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MN 25 comes to mind on this subject 🙏🙏🙏 THank you

The incompatibility between family life and full dhamma practice is indeed a difficult topic for many of us!

@light1518

25 күн бұрын

It seems rather, it can be seen like this: the five aggregates are present, THEN we see the three marks, and later, know the five aggregates as inseparable from the three marks, just so, to develop all-encompassing loving-kindness, all-embracing friendliness without attachment, relationships are present, THEN this love without attachment is developed, so later, relationships and metta arise inseparably, so that unconditional love is our natural state towards all beings, growing further as an attitude of a peacefulness with all experience. Because experience is, wisdom in relation to it may arise, Because relationships are, purified love without attachment to others may arise. One can say, true wisdom leads also to boundless love without attachment, without the need for active relationships; yet wisdom uses experience as a base, just as metta may use the experience of other beings as a base. In this contextualization, the arising of the world is a support for wisdom, just as the arising of relationships is a support for metta, compassion, sympathetic joy, equanimity. If experience is contextualized in this way, there doubt and struggle with the 'wordly' and the 'spiritual' fall away, and with it, quite a lot of truly unnecessary suffering.

@light1518

23 күн бұрын

[I am posting this comment again, for what is written in it was an understanding that took me some time to develop, and deeply helpful as a way to incorporate the profound teachings of Truth into the world with a real sense of ease, with a true lessening in suffering, as a way to practice in the world, without fighting the world. The mind, thus made more tranquil, is a much better companion for progress. I don't know if this comment was removed by Florian, or it simply did not show up. I've had comments I have left simply not register with KZread. However, Florian, if this is not the case, and you have removed this same comment, it would be helpful for myself and others, having seen its posting, to see your response and view on it. I do appreciate your way of seeing things, for they have taken you far on the path.] * It seems rather, it can be seen like this: the five aggregates are present, THEN we see the three marks, and later, know the five aggregates as inseparable from the three marks, just so, to develop all-encompassing loving-kindness, all-embracing friendliness without attachment, relationships are present, THEN this love without attachment is developed, so later, relationships and metta arise inseparably, so that unconditional love is our natural state towards all beings, growing further as an attitude of a peacefulness with all experience. For all beings who have taken birth: Because experience is, wisdom in relation to it may arise, Because relationships are, purified love without attachment to others may arise. One can say, true wisdom leads also to boundless love without attachment, without the need for active relationships; yet wisdom uses experience as a base, just as metta may use the experience of other beings as a base. One may say, to cultivate metta in relation to active relationships disturbs the mind, thus, it may be more difficult. Yet, just in this same way, the arising of the world - a world that is "burning with the fire of lust, burning with the fire of hate, burning with the fire of delusion", by the Buddha's words - the perception of that very same world, as the arising of the five aggregates, seemingly incompatible with wisdom, contemplated correctly, lets wisdom with regards to the world arise. What is lust, hate, delusion is seen through impermanence, suffering, not-self, and dissolves. In that very same way, contemplating relationships, relating correctly to relationships, as relationships arise, helps us to see others through the eyes of unconditional and unbound love, free of attachment. What is lustfulness, aversion, clinging may be seen through friendliness, compassion, unadulterated joy, equanimity, and also dissolve. In this contextualization, the arising of the world is a support for wisdom, just as the arising of relationships is a support for metta, compassion, sympathetic joy, equanimity. If experience is contextualized in this way, the common doubt and struggle with the 'wordly' and the 'spiritual' fall away, and with it, quite a lot of truly unnecessary suffering.

@midooley543

18 күн бұрын

So difficult. My girlfriend is so pure and kind. Hard to think of leaving her

@MHcomposer

4 күн бұрын

Agreed. It’s very difficult to leave family and I believe one needs to be very “fortunate” (experiencing the result of good karma) to have ideal conditions to do so and advance quickly in the practice. My take is to remain a lay follower for now and have good conduct, making much good karma if you will, and wait for the fruition in this life or the next.. I get the sense that while the Buddha urges his followers to advance, there is also the understanding that it’s possible to complete the task in the course of some lives, as in the Stream-enterer that may reincarnate up to seven times and never in a bad destination.

My interest in a relationship has a lot to do with harm mitigation I have a strong sex drive and find that it makes its presence very known in my life and causes harm I do believe renunciation is the highest goal, but it seems a very steep incline from my current state. I could always change my mind, but I believe that hooking up repeatedly with strangers who I no longer continue to see is worse (I might delete this comment since it’s kind of personal)

@TheDhammaHub

25 күн бұрын

It has to be gradual in any way. If you start from a position you feel is bad, it might very well be good/necessary to proceed not in a too steep manner!

@jaredlangson3038

25 күн бұрын

A relationship is definitely better than watching porn.

@Limemill

25 күн бұрын

@@jaredlangson3038A good relationship may come with a lot more attachment, though. And when one hooks up with strangers, at least there’s no clinging to them. At any rate, abstaining from sexual misconduct probably implies also abstaining from indulging in sex often whether it’s with one’s partner or a random person. And it’s very hard to overcome indeed. On the plus side, this is a great opportunity to practice restraint and notice craving with regard to feeling at its full bloom. Sometimes, a problem is an amazing opportunity in disguise

@jaroslav6109

25 күн бұрын

​@jaredlangson3038 Yeah, except porn won't cry or make a scene when you leave it

@cariyaputta

15 күн бұрын

"Why am I running, why not just walking?" "Why am I walking, why not just standing?" "Why am I standing, why not just sitting down?" "Why am I sitting, why not just lying down?"

🙏🙏🙏

Surely a romantic relationship could give rise to many opportunities for practice? If practice is to be maintained at all times then having to manage disputes and find compromises whilst maintaining right intentions and right speech can be incredibly difficult. Any thoughts?

@TheDhammaHub

24 күн бұрын

While it is true that one can (and should) _also_ practice while in a relationship it is not at all mandatory. People back then chose to be monks for a reason, namely to avoid things and circumstances that made practice more difficult. We do not have to choose especially "triggering" circumstances to make progress in practice. This would be a bit akin to a drug addict who tries to get clean but chooses to spend time next to a huge pile of his drug of choice. There surely will be many temptations and triggers but would you think that such an approach would be useful?

@nathantye3

24 күн бұрын

@@TheDhammaHubIt’s my belief that 99% of people would most likely do themselves more harm than good by not actively seeking companionship. The problem with seeking solitude is it could be used to spiritually bypass more foundational aspects of development. Also the cocaine addict that quit whilst next to a pile of cocaine would be much more likely to kick the habit for life.

@TheDhammaHub

24 күн бұрын

@@nathantye3 The Suttas are not against companionship - they are against "addiction" to companionship. The Buddha very much praises discussion with Noble ones. It is juts that thode are hard to come by and for someone without access, he recommends to go alone like a rhinoceros in the wild^^

@midooley543

18 күн бұрын

The pile of coke doesn’t get emotionally hurt if you ignore it though.

@cariyaputta

15 күн бұрын

It's like when a cocain addict talks about moderation - that there are values in snorting coke and inject with moderation. When you're bounded with sensuality, there's no good justification for everything on top of that.