I can't offer friends or family "visits or vacations at my home" they are quite upset. Yet they never invite me out or to their homes. My health is not good right now. I just beat cancer, have immune compromised issues and don't have the energy for company right now, much less the energy for in person long conversations. Definitely no overnight visitors. I said no & stuck to it. I doubt if they will ever ask again, but I had to protect my energy & health. I had to put myself first, for the first time.

Man you changed my life, your vedios have changed my personality 360 in just a month. I learnt things that my mom never taught me, I'm 16 and my life has gotten so better. I have become confident and got rid of overthinking because of you. Thank you so much Julia💖💖

@Lila17_

2 ай бұрын

Same! Who knew anxiety and overthinking was from lack of boundaries and knowing how to react. I wish I would’ve known all of this at 16 tho I’m just learning at 22

My name is Lisa & I am 51 years old. My mother didn’t teach or model anything healthy I am on my journey to learn & teach my adult children

@messue428

3 жыл бұрын

Same here. So good we are breaking the cycle :)

@---nj7hl

3 жыл бұрын

Like Basically We raised ourselves. My college friends would call me, "orphan."😣 My healthy boundaries are being distant and not being sucked in onto her guilt tripping and emotial abuse. She has and always will defend her husband. She did it w me and did it w her grandchildren.

@bhaskarchatterjee5249

3 жыл бұрын

Same here, im 18, my mother too like yours didn't model anything , didn't set any standards , didn't do anything for me in short than just afford the basic material things required. I raised myself up since I was small and my grandparents played the role in my life that my parents should have , it's tough , but it gets easier over time

@syalalaputri1802

3 жыл бұрын

Me too. 🙏🏼

@yournotthatimportant1032

2 жыл бұрын

Same.

"Don't offer things that you really don't want to do." The feeling when the person says yes is dread and resentment afterwards. Thanks Julia for the reminder. I just had to laugh at myself on this one.

@juliakristinamah

3 жыл бұрын

glad this one connecting - a sneaky one - isn't it?

@rochelledavenport4054

3 жыл бұрын

Ooh yes! I would seriously prefer someone just not make the offer in the first place than resent me and grumble behind my back. Years ago my partner and I had travel plans and we received a gushing email invite from someone to please come stay at their house. We felt uncomfortable but accepted so as not to seem rude (another boundary??) and for 2 nights only. We later learned that whilst we were travelling there, this person had phoned a mutual friend freaking out and bemoaning we had put this on her, creating the impression we had pressured her to provide us with free accommodation! She even gave us her bedroom and slept in her spare room, which really wasn't necessary at all. So awkward, never again!

@rochelledavenport4054

3 жыл бұрын

@james2774 thank you for sharing. I seem to regularly get ghosted by "friendly" acquaintances after I so much as share something like am feeling stressed at work. Yet like you, people put the most unbelievably hectic stuff on me and just expect me to not only be cool with it, but to fix it for them! If you find a support group for people like us, please let me know! Meanwhile, I have begun trying to set boundaries by not engaging too much too early, even when initially it makes me feel like a b*.

@rochelledavenport4054

3 жыл бұрын

@james2774 It seems like whatever a person's circumstances or limitations, they just KNOW we are a willing recipient. I am reminded of a lady in our neighbourhood who had deep and obvious mental and emotional problems... but somehow she still knew not to f* with my husband and how to control herself in his presence, then load it all on me when she managed to get me alone, telling me stuff that is quite unrepeatable here. I know she was sick, but even so. This is but one prime example!

@kata.6715

3 жыл бұрын

I’ve had the same problem in the past too. Don’t trust anyone with personal information until you get to know if they’re trustworthy or not. Some people will gossip about you to others. A lot of people don’t want to hear about other people’s problems. Also, avoid people who use you to dump their issues on. They’re selfish users.

1. 2:58 To not engage in unhelpful conversations - intentional non engagement 2. 5:33 You don’t need to argue with people on the internet 3. 7:20 Turn notifications off/leave devices in another room 4. 9:44 space to prioritize health 5. 13:47 Do not make offers that you secretly want to be declined- it’s actually lying 6. 16:49 don't agree to things you don't want to do. Thanks @FIRE QUEEN 7. 19:00 Take a step back to cool down before you respond when you are triggered Couldn’t find seven but thank you 🙏 I’ve been learning some of these unwittingly this year! Thank goodness 😅

@allapples

3 жыл бұрын

Thank you for this

@Angemenah

3 жыл бұрын

Thank you!

@Fire-Queen

3 жыл бұрын

16:49 don't agree to things you don't want to do.

@Marmarushka

3 жыл бұрын

@@Fire-Queen Oh thanks! I must have grouped it with the offers one! :)

@Go19100

3 жыл бұрын

Hvala vam Marija. I ja sam isto bila nasla 6 :-)

Hey everyone my name is Santos. So glad i found this community. In the last year i found out i am super codependent highy empathetic and married to a soul crushing highly narcissistic serial cheater. Yeah. So thats fun. This one of the only places i have been able to start getting myself together and. Start to heal

@marrylee6746

3 жыл бұрын

The same here. I am codependent. I am with severely highly narcissistic. After we got engaged the next day he sending me with a woman that he was cheating s******** I am slowly trying to escape. So I truly are you feel. God bless

@beginningscholar8030

3 жыл бұрын

@@marrylee6746 stay strong 💪 I feel for you. Mine was all golden period and love bombing but once we got married I was old and boring and then the pain started, devalueing and all the rest. Learn all you can study study. And my mantra I try and say this to myself everyday and so should you. "This is not your fault, there is nothing wrong with you "

@mayashiva3287

3 жыл бұрын

Same situation here. I am getting stronger everyday.

“Create boundaries around not making offers that you hope will be declined” - WOW. Felt so embarrassed, humbled, & seen altogether. Soaking in your words and taking some time for introspection. Grateful for your wisdom!

Yep family and friends need to obey and stop stepping over boundaries

I've learned not to engage with closeminded people, as soon as I realize nothing will change your mind then I lose all interest in the conversation and openly cut the line and draw to a close. Things are so much better this way.

Oh. My. Gosh. ‘Don’t offer to do things when you hope the person will decline your offer! Mind. Blown. 🤯 In a great way! 😄 Thank you!!!

Hi, hello. I am a former people pleaser. Learning and growing. Boundaries and Reciprocity have been my theme words since 2020! I am glad to be here. 👋🏽👋🏽

I was just thinking last night that enough is enough and currently creating a plan of action - super relevant.

@juliakristinamah

3 жыл бұрын

yes! so good.

Through my Life especially in the last 4 months hearing “We all have to do things we don’t want. to do in our life” or “You need to Grow Up” I’m doing better today bc I know my past isn’t My Present. I’m so grateful to see how you Help so many make their Life Better🤗

I just lost a friend of 16 years because a lack of boundaries never being set. And currently I’m a fight with a friend now and was wondering about the boundaries I want to set. Thank you. Very relevant

@juliakristinamah

3 жыл бұрын

Glad this connected.

@grahamwithinshaw5575

Ай бұрын

If you get to resolve the issues with your friend I will be so glad and happy for you both

@grahamwithinshaw5575

Ай бұрын

??, good luck and live long and prosper friend 😊❤

I have a family member I have stopped engaging with. Every exchange is like a snake bite response from them. I’ve tried using positive tone of voice, positive words, and sincere interest. No good. I get no eye contact, one word responses, or snarky responses. Forty years of this roller coaster is enough. Finally feeling control over my responses and the impact of this person in my life. It helps that my husband sees it and supports me.

Since I stopped arguing over Politics on the internet and watching the news I found a newfound peace in my life

"Do not make offers that you secretly hope to be declined" Wow this blew my mind 🤯. I constantly doing this especially at work because I want and hope people accept me and like me more because of this. Thank you for letting me realize this one, simple thing that actually makes me unhappy and tired ❤

To be able listen to your talks is one of the most valuable things I have. Thank u Julia from the bottom of my heart

@juliakristinamah

3 жыл бұрын

Glad you're here - and thank you for your kindness.

Be careful though not to stonewall or give the silent treatment. I've been on the receiving end of those, and it is the worst kind of abuse. Compassion is most important.

@alexisosofsky6786

2 жыл бұрын

I have too. I

@magydimitry8181

2 жыл бұрын

Ditto

Learning to say NO

This month I'm not touching my phone atleast an hour after waking up 🙏 if I use my phone early in the day, the whole day passes in a reactive state which hinders my ability to work in my art. Thank you for this video ❤

@juliakristinamah

3 жыл бұрын

I love this strategy.

@raycarden7941

3 жыл бұрын

@@juliakristinamah 2 weeks in, going strong 🙏❤

"Sometimes we win & sometimes we... learn" What a wise overcoming attitude! Love it & your videos! Thank you all your help, insight,& wisdom! You are a treasure, Julia Kristina!

Yes ! I need to set boundaries. I need healthy boundaries.

Really great info! Digging in deeper with my OWN boundaries- yes's and no's - especially if inside I don't want to. Being ok with that NO! ❤

I told my family and certain friend I need a break because they were triggering past traumas-(Molestation,TBI,etc..)

"Do not make offers you hope will be declined" That's a whole word right there ... preach, sis, preach! 👏 👏👏

I'm Alex, i'm 25. The stuff I went through was terrifying and was pretty much torture. I'm tired of being bullied and taken advantage of and im hopeful to learn about new boundaries i can set.

@ParkRangerJake

Жыл бұрын

You got this alex

So excited to hear your thoughts as always!! Boundaries are so incredibly important 💕

@juliakristinamah

3 жыл бұрын

Now I'd love to hear your thoughts on this.

@admirbarucija2018

3 жыл бұрын

@@juliakristinamah I think I do a good job never arguing with people on the Internet and keeping my phone on do not disturb usually and checking it sparingly! Lately I’ve started to go out and do walks/runs after work since I’m working most of the day, but need to make it more of a consistent routine

One thing I did is set my phone to automatically do not disturb from 8pm-8am and turned off all notifications.

This is the best I've heard! To take responsibility and NOT have guilt!

Hello. My sister gave me your link. I’m a 67 yo male, continually learning.

"not my circus, not my monkeys" = my new mantra 😂😊

@cpruns4501

2 жыл бұрын

That really hit home for me also. I think just saying that out loud even (or in your head if you can't out loud) will really change your through process. Like - why am I doing this? I also love how she said that energy could be put to making the world a better place. For every moment we are engaging in that BS - we could be doing something great.

@Mushroom321-

Жыл бұрын

😅 right !!!! 🎉🎉

A very lovely coworker showed me your channel and I am just starting to binge your channel and I LOVE IT! 💜

Great advice! Move your body, nourish your body, rest your body❣🙏

“Taking a step back.. breathe.. readdress later”! So wise.. wish I would have done this years ago..I completed your Boundaries Course.. totally worth it and life changing! Thanks so much for your help and encouragement!❤️🌸

@juliakristinamah

3 жыл бұрын

Good for your for doing this work now and not years from now. Glad you're here Perez.

Just wanted to thank you so very much for your advice. My 42 year old daughter uses me, manipulates me, and makes me feel guilty when I say no. I'm so glad I discovered your channel. It's just what I need to hear to be able to stand up for myself because I'm a people pleaser and feel bad when I say no. Thanks again.

i love it when u talk about empowering people,.. its so helpful,. ;-)

@juliakristinamah

3 жыл бұрын

I love doing it. Thanks for being here.

Thanks for sharing this this because I end up arguing and defending myself,but then being told to stop

I'm Toni. Hi! This vid was so good. I'll listen again later! The entire vid was TICK! TICK! TICK! YES YES YES. Thanks. x

Im drained by my family dumping their mindless thoughts and small talk on me all the time. I feel bad saying no to that, because they're not doing anything "wrong". But it's really making me miserable.

Happy music raises your energy vibration which attracts positivity 🥰

Xxxoo I adore you! I have been a people pleaser as the middle child of 8 kids. This spoke to me! The resentment is real!

Health should be one of our highest priorities as we spend more than 50 % of our lives in our bodies lol but in all seriousness health should be one of our highest priorities we live in our body and we get from it dividens of what we put in .

Arguing with people on the internet - or gaming (which can be quite toxic) - and not engaging is something I recently stopped doing and it feels great. Even sometimes if I write something and then I get a notification they replied, I don't even look at it and I just set it to not show me notifications for that post. What a win. If someone gives you something and you don't accept it, who is left with it? What bothers them even more is being ignored and not having a voice. That's the strength.

This message applies to a friend "over texting." Sometimes the texts are about things I could care less about, and I finally just put my phone on silent to not be held captive by her texting.

Not my circus, not my monkeys. 🤣 I use it sometimes and love it! This subject goes so deep and reminded me of Andrew Kenneth Fretwell's book, Emotional Alchemy: The Love and Freedom Hidden Within Painful Feelings. There is this paragraph were he talks about boundaries ''Do you ever find yourself saying "yes" to things you don't really want to do, or feeling guilty about saying "no" to others? This can be a sign of an Earth imbalance within you. The Earth Phase also has a lot to do with our sense of boundaries - our ability to confidently say "no" and "yes" in a balanced way. When we can calmly decline things that don't serve us, or embrace things that do, we're embodying the qualities of a strong Earth. When boundaries are not clear it is easy to experience disappointment and manipulation.''

This is extremely solid advice. Put your phone down, don't offer thing you don't want to do, and physical activity are all thing I could identify with. Thank you for the videos.

Greetings from Costa Rica, I'm Julio César. Thanks for been such an amazing person who helps the rest of us. I love your content. As we say here in Costa Rica, you are Pura vida!!!

@juliakristinamah

3 жыл бұрын

Thanks Julio! Glad you're here.

Hello, my name is Cristal and I really struggle with boundaries but it is something I am currently working on. I have a friend that has no boundaries at all. I am struggling with finding ways to tell her to respect my privacy and to not text me multiple times every day. It’s so overwhelming. I just found your videos and they are amazing and exactly what I need. I will definitely be looking into your workbooks. 😊

@abbagirl8819

3 жыл бұрын

Oh my! Have you ever told your friend that? I am going to ask my friends if they're not telling me anything, because friends normally text each other often unless they aren't high on the list or you need time alone.

Healthy boundaries are important for everyone. Thanks Julia.

Hey I'm Shekhar, u r really inspiring

So I have been directed here by a dear friend of mine, who used this resource to work through some deep stuff. I'm hooked! I certainly have a hard time with my boundaries, both with other people (namely NPD /untreated BPD/ DID people) and with myself. I've had enough encounters that I can't help but think to myself at times, 'why haven't you learned your lesson!' I over extend, ignore red flags and give empathy to the point where it overrules my spidey senses.... 'I should have see it coming'...then found myself gaslit, devalued and discarded. I know, I'm a kind, loving, strong and intelligent woman, with so much love and support to give. But to the point where I don't protect myself from the types of personalities that, in the end, make me feel awful..... So....this is exactly where I need to be right now. I'm willing to do the work, willing to grow and be a stronger, more emotionally intelligent version of myself. THANK YOU SO MUCH

Good morning, I have been on a healing journey for the past two years, your videos are so helpful as I am learning to grow, change and love myself.

I am in recovry from 17y of gaslighing abuse from family members lost dad 9m ago to Cancer too. I keep becoing overwhmed

Great video! Yes when you decide not to engage it feels powerful and good until you are around those friends or family members whose personality wants to win so bad in front of an audience and can’t stand to look foolish that they will keep taking jabs at you or even making remarks about you “pretending not to hear them” or “you must be getting angry” or questioning “why you wont answer their obnoxious question” or any comment to rile you up and make you look like the problem where its literally awkward for the entire group and ruining the mood but no one is willing to speak up to tell the person they are wrong, going too far and need to chill. Its obvious the instigator is insecure so they try to focus on whats wrong with someone else in the group if they think they can get away with it. 🙄

@randyfocht737

Жыл бұрын

Wow! You said a mouthful. Why don't you call out the silent ones for not stepping up to protect you (or anyone else for that matter that is being attacked.). That is called justice! Justice means protecting the innocent!...and that's you! Question: Are these people really your friends??? Maybe you need to find a new set of much better people for friends.

Thanks for this. I have personally found this information very timely.

@juliakristinamah

3 жыл бұрын

I'm really glad to hear that.

Excellent examples

You draw my attention to saying things I don’t want to do. I definitely need to work on that. Thank you!

@juliakristinamah

3 жыл бұрын

That's a tricky little one, isn't it?

@umhamoodita4350

3 жыл бұрын

@@juliakristinamah the problem when you say it you know that you don’t want to do it. But a different force within you push you to say it. Exactly same as you have described in your video, pleasing or you want someone to be happy but you haven’t calculate it right 😩. I will try to postpone my offers until I am sure about it.

Thank you Julia Kristina.

Thanks for keeping your videos ad free. I enjoy listening while meditating and your videos allow me to enjoy without skipping ads. Love your advice.

I need to make a boundary with getting sucked into my own head. I try to keep busy with virtual events and videos like yours, but even that doesn't feel like enough sometimes with the stress of staying in a hotel while waiting to foreclose on my first piece of property which will hopefully happen within the next month.

@juliakristinamah

3 жыл бұрын

congratulations! This is very exciting.

Heyy everyone! I’m Lucienne and I’m new here! I’m so excited that I found this channel to further understand what’s best for me whether it be boundaries or anything that will help me uncover a healthy way of living.😍🥳

I truly appreciate you. I have been subscribed for a while. I just want to again let you know how significant your work is.

I’ve definitely noticed that “agreeing to things you don’t want to do” or people pleasing is expected more so out of women. And this isn’t a rant but an observation. I was taught as a young girl to be polite and to serve others (part of my faith that has been taken out of context). As a result I became a bit of a people pleaser because I thought being polite and serving others meant just saying “yes” to everything. I was taught to put others needs above my own and I never learned that I could have a balance of doing for others AND myself. This is very helpful! Thank you so much.

About being authentic!

Thank you

Yes, true and good.

Living it!!!!!! Thanks for all your reaffirmations!!!! I knew it! Namaste!!! Been a long hard journey by with remaining self-aware, my own internal parenting-love of self... creating boundaries and learning to say no... survivor now thrives ..my resilience and autonomy have set me free! Thank You!

@AlanCohenalco67

3 жыл бұрын

"If I will not be for myself than who will be for me?" We only get one trip around the sun in this universe --why waste it? :)

I have my boundaries Julia.

Amen

Thank you! This was super helpful. I forwarded it to my sister as well. I would love for you to do a video on dealing with the fear and anxiety surrounding aging/life passing by so quickly

@juliakristinamah

3 жыл бұрын

thank you Meaghan - that means a lot. And yes, I will consider doing a video on that - thanks for the suggestion.

My ex-friend Becky Keena always said to me I’m not trying to tell you what to do, but I always felt that she did.

Hi Julia I have always appreciated your videos this is Silas I've had a rough couple years I have smashed several phones my last phone I could not set up I could not like or subscribe I have c-ptsd autism and head injuries and this has been a very difficult town the good news is the people are so miserable here nobody wants to live here and as of now we have zero covid-19 cases just wanted to let you know I was okay and how grateful I am to you for taking the time to do these 🌈🏞😁

You are a life saver. I let people cross my boundries so much that I became shaky and stressed 24/7 person. Now I know what to do. Thank you so much ❤

Thank you. Your videos are so helpful

Glad you are doing this video. Thank you.

i like how you pointed out that you also need that boundary to make space for your physical well being. since working from home, i feel like i'm always working or thinking about work that the only time i set aside for myself is just enough to get some sleep. i realize i set boundaries on some people/task so i can make space for other tasks all for work rather than making space for myself. its a hard habit to break when everything feels urgent or important. also, new here... hello!

Needed this ! Thank you 🙏

Thank you so much Julia.

Hi, I’m Maria. Love this channel

Helpful video！Thank you. Sometimes I know I shouldn't allow myself to go with my feelings because things will always get very exhausting. But I couldn't help doing those things I shouldn't do. I need more practice on these boundaries.

Thank you, Julia, love what you do here for all your listeners.

Youre a lifesaver. Feels like Im chipping away at the metaphorical stone im dragging around when I watch your vids.

A newbie to your channel. Sounds great! Thank you.

So glad I came across this video! I am the oldest of 4 siblings and the only one that have kids. I have been trying to set boundaries with all of my siblings and everyone is on board except for the second oldest. After watch this video & another video of yours, I know exactly what needs to be done. Thank you for taking the time to post your videos! ❤

Thank you.

Thank you you give great information you’re videos are very very helpful

Your videos are like gold. So much wisdom! Thanks.

Love this Julia 🧡

Your videos are super helpful. Thank you for the awesome content.

Always pertinent and informative... thank you💗

Great video! Thank you🙏🏻💕

I am so happy I found your videos! Super helpful! Thanks Julia

Hey 👋, Sean, happy to be here and be a part of the community. Looking to better myself and listen and share with others.

Thank You Julia Kristina For Your Helpful Videos.

I really appreciate you taking the time to make these videos. They’ve been hugely helpful to me. Thank you! 🙏🏻

Hi Julia, I just found one of your videos and just wanted to say thank you for sharing this with us all, and that you are amazing!!!! I soooo needed thiis🙏!!! Keep up the great work! Bless you💖

Thanks this is just what I needed to hear

Boundaries truly are important. Thanks for this! Enjoying your content!

This is so important! Thank you for the great video, we all need good boundaries.