"He wears a hoodie, and a trenchcoat, because he's a 14 year old who hasn't realized that they're a transgender lesbian." I feel attacked.

@discrot8568

2 жыл бұрын

Fuck, that line hit me.

@crumble_cat

2 жыл бұрын

@@discrot8568 Right? I wasn't even that edgy, I just thought they looked cool. The fact that I wanted to wear one in Florida should have been a clue that I was chasing some sort of fake "ideal" masculinity.

@seralyna_

2 жыл бұрын

@@crumble_cat I've heard almost this exact story but instead the idea was that trenchcoats are dress-adjacent

@dr.velious5411

2 жыл бұрын

@@seralyna_ I used to wear a silk trenchcoat under a heavy leather coat all the time, the effect was basically like having a coat with a dress skirt.

@ShutItKyle

2 жыл бұрын

Welp.

“my twin brother” iconic

@mwkcope

2 жыл бұрын

I don't watch very many of their videos, and it took me until I saw this to realize they were kidding. Whoops!

@TransSappho

2 жыл бұрын

I’ve unironically pulled this before in a couple situations and it never stops being amazing seeing it work

@beaugrimm4519

2 жыл бұрын

So using this.

@TransSappho

2 жыл бұрын

@@soulmechanics7946 Sophie used to make videos on here before she came out which are now private, so she joked that her previous videos were made by her “twin brother”. I’ve used that same story (not as a joke) to explain stories that only made since happening to a boy without outing myself

@Gammera2000

Жыл бұрын

Ooooooh, that explains a lot.

I love that if you pronounce Barbara Jagger with a Nordic accent you get Baba Yaga

"Alan isnt held hostage until he writes his next book, he actually is held hostage by the requirement to write itself" this is me trying to write my research paper rn

@RustBot42

2 жыл бұрын

This is me as a GM, I feel like I'm always scrambling to write something interesting that my players will be able to enjoy, when in actuality it doesn't matter very much what the specifics are so long as it can function as a stepping stone for them to build their own experiences. Because much like authoring a book, a movie, a game; the story happens in the meeting of the reader/viewer/player and the medium through which the story is conveyed, at all other times it's just words on a page. But the pressure is there all the same, and it's hard to push through the thought "What if it sucks?" and out the other side.

@andrewfsheffield

2 жыл бұрын

@@RustBot42 this is me writing my RPG right now.

@CT_Phipps

2 жыл бұрын

People want to do this to George R.R. Martin.

@charleslonon9207

2 жыл бұрын

i'm vibin' with you right now

@FhtagnCthulhu

2 жыл бұрын

Yo, one month from my defense and I want to die!

"I'm not writing, because I want to be in the sunshine." Really drives home the metaphor that the mental trap of feeling like you have to constantly create, constantly be 'useful', is itself a very, very dark and deep hole to fall down.

alan wake me up before you go-go Don't leave me hanging on like a yo-yo Wake me up before you go-go I don't wanna miss it when you hit that high Wake me up before you go-go 'Cause I'm not planning on going solo Wake me up before you go-go Take me dancing tonight I wanna hit that high, yeah yeah You take the grey skies outta my way You make the sun shine brighter than Doris Day You turned a bright spark into a flame My beats per minute never been the same 'Cause you're my lady I'm your fool It makes me crazy when you act so cruel Come on baby Let's not fight We'll go dancing Everything will be alright Wake me up before you go-go Don't leave me hanging on like a yo-yo Wake me up before you go-go I don't wanna miss it when you hit that high Wake me up before you go-go 'Cause I'm not planning on going solo Wake me up before you go-go Take me dancing tonight I wanna hit that high, yeah yeah yeah, baby Cuddle up baby Move in tight We'll go dancing tomorrow night It's cold out there But it's warm in bed They can dance We'll stay home instead (Jitterbug) Wake me up before you go-go Don't leave me hanging on like a yo-yo Wake me up before you go-go I don't wanna miss it when you hit that high Wake me up before you go-go 'Cause I'm not planning on going solo Wake me up before you go-go Take me dancing tonight Wake me up before you go-go Don't you dare to leave me hanging on like a yo-yo Take me dancing A boom-boom-boom-boom, oh! A boom-boom-boom-boom (Yeah, yeah) (Take me dancing tonight) Yeah!

@theoneandonlymichaelmccormick

2 жыл бұрын

What even are you?

@Lux_Lost

2 жыл бұрын

Art on a level I can't even comprehend

@E.S.R.OG_ecoli

2 жыл бұрын

Cal, I ant dead!!! I'm paralyzed.

@Arannath

2 жыл бұрын

You *would* be here, unraveling

@E.S.R.OG_ecoli

2 жыл бұрын

@@Arannath and you'd be here, or rather there...... living at home with your mommy

I feel like Alan's fear of both being unrelatable to people and of being just 'normal', while we learn that he is a poor writer whose privilege is absolutely connected to his success, just captures my experience with powerful men in the US so well. To me, this game feels like Alan's first significant attempt to grapple how he feels at all and what he sees terrifies him. Hella cool videooo

My doctor said this about how estrogen effected me so positively, "It's amazing what your brain can do when it has the right chemicals." I also feel you on the projects and wanting to socialize, I just want to go dance with friends. I never had that before.

57:02 I'm a couple months away from being 4 years sober. I quit drinking in part to prepare for medical transition; I knew that I would have a much better chance of getting a testosterone prescription with my severe mental health issues if I was showing a sincere commitment to addressing those issues, plus I didn't want to risk testosterone turning me from a depressed-weepy drunk into a violent, mean drunk. And it's occurred to me since then how much alcohol is tied to our social perception of masculinity. Drinking, and especially drinking heavily and drinking strong liquor and "challenging" beers, felt like a way to prove I wasn't a girl. But more than that, it felt like alcohol abuse was the only acceptable way for a masculine person to deal with grief and loss. We sure as hell can't cry unless we're shitfaced. That Stephen King explicitly names masculinity as an element of his alcoholism feels extremely validating.

@weatheranddarkness

2 жыл бұрын

feel you man

@SamantherPanther

2 жыл бұрын

hit the nail on the head.

@stalfithrildi5366

2 жыл бұрын

Hope that everythings still going well for you

@sycastells1212

2 жыл бұрын

Still sober. Helping my brother quit too now.

I love how distinctive Mothcub‘s style is. You see like one picture and know who the artist is.

Sophie rocking their new voice upgrade I love it

@BhbtheRock

2 жыл бұрын

Came here to say this. You sounding p damn feminine in this one

@theporcelaingamer

2 жыл бұрын

I was just trying to word this exact comment in my head

@ellipszilonq

2 жыл бұрын

I kept getting distracted by how nice they sound

@dariendude17

2 жыл бұрын

Isn't it just done in post by pitching up the voice? Is there some surgery I'm not familiar with?

@theporcelaingamer

2 жыл бұрын

@@dariendude17 it's usually hormone replacement therapy and vocal training. So in their case, estrogen HRT and they might be vocal training as well to be higher pitched.

"I wanted to beat the enemy that Alan couldn't. And, if you're seeing me read these words right now, I succeeded. I'm the hero of Alan Wake. Because I wrote myself into the script to beat the bad guy. Hooray for me!" This makes this entire video fanfiction, technically-- and also implicitly a defense of what value fanfiction can have for people's relationships with stories, especially stories that exist as "intellectual property" and thus to some degree partially inaccessible ('in the dark'?) to the audience that connects with them.

Kurt Vonnegut also really liked naming his characters after their role in the story and it was dope. You could also head cannon every character is Trans and loves self-affirming irony.

@carmina-solis

2 жыл бұрын

I also do this! It's not as schlocky (I say that with love in my heart), but all of my characters' names have meaning related to their role in the story, either as irony or as a direct reference to it. It's a great way to name characters, IMO.

Learning that creativity is work has been a really important lesson for me as a disabled person. I've had to realise that spending several days in a row writing and drawing a comic, designing a tabletop rpg and designing a video game is actually not the same as "relaxing" or "doing nothing", and is closer to "an unhealthy amount of work for even most able-bodied people". Take time off if you can, it's important.

@T0xXx1k

2 жыл бұрын

This is the biggest trick this dinosaur version of crony capitalism. If they can convince you that your *lucky* to get to work for free until you collapse mentally physically or both. Say it louder for the ppl in the back 😱🙏 cuz until ppl realize that they aren't worthless and fight for their labor I fear we'll never quit repeating these cycles 🙇🏼‍♀️😿💔 Very sad... 🧡🦇

@GrayYeonWannabe

2 жыл бұрын

this so so much

@AurelUrban

2 жыл бұрын

YES! I'm also disabled and I do not have a normal full time job. I tutor couple times a week, but rn most of my income comes from painting. I'm transitioning and going through various big life changes, while trying to prepare financially for moving in with my girlfriend next year. And I got a new active hobby - sewing, because I want to sew my trans girlfriend clothes, because we're poor and she doesn't have enough girl clothes. And we want to make a game together. Most of what I do right now is fun and I'm home 95% of the time, but all of it feels like work. And all of it IS work. My girlfriend is at my place a lot and helps with chores and stuff, but she's (probably) abled and we actually work about the same, and she is often overwhelmed as well. So like what the fuck am I doing here working the same amount of days as her while also trying to convert all my pastimes into productive activities. And why do I feel guilty about taking out one day off the week to only play a video game. Anyway all I wanted to say is that yes, a lot of our hobbies and creative jobs ARE work to our minds and bodies, even if they're not work to society. And that as a disabled person it's really hard to manage my time in a healthy way, because of the pressure to fill every bit of my time with a productive activity.

@sleepinbelle9627

2 жыл бұрын

​@@AurelUrban I still live with my mum (but am currently trying to navigate moving out with friends while living on disability benefits) and she literally has to tell me to take time off and play video games. I'm also autistic, so I tend to get pretty fixated on my work and can forget to eat sometimes. Capitalist society puts a lot of emphasis on labour, but as disabled people we can't provide the labour power that's expected of us, so we're disregarded and just left to sit with it. I've started keeping a checklist on my lockscreen so that, whenever I look at my phone, I'm reminded to eat, sleep, relax etc. side note: You sound really cool, learning to sew in order to make clothes for your trans partner is the sweetest thing I've ever heard (I'm in the process of accepting that I'm transfem and once I'm out to my mum I'm gonna ask her to teach me to sew). Good luck, and I hope you can find the time and space to rest:)

@kaitlyn__L

2 жыл бұрын

@@sleepinbelle9627 good luck, navigating benefits AND housemates is a toughie if not everybody is disabled. Because if one is working, then they’re expected to do some care work too? Even if there’s no way they possibly can in reality? IME and from a lot of friends’ experience, the best bet, for long-term stability and so on, for ensuring everybody is disabled and claiming (if you’re not already on top of all this, that is); is if they’re all dating at least some of each other. Because the DWP don’t recognise polyamory as valid and thus if polyamorous folks say they have a partner that’s “fraudulent” to them, and there’s been cases where poly people were forced to redo it as singles, so… There you go, ~3 disabled partners who can all get the maximum of whatever they can wrangle from the DWP. And it can be extremely difficult, a friend of mine had to keep chipping away for 5 years as, every time, they had to go “okay fine we did legally owe you THAT money too”, before the next appeal - until finally it was all done and she didn’t really know what to do with herself anymore at first. If you’re all supporting each other through the tribulations, it can be navigated.

Fun fact my high school was literally designed by the same architect that designed the county jail. Remove a little barbed wire and landscaping and they're almost identical And I got to tell you it felt like it

@chriss780

2 жыл бұрын

focault in bursting out of his grave to say i told you so

God I love the Old Gods of Asgard songs in this game. Would highly recommend checking out Poets of the Fall's discography to anyone who digs them. They're the real life band who wrote and recorded the songs and have been collaborating with Remedy since Max Payne 2 (Max Payne 1 if you count the fact that their lead singer was the actor for Vladimir Lem in the comic panel photography)

@hawkins347

Жыл бұрын

Not just the singer! The whole band is in the game, actually! I can't tell you which member is which character right now as it's been a while since I've replayed the game, but I believe the guitarist was Vinnie Gognitti.

@theoneandonlymichaelmccormick

7 ай бұрын

Yeah, Poets of the Fall friggin’ rule, man. It’s really interesting to see them and Remedy have mutual and individual success, given how intrinsically linked the two are are artistic bodies.

Took me awhile to realize I can express myself through my art without monetary gain, no pressure, just doing it for myself. We are often conditioned to use our talents for financial gain and success or they are "useless". In the end that was not for me as I was losing my passion and love for the craft. There is this saying that sort of goes like "Dont make your favorite thing in the world your job or it wont be your favorite thing anymore.", in my case there was truth to that.

Loved this video and its analysis, but I think one thing was missing: The Special DLC episodes. These are additional content for the original game which further details Alan's time in the Dark Place, with the gameplay literally being a manifestation of his own neuroses and self-doubt. Alan Wake, in truth, is curled in the foetal position next to his typewriter, trembling in stasis as he gives in to the fear that, in fact, the world is better off without his voice in it, that his disappearance is both a mercy to himself and those that know him (either directly or indirectly). Over the course of the two specials (which are phenomenally surreal), he slowly claws back a sense of self-worth and a desire to escape from the hell of his own making and, together with American Nightmare, form a greater trilogy in which he rediscovers his creative drive and, through it, the instrument of his own salvation. It's made clear that he still has a way to go, but it lends *way* more depth to American Nightmare: it's Alan exploring the ridiculous, pulpy action sci-fi/fantasy that he thrived on early in his career. So yeah, that's my gripe, but otherwise: this is some expert analysis, and made me totally reconsider the metatextual elements of the original game! Cheers! Last edit: Regarding American Nightmare, this is Alan confronting that dissonance between his true self and his public image, growing to realize that he *loved* writing the kitschy action weirdness that he originally saw as a paycheck, and using it to destroy the inauthentic image he constructed for himself. It's Alan finding a creative voice that is truly his own, and *rejecting* his audience's expectations.

@travisbewley7084

2 жыл бұрын

That kinda reminds me of the charecter ark of Diane from Bojack Horseman. As an artist that always gets me too. The idea that I may not want to produce anything "Meaningful" or "Popular" but maybe something that is just dumb fun, that I can find joy and meaning in that.

@snakesmcgee7640

2 жыл бұрын

@@travisbewley7084 Exactly! That's a great comparison. It's a stunningly well-visuallized arc, from cutting self-critique to the first, hesitant steps at self-actualization, and seeing it omitted irks me somewhat.

@robertkovarna8294

6 ай бұрын

I already love how American Nightmare is basically Alan fighting a dark copy of himself through a show he helped work on, basically fighting the darkness on his own battlefield, but this just makes it seem all the cooler.

I needed this video at this time in my life. I’m trying to get back into writing and needed to remind myself that art is like any other skill, not divine, but something you work at everyday.

Absolutely adored this game when I was younger, Control is a great game and all, but nothing compares to this.

@JambleBramble

2 жыл бұрын

Can't believe Weezer's 1994 classic "The Blue Album" is a Curio fan. Can we dare aim higher and try to coerce "Pinkerton"?

I'm a composer and I think this has helped me come to terms with my own writers block. It's not a real writers block because I can still write music, I just think what I write is shit because it doesn't blow my tits off. For years I've been trying to write a string quintet piece and I finally started it a month ago and it's currently sitting at 20 bars. I have ideas for where I want it to go but I struggle to force myself to sit and continue it. It's been like this for a month. I've taken on other projects and arrangements to try and bring up something creative, I paid for art for an album I've been making as a way of telling myself that I paid good money and I should finish it or what's point? At any one time I have 6 or 7 projects, albums and EPs on the go, I have a Jazz project, a Neo Soul project that I want to find a singer to work with, I have an ambient orchestral electronica concept album that I finally wrote a new piece for this week after 2 years of it sitting idle. I have friends who release 2 albums a year and it burns me that I can't do the same because I think too much. This piece is too simple, this piece does nothing clever, has been something that's weighed on me for a long time. I know people who don't care about music theory will get what I've done because all they care about is if they like it or not. I have a piece that's in 9/8 and the kick drum under it is in 6/8, making it a 6/9 polytime (nice), its a joke that maybe 2 people might get by listening. So yeah, I think this video has helped me try and cope with all the stupid stuff in my head that tells me I'm not good enough, I'm not original, I'm not saying anything.

@weatheranddarkness

2 жыл бұрын

are there any public tasters of your work?

Question: if the writing of popular niche video game Alan Wake about a fictional writer Alan Wake's writing is a metacontextual piece about the horror of writing, and if Sophie's writing about the metacontextual writing of fictional character Alan Wake as written in popular niche video game Alan Wake is itself about the experience of being a writer, then is this essay quadruple-meta?

@IsaacMayerCreativeWorks

2 жыл бұрын

it’s so meta even this acronym

@mst3kharris

2 жыл бұрын

Oh my god I’m my own grandmother

Made me laugh so hard with the "Gamers live outside of God's sight" bit. I was drinking coffee!

look i’m only like four minutes in but i really need to find a shirt that says “basic media literacy” surrounded by sparkles and i need it now

"despite having long been self-evidently capable of producing thoughtful, meaningful, moving works, video games as a medium still struggle to be accepted as an artform, and this is because gamers live outside of god's sight, and by consequence outside of his love" is the exact line that made me subscribe

That transition between the word file and the game footage was some impressive stuff. Bravo.

I like that when you call Alan a bellend, there's shots of him looking exactly like a Gallagher brother

"I've always had a vivid imagination" - this is just Garth Merenghi fan-fic, isn't it?

@nahthanksno8299

2 жыл бұрын

God, I was trying to place why that line sounded so familiar while listening to this earlier, and you nailed it on the head! It literally sounds just like Garth Marenghi

@IanWatson

2 жыл бұрын

"I know writers who use subtext, and they're all cowards." -- Remedy, probably

@pan-semitistcommunist4181

2 жыл бұрын

"We're doing all we can. but I'm not Jesus Christ. I've come to accept that now..."

@stalfithrildi5366

2 жыл бұрын

"Have you ever been to Glasgow, Alan? I have..."

seeing your channel grow to 80k from just 30k when i started following you has been incredible. you have a great future ahead and i am really excited to see what you do

alan wake was a deeply impactful game for me, as someone who’s struggled with the urge to create for my entire life, but never felt good enough to put things out there. this essay puts all that in such wonderful words. now i’m gonna go replay alan wake lol

I've always liked this game because as a struggling writer I understand it, I get the nuances. I think that someone who isn't creative or an artist will undoubtedly see the story a different, perhaps even disconnected way. That looming darkness is a freaking familiar face.

Set a reminder because of this amazing trailer. Can't wait for this vid.

I've been in a kind of creative rut where I used to not be super happy in life and used art to escape to a place where I didn't have to think about all that but am now mostly content in my life but can't create anything that feels satisfying anymore and kind of pulling away from people and life in general to try and fix that. The analysis on how Alan Wake is someone who views his own artistic abilities as the one thing that makes him feel special and therefore traps himself by forcing himself to create is something that really puts the way I've viewed my own artistic abilities under a new light. I also think that your words towards the end of the paradox of wanting to create something but being unable to create unless it ticks all these different boxes and even if something is satisfying in one regard, it will never feel full because it doesn't do everything you think your art should is something that really hit home with me. In other words, thanks for the great video and have a good one!

I have been waiting for the sequel to this game Alan Woke

18:40 Yes! Do it like a Yakuza protagonist when they're about to fight the final boss or a room of 100 dudes with knives and bats

Sophie hearing you say you're happy for the first time in your life is incredibly meaninful and touching. Your strenght, intelligence and spirit are an ispiration for someone also struggling to make something out of this complicated and rather silly life.

54:00 Fun fact, a lot of the SUNY colleges in New York were built/ designed by prison architects, and its defiantly very noticeable, especially in the living spaces, and overall brutalism of it

@theoneandonlymichaelmccormick

2 жыл бұрын

Lookin’ at YOU, University at Buffalo.

looove this

"But look I made you some content. Open wide!" sounds like an Earthbound quote.

Ok this is pure kino. I can't wait.

Honestly, I love your games work, focus on what's fulfilling to you! Your writing and performances drip with an energy and a radical empathy that I doubt I'll find anywhere else Also you're just cool and it's fun seeing you evolve into a more vivid and brilliant person each new video.

I grew up near a vacation home for Mr. King. (I lived in maine, but not near his primary residence - super gothic house). He was one of the few celebrities I have met, who made me feel as though I, a 13 year old boy chattering with my buddy about our "big ideas," could actually teach him something. King is so humble, and even thirty years ago, he had such a keenly developed eye for eccentricities and peculiarities. I feel like that focus on odd but real human behavior, combined with his deep understanding and respect for the deep wilderness maine is blessed with.

the dialectic of "writing is work like any other skill" and "writing is a form of telepathy" is absolutely what I needed to hear, and it really Shines A Light* on why I've felt so creatively cut off these past few years as I've come to resent the need for anything to be or require any kind of work.

The last part reminds me of a tumblr post that went smth like "Reading books is just staring at a dead tree and hallucinating" So also kinda telepathy

@Blattella

2 жыл бұрын

we enchant dead trees with runes that make each other hallucinate and everyone can do this

literally started playing the game when i learned you would do a video on it. best decision i ever did. great game! digging the video a lot as well. always vibe a lot with your stuff.

as a huge fan of both this game, horror, Stephen King, and also as a struggling fanfic writer this just hit me very deep in the kokoro. oh and btw, right away I accidentally played Alan Wake on like nightmare difficulty and I have experienced rage that is beyond the comprehension of the feeble human mind.

37:35 I think Alan "restoring the Taken" is an interesting element. It's entirely possible, to provide narrative "ooomph", that Alan killed like a hundred or more of the townsfolk in order to bring back his wife. I fully believe that's a legitimate interpretation of the fact he felt his writing powers required him to kill people in order to wield the magic of the Dark Presence as the story wouldn't work if it was too happy.

So happy to see the growth your channel has experienced. Your channel helped me through some though times, can’t express how grateful I am, anyhow, glad to see that KZread is more stable for you.

How can I continue on with my life knowing that this trailer exists and nothing I do can compare to its magnificence

My introduction to Alan wake was through an unscripted yourube roleplay where they commonly used Alan wake’s player model, and I find this funny because they made the protagonist of the great American video game a Brit

9:55 I've heard this aspect of the trans experience (TM) as an 'insatiable thurst for life.' It's great but a complex thing to experience. Good luck with it Sophie

@weatheranddarkness

2 жыл бұрын

thurst is good. don't question it, take this new powerful word and go forth on your quest

As someone who recently started studying professional writing, this video is very special to me now. Thank you, Sophie! ;-;)/

All my videos are available early for $2+ patrons over at patreon.com/curiovids

Alan Wake was one of the most influential narratives on my writing. It was amazingly deep for a game primarily about shooting shadow zombies.

Procrastination is most often something done when trying to do something you really care about

well this made me laugh a lot harder than i anticipated

I really loved this vid. It feels like the successor to your (masc sibling's) Cronenberg video, both of which take on an aspect of creative work that I feel like gets lost a lot in discussions of art: that it's made by people who live in the world and work under the same conditions the rest of us do. It seems so obvious that it's not worth discussing, but if you lose track of that understanding you're going to end up with a distorted view of art, so thank you for centering its human scale.

finally Sophie filmed a video in front of a live studio audience!

ALAN WAKE ME UPPP

I've been slowly working my way backwards through Curio videos and it is really incredible how much happier they are in the more recent stuff than the older. Unintentional Stephen King reference but she's really shining in this

My favorite subversion of the "Indian burial ground" trope is in Psychonauts, where the conversation regarding the in-game currency Psitanium arrowheads goes something like this: "Why are there so many arrowheads in the ground?" "Because the summer camp is built on top of an Indian burial ground!" "Woah, they really buried their dead here?" "Eeeew no, they buried their ARROWHEADS here, dummy!"

Genuinely the way this video plays with perception to match Alan Wake is brilliant. Great job as always! EDIT: Well I wrote this before the ending now I’m close to tears goddamn

This is.. exactly the video I needed to watch. I've been in a serious creative slump for months and months and your words at the end are just what I needed. Thank you

as fellow writer (albeit one who hasn't published anything) this video has been wildly helpful in better understanding myself and my own writing. i really appreciate that. the ending had me in tears. thank you

there is something beautiful and something that deeply tugs at my heart feeling like i can hear when new revelations were created within this essay even with the spliced between editing and jumpcuts, just because of how your voice has changed through transition. it makes the weight of how long these videos take to produce and write sit all that tighter on my chest and its just. i set up my first ever appointment for hrt today and hearing your voice in this video made me really emotional and excited and i love your essays so much

@ven5646

2 жыл бұрын

ok. yeah. cried. you won. you beat alan wake you said those words out loud and im crying

Really wish we could have seen the open world version of Alan Wake; so I could act like I was in Twin Peaks.

@pencilfangs

2 жыл бұрын

I might be wrong, but Deadly Premonition?

Mm. Yeah I liked this one. I decided early on that I wasn't gonna make my writing a job BECAUSE it's so inextricably tied to self-expression for me, so just like I wouldn't want to sing or dance for a living, I wouldn't want to, like. Make that into work for myself. There's some effort that I prefer to keep... self-indulgent, for a lack of better word. You did a great job capturing the horror of being A Professional Writer in this one, it makes me feel validated in my view that to write, like, to write *forreal* is not actually reserved for the intelligent and inspired. I am kind of an Alan! For me, the ability to make myself understood through my writing *is* kind of mystical! And I guess my solution would be to write myself out of the story entirely, just retcon that the main character was never there or something. I *am* a little disappointed that the whole... American Cultural Hegemony thing ended up not being a more prominent thread, b/c like I am frankly very tired of the way stories about America written by non-Americans often get wrapped up into American self-mythologisation, and pointing out how this is a market forces thing was such a good observation. Oh well. Here's hoping the thread of the rest of us living in America's world and how that's a whole fucking. Thing. Gets picked up in another video. I think I'm gonna go rewatch the Control video now.

The last bit about writing and your personal experience really hit me. Ironically, I put off watching this video until now because I was struggeling to finish my master thesis on time and watching video essays all the time didn't really help my process. There is just so much I wanted my thesis to be but in the end after stalling for 2 years because of burocracy and pandemic issues I had no energy left and just wanted to get it over with. I turned in the paper 5 minutes before the deadline and I have still have mixed feelings about it. This video made me feel I'm not alone in this. There is so much left to write and share in this world and sometimes you just have to let go in order to do it. Thanks you!

This was absolutely incredible! Thank you so much for putting this together

Loved the video and can totally relate to struggling with creative block, glad you pushed through and made such a sincere, funny video! Now off to watch "In the Mouth of Madness" and "Twin Peaks"!

I'm really glad I watched this because everything you talked about toward the end (except transitioning) is exactly what I'm going through creatively, and although neither of us have a solution to how wild and chaotic that feels, it's just really nice to hear it from someone else. Glad you exist, Soph!

Thanks for creating and releasing stuff that you put so much heart into. Always a joy to see what you're up to and what kind of thoughts you have to share. 💚

27:58 loved how you showed the script here, it's just the little details that make your videos so fun! So meta

Really good stuff! So happy whenever I see you've uploaded. I remember subscribing when Thought Slime shouted you out - the channel's grown so much, it's incredible!!!

"Shut up Alan, you reddit guy!" This might be the single greatest quote in history.

One of the best parts of videos like this-with so many layers and nuance-is I can watch them again and again and learn something new every time. It's also fun that I can never tell where you're going the first time and then after that it's like... ohhhhhh of course!

Fantastic work! I think this is my favorite of your vids so far!

Was thinking about my own telepathic experiences right before you started talking about it; you shined, thank you.

beautiful video essay. Inspiring creativity in writing yourself in and making a point with it, and really funny when you were sliding pictures of Foucault smiling, as you were talking about how crime is tool of the upper class.

I always appreciate a push towards getting to work instead of waiting for the perfect moment. A most welcome kick in the butt.

this is a god damn masterpiece, right up there with the matrix video. the jokes r amazing (especially the puns), the analysis is great, and it managed to make me look at stephen kings work in a positive light which is frankly a miracle.

Sophie listening to you talk about something you just love has brought me so much joy. I recently discovered your channel and it's so wonderful and great. I can listen to you talk about canned spaghetti and I'll be enthralled

this is a beautiful, beautiful video ES. the final third where you spoke about writing, King's book, and your own journey with the craft has not inspired me, per se, but given me permission to finish writing my thesis. i just have to do it, and this video made me believe i can. thank you so much.

I loved the meta meditation on writing and work at the end. Great work, Sophie. A lesson I've recently internalized is that the point of living is creating a life that makes you happy and satisfied, and if that means hanging out in the sunshine with your friends at every possible moment, it's okay to prioritize that over work, even if it's work you enjoy and find fulfilling.

I'm an hour in - great stuff btw - and I have to say the comment about two architects building a prison and a school just really jarred me, because with my highschool in FL, it was actually designed by a prisonmaker. It had huge metal slats on the windows, and just the most dreadful blocky buildings you ever did see. And despite literally being brand new, within a year we were getting crammed out into leaky trailers out next to the football field. Even the basketball courts were fenced in like we would flee otherwise. Now I'm just having to sit with how kinda fucked up that all was. So, thank you I think.

i had a swedish (subject) teacher tell me once that fiction is a means to place yourself in other people's shoes, to see things from the perspective of someone else and all their struggles and goals. whether realistic, mystical of fantastical, reading about someone else dealing with things you would never experience yourself helps you relate to the world around you. it increases empathy and lets you connect to people and their circumstances. to the world around you. *consumption of art and reading is de-alienation.* i think the creators of alan wake were acutely aware of this, *the point all along might have been to make people understand what it's like to be the developers.* to connect to the disconnection that comes with artistic isolation. that creative bubble where the only people you interact with are other video game developers, where your art is your entire life and where you're pressured to meet an unlimited series of deadlines *until you feel like you're at the bottom of a lake with nothing else to do but continue your art.* there might be something clever to say about this framing of art consumption being dealienation and creation of art being alienation; when the proposed solution seems to be to create art, a wonderful contradiction that could say so much about the nature of art and the human experience. that the salvation from creative alienation is creative alienation. to reattache yourself to reality with the stroke of a pen by letting go of the pursuit of art for art's sake and beginning to create as a means to connect people.

This entire essay is soooooooo galaxy brain. Thanks for all the great food for thought!

The last ten minutes are so, so powerful. It resonates strongly for me about programming and the alienation of doing something I love for labor, and fuck it’s work

This was a really awesome video, thanks so much for creating it.

This is so well constructed, Eric Sophia. I adore people like you who are able to put words to feelings and experiences that I know have words to put to, but I never quite create the right sentence. I love listening to your conclusions and insights, and the way you formulate your videos. I love people who are able to tell a story while critiquing and shining (ha!) a light on lesser known aspects of a piece of media, or find a unique perspective. Also, please put yourself first! I, and I think a lot of others who watch your essays, would want to see you be happy and healthy. You are brimming with a new confidence, and comfortableness, that is noticeable in your videos if you watch them as a timeline. Take your time, and enjoy these feelings. Revel in the euphoria, and on the days where the lustre has dimmed, then start to tinker on a script. I would rather see creators on any platform be content in what they're making than trying to force something out. In any case, once again, great work on this. I can't wait to see you talk Vampires next! I've always liked the creatures and what they've come to symbolize, personally.

Thank you. This and Doc Bruford's work are really encouraging. One note on American Nightmare, it felt like a big dlc episode like the ones with the original game but wilder, meant as another thing in the Dark Place rather than a true follow up

Idk why I took so long to watch this one, but it was exactly what I needed to hear right now. So that's the third time your vids have shown up when I didn't quite realize how lost I was feeling and shown me the path with your telepathy. Thanks. Edit: Also, holy shit, that whole sequence with the green screen!! Goosebumps.

This was really great. You are amazing, and I appreciate the time you put in to give us content.

I only found your channel recently, but I've been so impressed by your ability to engage with serious, dark themes and come out on the other side with a convincingly positive message. While the creativity it took to create this video likely required toil and turmoil similar to Alan Wake's, it seems to successfully imbue the "divine" inspiration of creativity upon your viewers. In that way, creative work may not always be the result of a muse, but it's possible that the results of your effort manufactures a muse for others. That kind of seems like the best case scenario for the mass culture machine of America, so this interpretation of Alan Wake might just be the Great American Video Essay. Thanks for your brilliant work!

Your comedic timing pummeled my face, your thoughtful analyses gave it several ten-counts, and the ending was a surprise knockout!

this was incredibly moving. that final line hit me

Good god this was great. Big congratulations for completing this project. I always feel like work I've done without that "spark" will be of lesser quality, but this video just kicks that whole idea of the universe. I fell out of roleplaying because I ran out of that writing inspiration/spark, and I've just had to accept that I don't have the energy to make what is a fun little pastime for me actual work.

This video made me write for the first time in like, two months! Thank you

I love your fraternal twin brother's content, glad it's still here, but you're taking the channel in even better directions, thank you!