Could you consider a follow-up regarding how to not shut down when a person is trying not to lose it? Sometimes it seems people with serious anger outbursts either blow up or shut down and that's all they can do, and no one can help them.

The pause is something I learned with regard to emails! Put it in draft before you hit send and read it again tomorrow!!!

@thegratefultherapist

3 жыл бұрын

James, THIS IS BRILLIANT. I want you to share it with everyone. Yes don't hit send.!!!! Don't text, talk, or type when you are triggered. xoo Quenby

Great video! I have dealt with anger issues my entire life and I'm always looking to learn more tips on how to slow that energy down

@thegratefultherapist

3 жыл бұрын

Yes, Me too. I work on it constantly. I've come a long way but would still love to get better at staying calm and keeping my big mouth shut ha h ahahah. xoxoxo Quenby

When I was manager this topic was something very difficult to control anger, this feelings are so every day going through

@thegratefultherapist

3 жыл бұрын

Hi Cintia, I know, It's hard to manage anger. It takes practice over and over again. I have worked on it for years and made a lot of progress and I know you can too. Thank you!! Quenby

Thank you so much for this! I must get my anger under control so I can heal my relationship with my granddaughters.

I’ve been watching your videos this morning through tears. I’m a foster mom and my foster kids are all teen boys. Our oldest foster son is a good kid, but we are terrified about his future (he will turn 18 in about 6 months) because of his lack of anger management skills. DFS won’t provide us with or require him to take anger management classes, and he refuses to go to therapy, so my husband and I are going to try to help him ourselves. These videos have been so helpful for me in trying to build out a meaningful conversation to help our foster son. Thank you so much!! 💙🙏🏻

This is the one thing I have been working on for years and lnow one day I will master having my anger in control.

@thegratefultherapist

3 жыл бұрын

Me too. ANger has been a tough one for me to learn to manage too. It is a daily practice and over time we get better at it xo quenby

My brother and I are not on speaking terms now because of his anger. His resentments of me go back decades and I’m simply tired of it and his behavior.

@thegratefultherapist

3 жыл бұрын

I am glad you have good boundaries with your brother. It is so hard to be close to anyone who can't manage their anger. It feels unsafe. It is so hard to have cut offs with family though, it has been for me anyway. xo Q

@TheAntiqBoutiq

3 жыл бұрын

@@thegratefultherapist in 2010 I had a 10 1/2 hour surgery on my liver that left me with an open wound (now a scar) that’s about 12” long. The day I came home from the hospital I went to my brother’s. I had no pain medication because we had crossed state lines and I couldn’t fill the script. Long story short he expected me to help him with something in the house that I simply wasn’t physically able to, and because he couldn’t see that past his need for this project to happen (rain was about to ruin some things) he got angry at me and threw me into the stairs. Of course I started to bleed. I had to get in my car and leave to remove myself from the situation. We didn’t speak for years until my mother passed away. Then we started to talk again and he seemed to improve. But you know what Quenby? A leopard never changes its spots. Too often we try to compensate for the shortcomings of others, but sometimes it just won’t happen. At that point, we must set boundaries and remove ourselves if necessary. Sometimes it really just isn’t you, it’s them lol. (This was before my car accident and pre-pain pump.)

Thank you so much for these tips!! I will definitely implement these and get back to yo u in a month and let u know how its working for me

@thegratefultherapist

3 жыл бұрын

Def let me know how things work out for you. xo Quenby

Hi Quenby, I shared the video with someone who may start following you. Your videos may help with her family situation. Thanks 🙏

@thegratefultherapist

3 жыл бұрын

Oh Thank you for sharing. I really appreciate it. I hope your friend gets something from these videos. That would make me happy. xoxo Quenby

The PAUSE,Yes! And getting out to burn off that adrenalin-anger state. So helpful. Tx Quenby. :)

@thegratefultherapist

3 жыл бұрын

Thanks Charleen, I really appreciate your feedback and comments. It means a lotto me. xoox Quenby

This is a good video my sister has had anger issues all her life. You can’t talk to her without her taking things the wrong way. I passed on this video to her. Now I’ll wait for her blaming things on me as she’s done for the last 50 yrs. It’s pretty sad living this way. My only sibling and she’s angry all the time. She’s never been married has no children. It’s like you don’t know when talking to her which word will trigger her outburst. I am tired of going through this for so any years. I did ask if we could go to counseling together she says she don’t need it I do. So sad. I wish I had more family but all are gone now. I just pray on it as I always do

@thegratefultherapist

2 жыл бұрын

I hear you. I'm sorry you are going through this. Perhaps the issue is not only anger in her situation but something more? Sadly all we can do for others is gently guide them in a direction but we can't do their work for them. Set good healthy boundaries. Quenby

@deplorable8853

2 жыл бұрын

@@thegratefultherapist That is so true. I keep trying but hitting a wall is wearing me out. I sent her this video. She took it negatively and sent it back to me. She was a child that would hit my grandparents when she wouldn’t get her way. My grandmother told my mother long ago my sister needed counseling but my mother never listened. So all my sisters life she has been this way. It’s very hard for me at times. She doesn’t hit but your like walking on egg shells wondering if you say the wrong word will she blow up. I think she is bi-polar. To many highs and lows sometimes so fast.

I very rarely yell. Since living with my son been yelling more. My sons friends keeps demanding my son to do stuff. It makes me upset,and I feel the mother instincy to yell at them to do it themself.

@thegratefultherapist

3 жыл бұрын

Yes me too. If one area of life can bring up anger, it's the Mamma Bear and parenting. I just keep trying, keep returning to my intention to stay calmer

Just found your channel Excellent videos Keep up the great work!

@thegratefultherapist

Жыл бұрын

Thank you so much. I'm happy to make more videos if its helping people. Thanks Quenby

@christiancerny5564

Жыл бұрын

@@thegratefultherapist You need to figure out the youtube algorithymns as they determine your viewing numbers. You're content at present doesnt reflect your viewing numbers which should be way higher as its top notch quality. Ask people to hit that like button at the start of your videos and hit subscribe if the video helped them. All the best for 2023 Peace from Australia. +10

1)Recognize/Understand the triggers of your anger-Physically-heartbeat gets faster or fists or teeth clench-thoughts go really fast-Hyperactive in your mind. 2)catch what your thoughts are-Negative self thoughts or negative thoughts toward someone we are with(spouse/kids/family or friends) WRITE that or those thoughts down-where did your thoughts go then ASK YOURSELF-is it true? 3)TAKE A PAUSE-this is the most important step-this will SLOW DOWN YOUR RESPONSE OF ANGER. 4)Talk yourself through with GOOD THOUGHTS-Recognize I’m spiraling out of control-I need to PAUSE-Tell yourself NOTHING GET SOLVED WHEN I GET OUT OF CONTROL 5)Move that ANGER with a 15minute physical activity-make good use of that adrenaline Workout Shoot hoops Running Take a Walk Explain to whoever you are with-“I need a break(you are unable to solve anything like this!) “I need just 15 minutes alone and I’ll be back then or we will talk about this later!” It helps me to not only hear but write down/type what I hear-is this right?

Really serious issue. I wonder if Covid has made people angrier too? I’m always shocked when seemingly small issues generate giant angry responses. I dunno. Maybe I’m actually a reasonable person! Hmmm. What are the chances of that? Great video. Thanks again.

@thegratefultherapist

3 жыл бұрын

That is so great! You are a reasonable person. I think a lot of people who have struggled with anger have been through tough stuff in their family and so they didn't learn to manage big feelings. Yes, there are higher rates of Domestic Violence and abuse due to covid. So sad. thank you for your comment. xo quenby

Would you mind reaching out on how I can get help for my son who’s a teen. Thanks!

My teen is skipping class because she's having anger outbursts during class - how would she move anger energy when she's sitting in class? That's a tricky one for me!

@thegratefultherapist

Жыл бұрын

tomorrow Friday I have a video coming out on anger with teens. I hope you watch it and give us your feedback. In your situation are you the counselor or mom or.....? , In that situation, I would want to involve the teacher, school counselor, and other staff. The teen needs to learn what she can do at school when anger arises. She could have a specialized plan just for her & staff would know what she was working on. And/or, she could breath work right at her desk. She could have tools for regulation that she is working on and it would be helpful if the staff understood this. Thank you for your comment! Quenby Gallahan, LMFT

💜💜💜💜💜

@thegratefultherapist

3 жыл бұрын

Thank you for your comments, I appreciate it. Quenby

please comment on anger and depression- I've read recently that they can be related.

@thegratefultherapist

3 жыл бұрын

Hi Diane, Yes of course. I can do another video about that too. Anger is connected to depression. Anger is A SECONDARY EMOTION. What is underneath is Fear and Hurt, every single time. Fear and hurt can be the root of some depression and often depressed people struggle with these feelings. xo Quenby

But why is the first born make children the most disliked