When she said, "I don't want to help. I want to take a nap." I felt that. 😂

@elisabethv23

4 жыл бұрын

hahaha SAME

@leahmay7186

3 жыл бұрын

i laughed so hard when i herd that hahaha.

@liamm.268

2 жыл бұрын

As a SO 9w8?, I try to make time for both

@pigpink1971

Жыл бұрын

For sure.

@BonBonHassan

Жыл бұрын

Yup napping is like my catchphrase

I’m a type 9 and the way for me to explain what it’s like being a 9 is this. Imagine your life is a play. In this play, you are the understudy, watching all of these characters acting while you are in the background just trying to learn your lines. When you finally wake up as a 9, you stop being the understudy and you take on the lead role. I wanted to comment and thank you for your videos, they’ve helped me to shed the understudy role in my life and become the lead character and it is a very freeing feeling.

@Rich-wi7dn

2 жыл бұрын

I’m hoping to get to that point. Be well!

@angelagoodwin5758

Жыл бұрын

This was expressed beautifully and accurately.🌟

Thank you for letting her speak without rushing her or interjecting

@twlahue

4 жыл бұрын

That is the right way to treat the 9

@AK-fd4ev

2 жыл бұрын

Yes! I like what he said, "the way to treat a 9." My partner is a self-aware 8 and is always inviting me to take more space than him. He celebrates when I really take up space.

@tyleremery7088

2 жыл бұрын

@@AK-fd4ev That sounds amazing, I'm kinda jealous lol.

I’m a 9 and I hadn’t realized up until watching this video that if somebody asked me if I’m special, I would probably say yes, because my loved ones and many people around me tell me that I’m special, but deep down I’m actually convinced that they’re all sorely mistaken and I’m really the most ordinary person on planet Earth and have somehow inadvertently tricked them into thinking I’m special.

She is blessed to have a father teaching her these insights so early in life. She won't have to endure years of silence due to it. I'm glad for her, and grateful that there are fathers like you out there.

The part about dramatic friends really resonates with me. I have this one friend that seems to always be caught up in conflict and making bad choices. Talking to her and thinking about her problems has drained me to the point that I have started distancing myself from her

“I don’t want what I want to negatively affect other people” so insightful. Loved this video. It helped me settle on being a nine after being pegged as a 2 on many tests. It just didn’t land for me. Also, a coach who studies the enneagram pegged me as a 2. When I asked her why, she said because I have such a bright light. I think your daughter has a very bright light. So yes, us nines can shine when we allow ourselves to.

@GurraGo

Жыл бұрын

Yeah, and when you think about that comment more and you realise how different/lower you treat your own desires/wants compared to what you accept/consider other people to be entitled to. Mindblowing!

Wow! This is the best 9w1 description I have ever seen or heard! I can so relate with her experience!

Around minute 20:00, she really gets at something I’ve been trying to name. It’s not exactly that I ignore problems, it’s that I don’t frame them as a “problems”. If you asked me directly, I wouldn’t say that I’m ignoring, avoiding, or burying problems. It’s that I never registered them as problems. I just sort of said to myself “this isn’t something worth getting worked up about” or “this isn’t worth my mental/emotional energy to care about” or “my attention to this will never change it, so I won’t bother with it.” If it doesn’t get the title “problem”, then I don’t need to worry about it. Thus I conserve my precious reserve of mental/emotional/spiritual energy. In some ways this is helpful. I rarely, if ever, “sweat the small stuff.” I’m approachable and comforting because I appear very chill. But it absolutely becomes a problem when I repeatedly “mis-categorize” issues. I so often miss problems when they’re small enough to handle that I’m completely caught off guard and blown over when the problem either comes out sideways later or surfaces later as an avalanche or volcano or something overwhelming like that. Basically I’m terrible at the art and science of triage. Also NAPS! I never realized my lifelong napping habit was part of a personality system. 😴😆

@twlahue

4 жыл бұрын

Thanks for sharing this... I really appreciate it!

@jessicaseigel6113

4 жыл бұрын

We hate rocking the boat as a 9 and thankfully my rising sign is a Leo so my ability to speak up for myself and whats right/wrong also identifies me as a type 8. Peace is the endgoal but I also have a backbone to achieve that.

@MParentWetmore

4 жыл бұрын

@ Erin Geoffrion Yes, you understand completely! I've never been able to describe the feeling. But you just gave me the right words. To me I'm not "ignoring the problem" Instead it's "just not worth my time or energy" or the issue is never going to change so "just accept it" I feel like I'm being realistic, calm and conserving my energy. Unfortunately, by not identifying it's a problem when it's small, I don't see it until it's huge, then it's so difficult to deal with.

Your daughter is very well-spoken!! I relate to everything she said!!

“Parents like me” noww I know why I get along with my friends parents more than my actual friends. 😂😂😂🙂

I’m loving this. Your daughter is a doll 😊

it's amazing that she actually read my mind everything she said, it's true. I feel what she felt on the road trip, the mind zone where everything I wish exists in it. and to be honest, I always thinking about how to fix other people stuff

@twlahue

4 жыл бұрын

So cool!

I love the video! I also happen to be a 9 and you two are so knowledgeable and easy to relate to. I am a huge Harry Potter fan and never looked at his life from a nine type perspective. It's like a light bulb turned on when that topic was brought up! Keep up the great work and I'm happy to be a subscriber to this wonderful channel!

@twlahue

4 жыл бұрын

Thanks so much for the encouragement.

Love the comment about being stubborn in mindset but not in action. Highly accurate.

I relate to the "Everyone else is ready to go" situation so much

Thank you for this video! 13:48 : Haha, my favorite place in the world is airports departure rooms. And my favorite part of the travel is also transportation, especially when there is no one I need to make conversation to. Carpooling for instance is not always what I prefer. Airplanes and trains are way better in that regard. I really enjoy letting my mind wander while looking through the window at the unfolding landscape. 12:55 : One of my favorite English idiom is "going through the motions". I think acting like a robot is really something I do. So much that if someone misplaces a piece of furniture in my day-to-day environment (even 5 cm), you can be sure the furniture will hit me. This reflection about boredom is interesting: I was quite sure I hated boring things. I once talked about it with a friend of mine who told me I had much more tolerance to boredom than him. This surprised me. I have worked for really short periods of times (twice a month or so) as a waiter, and each time doing the job became difficult once I knew how to do it, because I became bored. But this kind of job is really peculiar because, as the job title indicates, all you have to do is "wait". But you need to stay vigilant ; you can't let your mind wander and stare at the void. I was able to do that in school and still be able to answer correctly the trick-question of my math teacher (which annoyed her sooo much), but some low-qualification jobs are really way more difficult for me.

OMG enjoying the drive, yess!!! I thought I was the only one lol I love car drives, but mainly bus drives, it's so relaxing, one of the best parts of the trip

Tom and Cayley, thanks for sharing this insightful interview. Tom, you have said 9s hate being pressured. For me the worst part about being pressured is being “Rushed”. I could relate very well to Cayley’s statement that, ‘ if she has a decision to make, she likes to go to a quiet space and take her time to think it all out. “ Keep up the good work. Cheers!

@twlahue

5 күн бұрын

Thanks a ton for your awesome comment! Totally get what you mean about needing that chill space to think. Keep it cool and take your time with those decisions!

This is so great! I wish my parents understood me this well when I was her age. I wish I had understood myself this well. This past year I've been working on giving myself permission to "get in the way" in life and it feels scary and difficult for me to that but it's working and I feel bolder and more able to participate. People do see me! I do matter!

Thank you guys!!! Beautiful to see so nice comunication betwean father and a dauther! God bless you!

As a 9, I need at least 3 days to figure out how I feel about things. Another way of seeing it: I never know how I feel about something until it's too late, LOL.

@pigpink1971

Жыл бұрын

It takes quite a while for me to feel angry (when I very well should). It can be to my advantage because I won’t say something in that moment.

As a 9, I’m extremely uncomfortable making people wait. I would rush through skiing or jogging if I’m with a friend and I think I’m holding them back even if I know I would’ve preferred taking my time.

I don't know that I have an "empty box" per say but rather I'm going to bring something with me to help me check out for the two hours I'm waiting at the dmv.

Thank you. I’m a nine and this really helped me during a time of stress I’m in right now

I love to see the relationship that you have together. And thats because of understanding. Thank you for sharing this message. It was like looking to myself but than in a suit of a female:p

@twlahue

4 жыл бұрын

Thanks for the comment. Blessings.

This is definitely right on target and having grown up with a narcisstic mother

I believe as a type 9 you need to embrace conflict and learn that only through accepting that conflict and working through it can we find some sort of real peace. Like you were talking about being on a “safety island” don’t be afraid to add new things to that island that cause us pain and hurt. Because it’s those things that you make you stronger and a better person.

Your daughter is awesome! I am a 9 too, and so agree on her advice! People would be better off being less selfish.

I found this incredibly profound and insightful and It really taught me a lot (about someone I love deeply and what I haven't understood). Thank you for sharing this with us, Kaylee. I think you're great!

This was super helpful as a newly discovered 9. I also mistyped as a 2 for a really long time so I really appreciate seeing someone else talk about that perspective. For a long time I was also proud of being a 2 -- yes everyone loves me because I help them, I love making people happy and helping them discover their true selves. But it was all done in the service of people being happy and harmonious around me. The question of "do you feel special" is super impactful because again, I love helping people become the best versions of themselves but that's also because I believe everyone, but me, is special and can do amazing things lol! It's really easy for me to bland in with others and I am pretty sure my parents are 9s and 2s but my 9 father has picked up a lot of 2’s traits. I have picked up the likeability of a 2 I.E: I can get almost anyone to like me and I truly love talking to people and hearing their story but also picked up the 9 trait of putting away my own feelings and not caring to be able to go along. Her story about not picking up something at the store hit way too close to home, couldn't help but to just sit and laugh because while I don't mind debating, I'm actually quite good at it, if it turns into true conflict I try to get out as soon as possible or I'm the first one attempting to mediate the situation. I'll be working through all the 9 content now. Thank you both so much!

@twlahue

4 ай бұрын

Glad to help

Thank you so much for sharing this with us! Very helpful and I can 100% relate to all of it!

Thank you so much for this! Aah, my heart is happy and seen. Such a lovely relationship it seems!

I would say I know am special the question though is do I matter to others. Am I needed, do they need to hear what I have to say. Also I think 9s can teach the world humility.

The major relationship issue I have as a 9 is being told that I "ignore" problems, and it has affected me deeply because the connotation is that I "don't care" which is absolutely not true. It's quite distressing. I'm also with someone who (I think) sees issues everywhere and makes mountains out of molehills; and then I've got to ask myself, should I be concerned about these things too? Maybe there's something wrong with me that I just don't see these issues as worthy of concern and maybe my "problem detector" meter is set too high.

Thank you! I think I am a nine also. Tests and descriptions don’t seems to fit me well but conversational explain actions of what a nine does and why makes so much sense to me. It’s creepy how understood I feel right now. I had become reconciled even proud of how hard-to-understand I am. And even let people think they understand me to end the conversation and make them feel better. Now I’m like; oh wow!!!! And I’ve clearly done some work on some flaws already but now I have this I can target flaws and be intentional about my growth. Thank you so much!

As a 4w5, long drives mean time for podcasts!

I relate to this a lot. Thanks for introducing us to Kaylee's channel.

Your daughter is ADORABLE

Your daughters all seem so lovely! It is super interesting to hear the differences between them. I also watched the video with Grace and I think seeing both of them helped me confirm that I was an 8w9. That lust based 8 and 9 sloth is an interesting combination and I felt like I had things in common with both of them. Anyway, I appreciate this a lot!!

Yes now I know I’m a 9. Thank you.

@twlahue

4 жыл бұрын

Awesome.

I also identified as n 2! And I just realised that my helping part is not about actually helping but forming connection and also avoiding conflict

@MParentWetmore

4 жыл бұрын

Exactly!

Wow. The only thing that I don’t relate to your daughter ***exactly on is that she has boundaries when drama people repeatedly come to her. I now am growing those boundaries in my 20s. But even the part about getting up the next day and realizing “wait, I don’t want to do that thing! Why did I agree to that?” I was face palming for how many times I’ve done that. 😅

@MsHazelie

2 жыл бұрын

I'm just now learning this at 47! You are doing great! This girl was helped by having self-aware, emotionally intelligent parents. Most aren't so lucky.

Wow, again…thank you so much for sharing this! This helps me understand the very special enneagram 9 in my life. Your family rocks!

Powerful! It hits different hearing it from a 9

It's interesting because I love psychology and the idea of helping people for work but I don't like people bothering me with their problems outside of that. I think it's because with psychology people will come to me because they want help, and I won't be forcing it on them.

sooo me!! I just enjoy the drive. As soon as my husband says no to something I wanna do I don’t even bother asking again although I get upset

Somethings I definitely see 9 in me, which is good because I am a 6 but 6s go to 9 at their best when 6s have gone through self growth.

I am also a 8 wing 1. I like your vdo. It's fantastic to have a great dad like you who understand psychological differences between people.

I am certain that you are very proud! Strong father/daughter resemblance.

My husband is a 9 and I’m a 7. This was soo helpful!! You a raising an amazing young lady.

I am for sure I’m a nine now after listening to this

Thank you for such a thought provoking vid...

OMG the getting there part is my absolute favorite too 😂😂

I've read a nice thought about nines in Richard Rohr's book "The Enneagram: A Christian Perspective" : "It’s no accident that the NINEs are situated at the vertex of the Enneagram, because in a certain way NINE describes the original and unspoiled human essence. We would probably all be NINEs, if we hadn’t grown up in a technologically “civilized” world." I have a question. How does it look like when a nine integrates to three? Does it lasts for days, months even or it only comes out in rare occasions when a nine is in flow?

@MattoThinks

3 жыл бұрын

I think basically any time a type "goes against" what is natural for them in a positive way, they are taking on certain parts of the type they integrate into. A 9, for example, doesn't just "go to 3" and stay there for a specific amount of time. They are still very much a 9 but they're just shifting from their natural tendencies that hold them back, in a way that is "coloured" like a 3. It's like you're just tapping into the part of you that feels more unnatural and takes more effort, but is actually rewarding. So when a 9 integrates to 3, they are letting go (at least for some time) of some of their 9 tendencies holding them back, and taking on at least some parts of 3-ness. An example might be if you don't feel like bothering to take the trash out when it's been sitting there, full, for a while. Even just putting your feelings aside (3) and just getting up and doing it (3), in as simple a situation as that, would be you tapping into 3. A bigger example would be finally deciding what you want to do with your life, planning some steps towards where you'd like to go. It's the same when a 2, for example, decides to just focus on self-care for a day, instead of focusing on others. That would be them tapping into 4.

@GurraGo

Жыл бұрын

That's a fantastic quote - I will frame that or something like that!

I LOVE drives 🤣 sometimes I just want to get up and drive somewhere just cause

@BonBonHassan

Жыл бұрын

What's funny is I drive fast though, like I can't stand driving or walking behind someone slower than me

I wish I could do more than just give a thumbs up for this. Thanks. This is so validating!

I'm a 9. Dr. Tom is what my dad would have been had he been a healthy 7. So much to appreciate about this vid!

@twlahue

4 жыл бұрын

Thanks.

Wow she is the carbon copy of her dad 😊. As type 9, life is so hard in this chaotic world!!!! FOR SURE 😅

@twlahue

5 ай бұрын

Right?!

I'm a 9 wing 1 and totally related to everything that was discussed. Thank you.

This is so spot on for me, as I am a 9.

Loved this video. I so relate! Thank you for sharing.

We are sometimes called “chameleons”.

Oh my goodness! This hit home so hard. I am 100% a 9. I’m curious what Kayleigh’s love language is? I just had a moment where it makes sense I’m words of affirmation considering I don’t feel “special” or that my “presence doesn’t matter”. Makes soooo much sense

What an incredible contrast to the 8 sister in the family.

literally fall asleep....haha. I can't tell how many times I have done this.

I am sleepy. I want to take a nap. I want to sleep. I am so tired . I am exusted. Are phrases I hear a lot from my INTP 9w1. As an 8w9 INFJ who has her Ni agenda. It is awesome to know the deeper cause of it.

On an island .. Jack Johnson, Banana Pancakes…. That’s it!! 9s are my people!! 💜✌️

My daughter is a Kailey too :) I’m a 9w1

Good information! Thank you for sharing.

12:00 Why do you feel like you/people have to do the "right" thing when they yell at their mom? I really want to understand that difference in my understanding. I usually assume I don't know the whole story and that they know what they're doing, even if it makes me cringe (I'm a 4, and knowing about the 9 seems to help me find more balance).

Great job, love all the great explanation and examples here.

@twlahue

4 жыл бұрын

Glad you found my channel.

Elsa from frozen is also nine I think coz cold doesn't bother her anyway problems do however and that's why she escapes from them in the peace and quiet of her frozen castle. I am pretty sure all she is doing there is taking a long nap.

what do you do when you have no friends anymore, though? I'm tired of being so alone...

Tom: I am a born-again Christian! Do you think this has any effect on our enneagram number?

I’m a 9, but I hate car rides.

Does type 9s (generally speaking) look as happy and "at peace" as you two look in this video? I tested type 9 but I'm not really sure if I'm that "even-keeled" as you two appear to be. I also typed as a 5 too btw....

My spouse definitely a 9!

Congrats on finding ur type so quickly ... Took me 6 years mistyping as a counterphobic 6 XD

She's so sweet

@twlahue

Ай бұрын

Thank you for your kind words!

I’m a 9. Every time I take the test, I score as a 9. I guess I have to face it and learn how to be a better version of who I am!

@twlahue

4 жыл бұрын

Yes. I would love for you to book an appointment: www.tomlahue.com

same journey, I also thought 2 first ....

@twlahue

4 жыл бұрын

Awesome!

I recently did the test and it said I was a 9, a lot of this sounds like me but also not 🤷‍♀️

Any advice for 9w8?

@twlahue

4 жыл бұрын

Set goals. Focus on the big stuff, not the small stuff. Ask yourself, "What do I want out of life?" and then go for it. You are not just a referee, but also a player in the game.

@loref4200

3 жыл бұрын

The issue is analysis paralysis. We see all sides/possibilities, thus making a major decision nearly impossible (going to the paranoia of type 6 in stress, and worrying about a decision that might lead to unhappiness for others or ourselves). The easiest way to make a decision and have peace about it is if it aligns with your core values of advocating for others, making peace by mediating conflicts, and creating harmonious connections. As long as a decision leads to these things, then it will be a good decision for you and others even if the initial stages are a bit rocky or chaotic in getting there. Keep in mind, life is dynamic, and you can always change your mind and make a new choice. You don't have to stay stuck in your choices. Wishing you all the best.

What is Kaylie's Myers Briggs type?

@twlahue

4 жыл бұрын

ENFJ/INFJ

@Dani-jo9yr

4 жыл бұрын

blakeje25 i knew it! ENFJ! Same here! I am not 9 though ,but empath nevertheless 😇💐💜🌺Greetings 🤗💐ps. It’s not just ‘9’ it’s a true ENFJ too 💪💯!!!!

@mkxviii

4 жыл бұрын

Another ENFJ and a Nine here.

@Giancarlo_1997

4 жыл бұрын

I’m type 9 and Myers Brigs I’m an ISFP

@coilybynature

4 жыл бұрын

Giancarlo Orsini me too

What mbti is she? 😊 I wonder if I related and not related because of the ennegram 9 or my mbti compared to hers. Really good video

@nida8329

3 жыл бұрын

She’s INFJ

Thanks

great!

Hey Tom, your daughter Kaylee is beautiful! I am guessing she's the oldest or second oldest? It's very difficult to have a 9 as a older sibling! No disrespect it just is. When your a child and your yearning for guidance or direction. If Mom & dad are busy working, running household, dealing with other siblings? It's is a natural path to look to eldest sibling for guidance, love, info. when parents are to busy or not plugged in? Being that the older is a 9 it's most difficult when you look to them for an answer or opinion and it comes off, to a kid that they to don't really care. There's always a reason for them not to help you. Or if they choose to guide you(like a older sibling should)? It will come at a cost to your self confidence. Or they may mention that your question is stupid etc... Making it very difficult to ask for Anything!! I am not expressing this for no reason. I'm only trying to help your other daughter who is a social 4. This can quiet her voice completely, even if you think it's not possible? Your daughter that is a social 4 has learned to wipe her cheeks, cry dry tears, because aloud she may be telling you she's a "victim?". It's too bad your the adult because your the one that has communication problems? Your 4 has pain she's been taught, told it's not that bad, minimized her feelings to the point accepted your label "being a victim?". She has overcome all the numbing within her family yet still voicing her victimization . Maybe she does it thinking that maybe now they will accept me? Sometimes you have to say nothing. Period. Remember this cuz it is doing opposite. You see your daughter just wants understanding but can't get it because you see "the label" before you see your daughter. She is there dont continue to see whats not there, missing. Don't point out differences. Realize if you see "victim" then get she has the right to be one because of your (families)disability when you communicate with her. You see victim though really it's that she's vulnerable and wants protection that's all. P.S. I mean this in the moist respectful way I grew up in a family of 9's. This may be an extreme sense to you? Though I feel ...I feel idk sorry I'm just been connecting with her spirit, she's so wonderful, I feel her... P.S. I feel she really blossoms in the presence of animals. Ok bye

@twlahue

4 жыл бұрын

Kaylee is our 3rd daughter. She is a precious soul, true! Thanks for your comments. I will try to get her in some more videos.

@MsHazelie

2 жыл бұрын

I am a 9 and a middle child. My older sister, probably a 3, was quite a bully and I was determined to be a better older sister to my younger sister (10 year gap). My little sister and I are very close and she tells me I was a great big sister to her. I was very nurturing and present for her because with a mentally ill Mom, an avoidant Dad, and a sadistic older sister, I knew she needed care, nurturing and attention. We may get along so well because she is also a 9. Perhaps your personality was just not compatible with a 9?

How on earth could any in their right mind down vote this? Weird.

💜

You can fall asleep for 30 years.

Lol it's funny how "9" she really is! Wow! She says what she thinks you want her to say. Typical. If you want to really get an understanding of divine beauty, put your social 4 daughter on video. You might be floored, awakened and the most connected you ever felt, proud to be her father. Handing her the mic and walking away might give her that opportunity to rise above her hurdles that society has placed before her? It could be the platform she needs to move out of "sadness or victimization role?". It's up to you to put on utube/web page? I don't know age of your daughter so I could be way out in left field? (Probably so lol). When you present that to someone, genuinely in a loving way. You can't lose.! IDK why I'm expressing so much here? Being an empath it's hard not to just say what feelings are being shown? Please excuse my comments if they offended you & your family in any way.!!? God Bless!

@twlahue

4 жыл бұрын

Thanks for the suggestion. It might just happen, soon.