"The brain records this as a success" WHAAAT 😱😱😱 I feel so much less crazy now, thank you so much for this. 😭

@DrRebeccaHeiss

Жыл бұрын

You're welcome. It's wild right? Ugh...wish I could get this message out to more people. Took me years to reconcile this work. Sending healing.

I've been on the other side of this. She froze and I took her home, she asked me to come inside but I declined. I wasn't feeling it. She behaved in an irregular manner, I felt like she understood what could develop if she was more vulnerable but that would make her lose control. This struggle between being vulnerable and being powerless/losing control, I think is the reason she finds relationships very difficult. It was difficult for me.

thank you so much for this video.... i cannot believe how few videos there are on youtube about this topic : (((

@DrRebeccaHeiss

2 жыл бұрын

Couldn’t agree more. I wish I could get it to the masses! Thanks for commenting. Reach out if I can help in anyway. ❤️

I wish this had more likes and views because you and the message deserves it. Thank you for seeing us and for carrying this mission. Bless✨

@DrRebeccaHeiss

2 жыл бұрын

Thank you Gloria. Really appreciate that feedback. Hopefully I can impact a few lives for the better. If so, all the work is worth it.

@OGimouse1

11 ай бұрын

It probably got mass down voted for misinformation and/or hate from the red pillers

8:09 - 8:33 - yes, in the freeze response is to survive. 8:41-8:50 - The victim also has incredible inner strength, a determination to succeed in surviving

I think this makes a lot of sense explaining the differences between male and female responses. An aggressor probably has little use for a male captive, so a guy's best option is to fight to the bitter end. Whereas that aggressor is more likely to violate a female captive but not kill her, so the freeze response makes sense. Both victims' outcomes rather suck, but it kind of hangs together.

This is one of the best videos I have ever seen! So glad I found it. Beautiful spoken.

@DrRebeccaHeiss

7 ай бұрын

Thank you so much!

Damn prolly the best Ted talk I’ve seen

@DrRebeccaHeiss

4 ай бұрын

Wow. Thank you!

This is SO important. Thank you for this work.

@DrRebeccaHeiss

3 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much! Wish I had a better way to push this information out there!

@BrynWoz

3 жыл бұрын

@@DrRebeccaHeiss Yeah that’s the tough thing. I’d say try to get on some popular podcasts, there I’ve got to be tons of podcasts the cover trauma like this. Write a medium article? And there’s always paid advertising which will definitely get eyes on it, but usually not enough to make it viral

@DrRebeccaHeiss

3 жыл бұрын

@@BrynWoz www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/psych-illogical/201808/grinning-and-bearing-it

This is so valuable... immensely valuable! Thank you !

@DrRebeccaHeiss

11 ай бұрын

You're most welcome! I'm glad you found it useful!

I really really needed to hear this. Thank you.

@DrRebeccaHeiss

7 ай бұрын

I'm really glad you found it. Here if you need me.

Very necessary and important lesson.

@DrRebeccaHeiss

2 жыл бұрын

Thank you!

Excellent job. You are a great speaker. Keep going.

@DrRebeccaHeiss

11 ай бұрын

Thank you!

Will Smith wasnt talking about sex or sexually conquering a woman though…. He was giving men with genuine intetions a way to pursue and woo the woman they liked into a commited Healthy relationship. Even in the movie he turns down a Guy whos tryna use his Services and tactics to get into a woman pants just to use her for sex (which would make her feel violated). I think this distinction is pretty important just for the Sake of modern day dating culture…. Alot of women are exhausted and a have been violated by men so many times that they do reject first attempts very easily… the movie teaches men to pursue a woman in a way that SHE feels comfortable and safe and most of all is respected during the pursuit..again wanting to pursue a helathy relationship with someone is very different than just using a Person for sex. Obviously if a Person makes it very clear theyre not interested in getting to know you at all or its not the right time etc you have to respect that.

I was assaulted in 2018 at a massage parlor during the service masseuse groped my private area more than once . I reported him to the police , we went to trial in 2021 and he was acquitted as my story was unbelievable . I was questioned over and over again why I didn’t scream , why I still paid for the service and when I requested a refund of the service days later , why did I say it was due to "neck pain" from the massage and not because I was assaulted. I have no idea why I didn’t speak up and I regret it often but I’m working on forgiving myself . He has since done it again to another young lady and I hope she does not blame herself as I did for many many years

@DrRebeccaHeiss

6 ай бұрын

I’m so sorry. It’s not your fault. Say it to yourself every day. Your brain and body were just doing what you were evolved and conditioned to do to survive. I hope you can find some healing. ❤️‍🩹

My rapist was my martial arts teacher 😢

@DrRebeccaHeiss

10 ай бұрын

I’m so sorry for your trauma. I hope you’ve found healing ❤️‍🩹

@DrRebeccaHeiss

7 ай бұрын

@arturoenriquez7556 Oh this is so hard to read. I hope she has found some peace.

On the one hand, I guess you kind of have to give someone credit for getting up on stage all alone. But on the other hand, her speech is overly scripted and over-animated.

@DrRebeccaHeiss

10 ай бұрын

Sorry to disappoint. I hope the content was worth the watch!

@DaRyteJuan

10 ай бұрын

@@DrRebeccaHeissI left my comment before getting to the end. But since you took the time out to respond to my comment, I thought I’d come back and watch it to end. Well, if it makes you feel any better, last April I was manipulated into undergoing an annual physical by my female doctor which she used to sexually assault me right under the nose of a female nurse who was ostensibly there to chaperone. This is to say, no one told me this exam of the male genitalia was coming, and by the time I understood what was happening the freeze response had already kicked in. I didn’t know what to do other than to lie motionless while she did whatever she wanted lifting up the flimsy paper gown for the female nurse to see. It was as if to say to everyone in the room, “You see how powerful I am? I can command a man who’s 18 years older than me to remove his underwear, get up on the exam table and let me do whatever I want. I can even tempt him with arousal in front on my nurse. And if his penis _does_ respond to my touch, I can immediately PUNISH him for doing so.”

@DaRyteJuan

10 ай бұрын

@@DrRebeccaHeiss Also. You need didn’t to apologize. You’re very brave. Your speech may have resonated with someone out there, and I guess that’s really what matters. You’ve shown a lot of courage. Sorry I was so critical. I didn’t know you actually hosted this channel. 🙏

@DrRebeccaHeiss

10 ай бұрын

@@DaRyteJuan ehhh no worries! I appreciate critical feedback! That’s always how we grow. I also super appreciate your kind comments.

@DaRyteJuan

10 ай бұрын

@@DrRebeccaHeiss ♥️ Many blessings. 🙏

This is 4 parts narcissism and 1 part valuable information. Why don't you just tell your story without the performance and drama. Did you also know that men are victims of sexual assaults too? Your real problem is that you still believe the childhood narrative that men are perpetrators and women are victims. Sexual assault is about power and not gender.

@DrRebeccaHeiss

Жыл бұрын

Well, I'm sorry you feel that this was narcissistic (I'm curious about where that comes from) but I'm glad you got something useful from it. I did actually include that in this talk. In fact, I mentioned quite clearly that message around the 10:50 mark when I suggest we need to EMPOWER men. I don't believe that all men are perpetrators and women are victims - I trust the stats that 90% of perpetrators are men in the cases against women and 93% of the perpetrators are men in the cases against men. So yeah.....I thin you're correct in saying that sexual assault is about power.....but we have to look at who has power. And I'd argue that means, this is also....about gender.

@billyd1436

Жыл бұрын

@@DrRebeccaHeiss In fairness, I cut out of the video part way through, but it's hard to know where to start and where to stop this as I consider a response. But in watching the rest of the presentation/performance my response changes little. Your stats are way out of date. See Lara Stemple from UCLA, Joan Cook from Yale, and Emily Dworkin from the University of Washington who have all laid bare the hidden epidemic of male victims of sexual assault, and the considerable role that women play in both sexual perpetration, and in domestic abuse and domestic violence...and also advocate for a gendered neutrality on issues of intimate partner violence. Also, try to get a hold of the Intimate Partner Violence Survey (latest edition). Also, comprehend that even the testosterone laden FBI has updated its definition of rape to be gender neutral. Your comment about "empowering" men is directed at a blanket condemnation of men as perpetrators who need to be "fixed" from their pathological prowess. This is as demeaning to men as a group, as many of the stereotypes that women have had to endure for way too long. You seem to be stuck in the "us verses them" mentality which is the same perspective of patriarchal systems, and has nothing to do with the ongoing work of many of us who seek to change the "the way we think". You don't seem to have received that message yet, perhaps because you are taking your behavioral cues from the very (narcissistic) men and (narcissistic) patriarchal systems that you want to (and should) deride. One of the existential problems we all face at this point in time, is just that fact. Many women have embraced "feminism" in an unhealthy way such that for them... "equality with men" is the goal and desired effect. Why would you have a critique of men and then turn around and want to operate in the world they have created, and then to go on and act like them? What we need is a cooperative dialogue between men and women to come together as allies and carve out a new way of thinking, creating and acting in the world. This video with its divisive language and theatrical belittling is the same crap that men have rained down on women for centuries. Also... Beyond having decades of living a life informed by an esoteric feminist viewpoint that has served me well, my perspective arises from my direct experience. First, sexually violated in childhood, and then in the last 4 years I have endured sexual assaults by two different women, the first was a DFSA (drug facilitated sexual assaults) and the next was by a women I had just entered into a relationship with, and it was a scant three weeks after I confided in her that I had been previously sexually assaulted (to engender trust and sensitivity in a newly forming relationship).... that she sexually assaulted me. That's right, our first sexual encounter was a sexual assault on the heals of a previous one. The other word for that is predation. Both of those perpetrators identify as "white, liberal, privileged feminists". So now you are thinking... "Why didn't you stop it", " Why didn't you just leave", "why didn't you do this or that? Right? Anything to shift the blame away from women perpetrators (your identity group) to the victim. Sound familiar? The truth is that I had a freeze response (also called tonic immobility) due to the previous assaults, but understanding may be outside your realm of possibility as it was at this point in your performance that you claimed that women are wired to freeze, and men are wired to think they are god's gift (or whatever ridiculous thing you said). Yes, men have freeze responses too because it is about the central nervous system and brain function, and not because of the existence or absence of a vagina or penis. I know... hard to believe, but it's twenty first century science. Again... the numbers you use are skewed and that is partially because you haven't updated yourself, but also because men report in fewer numbers than women, because (in part) they are belittled by ignorant rants like the one in this video. Most men are way more sensitive, loving and caring than you and some other feminists of a particular sort are willing to accept. We (many men) also have unique issues as do women, and we will all be best served if we learn from each other rather trying to gain an upper hand based on gender-wars predicated on perceived superiority and inferiority. People, men and women, need sensitivity and open acceptance to overcome the horrors of sexual assault -- and you, or any other woman, or the "collective woman" has no lock on being victimized by thoughtless, mentally disturbed, predatory individuals. Perhaps you can re-educate yourself, open your heart, stop thinking of "your kind" as victims, and do another video that has value to the larger community. Together we can do this, I invite you to join those of us who choose not to use divisive language to bring us all together and heal this planet. Peace to you, sister. BD PS...there is a decided edge to my response which I take responsibility for and that I apologize for as well. It is rooted in having to endure (for four years and counting) the same struggle as women who feel they are not believed, not taken seriously and who have to struggle to maintain internal composure in the swamp of PTSD when confronted with unnecessary insensitivity's as unexpected obstacles to regaining full health. Indeed, we have more in common than you think. :)

@DrRebeccaHeiss

Жыл бұрын

@@billyd1436 For what it's worth, there is a lot here that I agree with. The stats I used were from 2018 (as that was the year this was done). While the tone of this comment certainly can be offputting at times (I do understand tonic immobility as a stress physiologist and that it occurs in ALL genders) I agree with more than I disagree with here. I'm sorry you suffered what you did as no one, of any age, race, gender, identity etc. deserves that. And NO, I wasn't thinking "why didn't you...." because it's NOT a gendered issue. But the freeze response NOT being in the literature prior to the 1990s was. The fact that we still don't teach it, is a problem. Because women's stress responses weren't studied. And because, yes, we are biologically wired differently -men and women. That is NOT to say that women aren't perpetrators or that all men are. Please don't go to that binary thinking you accuse me of being embedded in. That's only to say that this message was meant to be helpful to so many who had experienced the freeze response and blamed themselves. I'm sorry if it offended you and if I could go back and make it more gender neutral in areas I would. That said, I hope the message is still valuable for many. At the core it's this - FREEZE happens, and it's not your fault. May you find healing and peace.

@vintage6346

11 ай бұрын

@@billyd1436 I definitely heard her include men as victims, though the percentage of male victims is smaller. I don't think that she needed to dawdle away more time on which sex gets victimized more often. Ted talks are supposed to be concise.