I was hyper focused on my relationship. I read articles to help my partner deal with her mental health issues, I prioritized her over myself, etc. by the end of it, I was worn down into raw nerve and just hurt. I let myself be mistreated and used because of how fearful I was of rejection. Now that she’s dumped me, I’m left to pick up the pieces. Much love to everyone struggling with adhd. You are not alone.

@lilyinthewater161

2 жыл бұрын

Hang in there buddy.

@saintultra2737

2 жыл бұрын

@@lilyinthewater161 good news. She got help for her psychological issues and is now encouraging me to do the same. We got back together last August and are where we need to be. I thank god, or whoever, that we both realized that BOTH of us patience and empathy. Best wishes to you as well ♥️

@UNcommonSenseAUS

2 жыл бұрын

Same here brother. Married a vulnerable narcissist. Got abused for the best part of 20 years.

@nisha5461

2 жыл бұрын

​@@saintultra2737 m very happy for u . God bless you both !

@johnz6859

Жыл бұрын

I relate to this so much. How long were you guys apart before being able to work things out together?

My boyfriend and I are about to celebrate that we've been together for two years...I told him from the beginning that I have ADHD. Not only did he understand and accepted it, he even made his final proyect in university about it. He understands why I do some things I do, and he loves me for me. I've never felt so accepted and loved. I just hope everything stays this well :) I really hope everyone is happy. Don't lose hope in yourself, you deserve love.

@abbyolsvensson2413

4 жыл бұрын

Good luck! I’ve been with my adhd partner for 8 years and we’re now getting married. It’s hard sometimes for both parties but you can get through it as long as you both are willing to communicate

@Ihopeitsshittyattheblackdog

4 жыл бұрын

You are lucky :)

@demimiller8437

3 жыл бұрын

Hi I love your story, My husbands family swept it under the rug his whole life, so he never felt the need to tell me about it as if it wasn't a thing. I quickly noticed something is sooo off, and just not adding up, I started to do some digging and yes it's definitely ADHD. So we are going to start working on this. The sad part is he is a man that likes to feel like a "stereotypical man" but I know that's not possible. I honestly find myself just letting the relationship flow how it is, I ignore it and get busy doing other things and taking care of the girls and myself and just helping him where he needs it. It just feels like we aren't a so called "perfect Match " and it makes me sad that we can't have a super deep connection because it just seems like he isn't really mentally available to the level I might need anyway. I hope somehow this can get better.

@NoName-md6fd

3 жыл бұрын

Thank you

@The_Kirk_Lazarus

2 жыл бұрын

You're very attractive and I'm certain your personality is very similar to your appearance. So, your guy knows he's got himself quite a catch. A great partner isn't someone that's perfect. It's our imperfections that are what make us unique. As my wife always says, "Normal is boring." Good luck in your adventures together.

I married the most organized woman on the planet. 8+ years together thus far. It's been an interesting ride.

@unicornwitchprincess1004

4 жыл бұрын

Congrats! I'm assuming you're the ADHD partner? What strategies have you formed to make the relationship work?

@tillypanda2668

3 жыл бұрын

Omfg yes my husband is a veteran! And everything is tidy! But I can’t for the life of me 😤

@The_Kirk_Lazarus

3 жыл бұрын

@@unicornwitchprincess1004 Working on one part at a time to improve that area. Good communication is so important as well. Letting them know what you are having trouble with and showing that you are trying.

@unicornwitchprincess1004

3 жыл бұрын

@@The_Kirk_Lazarus Thank you, friend! :-)

@thabompala6524

3 жыл бұрын

My girl is also super organised and clean. Its helping me improve but she still doesn't know I have Adhd

the day I told my boyfriend I've been diagnosed, the only thing he said was: "so what? I have ADHD, too" and I've loved him more everyday since. He's the only one who takes me as I am and actually understands my struggles. Also I think there is a special mental connection when you both function similarly. We struggle sometimes with the emotions of the other but there's never any judgement, because you just get it.

@flutenanyidk1806

4 жыл бұрын

I have a guy friend from band that basically became my big brother. He's awesome. I'd talked about having ADHD with him at the beginning of the year and I think he kept that in mind because whenever I was really struggling to set something right, becoming frustrated and ashamed, he would try his best to make it easier for me or correct me before anyone else caught me. He has ADHD too. It's nice to be understood. Surrounding yourself with people who have the same problems as you can be helpful because it's like a support group.

@xXLadySunXx

4 жыл бұрын

@@flutenanyidk1806 amen

@abbysworld05

3 жыл бұрын

It’s really special, both my boyfriend and I have adhd and I noticed a lot of differences from this relationship to the last one I had which was my first one, it’s mostly how they were acting cuz my last one started disrespecting me the second we got official and didn’t show effort but the one I’m with now is still respecting me like he always has even though I’m worried if he will change but I feel like he won’t

"Your likely to be a bad listener" he said as I was already reading the comments and realized I forgot to listen to the video 😂

I find the complete oposite. Im too focused on relationships at the detriment of everything else

@harleyemmerson979

4 жыл бұрын

See that's how it starts for me then i just lose interest, it becomes tedious and i have so many other things that i end up paying attention to

@cygnusfloyd

4 жыл бұрын

There's your hyperfocus lol.

@OVXX666

4 жыл бұрын

same omg

@OVXX666

4 жыл бұрын

i would constantly text him until he'd get frustrated

@1Pineapple

4 жыл бұрын

Yeah, it's way more exciting to work on a relationship than to work with yourself! 😇😹

I couldnt even watch this without my mind wandering off xD

@pierdabonita9093

3 жыл бұрын

Same 😂😂😂

@Mark-zq7xk

3 жыл бұрын

Same 100 times

@broken98100

3 жыл бұрын

its a shame.. i couldnt either and i need to hear this..

@dean107

3 жыл бұрын

yeah same. im in the comments RN and i even checked the speed of the video ( i already had it sped up didnt even notice!)

I knew my wife had it since before we were even together, but I never understood just how bad it effects every aspect of someone’s life. For years we’ve had issues because I thought she didn’t care, was just lazy, was immature, or didn’t listen, and like she was selfish. She just recently opened up to me more about. I thought she really wasn’t into this relationship anymore. I’ve just recently started doing lots of research into it, and my goodness, it like listening to everything we’ve been living. In retrospect, I feel terrible for a lot of the things I’ve said over the years and how it must have made her feel. If I wasn’t so ignorant and had known everything I know now, I would have been so much more understanding. I wish I could go back and do things differently from the start. I apologized to her and owned up to how wrong I was and admitted I had slowly become toxic without realizing it. I’ve been doing things so much more differently with all the patience in the world. She’s also been finally opening up to me more than she ever has. She thought I’d judge her and leave her if I knew the full extent of it and just avoided the issue for years. She ended up sending me some videos and articles on the subject because she didn’t know how to say it herself first, and said it would mean a lot to her if I could watch and read them. I have a very different perspective now and a new appreciation for our relationship. I feel like I know her better than ever. Now when things happen, it just clicks in my brain. “Oh, she must be feeling overwhelmed, let me help out/finish the task. Forgot this again, no biggie.” Now that I get it, things just dont bother me anymore. It is what it is, she’s been working on doing more to improve and has been doing great. We’re still making some adjustments here and there, but i have high hopes. Man, I know I’m writing a novel right now, but it’s like a once you see it you cant unsee it thing if that makes sense. Maybe an “AHA moment” is a better way to describe it? Now when things happens it just like “ah, okay, this means my partner wants this, feels this certain way, actually means this, that’s why this didn’t happen, this is why she didn’t hear what I said” but I can see the signs now. Okay she’s spacing out, i’ll wait for her to come back to this universe before I finish and sit waiting and smiling lol She’s probably gonna forget, better leave her note for the morning. Let me text her so she doesn’t forget that thing she wants on the way home. I dont and cant see any of the bad things I thought in the past anymore. Idk, I just understand her on such a deep level now. I love the woman, she is who she is, and we’ve both been making the necessary adjustments needed, especially in the area of open and honest communication. We’re better than ever. If your partner struggles with ADHD and you truly love them. Please, go educate yourself and do the necessary research. It’ll change you view both yourself and the person you’re with. I became so mean out of pure ignorance and lack of understanding. I regret a lot and Idk how she stuck through it all for so long. She must really love me. For a long time I stayed because I love her for who she is, but I always thought she just had the worst bad habits and got more impatient and irritable over time and just gradually more inflammatory and any little thing would set me of calling her a liar, selfish, lazy, saying no one forgets like that all the time, why dont you ever listen when I’m talking to you…all this shit. And the entire time non of the things I thought were true in any way. She literally was trying. We were honestly living in two separate worlds together. I’m glad she finally opened up (7 years later lol) and started me down the path to truly understanding the struggles people with ADHD have. Hearing other people talk about it and hearing the stories of other relationships where one person has it and the other didn’t and mirrored our marriage so much. It’s made me to do a little soul searching and is helping me to become a better person. The things that used to trigger a negative response from me now make me think “huh, wonder how she’s doing today. Whats got her feeling overwhelmed? And when it comes to doing things around the house, I just accept that some tasks are just too much for her. She still tries because she wants to help, making some improvements, bless her soul, but she knows if she cant do it that day, I’ll finish when I get home from work. Or in our bedroom, she’ll the little things like the TV stand, head board, she’ll vacuum. Put a bag of laundry or two in front of her to fold and hang up and she just shuts down. The can get through it if we do it together, but if she’s not home, it’s my task and I accept it. I love her, We plan to be together for the rest of our lives. I’m willing to put in some extra work and to have patience. And to be honest, I’m still leaning new things here and there. I almost have an obsession now with understanding every little aspect of ADHD. Anything I can do to help her improve and to support her along the way now that I understand. In a way the more I understand her the more I understand myself. If you had said to me before I met her “hey this is the kind of stuff you’ll be willing to put up with for someone” i’d have laughed at you and said it sounds like waste of time. Right now, I’d rather do nothing more. And she has been doing so much and is doing better at recognizing when she’s spacing out, spending to much time with distractions, leaving reminders for herself in place she cant miss them. And I started noticing the small things and acknowledging them. Thank you for cleaning the ceiling fan, and boom! Oh wait! I forgot the other one didn’t I? And we laugh about it. But she appreciates that I notice the small things and acknowledge them because it helps her know that I see she’s making efforts in her own way. It helps her feel more at ease that I just roll with it now, no more anger, arguments, miscommunications, negative emotions or reactions from either of us. The dynamics in the marriage are much different in such a good way. It’s like we’ve finally found that perfect balance between us. We compliment each other where needed. I have my own issues and she knows how to deal with that. We dont even need to talk at times to know exactly what the other is thinking. Once glance and we know lol we understand each others personal languages better. Im glad I educated myself more on this topic, it literally saved our marriage.

@mariabelkina4639

8 ай бұрын

Too cute ❤️ Thank You. Someone I love..I guess could have it..and your massage made me cry a little 🥹 just in case I’m learning more, cause I wanna understand …no matter what it will be in future, I believe love is about understanding🙏🏼🥲🫶🏽

@beckystevens984

6 ай бұрын

Wish my partner can see how it effects me more. Sometimes he does the says loads of stuff to show how much he don’t get me and just doesn’t want the stress

I never took my ADHD seriously before because nobody else ever did, so I assumed that most of these problems that I have were just unrelated deeprooted issues in my psyche. Now that I'm watching your channel and How To ADHD, and I see that all of these seemingly endless problems that I've struggled to pin down and name are a part of my ADHD and it makes so much more sense. I wish that I had information like this available to me when I was a kid.

@ojokehindeemmanuel9219

3 жыл бұрын

I caught my boyfriend cheating when I used @FEMHACKER I. G Instagram on+14087712100 on strot tech to view his messages my eyes only, I needed to be sure his wasn't seeing someone else. He helped me and everything is going on well

@devsie11915

2 жыл бұрын

This is so real. I hate that ADHD is a joke in the media. I never took it seriously either until I started researching and realizing that so many of my problems in life are related to ADHD

@dstinnettmusic

Жыл бұрын

The knowledge “I am not the only person who struggles with these things” is a really empowering thing….

@freddiemehrcurry428

9 ай бұрын

You have phrased everything so perfect for me here. It is exactly the feeling I had for over 30 years now. It feels so warm and comfortable to finally know I am not alone with this. Thank you!

I married a great guy with dyslexia and probably some other issue I can't figure out. I likely have ADD But anyhow we make a good team. Not perfect as we both are disorganized, messy but we manage to help each other through it. He is the one person I feel like I can be myself with and no judgement.

@demimiller8437

3 жыл бұрын

Yes I love the part where you are free to be yourself with your husband I feel the same in that regard. I just also miss being able to connect on a deeper level. I don't have any diagnosis so idk if it makes it harder for me personally but my hubby is so sweet and amazing I love that guy, I wish he didn't have to go through this, it obviously frustrates him, I also wonder if its fare for me sometimes

2 marriages 2 divorces no fights. I was not made to be married. The relationships just faded away.

@ADHDMastery

4 жыл бұрын

And that's okay!

@spacehog4188

4 жыл бұрын

No fights= no communications. Everytime I meet a couple who doesn't fight, they never last. Emotions are natural, tension is natural. If you never overcome tension, the relationship will never progress. You most likely were not going into those relationships as your honest self. Being honest with yourself and others causes not only interest, but healthy adversity.

@DavidWebsterAD

4 жыл бұрын

@@spacehog4188 I went into the relationships not knowing I was ADD.

@1Pineapple

4 жыл бұрын

@@spacehog4188 Kids Fight, Adults hold their horses and have healthy discussions 😇 Yelling and being irrational when presenting an issue (saying "YOU do this and that!" rather than "I feel this and that when you do this.." etc) does not do anything but hurt the other part- and most likely making them defensive.. I've fought as a spartan in all of my relationships (my mom tried to raise an independent feminazi and almost succeeded 😂) and all have ended bad because non of us had the language to break up properly(or even just the realisation that the relationship should end 🙈). On the other hand an old couple I grew up around lasted until the man died very old and théy were always very harmonic even when they were disagreeing, so I don't know what we can learn from each our statements, other than "Some fighting couples last" and "some calm couples last" ...😅 Even some physically abusive couples lasts 'till death does them apart as well, so I rly don't think staying together forever necessarily is a criteria of a good relationship btw...😅 In fact, people who manage to split up in a friendly tone, THOSE are the people we should be jealous of! 😻 They always seem to end up together anyways, if it was meant to be after all, when they have worked on what needed to be worked on for them to be happy in their relationship- but even if they don't they can just stay friends and support each other when needed, without reading too much into it, whereas aggressive types often have a hard time letting go of a relationship in fear of being alone, so they will hold on to even unhealthy relationships(abusive relationships are often sprouted out of fear in my experience) just to avoid the rejection. And even WHEN they are rejected they will not accept that fact... I would never dare to enter a toxic relationship ever again at least! No matter how charming a fight can sound in Italian, it still tires you out and can feel very abusive in the long run, when that's the only way left to communicate with your partner 😅

@1Pineapple

4 жыл бұрын

@@spacehog4188 My essay put short: Fighting is what happens when we fail to communicate 😇

I have not yet been diagnosed but when I was 17 an ex told me I get bored and move on easily. When I was 25 a different ex told me my mind is always in the clouds. My girlfriend now is so understanding and patient with me, but she knows I'm working on bettering myself. This video has helped solidify some courses of action for me.

Ive been really enjoying your videos. I suspected my mum has ADHD by observation for a few years now. She can't sit still, gets up and leaves the room & does something else (like put on a load of washing) mid way through me talking to her & has restlessness & problems in her relationship. I always thought it was bi polar, because she can fly off the handle at any moment & seems selfish. But I've realised I have some issues with restlessness, being "hot & cold" with my attentiveness & cannot for the life of me be a tidy person. I know I need to try and tackle my tidyness issue, but I'm realising I never really try. It just gets to the point where I do a mad rush tidy at the last minute, much like other things in my life. So thank you for sharing your knowledge.

I’ve been with my boyfriend for two years and he has adhd. It’s a lot to handle and I’m constantly reading and watching videos on how to accept it and understand it better. When you love someone so much, you try so hard to be strong and understanding of their needs. The impulsiveness and the blurting out mean things I can’t seem to take well because I’m a sensitive person. I really hope I’ll learn to accept the fact that he can’t help his verbal diarrhoea.

@ADHDMastery

4 жыл бұрын

Not to be a home wrecker, but if you have to fofce yourself to accept it so much you're in the wrong relationship. Being selfless isn't always a good thing if your needs aren't being met.

@megancondo4109

4 жыл бұрын

Yes I understand, unfortunately things are easier said then done. I can’t just walk out on someone, who I know doesn’t mean what they say. I just need to remain patient and hope that one day he will really realize the words are hurtful.

@blynbb

4 жыл бұрын

They have hdhd but they are still responsible for the mean things they say.

@Rose_rose-roxx

3 жыл бұрын

I’m on the same boat 😭 I’m trying make it work with my boyfriend, he has ADHD and I can’t seem to figure him out. 😭 any help would be appreciated.

@steffanidurandelgado8617

2 жыл бұрын

Same, seems like a spiral sometimes, is not that the person is bad or out of love, I see it like this, the emotions can be so strong even on normal situations that seems crazy to react on such little, is like an adrenaline rush for them, you can see them go up and then down, gets harder if you are a sensitive person and introvert dealing on your own and always leading the way to grow, feels also very lonely for the partner cause you put all yourself into it to try and help them, talk to them, but at the end is his choice to be better, to control mean words, to prevent ADHD to mess with the love you feel. You can not do all the effort cause then he wil turn into your son and not your partner.

Jealousy and letting thoughts run wild are a huge problem. Keep working at it.

Taken me forever to find videos that I can relate to my own life and situations. Good work man, very helpful. Feels like I'm sitting there having a conversation with you instead of watching a video. 👍🏻👍🏻

This is a great video. I've been researching ADHD for 4+ years so I can better understand my boyfriend. LOL, how is it I've never come across an ADHD Management video before?? Anyway, your advice is on point...and so true. Especially your last sentence. As long as I see my boyfriend trying his hardest, I will not give up on him.

@demimiller8437

3 жыл бұрын

Aw my hubby and I made four years this month, his family ignored his ADHD his whole life. I am trying to help him understand this is real and it will effect you if you do not take action. It gets really hard for me sometimes but I love him to pieces, I am just not used to being with men that I usually have to take charge in everything.

Ive been single for 10 years because I know I cant be in a relationship. I am happier alone. I find it hard to find a healthy relationship and I dont want to hurt anybody.

I wasn't diagnosed with ADHD. I just happened to come across this channel. Everything you're saying is exactly what I'm going through. It's getting worse lately. I'm thinking more and more about going to therapy.

@Dancestar1981

3 жыл бұрын

Definitely go to therapy

@mariaruning4919

6 ай бұрын

Whats the progress? ❤

Every video from you has been excellent. I'm quite impressed. Thank you for all the work you put into helping others. It's so worth it! Great job!

@ADHDMastery

5 жыл бұрын

Thanks Heather, appreciate it!

Because of rsd and an abusive upbringing, I developed an insanely overwhelming people pleasing complex. This coupled with hyper focus led to very manipulative relationships. Where all I wanted was to do was keep them perfectly happy and make them think they’re on top of the world and that Im awesome. It’s embarrassing to think back on

Thank you for this video. My boyfriend and I are currently working through my ADHD problems and this helped me realize that I need to make change before its too late!

Hi Stuart ! Thanks for your channel. I'm a French girl diagnosed with ADHD and thanks to your video content, I'm taking the way of acceptance and self love, despite of the despair I live in for sooooo long. Failing at being normal, that could be the title of my life.

I walked away from 2y relationship with a man with adhd, his anger outburst destroyed us. I spoke to him over and over again about fighting over small things. I couldn’t take the constant arguing and walking on eggshells. 🤔

This really helped me, thanks. My girlfriend broke up with me a month ago and I got diagnosed with ADD like 3 months ago, and even tho I kinda knew for a bit longer that im sometimes too emotional and egoistic, I just realized it now. I also was getting more and more uninvested in the relationship and put less effort in it

I had to leave my marriage because of his refusal to work on his ADHD. If he was bored, he wanted his dopamine and needed something to keep his brain occupied, so he would find something to fight about. But the second I even showed an ounce of emotion to him coming and criticizing me, he got flare of RSD. Which lead to him yelling. But his ADHD never made him perceive what he was doing as yelling, even though the neighbors were always calling the cops with noise complaints from his yelling when he picked these fights. I have a trauma disorder from an extremely physically and emotionally abusive and neglectful childhood. When we tried counseling, the therapist said all of this stemmed from his ADHD, and I... Just had to deal with him constantly criticizing me, yelling at me, and I could never ever ever ever EVER be even a *little* upset that he left the milk out overnight and I just had to accept that I would do 90% of the housework. Because that is how you accommodate adhd. He didn't have to do anything to take responsibility for his actions. His adhd was a get out of responsibility free card. He was SHOCKED when I left. But his RSD yelling had warped into verbal abuse, with him demeaning me during it and calling me names and even slurs during his rsd episodes. Adhd does not excuse calling your partner who belongs to a minority group a slur. His therapist thought I wasn't being "understanding enough" about the seriousness of his ADHD. I didn't think either were being serious enough about my ptsd and how it was being worsened by living w a man who verbally abused me. Take your adhd symptoms seriously! If he'd taken an ounce of responsibility for his actions, I would have been a little more understanding.

Your videos causes ADHD I keep rewinding them, I can't focus with all this charm you have.💜

There's this low-frequency sound in the video. I matched it to 50 htz.

@Yerfdog1

4 жыл бұрын

I heard it too! You may have SPD like me lol.

@dwhit7451

4 жыл бұрын

Don’t hear it

@bluemamba5317

4 жыл бұрын

It's just the longest fart you've ever hear. No biggie. Just a longie.

@Chicken42069p

4 жыл бұрын

Yeah it's pretty loud

@CUTTHISSHITOUT

4 жыл бұрын

Dont hear a thing

I have problem keeping friendship since people have high expectation. Those expectation is kind of easy task for ordinary people but it's a struggle to people with ADHD. I hope society understand more about us, ones with adhd 🤒🤒🤒

@soulTraveller144

2 жыл бұрын

Ordinairy people are boring ;)

Thank you VERY MUCH for your honesty and humility. And for these videos! Life-changing, really. Keep up the good work.

It is so nice to find more and more help here on KZread. I was recently diagnosed with ADHD.. and I am Inattentive ADHD.

I love videos like this because it’s helped me get a better understanding of how my girlfriend is I was always wondering why the relationship felt completely one-sided but after watching videos and more videos of ADHD, and doing more research, I found it easier to understand her. Now the only real problem between us is that considering we’re both too introvert it’s really hard to communicate with her because we feel so awkward about each other.

Strangely, once I was diagnosed and treated, my marriage started to fall apart. I became less willing to tolerate my partner treating me badly. I say it’s strange because every other part of my life improved, including home and finances. I became more able to trust my gut. When somebody shows you who they are, believe them (over what they claim).

Thanks for your helpful tips here. These explain alot of my experiences and feelings throughout my life which I never fully understood.

I have Adhd I’m a teenager and I’m not ready to date yet. It’s difficult for me so I need to control myself sometimes and practice my social skills.

@ojokehindeemmanuel9219

3 жыл бұрын

Hello handsome

@ojokehindeemmanuel9219

3 жыл бұрын

Just forget about the past and move on everyone has past

Love the content man! I just recently figured I have inattentive ADHD & everything makes so much sense now. The reason why I would find pursuing girls more interesting than actually being in a relationship. & if I was in a relationship that’s where all my focus went and the rest of my life just went to hell… Why I most likely created toxic relationships, unintentionally, because I acted too impulsively. I’ve had plenty of opportunities with girls and I’ve seemed to unintentionally either be too insensitive with them or just over pursue some of them.

I'm in a long term relationship with someone who has ADHD. I've found it's immensely helpful to learn about the condition, I have so much more empathy and understanding for my partner now they I know almost every single one of the little things he does that irritates me is correlated with ADHD. it's especially helped when he gets emotional at small things and perceives neutral or even mildly positive things as an attack or unfair criticism. Before we used to just butt heads so much but now I can see his behavior and realize where it's coming from. He said he also feels less inclined to act out because "you can see through it". It's also been extremely helpful to be as kind and supportive as I can be. Of course, there are times when I snap and it all becomes too much for me. But for the most part, when I support him, work on my communication and the signals I put out, and try to understand the world through his eyes a bit more, he can see we're on the same side and makes more of an effort to be a good partner to me as well. Your videos have been immensely helpful in this regard, and if there are any ADHD partners here, it's fantastic that you are here and your relationship will improve with patience.

Its hard to catch yourself doing something when you dont realize your doing it, till its done lol.

Thank you I will consider all fo this.... it´s begin really hard for me to keep calm

to be honest me and my boyfriend have adhd and he gets bored easily :/ It’s really hard to have conversations with him but I still love him~

Your a v good looking guy, there’s the right person out there for you.

thank you so much for making this video. i have had poor relationship management throughout my entire life. It frustrated me and made me feel like i am a loser and no one is going to love me again. But when i am on my medication, i can finally control my feeling and impulsivity. You are so right about we need to keep practicing our to be a better person even we have medication. again, thank you for letting me know that there are people understanding my feeling in this world From HONG KONG!!!!

The incentive to improve is awesome! Just a reminder of healthy dynamics: Communication is a two way bridge. Never rely on a partner to just sense of figure out what`s going on. Both parts have to bring things up instead of just behaving in a bad mood expecting the other person to sense what is going on. Surely working on that skill can be highly beneficial though 😁

I have ADHD (and 'mild' Autism) and none of my relationships last longer than 3 months. My partners always get fed up with me. They always say i'm great and the problems them not me, but clearly the problem IS me as every girlfriend for the last 30+ years gives me the same line. I've been on my own for the last 9 years, but I'm not looking for anyone...I have my hobbies, plus I'm starting my own business and I'm perfectly happy.

For me one of the biggest problems with ADHD and dating is the "Social Life Aspect" as generally a lot of people with ADHD totally suck at making friends and at maintaining healthy long standing friendships. However, when you begin to date someone new then this person seems to expect that... A) You have a fun active social life yourself packed with friends. B) That you are a social person who will get on with their friends. C) That you are a social person who will get on with their family. The problem being with ADHD I'm good at exactly none of that stuff. I find it virtually impossible to make new friends and manage healthy long lasting friendships of my own, never mind magically getting on with my new partners friends and family as well. That I'm terrible at making friends anyway and with ADHD there is about a 98% chance my partners friends and family won't really like me either and will find me socially awkward. This feels like someone saying.... I love you! But only if you have a good social life and get on with my friends and family as well. You must have a good social life and friends - With ADHD I suck at this. You must get along with my friends - With ADHD I suck at this. You must get along with my family - With ADHD I suck at this. Relationship over. I would not class myself as an anti social or dangerous person, but I do have bad social skills and generally am feeling to overwhelmed by everything else in my life so have a happy and healthy social life. That with a full time job, house, car, bills, responsibilities that finding the time to sleep and eat properly can be a challenge never mind having an amazing social life as well. I find it very hard to make friends anyway, then add working full time and responsibilities with houses, cars, cleaning, shopping and everything else all piled on your head then sure its virtually impossible for me to make healthy long lasting friendships. But now I start dating someone new and they fully expect me to have a social life... To have friends... To get along with their friends... To get along with their family. If I can't get on with my own friends how the hell am I suppose to get on with yours!

@WatchingNinja

2 жыл бұрын

I encourage you to see a therapist. I have ADHD and I have friends. A lot of my issues were from toxic family life, not my ADHD.

@jeremiahmills9276

2 жыл бұрын

Ong that is not adhd that's something else respectfully

So nice to watch an Innatentive type. People often say its not real adhd because I'm not hyper. I tend to jump to wrong conclusions.

Thank you for the good advices. I do interrupt too much. I feel so bad about it. I’m working on it hard though. I’ve fallen for the love bombing too many times unfortunately. I’ve attracted the wrong type for me. But I’ve learned a lot and now I can read red flags. I know the right person you’re talking about exists, maybe one day it will happen for me too.

I’m really enjoying your videos. Love the fact you’re so real. Thank you.

Great vid! Thanks for that. (And for being so good looking! Why aren't people talking about this?!)

Being too honest Is difficult! Like telling the truth is one thing but sometimes oversharing too soon is not so simple

i am litterally killing me by anxiety to adapt to the society, espesialy when i overthink about what i look like to other, and thinking about what i think etc etc

@soulTraveller144

2 жыл бұрын

General society is not something you should want to adapt to ;)

Am i the only one who constantly throws stuff out by mistake because when I'm tidying i pick rubbish up when i putting things away i was constantly losing stuff 🙃 by accident by throwing stuff out i should be putting away 😱 Penny finaly droped with medication now i try to put stuff away with out picking rubbish up & always check what it is I'm putting in the bin just incase lol..Love this channel its helpt me alot keep the amazing work up 💯👏💚🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿✌

Turns out, Normals expect you to talk to them at least once a day to maintain a "relationship." 8 can't be arsed to deal with daily texts, it's often too mentally/emotionally taxing for me. I don't need that cluttering up my brain.

@meghansullivan6812

3 жыл бұрын

SAME SAME SAME

@soulTraveller144

2 жыл бұрын

Not shure i habe adhd but i habe other stuff and also find that impossible.. i only make friends with ppl who accept i may not text back for a few months 😂😂

@ColorMeIn

2 жыл бұрын

I hate how much I relate to this because I want to make friends so badly but I find the constant communication so exhausting to maintain.

I horrible in relationships. I've given up. It's emotions, I spend too much, I don't trust, I lose patience if they are slow, or if I feel ignored.

Thanks for the channel it’s good to know others struggle and there is help

"Why don't you listen to me?!" Well, were you talking TO me or AT me? I mean, did you make sure I was focused on you, like did you make an eye contact? Or were you just calling over a room or talking while I was reading, fixing something, playing games, driving, taking a walk, thinking and looking around? Or even worse, did you stick in something important in the chatter of a small talk?

I'm getting a lot from your videos, so thanks man!

My Ex boyfriend actually loved my ADD personality and helped me a lot with accepting myself... on the other side he was abusive and even violent at the end. Of corse I had to leave him but now I wonder if I will ever meet again a man who is so open positiv about my ADD 😔

@soulTraveller144

2 жыл бұрын

You will ♡

@nataliap2705

2 жыл бұрын

Yes you will! And better than you can ever imagine 💜 I can sense you’re a very unique and fun woman 😉 and never ever accept abuse (youre learn hard way as many of us do) and I am so sorry that you had to experience that violence make sure you get some help to process those emotions‘ k?💜

My boyfriend have a adhd and I still love him 😭🙈

@myxxsha

3 жыл бұрын

Same😩even though he gets on my nerves sometimes

@soppa112

3 жыл бұрын

Love me

@soppa112

3 жыл бұрын

I need love

I think this is a great advice video but for every one not only for ADHD . Thank you. I wish everyone accepted the idea of training like a skil the way you interact and take care of your relationships, but I believe society makes us think that it's romantic to wait until something happens instead of actually acting and reacting

My boyfriend is ADHD. He relates to me in ways no one else ever has. He accepts me for my deep rooted anger which has come out so many times when he has "ghosted" me. I have been so mean to him because he's made me feel so unimportant and unloved. I have PTSD and he knows it. He hurts me so badly that I go into dark depression. I'll admit, he's ending another relationship and it is because their love died years ago. He's an alcoholic and I've been very supportive of his dark depression and the PTSD he too struggles with. His other partner speaks down to him like a child and makes him feel low of himself. He fell for me because he said I made him feel more loved and appreciated than anyone ever has. I started therapy. I don't expect anyone to feel bad for me, because I'm the one he's cheating with. But I've heard the way she speaks to him on the phone, and it drove me into a *fury.* Her tone of voice like nails on a chalkboard, screaming at him as if he was 5 years old. No one could live like that. I want to be with him as he seems to be the only one who understands me. I believe people with ADHD somehow "get" other people in ways that "regular" people don't. It is as if you have very deep hearts, and though you may not be able to say things you want to say, there are those of us who can sense that you don't want us to walk away. The problem is, it becomes the hardest thing on earth when we too, hurt as deeply as you do, with our own emotional disregulation. You can scar us with your inattentive behaviors, and make us feel we are fighting dragons for you, for nothing in return but the 'sense' and the hope that you love us that much in return. It can be paralyzing when one loves someone with ADHD and wants to give them all the love they could possibly hope for, while wishing we could receive it in return. But... you let us suffer and wait, or you do not speak words to us that make us feel you even care. And some of us wonder if your love even exists at all. To someone like me, it feels as if YOU (paraphrasing), being the one I've waited for my whole life, just see me as someone who will never be able to "afford" or "deserve" your love.

Great video, really, thanks man, you really know what you´re talking about, your videos are really helpful, thanks man.

@ADHDMastery

5 жыл бұрын

So happy I can help

I’m someone who doesn’t know if i have ADHD/ADD or not. somethings i notice about myself but can’t control or it’s really hard to control is i get frustrated really easy & stressed, my mood can be fine but then switch up to where i feel like doing nothing in a second. i’ve watched some videos about symptoms of ADHD/ADD & can relate to pretty much everything. I’m currently in a 1 year relationship, longest i’ve been in. It was fine in the beginning but now i feel myself basically giving up or not trying. i don’t understand why since i know she’s the one & she’s definitely someone i don’t want to loose because i know i actually do love her. i basically have to force & try so hard to make sure i give no attitude or anything like that because she doesn’t deserve to be treated that way... but my head is all over the place at times & i can’t seem to stop it nor control it

@NSW-ye3xw

4 жыл бұрын

Stress, anxiety and depression can have similar symptoms to ADHD/ADD. They not to misdiagnose yourself.

@megancondo4109

4 жыл бұрын

My boyfriend is the same way! He’s always more focused on his friends or whatever it is that day that he’s interested in. It doesn’t mean you love your partner less, it just means your a bit bored. Spice it up! Take her out and do something you like!

Thank you so much for your content, you've helped me alot

I’d love to join a support group for adhd☺️

The guy i like has ADHD and he listens better than any guy ive ever met

@Jam-tr1ny

2 жыл бұрын

ADHD can be hyperfocused as well.

Wow you are super honest and thanks for sharing your experience!

Going to be 29 in 2021, longest realtionship I've had lasted a year with somebody who was really understanding. I've had some toxic realtionships as well

I'm using this video as a lesson and I keep playing it, everytime I feel I need reminding. Thank you :)

I have adhd and I can’t even get dates let alone ever have had a relationship

@ADHDMastery

4 жыл бұрын

Work on your game

@tperm8075

3 жыл бұрын

@@ADHDMastery if it only was that easy lol

@ADHDMastery

3 жыл бұрын

@@tperm8075 It's *not* easy!

I was up all night thinking about what’s wrong with my ex . Something is off. I woke up and wondered if he has adhd. If he does I feel so bad 🥺😞 I really feel like he does smh 🤦🏾‍♀️ I handled things horribly .

Due to my ADHD I really lost interest in socialising with people. The only people that I enjoy are calm, confident and accepting. I do not get along with the rest.

@soppa112

3 жыл бұрын

Alia

Very interesting to hear about the ADHD experience from male point of view. Thank you for sharing :) Also what did you study in university? I'm about to go back but this time round I am aware of my diagnosis and am interested to see how I can handle it.

I actually had cbt this year and my bf said he can see a massive diffrence since iv stopped going. It really helped me but I was only able to have 18 sessions and iv not actually been diagnosed with adhd iv always found it hard to explain how I feel and thought most of it was normal 😂

@Dancestar1981

3 жыл бұрын

Often we repress emotions until we explode it’s not healthy

Relationships make me very anxious. I learned to be afraid of emotional signals from negative social interactions so I kind of hyper focus on everything. This expresses as a social anxiety and a over-obsession that can be offputting to a lot of people, or really charming to a lot of people depending on your outlook. Like I’m so nervous around you but I’m clearly thinking about you all the time….the. It slowly fades as the novelty wears off and I get mad at the person for not making me feel like they used to make me fee… Thankfully I met someone, and I also learned some strategies to manage myself in relationships a bit better.

CBT is costly.

@plumbetty

4 жыл бұрын

Listen to podcasts that offer strategies. These strategies are often based on CBT concepts. I’ve been listening to ‘I have ADHD’ and it’s brilliant. Go for a long walk and stick your headphones in 😊👍🏻

@shubhankarsharma8705

2 жыл бұрын

@@plumbetty where can I find the I have adhd podcast

@plumbetty

2 жыл бұрын

@@shubhankarsharma8705 I found it on Apple podcasts (by Kristen Carder)

I am 29 and have recently been diagnosed with Inattentive ADHD.. My path to getting diagnosed came about after my relationship of 8 years blew up in my face. I was very complacent and even though I felt my partner and I were always on the same page as far as what we wanted for our relationship and our life… My complacency ultimately lead to my parter and I disconnecting and she became incredibly lonely and and up cheating and leaving me. We had a house, 2 cars and a 7 year old daughter.. Unfortunately it took something so life shattering to finally bring to my attention that something wasn’t right with me… Something just wasn’t clicking, I wasn’t the partner and father I wanted to be.. I was heavily addicted to video games and never had the mental capacity to be present in our relationship.. Now that I’ve been diagnosed everything that I have struggled with makes so much sense.. Thank you for creating your channel and helping spread information and education about ADHD.. I hope there are many people out there who realise they are struggling before it’s too late.

@alouise3557

Жыл бұрын

Do you have any recommendations for me? I am in suffering. My boyfriend was engaging in patterns of ignoring and ghosting me (usually just disappearing for a night). I felt he was testing me because I have major emotional disregulation, so when I get my feelings hurt, I go into major depression, and hurt to my core. I begin accusing him of cheating, using me, etc., when he disappears. So he started getting extremely hurt and said I'm "two different people." I am. One who loves him deeply and is so happy when he's attentive, and one who loves him deeply but feel extremely hurt, lonely and isolated. When I say "hurt"... I mean... emotional disregulation from PTSD kind of hurt. The kind of hurt that makes me feel completely worthless, and start thinking bad thoughts. I'll be honest, this has led me to outbursts on texts against him when he doesn't respond. I learned about adhd and I know it may be the case that his adhd was causing these behaviors of going hours without responding, and, as he puts it, he "shuts down" when I become angry at him. He's also a functioning alcoholic and says that when he gets hurt, he also gets hurt deeply. As of recently, he had a new roommate move in and the guy is next to him all the time, so he now only calls me once a week, and his texts are dwindling. We see eachother about once a month. He also runs a business and uses that as his new "excuse", saying he's "bettering" himself by cutting down on drinking and increasing work. I really feel gutted, because I love him so much, and he's on the tail end of a relationship with someone else, so I'm "the 3rd party". I've known him over 30 years and we fell in love a year ago and he feels I'm the only one that "gets him." He has told me repeatedly that no one has ever loved him like I do and he can "sense it" when I'm hurt. He used to call me daily and now with his "new focus" and with all of my reactions to his "ghosting" that hurt him, he's pulled back. *It feels like he's testing me* to see if I'll react. I noticed this pattern, where, when he's ignored me before and I reacted badly (blowing up his phone) he will not contact me for a couple days. It's almost ALWAYS on the weekends. The worst part is I've developed severe anxiety because of this. The fights we've had were awful, because I was so mean to him for repeatedly hurting me over and over, knowing the damage it was causing. He continued doing it. Can you tell me if you've ever experienced any of this? Did you ever get accused of ignoring someone? Did you ever hide your feelings? He says he doesn't give me any deep feelings because he has a hard time expressing himself but I feel there's something he's not telling me. He also says he can't make any promises to me because he can't plan for the future. He ALWAYS says "one day at a time" and asks for my continued love, support and understanding. Does this sound like ADHD to you, or am I being played for a fool? I sometimes feel like I am worthless.

@alouise3557

Жыл бұрын

If you got that far to read the whole thing, thank you for listening, Caleb. One other question. Do you have a problem following long texts with emotion in them? I find it extremely upsetting when he doesn't respond to my heartfelt emails. He never responds... just says he loves what I write.

@calebjohnson4910

Жыл бұрын

@@alouise3557 I can only speak from my own experience… I don’t personally have trouble with verbally expressing my feelings… And normally it’s much easier for me to spill it all out in a message, because I can focus on what I want to say a lot easier… Speaking in person is more of a struggle for me, as it’s hard for me talk face to face with someone and think about or remember everything I want to say or express… Often after having a deep conversation, even after I have said a lot or expressed a lot of things… I could still sit there and right paragraphs more about my feelings etc… What I have struggled with is actually the practice of showing how I feel, instead of just saying it… I told my ex everyday I loved her… And every time our relationship started breaking down and she was feeling lonely, I would get depressed and upset and feel terrible because I was blind to the fact that my actions didn’t match up with how I felt or what I was saying. It doesn’t matter how much someone says they love you or how much you mean to them… You have to make the effort to figure out what you need to do that shows them the way you feel, in a way that they understand.. If you really mean as much to him as he makes out, but you don’t feel he is showing that in a way that registers with you… And if you’ve tried telling him you feel that way.. And he’s not making effort to change… Then I would suggest walking away before shit really hits the fan and one or both of you get hurt. Being upfront about what you want from a relationship and setting expectations is important and often doesn’t happen.. I’m not sure if any of that will make sense or help in any way.. Wish you all the best.

@sicanism5454

9 ай бұрын

me and my ADHD partner are on brick of breaking up rn. She tried to break up with me 3x already bec she lost the sparks and she can’t feel it anymore and it happened overnight. Does that mean she doesn’t have genuine feelings for me or is it just her ADHD? Or also because I dont give her the Dopamine hit anymore just like in the early stage of our relationship? Does the feelings come back? I love my girlfriend and I’m really patient and understanding so a little help would be much appropriated 😭

@calebjohnson4910

9 ай бұрын

@@sicanism5454 It’s hard to know without knowing more about the relationship.. While being in a relationship with someone who has ADHD can be complicated at times, not everything that happens in the relationship traces back to ADHD being the problem.. If you have been together for a long time (2 or more years), then I would suggest getting some help from a couples counsellor or psychologist. That’s something I definitely should have done but didn’t have the foresight to see its benefits..

Just found your channel and I'm so glad I did. Thank you!

Thank you for this video, the advice was needed. I needed it before I said what I said but I’ll learn one day

No marriage or kids. I just can't do it. I thought I have avoidant personality disorder, but it's not it's ADHD. Thanks for your informative & honest videos.

"Hello ? , are you even listening" " do you even care "?

Great advice but unfortunately being stubborn and impatient ( part of bejng ADHD at times) can get in the way of applying new positive procedures.

Awesome videos man. So helpful. Keep up the good work!

As a man, I'm having trouble not hyperfocusing on a new woman I'm dating or about to date. Especially in texting. It's ruining my game.

How does one who is inattentive find the balance between focussing on being more aware and paying attention to cues/communications etc if they are simultaneously emotionally hypersensitive and suffer RSD. How do they try to pick up on cues better but also regulate their responses to said cues. This must be an immense challenge to balance

Unfortunately I was swimming upstream as I didn't know I had ADHD. If we know better, we do better 😊

Just tell them you have ADHD, and if they run, good. You don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you. But with that said, being inlove really helps with wanting to self-improve.

@ADHDMastery

4 жыл бұрын

Well that's partially true. However I place high importance on being self-accountable.

@bxrosie04

4 жыл бұрын

ADHD Management exactly this. The diagnosis itself isn’t a dealbreaker but rather how much effort the ADHDer is employing to help him or herself function effectively on a daily basis. If the effort is low, I’m much more inclined to want to leave.

@Enzo-si1it

4 жыл бұрын

I disagree I personally don't mention my adhd to my friends or girlfriend because at the end of the day it's an excuse so if I mess up because of my adhd at the end of the day it's my fault

I'm not sure if it's my ADHD but I HATE notifications. They make me want to throw my phone at the wall. This is especially bad when I'm not holding or using my phone. Hearing it ping makes me so mad. So I've turned off all notifications which means sometimes my partner doesn't get a hold of me when he needs to. Which is admittedly very bad. It's been enough of an issue that we literally have a designated messaging app just for him and I that I allow notifications on. But my inattentive type ADHD has also been an issue with my friends when I so easily forget things and mismanage my friendships.

@soulTraveller144

2 жыл бұрын

Not shure if i have adhd but i keep my phone on silent 24/7 unless i have a booked phone call apppointment.. then i have to make a reminder to myself to turn the spund back on 🤣

@nataliadealmeida9949

2 жыл бұрын

OMG same!!!!

It's scary because it sounds like my wife. Especially the lack of impulse control when she is angry! But I worry I have some symptoms because I'm often late to almost everything. My wife can leave a lot of stuff lying around but I'm also guilty of it too. But at least I don't hit people and use verbal abuse when angry! She breaks things, hits me or uses nasty words when angry at me. We don't go on dates or spend time together. She prefers to work and save money.

@anyatranter3984

4 жыл бұрын

Dont put up with her hitting you it's not acceptable.

@bebychange1394

2 жыл бұрын

My bf too, he prefers work work work and save money :'(

I've messed all my relationships up and just got Rid of some beautiful men. Antidepressants ruined mh last 2. Im so heartbroken 💔

You mention at the end that you have to recognize when you are using focus and bring yourself back. I noticed that's impossibly hard sometimes. And i blame it on dopamine insufficiency. I believe whenever this happens your brain is basically running low on dopamine sources and starts almost frantically trying to guide you to quick one. And then you can have all the willpower in the world, your brain just won't process the words. Like, i can sit down at my computer with the wholehearted intention to work for 2 hours... and just nothing will happen. My brain just does not put the connections together for my hand to even open the right program on the computer. Using stimulating meds has almost completely eradicated that in me though.

I can see how someone can't even sit still long enough to watch this🤯😣

@ADHDMastery

Жыл бұрын

Yeah, back then I hadn't yet made my content more adhd-friendly 😬

My reasoning for why i know im better in my relationship im in now then my first one because in m first relationship i was used as an object but i stayed with him because i didn't know it was wrong and now i learned to respect my body and another reason why i didn't break up with him sooner was that he was autsic and i was taught that austic people get away with everything but the difference was that he had mild and my brother had austuim severe cuz he can't talk and i feel like my relationship im in now will be better cuz he also has adhd like me and was the first boy i became friends with which was 6th grade

It's so exhausting what with putting in huge amounts of effort in work and family and then relationships. Sometimes I think it's better for my sanity to not even try.

Thank you. This means a lot

Oh my gosh you are so handsome ❤️❤️Thank you for sharing tips anyway relationship never works no matter how hard I try always end up with toxic people 😩

@ojokehindeemmanuel9219

3 жыл бұрын

I caught my boyfriend cheating when I used @FEMHACKER I. G Instagram on+14087712100 on strot tech to view his messages my eyes only, I needed to be sure his wasn't seeing someone else. He helped me and everything is going on well

@Dancestar1981

3 жыл бұрын

Unfortunately we tend to be magnets for toxic people to take advantage

I need help, my husband has adhd severely and when we met he was totally different. He wasn't on medication and he was in the military. Once we got married, idk what happened. We fought more, I felt more like his mother then his wife. He stopped keeping up with his body and self care. At times I feel embarrassed when we're in public together.. I swear its like a totally different person.. I'm starting to stress more and more about this. I don't want to get divorced but I am so tired.. so drained and at this point I want to live separately. Someone please help. We watched 1000s of hours of videos we have book etc. He's 25 and he just won't go back to the guy I feel in love with

@ojokehindeemmanuel9219

3 жыл бұрын

I caught my boyfriend cheating when I used @FEMHACKER I. G Instagram on+14087712100 on strot tech to view his messages my eyes only, I needed to be sure his wasn't seeing someone else. He helped me and everything is going on well

@UNcommonSenseAUS

2 жыл бұрын

You can't change anyone else, and you're damn lucky if you can even change yourself.

Thanks for this video, very helpful!

Very Interesting For Me.... Hahaha thank you Stuart

I’ve never known if it was because i was an introvert or if it was my adhd but I haven’t been able to form relationships and keep them long term, and this is about friendship mostly because I have never had a romantic relationship. Most days I don’t see the point of talking to people, texting people, keeping in touch. I think I only have one friend I talk with regularly and it’s because he reaches out to me most of the time. I’m pretty bad at reading people, and I almost never leave the house so I’m not meeting new people.