This is absolutely ❤ beautiful ❤ so raw, authentic and real. I love this!! Thank you both so much! 🌈🙏🪷✨🕊️ Daniel Matè is a natural and I enjoyed his sense of humor! Beautiful souls. First time seeing him and already love the young man. Father and son dynanite duo. 👏👏 I bought the book 'In the realm of hungry ghosts' because I wanted to understand my bio-mon, a recovering drug addict who gave me up for adoption but kept in the family. Fortunately, we reconnected in 2016 and were able to heal our relationship before she passed away in 2021. ❤❤ Unconditional Love truly is powerful . . . ❤❤ New Subscriber to your channel.

Astounding how much our parents can screw us up - as a result of their own woundedness. Yes, my mother used to say the same thing to me: “Wait until YOU have children, then you’ll see!”, and I swore to myself that I would be a different parent if I ever had kids. And I was. But it was incredibly challenging and hard to NOT go to the default backhanded reactions and responses I was given as a child, to not continue with the aggression and abuse I had received. And at the same time I had to wrestle with my finally drawing boundaries with my parents at the age of 40. Having been brought up in a tyrannical, narcissistic, abusive, and completely dysfunctional household, in which early on I was thrown into having to play mother to my brother and my mother, having boundaries wasn’t a concept at all. On the contrary, I dealt with the guilt of that for many-many years. My brilliant, funny, artistic, sensitive brother started to drink as a teenager and hasn’t stopped since. I had something different in my internal architecture as a coping mechanism, defiance, rebellion, truth-telling in your face, etc., so alcoholism wasn’t an issue for me, luckily. Perfectionism, etc., is a different story. On a bad day, I feel I insane amounts of compassion for myself as a child, teenager, young adult, coz I wish I had a better set of parents till this day - and I’m 52 now. On a better day I extend that compassion to my parents for their own hardships growing up. At the same time I mourn this loss of “what it could have been for us and for my children, had we had a halfway normal family.

@TuTuFox

7 ай бұрын

I was the oldest of 4. I was the only one who was not a biological child, I was adopted at 8 mo of age. My parents who adopted me were my babysitter. I dont know the real story of how i was adopted or rather why. I was told different stories. I never met my birth mom but obviously my parents knew her. . I always thought the whole thing was just odd cause of the fact I was told different stories. Im 71 & I still wonder. My parents are no longer here they died pretty young 48 & 53. I have always wished I could have met my birth mom & asked her ...Why?..... I always felt I didn't fit in because i was treated differently than my brother & sisters ( to me they r my brother & sisters because they r who i grew up with) anyway mom was an alcoholic & alcohol made her mean.....To me. In the morning I would see her start drinking & I would think to myself.....here ut comes.... She would mentally & physically abuse me. I was so afraid of her that if i walked by her & she would just so happen to lift her arm, I would duck, so that would piss her off & she would hit me. So many times she would drag me by the hair. I would have to stay inside & clean the house including my sisters & brothers rooms. We had wood floors & i had to get on my knees to rub the wax on the floor then polish it. It goes on & on. At 71 I still remember standing in the kitchen & my mom saying...just because we adopted you it doesn't make you special. She was drunk as usual so I blamed it on the alcohol, she surely didn't mean it....right? I swore at that time to myself, that if i have children I was not going to treat any of my children like that & I didn't. Thank God I am close to all 4 of my kids & we along with my grandkids do things together all the time. At least 2 times a month. The stupid thing is I have days Im depressed & I tell myself WTH IS UR PROBLEM ❓️You have a wonderful family u should be grateful & not be ridiculous. You should b happy all the time. I sometimes want to kick myself & say SNAP OUT OF IT❗️Thankfully I didn't become an alcoholic or anything but I don't know why I get like that at times. I never show it to my kids but then when Im with them Im my happiest. 🤷‍♀️

Wow, this was incredibly authentic and vulnerable. I almost felt like I was spying on a father-son interaction that usually is behind closed doors in a private home... I absolutely love you two and all you are offering the world. Thank you!

@robynhope219

4 ай бұрын

I see something entirely different.

@stefaniakonstantinidou981

3 ай бұрын

​@@robynhope219what do you see

@robynhope219

3 ай бұрын

@@stefaniakonstantinidou981 A self absorbed, inauthentic individual.

@stefaniakonstantinidou981

3 ай бұрын

@@robynhope219 if he s like that, which I Don t see it, it s only bc of the father

@robynhope219

3 ай бұрын

@@stefaniakonstantinidou981 I was talking about Gabor, the father.😯

Daniels awareness of of his bodily nervous system reactions are so authentic and the key to taking responsibility and true opportunity for healing … so brave to face each other with such honesty since for me my relationship with my daughter is my most confrontive where I take everything sooo personally

Beginning at 40:, it’s exactly what I’ve been thinking about. When we are not shown what we as children need we don’t know what our children need. We think we are going to do better but we actually don’t. We pass onto them our pains so we look to one another for healing. If we are lucky our children, as adults, will stick with us. I didn’t with my parents and it was worth it. Full circle is a beautiful thing. I hope this adult child and parent are in the stages of completing the circle. I played Paul Simon to my son....and of course his song “my momma loves me like a rock.” God bless your work. It’s very important for the times.

I learned a lot about myself from Gabors talks but listening to Daniel and him here has given me great hope for my relationship with my sons who suffered because of my trauma thank you both so much ❤️

Love the authenticity and the vulnerability of this talk. Oh Gosh! You both are admirable! Thank you for being you! 😍

@Ann-pk4js

Жыл бұрын

This talk is so necessary and immensely healing Thank you Daniel for staying open and sharing your story My daughter is tentatively opening her feelings with me It made me cry to hear your feelings towards your mother as this is how I feel she relates to me .. she’s forgiving and takes responsibility but there is always a wall a feeling of protecting me / her ?? First time I’ve heard someone talk about this so intimately Thank you 🙏

THANK YOU! For sharing this with the world in it's full transparency. This public workshop is so powerful due to the credibility of Dr. Gabor Mate and Daniel's perspective, (not at all to diminish his high intelligence, I only know of his father's work until watching and hearing Daniel's insights and experiences during this talk). My mother and I have had an estranged relationship for the majority of my fifty years of life. Dr. Mate's expert and respected perspective brought value for my understanding. I also related, appreciated, and saw my own validation and value reflected back to me in Daniel's intentional, passionate, intelligent, courageous, and transparent lens of perspective and experience. I am now able to see an ever so slight, opening for a different possibility and a new understanding in compassion for another, I hadn't seen before. THANK YOU!

I needed this Had massive anxiety over a fight I had with my mom and couldn’t sleep Watched this video and feel so much better

Gabor is "old world" European, mired in a particular despair and Daniel,the son, emerges from this but swims in the Euro North American material privledge. Interesting to see their struggles for wholeness(healing) and recognition within these historical locations.

@robynhope219

6 ай бұрын

Material privilege for sure...

This video demonstrates how brave these two men are. Rarely will anyone, anyone I know, who would put their feelings up front and witness and “ tamper” with them …for the benefit of others. I doubt that I will ever be that brave.

@candyrosefreeman7232

7 ай бұрын

You Already Are, Fellow Human. Blessings And Truth For All.

Hurt people hurt people until we heal completely we will continue to hurt others

@feathernorth

Жыл бұрын

And nobody ever heals completely. We're all still human.

@its_all_in_the_feeling8448

5 ай бұрын

Not one completely healed person is alive.

The two Matés baring their dirty laundry takes a lot of courage, honesty and vulnerability. Very helpful, if at times uncomfortable. Thanks.

@robynhope219

6 ай бұрын

Their laundry isn’t very dirty...mine is filthy.😢

Watching Daniel and Gabor together is helpful to witness. Studying and hearing the stories Gabor has recounted about his experiences with his family increasingly recently with depth & with authenticity, now has a completeness to them seeing them side by side.

I am so grateful for the Mate family! Thank you guys for sharing such profound wisdom and experiences. The level of vulnerability is a remarkable display of courage too. THANK YOU SO MUCH 💝🙏

@robynhope219

4 ай бұрын

No vulnerability...it’s all staged.

Daniel is clearly resentful and having a tough time, but he used the end to manipulate the audience into thinking it’s a good vibe. Gabor held it together but wow tough. Lot of issues Daniel is dealing with. Amazing the book made it into the world.

@slampersand3145

3 ай бұрын

I'm the daughter of a female psychiatrist and I really relate to Daniel. There's another video of them at this workshop from a few years prior to this and he quite eloquently explains his calling out of his father in the last few minutes of it. If Gabor isn't bothered, you surely shouldn't be eh.

@stefaniakonstantinidou981

3 ай бұрын

I find that Daniel is clearly hurt and feels neglected and Gabor is distant and cold to Daniele. What do u think

Never found something to the relationship between parents and ADULT children..-this is really good..

I feel deep admiration for Dr. Gabor Maté and compassion for having to manage these situations with his son and the emotional wounds his son has yet to heal. Grateful!

Magic of it is that it initially sounds like it's all bout them (Gabor and Daniel) until it dawns on me (very few minutes into the video) it's all bout us. So powerful, always. Gratitude, guys. B.

@robynhope219

6 ай бұрын

Alas, it’s not about my situation 😢

I found myself weeping at various moments here, and then curious as to why. I can't relate to any of the specific incidents, but it's likely I am mourning the loss of a chance to relate this way with my deceased parents. More than that, though, it's a gift to witness authentic and vulnerable interaction. I think my tears were joyful.

It’s so incredibly wholesome seeing Gabor get teased by Daniel, I’m dying. :D This all makes me feel at peace with us all being imperfect people doing imperfect things, it’s beautiful beyond words.

I've read Dr. Mate book " When the Body Says No". I have chronic illness and am currently struggling with narcissistic family members. I'm looking forward to learn more from this since I cut contact with both of my parents for my own health and sanity. Glad to see son and father working together here.

@l.silcher

Жыл бұрын

That is like the beautiful offer they make: When u are an adult child you can try to look at your parents "just" as the persons they are instead of their parent role and decide if you wish to create a new relationship...or not. And both is totally okay.

@cindyspiess9963

Жыл бұрын

I empathize with you completely on the narsasist thing and the cutting off , I have done the same thing . It feels much healthier this way . Sometimes a little guilt will ding me in the back of my mind but I know that I can not do a healthy relationship by myself and the narsasist will never get it or do anything different so I have to deal with what is .

@taralilarose1

Жыл бұрын

You have chronic illness bc of your narc fam....been there. So sorry. It's a long, hard road to recovery.

@themysticnavigator

11 ай бұрын

I can relate to this dynamic..it is difficult to be detected from family but that does not mean the toxic flashbacks dont exsist. Been working on those for years. ❤

@morganniciomhair8284

10 ай бұрын

Sometimes it is better to say good bye...NO more.Best wishes.

53:32 there’s a time for parenting AND THEN that function expires & a new relationship may or may not be formed. I like that.

Thank you for sharing your vulnerabilities, inner struggle, candid inner life of your thoughts, experience, emotions --- your process is a great example. Gabor's tenacity, 100% stability as a father, is so rare. Agapé

Lovely family. So aware, honest and connected. It touches me.

@robynhope219

Ай бұрын

It is a show for the public...that's all it is, ppl.

Great Effort for parents and children

AFFIRMATIVE PRAYER: - I love myself - God is within, and all around - I am love, itself - I am freedom, itself - I am in love with my life - I am in love with myself - Joy fills me - I am joyful - My twin-flame and I are magnetized to each other; we belong together; we are destined to be with one another... - I am a money magnet - I am a miracle magnet - I am a love magnet - Every cell of my being vibrates at the frequency of perfect health

Thank you for this. The level of vulnerability is incredible.

Listening to the end Daniel seems to still have ego and anger issues in him I understand but have so much respect for Gabors lifetime work to help so many of us I hope Daniel finds peace in himself and within his relationship with his wonderful father

Prof. Gabor Mate is a genius in his field. Only when Daniel will fully and truly except that, and stop trying to compete with this father genius, and only then the good vibes will really flourish. My opinion. Daniel is very smart for sure, but...sometimes one needs to accept the BIG difference between smart and genius. Bravo and thank you to Prof. Gabor Mate for being so real and open for us and our well being. And Thank you Dr. Daniel Mate for explaining exactly how it is and feels to grow up with traumatized parents, and how it affects the us. Sad. From my experience, I've learned that I don't really need an answer to every question I have. I have today, I do my best every day. That's all that matters. Can you undo the past? Not even a genius can. 😉 Love from Israel🌼

@hafty9975

3 ай бұрын

relationships are not about establishing roles of superiority and inferiority. they are based in equal interchange

@stefaniakonstantinidou981

3 ай бұрын

If the genius was loving and accepting to his son , maybe the son would not be antagonistic to the genius

@elpa882

Ай бұрын

Genius in what way? Gabor was pretty much like Daniel at Daniel's age. You need to take into consideration that they have big age difference, thus also a difference in life experience. Daniel surely knows more about music than Gabor. And Gabor knows more about medicine and trauma. They are both smart in their own way.

Your father is a beautiful wise & humble man who has ( as we all ) - ‘ figured things out ‘ - all part of life’s course. RESPECT IS ESSENTIAL AS NO-ONE IS PERFECT ❕❕❕ SOMETIMES EGO IS THE MAIN FACTOR ❕❕❕

This is a total gift....to see you be humans side by side....respecting each others liberty....and connection....neither an either/or....but a both/and. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I will hold an open possibility of this towards my loved ones too.

Gabors question about "Is it going to last or will we go back to default setting?" I instantly wanted to hug him for being brave enough to speak about his fear. It is not an "or" question. Its like training. You guys will go back to default from time to time on shitty days but you will get better in stepping out of it sooner. And some day it is probably just a few seconds so it will not have a big impact anymore

@jeannebjorn989

Жыл бұрын

too bad that question wasn't gone into a little deeper

Thank you so much Daniel and Gabor for this......I can feel the prickles/electricity in the air between you at times and it reminds me of my relationship with my oldest. He is almost always in attack mode and is forgiving of anyone but me. I love him more than he'll ever admit to knowing but it has always been a difficult relationship at best and he is a functioning alcoholic which just adds more muck to the pot. 🙏💜

@denise2169

Жыл бұрын

Debbie Todd, it’s interesting how, when you talk about your son, you focus on his not behaving in the way you want: he forgives everyone except you, he doesn’t acknowledge how much he loves you, and that he ‘adds more muck to the pot’. Have you ever asked him why he does this and really listen without interrupting? It sounds like he is trying to tell you something, but doesn’t have the chance to really do so.

@bastian6173

Жыл бұрын

There is no such thing as a functiong alcoholic.

@debbietodd8547

Жыл бұрын

@@bastian6173 Well, they manage to keep going to work everyday, how's that? My Dad used to be so hung over he couldn't go to work in the morning many days.

@bastian6173

Жыл бұрын

@@debbietodd8547 Either he is an alcoholic or he is not an alcoholic! I don't know his drinking habits but when you say "functioning" it sounds like denial. I've been there. All addictions begin with pain and they end in pain.

@TuTuFox

7 ай бұрын

Daniel comes across to me as very sensitive & gets triggered easily. I can be wrong but thats what i got out of this. And so he can be argumentative. Am I the only one who sees this or at least gets that impression?

Daniel. Same looks, mannerisms, sense of humour as Robert Downey Jr. :) Beautiful dialogue.

@tnt01

Жыл бұрын

yes. lol

@gabordanielmate

Жыл бұрын

kzread.info/dash/bejne/nWVqmdVsZKbRh6w.html

@beyondwords2909

Жыл бұрын

When are you holding g this in canada again

Moving through being the "director" in our task of parent caregiver & hopefully loving healthy relationship of raising a healthy as possible response~able young adult ~to being the "advisor" ~( 90% time only when help is asked for !!!!)

Here's another magic I see : my father recently passed away. For 3 years i've worked on appeasing my relationship to him. Not with him, since I did not see any willingness from him to be part of the process. And that's ok. As Daniel brilliantly puts it, taking responsibility is an exploration that involves nobody else but self. Is this liberating or what?

You two actually get it!! What a breath of fresh air! Thank you both for your humanness, AND your obvious mutual intent to pursue a supportive caring relationship with one another....in spite of the obvious challenges that present with all relationships with 'history' 😊

It ain’t necessarily so. They wear their trauma on their sleeves…. The Jewish people are among the most traumatised on the earth alongside the American aboriginal people. Even at this level of intellectual capacity a 50 year old and his 80 year old father continue to trigger each other’s disregulated systems. In a less intellectual family system they would not be together as a family methinks. So wonderful that they coexist and produce such insights for one another and their world wide audience. Just loved watching this.

@stefaniakonstantinidou981

3 ай бұрын

But this did not show me there was any healing. Daniele seems hurt and attached to his father and the father seems distant and rejecting to me. This is not a relationship. What do you think

Thank u Daniel for ur beautiful vulnerable heart ☘️💕☘️being soooo brave an open hearted u make children all over the world relate to your pain and frustration 💛May u always shine thank u for you and your beautiful parents ☘️🕊☘️grace in full bloom 🍀

Love this. Thank you💜💛

I have been thinking about the words "responsibility" and "accountability" these past few days as I try to find the words to speak to my adult children (early 20s so still young). I was thinking of the practical necessities of personal responsibility but also our responsibility to each other as people and as family. I am finding it really hard to let go of the word "role" as I do believe I still have a role as guide and teacher wherever I can. Thank you both Gabor and Daniel x

The Mates are national treasures and I would vote for any or all of them for president in a heartbeat 🙏🏽

Thanks Daniel. It’s really helpful listening to you ❤🌺🌺👍🏻

0:00 - 25:05 Son. Balancing attachment and authenticity. What responsibility means. 25:06 - 46:46 Father. From Role to Relationship. Responsibility. Choices. 1:01:16 Son. Superb end. Thank you.

I love it! And I have listened to all audio books so your voice, Daniel, is very familiar to me but it's so interesting to hear you in a much more interactive way... Suddenly you are a person and not just a voice 😅😆 Keep going guys, your work is healing!

Some people believe that they are special..more than others and at the same time they feel worthless within ..THE recipe to become bitter, resentful and even hateful... And to live life ful of rage..covered or expressed...

It takes courage and humbleness and true bonding to care enough to talk and listen openly.

Mate Gabor’s words are so simple and so powerfully profound! I feel so fortunate to hear this talk!

Absolutely- so difficult to not keep circling back to the past. Thank you for the important message to leave the former “roles” behind.

‘This is simply beautiful’. Thank You Both for helping us see more clearly👏🏼. The internal struggles and conflicts we all experience at some point in life often feels emotionally exhausting. Disabling with pure frustration. It’s intensely difficult trying to form a healthy relationship that you didn’t attend to as well as you could or Wished you had.. Parenting while trying to make sense of a troubled past. We were; are all Children, developing through learned > habitual, defensive preservations. Digging deep, for ways to create good healthy habits that are conducive to inner peace and harmony. Respect 🙏🏼

Thank you Daniel - this is the first KZread I’ve watched and listened to that includes you - love the book and also gifted my son a copy -

Thank you both for a refreshing perspective on relationships. 😢The closer, the more complicated. How clear feelings become when our parents are not there any more to talk through things, many things. But generally I find if we would just listen instead of practising our reply while people are telling us things, less conflict might occur. I wish us all luck🍀

For sure, revel in the successes Daniel. Make the body remember over and over again the changes that are happening. ( growing up, I moved around a lot, with different family members, and there wasn't much reminiscing that I could be included in. My memories now are spotty at best, and mostly negative) I could see Gabor's brain trying to persuade him that the positive outcomes might actually be a mirage. Quick sand under the feet. The change real and we all get to bear witness. Remember that your dad may have been having a feeling of free-fall at that moment. The fear is real. Never give up. Dig a deeper foundation. One simple dream that came to me a few years ago, was of myself just kneeling in wet sand and using a straight, flat piece of wood to to square off a level surface. Scraping up and down, side to side, over and over. I was creating a foundation from scratch, from the basics, which actually is where I remain today. There is so much that needs clearing away, and it will never be perfect. If there is any perfection, it is only in the attempt.

@desertboot9755

Жыл бұрын

Yes, you can see Gabor is trapped in the negative - a product I guess of his trauma and journey. His son doesn't wish to be trapped in that.

@TankGump96

Жыл бұрын

Sounds like they both need to lower their expectations regarding their relationship.

Gabor, as always i love your efforts for lovely family relations as well as your mission bringing trauma awareness to us in a sincere and tender mode.Since years i follow your lectures and they are a precious gift for me in my personal development and family sensitiveness/tenderness. Love and gratitude 🌈 from Switzerland today

I've been waiting for another one of these. Thank you both 😁👏

Thank you a million times!!!!

Thank you I long for this reunion 💞

So great :D. I will read your book with joy

You can tell Daniel still has a lot of resentment.

@helenee.5462

Жыл бұрын

And with valid reason. Sending an email during your sons presentation is so disrespectful. Not only does it tell him that he doesn't matter, Gabor also tells the audience that his son doesn't matter.

@tnt01

Жыл бұрын

@@helenee.5462 I think it goes deeper that that. I say this with no judgement as I understand.

@desertboot9755

Жыл бұрын

@@helenee.5462 so true. I felt it and you could see it ripple through Daniel's body. His Father did that at the beginning - he set the tone here.

@zaraluz876

7 ай бұрын

Daniel keeps pointing to” him “every time not even naming “him “- Gabor, Dad… feels charged …. Pretty daring to be so exposed ( Gabor ) … the email writing thing was classic - and the laughing as a response was a passive aggressive response …it’s challenging … “If you feel enlightened- try being with your parents for a weekend .”( as the saying goes) I just wish forgiveness will keep deepening , and healing the wounds.

@robynhope219

6 ай бұрын

I don’t think there is a child on earth who does not feel resentment for parents.

Groan-up for the good vibes. 😂. Great conversation, relationship awareness. Brilliant

Thank you both so much... the responsibility you speak of also holds a lot of respect of both of you towards the other. A wonderful thing to witness... Thank you for your authenticity and for being so vulnerable!

I am very happy that you have made it possible for a wider audience to be able to see this. So thank you!

An awesome gift to everyone is Gabor Mate

❤Wow! When I saw the title my first thought was MUST semd this to my adult children!!!

Can’t wait for the book & book tour! ❤❤❤❤

You are so good .so well expressed .

I can't see my parents because it makes me too mad/sad. It's not fair, because they are totally decent people, but I feel betrayed by them. Sometimes, with other people, and intoxicating substances, it's not so bad. But now they're very old ,and I'm so worried that I'll regret not seeing them more, even though I'll regret seeing them in the moment. Daniel's story is incomprehensible to me, I think because we are fundamentally different personalities. I almost never argued with my parents. The one day I sent the kind of letter like Daniel has, is the day I stopped talking to them for years.

OMG I love it❤️

Thankyou so much you are both fabulous and have helped me understand so much ❤❤🦋🦋

Some very thoughtful comments here. I happen to be a big jimmy Dore fan so I’ve listened to Daniel a lot. He’s a man with strong, passionate opinions (that I totally jive with) and I’ve often thought what different personalities he and his father have. Relationships are an evolving process. With my adult children there is now a deep, and certainly for me, joyful friendship. Neither of them have a desire for their own children. And because as a parent you never entirely stop worrying about your children, my worry is that they will never experience the pleasure of this type of bond with and adult child. However, bottom line, great discussion!

@gabordanielmate

Жыл бұрын

thank you- by the way, Daniel's never been on Jimmy Dore. That's his brother Aaron. :)

Thank you! It's true that there's no absolute idealistic family who never quarrelled or fought. But it's also true that these conversations has to keep happening that the healings take place. Sometimes the healings could be instantly and at times it may take generations to to heal. Nonetheless, the mindfulness and empathy has to be practiced consciously unless it becomes a part of our unconscious/subconscious behaviour. Once again, thank you 🙂

@johnchacko1425

4 ай бұрын

no family is perfect

Big fan of your work together on this topic. How can one attend your next event? Thank you again for taking on this important work. There are so many of us out there struggling to love one another but yes, our history Is just loaded with complexity, and there’s so much to discuss, discover, forgive, rise above, grow from and into ..so we can reunite.. thank you. ,

Wow! I gained so much clarity into my relationship with my children through this workshop lecture. Thank you so much for your teachings❤

Thank you.

Expectations are reserved resentments I read that somewhere and find truth in it for me

@tootstoyou1

Жыл бұрын

That’s pretty damned profound ! Going to give that idea some more thought. ❤

Thx this was so helpful for me. Could emphatize with the feeling to be corrected by your father on minor issues just for the sake of using concepts in a superprecise way, or pointing out memories that didn't put you in the best light. I don't know if it was scripted or not but the last one, not Hammerstein but Porgy &Bess and than proving by Gershwin was the best example for me that roles are very difficult to break. Looking forward to more. ✨️

Thank you so much 🎩🙏🤗

Lovely! Tysm for this perspective. ~Mama of 4 adult children who are now becoming my best friends…it’s a wonderful thing

Brilliant. Thank you. I am on #2 of the series and i so appreciate your willingness and vulnerability. I am pondering my responsibility and whether i've forgiven my mum. also, i've recognized my sister's pain as definitely similar but also not my pain. i also have an intention this thanksgiving when we are together to keep the "good vibes." thank you.

Yes these talks are invaluable. But I sometimes think that sometimes it's just best to say nothing about an incident that triggers you in some shape or form as it can lead to the parent feeling as though they can't be they're authentic self. I am sure Gabor would have sent that email regardless if who was on the stage talking.sometimes as children we need to recognize that now as adults we are no longer the main focus of our parents lives. I know that Gabor has admitted to being a workaholic absent father with many hang ups and emotional issues of his own but he has tried to use those issues to help others and not to berate his son. I think and I don't mean be unkind to Daniel that one of his main issues with his adult relationship with his father in particular is that he feels that his father is more famous and has achieved more during his life time than Daniel himself has. There's an old saying that comparison's are odious . I think that they can also be very damaging to a person's own self esteem. It must be very hard for any chil born into a family where the parents are super famous and successful in the eyes of the world.

Thank you both for sharing your souls I'm sharing this with my husband and son They have alot of relationship issues that affect our family My prayer is they heal or get on the road to reconciliation And your truth telling is what so many need What a blessing Thank you again

So true !I have experienced it and it’s a case ditto as my children are bright and I have to imbody it for them .

Thank you for sharing and trying so hard to heal . It’s very daring to be so exposed . There is love and triggering … and it will hurt at times . Humans are so complex and you reveal it so well , and one can see the Love above all the pain and hurt.

This is the real deal...and tough. Thank you, Daniel, for your honesty. Great to hear of growth real time...if we could all do this more freely....I wonder what your 3 astrology signs are...? Sun moon.rising. Agree, roles can become a trap. Parenting is a role with functions underneath...relationship is the healthy side. Healing happens when two people are working towards same goal. Having healthy love acceptance of self first and letting go of any control...easier said than done...Daniel you will understand after having your own kids and especially when You are 70____. Life teaches us so much...not all at once, but over time. Our lesson is to learn to love, accept and be kind allowing others to do the same and in their own pace. Monumental challenge. Love you both, carry on...

Thank you 🙏 ❤

Yes, give up the role. That momma bear is immense and forever & ever it does seem. Thank you.

Amazing Yes when I stopped staying at my mom’s house - everything changed It was a choice to be with her at my own timing - Amazing thank you both - Family triggers are the way into the light ❤

Thank you so much ....I have been working on me not to be mother but to generate an authentic relationship with my sons ...., We have a lot of problems to solve yet .thank you

I want to see Gabor with his daughter.

very interesting. at first I felt they should carry their private process away from a group of people who paid great money to be there…and, to whom the attention should be on. But as a online listener to their introductions, I had a choice to stay or leave and I stayed. I did learn the value of stepping outside of the ‘role’ of parent with my adult child and the resentments I feel when I believe that role is still an active one. Perhaps this shift of perception will make all the difference for me now. I grew up traumatized and as a mother and I wondered what kind of burden my daughter felt as a result . Thank you Daniel for acknowledging this aspect of being Gabor’s son.

I know I was not the Loving Mother I should have been to my Beautiful Son Daughter, I can't use the excuse that my own childhood parenting was horrendous, & I continued that neglect to my own Beautiful Children. So heartbreakingly Sad😢😢 . Thankyou for your wisdom.

You have a beautiful Son, Gabor.

Daniel, being in Musical Theater, I have often thought of raising a child as the rehearsals of a play. And then the play begins. The director now must sit in the audience. Yes, there are intermissions! Hmmm! What to do during them? (So excited, I have just come upon Gabor Mate, and now with Daniel. All new to me, and I'm gaining so much.)

Thank you so much for DOING the gift of what’s difficult. The gift to us is healing Outloud! The answer to the last question about ‘is this healing really going to last, or will we go back to default setting’? and the answer, ‘have faith, this is good, live in it.’ Is dynamic dynamic good! Again thank you

Thank you Gabor and Daniel. Now l am initiating a healing process with my son due to your kindness of revealing you true selves. I am compelled to heal my trauma and also the trauma l created in him unknowingly. God bless you!! 1:01:44

Daniel is hilarious!

@robynhope219

6 ай бұрын

Yeah, he wasn’t abused.

Can anyone help me clarify I’m a little confuse with what Daniel says here (fast forward to 54:34). He said he’s not there at the event to help healing Gabor’s trauma. He said it’s not his responsibility and nothing to do with him. but the purpose he’s there as he said is for “Himself , Us(🤨) , and the world/people”. So the world can be his responsibility? but not his dad ? So does that mean he empathize with people but not his dad ? 🤨 And also I think it is inconsiderate to say that your dad trauma is not your responsibility and nothing to do with you. Where is the empathy/love? I’m not saying you are suppose to do the work for him to heal (which is Gabor would not want clearly because of his ability to empathize and be compassionate to Daniel) but of course Daniel can simply be compassionate and helpful especially when in need. Be supportive with a healthy approach be there for him to help him cure his trauma. We’re not talking to an extend where Daniel neglect himself or anything like that. Again empathize be compassionate in a healthy way. Be compassionate toward his dad and also himself, resulting to a healthy balanced approach And Gabor’s respond to what Daniel said was its not his son’s role to do anything like that at all, Is he saying Daniel are not supposed to be loving/empathising toward him ? Not to feel others pain and be helpful ? Like a normal human being. And also at some point Gabor or any human need a little bit of help/care/love and there’s nothing wrong to expect that and deserve to receive it. Again not saying Gabor supposed to expect Daniel to neglect his life and be there for him that’s different, that’s no compassion/narcissistic from Gabor’s end obviously, but simply being able to empathize toward him and be helpful and compassionate like a human being, approach the whole situation in a healthy way. To be understanding that his dad have trauma and how can I be helpful to heal that, and that also mean Gabor receiving care and love from his son. As every human being deserve, And with Gabor having a support from his son it could be more functional for him to heal. Love is beyond Since this is a online platform just a disclaimer I respect,love and appreciate this two being a lot.

While I like the idea of father and son being vulnerable and dissecting their relationship I find Daniel very intense and condescending to his father. Perhaps just my perception but he needs to tone it down a bit so he sounds more like an adult and not a bossy kid. 🙏

@robynhope219

6 ай бұрын

You think? I don’t see that!

@naomigore1642

5 ай бұрын

I think he is speaking his truth Sugar coating doesn’t help teaching people that they have certain feelings and in fairness he also talks about how he failed at times as a father. He also understands that his father was only as good a parent as his own parenting and he has done the same and acknowledges his own lack of responsibility . He loves his dad. But he also dislikes some behaviour which he too inherited.

@jodibenedetto190

5 ай бұрын

Agreed. Not quite sure if it’s jealousy or what, but Daniel is clearly angry. Gabor has shared many times mistakes and regrets as a father. Daniel seems a bit aggressive, I guess me being a parent of adult children my heart goes out to dr mate

@Theoccasionalcreator

5 ай бұрын

I think the point is, you cant really control other people and their personal insecurities. His behavior towards his father isn't personal. You can't take it personal and you need to be able to take responsibility and not be reactive. Part of how he behaves is also the child hood trauma he carries. His father knows his son better than we do.

@terrieanndiehl58

4 ай бұрын

My comment is repectfully for understandibg ~ i am not saying you are wrong in your setting daniels need to grow up a bit they are in the process of this difficult endeavour of very vulnerable places with each other & for the entire world to see & have opinions about. We do not know all there is to know. ~ we cannot judge others as we are not in their reality. We can learn much from their process bravely shared with all of us~ He experienced trauma of abandonment with his father being gone through most of his childhood~when he was home he was not emotionalky ptesent with his children he had not recovered from his own trauma yet Daniel is in recovery process of a 16 to 25 yrs old at his current mid adult yrs of 40 to 50 age~ i believe possibly you could look to why you are feeling he shoukd be anywhere else than exactly where he is. Whenever i am reactive to anohers behaviour it means i have issues i need to walk thru in my own Being & the other im teacting to are a trigger to look inside myself heal & balance my own belief systens & emotional response . The body knows everything we have been thru nothing is digits in the physical body memory. This is why we can begin ill from emotional stress trauma . We are bio~ spiritual & emotional humans & any imbalance comes from avoiding or not knowing how to balance all the pieces of our whole Being~ness. All our different aspects of being human are interdependent upon the other aspects. This is difficult in a wirks culture that has historically demanded we dismiss complete posts of ourselves. There is a time for setting aside a part of ourselves in a crisis etc yet if we desire to be healthy balanced while human being we must respect all aspects & return to acknowledge what we were forced to set aside for s moment. Respectfully ~ as o sm the trauma child & now parent & grandparent

HE FUCKING ABUSED ME. I'm left to suffer, and he has a replacement. He replaced me in an instant. But is it really him that I miss? Or was the attention, the drama, the fun, the excitement, the feeling that I had a purpose, a best friend, a partner... Simply intoxicating? FUCKING HELL WAS IT EVER INTOXICATING! He's given me SEVERE PTSD. I have debilitating paralyzing daily panic attacks. He raped my soul. He used me while he needed me and then discarded me like garbage. My soul is raped. When he'd get mad/upset/hurt/whatever: he'd give me the silent treatment. REMINDER TO SELF: Reasons for narcissistic silent treatment: * Stonewalling * Gaslighting * Emotional immaturity * Abuse * Lack of interpersonal skill * Victimhood * Dysregulation * Avoidant attachment style * Doing to me, what was done to him * Terrified of conflict * Not knowing any other way * Fear/panic/anxiety/terror * Felling incapable/not good enough * Desperation * Deliberate disrespect * Soul contract * Mirroring * Unavailability * (c)PTSD * Power over * Regaining a (false) sense of control * Punishment But he never really cared about me. He used me and discarded me. Replaced me so easily. Is he her best friend now? Or maybe is there even more between them? The PTSD is unbearable. He raped my soul: brutally viciously violently maliciously. Every night: nightmares. Every day: panic attacks. I want to die. God, as I walk through this hell and heartache and grief, I pray you guide me and direct me and hold me and heal me... Please please please please please HEAL ME! Please.

@floozyify

6 ай бұрын

What I have learned when I felt how you feel right now, is that my childhood trauma is what I am reexperiencing when I am in that relationship, I also subconsciously put myself in those relationships trying to fix what came before. The healing comes with the work i do, 1st by recognizing it. Then by forgiving myself for doing the things I've done, forgiving myself for only knowing what I knew at the time I was experiencing what I was experiencing. Then comes soul searching, and learning compassion and love for myself, a different love than the abusive one I was subjected to and adopted as a child, then, and only then when I feel these things for my own self can i learn to give them to my past people....this takes time. And work. And you are not missing the boyfriend really, but the love you didn't get as a child. TRAUMA. ♥