I understand and feel exactly the same. I don’t want to fit in. I just want to be left alone and do my autistic stuff.

@AdultwithAutism

2 жыл бұрын

Yep, same...and for that to be okay and not questioned 👍🏻

Hi Paul. I feel a little like you, kind of... The difference is that I've spent most of my life (I'm older than you) not knowing I'm autistic. So I forced myself to try to socialize as I saw others doing. I've become very resilient, but I realize now that I never really wanted to socialize, I just tried to because I thought that's what I was supposed to do. In fact, I've acted all my life. My interaction with others is a grandiose representation of enormous proportions! haha We get exhausted just because we are continually thinking about all concivable possibilities, let alone having small talk with neurotypicals. But I also think that we need to share our ideas and talk to others… likeminded. That's something I'm trying to convince myself to do too (although I really like to spend my time reading and studying... a lot). Otherwise we risk spending all our time recycling our own monologues. :)

@AdultwithAutism

2 жыл бұрын

Small talk is where I get exposed, as I don't ask 'normal' things as...I'm not thay kind of normal. So I ask questions I'm genuinely interested in an answer for, it's just people aren't ready for my type of question 😂

I watch a lot of content creators in the autism space and I relate to yours the most. I avoid social interactions like the plague. Whether it’s a friend or family, it doesn’t matter, it’s too taxing. I haven’t visited my family for holidays in over two years and I’m tired of trying to find reasons to not go that they’ll accept and understand.

Dear God, I just had to pause the video to say what a fuckin banger of a metaphor you made when you talked about watching Squid Game with English dubbing. I always feel like there is something just, wrong, whenever I examine how other people go about their lives. Like everything would start making sense if everyone else started making sense.

@AdultwithAutism

2 жыл бұрын

I should get that on a T-Shirt 'F**kin banger of a metaphor'... I'm glad if any of my nonsense lands 😂

@CuriosityUnchained

2 жыл бұрын

@@AdultwithAutism You’re not talking nonsense at all. Everything you say in all your videos makes perfect sense 👍 Keep up the good work.

@AdultwithAutism

2 жыл бұрын

Many thanks, I'll keep giving it a go 👍🏻

@LunarGlowMedia

2 жыл бұрын

@@AdultwithAutism Such a T-Shirt would speak directly to my soul and tell it to buy Adult with Autism Merch lol.

@AdultwithAutism

2 жыл бұрын

Haha, I might make a line and wear it myself 😂

Parallels mate. From as far back as I can remember. Neighbours, work, shopping. The whole school, after school stuff drop offs and watching sport when son was a lad with other parents was on a whole different level. Even now if family get together dinners etc(I mean my own family FFS)....anxiety beforehand, don't want to go, torture whilst there and an endurance exercise, struggling with pointless conversations and knowing my face and eyes are glazed and set to zero. As soon as I leave a weights lifted and I recharge. I go out walking but now wait until late evening so I don't see too many people who want to say hello, nod, raise eyes as we pass. Part of it all for me has always been from as young as 5 or 6 why i don't know how to have fun and socialise....I've always looked the part and masking my group had no idea. The exhaustion though led to what I now know to be burnouts but always put down to depression and given tablets by gp. If I'd known about being able to be autistic and able to function I could have maybe mapped things vetter and not lost touch with and had fall outs over the years. When young I was deemed shy, as a teenager and a young man ro date rude and arrogant and unsocial. Part of me would love to be able to just do what others do and whilst I love my own company I stay in but know I'm missing out. I was 18 in 1988 when the whole acid house thing took off and yes I know its not to be recomended but the drugs associated with all that and alcohol got me through a period socially. Others were euphoric whilst it propelled me to a position of their normality for social interaction. 51 now and watched so many videos to learn and realise that I am without doubt autistic and would fall into functioning. A relief to know why life's been like it has in my head but I won't lie a part of me is ashamed and embarrassed to tell people. I know that's daft but the real me inside my head doesn't match the me that people know. Like I've over the years developed a character.

@AdultwithAutism

2 жыл бұрын

I can absolutely associate with all that. The only thing that's changed for me is the feeling that I've missed out or am missing out. I didn't do things because I tried them and they brought nothing positive for me, although they did for others. A guy I used to know attacked the way I am with saying I was wasting my life staying in and not socialising...but when I went out and socialised, I wasted more life trying yo recover from it. When i watched the Avengers I agreed with Thanos...click your fingers and remove half the people from Earth. Less people, less going on, more space, and maybe I can venture outside at normal times instead of getting into town for when the shops first open to get a coffee so it's quieter, shopping late at night for less people etc. The saying 'the person is smart, people are stupid' almost applies. Where people are individuals, I can manage much better. Turn them into a crowd and faves blur, one turns into many, mentalities merge etc...I need to be away from that at all times. It's taken little by little or trial and test to mold my existence into one tolerable, and whatever the fallout is to achieve that is, it has to happen. There is only so much life you can take when it's consistently a challenge just to wake up, and I deserve contentment too. We all do 👍🏻

@heatherrae901

19 күн бұрын

I relate to this a lot. I made it through my younger years socializing only with the use of substances. If I hadn’t been drunk or high, I would never have socialized by choice. Fastfoward to getting sober, I became aware of just how much anxiety socializing caused, and yes, even with my own family, all of them. And I love them, they’ve done nothing to me to result in the utter dread I feel when leaving to see them. But the entire time I’m around them or anyone, I can’t get my brain to work right, I just go mute. It’s the same for the two friends I have; I can text them just fine but have no desire to have any one on one hang outs because the stress of it just isn’t worth it to me. Sorry for the long-winded comment, I just don’t hear others that feel the way I do very much, not even in the autism community.

It all sounds so familiar... Avoiding in person situations by hiding behind the phone pretending to text, changing alleys in shops.. done all that.. yet I may exchange countless enjoyable messages with the same person that I avoid in 'real life' - introversion at its finest.

@AdultwithAutism

2 жыл бұрын

Haha, I always have the phone out pretending to be on it when I have to walk past people in the street trying to sell something. I prefer conversing as if it is a long distance game of chess in the 80s. Short simple interactions with consideration...with great spaces in between! 😂

As an autistic person, I really want to get married and have kids, but it feels like everyone is talking a different language to me. I have never felt so depressed in trying to meet someone. This is the biggest problem I have with being autistic. Because other interactions, I can take or leave, I can go for weeks on my own happily. But this part of my life, my only dream in life of having a family, and being a smashing parent, is not something I can control.

@AdultwithAutism

2 жыл бұрын

I can only sympathise. Obviously I don't know what it's like it that scenario, but I feel the same for other areas that I crave and can't attain. I know the mental battle it can create.

Thanks, you are never boring. One day when I was in high school, I was crying on my bed (I never cry). My mom heard and came in. I told her, "I can't talk to people." She responded, "Snap out of it. Do you want to end up in a mental institution?" I had no idea how to engage in small talk. Nor did I want to. I felt like an alien observing a totally different species. A few months later, she kicked me out of the house. I had to move in with my dad (who is awesome), and started seeing a psychiatrist. The nightmare deepened when I was prescribed various antidepressants. That's when I started consciously masking and ran away to Las Vegas (bad idea). If I was properly diagnosed, it would've saved a lot of pain throughout the years, because at least I would have understood.

@AdultwithAutism

4 ай бұрын

Sorry to hear that. I hope things are better these days. And I am glad your dad is awesome 👍🏻

Paauulll!!! 👈 (I'm already sorry if that was annoying 😅)... I can't even get over just how strongly I relate to you!!! I've said it before I know, but when I hear someone speak their mind and they're basically another me, which very few people are cause of the squid game dub metaphor you mentioned also being my reality, the lightbulb moment after lightbulb moment has my attention throughout the whole video like 👁.👁 💡 There's so little in this mad world that's as comforting as someone who not only gets me, but explains it all exactly how I'd probably explain it if the camera were on me! I'm gonna stop typing cause I could say so much to you from this video alone, but as you mentioned the comments do pose the slight pressure to reply and I know all too well how that can feel, and I respect that! I just wanna say that this is definitely a video that I'm gonna share with the people in my life when the time is right. I'm also sick of having to explain myself and being made to feel so out of place because I have so little interest in other people, am personally not interested in a relationship, don't ever wanna get married or have kids, dread the possibility of being invited to a close friend's future wedding, feel too anxious to even order food sometimes, can't leave the house A LOT, live alone and need to live alone yet NEVER feel lonely!! Just, thank you for this 🙏 it's not incoherent rambling like you think it is, it's keeping my imposter syndrome at bay and helping me a great deal so I need to tell you that and to thank you so much! Ps - yeah wedding dresses are massively overrated 🙄🤣

@AdultwithAutism

2 жыл бұрын

Ah no worries at all! I'm glad my waffling and what I think is incoherent nonsense can land so well for certain people...it's also nice to know I'm not alone on being this way too in all honesty! Pressing record to talk about things that are difficult, is difficult, so kind comments help. So thanks 😁

@shesays3673

2 жыл бұрын

@@AdultwithAutism You're definitely not alone, it's just a shame that those of us who relate are fewer and further between, so we don't tend to meet eachother in our day to day lives 🙈 I've honestly considered making KZread videos about my own experience! but my anxiety is so bad, and I'm still in burnout so the idea of anything right now feels like a lot. I also can't cope with the very thought of hate or rude comments 🤦🏻‍♀️ Not sure my rejection sensitive dysphoria would do too well with that side of it all 🙈 I'm sure I'll make my mind up one day! 🤣 In the meantime, videos like yours are really helping 😊 You're very welcome mate I hope you're having a fantastic day 👍

@AdultwithAutism

2 жыл бұрын

Very true 😁

Hi Paul, another super nervous commenter here but I had to say “I have to keep my hair very tightly in a bun” had me 😂. Hope you get good rest and some more good games of tug-o-war this weekend! 🐶

@AdultwithAutism

2 жыл бұрын

Hi Marie, no doubt tug-o-war is on Georges weekend plans!

Great video Paul,what I find as bad as an invite to an event (especially if I cannot get out of it) is the week’s/month’s off anxiety I get until the event takes place, and then most the time after I have been to the wedding ect I think to myself that was nowhere near as painful as I thought it would be, and I ask myself why I got so worked up by it in the first place,as for saying things the wrong way I have mostly got past that one,some people are very touchy and will take offence at anything, I have learned to tell myself that if this happens it is their problem and not mine,a few years ago it would of kept me awake at night thinking I may have upset someone but then remember people do not give a dam about upsetting us.

@AdultwithAutism

2 жыл бұрын

I know the feeling Jason. I had an event a few years ago I couldn't get out of without offending everyone. I got the invite November to attend something in May, and I couldn't settle. It was over my head the entire time. It got that bad for so long that I had to treat myself afterwards as a reward for getting to it and through it. The things we do that people don't know!

@Marc-lx1qj

2 жыл бұрын

So so true. Sometimes after all the build up anxiety I've even had a good time and been glad I went however that doesn't adjust any settings in my head for future.

@AdultwithAutism

2 жыл бұрын

Exactly, there is no changing it!

Hi Paul. Well done at popping out a video. I thought it would be a week or so. I can’t imagine the stress you have been under returning to work. I say “nut bag” all of the time and calling Boris that is fitting. I completely get your stress whilst socializing. It’s extremely hard for me and I kind of do it for a living! My recharge time is critical to my survival. About saying no. When I was a teenager my mom gave me a book called “When I Say No I Feel Guilty.” It was excellent. My mom knew I had trouble telling kids no to things as I would always rather be alone. The book basically says you have a right to say no without any explanation! None. The people in the wrong are the ones who ask why. You always have a right to say no! Period. I am giving you complete power to say no and I respect you for it! You are now completely healed! 😂🤣 Also I am so there with anxiety about leaving comments on KZread. I am anxious about this one🤣. They same with emails. The minute I hit send am I like how can I get it back. Have I shared too much? Have I said something offensive? When mistakes have I made? It’s is always there but a do it anyway. Otherwise I would miss out on the dialog. You were one of the first people I found that made me feel not alone. (That has to be one of the worst constructed sentences ever!) And certainly the first person I felt I could respond to. I hope you have a tremendous weekend recharging! Get some sleep man! Catch you on the next one!

@AdultwithAutism

2 жыл бұрын

Hey Bryan, My favourite way to say no has to be 'I’m disinclined to acquiesce to your request'. It was in the first Pirates of the Caribbean movie and I liked it and use it often...in a pirate voice which probably doesn't help! I'm the same on the email front. My main concern is if something was taken in another way than I intended. Then I anxiously await a response to make sure I didn't cause offence, overshare, pry, push, dig, and show the right level of interest. I might just stick a disclaimer in them 😂

@bryanmerton5153

2 жыл бұрын

@@AdultwithAutism I love that phrase and I am laughing so hard!

Not boring at all. Another great video. Loved it

@AdultwithAutism

8 ай бұрын

Thank you 👍🏻

Absolutely makes sense. I'm 27 and pretty much the same. I don't even answer phonecalls because I just don't feel like talking to anyone really (let alone texting or chatting on some kind of social platform, rarely that happens, when it does, I tend to keep it brief and to the point). I just really like minding my own business and I wouldn't change it for anything.

@AdultwithAutism

2 жыл бұрын

You'll hear no argument from me there! 👍🏻

I'm commenting. Because I want to. Love it. I enjoyed the content, thx.

@AdultwithAutism

2 жыл бұрын

No worries.Glad you enjoyed 👍🏻

Good video. Helpful content. Amusing moments. Thank you.

@AdultwithAutism

2 жыл бұрын

No worries 👍🏻

Hi Paul. I'm Autistic and I am a mother to an autistic 22 year old daughter. I would like to thank you for taking the time to make these videos. It is greatly appreciated and helpful. 🇿🇦❤️

@AdultwithAutism

2 жыл бұрын

Thank you for your kind comment, and you're very welcome.

I love watching your videos, its like hearing my thoughts said out loud, something you seem to have down better than me haha! Also on an unrelated note, did I just see little George on the Fenrir Canine chanel? I saw a red fox lab, then he called him George and I thought of you. Thank you for the video as always! (also, with comments on youtube, this is the only channel I comment on, because I feel more comfortable here than anywhere else, thank you)

@AdultwithAutism

2 жыл бұрын

Thanks Dan! I appreciate that. But no, George wasn't on the Fenrir channel...he needs to be though. He is a cat in a dogs body. Ignores me, and chases a laser (not kidding). He needs to be reminded he's a dog at some point.

I stumbled upon your videos after discovering you on spotify whilst researching people's experiences with autism. I can relate with a lot of your stories and I enjoy your usual waffling. So keep doing these videos, they are great, insightful and enjoyable!

@AdultwithAutism

2 жыл бұрын

Ah welcome. Glad people are coming over from the audio podcasts! And don't worry, even if I run out of topics, I've got enough waffle in me to last several lifetimes.

I am waiting for as assessment and I always go backwards and forwards on whether I think I am autistic or not or whether it's just ADHD and social anxiety but watching your channel it's like yes finally an autistic person I can really relate to and describes exactly what I go through. I have so many similar thoughts to yours!

@AdultwithAutism

2 жыл бұрын

Good stuff! Happy to help 👍🏻

I am on the autism spectrum and had trouble with social cues. Thank you for this valuable video.

@AdultwithAutism

2 жыл бұрын

No problem at all

Hi Paul. I struggle to leave comments too, but I want to let you know how much I appreciate your videos. I strongly relate to everything that you talk about, and it’s really helpful as I am in a major burnout after forced changes at work that I am just not capable of. My employer simply does not care, so I am seeking a diagnosis privately too. It is what it is, but watching your videos has brought me comfort and is helping me seek clarity. Oh and I am female and in my 50s. Thank you 😊

@AdultwithAutism

11 ай бұрын

That feeling of knowing you have to chase a diagnosis JUST to make another human being listen to you is one I know well. I really hope it goes well, and if you ever need any advice on workplace adjustments...and their legal requirement to implement them, send me an email 👍🏻

@VonniC-bv2ow

11 ай бұрын

@@AdultwithAutism ooh I forgot to mention that I am in Australia. It’s so nice to know that you understand 😊

@AdultwithAutism

11 ай бұрын

Hmmm, well if there is a commensurate law like we have with the Equality Act, it won't be hard to link the ideas I'd imagine. We need to get past these bad bosses 👍🏻

Don't forget boris said it was a meeting involving drinking whilst working 🙄

@AdultwithAutism

2 жыл бұрын

Ah yes, and it took nearly a week to come up with that too 😂

@emmawood1232

2 жыл бұрын

@@AdultwithAutism anybody else will be sacked on the spot. But if he does resign we will just get another clown.

@AdultwithAutism

2 жыл бұрын

Absolutely. If politics worked, it wouldn't be as old as it is and as broken as it is. Never helps to have a posh person in charge either who has no idea what the real country is like. This is why I'm more interested in pj's, I can rely on them to bring me good feels 👍🏻

Yes.😊

@AdultwithAutism

11 ай бұрын

👍🏻

4:24 I heard about that when it happened in The USA. I was like wow seriously. In the Sim game I always choose not social personality, that way I don't have to even deal with socializing with NPCs lol. I really really feel you. I was just saying yesterday to my sister, why do you have to say hi unless your going to have a conversation or your meet up with your my mate. You know? I never make eye contact because you look at someone and they feel the need to talk to me. I'm never rude, but ugh.. please don't. I use emojis so people see my emotion behind what I'm saying. I've never left so many comments in my life. But you make me feel like I won't be judged by you. What you say makes perfect sense to me. I talk the same way. Drives my daughter crazy lol like ill explain something a million different ways. Because I'm not used to people understanding me the first time I say something.

@AdultwithAutism

4 ай бұрын

I don't give eye contact when being spoken to because I am listening...which I need my ears for! Why is that tricky for some to understand 👍🏼

I hate socialising. I have learned a few stock questions but when the other person asks questions back I freeze. I also have difficulty hearing conversations over background chatter. Everyone else is in deep conversation and I can’t hear a thing apart from white noise. My hearing is fine🤷‍♂️

@AdultwithAutism

6 ай бұрын

I'm the same with the background chatter, the rabble takes over and a single voice can't be heard any longer 👍🏻

Ditto

@AdultwithAutism

Жыл бұрын

👍🏻

As far as I'm concerned, marriage is a personal thing. You and the other person and the fact that they are now family and can make medical decisions for you over the bovine backside hats to whom such things might otherwise default. If being together isn't enough, why bother?

Mid video comment. Thanks, something you said maid me understand the mechanism why people often interrupt me when I'm about to speak. I most likely start too slowly, probably some part of my brain uses fraction of a second too much to check if the situation is suitable for speaking before I say anything, and then some NT person opens his/her mouth without hesitation and "cuts in front of" in the situation. And then I have to wait for the next opportunity to say something. I actually think quite many NT people don't wait their turn to speak, they probably don't know the rules of spoken interaction

@AdultwithAutism

2 жыл бұрын

We have two ears and one mouth for a reason...it's more important to listen than to talk. The problem is, in day to day life, I don't get to speak at all. Its hardest when something goes wrong or could have been avoided, and you could forsee this, but no one gave your voice any volume to be heard. That is when it hits me hard.

@AdultwithAutism

2 жыл бұрын

Same. It's frustrating, especially when people tell you that you're being quiet. Of course I am, there isn't much point in me talking if you're going to talk over me!