Their complete lack of remorse for these behaviors is almost as damaging as the actual behaviors. The idea that a person chooses to be so manipulative and destructive with another person's life is mind blowing. I think this is the definition of evil.

@SurvivingNarcissism

2 жыл бұрын

That is a trait of malignant narcissism.

@priscilalondon

2 жыл бұрын

Not only don they not feel remorse, but they also blame you for their betrayal.

@hissyfitz7890

2 жыл бұрын

@@SurvivingNarcissism - That’s a trait of my NEX!

@bkpsly1

2 жыл бұрын

I have been at the hands of a malignant Narc husband for 28 years and it is brutally painful to realize that after all the years, they really didn't care at all about you/for you and just discard you like you were trash. Very sad.

@katielung6515

2 жыл бұрын

Totally agree 💯

They're not committed to anyone but themselves. Betrayal is always an option.

@donna-colorado8443

2 жыл бұрын

Yes mine seems to be very into himself and what he needs and wants.

@whitewings2363

2 жыл бұрын

You shouldn't be commited to a person, only good character. How a person defines betrayal is important.

@Ysmfotografie

2 жыл бұрын

I AM in the midle of IT. Promisses wich i payed for already. I lost so much of my money. And hè is constantly almost broke. loosing his housse and his business.

@keplermission4947

2 жыл бұрын

@@Ysmfotografie Well you know ... get more money and don't give him a red cent. Do the lottery, gamble, buy a scratch ticket or start a small biness and don't tell LOSER a thing.

@jonnyblade46

2 жыл бұрын

@@Ysmfotografie It's a parasite. Get rid of it and forget it. Been there done that. Narcs are leeches.

There is no loyalty in them, therefore, betrayal is like air to them.

@1010QUEEN7

2 жыл бұрын

Zero loyalty

@caroleminke6116

2 жыл бұрын

I heard a psychologist say they ARE loyal… to themselves 🤣

@mylittlekittens

2 жыл бұрын

They don't care that other people have feelings.

@saturngirl3748

2 жыл бұрын

Very true I'm so terrified of narcissists I have no clue how to baby sit them because i wasn't diagnosed with it. Sometimes they even work in the mental health industry too. Its good field to study health care. I saw a couple nurses with those jobs and I salute them all for helping everyone through the pandemic. Some of them saved my life but others were overly confident and got my hopes up to much when I was in my 20s my biggest mistake was putting to much faith in people. So now of days I proceed with caution.

@yellowdayz1800

2 жыл бұрын

And crossing boundary lines is like the air for them.

they will throw you under the bus in a heartbeat to make themselves look good, stay out of trouble or whatever.

@camillakongsberg1864

2 жыл бұрын

That made my day! You are an angel!

@sharonboehm5296

2 жыл бұрын

I have experienced this recently with my mother and sister.

@nikohoffman678

2 жыл бұрын

Exactly this, it comes out of nowhere when their image is threatened.

@jamesreynolds9909

Жыл бұрын

Yeah, they’ll throw you under the bus, whenever it’s a benefit & gives them the ability to “pass the buck” to make you the centrepiece of blame for their own personal actions… especially if you’re not there, which Is all the more convenient for them as they sidestep a potential consequence & begin their(Smear/Slander) campaign. They will do this whenever it’s possible, as many times as possible & will preach to (Any/All) that will lend them an ear

@user-qo3mk1ck7h

Жыл бұрын

Yes! Ya gotta love being thrown under the bus 😏.

Pathologically jealous. They can't love you unless you're fawning all over them. Once you decide to do your own thing or if you get more attention than them, they will pull the betrayal card. Life owes them you see.

@thehealthylife5715

2 жыл бұрын

There so pathetic

@bkpsly1

2 жыл бұрын

OMG, yeah I just found that out, the betrayal card, the hard way after 27 years of being a loving, loyal and apparently naive wife . Brutal, vicious revenge attacks of cheating, lying, deception, secrets, etc. Awful! 27 years people!!!

@jaynecrossman7505

2 жыл бұрын

@@bkpsly1 im just learning about this after 27 years.

@crystalbluewire3339

2 жыл бұрын

@SLP, listen to Cello Greens song " Forget You" . You will feel better and stronger.

@alonzomosley7

2 жыл бұрын

Yep just going through this right now ,once you stop sucking up to them they flick you like a piece of toilet paper

Here’s a confidence boost for anyone who has been hurt and broken down by a narcissist. Remember, no matter how many individuals they manipulate, use and toss aside, they can NEVER fill the empty void that is themselves. And they never will. They are truly that low.

@user-vt9kd4no8j

Жыл бұрын

Yes, I’m holding on tightly to this truth …

@billindawatts5502

10 ай бұрын

Strange... that he never understood he was all that and a bag of chips ... to me.

They will betray you and then when you walk away from their rabbit holes they blame you for betrayal.

Disloyalty and betrayal is part of their nature. That is why I am divorcing.

@RashedaF

2 жыл бұрын

I remember when I was praying to The Lord, asking what am I to do as this man cares only about himself, after all I’ve done for him and he lies, cheats and take take take. His life surrounds securing himself and make sure things are ok with him. I was just pouring out my heart to the Lord and I heard “JACOB AND LABAN” and it was that that makes me know This marriage is purely on deception. The Lord doesn’t sanction these marriages. They will suck the living life out of you. I had to comment because of what you wrote. Pure deception in these people they are straight demonic

@mattdonna9677

2 жыл бұрын

Good for you !

@limitedtime5471

2 жыл бұрын

Godspeed!

@AZDC99

2 жыл бұрын

That's all you have to do! That's what I'm doing without being a legal matter in my case and I'm talking about a friendship and family relationships with former family of origin. "Just get yourself free, Lee!"--Paul Simon '50 Ways To Leave Your Lover' You've got this! I almost say this more for myself than you because I'm going to the same thing and I'm so glad that you are gonna also break free of their (20/20 hindsight) blatantly premeditated insane asylum.

@thisisme1981

Жыл бұрын

@@RashedaF I’m going to get my Bible and look that up!!! Thank you!!! This marriage was definitely not sanctioned by YAHUA!!! ❤

" I don't want to filter my beliefs about me through that troubled individual" 🔥🔥 Thank you.

@440SPN

2 жыл бұрын

Truly perfect statement by Dr. C.

@TechWiz1983

2 жыл бұрын

Amen to that statement! Truly powerful. 🔥🔥🔥

@LoveAuntAshley

Жыл бұрын

That was something I really needed to hear tonight!

Their betrayal is just another piece of their false selves, lying, and abuse. My ex wife of 31 years is/was guilty of it all: lying, cheating multiple times, gaslighting, emotional abuse, financial abuse, EVERYTHING.

@johngaulding3710

2 жыл бұрын

My wife of 34 years has been an alcoholic/party girl who traveled alot for her job. There was some sketchy things throughout those years but she was just "partying". In the last 2 years her drunken mouth has revealed the truth that there was more than just that. The big lie was over and now I don't have to follow boundaries anymore. Outside our marriage, everything in my life is great ,and at 55 I'm not willing to walk away from what I have worked hard for. But she knows she has lost the grip on me and she is imploding. If she filed tomorrow, so be it. She may have won battles, but she lost the war.

@christinalw19

2 жыл бұрын

🙏🏼🕊❤️

@regretsonly3808

2 жыл бұрын

@@johngaulding3710 It seems that drunken or sober, the time comes when narcs will confess to the deep betrayals they got away with long ago...just to harm you further? desire to showboat? They're just like serial killers who taunt police w/bits of evidence because they didn't get enough credit for their crimes.

@billyrayvalentine7972

2 жыл бұрын

Boy we are kindred spirits. Both your posts are my life. With the one exception that mine is 29 years. I'm working on the exit but she's made it very difficult financially. Otherwise my spirit is already gone. She knows it.

@loulou9978

2 жыл бұрын

I feel your pain. My ex husband of 35 years was guilty of all the same things. He bankrupted us twice. The chaos never stopped

I'm 100% certain these videos save lives. Thanks Dr. C.

@SurvivingNarcissism

2 жыл бұрын

So pleased!

@pattyeludwig1522

2 жыл бұрын

They do!! Mine

@awebs121

2 жыл бұрын

wonderful words, it helps to see it defined; our lived experience (of once befriending) socially malignant schizotypal/NPD creatures.. !

@sharontalley2155

2 жыл бұрын

Dr. Carter saved my life.

@EmberAsh

2 жыл бұрын

They do!

It seems the older they get the more they lie and have covert abusive intentions.

@MJ-qb5ph

2 жыл бұрын

Do they get worse with age?

@sampal5352

2 жыл бұрын

I have found this. Maybe with fading facade in life of youth, beauty, power, time for achievement…and if you make any change in yourself and there by the dynamic between you and that person.

@jandrews6254

Жыл бұрын

Or maybe, with age progressing, they develop vascular dementia. As I think may have been the case with my husband. His behaviour just got worse and worse,violence , brought guns illegally into the house but secretly, until I left him precipitously when my mother died and left me enough money to get out. And he seemed to be looking forward to her death, to use that money to further a law suit that had gone absolutely nowhere for many years, never mind that he squandered most of “our”/his assets in pursuance of the suit, even though most of his court appearances were to ask for adjournments because he couldn’t get on with preparation.

@sweetbee2174

Жыл бұрын

My narc hubby was with his gf abroad so I messaged him to consider divorce and he reluctantly said yes at the same time he send me their picture together

@user-wz4bz2fn6s

3 ай бұрын

It gets worse as they age.

Dr. Carter, I have been following you for about three years now, and I have nothing but respect and gratitude for you and for all the help and guidance you have given us. Thank you so much 🙏

@camtnranchgmailcom

2 жыл бұрын

I agree. At the end of your comment did you click on the little man or monk or praying hands? Really curious? Thanks.

I've had too many people like this in my life. Friends and family. It's heartbreaking to be a loyal person only to be stomped on by a narcissist. They deserve to be left to themselves and their twisted little worlds.

@hathlete4ever916

2 жыл бұрын

I can relate!! I hope you're doing better and that these videos are helping you get through what's happened to you and that you're finding your place of peace 👌👍🤝🙂

@Greenwings701

2 жыл бұрын

That's wishful thinking, as their toxicity always seeks even lower ground.

@camillakongsberg1864

2 жыл бұрын

You are more precious than any of them!

@shelley7975

2 жыл бұрын

@@hathlete4ever916 Thank you!

@shelley7975

2 жыл бұрын

@@camillakongsberg1864 Thank you!

In their betrayal, they think they are choosing a better deal but they actually sell themselves short. Rarely does a game focused on short-term rewards yield the best long term returns.

@tashagotit7747

2 жыл бұрын

Details

The most frustrating thing is that when setting a boundary with them after their horrible behaviour, they call this personal boundary of yours a betrayal of them. They have no concept of self it seems and think they own everyone by default..

@kimmccord1103

2 жыл бұрын

When the narcissist loses control over their victim (boundaries are enforced by you) the narc starts to control how others see you. You are now seen in the narcs eyes as difficult!

@sandyw1891

2 жыл бұрын

@@kimmccord1103 and then you can expect the flying monkeys.

@deb384

2 жыл бұрын

My ex-husband called a boundary a wall. Buh-bye

@ShunyamNiketana

2 жыл бұрын

So true. At some point, especially while we wait for them to own the betrayal, they try to turn the tables and say we are betraying them. See gaslighting for more information.

@samantham2204

2 жыл бұрын

It’s like your boundaries are an affront to them. Normal boundaries like don’t open the door when I’m in the restroom or let me choose my own flavor from the bag of pop cycles.

You're never a friend to a narcissist, you're a competitor, or a tool. Someone to be manipulated and used, and then thrown away. Narcissists go around effing over so many people that eventually they have to leave the state. Sometimes they move to another part of the country to get away from all those they've turned into enemies. It's pretty common, actually.

@TRichmond1964

2 жыл бұрын

They need to be "identified" and quarantined; only your Angels, and the Divine Spirit, can thwart their actions; they ultimately destroy themselves, sometimes sooner than latter😕

@Manitoba_Fatty_

2 жыл бұрын

Yeah, my narc sister moved to a different province…GOOD RIDDANCE!!!

@mattdonna9677

2 жыл бұрын

I would prefer they left the planet.

@lisarochwarg4707

2 жыл бұрын

@@mattdonna9677 I agree. I hope they find a nice exoplanet soon. We can stick them there!

@wirawira6608

2 жыл бұрын

My boyfriend would like to relocate to my country, but i never visit his country .. He like testing people's words.. Make fake emotion,drama.. He never told me about his family.. Is he narcissit man

Whether it's romantic or a friendship, they enjoy changing the terms and conditions/boundaries when you least expect it, just so they can slap you in the hand for doing something which before was acceptable but all of a sudden it's the greatest violation of trust for them.

@faithm9284

2 жыл бұрын

Spot On!You nailed it! Having God's Healthy Boundaries is the only way to protect ourselves from these predators. Seriously, pray for HIS Healthy Boundaries, and for GOD to make you the person HE created you to be! HE will do the tough part! 💌

@bakpoassylzhan

2 жыл бұрын

Yes. That’s so true. I was many times disappointed by toxic “friends” when I didn’t even think it’s possible. And they start from little things, like saying they go together with you but drop and leave you with confusion and disappointment. My mind was like” wasn’t you supposed to go till the end and say bye and not accidentally leave” I think it’s a good example how subliminally they start their game of confusion.

@ollia

2 жыл бұрын

They indeed do try to flip it and turn it around to have an excuse to attack you. When you tell them the relationship is not working and set a boundary - they will call this personal boundary a betrayal.

@EmmaAirborne

2 жыл бұрын

You NAILED IT!! At least in the most recent case I’m dealing with, though I’m confident in saying there’s an element of this in every narcissist I’ve encountered. The “changing of the terms” hit the nail on the head; it leaves you wondering why they suddenly seem so put off when all you are doing is being the loyal friend you thought you were.

@aprile.m.m6886

2 жыл бұрын

This and it's not always a violation of trust. Sometimes they do it to show others that you don't know what you have to do

So relatable wasted 10 years of my life and Dr. Carter’s videos are what helped me get out of it. Unfortunately the narc is still a part of my life as we have a child, but thankfully I have my head in the right space and I’ve made boundaries; all thanks to these videos and our amazing Dr. Carter ❤️💪

@user-df9sq4qt3b

Жыл бұрын

Good for you! Your words are inspiring and I wish you the best of what life has to offer! Peace ☮️🕊️🌿

It is particularly heartbreaking when the narcissist is a sibling. The concepts of family, loyalty, trust and love are completely foreign.

@440SPN

2 жыл бұрын

My only sister is like that.

@dylannaenzo9737

2 жыл бұрын

@@440SPN Both of my sisters were like that. No brothers, either... I was Cinderella.

@RippleDrop.

Жыл бұрын

@@440SPN Mine too. I do think she's a borderline though. A monster with severe mental health problems nonetheless. It's just...monstrous.

@bodaciousbethany0

Жыл бұрын

I always defended my brother and cousins. They'd sit around talking about me negative any chance they got, & come back & tell me what others said. Wow.

@rebeccacory7945

2 ай бұрын

🙏🏻❤️🙏🏻 Thank you for that!! All I can say is, after the way my sister judged, belittled, shamed, shut down, gossiped & lied about me,spied on & finally fired me, she had the audacity to text 6 months later “we need to be sisters again.” I didn’t reply. Now, of course, I’m the one who was wrong & I was trying to take over her law firm & on & on. Puh-LEEZ!!! While she was a using me (as a law firm partner), she demeaned me so badly in front of a colleague one day that I stopped talking to her at all. It took her 18 months to even notice 🤣🤣🤣 All I did was give her what she wanted … which was blatantly obvious to me and all her flying monkeys: absolutely nothing to do with me. And somehow, of course, it ended up being all my fault & I was the bad guy. It took me years to see how she’d used, abused, excluded, ignored, rejected (unless I could make her look her look good, then she was OK with me temporarily) manipulated, ganged up on & lied about me all the way back to childhood. In the lair of her law firm, she completed her coup de gras, and there wasn’t a thing I could do about it. Typical to the pattern, she acts like she did nothing & that I victimized her!! People have told me my whole life that she was jealous of me … I finally get it. Ultimately her need to compete & be the best led to her jealousy because she couldn’t beat me (of course not, I was only being my best self & had no CLUE her whole life was a competition!! Mine’s not!!) and when she saw my success at her firm it enraged her. Passive aggressive BS, mocking, gossiping, lying, condescension all the time. She thinks she got me once & for all & put me in my place but I can tell you honestly, I did not ever betray myself or my own values & that’s why she hates me (while saying it’s me who hates her … lord!!). I have ME. She does NOT. I’d say I “beat” her again!! 🤣👍❤️ I would have quit but I would never have betrayed my sister that way. We obviously don’t have the same values. Sad to say, but I can’t trust her and I respect myself enough to not have anything to do with her. It feels good to be free of the most damaging relationship of my life!! 😅❤🙏🏻🥰❤️

The betrayal was something I really struggled to understand. I could not believe that he was telling lies about me and our relationship behind my back. And for no reason. Not that there’s any justification for that kind of behaviour. That’s when I realised that I had misjudged him and never knew him. It also made me feel as if I could not trust myself because I missed something major. Thank you for the encouraging words in this video. I am trying not to let this experience turn me into a bitter cynical person.

@barbpaq

2 жыл бұрын

I can relate. Betrayal makes me question my choices in who to trust.

@pp00001pp

2 жыл бұрын

Well here's the thing. You have to remember that they are con artists. You are not stupid, they are professional cons.

They live a LIE…all of it. And IT IS ALL ABOUT THEM….All of IT!

Some of these people have experienced a devastating betrayal in childhood or adolescence, and the lesson they draw is that betrayal is the most powerful of weapons. That is why they entice trust, and then betray it. They feel powerful when they see their victim crumple.

@CodyCole80

2 жыл бұрын

Understandable reasoning but still no excuse.

@reymohammed7040

2 жыл бұрын

@@CodyCole80 True, but they use it as such. I've heard it with my own ears.

@debieaves4788

2 жыл бұрын

@Rey Mohammed - I’ve never considered that before: “the lesson they draw is that betrayal is the most powerful of weapons.” That rings of truth to me. Thank you for your insight. ✔️

@Mac-sb6dr

2 жыл бұрын

Exactly

@Gellybeanb1974

2 жыл бұрын

& it is so heart breaking. Mine would seem to be fine and just disappear for days. I spent most of 40 years waiting on him to come home & he would act like like he hadn't done any thing wrong. Hope your happy now & will continue to heal*

Yup, after 13 years of abuse and betrayal I hate her guts. I am angry about it now, I accept it is my fault for not being stronger and getting out Sooner. It is a bitter pill to swallow that someone I cared for was using me. To forgive is FOR ME so I will not be consumed with resentment and anger. Thank you Dr Carter for helping all of us who reach out to you.

@mattdonna9677

2 жыл бұрын

@@vladosvibanj-brala5764 thank you for your message, I totally understand it. To forgive does NOT mean I am ok with her evil ways, it is so I will not be mentally burdened as I go forward with my life.

@mattdonna9677

2 жыл бұрын

@@vladosvibanj-brala5764 You are right, we have a lot of people walking the same path as us. Best wishes to you Vlado on your journey .

@JD-bj5kp

2 жыл бұрын

7 yrs here. Same thing. 3 months NC. She was cheating with a married man. I was replaced. Found out of her phone chats with her bff narc as well, analysing lot of texts one month after discard. She was covert/grandiose/malignant. Rest of her family is that way too. We are not guilty of anything, we cant blame ourselves for not being stronger or getting out sooner. We had high hopes that we are dealing with human loving being, not the devil himself. Anger and hate dissolves through time but I dont think Im able to forgive her even for me. I just dont know how to do this really. Many of us have life ruined in every possible aspect, house, job, reputation, finances to health.

@JD-bj5kp

2 жыл бұрын

You guys have been with narc 13 and 30 years... Cant even imagine. 7 years here. They had perfect masks guys. She was bragging to her bff narc as well that she played like Meryl Streep so... always poker face and the only thing she know she cant fake was her nostrils when laughing of you deep inside but I never noticed it. These are narc words about herself to another female narc. I have exported all the chats off her phone and analysed it. Otherwise I would never found out and Id stay discarded clueless. She was using dissappearing messages and deleted a lot but she was clumsy and not suspecting that I will check her phone. Many texts through many months was there as 100% proof. They will look you directly into the eye and lie even confronted with proof.

@mattdonna9677

2 жыл бұрын

@@JD-bj5kp Hatred corrodes the vessel that carries it. We have Dr Carter to guide us and we have each other. I believe all of us who follow this channel understand your pain, JD. You are not alone in this.

I like seeing your little dog and look for him in every video. Thanks so much for helping us make sense of behaviors that make no sense.

It is difficult to accept the fact that some people are toxic. Accepting this fact, can be difficult for trusting individuals. Trusting, hopeful individuals will jump through every hoop imaginable and contort themselves into every imaginable contortion rather than accept this obvious and simple fact, that a person they have loved has become toxic. It is painful, sad and disillusioning to finally arrived at this conclusion and to realize that there is nothing you can do to "fix" them. They are no longer the person whom you once knew; but one thing remains: that the innocent individual who saw the goodness in them is still the person who you are, and that goodness, hope and idealism will never leave you. It's difficult to admit that there is no longer anything you can do, except to let them be. Their toxicity will ultimately need to resolve itself on its own, but there is no earthly reason for you to sup from that cup. Empaths take the weight of the world upon their shoulder, but one can never make oneself sick enough to heal another person.

Dr Carter I have watched many of your videos on this channel, and under your guidance for the first time in my life i can truly begin to heal from the damage caused by a highly narcissistic parent. I am so very appreciative of your kind calm advice and good example of healthy living. Thank you, you really are changing lives world wide.

@SurvivingNarcissism

2 жыл бұрын

So pleased for this encouraging feedback! Dr. C

@keplermission4947

2 жыл бұрын

Next time say that stuff and then beg Dr. Carter for some money. Tell him how poor you are and you know, all the lies of the day and he'll give you nothing. Why his dog eats the best of fillet steak and prime cuts intended for the best among people.

@natinamack5123

2 жыл бұрын

Ditto that my friend! Everything you said, so true!

@azicat1459

2 жыл бұрын

@@keplermission4947 wtf? Listen yeah... humans deserve nothing. Animals deserve the best. And I'm sure the doctor needs no one to defend him, but I love him so leave him alone. Goodbye from London

@FusRoDarshinae

2 жыл бұрын

@@keplermission4947 Im aware you feel that way. However I have an entirely different opinion and im sticking with that.

I wish malignant narcissists can be reported and diagnosed, then registered to a predatory list. My ex is predatory and I wish I could warn his future victims.

When my ex blamed me for his behaviors or accused me of what he was actually doing, it left me questioning myself for years now. He went so far as to say I was the narcissist, even when he was actually diagnosed with NPD. It's been a long road for me to recover who ** I ** am. I've made all kinds of mistakes trying to survive, cope and process. By the grace of Almighty God and people like Dr. C, I'm getting there. One. Day. At. A. Time. ❤️

@SurvivingNarcissism

2 жыл бұрын

Keep leaning forward, Katherine!

But how dare you not forgive them immediately and pretend all is hunky dory.

@SurvivingNarcissism

2 жыл бұрын

Exactly.

I feel completely duped, and betrayed. I feel angry , pissed off , and it does zero good to tell the narc anything.

Yes. Finding that I was ridiculed behind my back was a searing pain my heart endured.

This video could not have come out at a more perfect time. I had a conversation with my narc father two days ago where he wanted me to tell him all the issues and hurt that I had with him. After telling him, he claimed all those hurtful events NEVER happened, he then made the entire conversation about him, cried and tried to act like he was the victim. I feel so lost and depersonalized. It's like a fever dream. I hate this, but I know it'll get better. I'm distancing myself more and more.

@tranquility9325

2 жыл бұрын

That's why I cut ties with my family. I refuse to be abused.

@aliceroberts1980

2 жыл бұрын

Yeah everything you said they did to you they throw it back at you later

@smilinazzdoggy825

2 жыл бұрын

Keep learning about narcissism on here and over time clarity that comes from that knowledge will put you in position to be your best self. Definitely go with less contact and recognize other narcs in your life and steer clear.

@realhealing7802

2 жыл бұрын

Lie and deny is their constant game. I had to go no contact with my entire narcissistic family.

@fredrickimhoff2541

2 жыл бұрын

Yes, my father did the same exact thing! I had to accept that the relationship will only ever be a shallow, surface dynamic. I do not share anything with him because he has proven to not be safe. It took me thirty years to stop trying to make it work. Reality as it is, not as I want it to be:)

Commenting beforehand. I think narcissists set up betrayal far in advance, like they are planning to run their same old game even before they meet someone to plug into the victim slot. I need to learn more because it caught me by surprise more than once.

@AlwaysStampinVideos

2 жыл бұрын

Red flags. There is always a single red flag from ground control day one. Red flags are not warnings to proceed with caution. Red flags mean STOP. Now. The key is knowing one’s self so well to know how to navigate beyond the stopping point. Fist bump to ya, Sage

@KMR1776

2 жыл бұрын

On point

@skinnyway

2 жыл бұрын

they are absolutely planning on running the same ole same ole game on whoever it is their radar falls on. they really gravitate toward empaths trying to steal our inner light that they simply do not have. they go from one empath to the next doing what they can to break us on purpose - to make as many of us like them as they can; if they can. it is truly a spiritual war.

@johngaulding3710

2 жыл бұрын

Yep. They love to set you up. My traveling wife would always paint the prettiest picture of how things were going to be better each time. Then when it was 2:30 am and I'm calling her because I never heard from her, she would rage and hang up on me. Time and time again this would happen. Pure set up with zero intentions to follow through.

@mharris7380

2 жыл бұрын

Yes you are spot on. One colleague at work was very 'kind' to me after they started. I was still quite new and we both noticed the bullying (from the narc). We talked about the bullying and exchanged stories about when we had it happen before. Eventually she began turning against me and revealed herself to also be a narc by over criticizing entire departments ("do you know what I'm beginning to think they are all stupid downstairs") and regularly telling me how the existing team before we joined had no admin skills and so couldn't do their jobs efficiently but she could do it better. She then became friendly with another colleague to learn her job and then turned against her too, using the knowledge she now had to get this other persons job changed how she wanted her to do it. Now I've raised a bullying grievance, this narc has told HR I was bullied by my mum, sister and step dad when I was young to try and make out I'm to blame for the bullying now. That's not what I told her, I told her my step dad was not a very nice man, nothing about my mum and sister being cruel to me. But I can see now how she has been finding out information on the ones of us in the team who have potential to do well, to use it against us in some way to gain control. This one narc has become the other narcs flying monkey and betrayed two of us in the team.

I learned to detach from an alcoholic years ago (89-91). I use the same tactic with my narc. Nothing is better than silence. I pretended for years they were ghosts that rattled their chains and to pay no mind to them.

Everyday you be a better person and outshine the narcissist in every way. Put them in their place beneath you. Not above you

The whole thing is a betrayal from the very beginning. That’s what was so upsetting when I found out I cried for two weeks straight it was all a lie not on my part but None of it was real !!! It was all a little fantasy in his brain even ask me well if you’re not going to pretend he want to me to pretend with him I’m like no I find that disgusting I hate liars and I hate pretending I can’t handle it I guess I’m one of those empath that I like the truth even if it hurts

@1010QUEEN7

2 жыл бұрын

Ditto 🎯🎯🎯

@ae8158

2 жыл бұрын

I understand what you feel

Mother: neglectful narcissist. Husband: not sure what his brand was but I didn't exist unless he wanted something. Son: malignant narcissist. Daughter: covert narcissist. Lifelong 'friend': vanity narcissist. Surely there are good, non-toxic people out there with healthy levels of narcissism but I don't want to look for them. I'm at peace with myself but I've had enough of trying.

@briannadboyd

2 жыл бұрын

....wouldn't the kids be your fault though?

@a.k.7424

2 жыл бұрын

It can take a lot of searching, but a kind, safe, forthright friend is really wonderful-- I hope you will at least keep an eye out for one of these people. And they can really help us to unlearn what we learned from narcissistic parents! Healthy love and friendship feels fantastic! And your body will always tell you if you're around someone who is safe or unsafe-- if you learn to recognize the feelings. It is great to be able to enjoy your own company, for sure, but I am grateful to the handful of sweet sane friends I've found as well.

@krejados1

2 жыл бұрын

@@briannadboyd I would have to be quite the narcissist if I didn't claim at least some of the responsibility for it, would I? But I think the more influential person was their father who enjoyed pitting the kids against one another (and me) for sport. Otherwise, besides the constant put-downs and being emotionally unavailable when actually present, he wanted nothing to do with them. Also, there is a genetic component to being narcissistic; it's quite possible they got those genes from my mother via me. In fact, it's quite frightening to me how much my daughter reminds me of her.

@krejados1

2 жыл бұрын

@@a.k.7424 I'm so glad to know you're healing and that you've found companions for your journey, A.K. Thank you for your kindness.

@notsheepish8304

2 жыл бұрын

@@briannadboyd 👎

There are so many warm, lovely and decent people around and being more decerning when meeting new people is likely to save one a world of pain. The shock of being taken for a fool, gaslit and generally manipulated is a huge lesson to work through but one worth the effort.

Oh my goodness!! I have been struggling with the fact that my husband of eight years has betrayed me! I couldn’t figure out how this person could stop talking to me after I took care of him during an illness that lasted for five years. Now that he has a glimmer of health, he has completely discarded me! I wasn’t sure what emotion I was experiencing, but now I know! I’ve been betrayed!!! Thank you so much Dr. C for this video. Your videos and messages have given me the strength and power I need to get out of this phony marriage. Narcissist are truly demonic people! I look forward to my freedom and healing. ❤️

@mariar3933

2 жыл бұрын

If u were ill.. He would have left long back

@jacquelinemarie1078

2 жыл бұрын

This could have been my comment. I know what pain you felt, and glad you are taking your life back.

Even if I realize that I should pity people whose inclination, is to undermine the very sense of security that they seek, I can't escape the feeling of resentment that comes with having to put up with these people for so much of my life . For people who spend as much time thinking about how it's "not their fault", ever...you would think it might occur to them a pattern is emerging but no...

@catherinepraus8635

2 жыл бұрын

Resentments are like eating poison and Expecting the other person to die don't give them that it's hard I know

@tracydanneo

2 жыл бұрын

I’m so sick of them. Such an exhausting waste of time.

My brother is one of these. He used to study machiavelli .. stole from me, told lies about me, destroyed relationships for me.. I wanted to kill him at one point but decided I am better than that and left him to his malevolence. I hope karma comes calling.

@lindabell2940

2 жыл бұрын

Man dude your brother im sorry i want to kill my self for being against my big sister its like at the end of our lifes 60 years and man,it hurts more for me than her,they they its a mental thing,this doctor is good its hard to forgive myself the no compassion my big sister i lived the same has a kid just like her, the environment my mom and dad, i dont see it, she became this person she is it sucks and its your own blood sometime im supposed to say 0 she is a retard and forgive ,she not responsible Doctor does help, for my blood my Lord ,if i don't forgive myself for being against her, i never hurt her,until i did it killed me to put my sister down it sucks i know im a no good human my blood my needs my sister back, help us Lord thanks for Doctor C thank ya i like Gus

Wow, the timing on this is perfect. I felt betrayed during the marriage, but at the end and now, during the divorce process, I have learned about more and potentially disastrous financial betrayals. I should have known, but yes, I kept trusting him even though I knew he had lied in the past. He looked me in the eye and lied for decades. And he wants me to feel sorry for the situation he's in! I was devastated when I found out, but in a way it helped me accept that the entire relationship was a lie, and I've given up all tender feelings or belief that any of it was good. Indifference is becoming a serious reality.

@iveypittman2975

2 жыл бұрын

I understand completely. I trusted my husband wholeheartedly until I knew that I could no longer do so. Our entire marriage is a lie!

@1010QUEEN7

2 жыл бұрын

Every thing was a lie for 37 years and if my eyes hadn't open up he would have never stopped

@LittleKitty22

2 жыл бұрын

That's the worst part of such things - you didn't have a marriage or relationship. You were scammed and deceived into believing you were married, but you weren't. What you had was an illusion, fed to you by the narcissist for one purpose only: to hurt you. If you had known what you know now, would you have agreed to marry him, to share your life and your bed with him? If not - then you were violated. Consent was obtained from you under false pretenses. The term for this is - r@pe by deception!

@clover6338

2 жыл бұрын

I am in exactly the same position... coming to terms with 12 years of financial and relational infidelity. HIs ex-wife's suicide 6 months ago completely unmasked him. Just a week before her death I discovered his infidelity... and I honestly believed her death would be his wake-up call to refocus on our relationship and on caring for their children - but instead he went off the rails. Completely absent when my stepson, who was grieving the loss of his mother, needed him most. His drinking escalated, and he continued his affair, prioritizing time with this woman over time with his son. Gratefully he moved out on his own, but now he is weaponizing his status the sole legal custodian for my stepson. If I challenge him in any way, he drops veiled threats about "placement." This child has not been "placed" anywhere. This is his home. He has lived in this home for 12 years, and I am his bonded parent. What blows my mind is that both of this child's biological parents abandoned him (mom clearly had BPD/NPD and now I realize my ex is a malignant covert narcissist), leaving him constantly in my care. Because of this we share a very healthy and secure bond, but now my ex is weaponizing this child to control me. Honestly I can't believe I was so naïve for so long. It is such a helpless place to be... every boundary is perceived as a betrayal. Every time I stand up for myself, I am threatened. I never know if I should call his bluff and stay persistent, or if I should just accommodate to everything for the sake of my stepson... Blah!

@mgb7140

2 жыл бұрын

@@clover6338 How wonderful that you and his son bonded so deeply. It's a gift from the universe that you are in his life. The age of the boy is important. If you can get through a few more years before you can both be "free" of the N -- as if we're ever free -- it might be worth it to develop the skills of dealing with the N calmly, not "poking the bear," knowing that it is a survival mechanism until you can escape. That was what I tried to do as I planned my escape. Gray rock, avoidance, even apologizing when it is strategic rather than escalating it by demanding they take responsibility they will never take. I knew it was survival as I did it, and I even felt guilty for being so good at being duplicitous. But when you are trying to survive, you better be good at your survival strategy! Unfortunately, that *can* lead to them becoming worse, but if you know it's temporary and you aren't in physical danger, it can be a an option. When your son is 16, he will have a say which parent he wants to live with. It might be a problem because you are a step parent. Can you reach out to an intimate partner violence support group? They are free and may be able to direct you to an attorney who specializes in domestic violence/abuse who can advise you on your legal options. None of this applies, of course, if there is physical danger. You need to prepare for an escape under those circumstances: Some $ put safely aside (try a Serve prepaid debit card), a burner phone, everything you need on a USB stick you can grab, a suitcase with a couple of day's stuff kept at a friend's (not in your car), the number of a DVA shelter or clearing house, etc. This way if you need to run, you can grab your purse and *get out.* I don't know about Dr. C, but Dr. Ramani has a book called "Should I Stay or Should I Go?" which has planning strategies for both choices and doesn't judge or say, "You need to leave," because she understands you may not be able to leave, at least right now. I hope Dr. C doesn't resent me recommending that book. It was incredibly helpful to me. It helped me be ready to leave immediately when the universe offered me a chance. "Hope for the best, but plan for the worst." Understand that, unfortunately for us, there are no easy options. Our roads are filled with stones and rocks and boulders and crevasses. But we have made it this far. They haven't destroyed us until we no longer get up in the morning and get through our day. Find support, tell yourself you can keep going because you are stronger than him -- because you are. A couple of weeks ago was my wedding anniversary. I celebrated. I said that I may have given him X decades of my life, but I didn't give him one more year. You will be able to say that too. Please feel free to reply if you want to continue this discussion. I hope Dr. C wouldn't mind if we continued here, because it might be of help to someone else who is in a quandary. Good luck on your difficult journey. It is understood by us.

I'm now in my 40s and just learning that the man I spent 15 years with may have been narcissist in some of the worst ways. I often wondered if this was part of that: he would never marry me but would often introduce me as his wife. In other situations he would introduce me as a girlfriend and sometimes as nothing at all depending on what suited him best in whatever situation he was in.

Narcissists cause persons to be devastated by their betrayal. It is so hurtful that there are no words for it. I have been told that it takes a long time to heal from these types of hurts. I am finding that to be true as I -personally am into the 5th year of the betrayal of my siblings & their spouses as well as their attorneys. It’s so painful.

@trainerkarin1

2 жыл бұрын

YES

@bkh5648

2 жыл бұрын

I’m right there with you. Somehow I have not been able to let go of the pain. So yeah. Gonna go shower and go on with my day. Sending ❤️

@shamukek4805

2 жыл бұрын

It has taken me over 5 years also..mine had me put in jail..said I hit him.. then filed restraining order.. was made homeless.. he filed Divorce..and I was Left with NOTHING.. got rid of all my belongings.even my toothbrush.. Evil

@ireneelizabeth4462

2 жыл бұрын

Yes, it's been 6 years. Watching Dr. C. has been so helpful. One day it will be behind me, little by little.

I've gone through this with narcissists in my family my entire life. I trust nobody.

@cultureal9544

2 жыл бұрын

The past is done. Set your boundary on who you are and trust yourself again

@oscarwilliamson6163

2 жыл бұрын

Karla britfeld,You deserve better

@spaideman7850

Жыл бұрын

i went thru the same with my old family, full or narcs, sociopath and psychopath. Luckily God pitied me and gave me a new trustworthy family which i had started with my wife. and i'm totally against narc attitude in my new family.

So true. I lost all my money helping my narcissist nephew and his wife. Zero gratitude, now they want me to make a will (my house) for their daughter who I'm not even allowed to see. Just hate them.

They complain that people betrayed them while doing that too. Stay away from these people because it gets worse trying to resolve it.

Two people seen my husband of 25+ years out to dinner with a woman, both said they looked too cozy to be acquaintance! When I confronted him he went into a full blown dramatic episode, threw himself on the floor like a 2 year old and had a insane temper tantrum!! OMG I was stunned!! He said I didn't trust him, never had and never will! I couldn't help laughing until my sides hurt because his tantrum and trying to turn the blame on me didn't work!! Every Narcissistic behavior you have talked about in every episode describes him to a T. 40 years of my life wasted with a complete idiot! I have had zero contact in over 2 years and I'm finally learning what peace is.

I pity them… they stand to loose so much of what is real

They break your trust in humanity. I've had 2 in my life. One opened a business in my name and ruined my credit. The 2nd just broke boundaries left and right so I went no contact. Then he stalked me!

Gus doesn't betray, he just gives unconditional love...

@SurvivingNarcissism

2 жыл бұрын

Spot on!

The first narcissist that ever entered my life was when I was 13 years old and became what I thought was my very best friend. I knew him about 3 years. Then he brazenly, coldly, calculatedly and quite unexpectedly betrayed me and left me shocked, stunned and hurt beyond anything I could have imagined or expected. I was instantly done with him, I had little choice but to go no contact forever. That was decades ago and I still consider going no contact with this person one of the best decisions I ever made. I think betrayal is built in to the narcissist. I've known a few in my time and they would all do it to one degree or another, and not bat an eye about it. Didn't bother them at all to do it.

My narc sister went after my best friend and slept with my ex husband. The other one hit me up for a $5k loan, signed a promissory note, had it motorized to say she's pay it back, and never bothered with it. My husband is going to sue her in small claims. Can't wait.

I am pretty sure Gus thinks he is just where he needs to be.. must be the blanket that has been misplaced ;-) Thank you for the soothing minutes in the company of you both

I love to see Gus he has peace. Beautiful to see him sleeping, shows to be a peaceful environment 😌

When I was iny 20's, my sib would come by my house to eat lunch. She left used napkins on my carpet, just like my home was trash. But if i visited her, she would grab my glass and wipe off the table before i was even finished drinking it. I just now realize how much she thought i was inferior, so much that she threw trash on my carpet.

@skinnyway

2 жыл бұрын

my family did the same - discarded me like garbage. the whole family.

@graveyardghost2603

2 жыл бұрын

@@skinnyway I'm sorry to hear that, Patty. Blessings 🙏

@uyoebyik

2 жыл бұрын

Same thing happened to me

@graveyardghost2603

2 жыл бұрын

@@uyoebyik 🙏🙏🙏

@uyoebyik

2 жыл бұрын

@@graveyardghost2603 I know exactly what you're talking about. My sister used the lid of my tea jar as an ashtray and stuffed more cigarette ends into the overflow hole of my bathroom sink. She threw a used tea bag at my kitchen wall in the general direction of the trash can leaving a stain all down the paintwork and put her feet, shoes and all up on my table while I was still eating. She didn't make me feel welcome in her home though

Here's my advice for those going through a narcissist apocalipse: every minute you doubt their behavior or their schemes, they win. Keep holding on Be strong Be a rock Show no fucking emotions or sincere thoughts.

I remember as a child my mother would tell me something she was planning and finish by saying that my stepfather must "never know". She betrayed us all in many ways and there was much secrecy and manipulation going on while she played the victim and "confided" in people. She found power in it somehow and the misery and grief she caused didn't seem to bother her. Heartless and without conscience, she always got what she wanted in a covert way.

After five years of dating, which started after ten years of being close friends, he proposed. We got married 2018, in spring 2019 I found out i was pregnant! We decided that although we were not financially in a great place, we could make it work. We were both working full time, the income was enough. We had an open conversation about it, he admitted he was afraid & excited to become a parent, so was I! I delivered our son fall 2019. He became jealous of the infant, I thought it was the lack of time together. The switch was flipped. He withdrew from helping in the home, and would lay in bed watching tv after work. I begged his family for help, "how do I wake him up??!" Husband told me that when I pleaded for him to lend a hand, I was "actually" being demeaning and critical, and to stop criticizing him. I remember literally being on my knees bawling, "no one else is helping because they think you are!! They think there are two of us taking care of the baby!" I tried to get through to my partner that he needed to participate in the household. I thought maybe he was depressed, but he refused any mental health support. He simply did not feel any sense of responsibility for his own mess, let alone the house he lived in, and also believed that when he was with his own son, I was using him as a "free sitter" and taking advantage. When I gave up hours at my own (higher paying!) job to watch the baby while he was at work, apparently that was totally different. In November 2020, I asked him for a divorce. He stacked the dish washer once, and that was his only response. I asked him to move out shortly after. I had to assert that my request for him to leave was not based on a mood, not based on a lie, numerous times. He never discussed it with me, but randomly when I asked for an update, he would say "oh I thought you changed your mind." He really pushed that until I put it in writing. He stopped bringing money into the home, wouldn't even buy his own food. Said he had to save up for an apartment. Police failed spectacularly and never spoke to me alone, each time they showed up, he would put his happy mask back on and say he was the victim. I would be frantic, terrified for my life and he was calm, so the officer would laugh with him over how hysterical wives can be and then leave my son and I alone with the monster; the local department was absolutely useless. I had to go straight to a judge. The judge said I should have had an order placed much sooner, which the local department had told me wasn't possible. Apparently, I didn't actually have to wait for him to lay hands on me to get the order, which is what the officers told me (in front of my husband- which gave him "permission" to become even more cruel bc he knew where the line was). By the time I was able to have him evicted, it was December 2021. He did not have a single cent saved, despite not buying his own food nor putting any into the household for well over six months. It took me two weeks to get the house straightened out, he TRASHED it before leaving. The level of his denial was mind blowing, world changing for me. I had never witnessed someone totally unable to grasp something like this. Made me really question and shift my understanding of the world and how we experience it. He insists another man must have "stolen" me from him, he cannot fathom that I would have wanted to leave him on my own, with how "good I had it." He really still believes I would have tolerated any behavior from him. He really believes that.

Right now, I am still adjusting to reality after seeing the truth. My life was a lie. Listening to your truthful insights are a comfort to me. You are so honest.

My family accuses me of being the betrayer because when I was a kid I reported my dad for abusing me. It's like it never occurred to anyone that him abusing me was him betraying me. My reporting him was simply me trying to protect myself from him further hurting me. To this day I'm still the pariah of my family for being "the one who betrayed the family". Because blood thicker than water and all that.

Yes, I have encountered a friend who wanted me to attend their high school reunion but would not go with me to mine. This person did not want to attend mine because they would not be the center of attention at mine, but at theirs would be the center of attention. This has been the case in many interactions. The person who said they loved me had little to no interest in what I was doing but expected me to jump right in with their desires, which I always did. Those who are self-absorbed expect a lot out of others but are not interested in being helpful to others. Also, this same person will not help if we are struggling with a heavy box, they have to be asked to help. Kind people jump right in to help someone struggling but the narcissist must be asked or they don't bother. If you ask them why they didn't help they say things like; "you didn't ask."

JUST TODAY, I had to go on a long walk & it occurred to me that I am incredibly GRATEFUL for the lengthy number of years I poured into the development of a narcissist who has fit the category of every video you have created here! I was so naive, for most of my life, believing in the inherent goodness of EVERY individual out there, but knowing this person THIS well, finding out about narcissism after an indescribable betrayal, I feel VERY LUCKY, thanks to you, learning that there are people like this "out there," so that I am prepared to avoid what the future could bring that would have been so much worse than this experience. We are all very fortunate that in your retirement (JUST found out about that in the video I watched before this one!) you decided to make these priceless videos available. I give you credit -- with my thanks -- for the realization that I hold nothing but wonderful feelings -- NOW -- about having gone through this. These were not the emotions I was going through at the time of the betrayal. I'm sure thousands of others have been comforted and healed through your great work. I cannot thank you enough.

Dr. Carter, you have helped me more than I can say, Thank You!! I think I'm going to live more like Guss, he has it all figured out.

@suejohnson3972

2 жыл бұрын

Mike I agree 🤗

Narcissists don't like others for who they are. They only like the things that others do for them.

@SurvivingNarcissism

2 жыл бұрын

Spot on.

@user-wz4bz2fn6s

3 ай бұрын

You said it. Completely right.

It’s not disillusioning it’s soul crushing! 14years a good wife and totally betrayed!

After being betrayed by my mother who I was caring for, I actually felt shoulder pain and a pain like I was literally stabbed in the back. I had to go no contact due to my pain. I also was triggered in to remembering childhood wounds that she had done to me as a child. I want peace and to let all of that go. I forgive her but don't understand why someone who says they love me would injure me like this.

@walkwithtruth

2 жыл бұрын

@@rltreasure Yes. I hope you feel better.

I am so grateful for your advice, empathy and expertise. You’ve helped me establish boundaries that keep me away from a destructive, entitled and grandiose narcissist. Greetings from Wales.

@SurvivingNarcissism

2 жыл бұрын

Thanks, Martin, and so pleased to be with you there in Wales!

I got tears the minute I read this title ! Super-trigger! 😫 I got betrayed so badly by a horrible narcissist coworker that I think it’s the one thing that keeps me destroyed to this day; unable to move forward and trust anyone! Betrayed by my narcissist father and husband too! I was lucky they didn’t get in on the betrayal of me together! Totally uncalled for! Hurt that’s hard to shake. 🤦‍♀️😫😢

This is all so confusing. Finally figured out I'm not the problem in my own family. Now I am finding very similar patterns in my husband family and I desperately want distance. I've been married almost 30 years. And now I'm just totally confused, lost and trying to determine what do I do next? I want growth, health, depth, meaning but I fear uncovering my own abusive family history has made me desperately want to avoid people who've shown patterns of my own narcissist. I can't tolerate the toxic patterns anymore.

@skinnyway

2 жыл бұрын

find a way out. get a job make some money do your own thing. Maybe he'll want to leave if you just start doing what you want and ignore him. many do after nothing but blank face. they feed on our facial emotions. keep your face blank & he will get tired of it. Just dont respond in the ways that you usually do that give him satisfaction.

@elhadjdiallo633

2 жыл бұрын

Like wise !!!!

@limitedtime5471

2 жыл бұрын

No contact can be a real relief

@houseplantnerd2872

2 жыл бұрын

@@skinnyway I've really done some deep life re evaluation in the last few years. I do feel it's time I look for outside perspective. I feel when I bring up concerns between us he wants to address them. I have had to distance from the abusive people in his family. I had to. I'm still getting my footing on all of this. Slow process.

When they betray,they are running away,going like a freight train.

@southerngal8034

2 жыл бұрын

Facts

It’s much worse if they’re your parent or both parents. Because not only that fact, but you will end up marrying a narcissist too. Only with time things can get clear to you - if you pay attention and realize your life matters too.

I had a really horrible betrayal, when my younger sister, made it so that at my mother's funeral, which she contrived with my mother a few years before to keep me out of the picture so much so that when I arrived with flowers for mums coffin, the attendants said only family can put flowers on the coffin, she made sure they did not know about me, it still hurts

That's why we have to be masters of preventing or avoiding it? I don't know, thwy remind me of that ACDC song TNT. They're walking, breathing time bombs with a fusion coil leak..

@sage9836

2 жыл бұрын

I am goint to mentally cue that one for a fun reminder next time I am.around a narc! Next time I hear myself thinking "But they're being so nice. . . ," I'll remember they're really 🎶🎸

May the liberation of all peoples struggling with the Demons of Relationships with malignant narsaists , Find themselves and ✌️ peace baby!

So true. I've been with a narcissist for twenty years and been patient. I finally understood what it all meant 10 years ago. I was a mess prior to that time. It took a while before I was able to somewhat understand. I am not myself in part because I lost my daughter some years ago. But to enter a relationship, which I hadn't a clue, because he hid who he truly was.....but then again, he doesn't know who is, .....I fell for it. I do feel bad for him because he was brought up in an unloving atmosphere. His father said their mother was incapable of decisions and her ways were rediculous, he drank profusely, and left them early on. He passes that emotional trauma on to me. I was brought up in a loving home...a wife that is always valued in the home, her input, and suggestions. My dad loved her about this. Anyways, I am happy because letting go of derogatory comments about me or what his flying monkeys spread......who are they! I have too many friends (I do not tell most) that i care about and they are encouraging to me to keep moving forward. I don't know if this makes any sense, but what he says to me now doesn't really matter. I'm like okie dokie, whatever........ I'm a much happier person! I have part of my life back, the other is with my daughter.......

@lisachapman6295

2 жыл бұрын

Totally get this the grey rock works when there are so few options and you are in the same house

Regaining self esteem was the easy part... moving on to someone else is the problem as I seem to be a magnet for these people despite having self respect and decent boundaries. They appear to be delightful and very right for me until it's too late and all the damage has occurred.

It's my experience that they work from a bottomless pit of betrayals. I lived 43.5 years of it from my husband, before that my parents and then those closest to me. Lately, I've made several attempts to explain it the way you have Dr. C. As I recall, you gave the example of humans having two natures within us, good and evil. Whichever one we feed grows and the other diminishes. Did I get that right? It concerns me to watch those I love feed the evil one.

@1010QUEEN7

2 жыл бұрын

Bottomless pit of lies WOW that's it 🎯🎯🎯

@dawnbailey1132

2 жыл бұрын

@@1010QUEEN7 you must have lived it too. I've come to believe that only those who've experienced the pain truly understand.

I have been married for 14 years to a covert narcissist. I am in therapy and have gone total non contact. One of the last things my husband said to me on the phone prior to me going no contact was "you don't think I care." "Easy for you to say." Notice how he tried to put it all back onto me. Is not taking any responsibility for himself, his actions, his lack of following through and I now know he never will. Always had excuses for everything. It has been like living with a stranger all these years. Now that i am clear headed, my gut feeling is he may have had a secret life for possibly 5 years. Definitely the past 6 months with his very odd behavior and ghosting me. So I am divorcing him and his toxicity. My anxiety, lack of focus, depression, exhaustion and body aches are gone. My self confidence, genuineness and creativity are flourishing. My therapist told me Welcome back. Indeed! Here is to a fabulous New Year 2023!

I grew up with a narcissistic mother who used me as a punching bag and allowed to be a pedophiles play thing. Now I can see why she behaved like she did. Thank you for answering the questions I've had for years. My mother just simply didn't care about anything but herself.

@mandydandy8403

Жыл бұрын

I'm sorry that happened to you! What makes you say she allowed pedophiles around you?

@lms1068

Жыл бұрын

@@mandydandy8403 a pedophile lived in our neighborhood and liked girls my age. Mother discovered this, they became friends with the pedophiles family. As I was seen as competition for affection by my mother, she allowed the pedophile access to me. She witnessed it first hand and did nothing. I was expendable to her.

We love GUS. He fits perfectly with your philosophy in life. Love me love my dog. ❤️❤️ thanks Dr C for sharing your knowledge in what is fast becoming a world full of narcissists x

@SurvivingNarcissism

2 жыл бұрын

You are so kind, and I love Gus too!

you cannot be vulnerable either because I could literally see the satisfaction on his face when I was talking as he talllies up his twisted version of the facts as he put his own spin on everything I was saying storing it up to use against me later. there is no way a narcissist can actually love another person. their version of love is something I want nothing to do with. I became very irritated just being around him because every statement or question had alternative innuendo layden with accusations and it was as though he thought he was " catching" me doing something wrong but it finally occurred to me that he thought of me what was actually true of him, he was the liar, he was the cheater, he was the thief, he was the one who was capable of the things that he was accusing me of. and folks these things were like a character assault to me. I wanted so much for him to think good of me. I was at times very distraught and desperate to prove myself. after the divorce I started calling them how I saw them I would laugh at the insults, put downs, and cut downs, and put zero stock in the love bombing. I wondered how stupid does he think I am? tell me how much you love me and how perfect I am for him and blah blah blah. after acting like I was some kind of sleezy whore and insinuating comments about my character. PLEASE! looking back I'm so glad I'm not on trial anymore. oh and let's not forget the threats ..... he would tell me I better find somewhere to live because he wasn't paying the rent this happened for months, finally completely worn out with anxiety I found a job, I started paying the rent and he was watchingy kids and transporting me to and from work for 160$ a month in gas money..... my job is only 2.1 miles from home...... then he started telling me if I thought that was too much I could find my own ride, along with that he constantly threatened me that he would not take me to work, so a friend and coworker started taking me to work for 40$ a month. he became more infuriated as he lost more and more control, so then he told me to find my own babysitter, so I did..... this pissed him off even more. things progressed that way until he became very verbally and emotionally abusive to my kids which ended up in vicious fights in which he would say the most cruel things imaginable about my kids or parents or whatever he thought would inflict maximum pain. then he would get on the phone and pretend to call the cops on me and tell them I was crazy and out of control, so I called them for real it became like living in a nightmare or hell itself, finally though as I became more and more independent got a car and liscence and he got meaner and more bitter because he had lost leverage he became very abusive even more so and I could see that my kids and I were in terrible danger emotionally and psychologically he started threatening to kill my daughter's pet chickens and her cat. he ended up physically assaulting me one night and I got a protection order and filed for divorce I served him with divorce papers at the protection order hearing, and that night..... well let's just say the kids went out to feed the chickens the next morning and came running in crying mom mom they're all dead! they were shot to death in the middle of the night despite the protection order. if you are hanging in there hoping they really love u and that they will change, you are deceived. they don't care about anything or anyone. and the hate that you sometimes see, that IS their true feelings. RUN FAST AND FAR AND DO NOT LOOK BACK!

My ex triangulated about me to anyone who would listen. My ex took my young son and moved out with taking everything and filed for divorce. My ex locked me out of the house when angry. My ex was vengeful and believed he was always the victim. I got away from him with my two sons as soon as I could afford to. It was not soon enough- and I asked my son’s to forgive me for staying too long. I paid for therapy for both sons. I pray for God to forgive me for allowing my sons to be hurt by him. It haunts me every day. I thought he was borderline- but he fits narcissistic personality more. The damage and betrayal that they do is unbelievable. Thanks so much for your vlogs on this topic! 💯

@oscarwilliamson6163

2 жыл бұрын

LAB,I pray 🙏 that God will help you

Sins of omission. Yes. Half truths. These True lies are so painful to find out inadvertently. Or are there no coincidences in life…

They throw you under a bus every day.

I have learn enough it's all true about them..I was confirming it ...best advice for me stay way...

Absolutely there are good people in this world. I see that in you Dr. C and other KZread content providers. Thank you 🤔❤️🇺🇸

This kills me to hear out loud. Exactly what I’m going through now and have been for years

Again Dr C, great insights and tools to carry on this journey. And I really wanted to see Gus today. My Gracie died yesterday afternoon. My one way I survived an abusive narcissistic relationship: the love of my Golden Retriever, Gracie. Dogs never lie about love. Hugs to Gus!

@treelover1050

2 жыл бұрын

SO SORRY YOU LOST YOUR DOG.

They can’t sustain it. Trust me. It’s like…. “Come out, come out wherever you are”…. When rattled it will show. You just need to find the Achille’s heel. That said, you don’t want to take a narcissist on. If you do, be ready go hard and it’s not fun.

Let’s not pull punches. They enjoy betraying.

@SurvivingNarcissism

2 жыл бұрын

Sad but true.

I really appreciate your reminder not to be jaded as a result of a narcissistic relationship. I have said I will never get married again and have kept away from dating scene. I feel my boundaries need to be strengthened and solidified so I don’t end up where I was two years ago.

@oscarwilliamson6163

2 жыл бұрын

Diana Cargill,You deserve better.I pray that God will always be by your side

They want you to feel unworthy!! Sick behavior!!

@SurvivingNarcissism

2 жыл бұрын

It makes no sense, yet there it is.

This information has changed my outlook on life with the Narc. His attempts on me I can now look at at punishments he is hurting himself with and I don't even have to be in the same room with him. I no longer accept his comments as serious. I can actually see myself as a rock and his comments as water just flowing off me. Thank God and you, Dr. Carter for telling us the truth, what to watch for and how to not let it soak into my soul. It was also good for me to hear that the pain I still feel is normal and that I can cope with it and still have a really good life. Many, many thanks!

Thank you for saying that, Dr. C. There really are loyal, trustworthy people out here. It's just much harder to find each other because we are in the extreme minority in society.

This is my family. My family members display these characteristics in abundance. Even my own parents & grandparents. I went on to have phony friends and phony romantic partners with these traits as well. I encountered these types in the workplace and I even married one. You can imagine the hurt I felt when the mask dropped & the truth was revealed. I no longer try to have relationships with anyone anymore. I keep to myself now. I have learned my lesson. This seems to be much of today’s society anymore.

Again, put yourself first. Cut your loses and leave before your life is ruined. You have to tell yourself that you have value and you deserve to be at peace and have happiness.

My narc boyfriend would not take me to my High School Prom because he "didn't know anyone".... he was 2 years older than me an recently moved from California to Texas..... so I didn't go to my Prom. He was so selfish! Now I understand he was just disrespecting me. He denied me a High School Prom memory. What a jerk.

They go into rage and deny if you catch them.