Some people can make you feel warm and at home in a very short order while you can know others for years who seem cool and detached. This is not about manipulation, it's about life. Hosting a function at work or going to a parent-teacher conference would be easier with this skill.

I absolutely agree. If you can sincerely help others feel comfortable and confident, that goes a long way in building relationships.

I think the biggest part of breaking the ice is making the other person feel confident.

In an ideal world, that would be perfect and people would be able to tell you their values. But not only is this an awkward question, not everyone really understands what "values" are. Instead, we ask them open-ended questions about their values to help them make the distinction.

Maybe theres more to this workshop then the 5 minutes on the video but rapport is built through HOW we talk to others not necessarily WHAT we walk about.

@nicky191

5 жыл бұрын

That is so wrong..... its not HOW its WHAT other way

When music is involved, it's a huge rapport factor. Just watch how a group of strangers dance together to their favorite music. Better yet, watch how a room divides when one style of music comes on and favors one group of people while the other group sit the song out.

THANKS, Camilla! Enjoy all the videos - there's a whole bunch!

Love your approach to personality typing. Very practical. Keep up the great work!

I appreciate your comment and love where you're coming from. I think we can get great value out of both questions - it all depends on which is more important to the other person. A big part of their heritage may come from where they are from...or they might really love where they are living and raising a family now. Either way, great opening questions!

This is great advice. Building rapport is so important. I love the whole "future-based questions" suggestion. That's so great because it sets the context - I truly believe that most communication is not understood, so the more clear you can set-up something the better. I also heard that a study was done showing that folks who listened to the same kind of music had almost instant rapport with each other. Do you agree that music is a big part of relating to other folks?

this is really smart! thank you :)

Thanks, Lynn! That's exactly what this is for!

"Sorry I'm late - my 5 year old wanted to draw me a picture for my trip. 5 year olds, right?! Bob, do you have kids?" Easy as that! Thanks for your work, Coach.

Cool. You are just getting their vision. Love it.

Rebecca - you can learn to do it. Become a great listener, focus on the person you're learning about, look for visual cues to see if they're interested (eye contact, etc.), and be open and honest about yourself. There's a good start. Good luck!

I seriously love all your videos! :)

this helped me a lot..thanks!

Thanks, Jason!

@markusariliu Yes, I agree, a subtle approach is best. You may notice that the participants are about to practice this exercise as the video comes to an end. The reponse is this: strangers feel a 7-8 relationship (scale of 1-10, with 10 being best friend), and they have also imitated the physical gestures and tone of their partner without even realizing it. Pretty amazing stuff.

@JohnnieNaked It's not about prying, but simple questions about things that people actually care about. "Where are you from? Do you grow up around here? What do you and any other staffers/neighbors/friends do after work hours or on the weekend?" Start basic, and as rapport grows, you'll know if and how deep to take the conversation. Thanks for your thoughts!

@Noospherebusiness - This is the conversation starter for synchornizing the communication - through body language and rhythm. Try it with a few people, and you'll notice that the conversation goes in a strong, positive direction. Let me know how it goes for you!

That definitely works with a lot of people, though it's a bit more challenging with strangers or people who aren't ready to open up. So, talk about them and what's likely important to them (see video), and then they may be more willing to open up.

I think its all about NOT asking just yes or no questions.....SUUUBBBSTANNNCCE

Give it a shot. You'd be surprised how much people are willing to open up when you talk to their values (home, family/friends, etc.). You can ask about future plans once you have rapport.

@vladtyb9487

3 жыл бұрын

Appreciate Video clip! Forgive me for the intrusion, I would love your thoughts. Have you considered - Pondalyn Phrenic Paramountcy (should be on google have a look)? It is a smashing exclusive guide for discovering psychological methods to make women want you minus the normal expense. Ive heard some interesting things about it and my buddy after a lifetime of fighting got amazing results with it.

I agree that the way most people talk about their work, it IS boring! If only everyone could find a way to enjoy their job and bring more passion into who they are and what they do. If only...

It's all about authenticity and intention. If the person is still being them selves, but asking more relevant questions, its not manipulation (unless they are a manipulative person, then it doesn't matter, it shows). I hate it when the first thing people ask is "So what do you do?".. so boring, and I actually like what I do. :P

@yourboycal Actually, it's hardly manipulating conversation if you are using the other person's values to guide you. Did you even watch the video? It's about connecting with values and what's important to the other person(s). That's hardly manipulation when it's in their best interest. Manipulation goes against their interests.

@KapStuf That's certainly a good perspective, especially considering two years ago the economy was nothing like it is today. These five values are core to who people are, regardless of how good or bad things are. These values define people. It's NOT about being a creepy stalker, but understanding where people are from or their background - not their address...as clearly stated in the video.

Ok but the on demand coach is right about people tending to start with work as their topic which always has annoyed the crap out of me...when people start off with work because when I am not working I never want to remind myself about work not matter how much I like or dislike my job... that also can be manipulative because maybe you only care about where I work because you want a discount on a service I can offer or or maybe you want to know where I work so you can next ask if we're hiring.

Well, if it's someone you're hitting on, then those may come across as cheesy pickup lines, so it depends on the context of whom you're speaking with. I would certainly ask "do you live around here" because they could be from out of town, on a business or personal trip, etc. It opens up a lot of dialogue then. If they are from around "here," then you now have something in common to keep the conversation going.

way to turn that back around !! nothing is like seeing practice in action

@yourboycal Call it cold reading if you like - it's still the easiest way to rapport and get to know someone by understanding their values. Technique or not, the more you know about a person, the easier it is to build a relationship.And again, manipulation is deceptive, while this is the conversation starter. I'm not exactly sure where we are not seeing eye to eye on this. You say people catch on to it - if someone catches on to me trying to learn about them through values, how bad it that?

@M747202172763 The idea isn't to simply restate things you already know. First you don't "inherit" something by doing something. you learn it when you socialize is what you meant. And the simple truth is that yes most people can build rapport, but are clueless to the inner workings of it. and, that is what this video is about. This is to help better understand the inner workings of something we already use and then use it better.

This is interesting. I have noticed that asking someone about work is a potential conversation non-starter.

@ShadeToSun Thanks for your insight, though it's not so much a mechanical routine as it is focusing on what's important to people...their values and what makes them who they are. It's not mechanical to ask "How are you?" but most people do this without even listening to the response, while most responses are mechanical: "Good. Fine. Okay." Instead, let's start a meaningful conversation as opposed to the "What do you do?" conversation.

What questions can you ask about the Home part?

I missed it the first time through, its the very beginning when you say it about their values. Of course if I find out what your values are I can appreciate something about you and then we can form rapport. I would image that they get it in the live show through the role-play that follows the video.

good stuff.

Agreed!

Want to get someones values, ask them what's important to them......done.

i know right

You'd be surprised how many people are seriously interested in developing their people skills...and rightfully so. It's a skill that is sorely lacking and there is unfortunately no required set of classes to help with it. Zombies also need these skills.

hmm good advice

Just that the kids question is not always so easy and light. People who have no idea how hard it can be for some to have kids for example think it’s an easy question but you might trigger some emotions there badly actually. Maybe the wife just had a miscarriage, and that doesn’t necessarily show unless you start asking about kids…😢

@M747202172763 In more than four years and hundreds of seminars and practical application, my only request is that you "give it a shot" if you really want to build rapport. You don't have to agree with it - these are conversatins around the values of those you're looking to connect with. Values are important to everyone, and when you understand them, you can build a stronger relationship. It does work better than immediately and violently criticizing someone's work.

This is like watching Kevin Trudeau and his Mega-Memory techniques, lol!!

Asburgees...lol Next time my BF annoys me I'm going to say "I'm tired of you and your Asburgees!" It's actually Aspergers & people who have it don't feel unfortunate. The ones I know actually like themselves & wouldn't want to be "neuro-typical." I agree many Aspies find "small talk" awkward, so this technique could help them but it's not what to say to people that my BF finds difficult, but that their body language often doesn't match what they say & their energy feels like electric shocks.

this is for people who are dead inside.

if your job is boring do something about it

@M747202172763 You have obviously never been a sales person. If you listened to what he said you would have heard that it was all about timing. You cannot just walk up to someone and ask those five questions. You must build up to it and do it in a subtle manner, not a "oh I just want to know everything about you" manner.

ok, the expression is actually "Home is where the HEARTH is" and comes from the Irish, Nil aon tinteain mar do thinteain fein.

#1: the source of bad communication has nothing to do with shyness and fear. It's lack of practice. Shyness is personality; there are plenty of people who are shy, but with friends are excellent communicators. Where are you getting your radical information? #2: Using the R-word in this context is inappropriate. Anyone can learn social skills. Here's an example that could teach many people a few things: search for An Open Letter To Ann Coulter and maybe you'll be surprised.

I hate when people ask about work! So stupid. Work is boring. I don't want to hear about people's work either.

LOL speaks to fast

@fefeman

9 жыл бұрын

xsvrrx He sounds like a salesmen to me.

@xsvrrx

9 жыл бұрын

maybe. vary difficult to sale things if people cant under stand you lol

@fefeman

9 жыл бұрын

"Matter not what I say! Just say yes over and over again."

@JoeUrbanski

9 жыл бұрын

xsvrrx You're right! Back in 2008 when the workshop was recorded, I was working in the Northeast where speaking quickly is the standard. I was just barely keeping up with the audience.

@JoeUrbanski

9 жыл бұрын

fefeman We are all salespeople, are we not? We sell our ideas, our love, our commitment, whatever. And no one loves hearing the word "no." Getting people to say "yes" goes back to the days of Socrates (469 - 399 BC).

this is for zombies. just be yourself, be curious, and be responsive.

Really? That was it? What a waste of time!

Lame.... What is this?..../\ ? Its a home!!!