*Petition to have Tom purchase a shock collar so he can zap Bert whenever he talks over him*

@OGxMINI

4 жыл бұрын

I’ve actually never seen a better idea in my entire life. Fuck the drinking game, this would get him to stop doing all the stuff featured in that game

@holleymi2000

4 жыл бұрын

ha ha gold

@jpk51

4 жыл бұрын

PLEASE

@ryanlaughman324

4 жыл бұрын

Signed

@nickmitchell7584

4 жыл бұрын

Oh you mean the B Schaub collar

Listening to Bert trying to read an ad is like listening to a toddler trying to tell you about their day

@ethanp9068

4 жыл бұрын

Yup they start with the middle and then end with the beginning

@pizzawalrus

4 жыл бұрын

this has me cryin

@xOneCinema

4 жыл бұрын

Pretty sure it's the same thing

@backupinit

4 жыл бұрын

In a way it is ..

@KZ_MMA_

4 жыл бұрын

He reads like the 3rd best kid in preschool

All I know is I started saying “a hunderred percent” and I can’t stop. Please save me.

@xiuxiu60

4 жыл бұрын

a HUNDRED percent

@vhscopyofseinfeld

4 жыл бұрын

Shannon DeVaughn bro I JUST said it and had the same thought.

@nickgrimes6484

4 жыл бұрын

Take a shot!

@Stbuster31

4 жыл бұрын

Sam Tripoli got me saying it too

@mortenchristensrn2487

4 жыл бұрын

Im doing it too... and im danish...

“Would Cosby like Bert?” He’d probably like Ari more...

@CreossCross

4 жыл бұрын

Cosby walked so Ari could run

@colina1330

4 жыл бұрын

Burrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrn.

@shroomshady27

3 жыл бұрын

Ha! That was a good one. -

Bert doesn't want people to know his address but wants to be the only house in the state with a moat.

@Ipipeyourmom

4 жыл бұрын

He could disguise his house as a mountain and just live as a bear

@hunterthompson6295

4 жыл бұрын

@@Ipipeyourmom you could also make more accounts to like your own comment. 1 thumbs up 👍 is preety damn lonely.

@R.Nail-nu3ly

4 жыл бұрын

@@hunterthompson6295 no thumbs for u

@sisyr5615

4 жыл бұрын

@@hunterthompson6295 not as lonely as your zero, mate

@jayc1397

4 жыл бұрын

This needs to be the top comment

I’m really proud of Brett, he made it a full 4 seconds before stuttering!

@amushroomtrip

4 жыл бұрын

That’s a restart not a stutter

@DNYGdj

4 жыл бұрын

And a whole 20 without berating his wife for humour!

@hunterkaimi

4 жыл бұрын

He’s fully Tok’d for sure

@RG-tm7uq

4 жыл бұрын

Brandon Dancer Look out guys, Bit-Killer Jones has returned

@nathanestrada5967

4 жыл бұрын

And a whole 3 seconds after the intro before making a racist comment!

Bert: *Talking for literally 5 minutes straight* "Can i tell a story for a second?" Tom: "Yeah sure!"

Are we just not going to acknowledge how awkward it was when Nadav interrupted a whole conversation to beg Tom to elbow him in the face.

@KaiKaiBrown.

Жыл бұрын

weird asf

@shariqsonindahouse9663

Жыл бұрын

Yh i was like... its weird for tom and bert to be weirded out like that hahahha

@maximilianraley2457

Жыл бұрын

Man I missed that, what's the time stamp?

@liltoasty5215

Жыл бұрын

@@maximilianraley2457 59:52

@maximilianraley2457

Жыл бұрын

@@liltoasty5215 Thank you!

I think it’s incredibly sweet that Tom let’s his handicapped friend read the sponsors for him. So thoughtful and inclusive for the disabled community.

@after1001

4 жыл бұрын

Bert is Tom's wack pack member. He's ALMOST as funny as try it out guy.

@j.b.7133

4 жыл бұрын

It’s incredibly sweet that his fans let him perform handicapped "standup" too.

@codyleviwaffle

4 жыл бұрын

That ship station ad was a doozy

@Jeebus86

4 жыл бұрын

You know, disabled is considered derogatory. Curb your ablism

@MalachiTheBear7

4 жыл бұрын

And they say Tom can't say retarded after all his help of this tic toc...

Bernt Krischner: and the train WALKED RIGHT BY HER!

@robertmace4501

4 жыл бұрын

Heard this too

@fuzzmaster77

4 жыл бұрын

Uhhhhhhhhhhh hundred percent!

@squeezeslemons

4 жыл бұрын

“That’s great honey”

@Whystling_Byrd

Жыл бұрын

This bothered me too.

Bert: “By the way I’m being very vague about this “.... **Describes EVERY detail ** 😂😂😂

Did anyone else find it super weird that nadav literally interrupted the podcast to make a genuine offer to let Tom elbow him in the face for no reason?

@rokeflame5288

2 жыл бұрын

Was really strange

@BigKevinSports

2 жыл бұрын

@@rokeflame5288 Search Your Moms house Podcast. And Either add to it “Nadav vs Tom fight” Tom Segura snaps at Nadav “Tom Segura poem to Nadav” “The Into Wars” was 100% definitely a part of it. I don’t want to spoil anything because I keep my jeans high and tight. Keep Feathering it brother!

Bert talking about himself endlessly while Tom zones out

@Hieillua

4 жыл бұрын

It's the Bart Kreisther show ft. Tom Segura

@notpaulrudd6376

4 жыл бұрын

He’s a selfish lying alcoholic. Typical. Addict. Good thing he’s such a buffoon. Anyone with an IQ over 80 can figure out Bert is a compulsive liAr. Poor Bart.

@ScorpionP2C

4 жыл бұрын

@@notpaulrudd6376 so why are you here, and commenting?

@jamesl3426

4 жыл бұрын

NotPaulRudd We got the comment psychologist here 🙄

@McFudge93

4 жыл бұрын

@@ScorpionP2C because some of us like Tom Segura. I only watch bill and Bert for bill. Every episode turns into Bert's fantasy hour of narcissist bullshit.

3:03 for intro, 3:38 for episode. 40:54 for first ad. 1:06 :40 for second.

@lockedboat4782

4 жыл бұрын

It’s been out for 11 minutes how

@Kris_Toffer

4 жыл бұрын

@@lockedboat4782 Through the magic of racism courtesy of Berty bert.

@CarlosRuizisthebest

4 жыл бұрын

King

@dylbowaggins4160

4 жыл бұрын

Thanks

@BenjaminSteel

4 жыл бұрын

This is what I’m talking about 👏

This podcast has turned into burnt trying to call celebrities and them not answering the phone lmao

@OutlierConcepts

3 жыл бұрын

Words gotten out that being on the podcast is the kiss of death

I'm so happy to see Patrice still at the top of the ranks of best comedians years after his passing.

@ThePaulOLoughlin

4 жыл бұрын

6 5th floor is 7th March and they are going to stay for the weekend 5 6ty6r6d6d dt and R 75 chi

This podcast has started out as two friends hanging out and it has slowly devolved into one of the friend’s watching the other dig holes he can’t fill fast enough.

@TylerSimco

4 жыл бұрын

The first episode Tom fed Bert an entire plate of donuts and three beers. It's always been that 😂

@drewlovely2668

4 жыл бұрын

@@TylerSimco you can't forget about the hot server. The one that is now Bert's spin instructor.

@CutterDriftwood

4 жыл бұрын

To be honest, Bert could stand to dig a few holes & refill themI!!

I think we may need to start a GoFundMe now for Nadav’s inevitable and necessary therapy

@Applez357

4 жыл бұрын

To address his CONSTANT need to please Tom 🤔

@soccerfreek07

4 жыл бұрын

More like for his jaw after Tom’s elbow...

@andrewscott8240

4 жыл бұрын

I bet Tom would fund his assisted suicide

@Doorito_

4 жыл бұрын

That was one of the weirdest things i've witnessed

@MM-vn6rs

4 жыл бұрын

I don’t get that whole thing is it like some ongoing gag?

New favorite podcast duo . I love how Tom sits back and watches Bert slit his own wrists but finds a positive message somewhere in his story

At 28:39 Bert literally stops in the middle of a conversation to smell his fingers. If that's not already part of the drinking game, it needs to be.

@Random-bi4nl

Жыл бұрын

lol

every intro Bert: Do you need a website? Are you as dumb as my wife? Well have we got the product for you

@laurav19

4 жыл бұрын

It increased tenfold probably

i love the way Tom bullshit agrees with Bert just to see how deep of a hole he can dig himself into.

@MrJayehawk

4 жыл бұрын

Tommy's a provocateur

I love when Tom impersonates Leeann with a heavy southern accent😂🤣

@malkinmalone

4 жыл бұрын

Tom would nail Leanne in a second I think. Just so he could tell bert about it and laugh maniacally.

“You’re acting like you know me, homie” needs to get put on a shirt!

Apparently reading wasn’t a requirement during Bart’s 6 years in college

@gonufc

4 жыл бұрын

@@bobvance9519 Maybe it was just Colours. He tells them what colour they're pointing at and he gets a degree.

@VideoNozoki

4 жыл бұрын

18-25, 7... he went to college for 7 years. (*ノ_

@BoolyK

4 жыл бұрын

I am in love with this comment

@dalelane1948

4 жыл бұрын

Nude Millennial Cyanide Crust kudos, best comment I’ve read all week

@EvanSaltare

4 жыл бұрын

He went to Florida State. It's practically a state sponsored keg stand that lasts for 4 years.

Next week Nadav will have "property of Mr. Tom" tattooed on his chest while Bert rains elbows and Mystic Rick delivers the Turkey Slicer

I feel like the life line of this show is the distant laughter

This episode: Bert talks about himself while playing with his phone.

@Agent_KD6-3.7

4 жыл бұрын

Same as all the other episodes.

@jasonsteakums6067

4 жыл бұрын

“I wonder if Eddie Murphy ever thinks about me💁🏻‍♂️😍”

@cmb9059

4 жыл бұрын

Did he yell at tom for messing with his phone while bert talks Bout himself tho?

Its so Florida of Bert to want a moat built around his house

@LAMENTFORLOSTLOVE

4 жыл бұрын

Florida need's to burn to the ground

@bdawggification

4 жыл бұрын

So a moat in England is classy but it somehow loses it class when it’s in Florida surrounding a two story double wide?

@josephfrankland4850

4 жыл бұрын

More of a Quahog thing

@trespasscomplex

4 жыл бұрын

@@bdawggification It's not classy in England, and in England we're lucky to have walls and a roof

@bdawggification

4 жыл бұрын

Jack Murphy Were not speaking of the peasant class, now we know they don’t get moats. If you think the moat surrounding Fulham palace doesn’t ooze class, you ain’t black, as Joe Biden may put it.

Clicked right off JRE Kevin Hart once I saw this. Gotta go with the bears first.

@xbiggermx

4 жыл бұрын

same

@goldencheese7247

4 жыл бұрын

Same

@MlRAAK

4 жыл бұрын

Both of Kevin's episodes were just self promotion and jerking off. They're not really worth watching.

Bert: "This is the best fitness tracker I've ever used" Also Bert: "This is the only fitness tracker I've ever used"

2 bears number one wishes Tom: free top tier supercar Burt: full bottle of Tito's and unfiltered racism making a comeback.

I wish we had a show of Patrice feeding Bert lines over a ear piece to pick up ladies

My 3 day old son, just got his 2nd hearth surgery. Thank you for doing what you are doing, it makes my day a loot brighter and normal

@hunterkaimi

4 жыл бұрын

Hopes he’s recovering well. Keep feathering it brother

@torianj37

4 жыл бұрын

Blessings bro

@88makaveli00

4 жыл бұрын

It's tough time brother, I'll have you and your family in my prayers!

@ArvisPavilons

4 жыл бұрын

@@hunterkaimi Thank You! You can't imagine how much these words mean, even though i dont know you! I will keep feathering and i hope my little Jacob will feather one day too! Next week he has one more operation, just for a second, if you can, send good thoughts to my son Jacob in Latvia. I dont believe in god or higher power, but since Jacob i have no other choice but to trust surgeons and hope there is higher power to whom i am begging every hour for Jacobs life

@ArvisPavilons

4 жыл бұрын

@@torianj37 Thank You, it means a lot. It is weird, but it really means a lot. Me and my wife have cried since 23d of april, and we have also cried happy tears after each succesful surgery, and after each nighy he is still alive and fighting his ass of

Bert: this is going to be a GREAT episode! Spends half the pod staring at his phone.

"I can really quickly go into fantasies." like its a super power

Show starts: Tom: First and foremost... Bert: BY THE WAY!!

@Hieillua

4 жыл бұрын

He's on all kinds of drugs

@Whystling_Byrd

Жыл бұрын

He just wanted to avoid his persona becoming more racist.

Bert having little Chinese kids making his flip flops. His dreams come true.

this week on Tom and Bert Play with Their Phones: Bert reads a list and says yes or no

When Neil answered and said hey buddy...is this about black stuff? I thought it was toms dad

I hope Tom's sons grow up to be tag team champions.

@daniel9610able

4 жыл бұрын

Like Earl Thomas?

*Bert takes up dip, red bull, racism, drinking again* "I love it when you get a new habit" -Tom

@madecl21

4 жыл бұрын

Racism isn't new for Bert

@laurav19

4 жыл бұрын

I wish I had that kind of support in my life

@VideoNozoki

4 жыл бұрын

Bert reading Whoop commercial: "You wake up. Have you had medication? Have you had caffine??" (drinks Red Bull).. "Nope. and then you see your results in the app."

Bert Kreischer: I cannot have 2 beers and then do anything.

Been having a rough week and driving back and forth between Columbus and Dayton for some family issues so listening to them as I drive has kept me sane

Bert searching through his phone was riveting.

@Hieillua

4 жыл бұрын

The dummy never heard of a search function thats present in every email app/website. He actually scrolled through his mail.

@VideoNozoki

4 жыл бұрын

Searching through phone every episode. Bert "You don't need to cut this out, this is what makes podcasting great..." No, no it is not. Please cut out the telephone searching/scrolling, and the UNanswered calls. It adds nothing but time to the video. - "Ain't nobody got time for that!" Bad podcasting is just people who can't be bothered to edit out the boring shit.

@Whystling_Byrd

Жыл бұрын

@@VideoNozoki That was my favorite part of the pod, my guy.

This podcast would be so much better if Tom Segura was on it

@antifa19

4 жыл бұрын

I dont get it....

@jaredhanover1443

3 жыл бұрын

HAHA

@haydenblice3873

3 жыл бұрын

@@antifa19 bc Bert wont let him talk

Tom talks to Nadav the same way I talk to my dog after he took a shit in the house

Bert hates Blueban so much and its so entertaining

I love Burt so much. It's like a drunk stepdad at a bbq including me in the conversation.

Tom looking a little Bert around the waist

@SkYwAlKeR420blksqd

4 жыл бұрын

“Looking a little bert” 😂😂😂

@croz711

4 жыл бұрын

I commented this last episode, too. Getting chonky

@AlxndrXX

4 жыл бұрын

its because he's getting heavy into weed and mgs eating a lot

@alexdayenian

4 жыл бұрын

WalkingCane his waist does not look like it beats his wife

@nashvillearmwrestling9715

4 жыл бұрын

How does someone's waist look racist?

How have I just now started listening to this podcast ???? Just starting to get into podcasts , so glad I found two bears man! You guys are killing it ! Thank you , don’t stop !

I love how Neal answered the phone the most Neal way. "Hi Buddy" RIP Patreeky

Just now realizing that Bert Kreishna is a real life Peter Griffin.

@danielboone542

4 жыл бұрын

No way, Homer Simpson, he’s balding with a goatee and a gut, he’s conservative but doesn’t really know why, he has two daughters and an annoying/lovable dog, and he was at his best in the 90s. He’s Homer yo.

@JesseJames-zp6dh

4 жыл бұрын

Ummm... that’s not accurate in any way. Peter Griffin is funny, Bert is not. Peter May say dumb and semi racist stuff but he’s a cartoon character and goes in on everyone, Bert is just a racist. The first time I saw him, I’ve always disliked him. He present laughs to make his jokes seem funnier than they are and he’s basically a closet racist. He is not funny and is as fake as titties in LA.

@uncrownedoak7777

4 жыл бұрын

@@JesseJames-zp6dh nah

@britishcodfish1472

4 жыл бұрын

JesseJames613 how is he racist. What did he do/say?

@the_Dogpacker

4 жыл бұрын

@@britishcodfish1472 you don't watch this often, do you? 🤣

Let's say we had a friend who partied excessively into their 40s, stuttered profusely, and can't maintain a single uninterrupted thought for more than two seconds. Would you recommend sobriety for our friend?

@jamieissorry99

4 жыл бұрын

only if he was fat and sounded like a walrus on helium laughing

@j.b.7133

4 жыл бұрын

Imagine thinking his stand-up is good too. Oof.

@josef2012

4 жыл бұрын

It worked for Trump.

@terrybird993

4 жыл бұрын

Bert's stand up IS good, don't be an ass. You don't know the guy...

@idab6864

4 жыл бұрын

@@terrybird993 it genuinely is not good. Without podcasting he would have no following.

Tom’s face when Bert changes the subject mid sentence.

Bert and Tom ONE HHUNDRED PERCENT ... is now part of our vernacular... my friend said it we looked at each other and said BEERRRTTTTT ... your reach is global your humour is universal , thanks lads

Something to look forward to every Monday.

@AmandaBurns14

4 жыл бұрын

I forgot it was Monday, till this popped up

@lazarus8447

4 жыл бұрын

Yup, use to look forward to TFATK... But, that crashed and burned when they turned into whiny little cunts.

@tayvis6170

4 жыл бұрын

this and bad friends loo

Please isolate Bert saying : "This is just for white people." It is somewhere around 14th minute. Edit: 13:58 .

@smashin

4 жыл бұрын

When he was talking about the phone switching thing, which was something Bobby Lee did in his podcast.

@YellowRubberDuckie

4 жыл бұрын

Do you even get jokes?

That company man elbow in the face shit was fuckin hilarious

"I CAN NOT have 2 beers and go do ANYTHING" This entire podcast has literally been "Stuff Bert did after having 2 beers"

Can’t wait to have the outro song in my head after this

@ligaleagle

4 жыл бұрын

Outro song is great!

Watching this instead of Rogan interviewing The Rock's son.

@migueltorres9920

4 жыл бұрын

Literally the only option was this or joe and the rocks dick interview

@a_solo_yolo

4 жыл бұрын

😂😂😂

@Mac0SXTutorials101

4 жыл бұрын

miguel torres check out Bad Friends if haven’t already.

I have been playing the drinking game for the last 10 episodes and I think I'm starting to develop brain damage, thanks bert!

Watching Bert on his phone is such a breath of fresh air.

Bart "Hey watch me scroll thru my phone for 20 minutes" Chrysler

@JCrownMusic

4 жыл бұрын

Apparently it's what makes podcasts great 😂

@VideoNozoki

4 жыл бұрын

@@JCrownMusic Like most things Bert says, he is wrong.

Listening while grilling and decided to eat less cause I don’t want to end up like Bert.

@RyanJames-iv3qu

4 жыл бұрын

No one does.

@austingorsuch459

4 жыл бұрын

Eating less doesn't help people not be racist

@dylbowaggins4160

4 жыл бұрын

Are you grilling Tito's?

4 жыл бұрын

Bert is fat I get it 😂

Neil Brennan type of dude to call you and say, "There's my guy" when you pick up.

@christopherwhite2923

4 жыл бұрын

one of the best things ever to happen on this show

I never thought I'd enjoy a podcast so thoroughly. I love Tom's psychosis and Bert's racism.

"Is this about Black stuff?" You already know it is, Neal

@matguerra333

4 жыл бұрын

Neil Brennan type of dude to call you and say, "There's my guy" when you pick up.

Bert is smooth brained. He needs a care taker.

@rootintootin5167

4 жыл бұрын

Hes got a Koala brain

rewatching this and still dying over the fact that Nadav entirely interrupted the conversation just to offer up his face to be elbowed by tom

That would be a great documentary series. Call it “the goats” or something like that, and each episode is about each athlete who are/were total beasts!

Hearing Bert throw something into the universe that's a complete guess, like Colorado followed by "Isn't that crazy?" like it's going to be right, is fully brought home when he discovers he's wrong. Reminds me of when a dog farts and wonders what just happened to its butt, and then forgets it happened 5 seconds later.

I hope Tom gets paid more than Bert for his Ad reads

Tom saying "Just let me see your phone" seems a lot like what I think it was like for Bert to have Ellis say "Hey fat sticks, want a glass of water?"

"And then I spit in my own car" bro I fucking lost it

The sycophant laughing in the background sounds like he's starving for food and is laughing at gunpoint

@luisocadiz5990

4 жыл бұрын

Hes a company man, sooooo

@shpongle7322

4 жыл бұрын

There’s absolutely no way he finds everything so funny where he laughs at loud. That’s just impossible.

@rodrigohernandez225

4 жыл бұрын

Shpongle for real tho!! the laughter is obviously forced and kinda annoying and it’s been pretty notable in the past few episodes and it was ramped up for this one

@Stiffmiester979

4 жыл бұрын

Who needs a laugh track when you can force it out of someone?

@AlanMane

4 жыл бұрын

Shpongle lol nah, some people are very happy and are annoyingly quick to laugh

Every YMH show reminds me of how good Tim Dillon is at ad-reads.

@John-xz9ur

4 жыл бұрын

Life in the big city.

@karljonson3287

4 жыл бұрын

In a stunning estate.

@phillprivers3274

4 жыл бұрын

It’s a knife fight out there

God this podcast is fucking glorious...best start to any week listening to Bert's senseless ramblings

10 minutes of Bert staring at his phone. Good podcast guys.

Bert spending 5 minutes in silence looking up something on his phone makes great podcasting

@VideoNozoki

4 жыл бұрын

"Best part"... can't even imagine why anyone would seamlessly edit that out.... or when Bert calls someone and they don't answer the phone.... = "best part of podcasting"

When Bert talks, the "allegedly" is implied.

Tom talking about his interaction at the gas station is literally my everyday lol

Wow Bert set a new record this ep for the most n bombs in an hour

Bert is nice. He told I’m an okay black guy after his show.

Neal Brennan!!! I will watch this religiously if you bring on Neal on the reg.

I thank the YMH squad for all the laughs. And all the craziest shit from all corners of the earth for us all to feel better about ourselves. Great team of people. Great conversations

"This is just for white people" 13:58 -Burnt Chrysler 2020

I love the guy laughing in the back it cracks me up every time lol

Berts “thing” is having his nice cosy house/place he feels comfy in. Like his pool and such.

"My one goal in life is to go through life without my daughters seeing me get beat up in my front yard" - You'd never guess that Bert was raised in Florida...

This podcast should be called “ two bears play with their phones”....

when bert pulled his hair back he weirdly looked like "no neck ned" 🤣🤣🤣

"I can not have 2 beers and do anything." -guy who drinks a bottle of wine on the treadmill

I feel like they had a ton of stuff to talk about but then they got distracted.

The thing I love most about Bert is that it is impossible to hear/see him laugh and not start laughing, no matter what he's saying. If I'm feeling down, I just watch the 2Bears podcast or one of his standup specials or him on, "This Is Not Happening", and, bam, instant joy.

@karljonson3287

4 жыл бұрын

Same

That Bert plate in your head subject would make the best soundbyte hahahaja

I can see where Tom’s rage comes from, Bert just tries to take over every talking point

Did that say “Free Whites” on the bottom of the racists guy’s flip flop?

Listeners must go through a completely different experience without Tom's facial expressions

@smashin

4 жыл бұрын

The only reason I really watch it since Bert talks most of the time. Tom's expressions make the show.

@jayrose22

4 жыл бұрын

I listen first, then come back and watch. See if the moments I think line up with Tom making a face.