As a wise man once said,,,, anger is a punishment we give ourselves for someone else's mistake

@NinjaOnANinja

11 ай бұрын

That man is clearly stupid because anger can also be what you need to handle a situation. TO rise to the level. To get your blood flowing and open you up for combat. The point is, it depends. The more smart you get, the more you realize that there is hardly a yes or no reason without a why. That is why the "wise man" is stupid.

@toddnelson6907

11 ай бұрын

OP thank you for your comment. It is exactly what I needed to hear about several life issues I have been dealing with. I just took a trip through my memories and realized I had known this very important lesson but forgotten its ideas. Have never heard the idea presented in the way you did.

@toddnelson6907

11 ай бұрын

@@NinjaOnANinja all wise people already know that they are themselves, in fact, stupid.

@SigmaINFJHeyokaEmpath

10 ай бұрын

That is a load of garbage. Anger and rage are built in to neutralize that which causes harm. Cowards just don't understand what actually is. They are controlled by their emotions which is the epitome of weakness. Ignorance doesn't come from emotions. It comes from ignorance.

@Shirlbw54

10 ай бұрын

Ignorance and stupidity are not the same things. Anger IS an emotion, so you just argued against yourself. One can control it. You just have to realize how stupid it is to get angry.

My career is the furthest thing from this man’s career but I always listen to him because he gives common sense reminders that everyone needs to hear.

@JoeXTheXJuggalo1

Жыл бұрын

Yup exactly. I'm going through a situation right now myself. I mow my sister's grass for money. I felt lazy after mowing her lawn and just left my mower over at her house because I was going to come back in a couple weeks to mow it again anyways and I didn't need it. My niece and her boyfriend are temporarily staying there. Well my niece's boyfriend decided a week after I cut the grass that he wanted to mow the grass again. I was upset that he did that but I let it slide but what ticked me off is that he basically blew out the carburetor on the mower and I have to replace it. I knew I was having a simple issues with the carburetor float but I could still easily start the mower if you done it a certain way. Well because he couldn't start the mower the normal way and didn't know how I do it his logic was to just drown the carburetor with starter fluid. Due to his actions it ruined the entire carburetor.

@trikelyfe6090

11 ай бұрын

what do you do?

@constitutionalli7522

9 ай бұрын

He's obviously a new hire at an air freshener company

The day I learned the difference between reacting and responding is the day I started on a path towards becoming a better person. I’m not yet where I want to be, but thank God I’m not the person I used to be.

@thomasschwarting5108

Жыл бұрын

I would say MOST of us can say that!!

@peterbell3667

9 ай бұрын

Excellent advice

I’ve always said “Never make a permanent decision based on a temporary emotion.”

@My-Pal-Hal

Ай бұрын

That's a tough one. Good general advice. But I just went through an emotional decision. And it was permanent. It wasn't done without evidence. But it was done for emotional reasons. ... many things are 😇🐕‍🦺🥰

Self awareness and control is quite literally the largest separating factor between rotting skeletons found by kids and a person with a story to tell.

@alexsmith7313

Жыл бұрын

I have never read any comment on any website anywhere near as profound as this. Very well put.

@MrBudPuphin

Жыл бұрын

I feel like you're the type of person who blames a rape on the victim due to the clothes they were wearing at the time.

@tortalicious1112

Жыл бұрын

@@MrBudPuphin I certainly don't think advising ppl not to get drunk alone while wearing skimpy clothes and saying they should stay aware of their surroundings is victim blaming-though a police department got in trouble for saying exactly that.

@tcmtech7515

Жыл бұрын

@@MrBudPuphin Self/situational awareness goes a long way in keeping bad things from happening in general. Being a clueless dolt that deliberately puts one's self in harm's way is not the fault of anyone else but themselves.

@tcmtech7515

Жыл бұрын

@@tortalicious1112 It's like running around in heavy traffic and then blaming the driver of the vehicle that ran you over for your injuries. Basic sense says that playing on the highway in heavy traffic is a bad idea.

Never make a decision when you are not emotionally neutral. Both highs and lows will cause you to make decisions that are not best for you.

I was a very angry young man. Cost me a lot. At 40ish I learned that anger is a foolish emotion. Plus in certain situations being calm always piss's off the person trying to get you all worked up.

@TheBandit7613

Жыл бұрын

I won't give my emotions away for anyone to control. They are mine.

@mongojrttv

Жыл бұрын

This is soooooooo true.

@timothywalters23

Жыл бұрын

I wouldn't say anger is foolish altogether. It's just very difficult to use correctly, and should only be used when necessary. Which is in rare situations.

@cynthiasavage120

Жыл бұрын

My anger is not for anyone else's enjoyment, or to be used as a stereotype, or even a see I told you so thing. You are simply not allowed to make me angry. The harder you try, the more I enjoy your frustrated circle turning. Carry on...

@publicguy1664

Жыл бұрын

There are things to be justifiably angry about. Like wealth inequality, lack of universal healthcare, all kinds of other social injustices.

A motto I learned to live by at an early age is that "If it won't matter in 5 years, don't let it bother you for more than 5 minutes". It has become second nature at this point and allows me to deal with any situation calm and rationally

@thomasschwarting5108

Жыл бұрын

Sounds like a good rational!!

@AtrusOranis

Жыл бұрын

The problem is that high emotions highjack your rationality. It can actually be really be bad, where highly intelligent people go nuts because their emotions take hold and drive them to rationalize their behaviors.

@marti220

Жыл бұрын

Love this

@nolo1337

Жыл бұрын

@@AtrusOranis yeah been thier done that

When you're angry at someone you give them control of your emotions, your time, our thoughts...why do you want to give someone all of that when you're angry at that person? Realize that and your anger for the most part goes away...

@danbob1650

Жыл бұрын

Wisdom

@shotmagnet3224

Жыл бұрын

This is what I have taught my sons, also if you find yourself angry a lot at small things, go look for the big thing hiding in the corner.

@angejones2817

2 ай бұрын

Yeah, that’s my other saving grace. I feel like if I get angry around other people or at people I make myself vulnerable and I ain’t having that.

@PhreakyPhillip

2 ай бұрын

@@angejones2817 Exactly! My ex-wife loves to fight... she'd get pissed at something minor and a majority of the time she didn't have her facts straight...she knew she was in the wrong but she wouldn't stop fighting until I admitted I was wrong and I had to apologize... apologize for shit I didn't do or was wrong about it. These fights would go on for hours until I admitted defeat and kissed her ass! But one day I figured out her game she's been playing all these years. So whenever she started a fight with me I would right away say I was wrong and apologize...I wouldn't let her play her game so I would win...I was the one in control. Pretty stupid really...but it's how I stopped an abusive situation and stopped being vulnerable.

My Mother taught me this, “You can’t control what other people do or say, but you can control how you react and respond”. It took me along time to put this into practice and fully appreciate this life changing advice.

I'm a manager at a retail company and I am going to use what you have said to few of my employees. Thank you for posting this

@iHopeyoure0ffended

Жыл бұрын

Don't do that. It's a minimum wage, dead end, public service retail job, they're allowed to be angry.

@brendadouglas4868

Жыл бұрын

It may be all that and more. It is an income, a sense of self, a chance to socialize for many. Not everyone can sit behind a keyboard and make a paycheck. I’ve been there.​@@iHopeyoure0ffended

@asiamies9153

Жыл бұрын

@@iHopeyoure0ffended :DDDDD

As I've gotten older I have realized that anger makes you stupid, it's a terrible thing because you're filled with a feeling of regret when you calm down and wish you didn't do what you did. I used to let my emotions get the best of me all the time. I've quit plenty of jobs over it, I've almost ruined my life over it, your content is full of life advice that I'm sure a lot of people could use to help get through whatever is going on in their life. Keep up the good work James.

I’m a psychologist and 100% support this video. I’ve actually saved it to share with an older gentleman I’ve been working with. I’ve definitely learned to use my initial reaction to something as a trigger to the response that a rational me would respect. I refuse to let outside things have more control of me than I do.

Another great "James' Life Lessons 101" video. Anger has been my albatross all my life. I learned it from my father and was in my mid 30s before I started to learn how to control my anger. It's been 20 years, I'm much more effective at reacting in a rational and mature manner, but I'm still working on it. I've busted my hand twice, punching steel doors (guess I'm a slow learner), have quit multiple jobs on the spot, got fired from 1 job for it. That last one is what really put me on my anger recovery path. I have found that my anger is connected to narcissism, it was addictive, made me physically sick and was as destructive as the drugs I used to use. Thank you James for your teaching and mentoring. I could have used this video 25 or 30 years ago, but I was so dumb back then I probably wouldn't have listened.

@phastinemoon

Жыл бұрын

…the way I recall, the albatross was only a problem once they KILLED it. Yeah, I’ve read a poem, try not to faint.

@MBMCincy63

Жыл бұрын

Learning takes place only when the person is able to see a different choice than the one they fall on/use out of habit.

Anger makes people react without think things through, learning to manage it comes through maturity and experience.

When I went to church one of the sermons was about anger and in the sermon the preacher said “do not make important decisions when you are angry, hungry or sleepy because you cannot think as clearly” one of the few good pieces of advice from that place.

People are largely a protect of their environment. My father was angry much of the time. As a child I remember both being afraid of him for his reactions and also somewhat in awe as he would raise his voice at people in certain situations and they would seemingly jump to do what he wanted and it seemed like a good way to solve problems. It was not until much later as an adult that I realized how wrong and bad this was. How it affected every relationship and perhaps even interaction I had. Along with just who I was as a person when like mentioned in the video I was just so angry at some stranger in a car, or person on the other end of an annoying phone call. I made a lot of improvements and changes and really grew as a person. I thought I had mostly 'gotten over' anger. Then in my early 30s as a parent of a young child I start seeing those same reactions again. And worse the look on my 3-5 year old daughters face. And the horror at the thought that she may be having the same thoughts I had as a small child. "my dad doesn't love me or want me around". This literally made me weep with shame. I think about it everyday and continue to work on it. Ive also had some funny moments/humbling apologizing to my five year old for reacting poorly to her wrong behavior. But one of the best things I can do as a parent is become a better person in front of my child.

@tengonadacluewhatsgutsprec1419

Жыл бұрын

I didn't have the best childhood. My parents had a lot of kids and half of us have chosen not to be parents because we don't trust ourselves not to repeat the cycle. The half that did have kids, with the exception of one sibling, all think they're awful parents. But in truth they are amazing, constantly looking out for everything wrong they do and then explaining to their children how and why they messed up. I understand its hard to think of oneself as a good parent when aware of every little mistake made, but everyone screws things up now and again its what happens after that which matters. Unfortunately the one sibling who doesn't think they're an awful parent never questioned our childhood and so hasn't yet realized the cause and effects of life. You seem to understand that cause and effect well, plus youre on the lookout for mistakes being made; your little girl is very lucky to have you.

@rynohorn3819

Жыл бұрын

Yup being a good example is what all elders should try to do. Myself included. Isn't always easy but it's important

@jcluttrell

Жыл бұрын

I think we're the same person, well written my friend

The Stoic philosophers of the ancient times would say “Anger is brief insanity.” Same idea. One of the great parts of this channel is James’ ability to bring those Stoic ideas and lessons to today’s audience.

@kampar82

Жыл бұрын

Somehow dealing with people's crap every day or their cars will either turn you barking mad or a philosopher.

Have I made bad decisions because I was angry/upset? Yes Have I learned to control my emotions to make better decisions? No Instead I wait until I calm down before I decide how to handle a situation. It took me many years to figure this out. I might be a little slow but at least I'm making progress.

Holy shit, thank you James. I have always struggled with anger management, and this resonated with me. I'm going to do my best to remember this as long as I live. Thank you.

@xerowolf4242

Жыл бұрын

from someone who has trained themselves to think when they are angry, you definitely need to practice. it takes time but once you force yourself to remember to take a deep breath and start thinking instead of acting every time you get angry, it gets easier and easier every time you do it until you don't need to remember anymore. it just happens.

@MonkeyJedi99

Жыл бұрын

When I was young, I dealt with anger by leaving the situation that I was angry with. Sometimes I also had to and apply kinetic energy to objects, whether it was smashing aluminum can (we lived in a state that did not have a soda container deposit) or hammering nails out of recycled lumber or smashing rocks together or something like that. When I was around 20 I read a very influential book regarding anger. It was Dragons of Autumn Twilight, the first book int he Dragonlance series. The influential part was the character Tasslehoff, whose major contribution to combats was often making the foes so angry they acted stupidly. They would charge blindly into traps, or not fight defensively, leave a fortified position to stomp the loudmouth little character, and so on. My takeaway from that was that instead of ME getting angry, I would use other peoples' anger to "win" or at least gain advantage in a situation. - I take weird lessons from fiction, like how I use lessons from Tom Sawyer's travails in whitewashing a fence where he convinced friends who passed by to "help" him and they ended up doing the work while he did nothing. I used that lesson a lot during my time in the military and later working in retail.

@crweirdo8961

Жыл бұрын

​@@MonkeyJedi99your username is insanely accurate 🤣 thank you for the dragonlance nostalgia ❤

I continue to struggle to not act like a gorilla that got punched in the face... I take pride in my work, and the companies that I work for.... so when I see others making, what I feel are, stupid decisions, or not doing the right thing it bothers me. Thank you for this video. It really hit home for me, and it is something that I wish someone would have told me years ago.

@prjndigo

Жыл бұрын

check your diet for things that may be constantly grinding inside you... not joking.

@iHopeyoure0ffended

Жыл бұрын

But are we gonna be able to remember this while we're getting angry? I spend my life right below the "snap" line I'm so close to losing my shit because of big shit in life, I'll let a small thing send me over the line. I doubt I'll be able to remember this, or practice this because I'm such an angry person on a regular

@rifter0x0000

Жыл бұрын

@@iHopeyoure0ffendedAnger is an addiction. I feel your pain. But it will destroy your life and health if you let it. It's fine to be upset or object, but you do want to try to calm these reactions. Letting go of a lot of stuff that's in the past or beyond your control helps. Meditation also helps, as does deep breathing, listening to calming music, or just counting even. With practice you can remember to try things like this in the moment. Remember the assh*les in your life will take advantage of your mental state and will enjoy making you angry. So you can always use the energy you get from the anger to push yourself to these techniques. In other words your determination not to let your adversaries win or control you can help you choose to go back on that path.

@rickraber1249

Жыл бұрын

@@iHopeyoure0ffended Maybe do what James said - practice taking a few deep breaths. Count to 5. Then 10. We have 2 daughters. One was (is) a strong-willed kid who LOVED to aggravate her sister, who was easy to bug. My husband (I'm Mrs. Rick), finally sat her down and told her that the way she reacted to her sister was like a TV set - and she was giving her big sister the remote. The older one would push a button, and the younger one would react - big time. This entertained the older one immensely. I was the same way, but I've learned, and life is a whole lot easier now. I can watch the other person do something that ticks me off, and insteat of getting all bent, I merely watch them, decide how to respond, and generally come out with a lot lower blood pressure. In a lot of situations, all you can control is your reaction. Good luck.

@klh_io

Жыл бұрын

Well here is the comment I was going to write :D

As a husband, father, and small business owner myself, I’ve made plenty of stupid mistakes. From simple ones like not buying a house in San Jose, California back in 1989 when I got recruited by a small tech company and moved there, to super-colossal ones like purposely ignoring or mistrusting my wife’s wisdom and advice which cost our family millions in lost opportunities. (It’s possible to be both brilliant and stupid at the same time! Intelligence and wisdom are not the same not opposites, they are perpendicular axes of each other.) But I’ve always had self-control, and as a neuro-atypical nerd, even in third grade I was both praised for it by teachers and bullied for it by peers. As a gruff, straight-shooting (much like yourself) long-time customer used to frequently observe. “You just can’t fix ‘stupid’!”

Thanks for this life lesson; it really hits home. I have struggled with anger all my life, and done many stupid things because of it, but it was most evident when dealing with my children. I never struck them, having been traumatized by that as a child, but would often slam or punch doors, sometimes to the point of serious damage. I distinctly remember one day when my oldest son (whom we later discovered to be high-functioning autistic) had given me "attitude" and I responded by slamming a thick dowel against the stair handrail so that he would know how angry I was. The sound echoed through the house and my wife came running to see what was the matter, which was bad enough -- but the look on my son's face totally shook me. He was terrified ... of me. In the same way I had been terrified of my father. And from that day, I swore never to approach my children when angry. I took great pains after that to allow a cooling-down period before confronting them with whatever they had done, sometimes to the point of leaving the house and taking a drive; and always, always, always approaching them with a calm, loving voice so that they would know I'm in control of my emotions (mostly). This has worked wonderfully. Now that they are all adults, we have a wonderful relationship and I feel extremely grateful that they hold no resentment against me.

My son struggles with anger and has been told by a doctor that he has ODD but we have been working with him to control his anger. I am saving this video for when he is old enough to work. Thank you.

@desireegoulett69

Жыл бұрын

Play it now....kids are perceptive beyond belief before they can even speak. Play, repeat, and yet again. By planting the seed early it will become a subconscious habit that will benefit him the rest of his life. And talk with him and explain it and create an imaginative way to parlay the information to enhance the comprehension.

If only more businesses had owners like yourself and or hired more wise supervisors like you. The work place would be such a better place. Keep it up !🇺🇸

This one hit close to home. I'm 40 years old. I was diagnosed with bipolar when I was a teenager. I always had an anger issue growing up. But because of the bipolar, it isn't just anger. One of my symptoms is rage. And many, many times, it was a blackout rage. I usually remember what triggered it, but once it passed a certain point, memory stopped storing info. The wheel was turning but the hamster ran away. I would break things, punch and throw things, cuss and yell and in the end, I would have zero memory of any of it other than the beginning, and sometimes even that was fuzzy. Now this rage still exists within me, but at 40 years old, I've had lots of time to learn what might trigger it, I'm much more aware when it's ugly head is peaking, and I'm able to subdue it. 100% of the time it requires me to initially step away from whatever situation is making it happen. Once I have a grip, I have to decide if it's a situation I need closure for or something I need to complete, or if I can just move on with my life and forget about it. 95% of the time it's a non issue. The old saying, "sometimes you have to choose your battles" is relevant here. Did I really just get that mad because someone disagreed with me, or because they called me a liar despite my physical, visual proof of truth? This example comes from a recent incident, and those are the specific thoughts I had to process at the time. Sometimes we have to fight to gain and/or maintain control of our reactions. But we do have the capability programed into our DNA. Some of us have to work harder than others, but it can be done. I went through 2 anger management classes about 25ish years ago (not 2 sessions- 2 classes, one was a 10 week session once a week, the other was 6 weekly sessions). That wasn't enough. I have also been to multiple therapists over the years, been on and off meds for the bipolar, even had to learn, as an adult and through therapy, the difference between assertive and aggressive. To me they feel identical. Obviously passive aggressive is it's own thing. But what I should have learned growing up, I did not learn. And it caused me a lot of problems for many several years.

@RalphSampson...

Жыл бұрын

Don't get bent here but, I don't think "ugly head is 'peaking'..." is the word you meant. Peaking means to physically reach the peak, as of a mountain. Peeking is wrong, too. That would mean you were peering into or over something. I believe the proper word should be piquing. This is where you gain higher interest. I guess the ugly head could be physically reaching a plateau, thereby, peaking. A bit of a quandary, huh? Peaking vs Peeking, vs Piquing Peak, peek, or pique.

@a.humanbeing8171

Жыл бұрын

You aren't alone. People seem to believe everyone is just like they are, but some folks begin with a shorter fuse and more tnt so that when they blow, it's a bigger explosion. I have battled a bad temper all my life as well. When I feel myself getting mad, I try to as myself if the issue is something I'll even remember in 10 years. Having five decades and then some below my belt and a very bad memory, usually the answer is no. I'm also chronically ill, so many issues and situations simply ate not worth my limited energy. Many people never have the self awareness you have. You are already stronger for your struggles. I wish you all the best.

@a.humanbeing8171

Жыл бұрын

You aren't alone. People seem to believe everyone is just like they are, but some folks begin with a shorter fuse and more tnt so that when they blow, it's a bigger explosion. I have battled a bad temper all my life as well. When I feel myself getting mad, I try to as myself if the issue is something I'll even remember in 10 years. Having five decades and then some below my belt and a very bad memory, usually the answer is no. I'm also chronically ill, so many issues and situations simply ate not worth my limited energy. Many people never have the self awareness you have. You are already stronger for your struggles. I wish you all the best.

@t-and-p

Жыл бұрын

Firstly, I congratulate you for taking a condition you were born with and refusing to let it control your life. I also congratulate you for not giving up when the first course didn't work, and for keeping at it until you found what worked for you. You mention that you wish you'd received advice and guidance earlier in life. There are a lot of kids out there right now, with a new diagnosis, starting the journey you have been on. Would you consider talking to them? If so, I think you could really make a difference - which, in turn, could also give you some closure because you will have solved the issue of early advice for others that you yourself faced. Dependent on your area, you might be able to arrange it via a local school, police department, or youth service. You could do it in a format you're comfortable with - could be a talk or you could write out your experience and advice, much like you've done here. Whatever works for you. Worth a thought 💕 Wishing you all the best 👍

@JakeWitmer

Жыл бұрын

​@@RalphSampson...Nope. Peeking is correct in the prior situation, as per the popular expression.

Years ago i s working in a pizza joint, and this guy came to work with us. Bit of a flower child, he was, but one night we were mopping up and talking, and he gave me the same advice that you did at the end of this video. Literally word for word the same quote, " Noone else can make you angry, only you can allow yourself to become angry." Changed my life. I hope your message reaches people and changes theirs as well, because it's an amazingly effective message.

Man, I manage healthcare but your vids like this apply. The hardest thing is staying calm with irrationally angry employees. They are supposed to be people you can trust and count on. Spot on bro

#1: Everybody makes stupid decisions when angry. I was extremely angry at my ex when I caught him driving around with his mistress, instead of taking care of his dying father. I acted on that anger and instead of going home and packing my bags, I proceeded to punch the door mirror of his truck 4 times. Resulting in 3 fingers badly cut and needing stitches. #2: I have learned to take a step back and wait and give some time to think and be alone, reflecting on the emotional situation, then taking it head on in a more logical way resulting in conversation or just informing my decision rather than acting straight from emotions alone. With taking that step back, I learned to think ahead and patience in life brings about less drama and fewer problems further down the road.

If you can stay calm while the other guy is loosing it, you're halfway to convincing anyone looking you've got super powers.

What I’ve learned more than anything, when I’m really angry is to do nothing. Better to wait until I’ve had time to cool down, than say what I will say and mean when I’m angry.

Well said! The moral of the story is spot on. I've reacted to frustration and regretted it. When I get angry now, I try to think about why whatever is making me angry, does. I often walk away until I calm down. Works better and does not do damage.

The only really stupid thing Ive done that makes me angry is when I forget Ive turned the volume up to 90% on my speakers after I've watched a James Butler video.

Anger definitely makes you stupid and stress is usually what puts you on the edge of anger so start look at what's stressing you out and work on that. I had a rough last 6 months and the stress was effecting everything else it made me more mad when people cut me off in traffic and more snappy at the end of the day when I started getting worn out. I'm working on it but life is hard and learning how to tune out automatic thoughts while I drive has really helped me out! Find a music or book or a local talk show you can get into on your drive to work it will surprise you how much it can make your day better if you can stop your brain from making you mad on your commute to work 😊hope everyone is doing well out there this was a great video bud!

@Airdaman1

Жыл бұрын

This is exactly right.

Yes, I have made stupid decisions while angry. The worst was pushing a table at my then 6 year old daughter. The look of fear on her face said it all. That's when I really started to dig into emotional intelligence. I've came a long way since then.

Yes to being an impulsive self centered youth. 27 years old I had my first child and my brain did a weird thing. It somehow evolved overnight. 18 years later...Really enjoy your content and I think that it would be nice to work for a driven, logically thinking man like yourself. ✌from Alberta 🇨🇦.

One thing I really value about the counseling I received for my depression and anxiety is that it gave me tools to reflect, rather than just react. It's the difference between a life of learning and a life of pain.

As an old retired working dog i must say there is a lot you young bucks can learn from this guy. My last job of loading over the road trucks with quarry products really was a test of my temper. I enjoy his posts.

I definitely am better at controlling my emotions then when I was younger, but every once in awhile it gets close to the edge. Something I'll probably always work on. I have learned to identify situations ahead of time that seem likely to fire me up and when possible I'll take steps to avoid/minimize a negative outcome. Your videos like this are gold for counseling. While working with a professional counselor is the right choice when it's needed, watching your videos can teach someone a lot.

As a teacher I have had that discussion many times, so sad people still need it as adults.😢

I have a similar conversation with students a couple of times a year…I use the premise that all people experience a myriad of emotions, but as humans we get to choose how we react to how we feel. Great video…a good lesson to learn and hopefully learn earlier rather than later!

Been trying to get my boys to understand this concept for years, hope they get it as they get older. Controlling ones emotions especially for the male population is so very important.

@jodemit655

Жыл бұрын

Never give up on trying to get them to understand that concept! Impart this bit of experience to them not to be hard on them but to teach them a life at face value lesson. I've lived and worked on both sides of this marble we live on. I learned that lesson many years ago but have been unfortunate to see others who have not. I have personally witnessed way too many people lose their lives due to the fact that they made bad choices while angry. Sometimes hard lessons must bet taught by hard examples. Never give up!

@Carterironworks

Жыл бұрын

@@jodemit655 thankfully I don't give up. Ever.

Anger *does* make us stupid. #Facts!

Very good advice. My father was a big man and his strategy was to physically intimidate people and was quick to anger. Naturally, I learned this as a life strategy but soon noticed, it usually had the opposite effect. It has taken me a life time to relearn that kindness works way better. Anger feels good and is addictive. When you are angry, you are very easy to manipulate. It works so well that one of our political parties uses it to fire up their base. Then it can manipulate them into believing anything and allow them to cling to power while only being negative and never really offering solutions. If you control your anger, you can usually win by being smarter. I wish I learned this as a young man.

@vangildermichael1767

Жыл бұрын

That sounds like something (Sun Tzu) would have said. If you are having those kind of "thinks" on your own. Well done. If I confuse your thoughts with (Sun Tzu) strategies. That is a pretty big complement. He was a military strategies that, really, made things happen. He was back 6 bc. And people still study his strategies (The art of war), even to this day (2000 years later). And, you, figured out some of them on your own. cheerio, cheerio

Yes anger has made me stupid an indescribable amount of instances. One previously ongoing behavior, now since corrected, is getting into bar fights. I had a woman who helped on the road to curtailing my anger and learning how to not be so dumb by getting angry over things I cannot control. Great video.

This is actually something I learned when I was in my 20s. You can control one thing in this life and that is how you react to things, both physically and emotionally. There is a quote that I live my life by. He who takes offense where no offense is intended is a fool, he who takes offense where offense is intended is a grater fool. I had some anger issues through my adolescent years but sense taking accountability for my emotions and reactions have almost never become angry since. It has made dealing with life's curve balls so much easier.

I would word that summary slightly differently, and more encompassingly. "Do not make decisions when you are emotionally compromised/feeling strongly" anger isnt the only one that can throw ur brain outta whack

James, you consistently exhibit life wisdom, good decisions, and clear communication. You also tell great stories 🤣.

This channel is fantastic! Nailed it, I've made some poor choices when I was angry. Anger is like quicksand, the more you squirm and fight, the deeper it sucks you in. I find myself taking a lot of walks like you suggested. It helps. To those out there like me still working on this: it's really hard. Don't give up, you won't always see the results right away. I still screw up but it's okay, Rome wasn't built in a day. I keep at it.

@scots_knight4706

Жыл бұрын

Hope things get better for you 👍 Your quicksand theory is good, I'm a very calm person now but got worked up much easier when I was younger. Often if you feel your spitting mad counting to ten and walking away is the best, quite often things aren't so bad when you've calmed down. Good luck 👍

@jeromyschulz-arnold2632

Жыл бұрын

@@scots_knight4706 Thank you. 😊

@VMM34

Жыл бұрын

At least you don't sound like the fawning doormats in the rest of the comments

Man, you sure you ain't a shrink? Cause this is spot on. I hope this friend sees this. Quiting from James is lethal.

Nail on the head with that one. Told a new guy something similar a few years ago when some BS happened that needlessly increased the difficulty of the work being done. "I'm never angry, annoyed at most. Anger is a useless emotion that clouds your judgment. " At first, the guy was flabbergasted by the concept, but he took it to heart, and has be much happier since.

Poor guy. He's his worst enemy. Even when he understood the lesson, he still couldn't implement it.

Clear, simple, logical advice for any employee or manager for that matter. Common sense always prevails.

@desireegoulett69

Жыл бұрын

Unless you're MAGA and morally bankrupt then common sense went by the wayside too.

Wow james what a great video. I love the perspective and advice you imparted. I myself am one of those short fuse kind of people that gets annoyed/angry easily but your comment of "people dont make you angry, you allow yourself to become angry" hits deep. Definitely thinking im done with that old way and starting anew today. Thanks for the video!

Being calm when someone is getting in my face is my superpower. For some reason when some one else is angry the calmer you are the angrier they get.

I’m 70 years old, and that’s the best advice I’ve heard. Thanks Steve.

Thank you for making videos like this one. You seem like a rockstar leader for your company.

There is one interesting aspect. Once you learn to control your anger enough, using anger as a threat becomes a bit less effective because you are unable to get angry very quickly, and instead need some time to convincing yourself to get angry. Its quite interesting because you can feel anger so much more clearly as you contiously feel it slowly overtake you. And same if you watch it with someone else, their face very slowly turns to rage. It's quite interesting.

My career is so far removed from septic work, but without a doubt every time I see a video posted by James, I know ita going to be something thats either going to impart valuable information, put a smile on my dial, or both. Thank you for sharing these things with us. I really enjoy and appreciate your content.

You did it right James. Attitude is half of the company. You represent everybody in the company when you show up. You either make everybody look worse, you make everybody look better, or you make yourself look worse. Be the face of what looks good for everyone.... And keep your job and go home happy.

I have made a couple of mistakes in my life. I don’t necessarily feel like coming into detail about them here but over my life I have most definitely learn to control my anger and I control my reaction to things being that I’m visually impaired. I cannot make rash decisions otherwise myself or someone around we could get hurt it has happened and I have learned from it.

First- thanks for all the videos super motivational for being a positive leader and hearing what you have to deal with. Also small story about my life I'm 42 have dealt with making poor decisions from 16 until 25 then i went to prison for selling weed figured out there was more to life got out at 28 and changed completely...the prison handed me 100$ check let me go and and that day after I knew I needed more...now fast forward I'm 42 been married for 11 years have a beautiful daughter that's 9 and now the kitchen manager for a mom and pops restaurant in Hot Springs AR. Things are a lot easier to understand when you slow down and make rational decisions. Don't let anger build you it will make you clouded with irrational thoughts. Thank you. Have a good day.😎👍

I absolutely love these little one-on-one chats. This man has a lot of insight, and you young people should listen to that.

I think of the parable of the two drivers in the same traffic jam. One is incensed and totally pissed off. The other is calm and listens to the radio. Same traffic jam. If I could MAKE someone do anything, it wouldn't be to make them mad. Thanks James.

Yes I've reacted badly, many times. Finally learnt in early 30's - slow learner on that one but I thank the universe sending me my youngest because her having autism mafe me completely re-evaluate everything about myself. I know now that I would never trade my serene pillow time for anyone unless it's very close family friend 💜

Yes a couple times i was 18 and lived in the woods for about 6 months cuz i was pissed at my parents. Yes cancer made me realize how dumb anger makes you and at 32 i have gained control over it.

1: Ofc we have all made bad decisions when angry. 2: I have learned to walk away and cool off. Specially before when as a manager i used to get in arguments with the boss. We learned to walk away and then have breakfast and talk the day after. Everything whent so much better after that.

I've definitely been stupid and quit out of anger before. I also gave myself time to process what was happening at a job and still came to the conclusion that leaving the job was the best choice for me. The one that scared my friend and the manager at a job most was when I got extremely angry after dealing with a couple shitty people and nobody doing anything about my concerns. I just finished the last couple hours of my shift, clocked, and notified the shitty manager by just saying "I quit" nice and calmly before leaving. The next day they wanted to talk to me and based off the over a month of interactions with this shitty manager I assumed he was trying to get one last chance to belittle me and tell me off, so I refused to meet with the management team. They hadn't done anything to this point to remedy anything and matters had been getting worse by the day. I decided it was time I completely shut them out of my life. I'm at a different job now and much happier. Definitely was the right choice, not necessarily done in the right way though.

I have more regrets than i care to say but being a former alcoholic will do that getting sober was the hardest thing ive ever done now im just trying to put my life back together and i learned to just accept things no matter how much it hurts because there's nothing else you can do..

@richspillman4191

Жыл бұрын

It gets better and easier as time goes by. 25 years for me and no meetings, I just decided to quit and never drink again. I found that there were many people that didn't like the fact that I had quit because they had lost that advantage of me being impaired and didn't make poor decisions as often.

@Darth_Boons

Жыл бұрын

@@richspillman4191 yea I had bad depression from health issues and that was what made me start drinking and then people telling me I was a crazy piece of shit kept it going had me believing it too I look back now and it feels like I'm remembering someone else's life it's insane what people can make you think when you are depressed and physically/mentally exhausted

@richspillman4191

Жыл бұрын

@@Darth_Boons It is very empowering once you see it really isn't all you, everyone has their own part to play. Good luck, you can do it.

#1. Yes Several times #2. Yes, I’ve learned the hard way enough times to try more to control my emotions and not make decisions when I’m mad or irritated.

anger doesnt make you stupid, you were already stupid. Acting in anger just shines a spotlight on it.

Good mornin y'all! I've definitely made some stupid decisions and thankfully have learned to better handle my reaction. I used to be very reactionary, once something happened I needed to react to it immediately. After a while I learned this was not good and was ultimately causing a lot of stress to myself and I gathered an 'it is what it is' approach. I dont get mad at traffic, I dont get mad at things I cannot actively resolve myself. I also try to look at the positive side of things now; everything has two sides. While traffic may be frustrating and I'm running late, I also get to be in a vehicle with AC and listening to music longer than normal. I used to get heavily invested in online conversations when someone else was wrong. I would constantly be on reddit or youtube in the comments having heated 'discussions' about topics and now I have happily gotten to the point that I ask myself, do I actually want a reply? If not, I remove whatever I wrote and just don't bother. There are times I do, but I'd say my comment ratio has dropped ~90% from what it was a year ago. As I'm getting older I'm realizing there are battles just not worth fighting. Why cry over spilled milk, just pour yourself a new glass and continue on.

Sounds like he never learned to process his emotions. Secondly when people hear something that challenges their identity or core beliefs, it doesn't even register in their conscious mind - it triggers the amygdala with a fight or flight response. I've learned to discipline myself to sit and listen when I'm triggered like this because I understand this is a time to learn and 99% of people will react and not be able to control themselves in these situations It's not binary of course - for some people they can control their emotions on one level but not at another, so it's definitely a skill one can learn.

@cruzinsweetsntreats

Жыл бұрын

By the late phone call, it sounded like he had started to understand it. Hopefully being able to control it on the next job offer.

In the words of Dr Sam Beckett....ooooooh boy. I've had some doozies. I am currently half gorilla/half reasonable man. I have been trying to control my anger for years, with little success until I found your channel. You have great advice that has really helped me. So thank you for the amazing content. It has helped this recovering rage junkie more than I care to admit. You da man.

This is absolute truth. Ever been so angry that you start to stutter?

My dad had the same conversation with me but it went a little differently. He said "son, you can't lose your temper. It feels good to lose you temper, lash out, smash things and blow off steam but nothing good will ever come of it. People will lose respect for you, you will do stupid things and you will hurt people that love you." Later in life I learned that his dad, my grandfather, who I loved very much had a nasty temper. My dad bore the brunt of his rage and he swore he would never do that to his kids. I saw my dad really visibly angry twice in his long life. He was so furious that he used the word "hell" and my sister and I were in shock at his display of anger.

Man, I'm gonna be 30 in less than 20 days... And you taught me more in your videos than my own father in a lifetime. Watching your videos for only couple of weeks ... So yeah ... Learning more from a stranger across the ocean in a different continent than from my own father😢 Wish I could work for you, but I already know I'm not cut(at least how I am now) to do that. Planning to learn how to be an electrician and in couple years time maybe I'll get work visa in US. That's my dream at the moment. That, or be a lorry (semi) driver. Thanks for your videos

This man is something else. I appreciate all of your material

I really needed that after this Monday! Good talk! Ty sir.

I have never heard it put so well. I've struggled with anger the last few years or so as my marriage at the time was extremely rocky, and now that it has ended, my ex has seemingly made life very difficult for me. My father, who has been a city cop for over two decades gave me very similar advice. He told me, "no matter how angry you are, whether that anger is validated or not, you cannot let it control you." He proceeded to give me examples of the people he deals with every day and the consequences they face from their actions when they act out like the animals you described. He went on further to mention, as did you, that it is very natural to feel that anger, especially when you are in a negative environment or have many negative influences around you. But, at the same time you have to learn to have discipline and self control. I hold my father in very high regard, and hearing you repeat the same wisdom, just in slightly different words shows me the kind of man you are. Thank you for your content. Thank you for sharing your knowledge and wisdom with the world. I hope one day to teach my son, both by word and example, to be a strong, wise, and well-disciplined man like you and my father. Thank you, James.

The advice I’ve heard is similar. Don’t let something live in your head rent free. To me that’s kind of like don’t sweat the small stuff. And what James is saying here don’t let things beyond your control anger you. It was one of the most powerful lessons i was ever given. Today I may have a knee jerk reaction to a situation but usually I catch myself and I take a breath and relax. Awesome advice!

I really needed to hear this. Thank you

James, you have such great insights. Great listening to you.

Thank you for all your help.

What a series of good advice in this channel! Thanks!

100% James, there are people who go through their entire lives with their head up their arse. All the best mate. JD

As a 23 year old, I had the exact same reaction to traffic and the exact same conversation with my district manager, who happened to be visiting the office that morning. The difference was, I listened to him! This happened back in 1990. I realized that not letting things you have no control over, control you, tends to make for a better day. There’s enough stuff happening in life to contribute to your stress level. Why add needlessly to it? I also learned that responding to angry, loud, emotional people in a calm, quiet, non-emotional manner ultimately gave me the upper hand and invariably led to good outcomes from my perspective.

James, you just told me what I had to learn some 40 years ago. I started adulthood as that angry guy. Then a guy I as working with pointed out to me over our lunch break what was happening to me. He explained it in much the same terms. Now I respected this guy so I immediately started thinking about what he said. How when I got upset/angry it usurped my basic reasoning skills and dumbed me down. No matter how I looked at it or tried to make excuses for it, it always came back to my anger controlling me. I thanked him the next day and began to change my life. No more going off halfcocked, and making my life even more stressful and difficult. Oh it took me a few months to make some of the major changes but I did it. I thank Tony quite often to this day for the kind words to a young kid as he made my life so much better and me more capable of dealing with stress on a day to day basis. Oh occasionally there will still be something that gets me worked up but more often than not it is because I did something stupid. Now days though when faced with perturbing things I will shut down responses for a few moments and figure out that first it is just not worth getting upset over and divert myself into a more reasonable response. To people like you and my friend Tony I offer the thanks of the stupid angry person I was and the reasonable person I have become.

You really are a great speaker and I realize that I am just like that I let my anger take control of my thoughts and emotions.thank you.i needed to hear that you put it in a way I understand.once again thank you for your help

Man that is great advice I never quite thought of it that way and as a young person prone to anger myself I will try to keep it in mind

Been listening to your stories for awhile now and all I can say is great sound advice

Been told this many times by good people and leaders (including my parents) in my life. Still learning that lesson again and again in my life. Haven't gotten it right yet, though. Thank you that reminder, James. I'm going to share this video with some friends and othe people I know.

Yes I have and I have learned how to not let my anger get the best of me and try to calm and think about it

Omg, I watched this video at exactly the right moment! I was so angry when I sat down, I was taking a quick break before deciding what to do, and I felt like you were tAlking directly to me. I’m now very calm and even had a giggle. Sorry for the dude, but so glad I’ve learned to take my breaks before doing anything stupid. Keep up the great working giving sage advice.

Keep posting all this content. I love tuning in to this medium form content.

I Try to teach this to people ALL the time. Life happens rationalize your thoughts and emotions. Super Great Video!

Love this advice. Gonna try to incorporate it into the training I do. I have learned to always take a deep breath when frustrations start to take a toll. Prevented a few times that I would have kicked myself in the face.

Though it may seem basic, the advice that has been the biggest game changer for me when controlling behavior/anger, was: think before you talk/act

You are correct…emotional is not rational. Thank you very much for your wisdom.

I’m glad you took the time to share a really informative video. Totally makes sense. I had a experience that was similar. The employee always brought personal issues to work with him. Those problems made his performance at work dwindle to the point that he couldn’t perform his duties correctly. I wish I had the knowledge like you presented in this video before he quit. I just want to thank you for the time you spend sharing content with us. Keep up the amazing work.