The notion of a flawless marriage or relationship is a myth. There's no set formula for success; what works for one couple may not work for another. Yet, I've discovered that there's always a way forward, even in the most challenging times. Five years ago, my wife and I encountered significant hurdles in our marriage that nearly led to divorce. Despite the adversity, we managed to weather the storm and emerge from it with our bond renewed and revitalized.

@DailamiPuang

2 күн бұрын

There is a lot of sense in what you just said and I hope mine works the same way too, we are currently separated but I cant live without her, I love her so much. wish I can get her back I can do anything to have her back, we have tried therapy amongst other things

@peterwilliams6361

2 күн бұрын

Its always difficult to let someone you love go, but in my case I had the help of a spiritual adviser who saved my marriage from collapsing her name is shelly renee white

@DailamiPuang

2 күн бұрын

This is helpful, I will look her up online right now...Thanks.

@peterwilliams6361

2 күн бұрын

You wont regret it

What still blows me away is how when a narc gets caught in a lie, they easily just shift to another lie. No shame at all.

@user-ej5jc5dk1e

3 ай бұрын

Yes . No problem for them . High on the Narc scale & Psychopaths ... No conscious , no morals , no human values.

@happyday3368

3 ай бұрын

Or they get pissed at you for pointing it out and minimize it and you and make you the problem. They are so predictable.

@LSMH528Hz

3 ай бұрын

Narcissists are almost always pathological liars

@spaceparrot8702

3 ай бұрын

Either that or they shift the entire conversation to loudly call out something that you did. Actually, you probably didn't do it, but it doesn't matter to them. They just feel that way because they are watching a completely different movie than the rest of us.

@samuelsparling878

3 ай бұрын

​@@happyday3368her predictability has been her downfall w me, when I was still holding out hope that she's just broken rather than this is her personality, I wrote an outline script to a conversation, started it, watched it all play out, showed her the outline and she called ME a covert narcissist, which of course as an empathetic person I did an honest assessment and thanked her for telling me where to turn to better understand her dysfunction...I'm stuck w her a couple more months and she's been cycling between violent rage and acting sweetly, but at least she's doing some dishes for once.

They will also lie to avoid accountability. They have an astounding ability to turn themselves into the victim in the dramas they create.

@trobevsek

3 ай бұрын

so true, i had a friend lie too me, not say sorry when i cought her in the lie after a year, then she turned the whole group of friends against me behind my back... she twisted every word i ever said and was saying how i talk shit about them, she was mean to me for the whole year... then if ever i said im angry or sad she twisted it around at how awfull i am to be mad... because she cant handle anger. I really felt she trie to pathologize my normal feelings. When i finally said i have enough, i got hate messeges from the group, in the sence of: what are you saying about us, of course she lie to you, look who you are... basically the worst gasslight of my life. I was shocked because i have never endured anything like it not even in school. To have someone do this at the age of 28 was a shocker too me.

@suzanne4396

3 ай бұрын

Yes. It was his WIFE'S FAULT he had to go find s*x elsewhere ( for 9 yrs!!!) because "She didn't give me enough, only like twice a year.." (poor me!!) That's his entitled and sooo arrogant reason. And he Believes he was justified, still, to this day.🙄🙄

@Steveincorp

3 ай бұрын

The pouting they do is childish.

@tlove6932

3 ай бұрын

Yes. And those "dramas" & "crises" are ALL "Man-made". Preventable, not Natural, self-serving.

@jeanie5074

3 ай бұрын

He’s probably a psychopath. The more you try to understand a psychopath, the more confused and empathic person will get. The best advise would be to not engage, or try to understand someone like them. If you see, or feel a red flag, follow your gut instincts, and politely leave. If you have small children, stay under the radar, and plan ahead for the best opportune exit, and don’t look back. Plus, follow Dr.Ramani’s advise.

The narcissist loves it when you sit down with them and tell them how they made you feel when they hurt you. They get that sense of accomplishment in hurting you. You'll also give them information so they can find new ways to abuse you.

@amyschmidt1113

3 ай бұрын

This is true for some but not all narcissist. My son is a narcissist and has me on this tall pedestal of importance, and if I say he did something that hurt me, he gets very upset and lashes out in all directions because he has this concept of being the "best son" in the whole wide world and my truth puts that into question. However, God help anybody else that shares a vulnerability with him. It makes me sick.

@pescatoralpursuit1726

3 ай бұрын

This.

@patriciaalbertson5183

3 ай бұрын

​@@amyschmidt1113, generated by his EGO?

@Cherry-kt8zo

3 ай бұрын

Definitely

@fionajardine9691

3 ай бұрын

I had thought about telling my narc relative how she made me feel but am in 2 minds about it

Lying won't erase the truth, it can only delay it's discovery.

@suzanne4396

3 ай бұрын

Yes. Yes. Yes. Until he got caught red- handed and didn't know What to do ..

@SW-oy5zw

3 ай бұрын

Thank you!! Best comment ever. God sees. The truth will always be the truth!

@karenhere9327

3 ай бұрын

@@suzanne4396 when a narcissist is prone to rages and in an instant loses control and does something that is by all standards in our society so extremely inappropriate the denial means nothing, you come to expect that response rather than an apology. It’s impossible to get help for a narcissist if that’s all they give back after the damage. Years upon years. Well, the healing has begun with my daughters and myself, we are finding our peace. It will take years, probably and most likely a book is in order. If we relied on other people especially total strangers in a chat session to validate the trauma we’ve lived through we would never heal. We know what our truths is. And we are healing now, with or without validation from strangers -even with haters, still we are moving forward and speaking our truth and the healing has begun. BTW; there is a Van Morrison song “the healing has begun” it’s a salve for the heart on a tough day 😊

@jasonwimberly5636

3 ай бұрын

So true. Sneaky Freaky Creepy! Lol it’s so common in them it’s almost funny they don’t realize how every aspect of their behavior has been mapped out by experts. They really are under the delusion that they’re clever. When really they are just childish underdeveloped little jerks.

@digitalversatilediscjockey3465

3 ай бұрын

I fucking hated this about my girl. It's like she firmly believed jus because she's telling me she's not fucking all these dudes that it actually isn't happening. Like she can jus lie reality away, smh. So done with that

How can someone lie their whole lives and not feel bad about it. They're also hypocrites

@karenrosen2983

3 ай бұрын

They have a very diminished ability to empathize.

@user-tb5lw9fb7k

3 ай бұрын

Reprobates.

@samuelsparling878

3 ай бұрын

Hypocrisy is probably the easiest trait to spot in these folks if you pay attention and it's pretty easy to create tests. I've tried to live by the notion that when I meet someone I treat them as well as I can, then later I treat them as they treat me. If I could just stick to it, it would be a good tool.

@lizkrinsky5209

3 ай бұрын

They have no conscience.

@Steveincorp

3 ай бұрын

They'll say, "Don't tell anyone what I said to you," but they have no problem telling people what you tell them.

Being cheated on doesn’t “feel like betrayal”. It is betrayal.

@jeanie5074

3 ай бұрын

Yes. Also, it’s important to know how to react when one knows that we’ve been betrayed. It’s important to know how to deal with the burning sting of the betrayer, and have an antidote for it. My initial reaction would be, anger, anger, and, anger👾

@karenhere9327

3 ай бұрын

We had that too. My last Valentines Day with husband alive his teenage daughter found a Tiffany card on the floor in the kitchen and handed it to me. Thinking that he bought me a gift we didn’t want to ruin the surprise so I remained quiet for the entire day, waiting for evening and dinner at our favorite restaurant where we ate on our first date. Dinner came and went. Nothing. The card w gift he bought was for another woman. His cheating was frequent. For his last fishing trip in PA he purchased hand held GPS radio communication device. I asked why and he said he’d be fishing deep streams in the forest. I didn’t believe him. He was gone the entire day. So, after his passing I’m cleaning out a closet full of fishing gear and come across his large duffel bag, in it were his clothes and woman’s clothes, not mine. A hair brush with long black hair ( grey roots were evident, she was obviously not that young). As U cleaned the house out for the real estate market I found more situations like this, confirming what I already knew. His/our daughters were with me. Just another heart break after heart break in a marriage where I remained 100% faithful the entire time. Nothing more to say, it makes me want to cry thinking about it

@karenhere9327

3 ай бұрын

*I (not U, typo). Even more sad is that he didn’t try hard to cover up, his daughters being older teenagers had to witness this, they were with me.

@badgrrrl

3 ай бұрын

Esther Perel has done a huge disservice to the world by perpetuating the myth that betrayal is better than honest communication. And that honest communication can only happen AFTERWARDS. Yes, sometimes repair can be done, but not *because* of betrayal, but despite of it.

@electromagneticbliss

3 ай бұрын

I also wondered why she said that. Of course it is the ultimate betrayal. No point in reparations really. You can continue on, but the relationship will never, ever be the same. Also, the cheating narcissist will continue cheating..

They say narcissists get bored easily… Anyone else here actually get bored of the narcissist too? 🤷🏼‍♀️😂 #sorrynotsorry

@ddnick

2 ай бұрын

Damnnn , this is so true That happens because narcissists hates stability They find stability as a " boring" thing it's like chaotic mode on default

@NatzTalk

2 ай бұрын

😂😂😂 me. The lies, the arguing, the changing of the rules to better fit his difficult personality so he could rage, the mood swings as if he was fucking bipolar and the blaming me, everything always being my fault and throwing shit in my face. I hung up on the demon and blocked him instantly. Its been a week and 4 days. I've never walked away from someone I let them do the walking but this guy...fuck that..get out and DONT come back!!💪🏾💛😍

@jessicatobias9371

2 ай бұрын

From the beginning

@jessicatobias9371

2 ай бұрын

Even read messages with his other supplies. Boring

@jackilynpyzocha662

Ай бұрын

I've been bored of my father for 59.9 of my 60 years! He still doesn't get that I don't buy his brand of b.s.!

My friend’s husband cheated and she said his betrayal felt worse than when she was raped. It took a while to recognize the narcissism, he was very covert and she is a very intelligent woman. He married her because he wanted a maid, needed her money, fake his religious identity and so on. He married her to use her, he fleeced her royally. Narcissism is hard to recognize. It’s the worst thing to do to someone, he wasted her life, he broke her heart as well as the kids and shattered their life. She said coming to the conclusion the whole thing was fake left her stunned and felt like she could never wake up from the nightmare. I think the most freeing thing for her was when her pastor told her, “this is NOT your fault.

@jeanie5074

3 ай бұрын

So sorry to hear what happened to her. I hope she’s doing better every day. Why does it take a good, and intelligent woman to fall for an abuser, and not get out of the relationship, until their soul is half dead?

@EnzoIsabella

3 ай бұрын

They only marry into money. This is a major red flag for a man marrying a rich women. If he himself comes from nothing and marry a women that's rich....99% TIME HES a narcissist.....

@EnzoIsabella

3 ай бұрын

​@@jeanie5074everyone wants love. Everyone wants connection....even the most intelligent ppl fall for the lies.

@joannamoore4615

3 ай бұрын

These people are very good at tappino into your needs and taking advantage. Its very hard to get out. You have to fight your way out. It can happen but its takes guidance of counsel. Almost impossibile to get out on your own.

@WalksfortheSoul-wl4nh

3 ай бұрын

@@jeanie5074 For me it was in large part because of the victim story he told. His childhood was beyond tragic and I knew some of his family and that a lot of it was true. But that's only the reason why they became so damaged that they lost contact with their vulnerability, integrity, and ability to trust. This is permanent damage, but very empathic people want to believe it can be undone with their love and therapy. Good luck getting them into therapy, usually never happens. And even if they go, they are only pretending to try for a bit. And they not only lost contact with their integrity, but they have a vindictive, cruel streak that knows no bounds. I got lucky in that I called him out so much and so often in the process of setting boundaries that he set up a scenario to hurt me and betray me in the most shocking way I never saw coming because he pretended everything was fine. While this is super fresh and incredibly painful, incredibly painful, I am grateful that he did it 7 months into the relationship so that I could be set free sooner rather than later. Otherwise, I would have kept on giving him a "little more time" and in the meantime losing my mental health, energy, and focus on my own life.

It's stunning how after all the lies and even being exposed (!!!) they still think you don't know about their deceptions and try to act like everything is cool between you...

@cindyallen4831

3 ай бұрын

And have the utter audacity to ask if we can still be friends!

@cindyallen4831

3 ай бұрын

And have the utter audacity to suggest we still be friends.

@patriciaalbertson5183

3 ай бұрын

Yes. weird.

@jasonwimberly5636

2 ай бұрын

Narcissists need constant validation. For them having someone available to deceive is critical. We have to wake up cause they will do that to you as long as you stick around for it. And that’s why they want to still be friends so they have someone to deceive and trick and lie to. Someone to serve as a prop to fortify the lie that they tell themselves. Namely, that they’re good people. That lie is lot harder to believe if they’re all alone. Why do you think they work so hard to be charming or charismatic. Hell, if they’re desperate enough they will even play up their weaknesses to get you feeling like they need you, just to avoid the realization that you’re abandoning them brings to the surface, that core shame that’s at the core of all narcissists rises up to the surface to be seen. So, they either already behind your back have SEVERAL others lined up OR they’re quick to find someone else to bewitch, seduce and take hostage and every move they make is to avoid coming in direct contact with their core inner shame.

@BTL2665

2 ай бұрын

So true. Its a serious mental condition they are SICK. How do you do what you do ? insult then gaslight , turn everything on the other person, and then half hour later ask the person if they wanna go and have lunch like nothing happened.? WTF

Basically you just described an evil person

@ThePanther3825

3 ай бұрын

That's the exact word I use to describe my ex. My heart and head can't grasp how you can lie to a person that deeply, especially when you see so closely what it is doing to them. It's insanity....

@ParadigmShift-tz2zn

3 ай бұрын

Absolutely, it’s demonic.

@Willsimp4tacos

3 ай бұрын

A narcissist that has turned on you and is intent on destroying you becomes the definition of evil.

@rosierb852

3 ай бұрын

Vessels for demons man, that’s all they are. Infra-species predators

@carolannstevens5814

2 ай бұрын

@@ParadigmShift-tz2zn Exactly what it is…

Dr. Ramani, I want you to know, you are saving my life. No matter what anyone else says, over the last 6 months, your videos have given me the courage to start divorcing my covert narcissist husband. I could not understand my depression around him, and not around my co-workers or friends. Please, keep the videos coming, so I, (and others like me) can understand what was so wrong that we could not understand. The world needs you and your understanding.

@KARENboomboomROXX

2 ай бұрын

So many of us trying to cure our depression for decades. Just ditch these a holes and suddenly is better. Then you are called selfish narcissist😂

@kirbykids9647

Ай бұрын

me too! Thank you so much for your help 👏

@joyss1042

Ай бұрын

Dr. Ramani saves me also from going back to my ex after being discarded.

@susanzimmer1776

18 күн бұрын

Thks for your comments,(thanks), she is also saving my mind,!!!!!😊

The future faking is so true. They don't just promise you things, they ACT like that's exactly what they want & you can't believe how amazing it is that you want the same things!

@katemothapo5587

2 ай бұрын

Selling a dream to you when they know they have no intention of keeping the promises

@jasonwimberly5636

2 ай бұрын

So true. It’s one of their most powerful manipulation techniques. It’s like mirroring on steroids! All narcissists are deceitful and all deceitful people are narcissists.

@janedoh123

2 ай бұрын

Totally what are the chances that you meet with the person who has not some BUT ALL the same dreams and moral values The offer you a dream but you end end up paying for a rollercoaster ride from hell and convince you that you deserve it and we can forget about ourselves and our strengths and values and focus on their happiness until you finally find this wonderful woman and her channel Or get bored of the bullshit because they get boring

@jasonwimberly5636

2 ай бұрын

@@janedoh123 I can’t help but feel like when we fall for a narcissist. We’re falling for deeply damaged and sick people. People who have such a sickness of mind and soul that they are blissfully impervious to the realization of just how warped, deficient and detached, from reality they are. But somehow, many of them still manage to “make it” in terms of the acquisition of status and material goods.

@janedoh123

2 ай бұрын

@@jasonwimberly5636 but behind every self made narcissist is a trail of bankrupt very caring individuals who had no idea that there are such p.o.s’sout there And now narcissists are a buzz word the real problem is that they’re normalising the harm done to their victims potentially Thanks for your reply

Future faking was one of the worst parts of having a relationship with a narcissit. During and after the relationship. If you are a lover girl like me, a person that loves litterature and art and dreams about love, we are the best victims for these very eloquent narcissists. even if 30% of what they say is true we want to believe it. We make up a whole character and dreams about the relationship, and when we finally realize it was a mirage, we feel so stupid and low we can't even trust ourselves or anyone else anymore.

@oooi75f

3 ай бұрын

Your spot on lover girl❤

@mangaim8214

3 ай бұрын

It echoes my thoughts

@joannamoore4615

3 ай бұрын

If you start to understand yourself you will realize that this was not your fault. You were victimized. Don't victim shame yourself. You are probably an empath. This is something to grow from.

@whereisyourhumanity7557

3 ай бұрын

My folks had a special way of future faking. They always said: if Big Sis gets one, then Little Sis gets one. They're both dead...and I never got my "one."

@NatzTalk

2 ай бұрын

You described me. My relationship was only 4 months and we weren't even official. We had an agreement and he broke it and then tried to lie by dumbing down our relationship. Its like this shit I went through in my 20s, I'm in my 40s and this shit still happening. It took me awhile to even date again and he killed it. Now I don't trust AGAIN.

You end the connection with the narcissist. You end the abusive cycle. Healing takes time but it's worth it.

@susanzimmer1776

18 күн бұрын

That's easy to say, unless that person, you, have been through a divorce, after 45 YEARS ,and then BLOCKED, cut my alimony, and discarded my children!!! Two of which, have special needs! NOW, think about that one!!???

As the narcissist gets older they sometimes forget the lies they've told. Then finally the truth comes out by that time it's too late. They've burned too many bridges😪

@patriciaalbertson5183

3 ай бұрын

Hmmm...

@dme2442

2 ай бұрын

when my narc husband started experiencing the beginnings of dementia, he told me of some long ago affairs that he had denied and kept secret. Oopsie.

@GatesRapes

Ай бұрын

And they end up middle aged ,, with teen children in public housing 😂,, A absolute drain on taxpayers

Playing with someone's emotions is a crime. What separates us from Robots are our beautiful precious emotions.

@jeanie5074

3 ай бұрын

Psychopaths are worse than robots🗯️

@The.Narc.Files7

3 ай бұрын

@@jeanie5074 I believe the best we can do for ourselves and others is to respect genuine emotions.

@aries4901

2 ай бұрын

Having Empathy is PRICELESS

@livinggood6876

Ай бұрын

It should be a crime, but it isn't.

When I found out my husband was having an affair. He start gaslighting me. I started writing down and dating everything. That was the only thing that kept me sane.

@Unebellecreole

2 ай бұрын

The cheating narc that I am married to did the same exact thing. I printed 5 months of phone records, which were a few hundred pages of text messages, and he was still trying to gaslight me. He even asked me to go to marriage counseling while he was engaging in an affair.

@venicer772

2 ай бұрын

@@Unebellecreole same here.

@bucksaw1

2 ай бұрын

I had a "fortuitous accident about 13 years ago. I say fortuitous because it affected my short term memory problems, which precipitated the doctor having me start Journaling and reading it all at the end of the week. I've been writing everything significant that goes on in my life. Good things, bad things, details of arguments, excuses, proclamations, promises, denials, etc... When my wife would say "I never said that!" or "that is not what happened" or how many times in a month her phone was mysteriously off or she came home from work late, etc... I would quierly refer back to my journals, and then come back to her and say "No- I am 100% certain." I would usually leave it there, but finally, at final discard, I showed her the journals and all the times her revisionist history didn't correspond with actual events. She flew into a rage. But then caught herself and did the most bizarre thing ever: with the evidence right in front of her face like my journals, our texts, proof that she had a secret 2nd phone number, etc... She would just be adamant that whatever the evidence, it was incorrect, and that there were no other guys... maddening.. .

@hannahhughes4801

2 ай бұрын

Me too ❤

@venicer772

2 ай бұрын

@@whatelse2962 It is the same. Good for you!

The biggest regret is really thinking it could be fixed.. it and he will never be fixed

@clintonnagy1662

19 күн бұрын

I thought I could fix her but she needs to fix herself. She still sleeps in her bed with her 7 year old son because she hates to sleep alone and she is in her later 40's. That's too weird.

If you say one lie, you have to keep lying to cover up the last lie, it's never ending. When you say the truth, you never have to try to remember what you said.

@PaigeSquared

3 ай бұрын

This. I remember making the decision to stop even white lies, fibs, etc. because life is just sooooo much easier to not. 🤷🏻‍♀️

@karenhere9327

3 ай бұрын

@@PaigeSquared narcissists are good at find, white lies, and big bold lies too. An iPhone or recorder is a victims best defense …then it becomes truth for those that keep defending him ( his flying monkeys are still at work)

@karenhere9327

3 ай бұрын

*fibs (not find) typo

@sb75ification

3 ай бұрын

Said no narcissist. Ever.

@PaigeSquared

3 ай бұрын

@@sb75ification they really believe that if a person tells the truth in general, they're a sucker. They would never own up to something they've done, even if coming forward with the truth meant there would be no consequences. I've seen some wild situations, where they were obviously choosing to create more work and stress for themselves to lie, and they just could not stop themselves. 🤦🏻‍♀️

They lie, blame you for their actions and take no accountability whatsoever

It's really disturbing to see the denial when my wife was caught red handed. It's like catching your 5 yr old with their hand in the cookie jar knowing they weren't supposed to have any. The difference between the 5 yr old and an adult narcissist is that they turn it around by saying: it's not what it looks like or your crazy if you think I would do that or I don't do things like that. Watching a 47 yr old turn into a 5 yr old right in front of your eyes, including facial expressions, is something to behold.

"For narcissistic people, gaining dominance and validation takes precedence over everything, including the truth. " sums up EVERYTHING we could ask "why" about. It's the undercurrent of all that happens with them. And often takes a while to discern that's what motivates a particular person, but once you see it and how deeply it's engrained, you realize it's not gonna change.

@suzanne4396

3 ай бұрын

He Needs the validation; MY validation, So much !! It's laughable.

@tlove6932

3 ай бұрын

Excellently stated 👏🏼💯💯

@SW-oy5zw

3 ай бұрын

I can't stand this tho. It makes them a detestable horrible human being. We just want them to have a heart but I don't know if they will ever choose to do the honest work or just lie their way through life.

@imaginepeace7588

3 ай бұрын

💯‼️🎯☮️

@marthettalewis5107

3 ай бұрын

This is a hard pill, to swallow. Playing chess, with a disorder Mostly everyday.

They lie as easily as breathing & they lie very very well & believe it unless you know the facts. When caught, yep lie over lie. Confront them & they go ballistic - they will attack you with screams, insults & criticism.

@alliwarwick5590

3 ай бұрын

so true. the future was promised. the new car, the hot tub, moving in together and traveling the world when we retired. yes, all the red flags were flashing in neon lights. it was the future I thought would stop the emotional abuse and the mistrust. I never have been jealous and insecure. there's a reason for that. I didn't want to believe he was lying the entire time. awful experience I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.

@Levandetag

3 ай бұрын

I think sometimes, they do not even know they lie. Its something learnt early, to get control over others. Afraid to be true, to even have a conversation about any stuff thats needed to converse about, in any relationship. Scared as children, and rather lie, or attack, than become an open human being with faults and mistakes done, and taking responsability for them. Some do the scremaing, or attacks, in a way that makes you lose all trust, or putting someone in their place, to go on using others, as they wish. Then giftgiving as a forgiveness-act, which never is any forgiving in. Never had any trust in those, who use others, as a steppingplate to get gifts, or give for their own sake. As if we were some person at the marketplace, as they play shops with, as adults ;) Just to have the upper hand always, to be able to look good in the others eyes. The one thing getting me out of my own frightened parts, which in my teens, sometimes used with withholding truth, to get away, and in a scary relation. I do think many dont know the difference, they just go along, and wont look into whats in themselves, cause thats terrifying. I was terrified the first times, I saw someone really saw me, as I am. Helped me to put myself together, after being totally scattered, not afraid of saying No, or Yes, as a more whole human. Today really grateful, to those helpful souls, cause it gave me back into me. I cannot be with not, trustworthy, any more.

@digitalversatilediscjockey3465

3 ай бұрын

Or they will jus physically attack you. That was my girls MO when I caught her cheating 😂

@dennyfie

3 ай бұрын

Alli,I would not wish that kind of treatment on my enemy.very disturbing.

@NatzTalk

2 ай бұрын

Yup.

Some may never apologize because they don’t think that they did anything wrong.

@Fennerfunnyfarm

2 ай бұрын

His favorite quote, "I've done nothing wrong!" Are you kidding me?! Caught cheating, on local hookup sites, messaging whores, dick pics, etc about every 6 months over 8 years. The whole marriage is a lie. And he despises me for finally seeing through it. Financial abuse now has me trapped, but not forever! Vampires that suck the enjoyment, love, happiness and strength right out of you. No conscience, no remorse, it's so damn hard to wrap your head around the Neverending depth of their deception, lies, deviance, and despicable abuses! The fake tears the first few times he was caught have now turned to hate and spite, while pretending everything is just fine. Crazy making mindfu@k!. No intimacy, closeness or meaningful communication in years! They're such shells, void of emotion! Oh, and of course he's always the victim of false accusations and hate. Lol says I tell him I hate him every day. Couldn't be further from the truth, but they project their 3 emotions: hate, spite, jealousy. So heartbreaking!

@vincentdamilola3790

Ай бұрын

Yes, they never apologize. Never. It becomes worse when they are Taurus.

@vincentdamilola3790

Ай бұрын

Yes, they never apologize. Never. It becomes worse when they are Taurus.

@oliverandersonjr668

Ай бұрын

Taurus . You are right about that my father and his woman are Taurus and narcissist. They birthdays are one day apart .

By the time I knew my narc sister was lying, she had already been circling the wagons with a narrative. I really didn’t stand a chance. My entire family of origin was fully indoctrinated and ready to pick me apart. Then when I didn’t cave, the shunning. It was THE most painful and confusing experience of my life. I got lucky and moved away because at the time I didn’t know “no contact” was a thing.

@curtisclarke6083

3 ай бұрын

My life Story Take pride in the dignity you've gained by remaining resolute in defiance of the insanity. To be a warrior means enjoining in battle's you know you may not win

@shainanash8518

3 ай бұрын

My narc brother got my elderly parents against me and stole my inheritance.

@minoozolala

3 ай бұрын

@@shainanash8518Wow, so very sorry. My narc brother told me he was going to get a restraining order against me so I couldn’t visit our elderly father. He had already turned the nurses in the retirement home against me with many lies. I got a lawyer to protect our father. He told me my brother’s aim was to force our father to change his Will and cut me out. The only thing that prevented my brother’s plan was the Covid lockdown. I received my inheritance but lost my entire extended family due to his lies.

@AnnAndNala

3 ай бұрын

I understand. My narc sister did the same thing to me. They have an agenda to destroy, and the entire time we have no idea, just innocent thinking. Meanwhile they are spreading lies to family and friends and making you out to be a horrible person. And after so many years of them doing so, the flying monkeys establish their view of the innocent victim as a horrible person. It amazes me that the flying monkeys only receive kindness from the true victim, but because of the chronic lies behind your back, they've created an illusion of who you are. I had to cut out my entire extended family because of that. I was not going to take on the humungous task of trying to untangle and undue the years of lies. It was best for me to just walk away from any family that I had. It's a sick and disgusting thing to do to any human.

@tmking7483

3 ай бұрын

This is the snake eating it's tail _ count your blessings your a spectator

Imagine a society starting to tell the utter truth ❤❤

@stupensardi2783

3 ай бұрын

That would be so refreshing.

@atlasadonis3752

3 ай бұрын

The people chose Jesus Barabbas over Jesus of Nazareth.

@crazyfunnyusavideos88

3 ай бұрын

People would finally see, nobody even cares

@Ed-tn9hk

2 ай бұрын

Check out the movie "The invention of lying". It's great.

@annaisis7510

2 ай бұрын

@@Ed-tn9hk great movie

Being with my ex narc for the past 8 yrs. made me observe this very pattern. I think they wanted to feel very important in a way that is disturbing. Instead of building trust with their intimate partners, they destroy the trust that they built with you (in that case lying when they tried to put you in their pedestal). Once they have a committed partner, they can’t stand being loved authentically by one person. Instead they go on and prey on other women that is susceptible to their love bombing. My ex narc was a compulsive pursuer in a relationship. He would go back and forth to the women he were involved before or try to meet women in complicated situation so that going public isn’t an option while having you as their main supply. In the end they destroy the very person that loved them. They are like toddlers testing your love for them. Showing and telling them you love them isn’t enough, they will cheat on your face to make you feel inadequate even if you are more than they deserve. They want to test your love for them so they keep hurting you and when you have enough of their abuse, you leave. Then they tell you, ‘you never loved me because you abandon me’. Well in fact it’s their actions and narcissistic behavior that made you leave or in other cases they discard you and will give silly reasons of the discard. Mine would use, ‘she’s crazy’, ‘she’s a nega-star’, ‘she insults me’, ‘she cheated on me’ et al. So with this pattern of infidelities and emotional abuse (who knows what else) it’s better to walk away. I did walk away and is now rebuilding my life with our daughter. We are struggling financially because I’m not earning enough to provide for my daughter but now we get to laugh and bring with us sunshine every day. No lies, no abuse and no fake love. We only live once, forgive yourself and move forward but never forget the lesson that narc abuse taught you. That is to respect yourself to walk away from what’s hurting and destroying you. That you deserve a life of solitude, happiness and love. Hugs*** :) Additionally I got to know about my narc husband bad ways when I reach out to a private detective digitalinvestigate@gmail.com for help he did a perfect work for me I can see everything he’s doing on his device.

@oliverandersonjr668

Ай бұрын

They can stand being loved unless all of the love is upon them and get angry if you get love. Remember its all about self far as they are concern.

@nerdynellie4729

23 күн бұрын

you had me until the obvious spam.

@ejiroakpovoka-zc6gx

18 күн бұрын

In a case in fidelity, pls how do I get to know the truth when I don't have the evidence?

My now covert narcissist ex-husband was THE master at future-faking. He was the "quite nice guy." I thought I'd hit the jackpot when we met and started dating. I thought, "Wow! Finally, a real nice guy." That couldn't be any further from the truth along with all the other stunts he pulled. He was the master at love-bombing and reeling back in with future-faking. I was in 'hope' for years. For those years, I thought I was going insane because these types of people never even came into my radar, much less into my life.

@juliemessiaen2868

2 ай бұрын

I can relate ! My narcistic ex was the same type

@NatzTalk

2 ай бұрын

Omg same!! I'm glad he's your ex!💪🏾 I walked away and it's been freeing, especially since he didn't see it coming! Its been a week and 4 days.💪🏾💛😍

Caught my ex still on dating site after we married. He stated the dating site forgot to take his profile down. After some time married a therapist asked me to see if he check to see if he was online dating site. There was an updated picture of him stating he was widowed while I was on chemo.He stated it wasn’t him and someone who looked just like him. A shifty shady person will never grow and keep making excuses or stories for their behaviour

@deniseclaeys8295

3 ай бұрын

What a delusional scumbag!

@jeanie5074

3 ай бұрын

Ms. Ebony, wishing you nothing not health, wealth, laughter. and a long, happy life from now on, and forever. Sorry to hear you were married to a narcissistic cheater. May God completely heal you from that experience, and make all things well again.

@karenhere9327

3 ай бұрын

sorry to hear you had to deal with that, especially while being on chemo. ❤️

@pamwhitehouse5961

3 ай бұрын

How sick of this individual to put you through this. He probably blamed you on top of this, no doubt. What a douchebag!😢❤

@SherryONeill

3 ай бұрын

I Need To Get The Heck Out This Hit me Hard BeCause They Really Do Not Change

I am 74 yrs old and this has been my life in a nutshell. I wish I had known about narcissistic behavior, to be aware of the red flags. So thrilled you are bringing attention to this mental disorder so maybe my grandchildren will have the knowledge and be spared the pain.

It always seems that betrayal happens when you wake up and are onto them - you don't buy into them anymore OR you already know who they are and are just staying away - that's when the crap starts - the gaslighting, spreading lies, turning everyone against the person who knows what is really what. You don't have to say a word - you just gracefully back up and they STILL come after you!

@Sissy317

3 ай бұрын

Yes it is exactly like that.

Their faces change to when you call them out.

Constantly seeing (almost always involuntary) a specific narcissist posting about loyalty and the most basic quotes about "unapologetically being real", when said person couldn't be further from any of these, is pure comedy.

@robinantonio8870

3 ай бұрын

Whenever I get trolled by some narc, I check their profile. It always says some bs like that, that is the exact opposite of what they just did.

@pamwhitehouse5961

3 ай бұрын

Right????😅😅😅😅

@georginaaltmann7292

3 ай бұрын

Irony 😂

@jasonwimberly5636

3 ай бұрын

A narcissist’s life and way of life is always an irony.

@kina8575

2 ай бұрын

Or “a man = his word”

The worst part got to be when they turned the table around and declare that it is YOU who are lying, not them.

@popsylol

Ай бұрын

Ah yes the selective memory, denial lying, anything to avoid a modicum of responsibility. Aren't they amazingly disgusting creatures? Step back and see the insect in its entirety and if you can have a chuckle...they're nasty

@clintonnagy1662

19 күн бұрын

So many times I was called a liar and cheater when I sat at home watching TV. She would guilt trip me on how I wouldn't make a valued partner because I left my marriage and I would leave her. Or how I have too many hobbies and need to sacrifice all I do to be with HER. How I never offer to spend time with her. ( she always had her kid and told me NOT too). It's utter insanity.

I’ll never forget the LAST time he had the nerve to future fake. Thinking I was believing every word. His tone would go soft and warm while he lied. And this last time I sat with complete clarity. Thinking holy shit I will never fall for anything you say ever again.

@Saiub

2 ай бұрын

It's the ease they lie with that scares me, stay strong we'll be fine

@NatzTalk

2 ай бұрын

Yeeees!!!

Narcissists are hurting and will do anything for supply. I believe a hurting person will hurt others if they aren't taking responsibility to heal their wounds. I also Forgive them but keep my distance bc they can't be trusted. As long as they are hurting they will hurt me and others.

@robinantonio8870

3 ай бұрын

Sometimes they arent hurting. They are just spoilt rotten and arrogant

@Staranaise

3 ай бұрын

I now understand the saying "hurt people hurt people "

@rosierb852

3 ай бұрын

They’re not hurting, they’re surviving! They hurt us, so we do evil to them? I was abused by my narcissistic family, did I grow up to hurt others? No I didn’t! I grew up to have way to much empathy and feel guilt even if I say something that may offend another. I’m sick of people saying hurt people, hurt people! That’s false! Hurt people that chose the path of darkness hurt people to survive because they are empathy. Hurt people that chose the path of righteousness, we go on to try to heal and fix others which is not our job but that’s what we do. We don’t want others to suffer or hurt. But we always get hurt and ripped apart in the process

@chloeblack8572

2 ай бұрын

@@rosierb852 Agreed. The multitude of narcs I've encountered don't do 'hurting' themselves--that's what we're for! But take good cheer, because if we weren't tormented on all sides by these sadistic clowns from hell, our innate joy and vibrancy would enable us to experience infinite Heaven-On-Earth! Unfortunately, that is not our ultimate purpose. Our unhappiness here at the hands of tormentors is the way we learn the art of dying well, so that when we return to the Universal Substance/God, from whence we came, we go with Grace.

@Unebellecreole

2 ай бұрын

Some of these people are not hurting people because they are hurting. They hurt people because they are liars, manipulators, users, shameless , and downright trifling. My narc spouse was very privileged. He grew up feeling entitled and that everything is about HIM. He could not care any less about anyone else.

My father was a chronic cheater and did not hide it, even when my mother was dying of cancer. I guess this is another check in box for signs he was a narcissist. 😢

@patriciaalbertson5183

3 ай бұрын

My husband's Step-dad flirted with women while his wife was dying of cancer. Disgusting. 🥺 😢

@arabianprincess85

3 ай бұрын

Sorry that happened to your mom ❤

@laurawilliams4034

2 ай бұрын

I wonder about porn. He has a kajillion pages on his phone open to hard core porn and he will just say oh i accidentally opened a link and it just keeps reopening or cuz he’s having ED issues and im not doing my part

It is all so true. Once you discern that someone is narcisistic run and don’t look back. Thank you dr Ramani ❤

@BTL2665

2 ай бұрын

You’re not lying. I have tried to fix it wait on change believe the lies so I wouldn’t have to file for divorce. I am at a point I never suffered from anxiety he makes me feel anxious hopeless, afraid at times I have to continue trying to save money to leave. 😢

I have sat right there with my ex husband and listened to him find justification to lie about an event or an experience.... Things that he said we did, places we went ect.... He did it so easily and I would say to myself.... He finds ways to lie about things he doesn't need to, so what else is he lying about... As I learned, he lies about everything

"Because he doesn't remember doing that, he didn't intend to hurt you. (Total Bullsh*t!!!!) You should just get over it."

7 weeks out, non stop messages going into my spam, had breakdown and phychosis,,,, never felt this rough in my entire life,, time to call the cops, I'm so over it, I'm being tortured, this is not ok

@lynnchastain8224

3 ай бұрын

FYI a lot of cops are narcissists, call at your own risk. There is no justice, just us. Prayers for healing. I called a lawyer not holding my breath for help. Bcause my landlord and her many flying monkeys are terrorizing me for months since I moved here. I moved from a psycho narcissist to another landlord and neighbor who were worse than the emotional, verbal abuse I left. It is a living hell, my dog can feel the evil. That's why I pray.

@karenhere9327

3 ай бұрын

Have a lawyer write a cease and desist letter. Keep all evidence and communications on memory stick

@karenhere9327

3 ай бұрын

@@lynnchastain8224 one of my daughters was only 15 when she found guns in his office…a rifle leaning against the wall behind the door. Not a registered gun, no gun case either. Nobody in the family had any idea he had them. I made him remove them from the house. That’s no way to store them, also he had uncontrolled rates, so very very scary. His brother lived an hour away and came over immediately and picked them up. There was nothing else I could do

@karenhere9327

3 ай бұрын

*rages (not rates)

@lucyt-c8092

3 ай бұрын

@@lynnchastain8224Keep praying! It works !

After 11 year of being divorce… The Ex-. Still future faking 😅

I found out after many years of trauma that it doesn’t do any I mean any good to try to talk to them. I can’t believe it took me so so long to learn this. I’ve wasted so much time. I’ve stayed because of my children. Marrying this person has ruined my life and hurt my children. He has controlled me and taken away my independence and ability to financially take care of myself. He doesn’t like it at all when I don’t want to talk to him anymore though whenever I did he never cared never changed. I was so young and dumb and should not have married him.

@NatzTalk

2 ай бұрын

You can do anything you put your mind to even if it seems really difficult. Especially since you have littles. You got this lady, don't let him take your self empowerment away. Do whatever you can to get yourself and your kids out. You got this.😍💛💪🏾

@debrarogerssilvey3909

Ай бұрын

It feels like dementia. I'm lost. Can't think, can't remember anything. Will my brain recover at 57? Wow. I'm all over the place. Grasping for any reality at all.

The moment you expect someone of cheating walk away don't continue to sleep with them ... Think of your health...also if they are accusing you of cheating that means they are or they are really insecure. ...you can't fix that .

Thank you Dr. Ramani. I wish I knew a therapist like you 30 years ago.

As badly betrayal trauma stings and hurts, the last this Id do or advise anyone else for to do is to NOT reveal their lies and crap to others. Not only they’ll be deeply angry, they’re going to seek enormous retribution. Been there and done that and its not pretty. Spend that time to move in silence and uproot if possible. Blessings❤

@jeanie5074

3 ай бұрын

When someone cheats on you, whether it be a friend, a spouse, a partner, etc, it shows, THEY have a serious character problem, so it’s not you, it’s not your fault. It’s THEM. And, all of a sudden, when sooner or later he/she cheats on you, romantically, financially, or divulging a secret, those people don’t respect you. So, so, they then give you the runaround, and gaslights you, was double whammy, calling you a liar, then blaming THEIR filthy character, and behavior on you. So, what’s the best thing you can do for YOURSELF? Sue them for divorce, take them to court, and/or just leave! L-e-a-v-e!

@lj6871

3 ай бұрын

What could happen if you did this?

@mday3821

3 ай бұрын

Great advice and wished I had this five yrs ago.

@sararichardson737

3 ай бұрын

So true.

@karenhere9327

3 ай бұрын

I hear you, but sometimes you have to speak your truth openly after taking it for so long…silence allows it to continue with or without retribution. Healing is the goal, not doing a smear campaign back.And the complete silence thing doesn’t really work anyway, tried that

I dont understand why a narcissist says they hate arguing yet they start 98% of the arguments.

@bevhills4877

Ай бұрын

Imho…To look good as one who supposedly works things out maturely, without the negative hurtful things that are said in many arguments. This makes them seem magnanimous and helps them shift blame and hide the fact they want to start arguments to watch you writhe in hurt (anger , crying).. give them supply.

@bedlam529

Ай бұрын

@@bevhills4877 that makes sense!

He played me good. Did just that, future faked. Used all my hopes and dreams to keep me there. 8 years later, our relationship is still in the same boat 😂 I just ended things. Hoping and praying I will keep it that way.

My siblings are narcissists and anytime u catch them lying about anything they all have the same 2 words… “Prove it”

And how dare us for holding them accountable for what they’ve promised. They turn it against us and make it our problem that they can’t follow through on their own words.

You literally are speaking of my 31 year marriage. Grateful i know now but very sad

I have seen this in church leadership at times over the decades. Sometimes in the judgmental ones.

Yes their lies are who they are and I had to come out of the relationship I was in and I realized every time I spoke my reality she would get a narc injury and rage or go silent she broke up with me so many times the last time I said okay and I walked out and she never saw me again!! Byeee

What is difficult for me to understand is why people lie, even about stupid stuff and even when they get caught and it is obvious they are caught. Instead of saying, "Yeah, you're right. I screwed up. I'm sorry." I had a client on my caseload who was in this situation. They took a photo that showed they went out of state, which wasn't allowed by the Court case they were in. Instead of just 'fessing up, they took me to a place (local) where they said the photo had been taken. I looked around this place and wasn't able to find the backdrop in the photo. It blew my mind at what lengths they were willing to go to in order to maintain the lie. 🙄 The truth of the matter is if the person had told me, "I made a mistake and the photo was taken out of state, I would have said, "OK. Well, now you know not to do that and to let me know in the future so I can get permission from the Court to have you travel out of state." It's absolutely amazing how some people are just not able to be honest when they make mistakes and then double down on their lies.

@jeanie5074

3 ай бұрын

That’s part of their pathological nature.

@karenhere9327

3 ай бұрын

Right? A simple “I’m sorry” helps everyone move on, narcissist can’t say those simple words. Mine would say “ you started it” and a simple disagreement was “starting it” and then allowed him to escalate it towards rage with name calling, insults, resulting in so much damage

@karenhere9327

3 ай бұрын

@@jeanie5074 that’s why I’m on Dr. Ramini’s site, she explains the pathology well. Trying to understand the patterns. I hope to be smarter for all the pain

@paulad.4578

3 ай бұрын

@@karenhere9327 I'm so sorry you went through that. I hope and pray things are going better for you now. Wishing you well.

@pamwhitehouse5961

3 ай бұрын

Me, too. Obviously they'll stop at nothing to maintain their narrative!​@karenhere9327

Total deception. .Amazingly true.

I listened to your Mel Robbins podcast and within the first 5 minutes you commented on clients who've been married 40,45,50 years and now realize for the first time what they got themselves into and had they known they may have done something different. We've been married 54 years, age 72 and now I understand why my wife is the way she is, I've explained it away all these years but now I need to figure out what I can do to enjoy life because she is not letting me enjoy my life. I think I've been love bombed! I can't leave, her health is too delicate. Thank you for all your insights, at least now I know what i'm dealing with!

They get out of being questioned and caught out by going into a rage. distracting you from asking anymore questions because you’re terrified, they know exactly what they’re doing… very devious evil people.

You have truly saved my life. You have no idea ❤❤❤ I almost lost my mind and subsequently my life but you were always there to remind me and show me things I was seeing and experiencing not knowing what I was going through. I have my life and mind back, thank you.

@BrittneyTonee

Күн бұрын

Being with a narc will definitely make you think you’re losing your mind

My wife of 8yrs, full of lies. You nailed this. Many, many small white lies, turning into cheating by her. Ty for this spot-on video!!!! And....I did catch my wife cheating on video in our house. I have the video, and she would not view it. Calling me sick, wrong and a liar. No! Its on video!!! Deny, deny deny....all she did.

That kept me in the relationship for 17 years. Now, thanks to what I've learned from Dr. Ramani, in the past year, I made the decision to get a divorce. Of course, he ruined last Christmas by leaving home on Dec. 23

They know about ethics because, while they'll lie to protect their self image following immoral behavour. They have no issue holding someone else to account for immoral behaviour.

I love it when you ask them why they didn't tell you they're having an affair and they say, "I didn't want to hurt your feelings."

@therapytalk1

Ай бұрын

or the ever-popular, “I didn’t want to upset you. you know how upset you get.” hope it’s all in your rearview mirror:)

@finn4785

Ай бұрын

@@therapytalk1 Ha! 25 years ago.

My parents main betrayal was giving me terrible advice that they would never do themselves in my situation and passing it off like it was something they had done to attain their success. I only found out in my 40s that they had been knowingly stearing me wrong on purpose in order to have more entertainment in their lives when I failed. Or in order to influence my major life decisions to make my life more productive for them even if it hurt me. I went grey rock as soon as I realized what was going on and left the state. Took me until 47 but I did it. Now they wonder why I changed and we aren't as close ie they want info on my plans so they can give me their poison pill advice so I will fail more. Instead I continue grey rock and lc, and my life and personal success just keeps getting better!

Learning the betrayal patterns has also helped me see how I absorbed said patterns. By processing my part in accepting the pain as something I deserved, I learned I didn't deserve it, which allowed me to be open and honest with the people I could trust.

@jeanie5074

3 ай бұрын

Ros, thank you for sharing, about you learning the betrayal patterns, and how you absorbed them. How did you absorb them, and what would you do different, if you were encountered in the same situation, w/the same person?

@roshanrahealer

3 ай бұрын

@@jeanie5074 Thank you for your reply. I am a highly sensitive empath and I tended to rebel until I couldn't stand the abuse. My mom was the primary caregiver, but my daddy was around when he could be. He was a truck driver. I felt more love from him when he was gone than I did my mom when she was home. As for how I would encounter the situation with the betrayal, I would say "hells to the no" a lot earlier. And I would start writing more before I turned 30. I don't regret those years as much now, as I'm healing, am in a healthy relationship, and am working towards business goals to help with financial abuse. I had to go through the darkness and process memories to gain balance in my life.

Will somebody PALEEZ make the tune "It Wasn't Me " the official theme song of the terminally self-centered🙄

@staceystrukel1917

3 ай бұрын

😂😂😂

@lindasharp927

3 ай бұрын

Definitely 😅😅

It comes down to the idea that perception is reality. They understand this but without the slightest understanding of the irony that their own "reality" is one big distortion of their own making.

@Twistingmp4

Ай бұрын

Oh yeah. It's pretty much the only form of revenge you can morally obtain against them. Letting them be. Hope you're all good man.

I know people who have braggingly admitted that their repeated, conspicuously-broken promises or active, bait-and-switch entrapments or paying someone repeatedly to vandalize my possessions were absolutely deliberate and saboteurial, and caused much, secondary harm as well.

@elizabethstarrivytech7817

3 ай бұрын

Oh jeez, this happened to me too when I was a teen (getting a third party to steal all my possessions--then using the insurance money to upgrade their own possessions, with nothing for me). I'd never seen anyone else claim this behavior before. So sorry this happened to you, but thanks for validating me!

@nickopeters

3 ай бұрын

What a shame for you to be targeted for that at such a young age. Dynamics in society have produced a culture of dehumanization.

The father of my twins told me he would pay the "house bills" if I put the down payment on our house. Also told me I was selfish for not quitting my job to stay home with the girls. Now when he gets angry he tells me I have to pay half of the bills. I would be so screwed if I quit my job, I'm thankful that I have resources to leave when the time is right.

I asked a close person who is a narc.. "Have you ever said something to me to influence my choice when I asked for advice in trust, If I had chosen what I would which would have been good for me, it would influence your position or life decisions." The person was taken aback, quite and changed topic.

@staceystrukel1917

3 ай бұрын

I would be surprised if they could even understand this.

@karenhere9327

3 ай бұрын

Excellent question, sounds like you were quite direct -knowing that they probably had an alterior motive and/or bad intentions with their advice. Not surprised they were taken aback. 👏 Good job

@AL-tq1or

2 ай бұрын

I asked my narc friend " What Do you like about me ? He said "that u always listening to me" (Which means in german "That u Go with my orders")

@senges6751

2 ай бұрын

I was told he likes me because I don't stress him.

Future faking is like dangling the carrot in front of the donkey whilst riding on its back

Thank you for always providing invaluable information and advice how to manage and navigate these toxic unhealthy relationships.. life saving!

Thank you. I always blamed myself for falling for the Hokey Pokey. This time around, I am wiser and experienced.

A narcissistic person will maximise the hurts you caused them (no matter how ridiculous) and minimise any hurt you have about what they did, no matter how bad or devastating that is! If this is a parent, it's a double whammy, because as the parent they held the authority and power in the relationship

I was literally watching The Rob Zombie Halloween/ Mike Myer's prison break/point of no return, where he finally kills Danny Trejo's character (which signifies he's lost all impulse control even when facing the people he loves). This is an exteme example of how far they'll to get what they want, at their own detriment. They're so pathologically selfish they lack self preservation. What a great intermission video perfectly timed. Thanks Dr Ramani ❤

@TireSlayer55

3 ай бұрын

pathologically selfish is a great description of a narcissist... thanks for that, I'm going to remember that one. it really explains the overall motive for their behavior.

@PixieCropCircleDuster

3 ай бұрын

@@TireSlayer55 Thank You. I've personally come realize that people pleasing someone who chronically lies , cheats & steals, manipulates, attention whores & only shows crocodile tears type of remorse, if they are at all remorseful , are slowly killing me, like a blood sucking cancer. IE: In Danny Trejo 's character's case, he invested over 10 years in Mike Myers (I know it's fictional but it's a great metaphor for what we're dealing with) . He had the option to walk past him, or lock him up & run, or even do as he suggested, put the cuffs on go back into his cell...but after years of service a few months away from retirement, he killed him . Like Doomhead in 31 when he gave Charlie 1 chance to live & she proved too defiant, if Danny's character couldn't be broken he was as good as dead to him. And there's nothing we can do to change how they think. At one point you realize his family sacrifice gave Laurie a whole new life she deserved, but even in time she became disposable & he struggled more not to kill her after destroying all the people she loved in one night. Except the kid she babysat , ironically when he realized what he was he reinacted forcing her out of the house violently & broke her fall. So obviously, as exploitative as Malcolm McDowell 's character is , he's also right about Mike In other circumstances he would be a lovely individual but that perfect storm of child hood trauma all but destroyed most of that child's soul & made him into that monster even he himself hated. It's hard not to see that wounded child and just allow the predator to do their thing. Poison snakes & Ivy are natural, so why do we try to change their nature. See the story of the frog & the scorpion from the Crying Game. It took me too long to realize how deadly it is to play their game. Most times that means gray rock not engaging & walking away like I literally just dodged a bullet, poison snakes, hungry mountain lion, velociraptor etc ....But honestly at the beginning when he kills his bully & everyone else, I'm laughing I'm like these @$$&oles deserved it, this is self defense....& Most of us feel for him we don't go that far but we get that rage...but then it just becomes a public safety risk for anyone in his path. I'd hate to be on the receiving end of that. Scary sh!t to think about ❤️

I had a yoga teacher who was cheating on his marriage with students. He just couldn't see how that power imbalance was abusive Eventually he started hitting on a teacher who worked at his studio. When she tactfully declined his advances, he sent out a group email about her. In the email, he spelled out what an awful person she was, and that she was no longer welcome at the studio. His charm and bullshit patterns had everyone fooled into thinking he was virtuous. He died suddenly. I did not attend his memorial. I did mourn the loss of a teacher, but I did not want to attend a tribute to a sexual predator. My filter is not disciplined enough.

@happyday3368

3 ай бұрын

I'm curious, did anyone who received the email think it was weird that the yoga instructor did that to trash the other teacher? Did anyone think that it was unprofessional the way he handled it? Generally, if someone truly was bad news, they'd be fired behind the scenes and then an email would be sent out saying some bs like, "So and so has left the company to explore other opportunities" or whatever story they can come up with that seems reasonable.

@usernameisunavailable8270

3 ай бұрын

​​​@@happyday3368He went after her character and not her professionalism from teacher to teacher. If she did something wrong, in a professional sense, it would have been stated and there would have been consequences for her. Instead he got personal with it. Because he was salty.

@happyday3368

3 ай бұрын

@@usernameisunavailable8270 Maybe I wasn't clear enough - my point was how HE handled it in a VERY unprofessional manner by sending out the mass email. Generally, it's handled very differently and the only way you'd know that is if you'd worked in a professional environment where this would NOT be done or tolerated. Doesn't matter if he was attacking her professionalism or her character - it just would NOT be put out there on a mass email.

@happyday3368

3 ай бұрын

@@usernameisunavailable8270 Sorry if I'm repeating myself but my last response didn't go thru. My point was that it was on HIM for being unprofessional that putting out an email like that is NEVER done - like EVER. You never attack anyone (unless you're begging for a lawsuit). Doesn't matter if you are attacking them for lack of professionalism or character - it's just NOT done in more professional environments. He sounds dim to me putting the place that employed him in that kind of position of being sued.

@happyday3368

3 ай бұрын

@@usernameisunavailable8270 and once again, my response didn't go thru - bs much?

This video was extremely validating. This was my experience to a T.

Medical providers may betray their patients. A reputable dentist who I trusted future faked me into believing I must have very expensive, unneeded, potentially injurious cosmetic surgery or I would suffer disastrous consequences. I declined and found a new dentist.

@robinantonio8870

3 ай бұрын

That's not future faking.

@lynnebucher6537

3 ай бұрын

That's a con job. I've had dentists do something similar. Make it sound like an emergency.

Dr RAMANI you are doing life saving work

I do not remember my mother expressing concern for others. But she had awful things to say about everyone.

in my case the narc tried to force unreasonable demands on me, disregarding my situation in real life to create a reason to discard me

Marriage seems hard unless you have really good people in your corner

@Twistingmp4

Ай бұрын

Honestly it just isn't worth it these days. Debt can be placed on the spouse upon death, one spouse can lie with a better lawyer and take everything, no matter how honest or emotional you are. Hell, it can be a means to take control over someone just as easily as it could be something fluent and decent. Not to mention, it's just an expensive piece of paper, that can easily become more expensive over the smallest things. Just have a ceremony, don't get legally bonded.

I grew up in a highly dysfunctional family and I learned to lie to protect myself from criticism and abuse. It's like you said. If I sleep in or watch tv or do nothing I'll lie to the over achiever and make up things I'm "not" doing. I feel aweful afterwards because I know I'm not being true to myself. And the relationship isn't genuine. I'm people pleasing knowing I'm fake. I'm not a go getter, doing, doing, doing. ( I'm relaxing, taking my time, remaining in my pjs today.) I dislike this dishonesty about myself. I guess it is a RED flag against me that I need more HEALING..

I got stuck for DECADES by the word SOMEDAY

@rennaferrell7363

8 күн бұрын

Omg!! Mine was SOON!!! Discarded 2 weeks ago! Woke up in that nightmare 7 years ago but financially dependent, until now!

And how insane the lies are is also traumatic. Not just the cheating lying but the Lying about things like cancer, being adopted, traumatic family back story and more are some of the lies my narc told me and I believed him. Helped him with all those things and to find out all that was a lie is a new reality break of how disgusting this person really is.

@passions329

3 ай бұрын

Felt this 100%

I didn't know till recently. My narc at 18 got married while pregnant and cheated on her husband with 3 other older married men. Two wives found out and went to her house. None if these men loved her enough or she loved them enough to start a new relationship. Not saying cheating is ok but if you don't love your husband and get caught, wouldnt you want to leave your husband and go with the man you love. I was the fourth man she cheated her husband with and I thought at the time he was the bad one. I wanted to marry her and she future faked me She only wanted to have fun. Disgusting

The narcissist actually believes their truth, not THE truth. Once you also believe THEIR truth, the betrayal becomes easy.

This needs to be taught in elementary school so that it's possible to restrain the disorder from claiming more people before they can't be healed

All of this applies to family, spouses and friendships and other relationships! Thank you for your content!

And they call you a liar for your truth of their action and twist it that you never loved them when you call them out on their true actions towards you

My ex was driving one time and me and my daughters were all car sick because he was driving crazy. When I told him we were car sick, he got furious and told me later that he “should be able to drive how ever he wants!!” To hell with the rest of his family.

This video triggers bad memories for me. I hope my abusers rot

@Twistingmp4

Ай бұрын

Eventually, when you heal and begin to feel better, you'll love them (platonically of course) no matter how bad you realize they are, you'll learn it's not completely their fault for the way they are. They're already suffering a fate worse than death.

@giancarlomartinez5630

Ай бұрын

@@Twistingmp4 no I won't and no they're not.

My family scores about all the issue's Dr. R mentions here. I found it especially hard as I was kinda brainwashed with the future fakes from when I was an infant I guess. Went no contact long ago, but not soon enough. I guess the best thing I've could have done is enlist myself in an orphanage at age 8 or something. Yea, what a disaster. And any accountability for anything from them ? Never. Just the usual "you should have done this and that but you were always such and so, we told you but you wouldn't listen" that kinda crap.

The moment i realized she was a narcst, i told her she needs to find someone else and we're done because a narcst is capable of cheating on you one day.

The narc I used to date, in his crazy making screamed at me "you will not destroy my dreams" talking about relationships, yet proceeded to crush my hope and wish to a sane and happy relationship. It's like they take your life, destroy it and tell you "watch what you did to me". This is pure insanity and wickedness.

"Will you still like me when I'm old and wrinkly?" What a sucker I was. 😂

@lucifermorningstar8469

16 күн бұрын

Ehhhhhhhh... She asked me the same freaking thing 👀💀 You better show this affection when im old and ugly.. 💀

My ex literally told me you know you can't trust your gut. Which was the red flag I finally listened to and cut contact. It's been 46 days, and I see a psychologist once a week to find myself again and learn to keep boundaries. But it will take time. We were together for a year and I think it takes just as long to unlearn. The withdrawal from someone who never existed is great and difficult. The feeling of being emotionally violated but physically missing my "rapist" with anxiety attacks and my brain's willingness to make excuses for the things I've experienced and it's attempts to convince me that this can't be true is surprisingly hard to break. On a logical level, I know what I have been exposed to. So it is my belief that with increased knowledge through books and lectures, the body will understand it to eventually. Thanks for your excellent work Dr Ramani :)

"I lied because you lie" i dont even want to ask "what did i lie about?" Because it leads to horrendous and hurtful accusations...

I am floored. Yesterday, I decided to leave for a couple of days and take some time by myself to really think about things in my relationship, and try to make a decision about how I want to move forward without my partner's influence or distraction. I wasn't looking for this video or even browsing the subject. It just showed up on my feed and caught my attention. But oh my gosh, it's SO spot on and relevant! It hits home in an undescribable way and helps me with answers I didn't really want to ask the questions to. I'm definitely going to be spending the rest of the evening watching more of her videos to see if they help me get my mindset to the place it needs to be to make the best decisions for myself. To the woman who made this video, THANK YOU.

Glad I opened the closet and showed literally everyone the narcissist cared about (aka his supply chains) all the monsters in his closet, and all the lies. He lost control. Still scrambling to get it back. He'll most likely fail, even though he feels like he's back in control. He definitely took it 'deeper underground' but too bad for him, people out there are still on to him. He'll have a harder time getting away with his abuses now. Karma is coming again, dude.