Being passive from a young age has made me fall victim to narcissists and manipulators. They took all the control I thought I didn't have. Thank you for this insightful video. I am becoming a new person!

@kishanpatel3354

2 жыл бұрын

I need you to contact me.

@kathyadair8552

2 жыл бұрын

I think that's happened for and to a LOT of really good, decent people! - Me, too. 2 Nazi Narcopath bros! 💔°⚖,😭 An orphan and a widow.

@1StepForwardToday

2 жыл бұрын

They are your teachers. Poking you until you learn how to muster up the courage to assert yourself, communicate your needs, and set your boundaries.

@1885173

2 жыл бұрын

Hi ness

@kimlec3592

2 жыл бұрын

Having your feelings used to control your behaviour. Person trying to please the other is not love. it's begging for some respite from anger of parent who lets you know you were not wanted.

2:18 Percolator effect 6:50 unexpressed emotion turns against the self and becomes depression. 7:00 feelings are neutral - something important happens then a thought and a feeling will also. 7:50 anger example 8:55 primary feelings 10:13 three forms of communication - passive aggressive: dishonest, pouting, you make me feel..., not direct, sarcasm, manipulative assertive: open, honest, direct, equal aggressive: judges whole person, hits person, labels person, calls names, 'you' 15:26 Responsibility 'you're ugly' 20:14 Four parts to assertiveness 21:30 body posture 22:30 eye contact and tone of voice 23:20 getting all four aspects together: detaching 23:45 shame 24:42 how to practice 26:00 active listening 29:00 para-phrasing and validating, defensive 30:37 deepest/central dynamic 32:38 unhealthy relationship role playing 35:15 healthy relationship role play

@Handler870

5 жыл бұрын

Thank you!! :)

@IS3000vato

5 жыл бұрын

I feel like you were taking notes.

@leeboriack8054

4 жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing your table of contents.

@palomaozuna8525

3 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much, really helpful.

@user-zj5oj5pi8u

2 жыл бұрын

some heroes wear capes... others post efficient time stamps on long videos with great content...

HOLY CRAP, YODA GOT IT RIGHT!!! "Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering."

@LadyAsh27

2 жыл бұрын

This is happening now. 2021. Fear of Covid 19. Anger for those making this about shot vs. No shot. Which lead to hate, because they feel like they have to choose a side.

I really want to be assertive. I'm gonna achieve it.

@r011ing_thunder6

3 жыл бұрын

3 months. have u done it m8?

@shrivatsavans1209

3 жыл бұрын

It's been 6 months, I want to know whether you have achieved it or not.

@hassanshubbar881

3 жыл бұрын

its been 8 months you did it?

@lapointdaniel

3 жыл бұрын

Keep seeking!

@jessikadiazherrera7702

3 жыл бұрын

It’s a skill to work on along your whole life! Don’t feel bad or rush yourself. Keep trying your best, keep learning and you will notice how you learn step by step

"What we are trying to do is to resolve a situation - it's not about who was right or wrong. This is the hallmark of effective communication"

@Pii1968

6 жыл бұрын

Thanx for writing that down That is a very powerful quote.

@KFoley-dv5cr

6 жыл бұрын

This is good.

@Writeous0ne

5 жыл бұрын

Yeah one of the main problems is being offended when someone starts a dialogue. You need to be able to listen and speak without taking offence to a contrary opinion.

@Apple_Teck

3 жыл бұрын

Depends on the conversation and the objective; in most situations, I would say you are correct, however in other situations I do believe it does matter who’s right. Your approach and patience should change/ increase depending on the importance of the conversation. It’s all about knowing your audience and refining your presentation. Ultimately, its not about “winning” just planting a seed.

@Alphacentauri819

11 ай бұрын

@@Apple_Teckthe problem is, most people believe they are "right" based on their own unquestioned cognitive distortions, biases, "filters" that create their version of "reality". Awareness, and seeking deeper understanding, of self and others, is way more important than being right. In emergencies, of course, action is needed...and we can only hope the "right" action is taken based on knowledge, experiences and skill, at that time. This is a highly imperfect world, much uncertainty and unpredictability...and many people need an answer, belief, to cling to. To challenge that, is often a perceived threat to their survival. To be able to support and understand that, and hear them compassionately, is the way to allow space for deeper understanding. That's foundational.

"If a person gets locked in the idea that they should be able to control the outcome, the emotions will never get out of them and they will be semi-constipated emotionally life-long"

@a.m.215

3 жыл бұрын

So true. Beautifully said. Eye opening for me. Thank you

"Unexpressed emotion turns against the self and becomes depression." .. bruh.

@jaket5751

4 жыл бұрын

It continues to lodge itself in your body and reappears down the road as disease and disorder within the body. Emotion code is a good one on this.

@mariusleroy8895

4 жыл бұрын

Jake Timm So to avoid this should i just tell someone How i feel? Like someone says ” Hahah you thought i wanted to be your friend” - maybe a bad example anyways... Should i just answer with ” I feel sad when you say that to me”? I feel like the other person wont respect me If i act like a victim?

@MegaTrivial

4 жыл бұрын

that`s why you throw things and hit hard a wall; a floor; or a window

@hopkins-mccoy5259

3 жыл бұрын

That's what I'm trying to avoid... I agree.

@a.pieceofpie

3 жыл бұрын

Or colon cancer

My mom always told me to become more assertive. I realise now, I always was. I always told lovingly, without blaming, how I felt and what I needed. The problem was, she simply did not listen or starting questioning or making me doubt myself. There is only one person who really believed in me for 32 years, my aunt. Without her, and my dear mentor from University who is still my friend on my path, I could not have beenmwhere I stand today. Thank you for your video and peaceful energy and explanation.

there's an old expression: if you have to attack someone in an argument you automatically lose it, regardless if you might be right or wrong.

This guy is a true expert on these topics unlike some of these KZread “gurus”

1. You are good #enough 2. Practice being #assertive (posture, language, eye contact ) and share how you feel 3. #Actively #listen to the other person by paraphrasing (yes,no, clarify -> validate -> acknowledge )

I grew up seeing my parents fight a lot. When my mom would get mad, the whole house energy would shift to sadness and tension. My mom had six kids to take care of so I can understand it was hard. My dad also worked a lot to put food on the table. They were both busy. I saw my mom disrespect my dad. She called us names too. I am sure my dad was not so innocent. After 30 years they are together but they still fight trying to score points. I don't want to be like them. Thanks sir for this video.

This video and these concepts should be taught in schools. It is so informative, progressive, and will help people understand the psychology and mental health of themself and others

This is the only video on being assertive that I can actually say I learned something from and can practice the techniques. Thank you soooooo much. I shared this with family. Such a great and effective video!

Informative videos like these is why I love KZread and the Internet! Thanks a lot Jef.

@nissamelton8597

6 жыл бұрын

Arun Kothapally I agree! It’s the information I wish was taught in school.

Normally I don't comment, but in this case I must. Jeff, I am 38 years old amd have spent the last 19 years of my life in a mental cage of passivity that I was unable to break free of until I stumbled upon your video while looking for leadership training. I can't thank you enough. I had completely accepted my life as it was, and accepted that every interaction I had with others would be a burden to carry. There's hope again because of you. Thank you thank you!!

The best video I've watched in a while ❤

This is very true. I have suffered a lot of abuse and I held it in my body. Now, I have fibromyalgia and books I have on it talk a lot about getting touch with anger issues. I also suffer depression, which is anger turned inward. Thanks for the video. I wish this was taught in school or somewhere because this stuff comes up a lot. I have a sister who likes to take out her frustrations out on me because she is not happy with her life, weight, or her marriage. Of course, I cannot do anything about her issues but I need good boundaries around her because I don't need to be her emotional punching bag.

@indigohealers6987

6 жыл бұрын

#metoo Fibromyalgia started in my late teens, and I have had to learn to process trauma based repressed emotions. Neutralizing triggers too. No Contact works most effectively with family who don't respect boundaries.

@blaqueknight

4 жыл бұрын

Wow! Thank you very much for sharing. You sound like my wife. You give me much to think about and eventually act on. I hope you get better.

@shine2678

3 жыл бұрын

What if I remain alone by being assertive?

@a.m.215

3 жыл бұрын

@@shine2678 I am not assertive enough I think, but there were situations that I was able to show assertiveness. And surprisingly, I was more respected, more wanted, and even more loved.

@joshuanun8192

Жыл бұрын

Same here.

I needed to hear this because I am surrounded by adults who have bashed and criticize me since childhood. Especially my mother. I realize she was doing the best she could but when I need everyone the most no one was there to help me pick up the pieces and a year later they’re all acting so nice

@lyndaposton2911

3 жыл бұрын

Just listening to this on u tube, hope time has made things easier, happier and better. Cheers Lynda from Australia

It doesn't always work when one or both parties are mean and want to hurt the other. It works when one or both have good intentions.

@sunnieonesotrue5868

6 жыл бұрын

What I think does work, even with people who want to control and diminish us, is the feeling of self respect that we can carry forward from having been a mature adult person in the process of asserting oneself. This will release much of the stuffed pain, without attacking.

Thank you. This video helps a lot in understanding proper English communication. Being an immigrant in Canada, Its often difficult to convey the message the right way without being seen as rude or patronizing. Where I am from, such polished interactions are seen as futile and it is necessary to be a little upfront and pushy. Psychology changes in a crowded society, we are raised to be a little insensitive, or else you would always be the last one on the table with nothing in your share. This video helps in changing to my current geographical psychology.

@thesliceisright

2 жыл бұрын

Fascinating. Cool glad it helped.

Amazing video. I suffer a lot by being too passive and timid. It's just so easy for anyone to manipulate me most of the time.

Im only 15 and im really trying to be assertive. Im very mature and respectful but sometimes the tone of my voice makes it seem like im being rude. This did all begin from family problems and when I figured this out I spent a year trying to control these emotions. I really love listening to Tony Robbins as well and have been since I was 11

@tilly012011

6 жыл бұрын

Noah Give yourself a break. Non of us is perfect. who ever love will love who ever don't love you, there is nothing that can change how they feel about you. love yourself and know no matter your mistakes you are loveable. God loves you no matter what!

@MedievalFantasyTV

6 жыл бұрын

You are in the right path, and you are lucky to be smart. When I was 15 I was utterly "lost" and confused, and I did not know where to look for answers. We didn't have internet back then. Consider yourself lucky.

@gperson1967

6 жыл бұрын

If people think you are being rude, then you are not quite being respectful. Part of respect is keeping the other person’s wishes in mind. Think of how they would like to hear what you have to say. This includes facial expression and tone of voice. Being flexible and accommodating in this way will make your communication work. It’s compromise. Which means you won’t be entirely happy with doing this. But they may not be entirely happy to hear your statement so it is fair. Good luck btw, I have the same problems!

@paolav9295

6 жыл бұрын

Congratulations, you really are a very mature young man indeed, recognizing the problem is half of the solution. Learning assertiveness will help you not only to better communicate with your family, but to cope with all kind of challenges in life in the best healthy way.

@tanyastevens9553

6 жыл бұрын

We are accountable for our own actions. How others view us is their business even, after we are using effective communication skills. Being effective, assertive and respectful is sometimes difficult but, through love it is rewarding. Putting ourselves above others is love regardless of how others see us or view us.

It's THE BEST video I have seen about Assertive communication. That was really helpful. Thank you so much!

Beautiful Job condensing these powerful messages. 7 years later this is a game changer for me.

This is such a great video. The presenter is also great at delivering the massage. Thank you!

What a gem this video is!

Intriguing content. Thanks for sharing. Assertiveness seems like a really tough skill to master. 👊🏽

I love this video. I like the dry-delivery and LOVE the content (explanation and examples). I would considering buying a class from Jef Gazley on Assertiveness (beyond just this DVD). I wish the videos all had a consistent formatting/production quality. I really like the 'Percolator Effect' explanation.

Hi Jef, thank you for putting out this timeless information! Great presentation!

This is so important communication skills because of all the hurt that people go through in daily life, thank you!

Thanks for this great video. I'm going to save it forever.

good job, your helping countless people and doing real good in this world. Thank you.

This is such a well developed series. Thank you.

Thank-You Jeff!! Great video!!

energy is only thirty percent of a feeling love is a feeling all feelings are love feelings felt and received as love are emanated as love and spiritual blessing authentic feelings manifest spiritual wisdom i definitely need practice communicating!!! the interpersonal bridge, tone of voice, eye contact etc. activation of shame - very true !!! a dysfunctional family video? Awesome!!! most people are disassociated !!! True !!!

@TheReetchou

3 жыл бұрын

thank you for this ❤️

Great video. Thanks for this concise and comprehensive rundown!

Very practical, precise and easy to understand. Thanks a lot!

The eloquence of speech and articulation of concepts has made me a subscriber. I enjoyed this video very much. Thank you.

Thank you for sharing your knowledge on KZread so it may benefit may benefit those of us trying to improve our lives.

Assertive -- adult. Yeah, right. If only adults could act like adults...

@jaket5751

4 жыл бұрын

I think it's supposed to indicate the maturity level rather than the age. There are men who act like children. There are kids who act more mature than adults.

Amazing clarity. Thank you.

My relationships are few lately. No bs tolerance is lonely. So I will improve my communication skills. Thanks. Have a blessed day.

great video! I'm learning to be more assertive instead of just bottling in emotions and ignoring them, takes time but I'll get better day by day. Its weird bc I love myself but I also kno I'm wayyyy to nice, gotta get comfy stepping out my comfort zone

Wow this helps me understand my anxiety. Especially about the energy and homeostasis. Thank you 😊

Thank you for sharing. So much good info that needs to be heard and practiced. 💕

Thank you for making and sharing this video! Amazing, this is so important!

Love the transactional analysis approach!

This lecture is great in terms of structure, images/slides, example with roles and clear explanation. Thank you, Jef!

I'm so glad I found your video.

I really loved it... Thank you!!!

So so so helpful. I needed to learn this right now! Thank you!

Very helpful video in understanding why we make specific word choices while speaking. True change is much harder than just swapping the words, but I think its a good starting point. Going from out to in, as we try also at the same time the difficult task of inner change.

This is awesome!

Awesome video. Thanks Jef.

Thanks! This is very helpful!

Such a powerful video. Thank you and continue to make videos like this. Love it

What a great lecture! I love the content and how it has been structured. I could give a lot of examples of my own life of the percolator effect...

I'm grateful for this

Thank you so much for the information and insights!!! 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾Well done!

Thanks for posting! This was great.

The video is very effective in bringing out the message. Thanks.

excellent training resource. well explained

Thank you very much, I really needed this help.

Wow, this is really great information! Thank you!

This is a video I would recommend to help people fully understand anger especially those who do not think that they have issues with this universal emotion. This will enable someone to do something about it.

When I’m in these type of situations, I normally just ignore the individual and consider the source. However, if they continue I then become assertive and try to get the issue resolved. Most of the time this strategy works; It mainly depends on the maturity & intelligence of the individual. Unfortunately, there are times when this approach does not work; their primarily feelings turn into anger and then become passive/ aggressive behavior.

Excellent! Thank you!!

Thanks from Kenya. There's lots of calmness in your voice too.

Thank you for sharing this, just what I needed. I hope to work on it from now on!

Thank you so much! This has been so helpful for me!

Insightful , I found this very useful in finding a way to manage a problem I have ...thank you very much for sharing . :)

I like the Burber reference towards the end. Thank you Jeff.

thank you! this was so insightful

wow. great video. thank you very much!

Kia Ora Jeff, the inner child has to grow up & unlearn misappropriated patterns & old behaviours it z imperative for us to live better lives to create a better world. Ngā mihi kia koe. Big ups to you Jeff. By loving ourselves we lovingly express towards others...not rehash old cycles that don't work. Letting go.

Very educational and helpful. Thank you ☺

Thank you!

Great! verey informative!

Thank you so much Jef for sharing this wonderful video and I am very great full to you all the time. When we look at this video from an organisational and personal relationship perspective , it is completely covered . Request you to keep sharing these type of videos for better learning.

This is so precious 🙏🏼

Thank you very much, you've done a great work mr😊

Dear Jef, I love your video and calm steady voice. Greetings from the Netherlands (an NVC student)

Really glad someone made a good video about this matter, thank you Jef. Subscribed

really nice calm style and useful content ,thank you

This video is easy to follow and a very helpful tool. Thank you

Its very detailed and informative . Thanks for sharing!

Negative paradigms caused by mostly bullying and lack of parental support when a child will cause this......Thats me....

@eviltree6779

8 жыл бұрын

The good news is, we have a chance to make change. I think it really gives perspective on how important these things can be.

@OfftoShambala

8 жыл бұрын

me three

@gangmang1

6 жыл бұрын

Now you're aware of the roots of your problem I feel you should no longer blame them for the way that you are now. You have to make that change because now it's you're fault for lack of confidence. Just expressing my point of view.

@crismeloearth

6 жыл бұрын

me four and the guy i married

@crismeloearth

6 жыл бұрын

+Beng George, your POV was expressed very shamefully...you "should" work on your communicating skills some more. And grammar too.

Thank you so much this is really useful!!!!

This video is powerful

Thank you for making this resource, a great and helpful presentation

I wish I’d have found this video a long time ago. Thanks so much

I just found this and found it incredibly helpful and insightful 🙏 Thank you for sharing your knowledge and wisdom ❤ listening from Ireland 🇮🇪 ☘

I suppressed my feelings for years and had eating disorders, substance abuse problems, stomach problems, anxiety, shallow breathing, severe anxiety, etc.

I’ve tried all this with my husband !! Hasn’t worked it’s called being taken fur granted after30 yrs.

Awesome video sir, thank you

Awesome Video

I wish I was more assertive in my approach. Feels like people can just walk all over me and I can't seem to say no

This is a great video

I know for certain I need this class .