I came late to this episode, but I would say I've never been addicted to substances when I was living in the Middle East. However, since I moved to Belgium, I started substance abuse, primarily smoking and doing drugs. I got caught in a vicious cycle of going to parties because I felt lonely, then feeling really bad all week long, then feeling better again, and then doing drugs again. After that, I started engaging in chemsex, where GHB, Ecstasy, amphetamines, and other drugs were involved. I did this for a solid four years. I was ignoring the fact that I was addicted to those substances, and when people pointed it out, I would become very defensive. Eventually, I reached a point where I admitted and confessed that I have a problem. Hearing you guys talk about your experiences makes me feel less lonely. Thank you for this podcast.

@GayMenGoingDeeper

2 күн бұрын

Thank you for sharing your story so openly. It takes a lot of courage to recognize and admit when there's a problem, and we're glad our podcast has made you feel less alone. Remember, you're not alone on this journey, and there are people and resources that can help. Stay strong, and thank you for being part of our community.💞

I came out in 1984 in a small , religious extremist abundant , town . The only place for gay men to meet was either at the park (cruising ) or at the bars in CA. It was not safe to gather in public . Once I attended college in a larger town among more educated individuals, I found the GLSU and joined immediately in its early days .. we launched an education and public square meeting attended by many members of the community. We had a pastor from a universal church accepting and affirming . We had a psychologist and we had several of members of our community on the panel . The more radicalized white Christian nationalists in the audience hated that there was a discussion on the topic . They would explode in ranting homophobic rhetoric during the panel discussion. All of it formed from a deeply disturbed and uneducated place . I remember the thrill of making the signs for our panel meeting from scratch and posting them up on the college buildings notifying students of the meetings . I remember how it felt to see my signs ripped down the next day by religious homophobes .. isolation and loneliness comes from a place inside us created by a lack of connection. Connection with others who are accepting . Connection with ourselves and our core inner child , who is curious and adventurous and only wants to experience and grow. When that is stifled or diverting into something as extreme as religion, or addiction , or neurosis , you lose that childlike openness that leads to all connection with wellness . I went through periods of addiction and self harm after my evangelical father refused to give my sister medics Care when she overdosed , leading to her death at Stanford University in Palo Alto . Once I came out , the gay community I found was still not evolved away from sex as a connecting community identity .. I tried to fit in , but I was what they termed ‘serial monogamous’ gay . I would try to marry every guy I slept with . Which lead to very challenging conquests and lots of rejection and loneliness. It helped me to start the journey working on myself . Stepping away from bars , alcohol, addiction , sex .. today I’m 60 yrs old and I don’t have sex with anyone but myself. I’m in a LTR of 25 yrs with my husband . We get along very well . But I’m not able to be intimate with him in that way . When we were sexual I always lost myself in giving him what he needs . Now I can give to him and still retain myself and my own self worth . Not sure that makes sense . Love you guys 🙏

I have joined your site and am glad to be connected now. I learned early on through family members' behaviors that addictions certainly weren't the way to go. That included alcohol, marijuana, cigarettes. I had a brother and sister who are both now deceased as well as my parents. I am now the only one in my family. If there was any thought of addiction, I might have obsessed with it would have been personal desire for sex, never expressed with others. My imagination served as my sex addiction always alone. I still feel very sexual at age 70 but have never felt that my own personal obsession ever got in the way. In fact, I have felt good about myself all through the years in spite of self-doubt when I was younger about sexuality. I learned there were too many others like me to ever weird out about it. I'll look forward to other videos.

Thank you all for your insights, honesty, and vulnerability. As someone who was an addict who tried almost every drug out there, I feel the emotions that you describe. I am so happy to have found this group.

Matt, that has to be one of your most eloquent and articulate intros on this podcast! Kudos! As to today's topic, I do not consider myself to have an addiction, in the normal description of alcohol and or substance abuse. I've only drank socially, not for the sake of drinking or self-medication. However, my brother, who is exactly six years younger than myself, has been an alcohol and substance abuse addict for the past 40+ years. Only recently, and through many detoxes, is he beginning to emerge out of it, with occasional relapses. Thank God! He currently lives with my nearly 89-year-old mother, and I think that has been one of the main catalysts of change for him. His condition is also complicated by the fact that he actually has a dual diagnosis of schizophrenia along with the substance abuse, which tends to be extremely difficult to treat. In talking about addiction and recovery, Matt initially mentions that it's about obsessions and compulsions. I have a diagnosis of OCD itself, and wonder if that also could be considered another type of "addiction?" This struck me in my late teens, and has waxed and waned through the years. Through prescription medications and some cognitive behavioral therapy, I am managing to keep the OCD under fairly good control. Like Michael mentions, I think one of the prime precipitators of my OCD may have been brought on by a sense of emotional loneliness, at the same time I came out to myself. I also used to be a bit of a perfectionist, but this too has lifted for the most part, through the school of life. Finally, Michael mentions the notion of triggers in addiction. I feel this is ever so important in identifying addictions and treatment. I see this with my own brother. Possibly learning how we react to triggers is part of the solution. I think the two terms of intention and balance can go hand in hand in combatting any type of addiction. Great show, guys! ❤

@WellismoCoaching

5 ай бұрын

Thanks for the thoughtful comments here and taking the time to listen and respond! We appreciate those who listen to these two episodes because we know it's a tough topic - but absolutely needs to be addressed.

00:30 Introduction to the podcast series on personal development, mental health, and sexuality 02:06 Addiction is rooted in shame, trauma, and grief. 06:22 Understanding and treating addiction involves considering various factors and avoiding ineffective and shaming models. 08:12 Understanding the continuum of addiction 12:17 Processed addictions are behavioral, substance addictions include street drugs and pharmaceuticals 14:13 Compulsive behavior as a coping mechanism for internal pain. 18:04 Addiction is deep and prevalent, causing uneasiness and vulnerability. 20:34 Family history and community influence on addiction 25:46 Struggling with addictive patterns and seeking ways to be fully present in life. 28:04 Reflection on first experiences in sobriety 31:37 Speaker's addition to drugs began in Junior High and evolved from marijuana to cocaine, then crack till age 24. 33:41 Struggling with addiction impacting relationships and intimacy 37:33 Personal struggle with addiction and recovery 39:21 Addiction affects mind and mood significantly 43:01 Emotional triggers leading to craving and unsatisfied desires 45:15 The desire for belonging and curiosity lead to addiction in some cases. 50:28 Addiction, minority stress, and the need for connection in the LGBTQ+ community. 52:24 The party and play scene and addiction to external validation in the gay community. 56:19 Recognizing the yearning for deeper connection 58:27 Creating environments for both indulgence and healing 1:02:18 Encouraging conscious consumption and open discussion on addiction

Absolutely great episode guys! Please keep'em coming! FYI, around the 52:50 mark you said "temporary anecdote" but I believe you meant antidote

I think it’s great he brought up the phone everyone is addicted to their phones while becoming more socially isolated and we don’t talk about it

@WellismoCoaching

5 ай бұрын

Solid point here. This is a topic I'd like to explore more in later episodes.

Really looking forward to the next episode :))

Matt, I just wanted to share that I loved your point about the disease model and how it does not allow us to liberate from the label and I personally have felt shame and embarrassment because of the label of depression or being anxious and I think that that these identities can be engulfing, unidimensional and stagnant. I like to look at it experientially and as an issue / phase that we can liberate from but thank you for articulating it so well :)

@GayMenGoingDeeper

4 ай бұрын

Thank you for sharing your perspective! We completely agree with seeing mental health experiences as dynamic phases rather than fixed identities. Matt did a great job articulating that.

❤️🧡💛💚💙💜

I look forward to seeing how this is handled.

You guys are saving lives ❤

@GayMenGoingDeeper

4 ай бұрын

Your kind words mean a lot. We're here to make a positive impact. Thank you for your support!

Ummm...I never hear anyone talk about the male physical need for sex. That is, what testosterone drives in all men. There is a woman tiktoker who talks to women about how men need sex. It's not a choice, it's how mother nature has made us. That needs to be discussed in gay and str8 venues.

My mom was a drug dealer for much of her life, one of my siblings remembers her bringing large black garbage bags full of drugs home, like one of those big ass black bags

This is happening at 7am…what time zone?????