Barely recognized him with his shirt on

@tobymann7685

6 жыл бұрын

Thormund Giantsbane hes the machine

@Angel-yj4tz

6 жыл бұрын

TOTALLY not A COP lmao

@bonniesmith6859

6 жыл бұрын

I was thinking the same exact thing, he's thinner too

@rjw4149

5 жыл бұрын

Not natural...gotta let your shit breathe.

@NefariousDreary

5 жыл бұрын

TOTALLY not A COP lmao!

So I hear you are the machine.

@jrosegaming3025

5 жыл бұрын

я машина

@stevenporter7065

5 жыл бұрын

I'm dead!

@pokethebear1344

5 жыл бұрын

It would be an honor to do a shot with the machine

@toxic-orbit6481

5 жыл бұрын

@Skull Knight yo let me in on this friendship but only if the machine joins it

@DigitalAscended

5 жыл бұрын

nice

Took me two minutes before I realized why I was uncomfortable. Too much shirt.

@jenniferbryn

4 жыл бұрын

more cowbell....less shirt

@alexreinhardt671

3 жыл бұрын

@@corywiedenbeck1562 he usally doesn't wear a shirt

I'm a Mexican American citizen and I find this offensive because Lowrider cars and gangs were not mentioned

@jpinon2013

4 жыл бұрын

Mexican-American citizen? Lol 😆

@jewnur420

4 жыл бұрын

Bruh you spelled offensive wrong

@Odvic

4 жыл бұрын

chucky yeah it’s not that hard to understand.

@jpinon2013

4 жыл бұрын

@@Odvic i thought it was just called an American citizen not a Mexican-American citizen.

@Odvic

4 жыл бұрын

chucky nah it’s the same for African Americans. It’s not what they should be called , but for some reason a lot of immigrants tend to leave it . Normally, I think, if born here it’s just an American .

99% of the comments are about other people getting offended. 1% are off people saying THE MACHINE! 0% Are of people getting offended

@api4779

5 жыл бұрын

The M A C H I N E

@9cm922

5 жыл бұрын

THE MACHINE!

@elbonnybar

5 жыл бұрын

mmm, what sbout the % of people getting confused by the shirt he's wearing. Bert Kreischer is wearing a shirt.

@kylewinterroth4270

4 жыл бұрын

I'm offended

@brenrei

4 жыл бұрын

@@kylewinterroth4270 you offend me by being offended! 😂😂😂

Its the machine

@noenpegase8468

7 жыл бұрын

No, He's THE MACHINE!!!!!

@jonasreed4428

6 жыл бұрын

Fuck that bitch this is Russia

@Lili-fe6oq

6 жыл бұрын

so I hear you are the Machine?!

@2shiiesty

6 жыл бұрын

Tonight, you party with us

@Karma-uo9rz

6 жыл бұрын

By Strength And guile SBS fuck that bitch this is rusarra

anything with a good tan about 4 feet tall just stops

“Everything with a good tan under four feet y’all just stops” dawg I’m a grown ass adult and I still check to see if I’m the one getting yelled at. 😂

I'm offensive and I find this Mexican

@StonewallSowash

6 жыл бұрын

BigT 187 this is the best thing ive read all day!

@brianamaldonado7819

5 жыл бұрын

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

@NefariousDreary

5 жыл бұрын

lmao! orale!

@taylorrenneker

5 жыл бұрын

Haha

@savvylever8527

5 жыл бұрын

You mind fucked me for about 5 seconds there, so imma give you a like

"alright let's talk about Mexicans"

@youremom6349

6 жыл бұрын

DeathBoyX1 are we talking about deporting the illegal ones....

@Georgespicedaddy

5 жыл бұрын

Youre Mom my truck gives my stance on the argument away

@thetruthnothingbutthetruth4797

5 жыл бұрын

if they are anything like the CUBANS then i freakin LOVE them

@reesejeffries585

5 жыл бұрын

DeathBoyX1 damn💀💀

@darthwerd6390

4 жыл бұрын

​@@susanneskadetsinnverdilsek5901 Statistics bro, back your shit up with proof otherwise you're just another blow hard

Before he was “The Machine” he was “La Maquina” and he usted to hang out with Joaquín “El Chapo” Guzmán

All the races but the mexicans: ANGER My fellow mexicans: HA! THE GORDO IS RIGHT

@alvrito7

3 жыл бұрын

true jajajja

@fumothfan9

3 жыл бұрын

La macina

@bryanarriaga7814

3 жыл бұрын

Neta güey nothing but facts

@wolfstar675

2 жыл бұрын

The gordo 😂 🤣

@christophercevallos7309

2 жыл бұрын

Truth

I'm mexican and everything he's saying is right lmao

@freddycastro7967

6 жыл бұрын

Jellyfish Queen like this would 100% happen in Juarez. we're that great

@NefariousDreary

5 жыл бұрын

totally! love it!

@amirodriguez5778

5 жыл бұрын

Same 😭😂

@arturitosanchezjr1130

5 жыл бұрын

He forgot the part where the mom cussis the kid out and whacks him on the head

@nikolasl5373

5 жыл бұрын

Us Mexicans don't give a shit what its about, we just like to be represented.

I'm latino and this sht so funny and true

@HuyLe2607

6 жыл бұрын

so latino moms do stab their kids?

@livelaughlove0209

5 жыл бұрын

Huy Le yep

@yrussq

5 жыл бұрын

@Ari Ancheta He did not. He just didn't ring the bell :)))

@TheSkaterandres

5 жыл бұрын

@@HuyLe2607 yes with da chancla *bwaaa*

@danybiggg

3 жыл бұрын

@@HuyLe2607 they do

"Pulled out a knife, stabbed him in the heart." That bit was worked to a fucking T.

Don’t forget the Italian parents 😂 My best friend is Mexican and I swear the main reason we became friends was because we bonded over how our parents would discipline us as kids 😂

@g.g.7730

3 жыл бұрын

Lmao vero 😂

@alexreinhardt671

3 жыл бұрын

Don't forget Irish parents I have an Irish Mom and I am scared of the spoon

@Hugo-py2ce

2 жыл бұрын

Hahaha so true 👍

@jamesmayle3787

2 жыл бұрын

Jesus Christ is Lord. Please take your salvation seriously. It is all True. Read the Bible and do what it says. It's more important than you know//

@asunderwolf20

2 жыл бұрын

Mexicans and Italians are just the same product from different brands

Why all the non Mexicans offended 😂

@andovan6264

6 жыл бұрын

CommunistWombat sovietwomble?

@lejenddairy

5 жыл бұрын

I was on another comment section from a segment he did with Conan and a lot of people in the comment section were saying he's a racist piece of shit, so I type in Bert Kriescher racism to see what everybody was on about and this is what I get? Fucking Christ people are really sensitive and soft.

@-roxanna9216

5 жыл бұрын

not Mexicans: offended Mexicans: laughing their ass off yelling same

@stalo8

5 жыл бұрын

🤣🤣🤣

@toxic-orbit6481

5 жыл бұрын

Ikr lmao

Fake video! he's wearing a shirt!! not the real machine!!! xD

@Skorczman13

5 жыл бұрын

This was before he was the fattest comedian, he was still the most racist but now he has achieved the status of being both the FATTEST and most RACIST!

@jenniferbryn

4 жыл бұрын

hahaha!!!!

@andyt7209

4 жыл бұрын

You are probably a flat earther too! Lol sorry but,..... Really? Fake video? LMMFAO! Can't believe I even scrolled down long enough to have seen your comment now about to pee myself laughing! TY

@bingibingibomb79

4 жыл бұрын

Andy T u serious rn?

@topspeed902

4 жыл бұрын

Flat earther

"And everything with a good tan under 4ft tall just stops" lol

@kitsunefire1

4 ай бұрын

Can confirm lmao A lady at Kohls yelled "VEN ACA CABRÓN" and I was like pre-programmed to just start walking without realizing or hesitation

When he rang the bell i already knew the reaction of the kid and the reaction of the parent, had me crying.

Clicked it because the thumbnail looks like Danny McBride...stayed because it was Bert Kreischer

@moth4514

6 жыл бұрын

rransomm so you don't read titles lol

@jeremiahochoa1989

5 жыл бұрын

I thought the same thing lol

@TheDextroenergy

4 жыл бұрын

It's not Bert Kreischer.. it's THE MACHINE

Yoooo when he said black kids are like....beyotch I lost it 😂😂😂

I feel like Bert learned how to roll his Rs and was like “ok now it’s time for my Spanish jokes “ 😂😂

You can see Latina moms do sixteen hit combos with la chancla like they're in Street Fighter Alpha.

In german tv dora is speaking english.

@goa141no6

6 жыл бұрын

Socken Kekse in Mexico dora speeks english to

@colynrobinson212

5 жыл бұрын

In America she speaks 90% English and when she needs something she teaches you the Spanish words. Weird how they didn't change it for localization.

@BoiledMilkSteak7

5 жыл бұрын

Socks cooks

@dustinmccarley6141

5 жыл бұрын

Your kidding right thats great

@oskar6384

5 жыл бұрын

Norwegian to

Seriously first time Adam Sandler ever made me laugh

@ThiccolasCage01

3 жыл бұрын

Old comment i know, bit if youve never laughed at an adam sandler movie then something js wrong with you. Sure his later movies are geared towards kids. But, Happy Gilmore? Billy madison? Little Nicky? The classics are fantastic

@tamnicco

3 жыл бұрын

@@ThiccolasCage01I understand everyone has different expectations, but in my opinion he's the same character in every movie, he has no acting range, and he's doing a kinda savage, unintelligent type of comedy. There are so many great comedies, so he's sitting on the bottom. He's very avarage, compare to comedians like Steve Martin, Bill Murray, Monty Python, Simon Pegg and Nick Frost, RIchard Pryor, Chavy Chase, Kevin Smith and so on.

@ThiccolasCage01

3 жыл бұрын

@@tamnicco to say he has no acting range is just wrong, even if it's your opinion. Go watch Uncut Gems, amd if youve already seen it and you still say he has no range, then i dont even know how to respond to that

@tamnicco

3 жыл бұрын

@@ThiccolasCage01 my opinion is not wrong, it's just different from yours, and he was always known as a bad actor, he was always critised for that. Anyway we talked about his comedies, especially in his prime, he always played the same character, this dimwitted man-child with a big heart. Uncut gems and couple of other movies are exceptions, doesn't describe his career. . Actors like DeNiro, Al Pacino, Edward Furlong, Brad Pitt, Gary Oldman, DiCaprio and so on, they are great actors, they had highly acclaimed films from the very beginning, they have a skillset and acting range. Actors, like Sandlers who made fortune on cheap comedies, can be put in the same category with Rob Schneider, Dwayne Johnson, Ashton Kutcher, Charlie Sheen, Nicolas Cage etc. It's not even hard to find aricles and videos about him and his acting, but if you like him, it's your business, totally fine, just don't want to convince me that he's a good actor.

@ThiccolasCage01

3 жыл бұрын

@@tamnicco No your opinion is wrong as it can be proven so by factual evidence, aka Uncut Gems. We were talking about his acting range, and how it's nonexistent according to you. However, his range is from dumb elementary fart jokes to to profound dramatic roles. Those are to very different types of performances on the opposite ends of the spectrum. I understand the concept of the exception is not the rule, but in this case if the exception exists then rule is false. This case being that he allegedly has no range as the rule. You can dislike him as an actor, comedian, personality whatever, and thats totally fine man. But you can't say that he has no range because that is simply not true. Its not a matter of opinion. You could argue that he isnt a good actor in his dramatic roles, but that isnt what we're taking about

If he did this in 2020 sad people on Twitter with no lifes could cancel him

@thereject505

3 жыл бұрын

They cancel people for past jokes too

@raider52cg

3 жыл бұрын

I'm Mexican we don't care, we like to laugh

Latina moms are crazy. I one time was goofing around in the house and my mama (a short Puerto Rican lady) yelled at me to stop. I kept goofing around and next thing I know there's a slipper flying towards my head. Don't do anything stupid with Latina moms...you'll either see the slipper or the wooden spoon.

@jasonalvarado7029

4 жыл бұрын

Mine hit my brother with a pot she was just using and it was hot 😂

@_m.i.a.g.r.a.c.e_

4 жыл бұрын

@@jasonalvarado7029 Damn...and I thought the slipper was bad...

@jasonalvarado7029

4 жыл бұрын

Mia Grace My brother and I had boots launched at us,been smacked in the face in public one time I was hit with a golf club.eventually my parents just stopped hitting us cuz it didn’t work 😂

@OMGtheykilledKenny42

4 жыл бұрын

La Chancla?

@taino20

3 жыл бұрын

Beware of the flying slipper! Ever think you got away with something and then hours later you'd be sitting and enjoying TV, when all of a sudden you'd be hit with the flying slipper and your mom would say,"Thought I didn't see you before?"

I don’t understand why people are offended because other people are offended 😑

@jarradpuckridge8210

6 жыл бұрын

Lulu Blue Nobody understands, all we can do is bash our heads into our desks repeatedly and hope its a joke.

@pickletickle8300

6 жыл бұрын

Would you say that... you are... triggered? Triggered that other people are triggered that other people are triggered? Does that mean i'm triggered that you're triggered about other people being triggered about triggered people? This has gone too far

@mary-dt2eb

6 жыл бұрын

Lulu Blue I

@joshtucker5724

6 жыл бұрын

You offended me by being offended at people being offended at people being offended

@th3ronin407

5 жыл бұрын

Lulu Blue just to be offended

I just love how the story gets gradually more and more outrageous, so it’s hard to notice until the very end.

"Everything under 4 feet with a tan froze" killed me

Literally no one in the comments is offended, but every comment is "why everyone so offended" Go back to reddit

@dougmcguire3159

4 жыл бұрын

I hate reddit. Your comment is utterly offensive.😉

@WeezerColdplay

4 жыл бұрын

You ate their pasta

@thunderstar254

3 жыл бұрын

Sounds like you're the only offended one here lmao

he is so funny. I love him

@themtrider6530

7 жыл бұрын

Riley Butterfield i love you

@TrapasaurusFlex

7 жыл бұрын

Generic on 2 Wheel's _ That was pathetic

@Peanut-ly7ll

7 жыл бұрын

Riley Butterfield SUP Same last name

@MegaDucky26

7 жыл бұрын

He is funny, but there are to many thin skinned people out here after reading the comments.

@joefitzgeraldify

6 жыл бұрын

Riley, you are gorgeous!

As a Mexican, this shit is the funniest thing I've heard. Keep em coming

@noshotnova2432

Жыл бұрын

You guys loved Mencia too, you have shit taste in comedy mexico.

I’m Mexican and I’m not offended at all, my mom stabs me in the heart all the time!!! And I came out alright...

@Elitecommando501

2 жыл бұрын

Right 😂 these non Mexicans are soft

This was so spot on. Could not have been any better

Moms have that backhand that when it connects you'd swear you're hearing a thunderclap.

"pulled out a knife, stabbed him in the heart".. bahaha.. I laughed out so hard at that part.

It's unreal how a comedian like him can take a Dora thing and run with it. Brilliant !!😂 Prob sitting there with kids watching and his wheels kept turning. Mad that's good shit.

2019 and for me still ... "You're the machine!!!"

1:45 I live in Connecticut, This is quite accurate.

"Make a move marico" ...lmfao

People need to understand that no one takes a joke better than a Mexican. This guy is hilarious!!!

Bruh the part “shu lied to me” “ pulled out a knife and stabbed him in the heart” XDDDDDDDD

"Alright let's talk about Mexicans." This is going to be a great video

@javierdon5918

3 жыл бұрын

Asshole 😂

That kid got off easy, because at least he didnt get "the chancla"

@raypelling6440

3 жыл бұрын

That's what I'm sayin'! ...and how you KNOW it's not a true story.😁

@alexreinhardt671

3 жыл бұрын

The worst enemy

Sounds kinda like, *"It's the Border Patrolllllllll who lives under the briiiiiiiidge"*

Lol I'm part Mexican and this is really funny to me. Especially about the Mexican moms. So true!

Stabbed him in the heart

Can somebody animate this pls

@coolranchdudess9051

5 жыл бұрын

@@harey3070 no reason, must animate

@jenniferbryn

4 жыл бұрын

omg please!!!!!!!!

@Moodo76

4 жыл бұрын

Just use your damn imagination...

This is when Bert was still a caterpillar, before he metamorphosisisis'd into a beautiful butterfly and started doing gigs with no shirt on.

I've re watched this so many times I've lost count 😂

I rarely use this word, but this man is a genius. LOVE this stuff. And you have not LIVED until you have seen his The Machine story. OMG! Beautiful.

YAAÀAHHHH!!!!! it's the machine....Hello from Jamaica.

Mad how this just popped up after Bert talking about it on the post

I’ve seen Bert giggle. It was a pleasure. Especially when he does it because things just spiraled out of his control and he doesn’t know what to do, lol… you all should see that clip of him at a cattle/steer auction.. 😂

@supremebuffalo6322

2 жыл бұрын

Where he accidentally buys a cow? 😆 Yep haha great clip

3:14 How to make friends in Spore

@xx_rai510_xx3

5 жыл бұрын

IM DEAD 🤣🤣🤣

I never thought Bert was funny til I seen this 😂😭😂🤣 And I’m Mexican 🇲🇽 🇺🇸

This is such a great bit

"And the black kids are like BYATCH"

I need to stop watching these videos while doing my morning/night routines. I almost choked on my mouthwash 😂

wow. just discovered this guy. brilliant.

So true about Connecticut!! Born and raised

This dude is the funniest guy i have ever watched!!

4:52 somebody is gonna get hurt reeaal baaaad!!!

@WforBogart

5 жыл бұрын

Majd Aasee I understood that reference.

@thunderstar254

3 жыл бұрын

Crazy how time flies. That was my first intro to stand up comedy.

As a Mexican-American woman, I approve! I laughed my ass off!

@hzq-yg8bj

Жыл бұрын

You're not american, hop back over the border subhuman.

Love the pause at the end , great shit 😂😅😂

Bert, you are one standup guy I can’t get enough of your hilarious jokes. The one about having Mexican daughters really got me going! Seriously brother you are too funny.

when he quoted the boy saying "make your move mericon" i fucking lost it

@paulk.794

2 жыл бұрын

Literally

As a mexican i find this hella funny

@jamesmayle3787

2 жыл бұрын

Jesus Christ is Lord. Please take your salvation seriously. It is all True. Read the Bible and do what it says. It's more important than you know//

I moved from CT to AZ and this is entirely accurate

This is great. A white dude who's not afraid to joke and is good at it.

@fullchicken4492

2 жыл бұрын

Why would he be afraid? He's not disrespectful and he's actually helping Mexicans integrate themselves more into society by telling actual funny jokes about them.

@crookedjack5499

Жыл бұрын

@@fullchicken4492 Because lonely fat white women on twitter with neon hair will get mad and accuse him of everything you can think of lmao

I watched the Ralphie May joke about Dora & the punch line was completely different. How do ppl not know the difference?

This is sooo true. I'm Latina and he's hilarious.

im so used to seeing bert as his present self that seeing him in this video from so long ago i almost didnt recognize him

Best story teller...

I have never seen this man with a shirt on! Just wow!

Lmao you brought me out of my depression with that butterfly knife to the heart reenactment 😂😂

@jenniferbryn

4 жыл бұрын

yay!!!

@HH-el8vp

Жыл бұрын

Its funny we all knew it was a butterfly knife.

This was honestly his creative peak, still live you Bart

beautiful !

I keep thinking of Kenny Powers with a haircut

As a Mexican I can confirm. That this is accurate.

From 2009 to 2019 Bert really blew up.. God damn 😂 good thing he got on T

Looks and sounds a bit like the machine, but this guys wearing a shirt

“Everything with a good tan under four feet tall stops.”

When I clicked on this video I wanted to be offended but it was WAAAYYYY TOO FUNNY😂🤣😆

Bert : “Alright... Lets talk about Mexicans.” Me : *Sí?*

*Everytime this dude yellin his name scared the hell out of me. lmao*

As a Mexican this is fucking hilarious for me, especially the Dora joke!😂

omfg I haven't laughed this hard in forever, just non-stop with this guy 🤣🤣

My WiFi glitched out exactly when evee Everything stopped so it timed perfectly!

The Machine!

Lol it's not racist, don't get offended whoever is... Well leave. I'm Hispanic and it's funnay af dying rn

@itbelikedatbihh5549

5 жыл бұрын

Dre and Diego coconut

@Twocrudedudes

5 жыл бұрын

thanks, professor

I wish comedians are like this now a days it's hilarious

This is wiiild! Bert looks and sounds so much different now

This guy's great.

Back when it was ok to laugh!

I'm Latino and this shit is totally funny! I would have been one of the people in the crowd who cheered when he said Mexicans chastise better than anyone - I've had my butt whooped plenty of times.

On par, so verdy, VERDY FUNNY.

I swear I watched this like 20 times