My mom doesn't like it when I'm happy. As a child I felt like I had to hide my happiness or bring it down a notch so that she wouldn't feel bad. Pretty crazy.

@CourageCoaching

Жыл бұрын

It is indeed crazy! Hugs to you

@krishnamayimarianni8026

Жыл бұрын

A very good description!

@someonerandom256

Жыл бұрын

Mine doesn't care if I'm happy or not.

@BobbiGail

Жыл бұрын

Right! If I was excited or happy, she'd ask if I drank too much caffeine.

@BanjoPixelSnack

Жыл бұрын

Me too. Exactly this. She would take any joy or enthusiasm as a personal attack and would be sure to ruin it for me somehow. But she also got angry if I was unhappy so I had to just be completely “blank” all the time.

I had no idea that mothers who don't want their adult children to move out of the house falls in line with narcissism. Wow!

@angelachen9449

11 ай бұрын

Actually, my mom is like this, she will do something like we are helping you for me to feel like I don't have to find job outside my home. Right now, I am hired by a organization as my sister's care giver because my mom telling the coordinator of my sister's program that I can do as part time with helping my sister at home. I don't know how to response when the coordinator see me and asked me if I want it.

@francesbernard2445

11 ай бұрын

There is mothers like that who exisst? What an ordeal that would be.

@Sngbrd1001

11 ай бұрын

My mother "kindly" ALLOWED my 31yo son and I to move into HER class C RV outside of her home after my husband passed away. We had to move from TN to do so, pretty much tossing the property I owned there to the wind as it had a reverse mortgage. I felt like it wasn't a HORRIBLE idea as my mom is getting older and I thought it best to be nearby in case she needed help. YEAHHHHHHHHH.... I didn't know my mother...AT ALL. For most of my adult life, our communication was typically OTP every few days or so. We lived 20 minutes from each other, but she only managed to make it out to my house about 5 times in the 22 years I lived there. I always found that peculiar but didn't really think much of it because we spoke OTP so often. Sept. 2022, Hurricane Ian destroyed EVERYTHING my son and I had as it was in her shed and got inundated with H2O all the way to the top. She never once showed any signs, other than annoyance, that she felt any sadness or remorse for what we'd lost. She was too fixated on complaining about the things of hers we were unable to salvage. It was mind boggling to watch her. After I started to SEE her for what she REALLY is, the resentment just boiled off of her regarding her ONLY CHILD, A DAUGHTER she, apparently, absolutely LOATHES. She was stealing my thoughts, twisting them into stories about herself or some non-existent "friend" and presenting them to me for my affirmation because she absolutely refuses to cultivate her mind with anything other than her money and candy crush type games. It was outrageous and disgusting to me. I was horrified and refused to give her the narcissistic supply she wanted. That was when the claws came out. We went on a 3-week vacay with her and her husband where they treated my son and I like tenant servants. By the end of it, I was a SEETHING pot of rage just waiting for an outlet. I got it when she got back and presented me with a bill for our 'share' of the costs. Mind you, we've been paying her $1200 a month to live In the same camper. The camper was used and needed a few things done, like replace the couch and levelers. I wanted to contribute, so I paid for them. There was a PLETHORA of things I paid for. I didn't realize she was using passive/aggressive techniques to control me by guilting me into paying for things for about a year because I'd had A LOT happen in that year. But after the way they belittled us, lied to us, acted enfeebled and called us obscene names for not kowtowing to her every whim, I blew my stack and left for TN w/my son when we got back. After the 4th time of her kicking us out for simply being normal to her insanity, I'd had it. My son wasn't privy to as much of the abuse, so he couldn't really see WHY I wanted out so badly. My son and I have nothing while my mother has money and she used her advantages to keep us there. She'd replaced her class C RV with a newer Class A, of which was mostly paid for by insurance as the hurricane totaled the C that was paid off and would have covered 3/4 of the cost. She financed almost all of it so she could keep the money and let US pay for it. He got worried about them a couple of days later, so we went back, me crying like a baby the entire way. My son is OBSESSED with owning a class A and she was using that by telling him he'd inherit it, which is highly doubtful as she is unable to fathom giving something to someone out of the kindness of her heart. Upon arrival back at her house, I was so depressed, my son whisked me off to another vacation, AT HER BEHEST. She was trying to drain our bank account to keep us trapped. That 2nd vacation was our salvation, as my son was able to finally hear and see her for the damaged and damaging individual my mother really is. We got jobs and a place where we went on vacation. I told her we were moving out in 5 days, the day we got back. Boy, oh boy, she melted down like a pyroclastic cloud when I told her my son and I were moving to a different part of the state. She tried every hoovering tactic she could and, when that didn't work, she kicked us out...again, calling me every name in the book, screeching at my son about how horrible of a mother and daughter I am, accusing me of being bi-polar when I told her she had NPD. When we left the first time, she thought I was going to my father (I haven't seen or spoken to the man in 30 years), so she called him and poisoned him to the point that he now no longer has a daughter because I DID reluctantly call him to see if he'd be willing to see me. His indifference for me hasn't changed in any way after they spoke. He can more easily write me out of any will now, I guess. Both of my parents disowned me because they're both 2 of the most selfish, venal people I've ever encountered. I'm a new Christian on top of all this, so HONOR your mother and father was a big deal for me. I'll honor them by remaining away from them, praying for them from afar and loving my Lord. I do not hate either of my parents. They're a product of their upbringing and the times. They choose to wallow, unabashedly, in their flesh. I don't need to validate their bad behavior by staying, allowing her to destroy myself and my son.

@alady09

11 ай бұрын

​@@angelachen9449tell the truth. Let your yes be your yes and your no be your no. Be honest, don't let anyone (or the desire to people please) speak for you. The truth will set you free. Much love.

@lauragraves4342

10 ай бұрын

Yep. Mine tried to convince me when I was 26 that if I moved out of the house, the cops would come and get me and put me in a crazy house. Because she was envious of me and wanted me to stay there and keep paying $350 a month for her bills and weed habit while she gaslit me and talked bad about me at my place of employment. She later denied ever saying it because of how it makes her look. I can't believe she thinks I wouldn't remember her saying something like that. Then, when i was having convulsions and a cold feeling brain/throwing up and couldn't eat for a week, plus other symptoms, she told me it was all in my head and I sign I was just mentally not right. Even pulled my doctor out of the room when I went to go see one with her and they came back in saying it is clearly all in my head and I need to see a therapist and take antidepressants, both of which I refused because I can see straight through her. They will try to convince you you're too mentally ill to make it away from them like mine did me for no reason.Turns out my current doctor referred me to a neurologist instead of crazymaking me.

"Emptiness" is spot on. Exactly how I've always felt. An empty shell of a person, never truly felt comforted by her hugs abd always have struggled even picking out a Mother's Day card. Constant gaslighting, emotionally immature, always about her. Moving far away was the best thing I could have ever done.

@RS54321

Ай бұрын

Yep, that emptiness feeling is bang-on. I liken it to an empty well...how can someone give you any comfort/support/attention/etc. when their well is totally dry and they never replenish it in a healthy way but expect you to fill it?

@kathylagreca9893

Ай бұрын

I can never pick out a mother's day card. I thought I was the only one.

The worst thing is having to pretend everything is ok in front of others from childhood. You learn it so young and continue until adulthood.

There is this message too from covert narcissistic mothers, "You can't be happy if I'm not happy and I'm not happy because you don't give me what I want". Crazy -making!

@annekincannon-kf3hx

Жыл бұрын

They are the most miserable people. Untrustworthy liars.

@beautifullthings

10 ай бұрын

Well damm

The first memory I have of my mothers' abuse was when I was very young, I think 4 or 5. And at the time I was very sad and crying. I said to her: "I am sad". She replied: "Me too". Then she walked away. I feel a void in my heart from that up to this day.

@CourageCoaching

Жыл бұрын

I am so sorry. Hugs

@sarahbreisch4750

Жыл бұрын

I'm sorry. I think it can be ok for a parent to let their child know they share feelings, negative or posiitve, and can empathise. But the parents HAS to bee bigger and stronger than the child! Can't just do what your mom did .

@omnisense5052

Жыл бұрын

​@@CourageCoaching Ok, so I have decisively left her now, after 45 long years. Accordingly to you and others on this topic it will get rough. And yeah ...I can sense it.

@CourageCoaching

Жыл бұрын

@@omnisense5052 Hang in there! You've got this!

@hollystevens316

11 ай бұрын

Ooofffff. That hit me :( I am sorry. That's hard. I suffered a very similar thing; being shut in my room calling out for her love, but it never came. Hang in there. I wish you peace. I hope you have people around you who LOVE you for who you are, no matter what.

My mother said to me last week: “I don’t know how you turned out so different from me. Must be your dad’s side of the family where you get your weirdness.” She is constantly surprised that I do things my own way, such as: career choices, clothes and makeup choices, where I live, how I eat, partner choices, housing choices, etc. I’m 53 years old, ffs. We haven’t lived under the same roof since 1988, of course I do things my own way, now.

@alisabella4535

Жыл бұрын

my mom hates my dad and whenever i remind her of him she will say “oh you’re just like your dad..etc” complaints making observations and lumping me and my dad into a category of a personality profile that she does not like and always tells me about it. i never hear anything she does like or appreciate about me. even when i cook a delicious meal she can’t even say that it tastes good. always criticism.

@LadyQInspires

Жыл бұрын

Omg yes!!! They will continually compare you to how you act because you are authentic wow! Ita always “I don’t know where you get that from, your dad” she does it to allllll of us im 31 now and my sister is 25 my 14 year old sister is finding out a lot now. She does it to her always comparing her children always!! And it sets us apart I never knew she was like this until now. They are so sensitive to the extreme they will know your filled with positive energy and blasts her problems on you! It is so draining

@LadyQInspires

Жыл бұрын

Even if you’re on the phone she will talk to you while your on the phone and be rude and talk loud so the other person can hear her it’s sickening she will literally demand you to do things her way for years I been told I was too sensitive cause I would quickly speak up to her at 31 now I understand and I just pray for her and I can’t hang with her like I use to I really can’t

@LadyQInspires

Жыл бұрын

Yes especially where I live ! If I say I don’t want to live there she thinks I’m going against her, now I choose to say okay mom thank you I’ll think about that

@jessegee179

Жыл бұрын

Bravo managing that pressure 👏👏👏 I moved away, best thing I've ever done

When they hurt you,they totally act oblivious the next days as if nothing never happened,it's just blows my mind 😞

I broke my jaw by falling down the stairs as a baby and my mom would tell other adults that I suffered a brain injury. This was nothing the doctor had suggested. She eventually started calling it a 10 second delay and if I did something wrong she would say “are you a ‘resource’ kid?” or “are you retarded?” My grades were generally A&B average but even then she felt the need to tell my teachers that I had a brain injury every single parent teacher conference. It always infuriated me and embarrassed me. She regularly made me question my intelligence as an effort to make me rely on her. My heart goes out to anyone who is watching this video, good luck in your journeys! Forget the unfair, untrue, and unrealistic narrative you were told as a child and be who YOU want to be!

@CourageCoaching

Жыл бұрын

I am so sorry for what you have been through!

@meganglynn6568

11 ай бұрын

holy shit. That is so awful. I'm so sorry you were embarrassed and made to question your own capabilities. Really really sad stuff. Reading your comment made my jaw drop.

@patrickedwards7107

9 ай бұрын

If it helps you in any way my mother shared a very similar dynamic. There is/nothing wrong with you likely your teachers and others who looked past that narrative knew you to be a very bright young person. I still struggle with wanting to have a "normal" personal relationship with my mother but know that it's something she mat never be capable of without becoming abusive these individuals seem to have no remorse no lasting empathy for how they may have behaved perhaps it's buried deep but I believe a person cannot process things until their able to admit unto themselves honestly stripped down to their core that they've been an abuser and desire to change don't spend your life searching for a whole hearted apology or living in that past place you deserve peace and you deserve to be happy.

@yvonneyvonneable

8 ай бұрын

Have you heard of munchausen by proxy? It sounds like that’s what your mom may have been doing

@cassiebennet4262

8 ай бұрын

That's blatantly evil. What she did.

You described my mother to about 90%. I went no contact with her almost 2 yrs ago. She is a miserable person and chose to hate my loving husband and made up lies about him for no reason. I will not tolerate her BS anymore. The stories are painful and endless. I am not in contact with my family as she has become the victim, and I am the scapegoat. Don't really care... they can have her. I am much happier with the Lord and my husband by my side. ♡

@purpleflame7705

Жыл бұрын

I doubt it was for no reason, the reason was probably because he likes you more than her, and she can't have anyone liking you more than her. I'm not sure exactly why but I guess I'm close. Anyway there's always a reason in there evil mind. There's a method to their madness.

@Rosearion

10 ай бұрын

I have the same story; went no contact 1 year ago. Dealing with the recovery. Blessings to you. Thanks be to the Lord.

@nateo200

10 ай бұрын

Yeah my mother threw a fit because she didn't want my dads girlfriend at the wedding and then accused me of being the one to say that. She constantlyy talks about how she hates my brother in law and then goes to I saying how great he is when she's done having a melt down. She has intefered with every relationship I've had including with my therapists. She also makes everything about race even when there is 0 evidence to support it. Someone made a sarcastic remark? Her response to a cop telling her to relax and take a breath was "That was code for 'be a good n----er and shut up' and you KNOW it"

@joseenoel8093

10 ай бұрын

My husband, who was my neighbour, knew him 7 yrs prior to marriage, well he's not perfect but I did get to escape them and mom too lied about him, saying he'd said my older bro stole money from him decades ago, I liked that my husband wouldn't suck up to her that way I wouldn't be around her as much, golden child gone copper!

@sarahbrown2646

8 ай бұрын

My mother is the same way. She even played our children against us. I know how feel. I have not spoken to her in 2 years

It took 59 years for me to figure out why I felt crazy whenever I was around her. My life is so much more calm and joy-filled now that I have stopped spending time with that toxic mess. This is so ON the money, it perfectly describes my mother.

@angelabarnes7588

9 ай бұрын

Yes, 59 yrs for me to figure it out, as well. 60 is speeding toward me. 2 1/2 months away. Figured it all out about 2 weeks ago. I don't want anything more to do w/her or my sister. My poor brother is getting hit hard by those two, but if I told him everything I think & believe, he wouldn't believe me. He's still in denial.

@neilchaplin8235

9 ай бұрын

Have just had the same realisation myself, was feeling guilty because I couldn’t understand my inner anger when around her !

@CM-it6op

9 ай бұрын

Healing from a CN mother at the age of 55 here! Only daughter with two brothers. Brothers don’t see it and they think I’m the problem!

@billstewart1747

9 ай бұрын

Ditto 😡

@Marie-ts8rp

6 ай бұрын

omfg YES! THIS EXACTLY!! The "nice act" so insidious!!! I feel so damn icky around her😢

Unbelievably concise. The added layer of martyrdom to a covertly narcissistic person is pure poison.

@bumblebee_mrs

6 ай бұрын

And crazy-making!

@ria2159

4 ай бұрын

I've always thought my mother's selfishness was to do with her schizophrenia, but recently I've come to realise that her behaviour outside of psychosis is extremely covertly narcissistic. My mother is also a martyr which, like you say, is pure poison and like @bumblebee_mrs says, "crazy-making".

@bumblebee_mrs

4 ай бұрын

@@ria2159 Thanks, my NM was also a martyr, exhausted me to bits. I'm sorry you went thru this too.

@sillysnaps

Ай бұрын

Yeah but again, within the martyrdom they can have this amazing talent for making you feel guilty or selfish for not sacrificing the way she would...by showing how hurt she is

Sadly it has taken me 46 years, 2 abusive and toxic marriages and seeing the narcissistic abuse start to happen to my children before I realised what the woman I was born to was capable of. No contact was the most liberating decision I have ever made and is giving me space to heal and find out who I actually am.

My mother is a covert narcissist but she’s not an introvert. She’s an extrovert who acts differently behind closed doors. This is spot on though, so much of it.

@ljo0605

Жыл бұрын

Same here, I would say the covert is that her tactics are more subtle and passive aggressive.

@juniperwool

Жыл бұрын

yep...same here.

@Annalenalovemusic

Жыл бұрын

I know.bless you❤

@godsunrelentinglove

11 ай бұрын

Same here, super extraverted, party planner fun mom out in public

@Amanda-cn3pk

10 ай бұрын

Sometimes coverts are also histrionic

My mum is also a covert narcissist and it has been awful..I never felt comforted by her and was constantly supporting her through my childhood! Thanks for the video!

@ca6248

Жыл бұрын

I can relate to you. This is how it was for me.

@Jasonk24

Жыл бұрын

@@ca6248 It's awful isn't it?

@mayyourwishesallcometrue

Жыл бұрын

Yes!!!

@gbluesky4264

Жыл бұрын

So sad that you had to suffer through this as well..Peace and healing to you

@katiehorneshaw995

Жыл бұрын

Yep, same. You having emotions makes them uncomfortable and even angry. But when they're upset, including when they are having a meltdown because you dared to tell them something they did hurt you, you are expected to support and comfort and listen to them. You end up comforting your mother for the fact that they hurt you.

As a child, if you grew up seeing a nurturing woman and wishing that she was your mother, then that’s definitely a sign that you had a narcissist mother. Mine always tried to destroy my friendships from the age of 10 until I finally got the memo and just stopped bringing people around. Eventually, she would “throw in my face “ that I had no friends. But that wasn’t the case, I simply caught on and just hid my friendships. When I had surgery, she was shocked that I had good friends who would visit me at the hospital. My parents would fawn at how beautiful my friends were. And when they didn’t see them, they would weirdly ask me “ are you not friends anymore?” Why would any sane person ask such a question??? What’s odd is that, she’s like the pillar of the community and has so many friends all over the world but she somehow always felt that she had to gatekeep “friendship”, like only people liked her but not me. I’m in my 30’s now and looking back I always thought that was weird behavior from a parent as a child but it’s hard to see clearly when you’re in the thick of it. Another trait is: Chaos & Havoc. My mom would come home from church and start fights. She loved calling the police because she always needed an audience when dishing out humiliation. Growing up, I knew that she was off, there were so many instances of craziness but I just had to bid my time and grow up to leave and reparent myself. I never felt the intimate bond of mother/daughter. Crucial trait: lack of depth, selective memory and triangulation amongst siblings. Over the years, I’ve tried to maintain a “relationship” with my parents. Due to the cycle, I recently dissolved the our relationship for good. Between dealing with a narcissist husband and my parents, it all become too much for me and it just clicked. I don’t communicate with anyone anymore, indefinitely. The relief I feel significantly outweighs the occasional sadness and loneliness. Being the offspring of narcissists, I subconsciously became a narcissist magnet. I’ve become “sensitive” and could sense them but never really knew that it was narcissism. I just recall that their vibe feels “familiar”. That familiarity is dangerous, it means that we were groomed for narcissistic abuse. My awakening has happened recently, and I’ve since identified that my mom is a narcissist, so my boundaries have increased and are enforced. Narcissists hate boundaries.

@CourageCoaching

Жыл бұрын

I am so sorry for your experience..We were definitely groomed for narcissistic abuse from our childhood and the fact that it feels familiar is what makes it so dangerous! Thank you for sharing!

@ronesss33

Жыл бұрын

Wow this comment really resonates with me. Whilst I am yet to physically untangle myself from my narc ties I am gradually withdrawing from them emotionally and socially. I believe they call it the ‘grey rock method’ As I do not trust myself to choose healthy relationships right now I instead focus on my pets who bring me great joy and get me out of bed each day 😻🐶🐶

@teralecole316

Жыл бұрын

@@ronesss33 I was exactly at that stage your current in only a two months ago. Getting out of bed was hard and my grief manifested suddenly in lower back pain. The storm has passed and today, I feel better…. Like the fog is lifting. Take it day by day…. Literally. I’ve enlisted the help of energy healers to heal my chakras because as well as therapy. But sometimes, therapy has its limits. I’m also looking into microdosing shrooms to help repair my brain. I can’t believe that I’m trying alternative methods and treatments to heal myself. I was the kind of person that wouldn’t even take aspirins for headache.

@rapidcreations4980

Жыл бұрын

​@@ronesss33 same I feel like I can only make friends once I'm mentally healed, until then I'm not gonna risk being hurt again

@nateo200

10 ай бұрын

OMG This is my mom to the letter. She'd call the police and then get arrested for things like oh assaulting two cops, domestic violence, harrassment, etc. and then say that we called the police and we cheering them on while they beat her even though it was on 5 different body c ameras and my phone. But yes I had a psychiatrist who was textbook NPD and I got the vibe the moment I met him but I ignored it...fast forward 3 years later and he was regularly storming out of sessions, yelling, crying, acting passive aggressive to the point of being forced to resign abruptly. These people are satan incarnate.

I felt like you were describing my own mother exactly. I'm 52 years old and have had therapy on and off for years to deal with the trauma of both of my parents' narcissism and abuse. My father passed away several years ago, but my mother is still living. The hardest part for me is continuing to wish I had a real mother. I don't think that feeling is ever going to go away. My mother talks nonstop and acts like she thinks she is the popular girl at school. She's extremely immature and self-centered. Now that she is in her 70s, she clearly thinks that I and my two sisters should be doting on her. She's a constant "victim" and never, ever takes any accountability toward her own part in things that have happened in her life. The second hardest part for me is knowing that so many people buy into her lies.

@franciscoafonso4992

Жыл бұрын

You just described my mother. My father was the opposite and didn't have a say in anything or maybe after a while he just didn't care. He was a really good person but unfortunately died 10 years, and she's become more and more narcisistic after his passing, which is pathetic since she's in her 70s.

@jackhhun2698

Жыл бұрын

I think thats just women from that time they never had to take responsibility they were allowed a lack of accountability because all they did was stay in the kitchen now women have that same attitude with responsibilities and its really hurt the economy

@justmy2cents652

Жыл бұрын

I can second that. People still buying into her lies. But those women feel so confident in their lies, they lied their whole life and it comes totally natural to them. There is no shame or taking responsibility, just more lies and gaslightning. It can drive one nuts.

@jackhhun2698

Жыл бұрын

@@justmy2cents652 It really makes you go like society cannot function with these people if there is anyone that it should be legal to kill its those types of people. Its why I leave serial killers who kill certain groups alone and give em a thumbs up. I honestly think we need them for society to function

@beverleybenjamin3648

Жыл бұрын

I feel as you do about wishing I had a real mother. I often used to be surprised when others expressed their love for their mothers and hated myself for not loving mine. I eventually worked out that I actually do love her in a way but I hate her actions and that I would never have her approval no matter what I did to make her happy. I have to look after my own happiness especially under the circumstances I am now living. She is 87, I am 66 and my brother is 62. We are all living at present in my 2 bedroom home. My brother sleeps in the lounge but he is needed because my mom will insist on telling the whole neighbourhood that I beat her up. So my brother is cooking and caring for her since she trusts him more than me. Sorry this was in reply to the gentleman in his 50's response.

I had a covert narcissistic mother. She has forbidden me every hobby I was interested in. She discouraged me in every talent I had. She has removed from my reach all people who could have given me help. That's a typical behaviour. Because such people could be dangerous to her. Because they could give encouragement. When I had a child, she programmed the child against me. The compassion I had for her only made me an easy victim for her. It wasn't until I was 52 that I was able to grasp that it was a covered narcissist mother. What I'm dealing with. Thank you for sharing. Any support from Trauma Networking is important.

@Atheistbatman

Жыл бұрын

Very similar and in age as well

@sophieunusual

Жыл бұрын

Similar! My mom told us college was a waste of time and money because she never got her degree (too much work I think). I wasn’t ready for adulthood at all and was afraid of anything and everything. Crippled by the amount I didn’t know and knew I wasn’t ready for, but I was the age to graduate and supposedly move out. My mom never mentioned my future self. Her advice to me when I graduated high-school was that I didn’t have to grow up and could stay little. I pity it now that I have separation from her (at age 29, married with three kids). She had no clue how horrible she was for me as my mother. She still feels entitled to my kids despite never caring for me. I had to cut contact because it was killing me mentally into physically making me ill. I thought it was my fault and everyone treated me subtly like it was my fault. When I admitted into the hospital for it, my mom watched our kids. She never asked me about it and purposely didn’t tell my family members. Not a soul from my family reached out to me when I got out of the hospital. Finally it clicked that she was the main trigger for my mental illness issues. Once I started tell people the truth about my history with my mom they all told me it was my personal issues and that I was delusional. I was gaslight by everybody except my Dad who listened to me (praise God!). Without him and without my amazing supportive husband, without God providing for me through these men and many more good thoughtful friends/professionals, without the help I literally wouldn’t be here. But I’m so happy now! I’m learning how to be a better person and how to be less hard hearted. I’m learning what trust looks like and how to love and receive love 💕 I’m so incredibly grateful that I am not alone in this situation. Sometime I have to read everybody’s comments so I know I didn’t misread things.

@aburrage7697

Жыл бұрын

Yes

@Janis_Even

Жыл бұрын

@Sophie Unusual it's good that the situation turned around. My dad was not listening to me. Both of my parents have forbidden me my talents. My dad promoted the brother. He told me many times that women are stupid like sh*t. He was the enabler parent. For the narcissistic parent. But even if everything went wrong. I'm still alive and slowly seeing through.

Why can't you be more like... It has taken me decades to realize I was rejected repeatedly as a child by a bitter, miserable mother, and it has affected my life profoundly. She has no idea she was toxic as she was too busy blaming me and my father for being the problematic ones. Doing everything I can to make sure my children know they are loved and valued for who they are as individuals.

my mom has never been supportive of me and does not love me unconditionally. i have always felt stifled by her presence and that i was not allowed to be me, she wanted me to be like her and if i did not fit the narrative i would be passive aggressively punished for it. she did the silent treatment often and would act more cold to me when i wasn’t being who she wanted me to be. i was not allowed to choose my own clothing, or haircuts, i was not allowed to paint my nails or express myself in any way without her permission or stamp of approval. she decorated my room in her style and i wasn’t allowed to put my art on the walls or personalize it to a space of my own. my entire childhood felt like a prison and i never understood why because on the surface everything seemed normal but inside i always felt a pain and an emptiness and no warmth.

@CourageCoaching

Жыл бұрын

I am so sorry for your experience!

@amberinthemist7912

Жыл бұрын

Wow. My mom did the exact same. Picked all my clothes, my grooming, all media I consumed, all decorations in my room. I've never understood it.

@sarahbreisch4750

Жыл бұрын

@@amberinthemist7912 One of my fondest memories of my late dad was him taking me to the hardware store so I could make a custom paint color for my room, I was 9 years old. total opposite of my mother. He must have struggled so much with her, I never thought about it. He would just do whatever he wanted it seemed, will nilly, probably to keep sane. I recently realized I probably dress so plain and in black all the time because of my long habit of not wanting to be looked at. Anything that made me stand out brought unwanted attention from mom.

@amandabeachum188

11 ай бұрын

I am constantly saying my mother is smothering me too. I have to keep it a secret where I am going because she will show up. She wants to insert herself into every facet of my life. I can't get any space of my own and I am 46 freaking years old.

@sarahbreisch4750

11 ай бұрын

@@amandabeachum188 move many states away if you can. it has helped me but not fixed everything! I also just unfriended her on social media. I'm 41.

Ding! Ding! Ding! This is 100% my story with my mother. I've never heard anyone else talk about the empty hugs. It was routine, not warm. I thought I was the problem. I was raised to be her best friend. By eight years old, I was counseling her. I'm still digging and assessing the depth of this. Final thought, the enmity she put between me and my sister left us estranged. She could never have a good relationship with us both at the same time. I've known that for years; I just didn't know why.

I was my mother’s mother my whole childhood and now I’m setting boundaries because I understand her she does not like it at all. It’s such a battle since I’m still young (23) and I achieved so much more than her it’s is an uphill battle every single day. Stay strong guys 💪🏼

@josierose8

Жыл бұрын

You're blessed to have an awareness of this at such a young age. You've saved yourself decades of pain, suffering, toxic relationships etc.

@bigsistahtips

Жыл бұрын

Be strong, sweetheart. You can do this!

@danielkujawski4098

Жыл бұрын

I am 21 and a male. The disgust and betrayal I feel after realizing the way me and my siblings were manipulated for years is sickening and violating. It’s awesome you’re able to heal from this keep it up !!

@daodejing81

10 ай бұрын

Never take up another's burdens.

@hannamaria5618

9 ай бұрын

Please never let her meet any children you might have. I didn’t and avoided so much pain I see in support groups.

Everything you describe is my mother. Every single thing. I’m in process of no contact finally at 49. I’m having to do it gradually and subtly because she creates such chaos and sabotages me so badly that I suffer for years. I’ve been scared to do this as I am chronically I’ll (from all my narcissistic family members) and she will send me into the hospital from the stress if I am not very careful. Just have to get back on my feet and then I can let go completely. She has sabotaged my whole life and I’m turning 50 this summer and have to rebuild myself and my life from scratch. Thank you 🙏

@CourageCoaching

Жыл бұрын

I wish you the best of luck on your journey of recovery! It is never too late to reach that place of peace.Hugs to you

@JonathanMulderMarston

Жыл бұрын

I can totally relate to your challenges - especially with chronic health issues. Hang in there, fellow human!! You got this!!

@VeganTrove

Жыл бұрын

❤❤❤

@Annalenalovemusic

Жыл бұрын

❤oh lord its the same evil person as mine.😢bless you

@LN-pm5yl

Жыл бұрын

I can really relate. Im 43 and finally serious about boundaries. Ive tried in the past and she caused so much drama that I relented, but she continues to rip open old wounds so I am serious this time. Best of luck to you!

Never have a watched a video where I recognize that someone I know (in this case my mother) checks ALL of the boxes. Some of the things you said in this video I have almost said verbatim throughout my life to friends, family, and therapists. My therapist yesterday suggested that my mother shows characteristics of a covert narcissist, which brought me here.

Ah. It just clicked as to why my mom never liked any of my friends. She would never say why she didn't like them, or help me see why they might be trouble, but would just tell me I should stop hanging out with them. All of them. So I never introduced any of my friends to her, and she believed I had no friends. Which I think made her happy.

This is actually insane. I can’t believe how validating it is to watch this wow.

This is 100% my mom. I feel like you have known her my whole life. She is the reason I am in therapy and why I left home at 17 and honestly I have no idea how to handle her behavior either personally or in public. Almost all of my stress comes from her and watching this both reassured me and made me want to cry.

That was a good analysis. My mother is a covert narcissist. I went no contact before I even really understood narcissism. 15 years with minimum talking. When I moved closer to where she lived it didn’t take long before she started interfering with my fiancé. When my fiancé died unexpectedly, at my weakest point she made her move. As I started to thrive after a long while she sabotaged me financially , moved a thousand miles to where one of my brothers lived to isolate me, make much harder to move back. When I did leave , she moved back where I went. It’s embarrassing this evil pathetic person could cause so much damage. I’m 50,still stuck with her. I know how you should deal with a narcissist but, I’m so angry I tell her exactly what she is. It’s pathetic to Watch a narcissist deflate when you actually tell them exactly what they are. It’s not even satisfying. My advice, once you break away, never ever go near them again. Thanks for listening to this rant, I have absolutely no support system

@CourageCoaching

Жыл бұрын

I am so sorry for all you have endured. You deserve better!

@bjpm562

Жыл бұрын

You do deserve. Good luck remember you are not alone.

@LittleLulubee

Жыл бұрын

GO- I’m so sorry for the loss of your fiancé. I also have an evil, pathetic, covert narc mom, who has been sabotaging me my entire life!! 😭😭 I also have no support system-I’m totally alone and I don’t trust anyone.

@GOnone-yk1to

Жыл бұрын

Thank you for the kind word in regards to my fiancé. I’m sorry to hear you had to endure the insidious abuse of having this type of mother. It’s heartbreaking to hear you have no support system, I know exactly how lonely and devastating it is to be in this situation. I hope somehow your (mine) situation will improve. Stay strong

@LittleLulubee

Жыл бұрын

@@GOnone-yk1to I hope so, too- for both of us. Take care 🌸

What stands out to me when i think back to my childhood and my narc mother is how much of a confusing time it was for me. I grew up thinking her narcissist abuse was normal as well as her delusions and weird beliefs and interests. It was through exposure to other people's lives that i began to understand that something was not right about my own life but, being young, i lived in denial of my reality and as a result, i had a very socially isolated childhood. I will forever resent her for destroying me on the inside in ways i am still healing from today at age 30

My amazing Dad passed away when I was 39. I Loved him so much. I mentioned to my mom that I wanted to read a short eulogy at his service. She said absolutely NOT. Only your sister can say a eulogy. My sister is the golden child and I’m the scapegoat. So I said “mom… I just lost my Dad… please let me say a few words about him”. She replied…. Oh it’s always ALLLLL about YOUUUU isn’t it Erica. I will never forget that. Terribly hurtful. She didn’t care at all that I was dying inside and completely heart broken over the loss of my Dad.

@CourageCoaching

Ай бұрын

I am so sorry to hear this! She was projecting onto you as narcs always do! You didn’t deserve that! Hugs to you!

@juliekay7697

6 күн бұрын

Oh my goodness, my mother said those words to me often! When she was diagnosed with cancer I went to visit her in the hospital and asked if she wanted to see her grandchildren (We lived a long ways away from her, so a big endeavor to visit) and her response was, It's always about you, isn't it? I left the hospital a different person, never to go through that again. When we were discussing when she and my father get elderly who will take care of them. I said I will always take care of you and dad being that at that time I lived very close to them and my siblings were in other parts of the world. Her reply, you can't even take care of yourself, how would you take care of us. Such a bitch lol I was a successful single parent, owned my own home, worked full time, took care of my children, pets, garden and home. So unkind. The list goes on and on and on. I feel you and sorry that you also had to experience their bullshit.

Thank you for making this video. Growing up & recently I felt as if I was alone in this. As a society and my parents always told me “respect your parents” but never gave me the respect as I did them. My mother has always been jealous of all my accomplishments. Buying a house with my husband, getting married, graduating college, & now we have a baby girl on the way. Over a year ago I decided to cut my parents off for good. Many critize me for doing this. “How could you?” “Those are your parents!” “You are taking your child away from having grandparents”, I am taking my child away from a toxic repetitive cycle. That’s what I am doing. It was the hardest decision I had to make, but it was the best for my overall health & marriage. Thank you thank you for sharing your story. ❤

@rashkehof2458

Жыл бұрын

Congrats Alli, for being able to make this healthy and strong decision!! 🧡

@ronesss33

Жыл бұрын

Well done - better to do it at this stage of life than later - as they have more time to infect your marriage, your children and make you feel indebted to them when they are older and need care. They do not become sweet old ladies (except in front of others) and will suck up all your time and energy so that you cannot live your life. Using guilt inducing language and tactics to keep you under their control. They will also rally their troops so that they make sure you are not ‘neglecting’ this poor selfless, amazing woman who has given her life to make you the person you are today (according to her). Well done for having the fortitude and strength to make this decision now - unlike myself and others who in mid life regret the fall out and struggle to deal with the ongoing pain and trauma. All the best to you and your family 😻

@senadatabic197

Жыл бұрын

You did great for your unborn baby

@pechaa

Жыл бұрын

You’re an inspiration! Well done. You’re wise beyond your years.

@yvonneyvonneable

8 ай бұрын

I think a part of me hasn’t started that chapter because I don’t want to face her reaction/involvement in it. It’s like I’ve wanted to get her away so I can live. Reading what you wrote helps. I do wonder if cutting off will help me live my life.

My covert NM ruined my relationship with my father, brother and everyone else that I came close to...She even tried to ruin my relationship with my daughter. My daughter too smart, she stays away from her grandmother. The point you made about gaslighting towards the end and how she never remembers things the way you do is so spot on, exactly how I feel with almost every sad incident in my life.

My mom would plan parties for me I didn't want all throughout my childhood and then tell everyone how spoiled I was for not liking them. I got so much social anxiety from being forced to endure unwanted attention. At my wedding, she cried to everyone how horrible I was for not spending all my time with her when I had clearly explained to her months prior that I had preparations to get done that week, but she still invited herself a week early. She then proceeded to call me bridezilla the entire time to everyone after I asked her to please stop causing drama and lying about me. From that day forward, she was the big victim of the spoiled daughter who mistreated her at her wedding. 😭 The crocodile tears she could muster up out of nowhere were quite the performance.

@CourageCoaching

Жыл бұрын

I am so sorry your mother made your wedding day so uncomfortable and didn't treat you in a healthy manner over your life so far. Hugs to you

@SgtD1981

Жыл бұрын

I’d go no contact if I were you. I’ve done it with my mother. She will never change and will never be supportive without conditions.

@bigsistahtips

Жыл бұрын

Mine too!!! In Latin America, it's widespread to celebrate your 15 birthdays. It started as a misogynistic tradition, but nowadays, it's just an excuse to throw a big party. I told my parents I didn't want it because I preferred using the money for a 1-year student exchange experience (in Australia or NZ) to improve my English and increase my work and academic possibilities. Which, funnily enough, was cheaper. She got so upset and started saying that I was a brat and who did I think I was. And then, when I finally bent to her likes, she said, "Why didn't you speak before? you should talk more!" I talked, but you didn't like the answer. She'd say, "Any kid would love to have a great party", as if I wasn't normal for not having her taste. It was so stressful every time I tried opening my mouth to express my feelings, she'd always say something diminishing to belittle me. People always took her side. Very few friends saw the real her.

@sarahbreisch4750

Жыл бұрын

My whole childhood I was told by my mother, and so believed, "you're so shy". At 40 years old I know better, I do like quiet and being alone but I love people. I lover meeting new people and having conversations. What I did not love was, like you, being forced into social situations I did not ask for, all the while feeling that the attention being thrust on me was, in fact, for her. So when I "was shy" I was bringing shame to her. I got spanked once for hiding under the couch, crying, when people sang happy birthday to me. I said I didn't want this party but I got it anyway. Then I was punished for not acting right. Good Lord. Yeah my husband and I got married in my friend's yard, hundreds of miles from my mother.

@tc106

Жыл бұрын

​@@SgtD1981 100%, I did it 30 something years ago and have never looked back. These type of people are some of the most aggressive people you will ever meet. The only difference between them is that they go into victim mode when they want to get aggressive and they always play to their audience. So if you lose your cool in anyway they win. They may even embellish or outright lie in order to get more sympathy. The best revenge is to go no contact. It deprives them of all supply. No matter what you do they're always going to smear you in some way. The only difference is if you get rid of them; you won't have to listen or put up with it.

For a long time I’ve been suspecting on/off that my mother may be a narcissist when I thought it was just my father. I’ve read Gibson’s Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents and she fits a lot of those traits to a T. But this video really made me pause, because I’ve been confused these past couple of days. She’s clingy and is always interested in where I am but never asks how am I doing unless she wants me to do something for her. Thank you for this video, because it really makes me understand the painful truth: the constant guilt tripping and blaming me for being stuck in the past after confronting her about the emotional abuse, are all signs that she may be narcissistic 😢

@mikewilkins2030

Жыл бұрын

Same here! Mine is evil! She just knows how to hide, but she is the ring leader. My whole life i thought my dad overt was the devil, but its this woman, my own mother! It’s sickening and I hope the Creator cuts her life early! She is hell!

@rapidcreations4980

Жыл бұрын

"what so it's my fault you're like this?" Yes and now that I know that, I wanna change

@nitareckonkeys

11 ай бұрын

Or BorderlinePD with narcissistic tendencies.

@jaelee4244

8 ай бұрын

Oof..... the "being stuck in past" part hits hard. No, we're not "stuck" in the past, the hurt is there. It's always been there.

Giving birth doesnt make you a mother. I was made the family scapegoat by my loveless self-important covert narcissist "mother". Such great damage done to my sense of self, self-esteem, and feeling of wellbeing. I hope one day by some kind of means, she has to feel all the pain she has orchestrated in her selfish, manipulative life. I know she suffered trauma in her childhood, but this is no justification for her insidious behaviour. To be this calculated in her long-term systematic abuse is totally indefensible. At 48 years old I have finally had enough and have entirely woken up, and she can tell. There was a recent threat pertaining to be written out of the will. This was the last straw for me, its not that I care about the money, I am prepared to forfeit any inheritance in place of my freedom. It was a confirming and revealing moment for this to happen, it was so clear it was their last trump card to try to control me, because they could sense I was gaining my own strength of character and resisting their rules. It has also become apparent what role extended family and siblings have played in this dynamic so I have cut these people out of my social sphere as well. You have to lose it all, but you gain your sanity and freedom. Do it soon, wake up quick and reclaim your life while you still have time.

@brittanyc27

Жыл бұрын

I went no contact with my CN mother when my 1st son was born because I wanted to protect him. It's now been 5 years, and I dont regret my decision to go no contact 1 bit. I now struggle with being happy for my siblings' accomplishments because she always put us against each other, competing to be her favorite and feeling like #1 in her eyes. Im fully aware of my emotions and that it's not right to not be happy for siblings' accomplishments, and my brain was trained to think this was by my CN mother. How do I rewire my brains immediate response to be happy and feel joy for them instead of the instant jealous/competitive feeling when some thing good happens in my siblings' lives? Even though deep down I am truly happy for them and love them very much!

@HeartFeltGesture

Жыл бұрын

@@brittanyc27 You can only be conscious and aware when that tendency arises, and to recognize it not as your own but what was instilled in you. It will subside more and more as you simply observe it without being negative towards yourself for noticing it.

@donapaulin2600

Жыл бұрын

Sounds like we have had very similar experiences. I have been in and out of therapy ever since I was 15 years old. Narcissist’s can cause damage that is very challenging to resolve, and unfortunately I ended up marrying one. Ending that 23 year mistake soon.

@jackhhun2698

Жыл бұрын

Yep I hate how women say they're special cause they can give birth. We have artificial wombs now you're Not special to begin with misandrist

@HeartFeltGesture

Жыл бұрын

​@@donapaulin2600 Yes, the abuse is all very similar, they say narcissists worldwide appear to have all read from the same playbook, which is a phenomena worth investigating in itself. I had a string of emotionally distant and narcissist partners (8 years the longest, with a covert narc), this is what lead me to join the dots back to my family (with the help of psychologists on KZread) and covert narcissist mother and realize I was the family scapegoat who had been groomed to accept abuse and have no boundaries and had my personality invalidated which resulted in terrible self-esteem, depression and anxiety. There is a stigma in society against criticizing mothers and a belief that women arent abusive. This needs to be corrected, the amount of female abuse of males goes unaccounted for because males dont report it out of shame. The female narcissist knowingly leverages these societal stigmas and taboos to their advantage, hiding behind the nurturing image of a woman / mother. They have 2 faces, the demon and the saint, one for public, one for behind closed doors. My weak enabling stepfather and 2 sisters were also implicit in the scapegoat abuse, they were manipulated and brain-washed by my mother to do so, but they also had many chances not to do it and see the toxic dynamic, but they all prefer to keep it all going because it suits them, at least they arent the scapegoat. So in the end I had to distance myself from all of them. There was extended family also involved, my stepfathers sister turned out to be narcissistic (makes sense because he is weak and subservient and was likely the scapegoat of his own family, he had alcoholic parents, so did my mother) and be in league with my mother, gossiping and swapping information about me. I noticed some toxic behavior from her and joined the dots there also. It really was a matter of puzzle pieces that made a picture in the end, and the picture was ugly, but also liberating.

Oh I so relate to what you say. I actually don't recall my mother holding me as a child. The rare hugs I know now were if she needed one herself, energy.

@juliejohnson3835

10 ай бұрын

I remember as a child saying I love you, trying to get a response. You couldn't drag it out of her, so I just quit trying. Now, she is the one who needs it.

@BK-ph2yn

8 ай бұрын

The only time I remember my mother ever touching me was when she hit me as a punishment. She would grab my upper arm to hold me still then beat me but never with her hand because that hurt her. Her favorites to use were a yardstick, plastic spatula, hairbrush and a belt. I didn’t get empty hugs I never got any hugs at all

This describes my mother exactly, thank you for the clarity. I wasn't sure about being a Narcissist, because she is childish/victim so often. I'd like to add secrecy, being fake posh, gossiping the negative, moving house a lot, and bizarrely rude to innocent retail staff. Mother's Day is coming up, best wishes everyone x

@clarestrong6298

Жыл бұрын

This also perfectly describes my mother saying I make her ill…unbelievable she is awfully toxic

@amandabeachum188

11 ай бұрын

My mom is also extremely rude. It's embarrassing and makes being around her in the presence of other people awful.

@Courtney23932

8 ай бұрын

Yo that being fake posh got me rolling 🤣

@laney4282

7 ай бұрын

Haha mine is exactly this including fake posh 😂

This is so accurate it’s scary, I have had no contact with my narcissistic brother for over a year and am now realizing he is cut from the same cloth as my narcissistic mother. She deflects and avoids any accountability like a child. Always has an excuse when you call her and has no respect for my household and does many little things her way even after multiple requests to stop. She has also gone mute and left my house when I catch her doing something immature or child like that she knows we have told her not to do, and retreats because she is too uncomfortable to communicate at all. Through text in an argument she will never directly respond to a text, basically say something completely unrelated and over the phone shout and not allow you to speak. My wife and I have been dealing with her for years but as she’s gotten older it’s much much worse.

Spot on. Sounded like you were talking about my covert mother. When I’d go to my mother with a problem, she’d use my emotions against me to make the matter worse. Word salad, gaslighting, and anything to cause cognitive dissonance.

@CourageCoaching

Жыл бұрын

Yes, unfortunately it is heartbreaking as many of us will never know the true nature of a healthy, loving mother.

Nearly, everything you mention has been my experience with my own mother. Her needs and wants and feelings always came first and foremost. If there was a conflict or something I needed, forget it. It was always my fault and if I pushed things or tried to insist on certain things it would often resort to yelling, verbal assaults, name calling and guilt making tactics. I was never allowed to speak or complete a thought or sentence but I was expected to be obediently silent while she spoke or I was accused of interrupting and not letting her speak. The relationship I had with my sister has long been sabotaged and we haven't spoken directly, in years. It's all very sad and looking back over 54 years I never fully realized that narcissism was the issue, until this year. It's very isolating to be the adult child of a narcissist. After a lifetime of having to put my needs and feelings on hold to keep the peace, it feels ominous to even discuss the issue with anyone. No one who hasn't experienced it would believe it and just like so many other people I'm sure, I often question my own perceptions (did that really happen?) Sadly, it did...

This describes my Mother Thankfully at the age of 61yrs old I moved (on my own )300 miles away to live near my brother and also to get away from her It’s the best decision I’ve ever made My life is so much better and I’m happier than I’ve ever been. And the best part is…. She’s fuming that neither of her children want to live near her. Xx

Just lost my own covert narco mom, and your testimony helps me miss her less. Thanks.

Thank you for this video. I’ve blamed myself so much for the narc abuse from my mother and I am finally realizing what she is, this is 100% her. I was the scapegoat child. She’s gaslit me into believing I caused my own mental illness, killed our family cat, intentionally makes me angry for her own gratification (I have BPD) never wanted to teach me life skills then complains when I mess up in life, gossiped to her friends about me telling them I’m just mentally ill but never her contributions to that, said I need to be in a home for people like me, pitted my siblings against me, gaslit my abuse etc. Her mother is a narcissist and she grew up to be exactly like her mother. I refuse to be the same to my children.

@CourageCoaching

Жыл бұрын

I am so sorry for the awful abuse you endured!

@threefreaksonaleash6619

Жыл бұрын

Same. Our mothers could be great friends 😒 I hope your healing journey is giving you some peace.

Thankyou for your insights. When i gave birth to my first baby, a son, she was extremely hostile , insulting and subjected me to angry silent treatment, when she wasn’t criticising me for the baby waking frequently through the nights for regular feeds, After 2 weeks I confronted her with this behaviour eg waking me and my newborn early in the morning after crashing around in the kitchen etc. Her excuse was that I ‘“had the boy that she never had”. It was apparently my fault that she never had a son, only girls. And that since I had the son that she never had, I was deliberately making her feel bad showing my son care and attention, “selfish and showing off “ by breastfeeding instead of bottle feeding so that she could feed him, which “should have been her son”. It was an absolute nightmare and I moved into my own home as quickly as I could to escape the abuse.

I just came to the realization that my mother is a covert narcissist. My mother employed a lot of future faking, promising me anything from basic needs(which I often desperately needed) to a car to get me to engage with her and stick around, and of course, she rarely delivered on those things. I always wondered why I felt so weird and hollow growing up around her and why I was always looking for that motherly love and comfort but couldn't find it. Looking back, I raised myself and ended up parenting her more than she ever parented me. There would be times when she would ignore me for years, and I knew it wasn't normal, but it never quite clicked how wrong it was until I started healing and understanding how healthy, functional relationships are supposed to work. I'm 25, getting ready to graduate college, and I still struggle to form relationships with women due to my lifelong abuse and fear of abandonment. Thankfully, great videos like this and therapy have helped me tremendously on my journey to living a happy and healthy life. Thanks for the video!

@CourageCoaching

Жыл бұрын

I wish you all the best Borg! It's important you are attending to your recovery! It will only get better!

@tayabney6848

Жыл бұрын

Oh bless your cottons. I do understand. If I talk to mother the way I speak normally to people, she pulls me up on my tone, & my inferences. She has no idea how to parent healthily. I didn't see her for over 10 years & she told me how unnatural that was. It's now been over 20 years since I've been in the same space as her & I have been healing this entire time. I really do not like her. Good luck with everything. 👍🏼😊

@TrekStar11

Жыл бұрын

@@tayabney6848 same to you my friend. It's not easy to take that space. Sometimes I still miss my mom but I know this for the best. Good luck on your healing journey 🙏🏾

@justmy2cents652

Жыл бұрын

That is a point I often miss in the description of narcissistic mothers: The constant promises (and other forms of manipulations). When the promises were'nt kept it damaged my selfworth. I wasn't worthy of the attention and care. So false promises always let her win twice: getting my hopes up and getting my attention, support, positive feedback and then with letting me down and humiliating me. It was always about her, how great she was and about her skills, which, of course I could never match. She sells herself as caring, charming and modest while only using people or only take interest in people (and lovebombing them) who are of use to her. Including her children. If you're not of use, she'll forget you exist.

every single word you said is my mother. I finally joined suit with my 3 older siblings and went no contact 4 years ago, which meant I had to cut off contact with all of her enablers too, which include my step-dad and 2 half siblings. I let my guard down a few years ago when my step-dad was hospitalized with Covid and she decided to show up at my door to ridicule me for abandoning them and that was the reason my dad was in the hospital. thankfully he recovered and I learned a valuable lesson - she will not change.

@Annalenalovemusic

Жыл бұрын

❤its like Reading my own story.bless you.

Wow. This is what my wife is doing to my daughter, and my daughter is just now old enough at 12 to realize it and has rebelled hard. The things my wife has done I only find out later from my daughter, and I am shocked. Wife denies it even when I walk up with proof. And my wife is "in" counseling, but who even knows if that is true. So sad. I have sadly as a father become both father and mother figure to her and trying to help her through this. Thank you for the video.

Would like to hear you talk next about best ways to cope with a covert Narc mom. Everything you described was spot on.

WHAT they refuse is to seek help. They would be found out

It was a little different in my case. My mom is mostly covert but has a few highly overt characteristics. She loves attention, and loves to be glorified, but acts humble. She's also got a lot of neglectful narcissistic elements, but she's is above all an intellectual narcissist. She married my dad because he was financially stable and highly intelligent, not realizing that he is also autistic. She wanted to raise highly successful and intellectual children so she should show them off. We are highly intelligent, but we also all have a lot of challenges, because we all have ASD and/or Autism and learning disabilities. She sent us all to very prestigious, academically rigorous private schools which were absolutely unequipped to deal with our combination of issues. She expected us to get perfect grades and do everything right the first time, but wouldn't help us with homework or studying, ever. She just couldn't be bothered. She wanted to be able to brag to everyone about our accomplishments and how smart we were, but we couldn't cope with the pressure especially due to the emotional neglect. When I was 12 and the only minor child left, she pretty much just started negecting me altogether. I guess she got tired of trying to brag about kids that weren't living up to her standards, and just got bored with it all. This is just the tip of the iceberg, there's so much more. My mom is not malicious, but she is DEEPLY flawed and doesn't grow emotionally as a person. She sees sensitivity as weakness and unacceptable, and had very sensitive, gentle children. She's highly gregarious, and has easily embarrassed, introverted children. It was hard. She always introduces me to people as her "skinny daughter" and proceeds to tell everyone that she used to be skinnier than I am. She refused to acknowledge my engagement because I didn't have a ring yet (because it wasn't a priority to us as a couple). Because of that and because I got pregnant 10 months into the engagement, she tells everyone that she had to "force" us to get married and that we had a "shotgun wedding." It's humiliating, and untrue. We'd been together for nearly 5 years and engaged for nearly one by the time we got married. We were madly in love, and were already planning for our wedding that upcoming September. We are still married and happy 19 years later. It's just a bunch of things like that, all through my life, and she's also an absolutely shameless flirt.

@CourageCoaching

Жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing your experience..I am sure it helps other subs here to see how unique each narcissistic individual can be in their psychopathology..I am sorry your mother was so hurtful and twisted the truth so much to suit her own needs. Very happy for you that you are happily married! That is so important. My partner has ASD and is wonderfully introverted but an absolute rock in my life!

@someonerandom256

Жыл бұрын

@@CourageCoaching We are on good terms, but I stay gray rock with her. I send presents and call for holidays and birthdays, but she doesn't. That's okay. We mostly communicate by text. I love her, but I don't have any expectations of that love being returned equally. I know that's not an option. At the end of the day, it's the neglectful element of her behavior that allows us to stay on good terms. She doesn't care enough to make trouble, and with a narcissistic parent, I think that's about as good as it gets. Thank you for your response!

@sarahbreisch4750

Жыл бұрын

I'm sorry you went through that. I've also been with my husband for 19 years. Our oldest is just graduating from high school. Solidarity with defeating the covert narc mothers in our lives, it's never too late, and living the life were were meant to live. Be who you are.

@TheErraticCollector

Жыл бұрын

How odd that so many people on the spectrum dump their mothers for being narcissistic. I read it time and time again. More research needs to be done. I can say that my experience was pretty similar to the above. My husband was never around and I felt like a one parent family. He was always avoidant. I sent my children to private school because the oldest especially never made friends and was bullied. I never had any love or care from any of them. It was always 'what can you do for us'. They treated me like the servant. They all went to university but because I didn't, looked down on me further. Ran telling tales to their father (who was working abroad avoiding responsibility) and eventually I left because my life was so miserable. They have all told so many lies that I have lost track. They didn't care when I had skin cancer. I haven't heard from any of them in 5 years. Yet I am the narcissist. My heart breaks for the loss yet my life is drama free. There are always two sides to every story and its easy to watch a video and justify behaviour. When you are an empath surrounded by autism, it is hell on earth.

@nateo200

10 ай бұрын

I have Asperger's as well and very bad chronic pain. When I start to shut down and withdraw she accuses me of being passive aggressive, mopey, etc. She has interfered in every a spect of my healthcare to the point Doctors just assume I'm crazy.

Everything you said plus rage. Coverts can show narcissistic rage as well as overt types in my experience. Thank you very much for this video.

Yup. 'I've sacrificed so much for you kids' Yadda Yada Yada!!

@Empress1926

Жыл бұрын

Well it is true,wait until you have your own kids you sacrifice your entire life for them

@janetiscute77

Жыл бұрын

@Empress I can't have kids...thank God!!

@BobbiGail

Жыл бұрын

​@@Empress1926 ok, yes, BUT I do not believe they OWE me anything. I am trying my best to be a good mom. And I want for THEM to have fulfilling lives which do not have to be intertwined or enmeshed with mine. My kids do not owe me. (My mother apparently did nice things for us as a CONTRACT, and now she is upset bc I am not doing what she wants. She believes I owe her. But I did not know I was in a contract! I used to drop anything and be at her beck and call.)

@nomad7540

Жыл бұрын

A parent that doesn’t put their children’s needs first……………….?? Throwing it in their face…….not so good. But, we as children should honor as parents as they honored theirs.

@xxGuItArGiRLxx89

4 ай бұрын

To a good, non-narc mother, that sacrifice is an honour, a privilege, so purposeful and meaningful to their life existence. ​@Empress1926

My mom is a covert and she has now enmeshed our relationship by removing herself from a nursing home too eagerly and expecting me to give her round the clock care and attention. She totally disregards the fact I have 4 young kids and one on the way. I set boundaries and limits to the help I could provide and low and behold here come the poor victim texts about her unmet needs. All my friends have mothers who help plan weddings and baby showers and I have a mother who asks me to install Facebook on devices so she can post and brag about the grandkids she’s uninvolved with

@babiesandbuddies

Жыл бұрын

Don't give up your precious time with your babies to cater to her - and cut ties if need be. She can get a county social worker to find a new nursing home placement if she struggles.

@juliejohnson3835

10 ай бұрын

I was a single mom running away from a psychopath when my mother manipulated her way into our home. On her second divorce, she made sure she had nowhere else to go. That was phase one. Phase two was her saying she wanted us to combine our money to buy house together. My kids had that deer in the headlights look, and I just said no, I need my own space. She sure was butt hurt over that snd would spmetimes say "but you think you need your own place". Same thing thing about getting remarried. She actually tried to pin me down to agree I would never remarry. I guess I was her retirement plan. Sick.

@juliejohnson3835

10 ай бұрын

@@babiesandbuddies Or home care.

How can I watch this video on an endless repeat loop? Listing all the horrific behaviors is oddly comforting, an antidote to the endless gaslighting.

@xxGuItArGiRLxx89

4 ай бұрын

Sooo validating.

Great video. Very helpful! My mom was a chronic interruptor, too. It drove me nuts! So much subliminal negative programming, also, all the while treating me as the golden child. I was an extremely crazy, mixed up kid, and later went on to have many narcissistic traits myself. Between the grace of God, a wonderful psychotherapist, and more grace of God, I think I'm finally getting my head on straight. Thank you for sharing all you did.

@hannahzwic5975

Жыл бұрын

I can relate to much of what you’re saying! For some reason I’ve always felt like the golden child and resented myself for getting my moms favoritism which is actually really gross and still very subliminal programming of “you’re not smart, you’re weak, you’re awkward, you don’t understand life, you won’t be successful”, And it’s so hard because she did push me to go to college and would sometimes try to ask me if I needed help or to talk, but this only happened once I was 20-23 (I’m 23 now and I’ve moved away from my parents’ place and zone of authority) and the damage has already been done. I can’t see my mom as the person she wants to be now because i retraumatized myself in the same way and I no longer trust her. Yet in some ways I know she hasn’t changed all that much. She has always been very devout church woman and I think that she is a lot more fair and polite and honest than she would be without it-- that is to say, she would have been a full blown manipulative covert narcissistic mother instead of the medium one that she was/is.

@alyqat4

Жыл бұрын

🕊️ happy for you that you’ve found peace.

This is 100% my mother. Im 43 and both my parents are narcissists. My dad largely ignored me while my mother cycled between ignoring me and acting completely exasperated by my existence. The sabotage is covert but very real. My parents continue to try to control my life and I am finally setting boundaries. She began gaslighting and insulting me the second day I enforced new boundaries.

This is spot on and is really helpful to me! I have just fully realized that my mother is a covert narcissist and it took me so many years to accept it. She guilt tripped me and my siblings but myself especially. I believe that I was easier for her to manipulate because I wanted her approval so bad. After being treated poorly for thirty something years I have finally stood up for myself and went no contact. My life has drastically improved since doing this, and I feel healthier in my emotions and being able to build relationships. These videos definitely help identify what I went through in childhood and adulthood. I am starting to find my voice now after years of being scared to speak up for fear of disappointing my narcissistic mother.

I've heard it called 'indifferent narcissism'... my narcissistic mother had six kids of which she took no responsibility for parenting. So as the oldest, yep, I was the nurturer. After a decade of therapy, I'm mostly good. But I have to surround myself with people who get it.

My mother is a very religious covert narcissist. It took me 57 years to figure out the narcissistic part. I have experienced a lifetime of religious manipulation on top of everything else. Therapy helps but it makes it very difficult for me to trust anyone in the church. Fortunately I have a supportive wife and kids. The covert part was so hidden that I feel so cheated of an entire lifetime of experiences. My sister is the golden child and is fully enmeshed as they live together. My brother is kind of stuck in the middle. But I had to make a decision to get completely out of this toxic mess.

Such a great description of my mother. I far too many stories to share here. You are spot on in your description of the covert narc. The interrupting, OMG. If she is not interested in what I am trying to tell her, she will interrupt me in mid-sentence, literally saying "change the subject" and start talking about something else.

Thank you for this video! I have grown to prepare for any happy event in my life to be overshadowed by something my mom does. I believe she is a good person, and has sacrificed much for our family, but it spiritually hurts to be her daughter. Every time I see her, my body physically reacts by making itself smaller. I am an adult but her unwarranted verbal onslaughts still make me feel tiny.

Wow you described my own mother perfectly. Now I have a name of what to call her behavior, thank you! I’m 42 and have had a tumultuous relationship with her since i was 15. She constantly seems to find the need to create problems/drama/issues. She’s never just happy, and I believe that she feels threatened by my happiness as well. From the beginning of my relationship with my now husband, she has never liked him and has tried to demean, condescend and alienate him. At this point he won’t speak to her and I’ve been trying to be the bridge for my children’s sake, her grandkids. It’s getting harder and harder to do so as nothing is ver resolved with her and unfortunately I think it will end up with me not speaking to her anymore. It’s sad. It shouldn’t have to be like this. My dad died tragically when I was 9 years old, she’s never gotten over his death or moved on. She’s 77 and has the maturity of a 5 year old.

I have never had a mutual conversation with my NM, or anyone else really. Being parentified was the hardest part to deal with.

Very much my own mother in this description - all of it. She was diagnosed with bpd, but it's clear to me now that covert narcissism was a major factor, instead of or in addition to bpd. She started getting therapy when I was very young, and tried to turn her life around. But I don't think they ever understood her, and the primary result of therapy was that she learned how to integrate therapeutic language into her lies and manipulations. She very deliberately positioned me to function as a therapist for her starting when I was old enough to sit still and listen to her for many hours at a time. I thought that doing that showed how much I loved her. I completely denied my own needs. In order both to understand her problems & give advice, and to defend myself against her constant gaslighting, I developed a strong verbal intelligence. By the time I was 16 or 17 I could hold my own against her verbally, which resulted in a few massive meltdowns, since of course she could never admit she was wrong. But I still believed that I should love her and help her as much as I could, which meant she tortured me until I was in my 30s and finally cut her off completely. I had even moved as far away from her as I could, as soon as I graduated from high school. But I carried a huge weight of anxiety, guilt, and shame, and a feeling of real terror when I interacted with her. When I was 18 and told her I was moving out she had another meltdown, as I expected. She never forgave me this offense, frequently begged me to move back in, and refused to ever visit me. So she never saw where I lived, not ever. She died 20 years ago, thank God. She had spent her life saying she wanted to die, so she got what she wanted when she was 56. I was happy to finally be rid of her, but the abuse is still a sore wound for me. It's like a child whose legs are beaten with sticks over and over again, then spends their life walking with a limp. It has shaped my life in so many ways. I've healed in a lot of ways, some of which have given me great joy, but I still wish I could deal better with some areas where I was injured. Thanks for this video to remind me of all this. Your description is closer to what I remember than any similar video I've seen, and brought back memories I haven't looked at for years. I'm grateful.

@CourageCoaching

Жыл бұрын

I am so sorry Frank! Recovery is life long and we will continue to carry those wounds. It does get easier, better when we reduce the shame spiral we feel by being self compassionate to our inner child. Wishing you all the best!

@colonelweird

Жыл бұрын

​@@CourageCoachingThanks for the kind words.

@ladennayoung2939

Жыл бұрын

You can actually have both or multiple issues. Some mental health professionals may not catch everything. Some mental health professionals may not have the knowledge, insight, or perspective on NPD like they should.

Every word you say mirrors my mother, and I mean every word !. I’m 56, mum is 88. My health is suffering now. I’m all she has and she relies on me else I would go no contact completely. Thank you very much for this ❤

@scarletlea5748

Жыл бұрын

@@denisewheeler3373 I’m so sorry to hear that, I know it’s a terrible situation to be in, I can’t imagine what life would be like any other way now. I have found these KZread channels can be very helpful though.

@nateo200

10 ай бұрын

Leave her and let her suffer if you can escape. Please save yourselve!

Everything you said is 100% my experience. It is so sad to know that there are so many of these stories of terrible parents. I’m giving you all a virtual warm gentle and loving hug. ❤

9:01 Wow, that hit hard. I've always been in doubt about my mom being covert narcissistic or emotionally immature and/or manipulative etc, but I could never figure it out and I was blaming myself for thinking these kind of things about my mom. I mean, what kind of person does that make me? But those hugs... I still don't feel comfortable when my mom is hugging me. In the past my mom has accused me of being distant, and she even sent me to therapy for it as a young adult. But I'm getting more and more sure that it wasn't me. And oh, the gaslighting...

@rapidcreations4980

Жыл бұрын

That gaslighting hits home

@marymorenomariposa

8 ай бұрын

i never hug my mom. hard pass

This was my mother to a tee but i always felt there was more to the story with her. She was very self sacrificing but hated if she went unoticed doing it

Only someone with profoundly painful lived experience could create such an anxiety-inducingly accurate description of what it feels to grow up in this hellish bondage.

Engulfing Covert Narcissistic Mom = Exhausting.

I have never felt a video speak to me so much. Never have I felt a situation this relatable. Thank you so much for sharing your experiences... they really make me feel less alone

You literally described my Mother and ALL of the things I am struggling with when it comes to my relationship with her. I watched the whole thing waiting for you to say something that didn't resonate with me and literally EVERYTHING you said I've experienced. I just recently went no/low contact with her for my own mental health and your video is so Goddamn validating that I am tearing up. I thought I was crazy or I wasn't trying hard enough growing up. It was never my fault though, it was her. Thank you for making this video and giving me more fuel for research in how to communicate with her and when to protect myself while communicating.

@acsquared5533

Жыл бұрын

I feel this on every level!! ❤

Wow, this is my mom. I always question if she is a narcissist because I find it hard to believe. But you were spot on. I’m the scapegoat and am almost 40 years old, I’m just now learning about all this and my mind is blown. Feels like I’ve been living a lie.

@CourageCoaching

Жыл бұрын

If you need support to put the pieces together, please get in touch. Hugs to you

@Annalenalovemusic

Жыл бұрын

❤I know

Just YES to everything you said. And I've watched my share of psych videos on this topic. I stepped back from my mother about 10 years ago after a lot of therapy, not full 'no contact' but enough room to grow... and breathe... and basically be myself

There’s not a single second of this video that doesn’t match my wife. The fact that you were able to become so aware of what was being done to you gives me a little more hope for my daughters future. Thank you for making this.

Also, my mother once said to me, after finding out that one of her friends had gone through sexual abuse as a child: “I love hearing about other peoples fucked up lives, it makes me feel better about myself!”

@CourageCoaching

Жыл бұрын

Such an awful thing to say. Your poor friend!

@bumblebee_mrs

6 ай бұрын

When I found out that my mother's sister was being physically abused by her husband, I said we need to get her out of there. My mother said that her sister deserved it. I was disgusted.

OMG this is my mother. How refreshing to name this! That is automatic healing to my soul. It’s been over a year since I last spoke to her, and taken many years of counselling and healing.

Wow can relate to living with so many of these characteristics from my covert mother. As an only child, I was totally smothered. Always had to look after her emotionally needs.

thank you so much for this. i decided to go no-contact with my narcissist alcoholic mother a month ago. i can’t tell you how much of a daily burden of rumination and apprehension has been lifted. but the guilt does creep in every once in a while-a video like this will prevent me from gaslighting myself into backing off the no-contact. 🙏🙏🙏

Thank you so much for this validation in this video. I haven't come across a more perfect explanation of my own mother. It has been a lifetime of this. I'm 36 years old and we have screaming matches because she will never apologize or take accountability for her actions and words. IF she does apologize, she does the same thing again and laces her apologies with blame shifting jabs. EVERYthing you said in this video she has done. It's heartbreaking I'm just coming to this conclusion this late in my life. We've always had a very difficult and toxic relationship and this just makes so much more sense.

@rapidcreations4980

Жыл бұрын

Narcs don't listen, u have to set boundaries for progress

It's hard to deal with because this is the very person who should be helping you grow..but, I feel like she is trying to mess me up all the time.. shame, blame, belittle, compete, then, all the way love bombing.. lying.. which is making me a liar..turn people against each other..idk..to me, it's just evil..

@CourageCoaching

Жыл бұрын

Absence of empathy is evil, sadly.. I am sorry for your experiences.

@DebbieLee-dr3hr

Жыл бұрын

That's probably the worst part about the relationship. Your mother is supposed to have your back & it feels competitive instead.

I was abused by my step father between the ages of 5 to 12. I remember the last time it happened and I told my mum later on that day when we where alone. I remember everything about telling her from the day, where we where, her not speaking to my SD all that evening until I went to bed. Them arguing and then him and her coming to my room to say he wasn’t touching my chest, he brushed past me. It affected me so much as an adult but when I brought it up with her she said non of it happened, not only her being told but the abuse. Eventually I stopped all contact with her.

@CourageCoaching

Жыл бұрын

I am so sorry for your trauma and re-traumatizing invalidation of your experience from your mother! Sending you hugs

@mmmchocolate140

Жыл бұрын

My mother did the same. She and my dad hit me repeatedly in my childhood. She recently told me "we never hit you!" Like it all never happened, like I made it all up. I had to go no contact. It is disturbing coming in contact with that kind of evil.

@CourageCoaching

Жыл бұрын

@@mmmchocolate140 Sending you hugs! You deserved a healthy family! Thank you for sharing!

On my sisters wedding day my mother starting spreading rumors that I was mad at my sister because I wasnt in the wedding and my dads girlfriend was. I gave 0 Fs. When my sister asked me about this I confronted my mom and she accused me of lying and playing the victim and then when my grandparents and disabled uncle told her to relax she threatened to kick all of us out of the house and then went on a rant about about how everyone is jealous because she's a strong indepedent black women. Absolutely disgusting. The woman has 0 self awareness, she thinks all the restraining orders were some elaborate conspiracy theory to silence her.

Everything changed with my mom after I hit puberty. She used to burst into the shower and try to catch me touching myself and I would be punished. She would point out our body flaws and cut my hair short when I preferred it long. I've been happily married for 7 years now and she tries to take credit for it by saying it was through her prayer that I am able to be successfully married.

Thank you. My soul feels relief after seeing this video and my mind find explanation and sense. Relationship with narcissistic mom is a burden...I must whatch this video every time the burden gets heavy.

This is exactly my mother. Thank you for sharing this content and your story! 🙏❤️

My grandmother was absolutely horrible! Unfortunately, I lived with her from age 9 until I moved out at 18. I felt her wrath for 9 years, and am now realizing that my mother & aunt were also her victims, even though they were her enablers & flying monkeys for years. Her madness would bubble to the surface particularly around holidays when anyone had the nerve to want to spend time with friends or others outside the immediate family.

@CourageCoaching

Жыл бұрын

I am so sorry for your experience! Hugs to you!

Thank you so much for this video, you have literally taken the worlds from my mouth. It’s so much harder now that I have my own daughter, because I find it so inconceivable that you could be like that as a mother. My brothers don’t see it, and sometimes I feel like I’m going crazy. My mother openly admits that she prefers ‘her boys’ so I guess it’s no surprise. It’s so hard to hear other women talk about how their mum is their best friend, and I just don’t get it. My mum faked suicide a few years ago and blamed it on me having my own life, even though she was never close to me or showed any interest in me. Gaslighting 101. Hearing videos like this makes me feel heard and understood, so thank you ❤️

Huh you described my mother. I knew something was going on and that her relationship with me wasn't typical but I didn't think covert narcissism would be it but, like I said, it was like you were just talking about her. Down to the hugs where i feel hollowed out every time there's an embrace with her. Wow.

I have been really doubting myself. Just cut off all ties and felt nagging guilt about how upset she'll be - but thank you for this - it's my mother to a tee x

Very close description of my upbringing by such a human. Her "warmth" always came with anterior motives I began to learn. It was never about truly caring for me it was ALSO satisfying a personal need of her own.

Every.single.thing you said. My mother has my father and siblings as her enablers. Thank you for this video, it was incredibly validating.

@CourageCoaching

Жыл бұрын

You are so welcome!

I'm turning 40 years old this year, and only just realized I've been in a silent competition with my mother my entire life. It's heartbreaking.

@CourageCoaching

29 күн бұрын

It is heartbreaking! ❤️‍🩹 Sending hugs

Excellent video, thank you. My mother makes me unsettled, she is critical of my appearance, life choices, hair, car, house decor, any choices Ive made and punishes me with disapproval or total lack of communication if I do not follow her instructions The funny part is Ive far out succeeded her by making choices totally different from her own. She sides against me in any situation and seeks any oppurtinity to insult me and blame me. Im middle aged, my brother is even older, his girlfriend was struggling (pissing off people everywhere bc she is generally problematic) and they both kept at me to help her. (Which i did many times) I finally said no, stating, she is a grown woman, burning her own bridges and some of mine that I allowed her to tread on, so, i said No more…and low and be hold they both turned on me. Its been 10 years and we have almost no communication. In 2019 (my birthday) she said to me “youre no one special, youve never done anything special with your life, who do youthink you are?” then proceeded to insult me about various things over the past 20 yrs. The trigger…she wanted to see my new house, so I gave some parameters (be nice to my BF)and she flatly refused, so I told her not to come to save me embarrassment, then she bombed me with insults. So I cut her off. I Realised so manythings were wrong. It was very ardmfor about 3 years bc of hurt. She would t answer any questions and never ask any either. That is key. The hugs are really true. Vacant, cold, stiff, not loving. Just ick! Its been a long hard road and the realisation of the wasted years trying to please her….gawd, Ive wasted so much time. The enmeshment was a painful extraction. Thank you for reading.

All of this is exactly what I've been through, finally healing and moving forward at 55, I wish had this clarity much sooner in my life. Thank you for your insight.

The hardest part for me was reconciling that my mom is an empty shell. I so wanted to believe she loved me in an unconditional way but the lack of listening, validating, and memory of what I say are undeniable. I went no contact but this left my sister holding the ball and i am reluctantly, seldom, and cautiously communicating with with mom now. My dad has BPD i think. It’s amazing i got out of this in tact… took time.

@CourageCoaching

Жыл бұрын

It is one of the toughest things!Sending hugs to you

A liar and a bully. This is my mom in a nutshell. Thank you for this video, I find it very informative about narcissism and how it can show.

My grandmother was usually ok (meaning not as mean/nasty/evil as she could be) if you were doing what she thought you should be. But the minute you wanted to do something that didn’t include her or take up your own interests or branch out from the family, there was hell to pay! As a kid, I started to make my own friends & explore my own interests & independence (like any normal kid) and I was accused of being ungrateful for all she’d given me as a child of a divorced mother. One of her tactics was to tell me (or her daughters, at different times, depending on who she was angry with) that friends weren’t really our friends & probably all talk about us behind our backs because they can see how selfish we are by how we treat her. Another thing she would often tell us, whenever we “stepped out of line” is that she no longer loves us. She couldn’t possibly love us the way she once did. Little did she know, the feeling was mutual.

@Nina94771

Жыл бұрын

Wow yeah first part of that spot on. Dads mum, then dad partly became narcissistic but someone what more codependent…unsure🤷‍♀️ but he married mum who is also a covert narc and ahhh we all live together….what a whirlwind!!!! Can’t wait to move out again and never come back 😢🎉😂

I've never felt so seen. Thank you for this wonderful video. It was very informative and you're well spoken.

My earliest memories are of cringing away from my mother's affection. It was always a manipulation, she never wanted to actually show love to me. She was so violent that I could never bond with her that way. Pure survival. Now I struggle with believing someone is genuinely in love with me when they exclaim it. And physical touch is my top love language, go figure. I think my mom was a blend of covert with some overt traits. She's also a life path 9 and I think that goes well with the martyrdom 😅 Can you believe my mother was a special Ed teacher? She was nice and took care of those kids and would come home and take it out on us.

@CourageCoaching

Жыл бұрын

I am so sorry for your experience. Hugs to you