Podcast: Mel's story • DNA Family Secrets: Wh...
Mel's life was blown a part at the age of 17 when she found out her dad wasn’t her biological father. After years of unanswered questions Mel finally uncovered the truth with the help of DNA Family Secrets.
And Mel joins me now alongside Professor Turi King, from DNA Family Secrets. So, Mel take me back to when you were 17, because that’s when you found out wasn’t it? So, what happened?
My mum just thought I had the right to know.
So what did she say to you?
She basically said, your dad’s not your dad, we went to a sperm bank, and I was just absolutely gobsmacked.
What did you do on knowing that information?
There was not a lot I could do, because we didn’t have any information, the clinic wasn’t there, the guy had died. So, I just sort of put it to bed and just always wondered.
So then how did it come about that you ended up doing the TV show?
So my brother decided to buy me and my mum a DNA kit for Christmas, 2 years ago, I don’t know why, I think they were on 3 for 2 or something, and he needed a last minute present, because it was so random, because he had no interest, because the clinic said we were from the same donor. Anyway, surprise surprise we weren’t.
So, you found out from doing this DNA test that you weren’t the same… even though your mum thought that they were the same.
Yeah, the clinic promised that we would be from the same donor and just lied. So, yeah, we were absolutely gobsmacked again. And then I watched the first series and there was a girl on there, she was from a sperm bank and there was a donor conceived register that you could go on. So, went on, registered and then I got an email from DNA Family Secrets, from Minnow saying, would you like to be on the show?
So Turi when someone like Mel gets in touch with the show, what happens next?
The first thing we do is we get them to take a DNA test and we do that with a couple of companies. And then what we can do is download their raw data and upload it to a number of other databases. And what we’re looking for is DNA matches. So, people who share chunks of DNA with you and we were really lucky with Mel because we had, her cousin was on one database and her dad’s cousin was on the other database. And from that we could, kind of go, okay well let’s triangulate these, she must be descended from where these two families meet. And that gave us 3 brothers, to kind of look at, one we could tell couldn’t be her dad, 2 could be, 1 we found out he hadn’t donated sperm and then that led us to Gerald. Her biological father.
Gosh, so what was it like for you Mel, finding out that information, and for mum as well?
Amazing, I mean it’s been a total emotional roller coaster, from start to finish. And I’m not a crier, and every time they came to film, I was like…. Weeeh! Because it was just… yeah, I’d just, sort of, put it to bed and then it just opened up this box of emotions, but perfect.
So, then what happens when you find out this information, what did you do with it?
Well then it turns out that I have a half-brother, and he could fill in the blanks. So sadly, Gerald had died, so I didn’t get to meet Gerald, but I do get to meet his son, my half-brother. That was just incredible, yeah so emotional and there was just an instant connection.
Can I ask you Turi as well, because there might be other people watching who might have been told something similar to Mel, when they were young. What can you do about it?
So, Donor Conceived Register, definitely first port of call, because they’ve been set up to do exactly this sort of thing. To help people find half-siblings and to find their donor fathers. The other thing you can do, and this is really increasingly happening, is you can go and get these DNA tests done, and you can look for matches that don’t seem to be from your mum’s side, in the case of a sperm donor.
And that is the thing with sperm donation now, is it’s becoming harder and harder for sperm donors to remain anonymous. And it’s quite an interesting thing because I get contacted by people who say, I gave sperm many years ago, I didn’t tell my family and now I’ve been found. So, this idea of anonymity now, with these direct-to-consumer testing companies, it is, kind of, going out the window.
I was going to ask about that, if you were someone who doesn’t want to be found, can you stop it?
Not really, because it doesn’t even have to be you on the databases. One of your relatives could be on the database and you’ll get the genetic match that links back to you. So, it is becoming increasingly difficult, and the Human Fertility and Embryology Authority are now talking about making it that, anonymity will no longer be the case.
So, if you’re conceived post 2005, the donor knows that when the child reaches 18, so next year, you can find out about who your donor parent was. They’re now talking about making it that the child doesn’t have to be 18, it can be lifted right from day one.