When I confronted my husband on his cheating on me he replied “Everybody do that, it is natural in a happy marriage, I am ok if you do it as well.” What!!!???Unbelievable.

Today I found out I'm a cerebral schizoid narcissist. huh.

It's heartbreaking for both sides...

This is exactly the dynamic between me and my husband. I am blown away how accurate, and I'm only halfway through the video (taking notes). I haven't acted on his requests which makes him more and more persistent and irritable when I won't do it. This whole time I thought he just had an alterior motive to get me to cheat. It makes me sad that he is really okay with this. He left his previous wife because she cheated and insists it was "different" because she was actually looking for another partner.

@sofiemedinag6474

3 жыл бұрын

What are his requests? If you don’t mind me asking

Wow! My life summed up in 30 minutes! What about when kids are involved? It seems like he truly loves our kids. But of course I'm dumb and think even though he tells me to cheat, I'm sure he still loves me! He just doesn't want me to leave.

That is a heartbreak and Intersting, unfortunately many practice infidelity these days. Celibacy can be a choice. Not all women and men are promiscuous. There are many who keep their vows in sickness and health.

My ex husband is a schizoid narcissist. I suffered a lot, because I felt like I was relating to nothing. He never existed, our daughter was missing things, and he didn't even realize it. It would be interesting to know a little about the relationship between narcissistic schizoids and their children. I just wanted to have a happy family and he ended that dream of mine. Even with family, I was alone.

Oh my gosh the cutting off sex part it’s exactly it

I had this dynamic with a friend for almost 10 years, he was my roommate and my boyfriend was in another country by 2 years, afterwards I broke up with my boyfriend and we moved to different countries but we stayed in touch every 3 to 4 months traveling around (as a relationship) while I was dating other guys or entering and exiting of other relationships with different narcissists or guys, I want a normal relationship but, not easy, well since 3 months ago he is with another girl who is very excited with him, I think she still does not notices anything maybe she will accept everything. Sam Vaknin has saved me a lot of time and tears, understanding narcissism is key to runaway in the right moment, but I need to attract someone a little more normal or at least functional.

Would it be possible to access your database to study the topic ? I could formulate hypothesis and with your expertise and consulting correlate the theory to study the assumptions. Let me know if your interested in a collaboration.

What if I'm becoming one? I feel repulsed and heartbroken every time I am cheated on. But I came to rationalize the cheating. And as I became more sexually frustrated I began to feel rather emasculated. As there is something that stops me from touching another woman even if I desire with all my body and heart. I do believe that between all the mental games, self sabotaging and stress ai fucked up my mind. At first, when I was heartbroken I could connect with women. Now I'm very messed up. I'm a week of no contact. And at least now I can relive myself without guilt. I suppose I'll begin healing.

Can one be both schizoid and somatic when it comes to sexuality? If they frequently sleep around and encourage their partner to as well?

@samvaknin

3 жыл бұрын

Yes, they can.

But she was a cheater, so how does this work?

Could narcissim in this case be a defense against a high IQ ? ( Lack of understand - and being understood - of/from others ).

@samvaknin

3 жыл бұрын

According to Cleckley, Miller, and others, yes. It may even devolve into psychopathy.

@sabelafidalgo3023

3 жыл бұрын

@@samvaknin Thanks!, I'll check the papers.

This reminds me of my autistic husband. Heart breaking.

@seviyorim

3 жыл бұрын

Intriguing..., in what way?

@meagenjaeger5003

3 жыл бұрын

He doesnt feel there....I cant explain it. My husband also doesn't get jealous or show emotions. Even when I finally asked for a divorce. Its confusing.

@seviyorim

3 жыл бұрын

@@meagenjaeger5003 I’m supposing he did otherwise show signs of caring in some form, which makes it contradictory and so all the more heartbreaking.

@meagenjaeger5003

3 жыл бұрын

@ᴀʟɪᴄᴇ ɪɴ ᴡᴏɴᴅᴇʀʟᴀɴᴅ cuz at the time I wasn't aware of what i was experiencing. This was like 10 years ago. Andrew he was diagnosed by a Psychologist about 4 years into the marriage.

@WhyNot-cg2bi

3 жыл бұрын

@ᴀʟɪᴄᴇ ɪɴ ᴡᴏɴᴅᴇʀʟᴀɴᴅ have you ever done that?

Does the narcissist experience mortification when the partner does not give in and cheat? If it is aggrandizing to believe that they have forced their partner to cheat it seems as if it would deflate/mortify to not have caused the partner to break their moral boundaries, especially if they blamed their own cheating on the assumption that they were being cheated on.

@samvaknin

3 жыл бұрын

Mortification requires active humiliation and shaming, usually in public.

@loreen1340

3 жыл бұрын

@@samvaknin I hope not to make the error of forgetting if you have made this clear in a video I have watched, but it feels unclear to me if they can do so to themselves. Does it have to be done by their "victim" or can it be done by others as a result of the scenario related to the victim? Can they feel public shame from their social group with regard to their actions towards the victim or is it necessary for it to be from the victim themselves publicly, for example? Since it is a shared fantasy (however deconstructed at that point) it makes sense to me that it would need to be demolished in isolation to be relevant enough, yet it also seems sensible that the mortification can happen in the context of obstructing relationships desired by the narcissist that are outside of the circumstance. I guess I'm curious about how compartmentalized this can be given that each relationship the narcissist has is maintained with different goals/agendas to satisfy different needs that may not be interrelated from the narcissists point of view.

I'd say everyone I've ever met has narssastric traits be it small or big, I've met extremely physically violent people who are also sensitive, cry, feel hurt, greith at the loss of a loved one, also I've met gentle people who seemingly wouldn't hurt a fly but still lack empathy when walking past a homeless person not batting a eye lid, when their partners parent has died showing no compassion, not shedding a tear when their pet passes away but becoming angry and reluctant to show any sad emotions, I think some narssastric traits are defense mechanisms, sometime it's not that a person is narssastric and doesn't have "normal" human emotions but it's because their scared to be hurt so they build big walls, terrified of death, loss, disloyalty, loneliness, weakness, things being out of control (is that really narssastric) does that mean they don't have the same underlying human emotions as those who can easily show their afraid? Scared? Hurt? Broken? Or does it mean that actually these people need some serious help? To know it's okay to let their guard down it's okay to love and be loved, it's okay to be hurt its not the end of the world, it's okay to show emotions? It's actually very rare for someone to be a genuine narssastric person who really has (no empathy) - but VERY common for people to have issues in showing empathy. (celebrate narssasis) - do they really not feel any pain when their partner cheats or do they just have a problem showing that they care, do they maybe just see the world in a different way? Do they maybe love in their own way? Everything is perception we all precive the world in our own unique way, they might just be a select few who don't need lots of intimacy to feel loved or desired, they might have a low sex drive (they are human and operating on their own level) I believe they do love but in their own way in a way only they know how to, for us of course we don't get it and it's confusing and we don't feel loved because that's not the way we do things that's not the way we love or show emotions but it seems to me like everyone's partner or ex is somewhere on the narssastric spectrum or has a few traits if not all tbe traits, what people generally do in diagnosing these people is take away all of their qualities and say its all evil all coming from a bad place like this human being is acting with a motive 100% of the time, so the cup of tea or the flowers ment absolutely nothing like this person just sat there cooking up a plan in their head. Most people are not that devious. I do believe there are very evil cold people in this world but alot of the traits I believe are defense mechanisms of being apart of this cold world. Being empathetic is absolutely painful, I remember greithing my daughter and thinking I wish I was a phycophath or narssastric so I wouldn't care because the pain was just so unbelievable I wanted to die, I went through some horrific things in my life from childhood and wished I have no feelings, I always felt the pain of those around me, I cried with others and felt so helpless, I still battle so badly with all of this (in a ideal world we would all have balance but unfortunately the worlds a mess and just not like that) to a certain degree I think people gravitate towards those who lack emotions because it shows stability, no weakness.... If we are weak ourselves and everything hurts us from seeing a sad article to a squirrel getting run over (if we are set to a state of mental paralysis who's going to carry on) really? Who's going to do the shopping when we are depressed and crying? Who's going to carry on taking care of the kids and home when we are greithing? Someone has to be able to suppress feelings and carry on or we all fall down. (my ex fits all the traits you mentioned but I believe it was for different reasons I believe it was all his defense mechanism he had built up after years of neglect he had suffered himself through child hood and his teenage years) the only way we can break this circle is by showing our children lots of love be affectionate, compassionate and caring.

My cerebral narcissist would get really horny if I cheated on him and wanted to have sex with me at that point. Always fantasies of me having sex with other people and he watching. He gets somatic during crises and when we are about to end the relationship, we would have sex once on twice, and when everything is "normal" he becomes asexual again and back to his porn addiction. It's super sad not being able to help him or make him notice the cycle we are in. He would not visit a psychologist and at this point, I believe is hopeless.

@samvaknin

9 күн бұрын

Search the channel for “betrayal fantasy”.

@matiasdeangeli114

9 күн бұрын

@@samvaknin Thanks Dr. for your reply and all the content you have uploaded. As a man of science as well, I have searched everywhere trying to figure out this problem, what was going on in this relationship, the whole situation was burning my head, but now, with all your explanations I have found some peace. I hope your content gets translated and spread all over the world, I am sure it can save lives or at least prevent years of toxic relationships.