I’ve lost my entire family because of this. I’m getting stronger, but I refuse to explain anything to anyone. If they want to believe the lies, have at it. I’m done with people I have to keep proving myself to.

@targetedtyranny4661

2 жыл бұрын

My family believed the smear campaign and isolated me from them,I was the perfect target, I hadn't been around my family in years,and only had two friends I hung around with, I worked and came home,this narcissistic person got a plan to get me out of my workplace where I was quickly rising,at first I believe they were trying to set me up for some kind of sexual harassment, she wore really skimpy, inappropriate clothes all the sudden, I was thinking why all the sudden she was doing that,at the time I didn't think anything about it, when that didn't work I believe they hacked my phone, to gather dirt, I was someone who was rising,one person I know felt rejected, its was just a narcissistic situation, and I bet they've done it before in the past,now I'm smeared all over town,and stalked, and I'm supposed to admit my sins to get my life back,but I guess their sins are ok,if I work I'm harassed, so I'm homeless now.

@jeaniemattone3899

2 жыл бұрын

@@targetedtyranny4661 They are unbelievably evil and cruel. I’m so sorry this happened to you.

@fifilafleur5555

2 жыл бұрын

Targeted Tyranny, I am so sorry this happened to you. My evil narcs sent a felon psychopath after me to destroy me. I ended up with serious health complications & stage 3-4 cancer. Murder with clean hands.

@targetedtyranny4661

2 жыл бұрын

@@fifilafleur5555 I'm really sorry to hear your troubles,it seems these kind of things are more prevalent,it hard to understand why normal everyday people would go and lash out to strangers because someone asked them to,its a sad cold world.

@UnaverageJoe4

2 жыл бұрын

@@targetedtyranny4661 my heart goes out to you man, I am also a ti and my family/town/community is also against me and it’s tough to try and make it in the rat race because these parasites seem to be everywhere. Don’t lose hope brother, if you are sinning turn away from that immediately and Become a righteous person and only do good, help others when possible. I hope to not offend but May I suggest praying to Jesus Christ for help and call on Archangel Michael for protection. Get back in the game and get a roof over your head! It’s hard work but the main point is don’t give up, believe in yourself for Jesus Christ already does… 🌞🙌🏽🙏🏽❤️‍🔥

The most hurtful thing is that they believe the narcissist and don't believe the victim

@kostasplafountzis3544

2 жыл бұрын

narcissist ''feeds'' them in one way or another with cheap affection and fake support,thats why and they a e not able to see the truth,they are stupid

@frntehannemikkelsen1630

2 жыл бұрын

They dont dare……the narcicist punnish is to hurtfull.

@carolnahigian9518

2 жыл бұрын

yes they are Astonishing Dolts! just Dump all Chumps! live with JOY!!!!!!!

@David-eu1ms

2 жыл бұрын

They are invested in the relationship.

@brynne77

2 жыл бұрын

Or they might believe the victim, but don't want to admit it, because as DAvid said, the flying monkey is invested in the relationship with the narc.

Flying monkeys secretly enjoy the "games" and feel that same superiority vicariously. No matter their age, they remind me of highschool bullying where a group gangs up, with an alpha and lesser flying monkeys, targeting a victim. Flying monkeys actually lack the ability to stand up for what's right or moral, but they delude themselves into thinking they do.

@disaj7460

2 жыл бұрын

Fascinating conclusion...the vicarious enjoyment (or relief) of being on side of the bully/narc...perhaps b/c they secretly wish they could do it or they feel that they will finally not be the target of that narc. Well said!

@rehabilitacionencasa

2 жыл бұрын

I couldn't have said it better! "They delude themselves into thinking they do". Spot on.

@Corinna_Schuett_GER

2 жыл бұрын

This is what the Bible says: Rom 1:28-32: "And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient; Being filled with all unrighteousness, fornication, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, debate, deceit, malignity; whisperers, Backbiters, haters of God, despiteful, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents, Without understanding, covenantbreakers, without natural affection, implacable, unmerciful: *Who knowing the judgment of God, that they which commit such things are worthy of death, NOT ONLY DO THE SAME, BUT HAVE PLEASURE IN THEM THAT DO THEM."* = Description of flying Monkeys 👍👍

@deejames1st

2 жыл бұрын

THIS! 💯🎯

@susansheldon2707

2 жыл бұрын

This is when their cowardice shows: They always GANG up on their victim. But if you approach one individually to try to solve a conflict - by using reason and facts - and you refuse to accept the lies they resort to, they RUN AWAY. Back to the safety of the gang. Truth, for the narcs and their minions, must be attacked, denied, lied about, shoved away, kicked down, and buried in the dirt. Truth is what threatens them most. If you dare face off with the gang, they work to make you feel like you're the crazy one, even when you KNOW you're not.

My experience is they are cowards. They support lies and bullying so they don’t become the target.

They are from the same circus.

@sage9836

2 жыл бұрын

Yes! 😆😆😆 Memorable!

@eddierayvanlynch6133

2 жыл бұрын

Way too accurate, Alfonso 🤦😆

@macnchessplz

2 жыл бұрын

Yes! Led by the same ringmaster. Great comment , Alfonso 👆🏼

@susansherlock6934

Жыл бұрын

Spot on! 😊🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

@RobNiser

22 күн бұрын

You are right

Flying moneys have sold their souls to the devil and are both narcisists and cowards! Thank you dr Carter❤

'Are they narcissists or just cowards? The answer is both". Doctor C you just hit the nail on the head.

@brynleytalbot778

2 жыл бұрын

I think it’s not so black and white. The grey area is where the abused scapegoat subscribes to some of the narcissists behaviours in an attempt to placate them. The golden child is both trainee narcissist and a coward within themselves as they prefer an easy ride to challenging things. If you’re on the end of constant praise and adulation you soon accept the price of supporting them.

@ilovemeevennow9125

Жыл бұрын

@@brynleytalbot778 it’s energy projected , I didn’t know that my bro was used as flying monkey and my cousin and leader- grown ass person my mom

@bereal6590

Жыл бұрын

100% agree, when I saw the title I thought definitely both. In fact this is how I worked out my mom is a bigger coward and a bigger vuln covert than my father. She is his flying monkey as well ✌

@n0426

11 ай бұрын

@@brynleytalbot778the scapegoat was the first golden child who CHOOSE to see the truth. But the narcissist hated not having control over them so they ditched them.

@robbrewer2036

11 ай бұрын

Yep narcs are petulant 6 yr olds ,so flying monkeys cannot handle a petulant 6 yr old gutless. L

Flying monkeys lack integrity. I know many in my family. They go along to get along. Even if crimes were committed by the narcissists against the scapegoat. It’s really quite evil.

I call it abuse by Proxy . Have been dealing with this for awhile now .

@SurvivingNarcissism

2 жыл бұрын

That's a correct way to look at it.

@GaslightingIsEvil

7 ай бұрын

The flying monkeys are worse than the people at the epicentre who start the smear campaign

@joyceanderson8648

Ай бұрын

Get yourself FREE!!! Forget them and have a great life. Do not let them know ANYTHING about you!! Stay far away and let the be in their mud together.

It seems many of us were severely rejected by our family and cling to anyone who pays us attention. We need to be strong enough to be alone and give ourselves permission to build a world view that mean people may not like.

@un-diluted7444

2 жыл бұрын

well said nd true to fact

@krejados1

2 жыл бұрын

Absolutely, Mary. Well said.

@imeldafloyd5571

2 жыл бұрын

Love your post, every word you said is so true🥰💯

@rascallyrabbit

2 жыл бұрын

@@imeldafloyd5571 so sad but so true....onward and upward...

@brynleytalbot778

2 жыл бұрын

When we realise that’s how we are established as a friend it’s a great time to start taking back control, gradually, testing the boundaries. I don’t think being alone creates a healthy world view. We need to safety test boundaries and progress from there, confidently.

Flying monkeys are fearful because they know that one day it will be their turn

@user-uq6ic8pw8x

7 ай бұрын

So very true. But still they watch things happen. Many evil things.

In my experience, the narcissist often rewards flying monkeys with little "treats," as if they are the narcissist's pets. They get to go to the narcissist's "cool" parties, or hang out with the narcissist and get in on all the juicy gossip. This makes them feel important and feeds their egos. They act like "mean girls" in junior high, too. They will do immature and petty little things to hurt you, like not sitting with you in the cafeteria, or excluding you from their parties or other activities. When they get together with the narcissist, they will brag about what they did to hurt you or make you react. They will even compete for the narcissist's favor by trying to outdo each other. I wish I was making this up, but it happened to me and it destroyed my career because I did not have the skills to handle these people. One thing to remember: Toxic people often hang out in packs. They rarely go it alone. That's because deep down, they are cowards and they are very insecure. So they become dependent on the narcissist to get their fragile egos stroked.

@ebd12345

2 жыл бұрын

This happened to me too. I finally had to leave my job. And there was nothing to report. Who would believe me? The Corp Dir of HR had been in her job for over 20 years and was complicit. Mran girls indeed. I never was a cool girl in high school and I didn't become one in my 50s. Peace to you.

@DeborahLArmstrong

2 жыл бұрын

@@ebd12345 if those people are what's "cool" then good for you for not being one of them! I don't want to be their kind of "cool" either!

@enikobenak5783

2 ай бұрын

Also, I really think all businesses should educate employees about narcissism and HR should be there to protect the victims. If they knew more about it themselves, they wouldn't make the same mistakes over and over again and instead of an unhealthy work environment would be a happy and safe place to work at.

The flying monkey is often someone who believes in the narcissist’s lies. They believe the narcissist has taken them into their confidence. The narcissist will tell them “secrets” about you, which are lies and distortions meant to portray the narcissist as the well intended victim, and you as the villain. From the flying monkey’s perspective, they are helping a good person against an evil person. The flying monkey is motivated by a desire to preserve their own identity. As they defend the narcissist, they defend their family name, political affiliation or place of work. Their identity has become entwined with the narcissist

@MusgroveMarianne

2 жыл бұрын

100% Good analysis. Flying monkeys have often had the wool pulled over their eyes and see themselves as defending the wronged party (the narcissist).

@davidc4233

2 жыл бұрын

Agree 100%. This is why I disagree calling flying monkeys cowards or narcissists is going way to far, there are many factors and labeling them as such is 100% wrong. Flying monkeys, yes.....always cowards or narcissists no.

@dawngroff5681

2 жыл бұрын

SO well-said!💥

@fifilafleur5555

2 жыл бұрын

Flying monkeys are very often just lesser narcs with less power. It’s a hierarchy system with these types. Really quite evil when you witness what they do to the scapegoat/target.

@ich6636

2 жыл бұрын

In my point of view and from my experience, the flying monkeys are either narcisists themselves or just plain toxic but rarely inocent people who just believe and want to help the narc. If someone gain some benefits from validating the narc and his actions, he is not naive but toxic. Many of the flying monkeys do get something in return.

Sadly, my daughter was groomed to be a flying monkey from the time her dad (the highly skilled covert narcisscist) got home from military duty overseas when she was only two. Thank goodness, she got counseling as an adult and sees what happened. It has taken work for us both and time but I now have a good relationship with my daughter.

@katiegeyfman6259

2 жыл бұрын

Kathi Lin thank you for sharing your story! It’s an inspiration to me! Unfortunately, my kids are also groomed by my stbx and are totally rejecting me :(. Hope I can get them out of his grip!

@flip1980ful

2 жыл бұрын

Im glad you guys found your way out together!

@rodandjudibowen5665

2 жыл бұрын

@@katiegeyfman6259 Katie, all four of my children might as well be total strangers. I agonize about having them slip away every single day.😪

@katiegeyfman6259

2 жыл бұрын

@@rodandjudibowen5665 Hope they’ll slip away soon! 🙏🍀

@bridgetteneil

2 жыл бұрын

c,.

Flying monkeys are also troubled souls that feel like "somebody" when part of a group/gang. Steering clear is the best thing to do.

@lesleybrown1583

2 жыл бұрын

Hello Elaine reading about yer self!

@amandaliverpool3374

2 жыл бұрын

@@lesleybrown1583 Who's Elaine?

@lynnfincham6839

2 жыл бұрын

I find them to be very weak minded people easily led but nasty too…

@NoMoreMrNiceGuy2003

11 ай бұрын

Yes! You nor I do not owe those types any explanation. I just cut them off in silence at the sign of the first red flag nowadays

Their deep resentment and aggressiveness stems from deep seeded anger and resentment which is the cause of CANCER

@LearnCompositionOnline

Ай бұрын

Here is the thing

I think they're fickle-minded cowards - it just saddens me how they can just allow themselves to be susceptible to another person's point of view, without themselves having some sort of filter, asking whether they're doing the right thing, or not?....

@Ikaros23

2 жыл бұрын

They often lack the insight that come from having a well developed " self". Instead as the narcissist they have a self that vulnerable, and instead are focused on their " self image". That is their public self. They are also alot of the time machiavellistic. That is they are also manipulators, but they don`t have " narcissistic personality dissorder". What the flying Monkey don`t understand. Is that they are a blunt instrument in the hand of the narcissist. That is the narcissist have a instrumental relationship to the flying monkey. But the flying monkey often have a emotional relationship to the narcissist. As he say they are expendabel. But they are to brainwashed to see it

Narssacist are bullies by nature and bullies are cowards by nature.

Joiners tend to be terrified of life, just like the narcissist

@lindsayp9691

Жыл бұрын

Yes . Both full of fear and disgust with themselves

I believe that many unsolved murders continue to be unsolved because of flying monkeys. Either too clueless to care that they were manipulated or too ashamed to come forward and admit the role they played. This applies to suicides as well.

They are the vulnerable covert types. They choose to not see the truth and are too weak to think for themselves. Perfectly explained. 👍🏻

I saw this quote on KZread this morning and I think it’s so true:- It’s not just the narcissist who hurts you. It’s the people who take their side. It’s the people who look the other way. It’s the people who tell you to move on, or get over it. It’s therapists untrained in personality disorders. It’s the lack of healing help. It’s the victim blaming. It’s everyone who doesn’t understand narcissistic abuse. Thanks to whoever posted it! Shalom ✌️ God bless 🙏🙏🙏 From a survivor of narcissistic Abuse

I imagine flying monkeys as the crowd in elementary school that's surrounding a bully who is beating up on a poor innocent kid, egging the bully on to hurt the kid some more and they are creating a shield around the fight, pushing people away from stopping it. So, yes they are both narcissists (the lesser narcissists compared to the alpha-i.e. bully, sadistic and lacking empathy) and cowards (when a teacher breaks up the fight, they are the first to scurry away and lie by saying they were trying to stop it). Fast forward 20+ years into adulthood...

@PrettyToez07

2 жыл бұрын

Great analogy

@matthewchapman6395

2 жыл бұрын

That is exactly how these people like to operate, cowardly, shallow and weak.

@andreabaldwinporter6901

2 жыл бұрын

They are just as bad in my opinion

@kellyrodgers4961

2 жыл бұрын

Excellent analogy! This is exactly the feeling behind this whole dynamic.

@theguaable

2 жыл бұрын

Personally I wouldn't use terms like "alpha" and "lesser narcissist" because I can imagine narcissists loving terms like that. I prefer more technical terms such as "individuals suffering from narcissistic moron disorder"

It's like they are trying to be narcissists, but fail at it.

@SurvivingNarcissism

2 жыл бұрын

Yeah, part of their description is envy, wishing to be like the Head Narcissist but not quite as "successful."

Flying monkeys (at least the ones mixed into my relationship) were generallydishonest people. Birds of a feather flock together. Glad to be finished with the lot of them.

I’ve already encountered the narcs flying monkeys and you are so right to use the term idiot because that’s exactly what they look like. I have just become aware of the term “Abuse by Proxy “ which shed more light on what’s been going on. My plan of action is to grey rock and stonewall these village idiots as well as the narc themselves.

Both. Either way, they are of low character.

Many flying monkey's are the cowardly lions of narc world.

You exactly described a medical office where I once worked. We had the narcissist, the flying monkeys and a few of us who removed themselves from that drama and concentrated on the good of the patients and the practice, which made the narcissist vindictive. Because of this I left for another job. As I was leaving I showed the doctor several reports he should run daily because I suspected the narcissist of taking money. He stuck the reports in a drawer and said, oh I think you two just never learned to get along. Many months later he apologized to me, said was right and the narcissist had embezzled thousands from him.

My son and daughter are narcissists, groomed by their step-mother for years. Oth think I was the world’s worst mother and can say nothing kind or useful to me. I love watching Dr. Carter’s program. I actually feel human again instead of a punching bag!

@krejados1

2 жыл бұрын

Totally feel you, Paula. My two kids are also narcissists, groomed by their father, whom I'd divorced long ago - ironically, to minimise his influence on them. I too piled on the guilt and blame and shame until Dr C's calm demeanour and wise words helped me find perspective. Take good care, Paula.

@Questioner365

2 жыл бұрын

I think it helps at least some to understand who the real ringleader is and the BIG show flying circus at their command. In my case the head was/is my former MIL who commands the circus to this day, decades later. Not my ex after all, who remarried for a while to a really great guy who helped notch down the fire for a couple years, until her mother told her she must dump him too... Then right back at fever pitch how the narcissists have to have the endless drama. I had thought my ex and both her parents were narcissists, but the MIL turns out was and is the Leader of the pack and all the rest just inducted into the flying monkey circus. The show must go on! Drama, drama, drama... Former MIL has the pack (my kids too) so well trained they will still be performing their parts in the circus well after she has kicked the bucket, and no longer rewarding or threatening them. Bucket kicking coming soon but about 40 years too late.

@francesbernard2445

2 жыл бұрын

I like watching Dr. Carter's programs too. Went through that sort of thing not once but twice. It was as if each biological father I had married starting at the age of 18 only to later get a divorce from were both being enabled to be continuing only for awhile with a stamp of approval given them from the family court system to continue profiting during their puppeteering of a step mother instead of me the biological mother while in truth they themselves were being used as a puppet too in the same hierarchy being run at the time most by the love of money, titles and status symbols too. Both step mothers had to find out the hard way why I left them.

@francesbernard2445

2 жыл бұрын

I like watching Dr. Carter's programs too. Went through that sort of thing not once but twice. It was as if each biological father I had married starting at the age of 18 only to later get a divorce from were both being enabled to only for awhile with a stamp of approval given them from the family court system to continue profiting during their puppeteering of a step mother instead of trying to continue puppeteering by using me the biological mother while in truth they themselves were being used as a puppet too in the same hierarchy being run at the time most by the love of money, titles and status symbols too. Both step mothers had to find out the hard way why I left them. What have I learned most from both experiences? -- When any man starts grooming and dictating to you in word and/or in deed what your future should be for him, no matter how charming it is coming across at first, run for the hills and never look back at him again in quite the same way.

@menni8321

2 жыл бұрын

And what is your role? Is it only another person who made your children narcissitic??. Sounds pretty (covert) narcissitic to me! Playing the victim. No responsibility, I read.

Thank you for this, we are seeing this problem of narcissism growing in a crude and selfish culture. There are good people out there we just need to learn to be alone until we find them.

@brynleytalbot778

2 жыл бұрын

I think the expression of narcissistic traits through self promotion is more evident due to social media but it’s not indicative of a rise in Narcissistic Personality Disorder. However it’s noticeable that narcissists with their social charm and zero morals are climbing up corporate hierarchies and building legions of flying monkeys crediting them with their positions of power. These monkeys are generally intellectual morons with the sole ability of following strict orders and operating under the fear of being unmasked as incompetent which holds up the hierarchy of support for the narcissist in command. I think this corporate paradigm is feeding narcissistic behaviour and undermining societies mental well being. No wonder so many people are taking antidepressants to mask the reality of their bleak world.

@gwendolynwehage6336

2 жыл бұрын

@@brynleytalbot778 While I agree with what you said we have to go back and look at what has been taught in the schools for the past 50 years. Our children were taught good things by us but they spent most of their time with school teachers who were training them to love themselves more than anyone else. They called it "self-esteem" but really what they were building was pride and resistance to correction and even instruction if they didn't like what they were hearing. An overabundance of attention and praise causes narcissism. It becomes no longer about getting joy and confidence from doing something well but it is about receiving praise no matter how lazy they were. I am old enough now to have seen the dramatic change in the culture from when we were children 70 years ago to our children who lack respect and honor, requiring praise to have a relationship with anyone.

@LeeH688

2 жыл бұрын

@@gwendolynwehage6336 This is nonsense. Narcissists are created at home. Your assertions about kids being taught about self esteem jn school don’t make any sense.

@gwendolynwehage6336

2 жыл бұрын

@@LeeH688 you assertion that narcissists are created at home is not proven. I know people who were raised by very good families who were loving, but because the narcissist chose to act in aggressive ways as they get older having been influenced by the culture around them, they follow their own hearts rather than the way they were raised. I have had older adopted children and much interaction with people over the years and it is not proven that something bad happened at home to create a narcissist. People make their choices based on what they enjoy. Some people enjoy dominance and feeling superior to others so they reject good teaching to be kind and loving.

@tracymullane8818

2 жыл бұрын

@@LeeH688 I too believe narcissists are created within families. But to support Gwendolyn's idea, some of it is genetic. There is definitely a strong dynamic that a child is sucked into at a young age. I believe most of it is neglect, abandonment, emotional abuse and betrayal.

I have accepted that narcissistas are "just like that." This took alot of consideration. The flying monkeys are the ones I get hung up about. Once they know what's going on, how can they keep playing into the game?

@eddierayvanlynch6133

2 жыл бұрын

Ime, if they're called on it away from the narc, self-preservation is the vibe they'll try to throw out,. But since monkeys always outnumber the narc, it just comes down to being lazy, spineless, and having a loose, ambiguous grip on the whole "moral thing."

@chuchuepronouncedchoochool8070

2 жыл бұрын

Exactly

@tahwsisiht

2 жыл бұрын

Because they are weak and they don't want to take responsibility. They are absolutely fine to see someone else suffering from the narcissist and for the cowardness of the flying monkeys. They don't have enough spine to stand up for justice. That is why they become flying monkey in the first place. It is much easier to have no confrontation. You can even hide your cowardness: the narcissist is suffering... The problem with that is: you enable the narcissist to hurt others and the narcissist learns he can do whatever he wants. There is absolutely no boundaries. They just have to demand. The flying monkeys created a monster because the monster never learned that there is some kind of limit. There is NOTHING. No logic, no reasoning, no common intrest. Only more and more denying, more lies, more twisted reasoning. Free fall into a world that has only one goal: keep the narcissist fed to satisfy his demands. It doesn't matter how unhealthy or damaging the consequences are. No consequences will be paid by the narcissist, only by the scapegoat. When justice, logic, longterm intrest, intrest of the common or even the survival of the common are all secondary to the narcissists demand: what left is pure chaos and a deadly threat to everything and everybody who is on the way. The narcissists will is the tornado of the highest category. How can a flying monkey stop that, they couldn't not stop it when it was only a storm? They created it and they are too weak to even admit that how much it is their own fault.

@tahwsisiht

2 жыл бұрын

You can't trust anything in this kind of environment. Absolutely nothing can be trusted. No people, no "information", no "reality". Nothing. You can't even trust your own eyes.

@marciathomas1625

2 жыл бұрын

The flying monkeys are getting some benefit from the narcissist in my opinion.

Sometimes they are just clueless, just like I was before the abuse started.

@krejados1

2 жыл бұрын

Maybe not clueless so much as too willing to believe in the innate human goodness.

@choosepeacetoday

2 жыл бұрын

@@krejados1 Yes. That too.

@Scorpionwins23

Жыл бұрын

My little brother is stupid to his core, he’ll never snap out of it either. He’s got no reason to either so he’ll never change.

His flying monkeys were family who would rather be loyal to him (family) than the truth

What I’ve noticed is that Flying Monkeys not only love the power that the Narcissists represents, but they also delude themselves into thinking that they’re the Puppet Master of the Narcissist and not vice versa. They believe that they can effectively manipulate and direct the Narcissist’s anger into attacks towards people that they themselves have jealousy or animosity for. This satisfies the Flying Monkey’s personal desire for revenge, power and control while cowardly avoiding any risk of personal accountability. These messed up systems that people create to support their toxic behaviors can be really astonishing!

@lindajones8101

2 жыл бұрын

Maria: Good point.

@Healed2Day

2 жыл бұрын

Thank you! As I read τhat I FINALLY undestood what's happening- Bless you! X (I've even screen shot it so I Can re read it over til it sinks in! )

@goodenoughgirl8102

2 жыл бұрын

Yes. This is a lot like my parents’ dynamic. FM mother is covertly envious of me and she got pretty good at making sure he often took it out on me too. So much so that for awhile I was confused about who was the worst one and who was pulling all the strings with the other one. One day I was just rather like well, toxic is toxic and so I consider them both unreliable, hopeless, unsafe, etc. Well and then you can also add most of the sibs and their kids to that as well. I spend a lot of time over here on my island alone, away from pretty much the entire lot of them.

In my own experience, when my ex began his rather extravagant smear campaign at the end of our "relationship" he deployed nearly everyone I knew to be his loyal flying monkeys. I had unfortunately surrounded myself with toxic people (before I understood the meaning of narcissism or being involved with these "people") and he had plenty of help in getting half truths and twisted lies to keep his campaign afloat while he stalked me online and in other ways. Suddenly these people kept apparently unexpectedly "bumping into him" in the street to relay messages from him (and to keep him updated on my activities without a doubt). I figured out what was happening and cleared my "friend closet" very quickly, going no contact with all of them. The peace is amazing!

@SurvivingNarcissism

2 жыл бұрын

Keep moving forward, Catherine!

@catherinewholey3630

2 жыл бұрын

@@SurvivingNarcissism Thank you.

@ok.s4830

6 ай бұрын

​@@SurvivingNarcissism.. Hi Doc. Can you answer this question for me please. It would help put some things into perspective for me. My Mother "caped" for a narc I cut off months ago just yesterday. He had been shopping where she works. She called me after thier conversation asking had he called me. Because he had not called me as she suggested for him to she told me about thier "run-in". She said "he just needs a friend right now" and according to him he wrecked his new car, caught a DUI charge and his job is hectic. She went on for a bit and I just couldn't believe what I was hearing. Im over 40 by the way my Mother is close to 70. Would you consider that behavior as "flying monkey" behavior?

My flying monkey younger sister proved to be a liability for me once I went No Contact with my mother. She was always weak, easily manipulated, self absorbed and I never respected her for those reasons so it was just as well. The older sister is selfish, abusive, and a malignant narcissist. They are my entire family and I went No Contact with them all years ago. Wish I'd done it sooner :)

It's really gross when its the Narc's mother. Covering and going along with the foolishness. Making excuses for terrible behavior. The two faced, immature, liar label just nails it.

@SadieHartMusic

2 жыл бұрын

Parents are often the biggest enablers...

@Kingdom_of_God777

2 жыл бұрын

Yes I agree. My mother was my covert narc sisters forever flying monkey or enabler. Our mother has passed away fairly recently and my sister still clings to the need to have our mothers support even from beyond the grave. It’s almost disgustingly mind boggling. I call it triangulation by proxy post mortem. She still triangulates our mother against me. My sister will always say “our mother was so strong”. Um no. She just fed your self entitlement over inflated selfish ego and narc supply. Nothing more. Our mother was weak and gullible yet I’m thinking she wanted to preserve a sense of peace but only for herself by not becoming involved in her old age.

@brynleytalbot778

2 жыл бұрын

Shortly after my breakdown I’d recovered some physical activity by sorting out scrap wire and metal. Not feeling mentally able to face the scrapyard I got my narcissistic brother to take it. He pocketed the higher priced scale proceeds claiming it all went as ferrous, the cheapest. My narcissistic mother defended him stating I shouldn’t have asked him to help me. After she passed I found that he’d been ransacking the loft stealing valuables. He has no morals or ethics beyond his selfishness. He seeks high status associations, my mother recounting them with evident pride. Immaturity sums it up yet he played up his responsibilities, something I couldn’t emulate, my mother pushing the point to degrade me. A long absence, forced by him, as I’m of no use, and a threat to his false identity, yet it’s still bugging me, though I’m not so plagued by the feeling I’m supposed to sort everything out at my own mental cost. Yet this role still plagues me and is repeated in my life. Understanding why is good but no cure for repeating this conditioned role.

@kellyrodgers4961

2 жыл бұрын

Not only is it gross, but on some level strange. I've experienced the same with the parents of someone who's impulsively mean, crude and rude. All they have to do is talk in a firm tone to their parents and their parents shut down. Makes me wonder whether or not their parents are afraid to anger this individual. Yet, they know better than to show this side of themselves on the job or around friends in public, thus presenting a false front, a façade to anyone outside of the 'family's dynamic. It's sad really as the parents are old.

@SadieHartMusic

2 жыл бұрын

@@rockstarofredondo 🤢

This is the best coverage on flying monkeys. They do come at a person with some bravado because they are confident narcissists by proxy. Yes, indeed, really they are cowards. I would imagine, if it ever happens, ones discovering oneself is a flying monkey, breaking from the narcissist might be even more difficult than usual because a lot of their own identity is wrapped up in living vicariously through the narcissist. Feeling sorry for them is tough, though, because of the damage they help the narcissist do. In fact, yes, hearing a particular narcissist’s voice makes me sick. Hearing the voice of his weakling flying monkey associate who lies and cheats for him while together they destroy innocent people’s lives is even more sickening. Yep, the flying monkey is even more sickening. No backbone. No self esteem. No confidence. No self identity. A suck up. There. I said it. Thank you Dr. Carter. You are a gem.

Narcissist really have no sense of reality. If a person denies reality the only thing that matters to the person is their own false reality. One thing I have come to the conclusion to is that narcissists are fully aware and do know what they are doing. When they brag to other family members about the psychological / mental harm that they have inflicted upon other family members that they don't get along with this is clear evidence that the narcissist knows what they are doing. Self image and saving face over rides absolutely everything in the mind of the narcissist. When you cross the narcissist (covert or overt) they will hold that grudge against you permanently or until you leave town. I've even have seen the narcissist outright lie to the police to save face and make me look like the one in the wrong...... Narcissists (if not worse) are on par with sociopaths when it comes to absolute EVIL....

I think people become enablers of narcissists for a variety of reasons, but agree with the comment that insecurity and fear play a big part. It all makes me sad. I was raised by a narcissistic father, married a narcissist (almost inevitably) and can see the ripple effects of these toxic patterns impacting my children. My hope is that awareness breaks the chain. In fact, it's more than a hope 💪

@brynleytalbot778

2 жыл бұрын

It’s epigenetic. Narcissism seems to run down a family as if it were a generic inheritance. What’s actually happening is that the learned role of parenting is unconsciously repeated causing the trait to be fed and watered. If you prune it out it can be ended. However if it’s taken root it may well be impossible to put up the mirror to perfection that’s so superior grandiose it can’t be challenged.

@moirabij734

Жыл бұрын

I am with you in this. Both my young children (10 year old boy and girl twins) have a Narcissistic grandma and dad. I pray that I may be enough of a counter balance to offset the damage already caused by these two people. I learn and grow so my children can be confident, secure, know that they are loved for who they really are. May God help us all.

Theyre cowards. They stalk and harass you behind the scenes but cant face you by themselves. They always have a group behind them. Let God deal with them

My guess is that the narcissist picks their flying monkeys deliberately.

They continue these patterns until they pass away! They rely on fuel and supplies.

I am dealing with a lot of flying moneys and when they are identified as militia they are told to smile and laugh. It really is pathetic. They can be so friendly while stabbing you in the back. Nothing more than puppets on a string.

Not necessarily. They just don’t know they are being duped

Wow! So refreshing in a world with so much double-speak. The psychological accuracy of a neurosurgeon except with words and non-verbal heart directed sharing. The Tibetan word for compassion is Nying-je. Nying means heart and Je means direction. You Dr. Les Carter are a living example of Nying-je. You were the first person who shown light into the confused darkness I felt for years around my exposure to narcissist's that started in my childhood, older sister was a Sociopathic Narc, and into adulthood. Still I find myself coming back too your channel again and again for guidance, tips on self-control and comfort. Go team healthy! Love all those here...love you...We are all good enough and just fine as we are. Stay well and live a long long life dear friend too so many.

@stickyicky6418

2 жыл бұрын

So well spoken, friend.

@dharmareadings8177

2 жыл бұрын

@@stickyicky6418 thanks my friend! I deeply appreciate the compliment. Hope you are well. Peace and Love

@boostmobile9249

2 жыл бұрын

Have you ever considered the monster Narcissist have mental illnesses with ADHD MINDED INTELLIGENT ADHD SYMPTOMS ????

@boostmobile9249

2 жыл бұрын

ADHD troubles weaknesses with EXECUTIVE DYSFUNCTION. (HIGH PRESSURE SALES TACTICS to order people to do TASKS they are not able to CARRY OUT. SO they need puppets to carry out their ideals. & Praise Up them for thinking & inventing 💡💡💡💡 Ideas that sounds like a GENIUS. Etc. Everyone's BEHAVIORS are WRONG. THE PUPPETEER & HIS OR HER PUPPETS : Flying monkeys worshipers.

@dharmareadings8177

2 жыл бұрын

@@boostmobile9249 I agree with what you say. In my research, we are all here researchers, CPTSD causes ADHD like ways of behaving and thinking. I would have been easily diagnosed with ADHD. Yet getting the root of my cognitive dysfunctions I found CPTSD. Working through this with a wide variety of "therapies" from gut health, mitochondrial health and up through the mind and into spirit has removed all ADHD symptoms....oh exercise...key. Also staying away from toxic personality types. My kind and compassionate nature, a drive really, kept me from acting out like flying monkeys do. Still healing though. Hope you find your way out of what ever pain your in. I think your more than enough... intrinsically worthy of Dignity, Civility and Respect. A heart felt love going your way!

Thank you so much dr Carter. The flying monkeys are both - narcisists and cowards. They are troubled souls.

My narcissistic brother and I have a mutual friend. Let's call him Jim. Several years ago, my brother would bad mouth me to Jim, and it got to the point where my brother gave Jim the ultimatum that Jim would have to choose between the two of us, that Jim couldn't have us both as friends. I am so fortunate that Jim saw through this ruse, and promptly dropped my brother as a friend and hasn't looked back. To this day, Jim and I are good friends, and I will always appreciate what he did for me. So, there are cases where the narcissist's attempt to win over flying monkeys backfires on them. We all need to have "narc radar" so we can know when we're being manipulated by these slippery eels.

They are . . . Willingly or unwillingly same same - R U N

@chuchuepronouncedchoochool8070

2 жыл бұрын

They are willingly or unwillingly R U N for your life

I was brought up the scapegoat & can now reflect back that I played the roll of a flying monkey in complete innocence & oblivion! I now recognize that my mind was so manipulated to believe an alternative reality to what was actually right in front of me, & the pull to please my narc parents/grandma was so strong due to the fact that any praise had to be won by a "good deed," that I willingly participated in the roll of flying monkey, believing that I was doing what was right! When I became a teen, I had a bit if awakening & wasn't as easily controlled although it wasn't until my late 30's that I could finally understand the roll I played in the family & how abused/neglected/manipulated I had been!

@faithhopecharity2386

2 жыл бұрын

Same for me!

@brynleytalbot778

2 жыл бұрын

It’s great you saw that at such an early age. It took me till fifty to finally uncover the role I’d been assigned. When you’ve been raised in the scapegoat role and the flying monkey is your assigned purpose against your other parent you don’t see the manipulation as it’s a conditioned role with no comparative one elsewhere as you’ve been raised to fear opening up to others outside, or threatened should you share family dynamics with anyone. My mother made repeated threats all laughed off as me interpreting them literally and being too sensitive. I didn’t speak about my parental situation till I was in my late forties. My brother is the golden child and relished his position, learning how to play both saint and martyr, emulating his narcissistic mother. My father and I were mere spectators called on at will for support. A crazy family dynamic.

@jodypixley6683

2 жыл бұрын

@@brynleytalbot778 my father was the rageing abusive narcissist and my sister a year older than me acted just like him by her age of 4 and stayed that way ,mom left my dad when I was 10 and the rageing sister just took his spot , she treated mom just as bad as dad and she hated me and my sister a year younger than me , my mom became the scapegoat and the flying monkey me and my younger sister had to constantly defend ourselves and mother would just try to make us do what sister wanted , it didn't work out so well me and my sister left home on our own she was 15 and I was 16 , didn't seem to phase anyone , we moved away from them over 700 miles and rarely ever heard from them , moved back to same town and 20 years later and narc sister was still running mom's life ,was never nice to her , my mom jumps at her every command and only let's her be around when she says she can , my mom is now 80 ,I act like I don't give 2 shits about anything so she doesn't bother me ,she does know I will tell her straight up what is what if she treats me in any of the ways , we all live in the same town and act like we don't know each other , it's crazy ! And I knew it was crazy since I was 3 , things were extremely not right !y mother took way to much abuse and just wanted things to be calm ,I did understand that also very young ! It's all been kinda a struggling,nightmare, lonely life . It's really strange that my sister,me mom all live alone in each our homes and sister has this big family that does everything ,big birthdays , big holidays , big vacations and no we weren't invited lol I always wondered what it would have been like to cook with my mom and have her in my children's lives as they were growing up ,I can never understand how a person can let someone else own them , But I see it all the time with lots of people over the years ,my mom apologizes all the time ,I never once thought it was her fault , my life was hard going it alone but mom's life was just so sad watching her try to please and got nothing but insults ,yep crazy world we live in !

@moirabij734

Жыл бұрын

That's an amazing insight and I applaud you for having the courage to face the truth and act on it. You should be proud of yourself. Not many can achieve this. 🌸🌷

My narcissist husband has learned he can manipulate my 3 adult step grandkids, who live about 5 hrs away from us, and use them as his flying monkeys by constantly giving them money when they call and ask for it, and they in turn indulge him by constantly listening to him badmouth and criticize me. They believe I'm the abusive one when he's actually the one who's being verbally and emotionally abusive. They of course feel sorry for their grandpa because he's always playing the victim and they also feel a sense of loyalty to him because he's their ongoing money tree. It's really sad how a narcissist can turn family against someone with their lies and manipulating techniques and selfishness!!!

@deejames1st

2 жыл бұрын

Buy a hidden camera online (or two) online. Get him on video. If you aren’t comfortable with video purchase hidden voice recorders. Begin gathering your evidence.

Thank you Doctor 💖 Carter! You're my KZread father figure. I think the most heartbreaking thing is watching your own children being used as flying monkeys against you by your ex. It broke my heart it still breaks my heart because it ruined them for life really. Who destroys the child's relationship with their own mother for revenge? A narcissist

@karenkraska6310

2 жыл бұрын

It makes me cry thinking how he destroyed their lives

@victoriasage7

2 жыл бұрын

Sounds like it’s a common thing they do. I’m grateful for this information

@katen1228

Жыл бұрын

That’s where I’m at now. Free physically from Narcissist Ex but he’s weaponized my children against me. I pray that someday they might figure it out, but I’m not holding my breath.

In my family dynamic, I have always felt like an outsider. This past couple of years of societal split has bought things to a head for me. My whole family have gone the way of the mainstream narrative, whilst I, as per usual have stood alone and seeing my family become openly hostile about my standing, has clarified to me what kind of people they really are. I can now see how narcissism pervades throughout my entire family.... how they all stick together. Well, my conclusion is.... let them all get enough of each other. I've cut them all off and feel so much more at peace now and the healing has begun. I'm actually grateful.... for things coming to a head. As I think back on all the many interactions with them all.... everything makes sense, where once it just left me baffled and thinking.... what is going on here? Why do I always feel like I'm doing something wrong? I understand now, there was backstabbing going on and many other things. On the rare occasion that I would challenge things said or done.... I was told I was being 'too sensitive'. I now know that I'm an empath and see how shallow and two-faced they all are. Onward and upward!

@charmainegordon6793

2 жыл бұрын

@Carolyn Pitt I know Carolyn.... that's why I walked away. You can never win. They expect you to be a doormat and if you dare to disagree or stand up for yourself, you're in the wrong. Life isn't very fair, to us empaths.... everyone confides in us... knowing their secrets are safe..... but when we confide in them.... well, we're just giving them ammunition. Found that out the hard way. Not any more though. Funny thing is... now I have some distance from them.... I'm gaining strength, at long last and don't feel the same need to confide. Though it 'is' lovely to engage this way, with other empaths. ❤

Birds of a feather do tend to flock together, so I think most of the time they are narcissistic themselves at least to a greater degree than average - and may be cowards too...but I also know from experience that some narcs are SO convincing (usually because they've conned themselves) that they can manipulate people who are neither, they just believe the narc's victim BS. It's happened to me, but even so, there came a point where I began to realize something was way off, because the person in question was not behaving like a victim, they were behaving like a predator and very obsessive as well. Of course, that's when i was still "in the fishbowl" and couldn't see how filthy the water was. I have a question, or idea for a future video if you haven't already done it and/or want to address it, which is - do narcissists often display obsessive/compulsive behaviours on top of in addition to narcissism? And also, do they tend to be delusional? Because I've seen both in the person I am thinking of - especially obsessiveness. Delusional behaviour was not as pronounced, but there were times where they were very delusional as well. Of course, I got conned then too. When people speak with SO MUCH authority, you think "they can't possibly be lying" or at least that they truly believe what they are saying...until you wake up one day and realize 9/10 of their "judgments", are projections.

@macnchessplz

2 жыл бұрын

I too would like to see one about obsessions displayed in regard to a target and the lengths gone to to continue the obsession.

@lifewithapurpose237

2 жыл бұрын

delusional behavior? my spouse, soon as he decided to 'Amp' up the mistreatment or ab use (went from covert to Overt) started saying to me how every woman wanted em, that he could pick up the ☎️ anytime he pleased and replace me and 'not even bat an eye' or feel a thing. 😆🤣

@lifewithapurpose237

2 жыл бұрын

if not mistaken, have heard obsessive compulsive go hand in hand with nar....m. they tend to be o/c about *'something'* so they can be in control of that.

@susannakotoff7095

2 жыл бұрын

yes, the narc is very delusional indeed

@AlwaysStampinVideos

2 жыл бұрын

DrC has mentioned the delusion. He refers to it as their “alternative reality.” So yes, definitely delusional. As far as the OCD goes… i have a feeling he will most likely give you a similar answer he once gave me about narcissism and hypochondria. I asked if all narcissists are hypochondriacs since nearly every narcissist i have encountered seems to also always have sometime wrong with their health. DrC told me, “Not all narcissists are hypochondriacs. But are all hypochondriacs narcissists? You might be onto something there.” Nearly each and every one of the narcissists i have had to deal with have also been OC about something… even if it’s simply how they HAVE to have control over every situation. That is 100% OC and also narcissistic.

Thank you. It’s the enablers that hurt more than the narcissist. 😞

I think the old names for things are useful here. Codependents of alcoholics used to be called "co-alcoholics" because they enabled the drunk to function and keep drinking. Codependents of narcissists do the same and can be thought of as co-narcissists, they are emotionally (as well as financially often times) dependent on the narcissist. They get their own emotional and self esteem needs thru the narcissist and will do what they have to do to preserve that self image, including willfully damaging their own family members, including children. It can be devastating, how could the "good parent" do such things? They are so, so very sly, however, and therein lies the moral responsibility.

Dr C in this video you have hit the bulls eye with the enablers - It took me 7 years to figure out the fact that flying monkeys are cowards and opportunitic at the same time. Bless you ☺

@Healed2Day

2 жыл бұрын

❤️

@NoMoreMrNiceGuy2003

11 ай бұрын

It's actually good news when they show their true colors because you now know who to stay away from

I think this gets even more complicated when the flying monkeys are the children of the narcissist. They (I) never had a chance to develop normally - with independent thinking, self confidence, self respect, my own voice. I am a rebel and I left my family for 26 years, but it has taken me all those years to grow up. Since I have returned, I can see this same pattern in some of the next generation. I keep trying to encourage and set an example, but they are so beaten down I just don't know if they can make the break, even in their 20's. They are flying monkeys, not by choice, but by coercion, intimidation, and manipulation. They may be cowards, but it is because of the way they have been treated their entire lives.

@brynleytalbot778

2 жыл бұрын

It’s the gift that keeps on giving. Epigenetic transfer. The parental dynamic of a narcissistic upbringing is the only reference point, as is the one if a healthy parental model, so that’s the paradigm used to raise the next generation. The upbringing will reflect the moires of that new generation but will, in action, replicate the conditioned one of their parents. Add in social media, for this generation, and the narcissistic behaviour has a greater potential than ever before. And add into that the growing trend for social fit to usurp merit in promotions, a facet of the feminisation of workplaces, and the narcissists have had a couple of good decades to ingratiate themselves into actual power. Welcome to the most depressed society, ever.

@seantraynor5180

2 жыл бұрын

Absolutely!!! Coming to awareness for the ones who have been victimised and socialised is so difficult !!! You are the hero I the story who set an example for something different . I love heroes !!!

@qq84

2 жыл бұрын

No, Flying Monkeys are evil and they are doing it out of their own choice. Of course they may have been through some things, we all have, but they made that decision knowingly.

My flying monkey sisters are carrying narcissist dad's legacy now that he has passed away. We are in our 60's!!!! I finally get how this whole dynamic works. I'm the scapegoat. Oh, if I could have known this info when i was a child. But I'm victorious and proud of rising above it all.

The flying monkeys and the use of triangulation was perhaps the worse part of the abuse for me. I could not understand how adults could insert themselves into another couple’s marriage without questioning the situation. I absolutely believe that flying monkeys are often narcissistic and are taking part in the abuse because the primary narcissist is giving them something in exchange for their loyalty. In my case, my soon to be ex-husband used trips to his family’s cottage as a big bribe. The other thing was promising free legal help from acquaintances to help with their immigration application. He was not entirely successful with the use of the flying monkeys because I never considered these people to be friends and had no personal relationship with them. But he was constantly trying to make them a part of our life. What bothered me most was that he was putting them before me and our marriage and that he was lying and using manipulation to inflict pain.

@butterflygirl2285

2 жыл бұрын

IMO - if someone is born into a narcissistic system he/she is often comfortable with what is going on. The person doesn't recognize the dynamic because it appears "normal." For example, It wasn't until my mother died that I was able to recognize how enmeshed the extended family members were concerning dysfunctional behavior patterns.

@dawor1761

2 жыл бұрын

Well said.

@dawor1761

2 жыл бұрын

Soon to be X?? My Dear, I hope you have a good support network as well as a Counselor. The narcissist doesn't like to loose supply and loose in court. Mine cost me a lot of $$. And 19 months of hell on earth. Get prepared, if you haven't already. When my narcissist received the divorce papers, she went nuts. She sent copies to my family, went to all the neighbors, went to Church members, my friends, and somehow got to the people at my work. She told her twisted, embellished, fake story of lies. "The smear campaign" was unmerciful. And just horrible. Sorry. I know where you are at.

i am so glad that you touch on this subject i have been studying NPD for many years but a year ago last February, i decided to start studying The Flying Monkey, why do they do what they do .. some don't even know they're being used as a flying monkey, some are just completely duped

Your videos are so validating, Dr. C. My therapist said (after 3 years with me and 9 hours with 2 of my siblings and myself) that the odds of anyone else in my family, besides me, understanding the dynamic of my parents making me the scapegoat and my siblings being the flying monkeys, the odds were one grain of sand on an entire beach. Your videos are very uplifting to me. The loneliness of not having my biological family is offset by understanding why I had to leave. I chose a new family and no one can compare to them - my friends.

@SurvivingNarcissism

2 жыл бұрын

That's a difficult task, but your mental health has to come first. Glad to be on the journey with you. Dr. C

@Healed2Day

2 жыл бұрын

❤️

@QuiGon52

9 ай бұрын

Friends... No doubt. It's difficult to impossible with a narcissistic psychopath sibling, James, using government military surveillance to attack people around me. Praying for deliverance.

Thank you Dr Carter for shedding light on these deviant souls. A flying monkey, is just as miserable as the Narccist, they are ppl who are easily manipulated.

@cacatr4495

2 жыл бұрын

You said it, *deviant souls.

I told my sister, in tears, that I felt liberated from our mother. I thought "liberated " was a significant way to describe my relationship to our mother. Her response was, "well mom is just a difficult person but you need to keep working on it." And that fixing this horrific relationship is all my responsibility. I have blocked all the monkeys. I had to. They all tell me that "I need to fix it, it's my fault it fell apart " then they collectively guilt trip me for my mom being alone. If in fact flying monkeys are narcissistic then my family is literally full of them. I recently wrote my dad a lengthy letter explaining why my mom and I no longer have a relationship. This is the last blood relationship I have that's been tarnished by my mom and although my dad and I still have a relationship, I finally felt compelled to explain what my relationship has been like and why I've had to make the choices I have.

Thank you again for your helpful insight… Sometimes the flying monkeys submit because they may think it’s safer, since they live in fear of repercussions from the narcissist… Especially if they’re married! So sad 😞 I am guilty of taking it on a bit myself, in order to protect the children at times! Domestic abuse is never an option as I look back, though!

@brynleytalbot778

2 жыл бұрын

Triangulation of mother against father using son to support her. Threats of being thrown out used to bully the son who eventually sees no future outside of the home which has been cast as a place of safety and security against the world she depicts as hostile and unforgiving. Freedom given and he’s told he’s luckier than her. A false set of constructs, her world, imposed on him. And after establishing more threats over sharing the family situation with outsiders, no hope of forming an alternative perspective, one of reality. How to abuse in easy steps.

@mimiya4406

2 жыл бұрын

Agreed. Happened to me too.

@marybethmooney7490

2 жыл бұрын

@@brynleytalbot778 How VERY SAD 😢

After listening to your message today , I got a strong sense that before the discard , that narc was actually trying to place ME in the role of a flying 🐒 monkey 🐵!! I think he would have loved us to just be "friends" ...😵‍💫😵‍💫🤣😂 & move forward . They know how EVIL they are , I can't imagine taking on that role without being a narcissist too .

@SurvivingNarcissism

2 жыл бұрын

Good that you see it, Texas Patty!

@texaspatty458

2 жыл бұрын

@@rooftopcat1785 They are pretty good actors in the beginning , then they get so lazy that they don't care anymore , especially if they think you can't go on without them . The big top show turns into a big 💩💩💩💩show & yes those back ups are there & ready for introduction . I did learn just how EVIL these creatures are !!!

Once again, love your content. However, speaking as a former "Flying Monkey," I believe you missed a category. In my case, I was doing all the bidding of my narcissist in the fever-dream that I could somehow, with enough time and exposure, heal her pain. To fix her, as it were. I did things I know were wrong, some morally repugnant to my character. She always threw just enough bread-crumbs out there to make me believe that she was seeing the light of reason and maturity. I, of course, was completely wrong and ended up running for my life. It was the dream that I alone could relieve her pain and heal her.

@SurvivingNarcissism

2 жыл бұрын

Thanks for sharing this...there are so many nuances to the topic.

@gladiammgtow4092

2 жыл бұрын

Is that you Will Smith? 🤣

@hopehealing3232

2 жыл бұрын

I can certainly relate to this. For so long, I believed all of the narcissist's tales of woe and how they were always the victim. I played "rescuer" and truly was made to believe that if I just did more, gave more, etc then their pain and victim hood status would be cured. It is exhausting living with someone who is almost a "professional" malcontent, and needs you to always feel it is YOUR fault they feel that way. Congratulations on your escape!

@dotsyjmaher

2 жыл бұрын

You did things morally repugnant to your character..to save a narc? I am getting a whiff of SOMETHING... No honorable person does that...

Sometimes They are even blindsided so much they'd suggest you should forgive them because it leads to your healing....sometimes we need to forgive ourselves for thinking we could help a narcissist, or a psycopath for that matter

@SurvivingNarcissism

2 жыл бұрын

You're so right.

I often wondered if I'm extremely stupid for falling for a narcissist or if I am maybe a narcissist myself. The truth is, I truly enjoyed working with the narcissist boss, I never experienced her toxic/abusive sides directly in the first few years. She is extremely good at compartmentalizing how she acts around people and she really knows how to spin the narrative against her chosen victims. I was the one showered in compliments for years, made to feel indispensable, made to feel valuable, and then I was turned around to "manage" the other people who worked for this boss. Once I saw what was happening, I withdrew from this horrible role. Now instead of being the flying monkey I'm her newest punching-bag and get treated exactly how she treated her previous victims behind closed doors.

@davidc4233

2 жыл бұрын

Narcissist can be very good experts in their field of work, pastors, doctors, ........there is no end. I disagree with the doctors summary that flying monkeys are all cowards and narcissists themselves. After watching and learning for so long from him I'm actually surprised he believes and is teaching this. Flying monkeys are what they are, but may not be cowards or narcissists. I think flying monkeys are sometimes the victims as well.

@ilhamsumarto7467

2 жыл бұрын

"Now instead of being the flying monkey" I love this line. I love your courage for not being the flying monkeys. Live well !!! 🙌

@empresszoe9351

Жыл бұрын

I guess some flying monkeys just enjoy being out of the firing line.

Some are narcs,some are half wits but all of them are cowards.

Thanks for posting this video. It explains a communal narcissism group of previous colleagues that I had to deal with who were very abusive towards me. I could not be manipulated, controlled, and stuck to my own ethics. It was tough, but eventually HR took care of it. I knew what they were doing the whole time, but I remained professional and took the higher road. Your video reminded me that people like that are weak alone and thrive on bullying others to try to boost their fragile egos. So glad I did not join that group. Growing up with it teaches you a lot.

@SurvivingNarcissism

2 жыл бұрын

You're welcome.

Flying monkeys can be narcs themselves, or cowards, but a lot of the time I think they're just unwitting pawns. Doesn't really matter though. They can switch around to whatever role serves them best in a single breath, the same way the narc themselves can start a sentence from the position of the authoritarian, and finish their sentence as a victim.

Anyone who chooses friends chooses them on the basis of what they like. If they didn't like the narcissist and his tactics they wouldn't be friends with them. Flying monkeys think the narc has power, just as you have said, they fear rejection or being alone without friends. The best place to be in our spirit is to be free from the bondage of meeting the expectations of others who are not kind and loving. I would rather be alone than be with a narcissist if they were the only people in the world. But thankfully there are others who are kind and loving that we can relate to and become friends with, no need to have terrible friends just so we don't have to be alone. I never understood this mentality of retaining bad friends we don't even enjoy when being alone is preferable. There is a saying I heard years ago, "if you are in the bad crowd you are the bad crowd." We choose friends based on what we like or what impresses us. I agree the flying monkeys are also narcissists, and sadly I am convinced we have an entire family and even a culture of narcissism as people are promoting "self-esteem." God says this; "esteem others better than yourselves." The less we think about ourselves the more loving we can become. The narcissists will promote in us what they do and we do not want to become like them.

An excellent analysis. I think they’ve just subjugated themselves to an entity who did exactly what their primary narcissistic caregiver did to them.

It took me nearly 60 years to realize what was happening. It happened at a wedding when a table had been set up for all us sisters and none would sit with me. When I tried to talk to one, another “rescued” her from me. Then it dawned on me that this is how they chased off my other sister. She has been missing now for 26 years and does not want to be found. At the wedding, I realized I was now on the chopping block. I was shocked and sick to my stomach. Now our narc golden child brother is hoovering their children into his realm. In my family of origin, you go along or you are expendable.

In my experience the flying monkeys were the goody two shoes at school and carried that in to adulthood and when horror struck they stood with the Narc because if he could turn on me he could turn on them. Cowards one and all , my sister was No 1 flying monkey who later admitted that if she left her Narc " Where would I go ? ". I would describe them as Cowards/Snakes in the Grass.

So true! With a narcissist you can be an accomplice or a victim and sometimes both.

As usual delivered by Dr Carter very kindly. We need someone to help us and encourage us to watch our step. He encourages to trust yourself and without saying it directly sometimes that we have value. ♡ Thankyou Dr Carter. A truely good person.

@SurvivingNarcissism

2 жыл бұрын

Thank you for your kind words.

My sister told me told me that she stays around my dad so he’ll pay for her wedding…. What a joke. My intuition told me to cut these people out a long time ago. Breaks my heart.

Wow!!!! You have described my sister perfectly as the narcissist and the words she says to our family! I quit the family.

My N' had a group of all kinds. I learned during the divorce many of his friends going back to high school have known all about him and just keep quiet about it. The friends and family are a mix bag of enablers, non confrontational people, and those who aren't ready to admit or face themselves for having been duped by the N'. I actually had a longtime flying monkey say "I feel sorry for them, you're going to come out of this and survive it, you'll be fine at some point, they won't ever be fine so I'm going to continue to support them because the need a friend, you'll be fine". Others said similar things to "it's just easier this way", others still said "yeah but they're family and we need to keep the peace", and still more did the " they would never! I just can't believe it! I'll never believe it!" Flying monkeys - N's or C's, come in all personalities. What blows my mind is people in their 40's and above STILL supporting people like this! Not being able to look at a lifelong friend or sibling and be able to say "this is wrong, you need help", but at the age of half a life lived & learn continue to look the other way, enable the behavior, or continue to actively support it. I appreciate these video's so much Dr. Carter- they really do help me remember there ARE mentally healthy people out there!

Boy this is so good. The head flying monkey I knew said to me. " maybe it's you, she's nice to me. '" wow! Just too scared to be targeted next. Yes they are cowards. Very sad because she's had so much illness. Karma never forgets.

In my experience, the best and only way to defend yourself against a narcissist to other people is to say "theyre just mad that I'm not talking to them anymore" and they'll understand

I have a coworker who is very intelligent, hard working and sensitive. I trust my coworkers judgement completely to handle crisis after crisis. This coworker has been a great help to me at my job for a long time. I am very comfortable disclosing my narc abuse stories about our employer , to a certain point. I have to be very discreet about just how much I really do share because unfortunately this coworker is a flying monkey who flips between being a truth teller and a flying monkey! And I can now see, thanks in large part to Dr.C's teachings, how my coworker knows something is not quite right here but can't fully accept the real truth about our employer and the employer's family member who are full blown flip flop covert/grandiose narcs. I do try to emotionally and professionally support this coworker as much as I can but I always maintain my boundaries because I KNOW my otherwise so helpful coworker can be a flying monkey. Part of that is really sad to me.

Amazing teaching! I’ve seen this a lot in the church world!

100% fact Dr. Carter. Flying Monkeys don't fall far from the tree.😢

Your insight about flying monkeys is right on target. When my narcissistic mom died five months ago, I discovered that my extended family (several cousins and their father) were flying monkeys. My uncle (the executor) and his daughters helped themselves to my mom's entire estate with the exception of an IRA where I was named the beneficiary. The only reason I ended up with the IRA is that I got an attorney who sent the info. to me. The flying monkeys took her car, all of her jewelry, and absolutely everything else. I was stunned when it happened but now I realize that these awful people have always been her flying monkeys. I should have protected myself and gotten proof that I was supposed to get the car, etc. but I was naive and "trusted" my relatives. Be careful, folks. Protect yourselves. Assume nothing. The flying monkeys turned out to be even worse than my mom. They were even more greedy, deceitful and nasty than she ever was. I've coped with the loss of my mom but I'll never speak to those evil creatures again.

With the last narc person... his buddies were one part cowards who deeply fear his tantrums and the others were more of the people pleaser kind, trying to "please" both sides ... And even though they themselves get embarrassed and diminished in front of others, time and time again , they still call this person a "friend"...

I was terminated from a 20 year career by a narcissist and his flying monkeys. Having the opportunity to sit back and see the situation now for what is was, they way the narcissist pulls these flying monkeys in and plays the victim, I’m glad to be away from all of it. I’ve moved on. These videos have been very insightful. I feel healthier and I’ve gained my sense of humour back. I can have fun again. Boy, the narcissist and their flying monkeys can sure suck the air out of a room! Lol

@brg2743

2 жыл бұрын

You are not the only one things like this happens to. It may seem like it, but you are not. You are the better person. They not only suck the air out of a room, they suck the life out of you. They are jerks.

@NoMoreMrNiceGuy2003

11 ай бұрын

Their intention to harm you was actually an opportunity to escape their No Fun Club. (They can go shove it, for all I care)

So great to address this. I have also observed that the flying monkey gets a feeling that they have agency because the narc uses them as an excuse for any of their bad behavior or errors in judgement. The narcissist makes it seem like they need the monkey or that the actions or words of the flying monkey can cause them to behave a certain way. Kind of like the kidnapper who says not paying the ransom "forces" them to hurt their captive. I suspect most flying monkeys have a deep conviction of their own ineffectuality-they seem to think they are utterly without influence. The narc does this shadow play to convince them they have some kind of impact in the circle...

I do not feel sorry for the flying monkeys. They partake of cruelty toward others.They are as bad as the narcissist. Its a choice as being kind is. But like your podcasts.My Dad used to say "birds of a feather flock together "

Very cool Dr. C! I can't get enough of learning about these toxic behaviors and the motivations behind them. Now I want to learn more about the opposite, healthy behaviors and their good motivations. Growing up with narcissists, I was their apologist and rationalizer for a long time. Thank goodness I learned better and found the courage to go in my own better direction. That makes me feel good about me, that I have that strength of character. My soul's not for sale.

I could listen to Dr Les all day. He speaks so much sense. But I got a life...! Sadly narcism has tried to ruin my life...! But I managed to get away and I didn't let it ruin me...

I was part of a flock of flying monkeys. I myself am autistic so can tend to be naive and trusting, and I really thought this religious leader was amazing. I did his bidding along with many others. I felt like his spy because he encouraged us all to report back to him if we heard anyone saying they thought he was controlling or not right. Eventually my husband and I began to see the abuses and gaslighting and thankfully we escaped. I agree I was very "weak" and easily manipulated. Thankfully now on the other side I have regained some of my power and self worth.

It is so sad how many people's lives are affected by these stupids. Guess it teaches us to avoid them and enjoy our lives anyhow.

Thank you for this video- this has helped me so very much- you are so kind to do these videos for those of us struggling to survive the horrible damage narcissists inflict.

That just answered quite a few questions about a frenemy who's become a rabid flying monkey for an ex-girlfriend of mine. It's very clear how much he enjoys pushing me around on her behalf, or attempting to, and now I can better understand why.

Thanks Dr C this is one of the most painful aspects, especially post separation and in family court. Flying monkeys present a huge and complex array of risks and safety issues for us in our family, business, social and citizen spheres that most people (including professionals) just do not understand. It is a form of gang stalking as it is deliberate, debilitating and destabilising and there’s no one to tell.

My flying monkey sister made excuses for my mother's abhorrent behavior for years. She refused to acknowledge the truth about our family, knowing full well that if she stayed on my mother's side when the other 2 daughters went no contact that SHE would be the beneficiary of the estate. I couldn't give a whit about that money-My peace and happiness is too valuable to me to sell out. Funny thing is that with me out of the picture (I went no contact years ago), the other sister showed up wanting to make peace with our mother. Puh-lease. She's only there to pick the bones once she found out I was DONE. I walked away from them all-they're selfish, entitled, black holes of need and greed. Life is too short, folks and there is nothing worth your peace of mind in life :)

@johncollier3175

Жыл бұрын

Once you get a will or trust in a toxic narcicisstic cult family, it is very sad for the scapegoat, who is above greed, and just wants to be part of a loving family. Did you ever see The Twilight Zone episode where the dying millionaire calls his children back to reveal the contents of the will, with the condition that they put on masks of avarice, greed, etc.? When they try to take the masks off, they can't, because they have become their permanent faces. In my family, a sibling became a flying monkey, in order to insure that a future will, involving inherited properties unfairly distributed by our parents would be passed down to her children. I have bent over backwards to keep this relation in tact, because I never had children and love her children as my own. So, I guess everyone has a price, if they don't follow the very narrow path of what is good. I don't think God wants us to behave like this. I don't think it reflects a life lived with dignity, respect, civility. Yet, It is still quite painful. Didn't my narcicisstic parents realize that I would eventually figure out that how they treated me was abuse, which is a perpetuating monster trying to live beyond the grave? On my mother's deathbed, she said I was the most loving. I was the one out of six who was there for hospice. Yet, she was disappointed I was not the golden child. I was the very poorest, and took six weeks off and traveled the farthest. The others were millionaires. My father introduced me and referred to me as "the unsuccessful one." I'm sure Les knows the answer. I wonder if it's part of their mass formation psychosis. They must place their anxiety and anxiety on a scapegoat.