My husband knew what he did to me "I do these terrible things to you". "I know you're a good person". He was holding onto the kitchen bench, bowed down. He knew what but didn't know why.

@mrsherwood2599

9 ай бұрын

Yeah, what is it witj them telling you "you're a good person". With mine it almost felt like an insult.

Great video. It’s helpful to remember that whether or not their manipulation is intentional is not important.

That’s the big stress of being around them- - they’re always leveling. It gets tiresome quickly.

Thank you for your great insight into the Cluster B's behaviour.

Thank you. I think this helps me push through the self doubt I feel when this ‘flip to attack mode’ happens. It always surprises me, this adult temper tantrum. But I understand better now.

I suspect the difference is that, as empathetic people, we’ve learned to put our own feelings aside while we’re working with someone who “can’t help it”- eg children or people wit obvious mental health issues. The problem, when dealing with a manipulator is too often they are senior to us in hierarchies while their delusions can look highly plausible: They not only convince themselves, but also others, and even their victims, that they are knowledgeable and right.

@anewlifestirring

10 ай бұрын

This is no doubt a choice in our purpose of life. Empathetic people are educated to consider the purpose of their lives as being service to mankind, submitting their needs to those of the common weal. Non empathetic people assume that their survival must come first, and that their purpose in life is to make the best of their material lives and that manipulation is a necessary strategy for survival, through which they avoid the social penalties reserved for open violence. Manipulation is a deliberate but covert form of violence.

@DelmaRufinodaSilva

5 ай бұрын

​@anewlifestirring I kind of agree. My parents are narcissists, and I am empathetic, I can modeling their behavior, but I feel bad doing it. So, emotional empathy is like "I punch your face, but I feel the pain in my face too." So with this conditions, you avoid hurt someone because you also feel their emotional pain. If you hurt them, you'll hurt yourself too, without reflecting on bad behavior or anything, the emotional empathy is just a natural response, specially with the people you love the most.

Thank you for clarifying this question. Deciding whether a person is conscious or not for his misdeeds is only valid for a tribunal that needs to decide if a culprit is responsible or not and whether he should be punished. What is important for the victim is how to be protected and if possible restored in his losses. The narcissist has learnt to manipulate as a deeply ingrained survival strategy in order to protect himself from what he has experienced to be an entirely hostile environment where we can only rely on ourselves and not on institutions. Only if he meets, understands and learns to practice empathy can he feel strong enough to change his manipulative behaviour by adopting those prescribed by spiritual standards: both empathetic and egocentric behaviours being “contagious” Numerous are the educators who believe that in a world of wolves, we need to raise children to be wolves and not lambs. Vey obviously it is up to institutions to reverse this misconception about what a true civilisation should look like.

Thank you for mentioning children. My 1st born is incredibly manipulative and narcisistic. No one talks about how hard and heartbreaking this dynamic is. Would appreciate more.

@davidbradley9519

11 ай бұрын

Is it possible that you're the reason they're narcissistic?

@bluedogfish2

11 ай бұрын

@@davidbradley9519right

I'd love to hear more about "healthy or adaptive anger."

Always great insights ❤

This was very helpful….right …who cares?? Get away & boundaried….. I always make excuses for npd sister & narc female friends….they’re toxic, that’s all we need to know imo

They know, because they change behaviour when around different people

@r1leyb0y1

10 ай бұрын

This is what I wonder about ALL THE TIME’

@brandonmcalpin9228

4 ай бұрын

Okay? So do you! Literally everyone does this. 😂 It’s social adaptation. You could be screaming at your kids in the backseat, but if an officer pulls you over, you’re going to change your behavior and start to use your sweet voice. You act differently at home than you do at work, or in church, or at the club, or wherever. Doesn’t mean you’re a manipulative person.

@Lailat854

7 күн бұрын

So true! The know!

@user-jm6ds5dz3t

14 сағат бұрын

BINGO ! THANK YOU. ‘THEY - people who Talk about this stuff COMPLICATE the living sh*t outta this -- THEY ‘KNOW EXACTLY WHAT THEY’RE DOING. EXACTLY.

My narcissist ex husband would not think he was doing anything wrong or harmful. He was quite self righteous about his rigid beliefs and behaviors.

Thanks in no small part to Dr Malkin’s guidance, I’ve just found my way out of a lifetime of subjugation and confusion. These are the lyrics of a song from 1971 that I didn’t understand as a child, but now the meaning is suddenly crystal clear. I want to share it because l’m heartbroken for all of us and I wish each person love, peace and dignity for every moment of your precious life ✨💛 On the willows, there We hung up our lyres For our captors there Required Of us songs And our tormentors, mirth Saying Sing us one Of the songs of Zion Sing us one Of the songs of Zion Sing us one Of the songs of Zion But how can we sing? (How can we sing?) Sing the Lord's songs? (Sing the Lord's songs?) In a foreign land? On the willows, there We hung up our lyres On The Willows, Stephen Schwartz, 1971.

Really thankful to have stumbled upon your channel. This is the most useful and helpful information I have been exposed to.

@CraigMalkin

10 ай бұрын

Wow! Thanks!

Thanks for inspiring, I hope you have a happy life :D

Thank you!

I just can't protect myself from my partner's manipulation and rage. Time and time again I make excuses for her behavior that, as an orphan living in a convent school, she had no positive family experience and competed with other students for attention.

Thank you ! ❤

Love it, thank you

@CraigMalkin

10 ай бұрын

You are so welcome!

Great video! 👏👏👏👏👏

@CraigMalkin

10 ай бұрын

Thank you! 😃

What I’ve noticed with narcissists, is that they think that people are intentionally trying to do things to wind them up. They are easily offended and take things quite personally. The narcissist is completely living in the ego body! There’s a lack of awareness of themselves. When we have ego, we’re more likely to take things personally or react. The more of it we have, the more we react, and narcissists seem to allow everything to get to them! They are easily wound up. Poor things, I have compassion for them. Usually, the narcissist is a victim of abused and has never healed, recovered or survived. They need to go through some kind of cleansing, spiritual healing journey and get help for themselves. Their ego is their armour and their armour creates a ricochet action, when something comes up that offends them, even when it was completely innocent and harmless. The ego within them always takes it personally - a personal threat, a personal attack. Poor things - I have to say again, I pray for healing and awareness for them all. I have been hurt by narcissists, but I forgive, because I am strong. We have to allow the love in our hearts to triumph. I doesn’t mean that we can back with them or necessarily have a close relationship, we just heal from the hurt and pain and hold that love there in our hearts for all involved - ourselves and others. I think when someone else lacks something, we have to make up for it ourselves. When someone is angry and doesn’t know how to be calm, we be instruments of calm. When someone has no empathy, we be understanding and have empathy. And we help to heal those that wish to do harm 🙏🏼 Or harm in any way or shape and form. 🙏🏼💖

thanks!

A pattern of habits that they have.

yes

Dr Malkin - How does therapy connect with the client’s spiritual nature for healing and wholeness? Do you believe it’s necessary? What is your approach?

Narcs don't know what they do...says a narc.

They are

@CraigMalkin

6 күн бұрын

Sometimes yes. Not always.

Whatever limited/petty consciousness a narcissist has it is overwhelmed by their conviction that self-serving behavior is simply Karmic Justice leveling the scales in their favor.