The near implosion of our group after our last conversation was the basis for the article 'The Six Phases Leading Up To Estrangement' (below) is the inspiration behind our current discussion.
This roundtable refers to our last topic of conversation, which tackled "The Top 6 Reasons Adult Children Cut Off Their Parents" • February 2024 Full Epi...
Our topics can be difficult, as they are not rehearsed or discussed before our meeting and often mirror the complexities of our own lives and perhaps our personal wounding.
Our last conversation, in particular, was challenging, pushing many of our emotional buttons. We all left the discussion with a sense of uncertainty about the future of our Multi-Generational Roundtable.
As we come together to discuss what happened last time, we reaffirm the value (and necessity) of communication: sharing openly, deeply listening, and seeking to understand. This open communication is becoming the bedrock of our group and perhaps shows all of us the path forward when faced with stressed multi-generational dynamics, providing a path forward with hope and understanding in times of uncertainty.
THE SIX PHASES LEADING UP TO ESTRANGEMENT
Estrangement, particularly in the context of family relationships, is a common experience that often doesn't happen suddenly. It's typically a process that unfolds over time. Here are some typical phases that can lead up to estrangement:
#1: Conflict or Disagreement: This phase often begins with disagreements, misunderstandings, or disputes between family members. It could be anything from differing values or beliefs to major life decisions.
#2: Communication Breakdown: As the conflict escalates or persists, communication between the parties may break down. Conversations become strained, emotions run high, and attempts to resolve the issue may be unsuccessful.
#3: Distance: As communication becomes more complex or contentious, family members may begin to create emotional or physical distance from one another. This could involve avoiding contact, spending less time together, or withdrawing emotionally.
#4: Resentment and Hurt: Over time, unresolved issues and ongoing conflict can lead to feelings of resentment, hurt, or betrayal. These emotions can deepen as communication continues to deteriorate and the rift between family members widens.
#5: Attempts at Reconciliation: Despite the distance and hurt feelings, there may still be attempts at reconciliation. Family members may patch things up through direct communication, mediation, or involving other family members or friends as intermediaries.
#6: Failed Reconciliation: Unfortunately, attempts at reconciliation may fail for various reasons. The underlying issues may be too deeply ingrained, communication barriers may remain insurmountable, or one or both parties may need a more genuine willingness to reconcile.
(#7 for consideration): Acceptance of Estrangement: Eventually, one or both parties may accept that the relationship has become irreparable. This acceptance can lead to a decision to formally or informally estrange themselves from the other party, cutting off contact or significantly reducing interactions. While this may seem like a negative outcome, it can also provide a sense of relief, freedom, and the opportunity for personal growth ultimately opening the door to an entirely new relationship. It's important to note that not all estrangements follow this exact progression, and every situation is unique.
Importantly, estrangement is not always permanent, and there is always a potential for families to reconcile after a period of separation to come together in the fullness of time with open minds and hearts. This potential for reconciliation should not be overlooked, as it can provide a glimmer of hope in even the most challenging of circumstances.
(by lisa morris)
/ estrangednetwork
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