A lot of us are child victims for this very reason. That we were unsupervised around other children.

@2okaycola

5 ай бұрын

Lord of the flies instead of baking pies w granny, for shame

@karlacordova7591

5 ай бұрын

I was 11 and stepbro 20, grandma taking care of us and mother out having fun drinking. Years later I told her son touched me in my sleep (I was awake) and the mf denied it and blames a cousin that never stay at home. This World is sick.

@rebeccaoprea9917

5 ай бұрын

@@karlacordova7591 we all have our own stories. 😥

@rebeccaspratling2865

4 ай бұрын

​@@karlacordova7591I'm so sorry you weren't protected from that monster. 😞🫂💛

@kellyo.1617

3 ай бұрын

My first sexual trauma was from another student. I was 5-6.

That 11 year old boy is also being set up for failure. He's on the edge of puberty and being thrown into a situation that calls for mature decision making and self control. If something happens, he also has to live with the consequences, emotionally.

@user-pc9px7yz9j

10 күн бұрын

I had step brothers at this age. Never had anything happen.

And if she doesn't stand up for her daughter, her daughter may blame her for whatever happens to her.

@sarahalderman3126

5 ай бұрын

I mean she has been standing up for her daughter. The only one who is not, in this scenario, is her biological father.

@TheAustrianPainter87

5 ай бұрын

Brazzers has entered the chat

@darrylg3861

4 ай бұрын

As she should!

If the father can't see a problem, he doesn't need to have his visits.

@angryox3102

5 ай бұрын

Yeah that’s what’s bizarre. Being a difficult co parent is one thing, but this just doesn’t make any sense.

@Ayeteeemm

Ай бұрын

FACTS

I would take him to court. Some states have laws against non related opposite sex kids sharing a room. She may need a new attorney. And call CPS

@joywebster2678

5 ай бұрын

Exactly, I was sexually molested by a 3 yr older than me cousin. When I finally told my mother and his mother because I couldn't handle it or avoid it, it became " you tempted him". From then on both mothers protected him. No accountability that these mothers made us share camping tents by age groups vs genders...etc.

Dont tell ex what ur going to do ..surprise him, he hasnt listened to your concern

@katha3704

4 ай бұрын

I understand the idea, but the point is to get her in another room. And if the threat does the job, then the threat does the job and the kids no further have to be bothered.

@BlackStump172

Ай бұрын

@@katha3704Nope . Straight to the lawyers , but make sure that she has photographic proof , or take the daughter to a counsellor to get the facts .

PLEASE STAND UP FOR YOUR DAUGTHER. I was around 7 years old when I was SA. My mom did not stand up for me. I have struggle with addiction. I have been sober since Nov of 2021. It was a rough road. I needed my mom and protection. Please do something.

@MN-br5nb

5 ай бұрын

I am so sorry you went through that young lady, praying for you to have a blessed life and hope you can put it in the rear view mirror and enjoy life. It was not fair to you.

@jamyengland8895

5 ай бұрын

@@MN-br5nb thank you and I’m working through it. I have in a healthy marriage with three adults children and one minor child. I’m blessed.

@MN-br5nb

5 ай бұрын

@@jamyengland8895 ♥️♥️🙏

@aelh123

5 ай бұрын

I feel you, I see you girl ❤️‍🩹. You got this !

@annescholten9313

Ай бұрын

So proud of your sobriety!!!❤

This is definitely a no in a my book. It's highly inappropriate. I would have I said the same if genders were reversed. Even blood related siblings after a certain age, they should have their own rooms if genders differ.

@katha3704

4 ай бұрын

Especially if the gender isn't the same, but at a certain age also if they're same sex. I don't need to have a kid in therapy because her older sister had decided to try touching herself and the six year old woke up.

@shannoncraig2147

3 ай бұрын

I think children of the opposite sex should have their own rooms, period! My ex & his sister shared a room, a lot longer than they should have & she would act very inappropriately with him, when we would all go out dancing together. It was almost like she was trying to make me jealous of her. Definitely their mother’s fault for letting them share a bedroom so long! Dad was not in the picture.

@BlackStump172

Ай бұрын

Personal privacy after puberty !

The mother of the step brother shouldn't Want to put her son in that positive either

@janwells2199

5 ай бұрын

I was thinking that too, Cap. What mom wants to facilitate her son becoming a molester??

@sarahalderman3126

5 ай бұрын

@@janwells2199probably the father...

@sookibeulah9331

5 ай бұрын

She probably thinks her son is too much of an angel to ever do such a thing and that the awful ex wife is “making trouble again”

@2okaycola

5 ай бұрын

@@sookibeulah9331yep. It’s hard being a woman

@firefly9838

5 ай бұрын

@@janwells2199 if thats all it take to molest people that kid needs put in a prison.... normal kid don't just automatically do that what is wrong with you

11 for a male is pretty close to entering his stage of puberty ... get that young girl out immediately!

@AmericanWithTheTruth

5 ай бұрын

And I would never rely on averages for puberty either. I started puberty as a male at age 9, which is very rare, but I was in full-blown puberty by fifth grade.

@Nitroscion

5 ай бұрын

⁠ Americanwiththeyruth is right. Everyone is different. I didn’t go through puberty until I was in 7th grade. 6th grade was hard to relate to guys and be friends with girls because if I was friends with a girl, they told me I liked them more then friends. I digress, the siblings need to have their own space. They will eventually do something if they don’t.

@firefly9838

5 ай бұрын

He is just going to turn into a monster any minute now🙄

@LucysMom1

5 ай бұрын

Omg fight like hell. Your ex is setting up the destruction of the lives of two kids. Follow your gut, you were right to call about it.

@AmericanWithTheTruth

4 ай бұрын

@@firefly9838 not going to be funny when someone ends up pregnant.

Honestly, the fact that the dad finds nothing wrong with this/given his seemingly abusive history with mom, this would make me highly question his interaction with his daughters.

@sarahalderman3126

5 ай бұрын

As a woman who experienced pedophilic incest as a child, I strongly agree. This father is clearly seeing his daughter in a corrupt manner. As a man he is more than aware of the strong physical desire present in the male mind, and he still does not believe his daughter should be protected. I would not doubt there is far more to this than stated here.

@jasonleatherwood2172

5 ай бұрын

My god not every man is interested in sex with kids but i agree dude does need to get the daughter her own room but that wont solve crap if the kid is a rapist he just sneak in at night anyway but at least that is one extra step to make it not happen

@MarinaNic8

5 ай бұрын

@@sarahalderman3126 I did as well. And I totally agree…. I strongly feel there is more to this story than anyone knows about. It’s ignorance from adults (as displayed in the comments) not understanding how common this is. I’d rather assume the worst to protect the child and be proven wrong.

@sarahalderman3126

5 ай бұрын

@@MarinaNic8 I simply could not agree more, and I am so sorry that you've experienced that. It really is far too common and one that is almost universally unacknowledged in our society. It really grates at me that we rather protect everyone's feelings and make everyone feel comfortable than protect those who can not protect themselves. To be fair everything about this call screams to me, quite literally everything. But then my alarms have been ringing off the hook for the last 4 years now due to some revelations in my own life, so I can never be absolutely certain they're entirely valid and proportionate. However in this case it is just obvious, imo.❤️

@peterlee584

5 ай бұрын

​@@jasonleatherwood2172 No. You're right, but the fact that the guy doesn't see anything wrong with the sleeping arrangement does show a degree of child neglect and ignorance, if not abuse. I also think the Father's apparent history of abuse with the mother of the child should be taken into account when dealing with this situation, as it shows his attitude towards sexuality, sexual abuse, and consent

This is an extremely bad situation for BOTH children. The statistics are horrifying. I hope she takes Dr.Delony's advice.

It’s unbelievable to me that people don’t realize the risk of physical abuse and sexual abuse that occurs in every step family situation. Even worse, this man is OK with his daughter being probably sexually abused at some point so that he can spite his ex-wife

@firefly9838

5 ай бұрын

It disturbs me you just think every 11 year old boy will assault other children with no hesitation.... these are little boys not violent felons

@rebeccaspratling2865

4 ай бұрын

​@@firefly9838unfortunately, the statistics show its a problem and why risk it? Do you have a daughter? Sounds like you have a son. Newsflash, little boys get sexually abused by other boys so keep your son safe. Prevention is better than cure.

@audreybringgold6217

4 ай бұрын

​@@firefly9838boys need direction as they come into puberty. It's a very confusing time and when you add easy access to pornography into the mix, it is so easy for boys to me dangerously influenced. This is also about protecting that little boy from getting involved in things he doesn't understand.

@silentdarkness6260

4 ай бұрын

I agree with fire fly. The kids only 11 years old.

@craigsovilla6578

4 ай бұрын

​​@firefly9838 it's rather disturbing that this even needs to be explained, but the two are opposite genders. They should never share rooms, especially going into puberty. Do you have any sense of privacy? It's a precious commodity and these kids will actually need a little bit of it going into their teenage years.

People, may this be an example of how BIG OF A DEAL the father/mother of your children are. Please choose wisely and be VERY picky. Because you will be tied to this person for the rest of your life wether you like it or not!

@gmarie3053

5 ай бұрын

Sometimes you just don’t know though 🥲

@skr8674

5 ай бұрын

Absolutely!

@todd2324

5 ай бұрын

​@@gmarie3053 True, but in most cases, people don't make these choices carefully and don't care to prepare beforehand (i.e. premarital counseling, making sure you have a network of people around you to help during the marriage, knowing their history, etc).

@AmericanWithTheTruth

5 ай бұрын

@@gmarie3053 true… But then don’t get married before you are mature enough to know. It’s not 100% bulletproof but in this day and age I would recommend fewer if you were young people get married, which is counterintuitive if you think about it.

@exagem

Ай бұрын

Women go gaga for manipulative men, and men think below the belt.

She’s in denial. She has not healed from the abuse and is still living in fear of her ex’s reactions to the point of not doing what’s best for her daughter

Sarah do everything John tells you to do, make all the calls. Also, you will need to make sure who she is texting, or talking to on line, or on any computer. Only because a "door" may have been opened. DCF, CPA, cops, school, attorney, make all the calls. I can hear the panic in your voice.

Everything via text message or email. Get it in writing that the ex-husband won't budge on these issues. Print and Attach screenshots to a Motion to Suspend parenting time. No overnights until she has her own personal space. Her own bedroom with a door she can shut and in my opinion, lock.

@shannoncraig2147

3 ай бұрын

Yes!!! Everything needs to be done through email, if possible! That can be used against her ex, in court!

@vaska1999

2 ай бұрын

The best advice!

We have kids the same ages, opposite sex. It's hard enough as it is maintaining what they are viewing, who they are speaking to, and ensuring their innocence as long as possible. I cannot imagine how much harder this is when you are operating in a broken / separate family dynamic with steps kids coming into the picture.

@dankus.memeokus4192

3 ай бұрын

Its impossible especially with technology

So I think the boy is telling the girl 'if boys can do it girls do it...' to get her take her clothes off. The boy is probably telling the other boys @ school that his stepsister is not his bio sister. My daughter would not be going to his house.

@yota8325

5 ай бұрын

Doubt it she's probably seeing him do it and wanting to copy him

@sierraalice8072

4 ай бұрын

@@yota8325I could see either way

@dankus.memeokus4192

3 ай бұрын

​@sierraalice8072 same but the first one is assuming the 11 year old is raping her and I'm jot willing to do that without evidence

@BlackStump172

Ай бұрын

@@yota8325You do not know which it is .

@dustyyshellz1320

Ай бұрын

@@BlackStump172yeah nor does the original commenter

I took on that battle with my childrens father. I am 100% positive i did the right thing to protect my kids from the abuse. The fear of what could have continued, i would never be able to forgive myself. Now we dont have contact with him. Never a chance on earth i would let them be with him alone again. Have hope. Stand firm for your children.

No. That's crazy. The ex-husband is an a-hole. Knowing that the mother of the girl doesn't like it and dismissing her concerns and allowing it to go on is an a-hole move. Little kids are easy. If there aren't enough bedrooms, set up a tent in the family room and make it look cool. The kids will probably fight over which one of them gets the tent... until a more permanent arrangement can be made like making the house bigger to accommodate everyone. I can't believe there are other adults in the lives of the children who know about this and say nothing. Where are the aunts and uncles and grandparents? This is an obvious hard no. If my brother was doing this in his house I would say no and never shut up about it until it changed. I'd go buy the tent if I had to - a fun, colorful, and big galaxy tent - and set it up.

@2okaycola

5 ай бұрын

Yep. No need for a home gym when your kids are bunking three or four to a room. Super messed up

I am so glad that Dr. John came at this in the interest of the child. These kids dont ask to be brought into this world. Parents that call this show generally care more about themselves and what they may go through than the children.

Men tend to not see problems. Hire a lawyer immediately and take it before a judge. In the same bedroom is worse than the driving problem. Find a different lawyer. Stop talking about it and do it.

@sarahalderman3126

5 ай бұрын

Not see them? Nah they are usually the ones creating them...

@wap9137

5 ай бұрын

@@sarahalderman3126 Yes, I agree.

@keylacmckemp1309

5 ай бұрын

My husband would lose his mind, and the host, who is a male, seems quite serious about this.

@shannoncraig2147

3 ай бұрын

She should start by calling CPS! They will let the Dad know that it’s not ok & he has to remedy the situation & they will check back, to make sure he does!

Call DHS and let them pull the child from Dad’s home. She will not be allowed back until there are different sleeping arrangements.

I'd be careful of warning the ex what you are going to do. Make your statement about what you expect and follow through with a good attorney. He is not a reliable person and could turn it against her.

Since she has asked not to let the teens drive and asked him to change sleeping arrangements with her youngest, she should do, not warn. Do reach out to the police and get reports. The police may contact cps for you, but if they don't, you should. And please do get a better attorney. I have always felt one the biggest mistakes we as women can make is to tell the abuser/troublemaker what we plan to do if they don't stop their bad behaviors. Best wishes to you and your kids, Sarah! Remember, YOU can choose freedom or bondage!

@LB-gz3ke

5 ай бұрын

I don't understand why she has not contacted CPS yet. I would waste no time and make that call immediately.

@BlackStump172

Ай бұрын

@@LB-gz3keShe is scared of him . She should not give him any warning , at all . Big big mistake ! Never ever warn ahead . He will accuse her of something or block her .

This hit me really hard. I deal with genuine safety concerns with my coparent and he will always dig his heals in more. He will always throw it back on me as a trouble maker when I really am worried about serious safety things. I’ve often had to go to the mats and ask all professionals for help. Even though truly I just want to hide. But my child’s safety is more important than my desire to run and hide from my emotionally abusive ex.

@kelsiemitchell8499

5 ай бұрын

I hope you go to CPS to report your concerns!

@barbiesergio7663

5 ай бұрын

Me too I get it. He fights me harder doubles down, just did last night. The attorneys don't care unless you have hard proof of everything. Next, she is going to need his approval for therapy for the daughter (which he will withhold). Therapists don't want to get involved with divorced parents when their waiting lists so long. I'm on counselor number 8 currently. Most of the commenters don't know what it's like to be in relationships and attempting to "co-parent" this way. It's counter parenting. You have to undo the damage already done. My kid has slept in a hallway at his dad's for over two years. These dads are manipulative and abusive and some have endless amounts of money to fight you in court.

No no no call lawyer asap asap no excuse. Go to court. Call today today. Bring her to a therapist to make sure nothing has already happened. This is an emergency issue. I was 3 my step bro was 10. Let me tell u this is an emergency

@franziskani

5 ай бұрын

Did you miss the part where the boy is _almost_ eleven. Likely he is prepuberty and quite innocent.

@flashthecorgi2053

5 ай бұрын

@@franziskani11:29 Did you miss the part where this happened between her and her older brother on one occasion where they SHARED rooms. It certainly could be happening again regardless of the ages!

@Grabasteakandchill

5 ай бұрын

​@franziskani Huh? What are you saying? The poster is saying it happened to them when they were 3, and the other kid was 10. Therefore, if this kid is 11 those urges could be present. What don't you understand?

@Dark_Souls_3

5 ай бұрын

@@franziskani10 year olds can rape to death… it’s not about his age proving his innocence……..

@sarahalderman3126

5 ай бұрын

@@franziskanino, 11 is usually well into the beginning stages of puberty first of all. More importantly the fact that the father isn't concerned is extremely telling. He is more likely than not a molester.

If you will not stand up for her, who will?

Thank you John... you are absolutely correct. I don't always like someone who jumps the gun on a question but 100 percent stepsister should never EVER share a room with a stepbrother. All I really know about this is growing up in foster care and it was absolutely not allowed under any situation... I'd imagine that even a custodial parent has to figure out how to avoid it as well. Scorched earth, call everyone yesterday.

YOU DON'T WANT YOUR DAUGHTER TO BE THE ONE CALLING DR JOHN 20-YRS FROM NOW, SAYING THAT ‼️YOU‼️ DIDN'T HELP HER‼️‼️

I have a 3 bedroom house and my son gets the smallest bedroom to himself while the 3 girls will share the other bedroom when the time comes. Even though theyre all blood siblings, it's just inappropriate to me after a certain age for boys and girls to be sharing rooms. There's a level of privacy where girls and boys need to be able separated, especially at the age where kids start to get curious about what the other sex looks like physically.

@loganfignewton

5 ай бұрын

I slept in the same room as my sister on a bunk bed until I was in the 5th grade. We were best friends. We are very close and have always been. I think this whole thing is overblown and it's honestly weird. I think people tend to project their own sexual debauchery onto children.

@lidyedmiranda

5 ай бұрын

​@loganfignewton I'm glad you had a healthy experience, but the numbers speak for themselves. It's not safe

@lidyedmiranda

5 ай бұрын

It's also not adult debauchery, it come from experience

@loganfignewton

5 ай бұрын

@@lidyedmiranda What numbers? You're pulling this out of ur ass.

@jugendamthamburg-ggkonform381

4 ай бұрын

The children are not biological siblings in this case so it is not appropriate in this case in my opinion. @@loganfignewton

There was a case on ID where a man divorced his wife and remarried a woman with a 9 year old daughter, his children were adults one of them was married, when the daughter hit puberty the married stepbrother began grooming her, his wife at the time divorced him when she caught them in a compromising position and told his mother(ex-wife) what was going on, because the girl was still underage. The mother confronted him about his behavior and told the ex-husband and the girls mother, they pretty much ignored her, the son ended up killing his mother because she was going to the police. I hope people that have "blended families" consider not only how it will affect their children but who their giving access to.

@keylacmckemp1309

5 ай бұрын

Yes I watched that.

The a-hole is doing that on purpose because he knows his ex history and he knows how to punish her and make her suffer.

@barbiesergio7663

5 ай бұрын

Yep 💯

@mariesolal

4 ай бұрын

This!!!!!!

Involve the police and absolutely trust your gut. Don’t back down. I’ve been in a similar situation with my kids and we did get it handled.

@crow_feather

5 ай бұрын

Sadly, as I've learned the hard way, the police and child protective services won't get involved unless the child has actually been hit. I found this out the hard way when I called child protective services after a woman I know left her abusive, mentally imbalanced husband, and didn't take their toddler with her! She actually left him in the hands of a deranged man with a history of abuse, who was now outraged because she had left, and could quite easily take his anger out on their completely vulnerable toddler! So, upon learning this, I immediately called child protective services. In what to this day has been one of the most heartbreaking experiences of my life, I was told that they would not take the child unless he had been hit, and that because the father had "only" been abusive towards the mother, not their son, thus far, they would do nothing. I was told that the police would take the same stance, because as long as the law hadn't been broken, there was nothing they could legally do. All of my pleas for them to please do something fell on deaf ears. The man on the other end of the phone honestly sounded jaded and bored. It was disgusting! I called the mother and reamed her out for not getting her son, demanded she go back for him, and in her utter immaturity and grotesque selfishness, she refused. Years later, I was walking through town when I saw her walking with a group of people I'm guessing were her co-workers. She saw me, and a completely ashen look spread over her face. I was too disgusted to say anything in response. But to this day that look haunts me. Makes me wonder if something happened to that poor child, for her to be harboring such clearly strong feelings towards me, even after all of those years. Having worked with the police professionally, however, what I have learned is that if calls the cops, she can start filing police reports about her calls to child protective services, and that they did nothing, and about what has been going on for her to call child protective services in the first place. That leaves the beginnings of a legal paper trail she can use against the father. Then, if misconduct comes to light through the forensic therapy appointment the child will be having, she'll have an even stronger case to build against the father because of the legal paper trail she's created through her police reports. This holds especially true if she gets the son arrested for driving illegally. I'm not saying don't get the cops involved, because of course this poor mother needs to do everything in her power to protect her child. I'm simply saying that I think the forensic appointment is going to be her best line of defense, because I'm willing to bet that a good bit is going to come to light during it, and that should be the mother's first line of defense, because that's where she'll have the most evidence. The cops and child protective services should be her second line of defense, given that they won't be able to do nearly as much as the therapist in this case.

@whosaidthat9265

5 ай бұрын

Involve the police? Neither of the kids are over the age of 13 and nothing, per the caller, has happened. What exactly is she supposed to report to the cops? Y’all call the cops for everything, wasting resources for your failure to comprehend the law. She can petition the court for custody modification and use this as proof of why the request should be granted. That’s it

@crow_feather

5 ай бұрын

​​​@@whosaidthat9265For you to say that nothing happened means that you clearly weren't paying attention! The 14 year old illegally driving is enough alone to get the police involved! Besides, it's never "wasting resources," when a child's safety is on the line! As if some vague notion of "resources" is more important than a child! That is an utterly disgusting stance to take, and it's because of attitudes like yours, with nobody wanting to do anything, that children get hurt! That is a horrible, utterly inexcusable stance to take, period! You are NEVER "wasting resources" when you're doing everything in your power to protect a child, especially when that child is your own daughter! And clearly, you know nothing, because having worked with the police professionally myself, I know full well that police reports can be filed. Police reports are the beginning of a legal paper trail. When the cops are rightly called because a 14 year old is illegally driving and is arrested for it, just as the son was being allowed to do by the father in this case, that's even moew fodder that she can use in building a really strong case against the father, so that she can build a case for gaining full custody of her daughter. All of this serves as evidence that will be on top of what, if anything, comes to light during the forensic therapy appointment the daughter is having. Like HELL you're "wasting resources," when it comes to protecting children! That is a disgustingly cold-hearted, utterly callous, and, given that there is plenty the mother can do by calling the cops, contrary to your claims, completely braindead stance to take--and, and I hope to God that you don't have children of your own, or if you do, you never DREAM of taking such calloused, cold-hearted stance with them! To HELL with you for doing so here! No, you are never "wasting resources" when it comes to protecting children! Where the hell do you get off saying something so utterly, disgustingly calloused and outright cruel? To HELL with you for doing so! It's because of you and people like you taking such a disgustingly cold-hearted stance that children get abused, and nobody ever does anything about it!

@MaleahsDiary

5 ай бұрын

​@@whosaidthat9265your comment is very disappointing. To not see how dangerous and inappropriate the situation is, is very scary.

@whosaidthat9265

5 ай бұрын

@@MaleahsDiary your ignorance of the law is very disappointing and dangerous. Read a book

if they were foster children they wouldn’t be legally allowed to be placed in the same room at that age. and in canada this would be an absolute no no and would launch a visit from the their equivalent of CPS.

I know the word “narcissist” gets Thrown around sooooo easily, but this is the *ONLY* thing that makes sense. Why else would a parent intentionally try to destroy his children ?

This is also about protecting that little boy from getting involved in things he doesn't understand and probably wouldn't want to do if he understood the full lifelong consequences. Coming into puberty is a really confusing time for little boys and they are so vulnerable. When you add easy access to pornography to that mix It is so easy for them to get dangerously misguided. This is the time in a little kid's life when their relationship with their sexuality is getting wired and when you start that out with abuse or abusing others, you set them on a scary path.

Please protect your daughter when I was a child my parents didn't believe what happened to me and I had a hard life because it.

We grew up in a 3 bedroom house. Girls room. Boy's room. Parents room. 1 boy, 4 girls, doesn’t matter. Bunk beds, trundle beds, etc.

@alqoshgirl

5 ай бұрын

Right. We have a boy and girls room. We’re about to have our 4th boy and 1 girl. The boys will manage just fine being in 1 room. It’s appropriate to protect both girls and boys and their relationship

@ninas4968

3 ай бұрын

Same here

I do not want to delve into personal details as nothing in court is finalized but Sarah I did let my ex know that if that kind of situation continued & something DID happen, not only would I press charges on everyone to the fullest extent of the law. The kid & both parents who were alerted to concerns would have their lives ruined in court. That's not a threat, its a warning. Happy to say, things changed after that. You have to protect your child, you are their ONLY advocate.

Gosh she is absolutely obnoxious. stop flopping around, rambling on, being weak and stalling. ground yourself and get this taken care of. Be strong for your daughter.

Well i can see why she divorced him.

@alqoshgirl

5 ай бұрын

Well she put her kids in a worse situation where now she has no control for what? Cause she couldn’t handle the marriage. Hope it’s worth it for her ruining her childs life

@HollieMoodie

19 күн бұрын

@@alqoshgirl I can see your point and I stayed in a horrible marriage for pretty much the same reason and have PTSD to show for it now the bastard is dead (heart disease). I really wish there were better options out there. Although, who knows, he could have left her for the new little tart with the step son, so we don't know the whole story.

HECK NO! 😮

Such great advice Dr.J. I pray this little girl is okay and I pray for this mother to have he strength to take this man on!

When I expressed my concern to my jn laws for whoever was going to be around my child in their care as they have out of towers stay over all the time and parties, I stated “there are predators in this world” they said to me “we dont live in that world”. As if theyre in some aloof bubble of safety and that kind of danger only existed in mine and other peoples world. Some people just think this way. Confounding.

I would love to hear an update after she works this out. Loved the advice given to her!

Sarah you're strong and you'll get support. Find your village and fight your fight. You're strong, you got this.

I’ve never wanted an update to an episode more than this one

I was SAd when I was 7 by my cousin who is 4 years older than me, He was not vicious, he was gentle and curious, but it was still sexual abuse. The boy is too young to know what he's doing to her, and may be doing it 'innocently'. But you HAVE to address it and not let it slip by. If your lawyer says 'it's too late to change an agreement' - she's either corrupt, or lazy or lying, or incompetent. Like the Dr says - there are many many things you can do, and you may be blamed for them - but that's your job. So take your heart in both hands, and do it. You can ask for a forensic interview because you think someone May Happen. And the incident with the 'no T shirt' suggests that something is going on with inappropriate messages and even perhaps things just tarting.

I feel for this mom so much. There are more mothers that understand you than you know ❤

Im with john on this

The most common type of incest is committed by a brother or a stepbrothers more so. They don't always care if it's the younger Biology is not a deterrent.

@firefly9838

5 ай бұрын

You need help... thats where your sick mind went to.

@driftingdandelion

2 ай бұрын

i’ve heard of many of these specific cases ending horribly, you’re absolutely right

No offense but clearly John has not dealt with child custody!! Child custody is the most broken system in our country. My heart goes out to this mother, because she is absolutely correct, she is helpless.

@eclipse.5295

5 ай бұрын

Further, most single moms don’t just keep an attorney on retainer for 18 years. Once the divorce is final that’s it. Unless you drop another $5,000 retainer.

@dabd8175

5 ай бұрын

Ignorant female comment

@bahwickee

5 ай бұрын

Then she needs sliding scale legal help through services for people that need financial assistance. Looks like Indiana Legal Services should be able to help.

@dabd8175

5 ай бұрын

@@eclipse.5295 if the females didn't file for divorce maybe they wouldn't have these problems 😮

@supermodelatlanta1354

5 ай бұрын

I agree 3 mnts in

Can I just say I love the caller's fun response at the beginning of the call.

Dr John At his best. ❤

I don't understand what happened between the caller and her brother. Did they edit it out? She slept in a bunkbed with him once and worried they'd "touch parts"? I had occasional bunk situations like this with my siblings, and it was not a big deal. Did he touch her and she's not saying? Because later, she's like, "We still talk about feeling guilty," and John says, "What happened to you wasn't your fault etc." ??? So confused.

No, boys and girls do not share bedrooms when older, genetically related or not Your ex should know better

Prayers to you mama. 🙏

Any man, especially the Dad of an 8 year old girl that "thinks" its ok for her to sleep in the same room as boy is Naive.

@jugendamthamburg-ggkonform381

4 ай бұрын

It's setting two good children up for embarrassing situations at best, and also makes it harder for the children to have a place to play with the friends they invite over.

@vaska1999

2 ай бұрын

Irresponsible, not naive.

The court will do NOTHING! Stop thinking that Family courts care about kids. Sad but true! I have seen much worse situations where nothing was done. The legal system is like she said:it FAILS kids!

I think the caller needs to choose her battles. Which is the priority here? I’d say the bedroom issue.

From my experience, they wont do a forensic interview with the current set of circumstances. And if the dad has true joint they wont allow therapy without his consent. Fighting a four year long court battle to just get my child in therapy with her dad refusing to cosign even with disclosures and recommendation of therapy from multiple state agencies. Working with the system is like walking through quick sand. And as a parent you cant stop when the alarms inside of you are going off about your child, but at the same time the more persistent you are the worse things get with coparenting, the tension between homes is increased and that falls on the child if one parent is immature or mentally ill, and the more the system (at least in my area) turns the other cheek. But you still do it because youre a mama. I doubt she will get anywhere. But she still must try.

@barbiesergio7663

5 ай бұрын

Yep me too 👆👆👆. It's not as easy as people think. The courts do NOT CARE. I can't get a signature for a therapist because he doesn't want the truth to come out, it is a living hell.

@chelsaegalloway9825

5 ай бұрын

@@barbiesergio7663 it has been ongoing for us too. My poor baby. I'm so sorry you're living the same hell.

Glad to hear the school is dealing with issues related to sexuality. It helps if they see it's something that is Ok to speak up about.

I’m gonna need an update on this 😢

@sarahjenkins6094

Ай бұрын

It took three months but she is out of the room with the step brother.

Many of the problems we see in this world can be tied to poor parenting.

I many states, this is actually illegal after a certain age. Like 5.

@agricolaregs

5 ай бұрын

In North Carolina, boys and girls can’t share a bedroom after toddler stage.

Your 8-year-old daughter's sleeping arrangements are waaaaaaaay more important than your husband allowing your young teenagers to drive. I got my driver's license when I was 14. It was restricted meaning after 6pm there needed to be an adult with a driver's license in the front seat.

@jennam8401

5 ай бұрын

I think she was just using the driving examples to highlight how she feels previous interactions or requests for change have gone, not to equate them as equal to her daughter's plight

@jordananthony6432

5 ай бұрын

@@jennam8401I agree l. But I also agree with the original comment. Both can be true. But she sounds like she complains about a lot. Like my mother, it’s hard to tell what’s series because she complains about so much

@jordananthony6432

5 ай бұрын

It’s hard to tell what’s serious

@yota8325

5 ай бұрын

​@@jordananthony6432yep I bet that's why she probably doesn't want to push harder because she is already complaining too much. She probably feels like she could loose custody If it gets into a custody battle aswell

I think this happens more than anyone knows. 😕

I accidentally enter that first comment. Anyway, the predators don't always care if their victims are girls or boys. And to repeat myself, biology is not always a deterrent. As for the golf cart on public roads, here in PA, it is illegal. The diver's age doesn't matter. In this case, Dad could be fined and lose his driver's license.

Forget the non-biological part... 11 year old boy is absolutely a threat to 8/9 year old girl. Hormones don't discriminate between biological and non-biological. I was molested by my 100% biological brother for years and he was able to do it because we shared a room. My parents didn't want to give me my own room because they didn't want my 3 brothers to feel discriminated against. I'm glad their feelings were protected, I guess.

@agnieszka810

4 ай бұрын

i have a biological brother, we lived in one room till i was 17 and we never thought even about it! rise your kids for f.. sake! not every boy is a f... rapist! you think every family had the luxury to have seperated room?

@nellybean69

3 ай бұрын

@@agnieszka810Glad you had a good experience growing up. Not everyone does. You don’t need to shame people who had different experiences.

@agnieszka810

3 ай бұрын

@@nellybean69 you dont get it. Siblings different age in one room is not instant rape. People in my parents aged doesnt had the luxury for living in big flats or homes where every child has own bedroom.

@nellybean69

3 ай бұрын

@@agnieszka810 Correction: It doesn’t always amount to rape but it certainly can. I also come from a family where this type of behavior is unconscionable. However, I’m a Medical Social Worker and before that was a therapist for over 10 years. I have seen things. I had no idea of the things people do to each other. Your example takes a few things for granted: 1. You cannot make comparisons across generations. We are living in a very different culture than when our parents and even we were raised. For a lot of kids today, peers and social media are the biggest influence in a child’s, and the family comes after that. 2. You assume this family has the same moral compass you do. It’s a natural assumption and most people think this way but it is a very dangerous way to think when talking about protecting children. It sucks but you almost have to plan for the worst and be surprised when people don’t behave like animals. You can adjust your opinion about someone but do it based on their behavior over time. This is one of the many reasons CPS is a complete disaster. They are either in la-la land (think everyone is wonderful but misunderstood) or judge someone harshly but don’t adjust their opinion despite other evidence. 3. You assume the reason the kids are sharing a bedroom is because of financial necessity. Even if this is true, they should be separated-one can sleep on the couch. A family that is dedicated to protecting their children can do this despite their income.

@agnieszka810

3 ай бұрын

@@nellybean69 you are assuming that you can prevent rape by giving seperated rooms. The reason is in bad parenting not in sharing bedroom

I was forced to share a room with my biological brother who was six years younger than me. It was awful. Even if I changed in the bathroom I was walked in on constantly by my mother and brother. I left my house at 17.

The courts aren't going to do anything about it, and this woman probably knows it. The family courts are about money, not children. Very few family court judges actually care about children with any kind of ethical/safety standards.

While i agree that oposite sex children shouldn't share a room, the fact is that no, you can not call the cops and cps on unfounded claims of abuse. In fact, she could lose custody doing that becauseif its not true, the courts will see it as harassment and parental alienation. An 8 year old taking her shirt off and feeling comfortable being around other people is not a sign of csa. In fact, it's a sign that she isn't being abused. It is pereftly normal for an 8 year old to take their clothes off. My daughter, who is the same age, will run out of the bathroom naked because she forgot something, and we always have to remind her that she can't do that. No, she is not being abused by her brothers. She is just 8 and doesn't understand how serious nakedness is.

@vaska1999

2 ай бұрын

Sorry, but you're generalizing from your daughter's *very unusual* behaviour.

Call Child Protective Services

@firefly9838

5 ай бұрын

Unless she can prove things their hands are tied.

She needs to stop over explaining. She sounds rambling which makes other adults think she's just a nervous nelly and won't take her seriously. State the problem or rather what you will not put up with and then just be quiet.

Just for information sake, there are states that actually let 14 year olds get driver's licenses. I took driver's education when I was 13 and was a licensed driver at 14. I would not condone illegal driving, but could there be compromises made in discussion with the ex-spouses? For instance, I learned to drive in our u-driveway on a rural road with my dad in the car when I was 12. Just a thought.

My name is Patricia i love your work.

In Miami a 14 yo was driving a car . And he saw the police chasing him and he got scare sped off and crashed into a post and died. Think before you have kids . Have kids with people with same morals and principles . Odds are that if you guys divorce you will still be good parents alone .

No no no. Kids experiment and mimic stuff they hear and see. I’ve talked to too many adults who had relations with family or babysitters, etc. Her ex is ridiculous.

Here’s a really valuable piece of advice when it comes to coparenting and very large extended families when it comes to family court you as the other participating party your opinion will never be valid in court because you’re not the biological parents so always stay out of whatever their problem is

This is what I’m gonna tell you when it gets to becoming in a relationship with a man that got a divorce. Don’t always listen to what the man says because there’s a reason that the last two of them got a divorce there’s always two sides to every story.

This was years ago, but there was an incident that happened while my daughter was on her dads weekend. I called the sheriffs department when I realized what had happened and was told, when she was at her dads, the dad was totally in his rights to make decisions concerning her.

@genxx2724

5 ай бұрын

You need to go to court so the judge can determine that it’s not appropriate for the dad to make decisions, so he can’t have any custody.

@vaska1999

2 ай бұрын

You should have taken that to court (the fact that you reported it to the police, regardless of their response, was a good thing).

Oh snap I'm from evansville

Grow a spine, woman! She's afraid of her ex's reaction so she uses it as an excuse for why she isn't protecting her daughter?! Shameful.

@larissagonzales6075

5 ай бұрын

seriously she was irritating me so bad.

@hopebell2659

5 ай бұрын

Yes, I was constantly thinking “spit out the info woman” and listening to her, I think she’s not telling the whole truth because it reflects badly upon her

@yota8325

5 ай бұрын

It's likely she did her fair share of wrong in the marriage so doesn't want to push to hard cause he may have the power to go for full custody

@cwalker6911

4 ай бұрын

As much as it was frustrating to listen to, it’s hard to consider what on earth she went through given how much shame she had given the sexual assault she went through it seems plausible she’d question her own judgment or how the ex will respond

I hear you mom caller. The legal system doesn't care. My kids dad actively drives my kids drunk. I can't prove it. They are too afraid to speak up. He also is blocking therapy for my children, doesn't give them medication. He is an alcoholic and is a huge problem. My attorney says I can't prove any of it. No DUIs. Therapists won't see my son because they need both parents to agree on therapy. We can not. He is a disaster, has been abusive for 22 years. I can not get any thing done to help my kids.

@user-rc2fj9nx1l

2 ай бұрын

Get on something like Better Help. They don't deal with insurance. Or contact a pastor who does counseling. My husband is a pastoral counselor, and meets with church members for free. ETA: Just to say that pastors don't go through insurance and don't charge. It's not a substitute for therapy completely, but it would be something.

Report all you know to CPS!!!

There’s laws against that in my State. Period, boys and girls to not bunk together

@gmarie3053

5 ай бұрын

As a non American, this is shocking to me. Houses are small so different genders share rooms a lot. I’m not saying it’s right though.

@skr8674

5 ай бұрын

@@gmarie3053 You’re talking about blood family. These two kids are not related!

@jazzad

5 ай бұрын

@@gmarie3053 boys sharing rooms with girls, direct relatives or not is a well studied factor of sexual assault against minor girls. Huge amounts of hormons into immature brains make boys act funny and sometimes, girls too. It can happen candidly out of curiosity or very viciously. On the long term it tends to be detrimental wether or not actual assault happens. Teens need private time to get comfortable with their own body and sexuality.

@yota8325

5 ай бұрын

​@@skr8674while this is true I think outside of America this world be less of a issue

If there's one thing I've learned listening to the show..... It's that life is a lot better with our children or getting married. And that's just facts

Dude what...this is going to become a problem real fast 🏃‍♂️

This mom needs to go back to the family court, and get primary physical custody. Under no circumstances should the step brother be sharing a room at her dad’s house.

Why does everyone default to a victim mindset? In terms of the daughter and son in law in the same room issue, flat out NO... Biggest risk to young girls is non blood related males...

@2okaycola

5 ай бұрын

Yep

Hell, hath no fury like a pissed off momma bear. 11 year old boy and 8 year old girl who isn't biologically related SHOULD NEVER SHARE a ROOM. Like Doc said, call everyone you can and get emergant sole custody of your daughter.

@coreyfranco7060

5 ай бұрын

A step brother is biologically related no?

@franziskani

5 ай бұрын

the boy is "almost" 11. for all we know he is quite a child, she did not mention whether this is for visits (and whether they have the space). Sounds like the kids are part of the time with her and part of the time with him. This could be an issue of space and convenience (on the other hand he has a golf cart, which would indicate they have some money and possibly a house. Regarding the driving on (busy) public roads, the guy is insane. I wonder if this is a popularity contest (he is the cool dad that allows things). Or if he enjoys to antagonize the mother ...

@littlelam3691

5 ай бұрын

@@coreyfranco7060no. It is the stepmother’s kid with another man.

@ogolden8315

5 ай бұрын

⁠@@coreyfranco7060- No… Step-Siblings generally have no blood ties. HALF-Siblings are the ones with blood ties. They usually share ONE biological parent.

@nicolehenderson3884

5 ай бұрын

​@@franziskaniI don't care what the space issue is!!! They ain't sharing a room!!! IF it's like that put her in the kitchen, in the hall. BUT you will NOT put my baby girl alone in a room with a boy, I don't care how child like or innocent he is.

I’m with him, the second I read this title I said ABSOLUTELY HELL NO! 😐

Violate the order take your child back and go to court and talk like a cop not a friend

@yota8325

5 ай бұрын

Ngl that sounds like a way for her to loose custody not gain it

Almost every little girl has had something happen to her by boys this is one of those situations that will happen.

@sarahalderman3126

5 ай бұрын

By boys? No it's usually the middle aged men, fathers, stepfathers, uncles, and family friends... male and older are the two greatest risk factors.

@waluigisim

5 ай бұрын

@@sarahalderman3126yes, even boys. especially if they are a little older than the girl and around the age of puberty

@skr8674

5 ай бұрын

Not if you protect your child the right way!

@sarahalderman3126

5 ай бұрын

@@skr8674 even then... 8 out of every 10 women experienced sexual abuse at some point throughout their childhood.

@tresjolieme81

5 ай бұрын

no sara i remember in 1st grade the boys told us girls to look under the lunch table and we saw their penis. Yes we all giggled. They have a curiosity that even i remember and I was 6. It didnt traumatize me but this girl is in his room he will want to flip her over for sure. @@sarahalderman3126

It is not appropriate. Not just about safety but it is inappropriate. The parent can sleep in the living room. This way the boy and also the girl have their rooms to decorate, and have friends over. If the father is remarried then his wife too can be in the living room when the daughter is over. And the room for the daughter ought to be one where she can store her stuff and decorate as she likes so she enjoys a home there. She ought to have two home sin this situation, and feel at home at both of them. SO, the family has space, but is allocating the space in a way inconsiderate of the children who already in a very difficult situation.

Thanks for all the comments! My daughter is in a room with her sister again. No one is illegally driving vehicles. Now we’re just dealing with a bad dog bite to the face that occurred at their dad’s house. Messy. I’m not a Karen and don’t go looking for crap to stir up. Some of you found my call obnoxious. That’s something triggered in you. I am making the best of a situation that went sideways when the man I married proved he only cared about himself and truly no one else. Appreciate all the comments- the contrast was enlightening. 👏

My cousins 2 girls and 1 boy. They share 1 bedroom until the eldest was 13 years until they moved into a bigger place with more rooms. Triple bunkbeds

Good grief. Protect your daughter for crying out loud. Maddening. Wouldnt surprise me at all if she looked for an excuse not toncall authorities and then look for someone else to help. Call the fn police.

@vickimerritt2832

15 күн бұрын

They will tell her call her lawyer.

@vickimerritt2832

15 күн бұрын

Do not warn the ex, send CPS directly to his house. Now.