Here are the timestamps. Please check out our sponsors to support this podcast. 0:00 - Introduction & sponsor mentions: - Shopify: shopify.com/lex to get free trial - Indeed: indeed.com/lex to get $75 credit - InsideTracker: insidetracker.com/lex to get 20% off 0:59 - Negotiation 6:50 - Reason vs Emotion 21:45 - How to listen 30:35 - Negotiation with terrorists 32:43 - Brittney Griner 34:21 - Putin and Zelenskyy 41:41 - Donald Trump 48:52 - When to walk away 53:06 - Israel and Palestine 1:00:45 - Al-Qaeda 1:06:15 - Three voices of negotiation 1:14:40 - Strategic umbrage 1:17:46 - Mirroring 1:20:57 - Labeling 1:28:24 - Exhaustion 1:30:38 - The word "fair" 1:33:34 - Closing the deal 1:35:32 - Manipulation and lying 1:37:26 - Conversation vs Negotiation 1:48:45 - The 7-38-55 Rule 1:52:45 - Chatbots 2:02:07 - War 2:03:39 - Advice for young people

@mymoodmyvibez7111

Жыл бұрын

Which books were referenced in this video? Thanks in advance

@markjones4186

Жыл бұрын

Man I have been waiting for this one to happen!!!!! Just started but am really looking forward to it!!!

@markjones4186

Жыл бұрын

I absolutely love what he is saying about the difference between empathy and sympathy. Most people don't even know what empathy means and confuse it with sympathy. All of these 'Love' people are actually in most cases enabling bad behavior by justifying it in the name of empathy. Empathy is not agreeing or justifying bad behavior, but simply an understanding of how someone through there life experiences gets to the place that they are at. "Walk a mile in another man's shoes" resonate with anyone? it is in now way agreeing, it is only understanding how!

@jeffk464

Жыл бұрын

He has good hair for an old man

@InfoSopher

Жыл бұрын

Lex, why not interview a homeless person? Could maybe do it on the street.

Never Split The Difference is one of those books that changed how I approach my life and career, and it's been on the up ever since. Thank you Mr Voss.

@aleksandraostrowska9095

Жыл бұрын

Can you shortly describe how and why it was so important? I see a lot of similar comments here so I'm tempted to check it out, but I wonder what people have to say about it

@tarik20

Жыл бұрын

@@aleksandraostrowska9095 I'd like to know, too

@anthonyphan1922

Жыл бұрын

It teachs you how to be in people (kidnapper, terrorist) shoes. Understand what they FEEL and that feeling lead to what they Think and Act. You get the idea

@PREPPERINES

Жыл бұрын

Man I completely agree. Once you read that book you will never see the world the same again, for the better! There are no adversaries, only partners. It’s. A must read, especially the black swan part.

@GDIBass

Жыл бұрын

Seconded. It changed the way I think about negotiation altogether. I'm going to give it a reread here soon.

"You're funnier than i am, that bothers me." What a profoundly insightful and self-confident statement. This interview is fantastic!!!

@raunelcorona2689

Жыл бұрын

Elaborate please 🤔

@halfeld

Жыл бұрын

"You're funnier than I am and that's ok" is what I'd call a self-confident statement.

@mvallejo1111

Жыл бұрын

Chris Cos is so incredibly intelligent and insightful. No wonder he was the most successful negotiator in the FBI

@AA-nh4fx

Жыл бұрын

I read this comment at the exact moment he said that

@Neisey

Жыл бұрын

They’re low key flirting with each other lol

This whole conversation never stopped being interesting. One of my favorites already.

@alexandrameerbach2743

Жыл бұрын

I agree. I've taught communication skills and am consistently learning and hearing new strategies to engage. Loved it!

@peantud12

Жыл бұрын

100%

@andrewferguson6901

Жыл бұрын

Professional speaker speaking well is always a treat

Mr Voss is like that silent uncle that knows everything and just smiles...both chill and tough...you know he knows you know . Big soul, big responsabity...🇫🇷 Merci Lex

@elmorganou

Жыл бұрын

Also thank you because this may help with my daughter...although she coule probably break you 😉

It's wild that he asks "why me, what am I doing here?" Within the first 15 mins I could tell this was going to be one of my favourite episodes. I always know the guests will be interesting but it never fails to amaze me how much deeper and even more interesting they get on this pod. Lex is the best at bringing out people's unique wisdom and perspective.

@roadrunner9622

Жыл бұрын

One thing I wish Lex would do, is bring on people who are NOT elite, and yet still bring value out of them. Strippers, gang members, a homeless guy, a prisoner, etc.

@LetoDK

Жыл бұрын

I agree. We are lucky that Lex mostly stays out of their way. In this one, Lex at least waited till the end before spending time on his fundamental lack of understanding of how things work (including AI and the human brain). Mostly he stays out of the way, and lets the brilliant guests share their findings.

@gynn

Жыл бұрын

@@roadrunner9622 Check out Soft White Underbelly. He does that style of video and is a great non-invasive interviewer

@roadrunner9622

Жыл бұрын

@@gynn Thanks, I'll check it out

@paul8marsh

8 ай бұрын

@@LetoDK are you kidding? He interrupts and argues from his ignorant perspective all the time, then suddenly laughs for 3 minutes and they delve into discussing something completely unrelated because apparently mr Friedman is too good to behave like a decent human being

Lex is human who finds other people human no matter the difference. Super underrated quality

@maxbean8781

Жыл бұрын

Well said Brian !!

Almost three years ago I was stopped by a direct tv salesman in a mall. I was having a really hard day. I had just started life as a single father and didn't have my shit together. This guy stopped me and looked me dead in the eye and said, "if no one told you today , I just want to tell you, you are doing a great job." That guy probably knows that he changed my day that day. What he probably doesn't know is that because of what he said I have changed the days of so many people. What that guy said to me made me feel seen, and he had empathy for my situation. Which has stuck with me 3 years later. 1:41:33

@melaniefong8211

Жыл бұрын

he's a salesman, wouldn't take it personally

@kmvoock

Жыл бұрын

This. THIS! This is what it's all about. ❤️✌🏼

@InfinitiG-gz7ic

Жыл бұрын

@@melaniefong8211 he’s also a human being.

@InfinitiG-gz7ic

Жыл бұрын

That’s beautiful dog

@ALCRAN2010

Жыл бұрын

​@@melaniefong8211 fk that. Unless the emotion is genuine, a salesman cannot change your mind. After you treat thousands of people, there becomes an intuition about reading people. Today it's called "training the AI".

Unexpectedly, one of my favorite episodes.

@the0nlytrueprophet942

Жыл бұрын

One of your favourite episodes?

@wkern74

Жыл бұрын

​@@the0nlytrueprophet942 that's exactly what John said isn't it?

@the0nlytrueprophet942

Жыл бұрын

@@wkern74 It’s mirroring

@wkern74

Жыл бұрын

@@the0nlytrueprophet942 lol 🥴

One of my favorite Lex quotes to this day - "It's hard for me to trust a person who is not aware of their own demons." Very wise words! Chris - The completed negotiation of a lost soul on the other end of the phone line agreeing to make it through that long dark night is a beautiful act of kindness, empathy, and cosmic Agape love. Spirit thanks you for your service to humanity and for sharing your wonderful insight with us all. 👁⭐️👁✌️🦄

@caitycroft

Жыл бұрын

I wrote down that quote before I saw you wrote it…so brilliant

@cheechvda

Жыл бұрын

Kanye interview comes to mind

@Ididntaskforahandleyoutube

Жыл бұрын

This is not a dig, mate. Not at all. It's a total side point but it's interesting how Christians emphasize Agape as though it's superior to the other forms of love in Koine Greek. I would recommend the works of Dan Wallace. His books on ancient Greek are incredible. Check them out. Cheers

@OneDayOrDayOne_117

Жыл бұрын

I had trouble reading that but I think I get it.

@TheTarotDJ333

Жыл бұрын

@RobotWookiee I'm not a practicing Christian myself. Here in the United States, Christianity is the largest organized religion, and this organized religion has leeched into our political system specifically to remove rights from others through oppression. For example, access to abortion - there are states here who have now made it illegal for, say, an 11 year old (yes, some 11 year old girls get their period) rape victim to terminate the rape pregnancy - yes, even due to rap or incest - no exceptions. (The punishment is worse for the victim than the rapist). This is what's happening over here. All in the name of Christianity for that "soul" of shrimpy lookin' undeveloped cells growing in the girl because it will eventually turn into a baby. Nobody gives a crap about the REAL girl, though. They are forgetting that Freedom of Religion means exactly that - FREEDOM OF THEIR RELIGIOUS BELIEFS on the rest of us. But God Didn’t Say That: Religious Community Members Talk God and Abortion kzread.info/dash/bejne/aplmmLuFY5C6kqg.html It's important that we remind Christians (*especially gun toting supremacists) what true Agape Love is - Martin Luther King on "Agape," a Form of Love at the Core of Nonviolent Resistance kzread.info/dash/bejne/X6B_tJKchpzgmtI.html We just needed some Jews to point out what that vibration is. :) Love the book recommendation - thanks!

Getting to see Mr. Fridman laughing his heart out is the best thing about this conversation.

It is unreasonable that I can wake up at noon, plop my laptop on my chest, arbitrarily slap at my keyboard a couple times, and pure gold and diamonds come pooring out of the screen like this. Thank you for facilitating such a valuable transfer of knowledge and understanding. Also for your part, an especially strong showing of your own insights on these topics. Amazing job interogating Chris.

@grandmastaal

Жыл бұрын

GET A JOB 😅 just kidding. Isn’t the world wonderful

@adampetros5878

Жыл бұрын

Life is good

@bebechillonchillon

Жыл бұрын

Wait 20 years and you will be able to consume the lex fridman podcast with a suppository. Easy and simple. And 100%memory retention

@Etcher

Жыл бұрын

"You need to git up, git out and git something" but not before you watch/listen to all 2h 10m of this interview

@queenadarona4451

Жыл бұрын

I listen to these things while I’m sleeping.

One of my all-time favorite Lex interviews. I didn't expect it to be so compelling but the insights were extraordinary. Also the interaction between Lex and Chris was just fun to listen to and watch!

@chemonmusic

2 ай бұрын

Sound like you’ve got a reason for saying that?

the world's best interviewer and the world's best negotiator walk into a podcast....

I love Chris Voss! Tactical Empathy is such an essential understanding to have. Never Split the Difference is at the top of my book recommend list! 🔥🔥🔥

@MyHandleIs

Жыл бұрын

You can tell he used to have a ponytail

@johnw3772

Жыл бұрын

​@@MyHandleIs I wonder if I'll see you say this exact thing on another comment for the third time, get a life

@MyHandleIs

Жыл бұрын

@@johnw3772 Sometimes in life you can tell he used to have a ponytail

I keep repeating this, Lex .. you are so human and likable. Wonderful podcast.

Comfortable silence with someone is priceless for me.

This CD is very calming kzread.infoUgkxzpa8CIfZcihW4Z0F_ja0QF3W9KIatrsq the first meditation focuses on breathing, the second guides you through the Buddhist metta bhavana--loving kindness to all, and the third is a meditation to be used when walking. him is originally from Scotland, so there is a little accent to his voice, but it is very soothing and not at all distracting. If you are a beginner to meditation, this CD will walk you through all the steps of relaxing and breathing as well as sending out the positive thoughts of love and kindness that will be returned to you. We have several CD's, but this one is a favorite that we choose most often.

This is one of the best Chris Voss interviews out there. And I’ve heard a LOT of them!

I love seeing Chris as a guest on all the best podcasts now. I have learned so much from this guy and his son Brandon. Now, I have the opportunity to learn the characteristics of what differentiates the smaller podcasts from the most successful ones. Lex proves that the real value in a great podcast does not come from the esthetics of the set or the marketing materials. The greatest value comes from conversations that provide new ideas. They have the ability to show you new perspectives of a person or subject that you had not seen.

It's amazing to me how we get these amazing, brilliant people on the show and then discover that they also love to watch Lex's podcast. Lex is hitting the bullseye with his way of doing things.

Thank you for bringing him on! I absolutely adored his book "Never split the difference".

@bigben42

Жыл бұрын

It’s such a great book, definitely helped me stand for myself

@raighnman179

Жыл бұрын

i would give a least half to the us military and us policd offers

This has to be the BEST Lex podcast to date. Chris Voss is legendary in my lore and this coming together of Lex and Chris was the event of the decade!!! 🎉

Started with the Lex Clips, and then moved into the full podcast. What an interesting two hours. Such an unassuming but intensely interesting guest. And of course Lex does a masterful job hosting.

Your podcasts are great! They become amazing when the guest and the topic discussed hit real close to home. Life changing content with Lex! Happy to be a fan!

Chris Voss is the GOAT of teaching negotiation! Great job Lex. I really respect how you conduct yourself in your interviews. You always ask such insightful questions. Lots of love

Fascinating... What a wise person Chris Voss is!! I love the fact that he puts "empathy" as the key to negotiate. Thanks Lex.

@semicedevine6918

Жыл бұрын

it fits perfectly because lex is a huge fan of empathy as well, this podcast was more a convo about empathy than negotiating at some point

I can totally relate to Chris's statement "Integrity is my currency " As a former law enforcement officer in the 90's I find that it nails it.

I love it when Lex is relaxed and just enjoying the guest and having fun. This was a fascinating conversation.

One of my absolute favorite guests. I started watching on a whim, and I'm so glad I did. Fascinating.

Lex your voice is so soothing to my soul. The way you feel love towards people is the way I feel about them. I am aware of the evil of some people, but when I meet people I see the best in them. I talk to everyone who crosses my path. If someone is negative, I say, they are having a bad day, and I just move on. We never know what a person is going through. Loved your guest.

Chris Voss is the best guy on negotiation - I've read them all, tried them all. I use tactical no questions all the time and they work 100% of the time.

One of the most practically useful interviews I’ve ever seen. Mr. Voss did a great job drawing Lex into the conversation more than is typical (for Lex). “What are we doing here?” Best question!

I accidentally discovered Chris on KZread today and looked up Lex’ podcast in case he made an episode with Chris. So happy you did! I am here for extra intelligent questions, insights and just a brilliant conversation between two brilliant minds. Thank you ☺️

His face in thumbnail: 🗿 His energy: 🙂

This is the book on my bed side ryt now. I did not hesitate to listen to the conversation

One more incredible interview. Two genuine people in a real quest of understanding.

LOVE Chris Voss!! Discovered him via MasterClass and I’ll never forget how much impact he had on me. I apply his techniques across the board (work, healthcare, etc) and it works every time. It moved me to tears!! YAY LEX! Great guest. Diving right in ❤

I watched his master class a good 7 times. Amazing person. So stoked to see him on here Lex 🙏

@Mase32

Жыл бұрын

Where can I find his master class? Twat is it called?

@genesises

Жыл бұрын

@@Mase32 search for it here on YT lol

@ShaneKnockItOff

Жыл бұрын

Its an app called MasterClass

Lex Fridman - you are well on the road to establishing yourself as a National Treasure. Quite the accomplishment for one so young. Keep up the great work and please keep in mind the things that tend to derail raising stars. Sorry for the lecture. You have a great heart.

Thank you so much lex I literally just finished his book it was so hopeful! You are an unreal human

Lex never fails at bringing conversations with amazing people to light. All with love ❤️

Awesome guest. I've read Chris' book and apply a lot of his techniques on a daily basis, in private life as well as in my job as customer support. The great thing is, they're easy to use, but they aren't manipulative. Using labeling with people you like is a great way to bring out good emotions in them, and an even better way to dispel bad ones.

@superbarnie

Жыл бұрын

Which techniques do you find useful? I read this guys book and unfortunately I really found most of it to be of limited usefulness. I really don’t understand the whole thing where he says that if you get someone to say “that’s right” then suddenly they’ll do whatever you want them to do. It doesn’t make any sense. And the “calibrated questions” concept makes no sense either. Like how is repeatedly saying “how am I supposed to do that?” going to convince anyone of anything? A lot of his concepts just seems kinda hokey to me and he backs them up with outlandish anecdotes that don’t really apply to daily life.

@thejuiceweasel

Жыл бұрын

@@superbarnie I guess most important is to not see them as magic words that make the other person your puppet. Appealing to _their_ sense of empathy is key to all of it. Does it feel bad to get yelled at? Yeah, so make them realize what they're doing. Are they asking something unreasonable? Make them think about how it is even humanly possible to do so. These techniques are designed to make _them_ feel better, to make _them_ stop and think about the situation. And if you've been acting honestly, chances are high that they'll give you the time of the day. Mirrors and calibrated (open ended) questions are good tools for that, but labels are something else. Labeling anger or sadness opens people up, and labeling pride and joy boosts these emotions even more.

@15:00 The WAY Chris acknowledged the belief DOES put them on the same side, energetically. And he’s so right, you can’t fake it, or tell someone you have been in their shoes when you haven’t, but he is still practicing “alignment”.

Loved this episode and the chemistry you both cultivated throughout. Thank you Lex!

I read Never split the difference a few years ago. Amazing book with some crazy stories. I can’t wait to listen to this one!

Excellent! Chris is an amazing addition to this podcast. Can’t wait to listen

I lost you when you made Irael the good guys!!!

This is a great interview. I listened on Spotify, and still have to watch again on KZread to watch the body language. Well done Lex

Just started reading Never Split the Difference. Excited for this interview! Thanks Lex 🙌🏼

FASCINATING and fun, love the dynamic between Lex and Chris. I remember taking a negotiation course in school which focused on "Getting to Yes" for the course reading, will pick up Chris' book. Without oversimplifying, I love how a lot of the skills and success tactics come down to genuinely trying to understand the other person's position; again, not to oversimplify, but so many people just want to feel heard and understood. "A core of it is empathy".... YES.

My Dad, may he rest in peace, was a hostage negotiator. Listening to this guy is like going back in time. Thank you, Lex.

This wide ranging and fearless conversation and maybe negotiation of words, ideas and feelings was brilliant! ❤️

What a Friday treat! Thank you both!

This was a perfect interview with a perfect guest. Couldn't stop listening to this guy.

Yessss!!! Thank you for having Chris voss. I always try to listen to this dude wherever he is

I'm always impressed with the intellectual rigor and curiosity of the guests on this podcast. Thank you for providing such a valuable resource for learning.

Fascinating. I’ve only recently discovered your podcasts but have already learned so much. You’re a gifted interviewer, in part because of your extensive research, in part because you’re an incredible listener with a wide curiosity about EVERYTHING! Well done, again. Thank you,

@ChipSelden

Жыл бұрын

Welcome to the club! Been fascinated by Lex for a long time now and it never gets old.

Amazing conversation and pod cast!!! Thank you so very much. I’ve forwarded this to my son in hopes he’ll get enlightened and learn from the both of you wonderful human beings

Chriss Voss has been interviewed a lot. This is with out a doubt THE BEST! Good job Lex Fridman 😊

Thought about buying his book already, now these two men and this wonderful conversation have closed the deal.

This is my favorite Lex Fridman Podcast I have ever listened to. Great job Chris and Lex!😎💯🧬🧠🥇

Love both of these guys. Both had and still have much influence on my life. Bravo Lex!

You are probably one of my favorite people alive for all that’s worth to the world. Cool to be around to watch.

WOW Lex one of the best guest ever and you did a great job of letting him talk and not interupting.

I think empathy is a word that we need to get under consensus definition. There are two ways people use empathy as a term, one to describe an emotional process, and the other to describe an intellectual process. In some of the literature I've read these are referred to as emotional empathy and cognitive empathy. For many people in many situations they have overlap so they can appear as one thing, but they do not always load onto each other either situationally or between individuals. Emotional empathy is "bottom up", that is the emotions of another person are felt and personally embodied, and thus provide understanding of the other. Cognitive empathy is top down, that is it is a process of arriving at an understanding of another person's perspective through thinking through it with knowledge of the world and people. A test as to the effectiveness or accuracy of either strategy can be weather you are able to predict the desires for further thoughts of another individual based on either process. I'm almost completely certain that when Sam refers to empathy and it not being important, he's referring to the emotional empathy version. The example here of Putin is an example of cognitive empathy.

@freshmojito

3 ай бұрын

Very good point, thanks for sharing your thoughts on this. I might have spotted another difference in Sam's and Lex's view on empathy. Sam seems to be talking about an ideal scenario, a homo oeconomicus or goal which we as humans should strive for to live a better life. Lex and his guest seem to be talking more about the realities of life: if both you and your negotiation partner are a bit irrational, because that's just what humans are, then empathy even just on one side could probably improve this situation. Whereas reason might not improve it, because both sides would have to be reasonable.

this feel like a podcast with lex from a guy that would be the sum of lex long time listeners.

Took Chris's Masterclass and it was very interesting. Really had me wanting to learn more about the subject of tactical empathy and strategy of negotiations. Top-notch guest.

1:10:18 “…accommodator… I hope this works out…” *queue the intense nose breathing

Voss tells story about memorable conversations where he helped people fix their own situation by saying a few words. Lex says “I don’t like goodbyes.” Voss; “seems total, right?” does exactly the same thing with Lex. Hahahaha. Can’t help but listen and make people better.

Love Chris--he is brilliant, humble, and hilarious... with true grit.

This video popped up on my feed. Fantastic. Chris Voss talks in normal English, cutting straight to the point. Speaking clearly about human nature sounds easy but is the most difficult thing to do. An amazing intellect.

Watching his masterclass at the start of my sales career was one of the greatest things I’ve ever done

Lex, you’re getting all the right guests! Please have on Peter Zeihan next!

This is one of the most interesting and informative podcasts that I have listened to in a long time.

“Reason does not exist” that could be untangled as an entire podcast of its own.

“I’m okay with you getting yours, just don’t take it out of my hide” - exceptional quote

CHRIS VOSS ❤ Great dude!!

I believe Chris’ best interview. Thank you both.

Definitely my favourite episode I’ve listened to so far

Great show today lex!

Chris has been an amazing influence on me in sales. Great guest Lex!

I just finished Never Split the Difference today. This is the 1st youtube video i see. What a gift!!

I never would've guessed this amazing man as a guest, Lex, as always, youve outdone yourself 😊

I feel like my depression is holding me hostage.

@jonathanalpart7812

Жыл бұрын

Where do you and your depression want to be in ten years? What does it want?

@OneDayOrDayOne_117

Жыл бұрын

I'm on my way to the hospital today, my sister has convinced me to go. She's a brilliant sister and I don't know where I'd be without her. Thankyou guys.

@your_local_gacha_girl5077

9 ай бұрын

Hope you're ok 🙏🏿

@andymurray5045

7 ай бұрын

I hope you're doing better buddy

im suppose to be working right now...smh.... but im loving this convo too much.... F U Lex..LOL

This has been one of my favorite podcasts by lex so far.

I have had the pleasure of this program and it is beyond training. The insight reaches every aspect of your life. It can be applied to sales. And poker. Seriously the two best heads up interviewers in one room. #AudioGold

Hi Lex, really enjoyed this podcast, thank you. Sometime could you please do a podcast with Prof Sam Vaknin? I think he would have lots to add, he has taught all over the world including Russia.

@rickrichter5068

Жыл бұрын

The guy actually introduced the term Narcissistic Personality Disorder

@kellysmith7511

Жыл бұрын

@@rickrichter5068 Yes I think so

@kellysownytube1599

Жыл бұрын

Yes Lex, Please get Sam Vaknin on!

Lex you are my absolute hero. Thank you so much for what you are doing. You are so, so valuable to me. I love you Brother.

Fantastic interview, first one I’ve watched start to finish. Read Chris’ book when I first started in sales and helped me greatly!

LOVE this interview. Thanks for sharing it!

this was one of my favourite chats, thank you lex and chris

Great conversation, Lex and Chris! The art of navigating with people is very layered, and you both illuminate and illustrate the choreography and complexities with intelligence and humor. I believe staying in tune with your own values is an important core directive. ✨️

Man, you dedicated so much time on this, amazing!

So many good lines in this one. Another great interview Lex.

I bet it's funny when it turns out the person he was negotiating with was also a FBI agent half the time

Thanks for another banger, Lex!

Thank you for giving the guests room to speak. So many interviewers seem to have to do most of the talking. When that happens, I click away. Intelligent, softly guiding, stable interview style. Thanks!

So helpful & fascinating. Understanding is just so important.