Alain needs to repeat this lecture every year to keep it showing up for people on their KZread algorithm ❤

I could literally listen to that man read the phone book... It's just so insightful and intelligent and it just has a strong drawing effect...

@mfatimah9427

3 жыл бұрын

I said the SAME THING to myself before reading your comment loool

@01swords

Жыл бұрын

❤

I talked to Dr de Botton at some CC here in IL while he was on an early book tour. He was most generous with his time to the students and fans. He's an excellent author and thinker.

he is so right on so many levels. I wish I knew him 20 years ago.

Alain, you are a blessing from the lord!

I am a romantic from the Love generation of San Francisco in the late 60s, early 70s. Now that 7 decades have passed since each parent took turns traumatizing me, I am convinced that the ideal love affair (that lasts while on earth) would be, after the Initial Crush, to buy houses right next door to each other and pay surprise visits in order to be Re-traumatized “that special way” over and over and . . . What bliss!

Everything Alain has to say about relationships and love is absolutely true. Thank you for enlightened discourse.

Blind faith in others is not true love but trying to understand others is true form of love. Trying to understand others can't produce hate or fear except love and kindness in us.

Indeed, love is not only built on top of sexual/romantic attraction, but also the energy, time and patience that is put into improving and learning about each other and fixing the cracks along the way, which a lot of times is definitely not fun. However, this is exactly where the beauty and meaning of love lies, which is, regardless of our differences, the difficulties we have encountered or will encounter, we still choose to stay with each other and love each other.

I actually love this man. He is brilliant!

Much appreciated~~~

Out of so many love talks your theory on love is the best of the best

Alain's take on life and love is wonderful beyond words. Whenever I hear anyone mention they are looking for their "soul mate", I cringe. I prefer the word "earth mate", as it's more accurate.

A very interesting talk. It's true that damaged people sometimes fall in love when they shouldn't. Romanticism is saturated in our media & books. We need a new way of thinking to help ourselves out of this mess.

@kbenchekor2960

2 жыл бұрын

Ij

Incredibly brilliant.

47:28 Movie recommendation... Before Midnight. Off I go. It's a long quarantine period. :D

@susanrichard1653

3 жыл бұрын

This certainly was not showing love or sensitivity, more evolutionary investigation in the practice of love and it’s principles needs to occur.

no longer being afraid/embarrassed who you are; brilliant insight!!!!

I love Before Midnight. Another great film-- eternal sunshine of the spotless mind. It too explores the illusivity of love and memory.

41:00 this section about decoding is so on point

He is a great thinker using easy language for all to understand

I love him too! So helpful and yet lighthearted! ...and funny when we see how we dramatize life and make it so complex! He takes the rug right from under us and wakes us up.

This is so enlightening

Great ideas about love. This Romantic love is a result of the widespread lack of desire. We live desires of others as René Girard described in his mimetic theory. So to conquer the one and only we have to show that we truly love and it takes exaggerated forms and absurd requirements. So we think all starts with love and ends in marriage. In fact it should be the other way round: in marriage we have to learn to love. But with all this pressure and madness it becomes almost impossible.

Starts 1:21

@jb00705

4 жыл бұрын

Praise you.

@carmenismyname

4 жыл бұрын

Merci 👌🏼 🙋🏻‍♀️

@lauraoldermanart6784

4 жыл бұрын

Thank you!

@AdrianHepburn-vz9yr

3 жыл бұрын

Just watch it.

@Sprite_525

3 жыл бұрын

Adrian Hepburn - clearly others agree with me, not everybody needs to be told what they’re about to see for 90 seconds. Go do whatever you want Adrian

Lovely.

Love is reasonable ❣️❣️❣️ And we are crazy 🥰

You’re a legend Alain! You help me understand the human condition!

@leannefaulkner-charve6910

4 жыл бұрын

His mind!!!! OMG

I love this man.

Now I’m sad. I feel like what I was looking for isn’t real. It was a dream. Now I feel like I’ve lost something I really cared about. What I thought love was..... No wonder my relationships always disappoint me. I am looking for something that isn’t real :(

@MC-df7xd

4 жыл бұрын

I came to the same realisation when I stopped believing in romanticism (thanks to Alain). As a result, I learned to enjoy and appreciate the simple and real acts of love in my life and to make efforts to truly connect with my SO. Relationships become more satisfying when we strip them of all clichés and unrealistic expectations. You can be glad for having a new mindset now :)

@susanrichard1653

3 жыл бұрын

Tony, you successfully at adding to others misery. I still love you regardless.

Alain de Botton is certainly my selected author and speaker on life miseries...enjoyed every expression

Listening to Alain I have always enjoyed

Love, the greatest game two ppl can play on each other.

Thank you

I’d literally marry this man OUT OF TRUE LOVE and intelligence

@stephenfeldman8104

4 жыл бұрын

Alain's taken. But, lucky you, I'm not! Let's take it slow, though, OK?

@susanrichard1653

3 жыл бұрын

Reminder, cultivate humanity and kindness ❤️🌍 thank you

❤❤❤

Firsly, I LOVE your view of life, and all of your psychological inspection of modern day love habits. Now for my question: It's interesting. You say that no where does our culture teach that love involves deep suffering and a need for forgiveness of the other, mutually. My experience in marriage preparation during engagement to another Catholic Man, is that our entire marriage preparation (courses, casual advice from married couples, worksheets, counseling), is that this is the very thing that we'll inevitably be experiencing and must be prepared for, but that simultaneously, the Goodness and Love that is among all of that will be there to relish in and enjoy. There are deep theological Truths that support this, and give explanations for it within the Catholic Faith. I agree that this idea does not exist much in secular culture, but am curious what you'd say about whether one can embrace a true, deep acceptance of these hard-to-cope-with ideas, with the absence of the explanations of them. Thank you!

So, in essence, 'You are damned if you do, and you are damned if you don't'.

How many of the shades of love are merely base needs sought for and occasionally met?

I'm an elementary school teacher. My ex husband did not want to learn a thing from me. He wouldn't even cook with me. My ex boyfriend was the opposite. However, we ended because he led the life of a boyfriend and the life of a single person.

@stevencomms2134

3 жыл бұрын

Teachers always think they know best 😏

37.00 course start

The below said, I adored his take on Proust. (Oy. Proust, David, de Botton: all Jews. They should meet and drag Woody Allen into the mix. What a movie they would script.

Alain just out here casually truthbombing us and ruining our fantasies.... haha what is life, what is love and how do we get it haha

@susanrichard1653

3 жыл бұрын

We get true love being real only.

Sadhguru suggests that "love" one feels in the *EARLY stages of a relationship never lasts.. your person (or anything external for that matter) shouldn't be the source for that feeling. Instead, one can cultivate being pleasant inside all the time, bringing that sweetness to everything, regardless of the people and circumstances around you. Being genuinely happy for the good fortunes and happiness of others. Instead, a relationship is a commitment to aid the other in this *PERSONAL* journey of becoming the best version of themselves. This commitment requires constant management and maintenance, as everyone has issues. Hopefully, you can find a partner that has the same goal, and can complement your strengths/weaknesses and needs. Ultimately, romantic-love goes away quick, leaving the issues of everyday life, so rather than relying on someone who is flawed (and everyone is flawed) to extract the pleasantness you feel.. practice cultivating and being love.

@susanrichard1653

3 жыл бұрын

What is KEY to your message is the practice of cultivation of the act and actions of love. Perhaps your educational background has influenced your interruption of appropriate boundaries that one crosses to support the success of love. Fundamental to all healthy relationships, is equality, intellectual and fundamental values and the absence of control. The latter is the source of most relationships failures.

I could almost watch it on 0.75 speed :P

Wouldn't it originate simply from our need to be loved

Hilarious!

He sounds like person in my meditation app

The problem with love is "a feeling that a lover does not really love us"...what shame Alain ignores my realistic view on what love really is...its all self serving and about fulling the ego...period!!

@AdrianHepburn-vz9yr

3 жыл бұрын

How many of the shades of love are merely base needs sought for and occasionally met?

@susanrichard1653

3 жыл бұрын

Very glad we introduced the essential concept of the EGO, loving another human being should not involve a displacement to owns Ego or core values and well-being. True or healthy live supports the improvement one’s self without direct instructions as you naturally bring out the best in one another. We don’t write an script for another human being. We can only be present, loving and supportive.

This poor - albeit - witty soul. He’s created an entire construct around the hurt he’s felt with each relationship. Kind of an upmarket Larry David.

love is caring to each other. we need friends ... when we have lust we scare to the other person.

laundry: they had maids then !!!!

25:55

"Good Enough" is not love

@vaultsjan

4 жыл бұрын

What is?

@jackieblue04

4 жыл бұрын

If you see it like that it's because you're a romantic.

Does 'love' even exist? Lol...

@Flyingcoffe

3 жыл бұрын

Yes but only for smart people.

@olgajensen3005

2 жыл бұрын

Yes, Hope You `ll find it 💞

One thing we need to learn is to stop mutilating boys for life.

The harsh tuba thermodynamically cause because can nouzilly fix forenenst a whole crab. changeable, accessible soybean

the girl that introduced him should cut back on her antidepressants

@susanrichard1653

3 жыл бұрын

The trick didn’t fly honey

You "tried" not to get political but you did. I like your speeches but I LOVE TRUMP even more. You teach about love but Trump is fighting a battle between good and evil for us. Therefore, I will not be supporting your work or purchasing your books.

@MM-vu6gw

4 ай бұрын

And what's more important; you are an atheist while Trump loves God.