I‘ve never had an argument with my boyfriend and was low-key worried as everybody said that you have to have a good „fighting culture“ 😅 glad to hear we can go on talking about our problems without arguing and still have a healthy and solid relationship 😂

13:00 "You can't resolve any emotions that aren't in your own body." 🤯👏😍 Never heard it headed this way, and I thinks it's brilliant! 💡❤️

QUEEN OF BOUNDARIES?!?!? Michele is the hero we need in 2023

Thank you so much Hannah - as always, loved coming on your channel and thank you to the brilliant Mia for editing it in a way that hides how ill I was 😂

@ThePixiixiq

Жыл бұрын

Hi Michelle. Is there somewhere on EU-side of the channel where we can buy your new book?

5:50 "There's a difference between privacy and honesty." 🥳👏👏👏

SOOO articulate. Honestly sometimes I feel like the answers to my problems just lie in hearing the right words in the right order. This was that video x5

I would LOOVEEE to see more content on dating and relationships with a chronic illness/disability. I'm currently single and content with that, but also would love to find a partner to share my life with. But due to my chronic illnesses/disabilities, I struggle with the actual logistics of dating - finding the energy, dealing with the passive rejection, maintaining plans once they are made, physically taking care of myself so that I feel confident and comfortable meeting new people - I'd love some advice on how to put myself out there in the world as far as dating is concerned while working within the constraints that my illnesses put on me.

As someone who struggles with thinking of themself as a burden, love the idea of thinking about how actually everyone brings different things to the table and everyone has difficult times, and yours might just happen to be to do with health.

I felt a bit emotional when you were talking about starting new relationships with chronic illness and worrying about being a burden. My ex of several years ended things because my illness was too much for him after it came on. It broke my heart and made me think my issues would always be too much for people. Then I met my current boyfriend who, like you describe, found all my needs etc to not be a problem and was happy to help where he could.

@ajh3301

Жыл бұрын

Absolutely! Tears were rolling down my face. My husband of 22 years left because he couldn’t cope and decided his happiness was more important. There was no communication, just one day the words “I don’t think I want to be with you anymore.” I also kind of gave up. Who would want to be with suck a broken person? Thankfully after counseling and time I decided to try. I have met the most wonderful man who accepts me as I am. So glad you have found someone too!

I loved what you said about bad communication being the norm in society and not overtaking other people's emotions so that they have the space to feel their own emotions

Enough pearls of wisdom in this to make a whole necklace! Especially the one about the perception of chronic illness by default being one the biggest issue in a relationship, even though one without empathy and good communication could be much harder. I have ended up in bad relationships because no matter my partner's behaviour I've been convinced it must be less difficult than them having to deal with my disabilities and their limitations.

you know the thing when you lift a stone in the garden and a hundred bugs come rushing out? this is how i felt for this video but in a positive way. the bugs are well-phrased, delightful nuggets of truth and advice.

I didn't know Michelle but wow, just after this video I'm a big fan! Thank you Hannah for introducing us to amazing people

Oooh her books sound so interesting, especially the boundaries books

Omg love her PLEASE take her back for future videos 😍😍😍😍

So much good stuff here but the one that hit me was "It's difficult to be with everyone sometimes." I'm divorced and am now very uninterested in dating because it seems like so much work to be in a relationship. Interesting to think that it will be that way regardless of who it is or what their particular "difficult" parts are, physical, emotional, spiritual etc.

That’s great guest hosting!! Thank you for that, very happy to see the development happening.

The explanation of difference between a healthy boundary and a wall and how to make an effective compromise by looking at what the real issue is, was groundbreaking for me. I've been in a really long relationship and stuck in the cishet stereotype of "waiting for a ring". This made me realise that my main issue is the not knowing. It's him saying he eventually wants to marry me but not doing anything about it. I don't necessarily need to get married. I'm fine with a PoA for medical emergencies. But the contradiction has been killing me lately. Thank you, Michelle (and Hannah!) I'm an instant fan! 🧡💛

Whenever a new video is uploaded from Hannah I dash to the kettle and sit down and watch. Because I know I’ll always take something great from watching one of your videos! Thanks Hannah and Michelle Elman! :) ❤

Such a good video and very interesting topic! Did not know Michelle but I do now and will look for these books 👀

I always enjoy coming home on Tuesday evenings and cooking whilst watching your video. Loved this video and especially hearing Michele's take on relationships and disabilities so much! If there were more questions, could you do a part two?

Michelle needs a KZread channel. This is fantastic.

I absolutely LOVE what Michelle had to say about having a relationship when you have a chronic illness. Thank you! :)

This was amazing!! She's amazing!! The answer about chronic illness and relationships was SUPERB ❤️

Love this kind of content, thank you Hannah and Michelle!

This video is so healing 🥺

The language around arguments was actually really interesting. There have been a few times me and my boyfriend have argued about something and in my head it’s been a big argument but when we’ve spoke about it later on he’s just seen it as a minor disagreement 😂 I’ve never thought about it the way you’ve put it. The part about illness being a burden actually made me sad to think this person felt that way. Relationships are not straight forward, to be with someone long term, you are gunna get the shitty parts and both people need to be able to communicate and deal with it. Marriage vows say “through sickness and health”. To me, you don’t just run cause you’re going through something hard, the other person probably needs you and your support more then than ever. If they’re not up to it, they’re not the right person.

Ooh, what a good guest pick! Thanks Hannah, and thank you Michelle for the wonderful insight. I will definitely have to check out your content! Also as someone who's had 10 surgeries I'm always surprised and impressed? is that weird? when someone has had more! Solidarity~

I definitely relate to it being helpful to voice to your partner what your fears and insecurities are regarding your chronic pain/illness. I have chronic, frequent migraines and have definitely said to my partner before that I was worried that I was burdening him or that I wasn't able to be a good girlfriend sometimes/often, because I had to spend the day in bed so frequently. He has always very understanding and has massively supported me from the start and has assured me he never resented me for my illness, which was a fear of mine. I always try to make sure to let him know how much I appreciate him for everything he does for me and I also think that him seeing me on my worst has strengthened our relationship.

Loved hearing these Q&As from Michele ❤️❤️❤️

you've earned a new fan Michelle! loved this so much

Two of my faves together - love to see it!

This is so amazing and so helpful and inspiring! ❤️‍🩹🖤❤️💛❤️💗💙💜💙🧡🌈🌈🧡💗🤍🤎💞💝💖💖💔🌈🧡💗💙💜💜💙🧡🌈🧡💙💙❤️💛💛🖤💓💞💚🤍💖💖🤎💞💜💜💙💗🧡🧡🌈🌈💛🧡💗💙💜💜

This is brilliant, I want more Michelle on Hannah's channels!

This is an excellent video, thanks Michelle and Hannah!

So many things I needed to hear and that are helping me! Thank you both so much! Looking at the unmet needs when "compromising" was so simple yet mindblowing to me. Keep doing what you are doing!

Omg what a crossover! Can't wait to watch this :"D

Michelle has the best advice!

the bit around 11:00 - seriously! All my past relationships / situationships were toxic, full of fighting etc. I've been with my partner for 6 years and we have NEVER shouted at eachother. We have minor disagreements occasionally (mostly misunderstandings, as I am autistic and English is his second language) and have only ever had one 'fight'. It caused a 2-month break, but calling it a fight is not quite correct, it was more of an emotional re-establishing of boundaries as we decided to become officially monogamous with one another.

Incredible work! I totally understand the one about chronic illness. Communication is so crucial to a relationship. Thank you for sharing your wisdom!

I always think that arguments are a part of relationships, whether that’s romantic, friendship, family etc. All it takes is one persons in a bad mood/had a bad day and the other did an annoying habit that’s usually not a big deal. It becomes an argument but once everyone has cooled off and had a thought, it’s easy to be resolved with a discussion. Appreciation that we’re all human is key and unfortunately there’s days that we all hit our limit is necessary.

How very well explained everything was! Loved it, thank you ;)

Oh hey, I have adhd and my partner has adhd, suspected (not officially diagnosed) autism, and a chronic illness. We communicate a lot, that's the main thing that makes it work I think. Even tho she has more diagnosed things, I have my own problems too, you can have a balance of supporting each other. Like, she's the first partner I've had to understand that when I get frustrated and angry over seemingly small things it isn't personal, it isn't about her it's about myself, and she gives me so much space to work through it without judgement

Oh I needed this - also loved the shout out to Holly Bourne - clearly w my gals over here! Can’t wait to binge these books too

love this so much :)

Regarding the long-distance relationship question: I think considering the choice to spend time with your partner as investing in building the life you want for yourself can be a helpful way to explain your decision in a way that respects your individual personhood.

Michelle I loveeeee the part on unmet needs! ♡

Love the video

Wow, thank you Hannah for giving us thé chance to discover Michelle, I AM IN LOVE 😍 #QueenOfBoundaries

12:25 for the question in the title

How do you establish boundaries/personal space/being overtouched with small children? They can't understand why sometimes I JUST CANT ANYMORE.

I and my partner (of nearly 5 years) are both conflict avoidant and super caring about other ones feelings. As we clearly care each other so, so much, we have had room to grow strong trust to each other (despite our trauma backgrounds). We know that other one is never wanting to hurt us on purpose. Of course, we both have sometimes been hurt, but it is always accidental, and hurt is mostly related to trauma background. As we are equally scared of hurting each other, from day 1 we have gone through "what if in future" kind of questions. We have gone through so many likely and unlikely schenarios, that we just don't need to fight. We know that we can solve any issue together. We give each other and ourselves room to feel feelings. Ask how they want to be supported that time. When feelings are calmed (at least partly) we can discuss, why we are hurt. We never undermine each other's feelings. So not having need to fight, can be in some cases super healthy...if both are that way and willing to solve issues together and support each other, always.

Was slightly worried going into this with the title that the contents of the video would be more abrasive. Halfway through though and so far there is some good advice there. Thank you for the videos as always Hannah and thank you for the good advice Michelle (who i just met just now. hi Michelle).

Hello Hannah! I loved, LOVED this video and would love to send it to my friends but they don't speak English, would it be possible to have Spanish subtitles? I'd be more than happy to make them for you!

I've never had an actual fight with my boyfriend of six years... because we're both conflict avoidant 🤣 we discuss things but there's also never been an important matter where we disagreed. We don't live together yet so that may be about to change 😅

@rachelam18

Жыл бұрын

Best piece of advice I ever got when moving in with my boyfriend was ‘don’t let roommate issues become relationship issues’. For me, we bickered less because it’s worse having a major fall out when you live together and you’re stuck in the same house 😂 you kind of just let the little ‘living together’ things go

Hello from Holland, Ty so much

I want to chip in to the first question! When you are having sex (as a non-virgin) for the first time with a new person, they don't know about your quirks. They don't know whether you'll be shy or awkward. They won't see that you are a "virgin" and they definitely won't feel it (if you are a person with a vagina) You can just say that you are shy and nervous (which is true!) You don't need to put out the whole story about your sexual history or lack thereof. Just say you're shy! It's fine. From my personal experience, I've always been super awkward and shy the first few times and it takes me months for example to do anything other than penetrative sex (somehow that's the least intimate thing you can do, imo)

Incredibly good advice! Maybe it should be in the title that it's a Q&A?

As someone who is in a long distance relationship (Suffolk to Surrey), I love the way Michelle talked about it. I have many friends who support me while I travel and spend most of my weekends to see my partner as he has a Muggle job and I don't. But I do have some friends who defo think that I shouldn't spend so much time with my partner which makes me feel sad and guilty. Hearing Michelle's words on priorities at points in times has been so helpful and made me feel less guilty. ❤️❤️

Leaving a comment for the algorithm

I will say as someone on the opposite side of the first question, I found it extremely hurtful that my longtime boyfriend actively lied to me about his experience. It was my first time, we had been seeing each other seriously for years at that point and he always just told me he'd slept with lots of people at parties. That experience was actually a big part of why we broke up. I'd imagine it would be different in a more casual relationship but if you're in a committed longterm relationship, lying about something like that feels like betrayal.

@alisonpritchard406

Жыл бұрын

Theres a difference between not sharing information and intentionally providing false information though? Totally agree lying wasnt the right move and it must have hugely damaged your ability to trust him - breaking up very understandable - but thats not what Michelle was advocating for.

Thanks

I was parenting my old roommate. he didn't do the dishes without me prompting him and when he would do them he wouldn't even clean everything HE made dirty. One morning I asked him to take more initiative with it and he lashed out at me. He'd drink beer while watching football on the weekends and the empty cans would still be in the living room as I got ready for my day Monday morning. I was constantly picking up his clutter and he would leech the energy out of my body. He made fun of the youtube videos and TV shows I liked and now I'm too embarrassed to watch TV in the living room out of fear my new roommate will judge me. It's SO draining when you're taking care of people around you that are able-bodied and can be taking care of themselves, they see your time and energy as less valuable than theirs.

💖

🙏❣️

Just to chip in my two cents on the first one, although I agree you are not obliged to tell someone your sexual history, personally I wouldn’t feel comfortable sleeping with someone who was secretive or wasn’t willing to give me at least an idea so I know what I’m dealing with. As I’d struggle To fully trust them if they couldn’t be open with me. In that scenario, if I was with someone who wasn’t willing to be honest and disclose their history at least vaguely, I wouldn’t pressure them to tell me, but I would probably call the whole thing off, because I wouldn’t be comfortable sleeping with them anymore, and doing so would be crossing my own boundary.

I want to send this to my brothers gf

hi

I'M SCARED TO WATCH THIS VIDEO 🥲🤣🤣

Oh my partners mother and sister believe that He is not very independant (wich is completely wrong in my opinion) and the first time they overtly told me I was just stunned. He is over thirty and has lived in a different City for over ten years. They were asking me "is he usually more independant? " because he forgot to pour the tea that He put the kettle on for. Like whaaaat? What reality do you live in? My partner didn't have any sexual experience when we got together. I didn't mind at all but knowing definitely helped!

A bit of a letdown about the answer to the question. What Michelle suggests is still mothering and being responsible. There's this podcast on the topic I liked, if you're interested: kzread.info/dash/bejne/p2p6yNqfgrC3m9o.html.

Why You Choose To Be Monogamous At The Same Time Support Open Relationships..?

SO EXCITED!!! 💞🖤💙💙💛💚💛🌈🌈❤️‍🔥❣️💖💗💗💖🤍💞💞🧡🧡💚💛💜💚🌈🌈🌈💛💚💜💓🖤💙🤎💓🤍❤️‍🔥❣️💕🤍💔💖❤️❤️💘❤️💕❤️‍🩹🧡🧡💜💚🌈🌈🌈💚🧡

I love how communist/anarchist/leftist?¿ you can be with such a capitalist structure. I mean, giving your plataform to a fellow creator, you bloody awseome, hannah. Love from barcelona

You are so remarkable inspiring remarkable unbelievable unique amazing most special gifted person ever Hannah encouragement and blessing angel xoxo 😚 💓❤️‍🩹❤️🖤💛❣️❣️🤍💗💗🤎💖💔💞🖤🧡💜💜🌈💚💙❤️❤️💙🌈🧡🧡🖤💛❤️‍🔥❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹💓❤️‍🩹💛💗💛❣️💝💖🤍💗💔💞💗🖤🧡🧡💜💜🌈💙❤️💙🌈🌈🧡🖤💛❤️‍🩹💓🤎🤍💗💗

I agree 100% with her on everything! 🤎🖤❤️‍🩹🖤💞💖💙💙💜💛💛💖💖🤍🖤❤️‍🩹💝💖🌈💜💜💙🌈💗💛💗❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹💝❣️💓💓💚🌈💙💜💜💙🌈❤️❤️❤️‍🩹💘💘💔💝💓🌈💙🧡💜🧡💙❤️❤️‍🩹💘💘💝❣️💓💚🌈💙🧡💜💜💙💙💙❤️💛💛💛💗

Best video I’ve seen all week! Thank you Hannah and Michelle :)