart. Like wtf...

Being poly honestly has nothing about how she treats him. People can date if one's monogamous and one's poly if they talk about it. She's purposely doing this to hurt him. And being polygamous is when you like multiple people at once and date them, with all parties knowing. It's not cheating but people do use this as an "excuse" to cheat. Though I hope he left her for someone better. I heard multiple other stories of a mono person and a poly person dating and it going well. Their relationship is one hundred times better than this. Both people respect each other's boundaries and some are even friends with their partner's other lovers.

So with the poly girl. I think Just Friends would be better Call of the engagement and get a relationship that gives you what you need

Story 1 is an older story. Since it sounds like OP never updated, I’m going to guess that he took her back.

@smsff7

29 күн бұрын

Shame.

It’s completely fine to be jealous It’s a human emotion and polyamory is not all about letting jealousy go. That is something that typically happens the polyamory is just what it sounds like having a relationship with multiple people it’s a choice there’s nothing wrong with it but she needs to accept that just like she has needs and you are respecting them you have needs like basic affection and she needs to respect your needs. Typically how the average polyamorous relationship works is when everyone involved is polyamorous

Poly and kids don’t mix. You can’t trust your poly wife to be around to feed your newborn every night

She needs so much therapy. And he does to put up with this. He matters, so she shuts him down and out. Her childhood must have been a huge hot mess. She is so frightened by intimacy it is amazing he lasted this long.

Im a supporter in lgbtq Plus and I'm trying to find myself right now I am gender fluid and bio I like girls more than boys although that's just messed up that girl is a very bad girl

I'm sorry she says that if he cheats on her she'll leave isn't she the girl with like five boyfriends if anything you should have 50 girlfriends if she gets to have an open relationship than you get to have an open relationship

Frankly, you’re allowed to feel that way. Your life isn’t supposed to revolve around someone at all times to the point where you disregard your own needs. Plus, she’s mad if anyone else flirts with you, but she’s allowed to have other relationships? I get that sexual and romantic needs are different, but she’s ignoring your needs for her own, especially with “making exceptions” a few days a year for others, but not for you. You can still love each other and still want to be together, but that doesn’t mean you’re good for each other. She’s allowed to have her love life and you’re allowed to have yours, and sometimes that clashes, and that’s okay.

I don't understand how your identity can be conflated with the number of partners one has?

And its the fact he was driving to op’s date in the second story 😭

This woman isn't a red flag but a red hot air balloon show? Run, forest run!

Screw her friends and her. This is all nonsense. Cut ties and find someone monogamous. Lots of people are loving. Staying out of guilt is so dumb.

I need an update

You don't destroy the person that you love, and it goes to her. She wants you to be what she needs you to be, you have no free will in your thoughts or even are allowed to be insecure about your side of the deal, might as well get a lobotomy, she wants you for her own needs but doesn't have any interest of bonding romantically with the real you. The red flags are infinite. A great person can be a putrid partner and she is. Rules are the first priority to poly relationships and she has no interest in them or even your wishes. Bad, horrible match with someone who choosing your suffering. Her own interests are the singular priority in her life, that and everything her other partners want, except for you, you're a token.

If someone is fine with you sleeping with other people when they aren’t allowed to as well maybe don’t treat them like dirt on top of that.

Grow a pair and walk away

This isn’t a “this is normal when dating someone poly” issue…this is “I need you at my convenience” issue….considering she gets sooooo testy if another woman hits on him. Yet she doesn’t give him the same treatment (or rather respect) she gives her other partners. I’m poly and have at least 3 other partners along with my boyfriend. But my boyfriend and I have rules in place and all my partners know at the end of the day, my boyfriend is my main. My boyfriend and my partners are all even friends. This woman just wants to have her cake and eat it too. Then put on the “I knew you’d leave me all along” sympathy pathetic act to skirt the fact she’s the reason her “safe option” says he’s done

Losing her identity of being a total cow? Mad

This is not polygamy shes literally using you for her own needs and totally hates doing something for you. She's able to sleep with others but your not allowed to, she can flirt with others but ur not allowed to,... This is so fucking toxic

Also what does poly mean?

S1 guy is a doormat of a doormat ...She clearly using him as a slave but he..🙄🤦🏻‍♀️

Question-what is monogamous?

@gasmaskloner6180

Ай бұрын

It's 2 partners that's it you and your partner nothing elts

@MashedPOTATO197

Ай бұрын

@@gasmaskloner6180 ok thanks you:)

@Darth12000

Ай бұрын

​@@MashedPOTATO197polyamorous is about allowing more people into the relationship. Irrespective of gender, mind you. The poly equivalent of a couple is called a polycule, and not everyone in a polycule necessarily date each other. Those who don't are called metamors to each other. Then there's polygamy, which is a toxic variation of polyamory, where you have 1 guy dating as many girls as he wants, but the girls can only date him and nobody else. This restriction violates the freedom principle of polyamory. There's also polyandry, which is polygamy but with genders reversed. Same problem

@TENZEN9AIZEN

29 күн бұрын

Why couldn't you google that spit?

#1 is a 403 not a poly and #3 no girl, you did the right thing sending the pic to the family group chat. You're sister is also a 403. Guess we now know why she and her hubby were fighting so much.

With story one he should not feel guilty for leaving her and nor should he feel guilty for being jealous number one I understand that she’s polyamorous and he’s monogamous, which is completely fine however, they set boundaries, especially him asking her not to show affection or be very flirty with her polyamorous partners in front of him yet it’s clear that she stepped over that boundary literally slammed that boundary jumped off the top rope with the metal chair to that boundary I understand not being close with somebody however, you are getting married to this man you are going to spend the rest of your life with this man you are planning to have children to have a future to become a grandmother with this man and yet somehow you are not comfortable with him. If you weren’t comfortable with him, you would’ve said it no when he proposed to you exactly how he said how much closer do you need to be to this man like did you need to date him for 10 years before you got married to him like did you need four years of high school four years of college two years of work and plenty of knowledge before you married this man I understand your polyamorous partners and you have had over a decade of knowing each other, however that doesn’t excuse the fact that you are neglecting your partner. He’s allowed to feel jealousy and should not be ashamed that he’s being deprived of things such as rough sex. It would be one thing if she was vanilla with him and her polyamorous partners, but instead, she’s only vanilla with him and not her polyamorous partners yet she already knows how he is, she also knows that he wanted to show displays of affection and here she goes saying to him that he can’t do that with her, but she can do it with her partners. Another thing that I really disliked about this was that she told him he was not allowed to sleep around, she’s allowed to be polyamorous and sleep with anybody she wants not saying that polyamory is bad however, if you both were into it, it would be another story he’s definitely being hard of himself because he feels as if he needs to repay her back for letting him stay with her during Covid. However, when you pay back somebody, you shouldn’t have to emotionally mentally or physically have to drain yourself to do so it’s clear what he hast to do. He needs to leave her because it’s clear that she is only focusing on her emotions and not his like he said she didn’t. Her partners already know what she’s into and what she’s not into It’s clear she’s losing out on a very nice man and I hope she opens her eyes and doesn’t act like this with her next partner and becomes a better person and I hope he finds a wonderful partner to spend the rest of his life with

She doesn't see you as man enough, and you're proving her point

Sometimes it does work but if you listen to the whole story she was doing public displays of affection with the other guys in front of him but won't do it with him. And they had ground rules she's broken. It works if you respect each others boundaries. She's not doing that

Polo is not legal in marriage

STOP BEING A SIMP!!!!!

🗿

🤮

15:42 you did nothing wrong they deserve to know how disgusting of a daughter they raised you did nothing bad

Is this Al generated? Its hard to believe that 2 ppl can be so weak. If its true pack your things, this is too cringy

I don't feel bad for man who throw all their self-respect away just to be the relationship and be a complete doormat he deserve everything he gets

@lindah3803

29 күн бұрын

No dignity, no self respect, no back bone,insecure.......

@cameron765

29 күн бұрын

@@lindah3803 I lost a lot of male friends who act like this I refuse to associate with people like that

Why the F does anyone want to be I such a toxic relationship. He is a weak person, the beta provider the partner doesn’t care about, the safe person. If your partner doesn’t want to kiss you or hold hands, she is not yours. My wife always take my hand when we are out, being proud of being my wife. That is how it should be, not this sick toxic relationship. I don’t believe in poly relationships work.

Tf id poly and monogomus or something?

@PRXDUX

23 күн бұрын

Is*

You one is monogamous and others poly, don’t dare, that is dumb idea. So end things and get with a monogamous person.

*7!*

Inadequate

Want is monogamous

Yikes

9min

Op is dumb as hell for staying with her she basically cheated on him right in front of him 2:07

Story 1 : OP is a doormat

Just say you’re poly 2 and do the same

You are only a option and safety. She doesn't really love you. move on with life and find a real partner.