1. Needs microwave every time you are in the middle of cooking dinner. 2. Gets so angry that they either throw half cooked dinner away or upset you enough to do it yourself depending on the day. 3. Makes sandwich while you are putting dinner on the table. 4. “Not hungry.” 5. “On diet.” 6. “Queasy.” 7. Forgets to sit down with family for dinner. 8. Blames family member for not inviting him to table a third time. 9. Berates family members for eating snacks which were bought for the whole family. 10. I should probably stop here. In third year of therapy… He’s got a new wife now. I’m off duty.

@helensnyder2733

11 ай бұрын

And God forbid you ate the last of something. Like the last twinkie in the box.

@samk6051

11 ай бұрын

Lucky you... You were saved... ❤

@JT-lt5gr

11 ай бұрын

@@helensnyder2733 That's my MIL. Even/especially if I bought it or cooked it.

@constancedenchy9801

11 ай бұрын

All of these things listed my ex did...a flood of terrible memories coming back

@quarteracreadventures855

11 ай бұрын

Congratulations on your freedom from this man

I think that narcissists can also encourage overeating in order to make their mate less attractive to competition, thereby controlling them.

@lizh1988

10 ай бұрын

Or, the narc male thinks he gets to cheat if his partner is overweight. Narcs make up their own rules

@Melly16yr10

10 ай бұрын

Feeders do that

@kimrowe8808

10 ай бұрын

Happens all the time by narcissistic. That's the insecurity showing you what your dealing with.and they smile at you as they push the food or demand you eat desert w them or whatever you really don't want to have.

@user-bg9qu5ws2v

10 ай бұрын

... thats what my ex did to me. But I cant tell whether it was because he wanted a more feminine figure (im a transman) or that. Possibly both

@Zeroblueeeee

10 ай бұрын

Yes!!!! Mother do that yesssssss

Thank you for explaining this. I've never seen food addressed before as part of narcissistic abuse. Meal times were hell when I was a child. Consequently, because I was always told that I was stupid, fat and ugly, I developed anorexia at age 12. 50 years ago, none of the Dr's looked at narcissistic abuse as a cause of my anorexia. Anorexia then became my fault and the beatings ensued to try and force me to eat. After several years of therapy, as an adult, i have a healthy relationship with food. My wish is for no child to suffer the way i did.

@wordswordswords8203

10 ай бұрын

Wow. That sounds rough. I had anorexia too. But no one really messed with my food when I was growing up, other stuff though. Narcs cause so much damage. I overeat now. Glad you are doing better.

@kelleywyskiel3478

10 ай бұрын

I relate to this in such a horrific way. But I’m in my fifties and still have a very unhealthy relationship with food. Pretty much every dr appointment is me making some statement about my overweight concern and my dr looks at me like I’m nuts and saying but you’re not overweight? But the numbers are too high….for me. I’m healthy just ridiculous about food. But yes, eating around und my dad was a traumatic experience every meal.

@jacquidanke1263

9 ай бұрын

I AM SO SORRY YOU HAD THIS AWFUL EXPERIENCE, DIANA. YOU HAVE THE RIGHT AS A CHILD OF GOD TO BE LOVED, TREATED WITH RESPECT, AND FIND HAPPINESS. NO CHILD SHOULD EVER BE TREATED THIS WAY. I AM GLAD YOU GOT THERAPY TO GET BETTER. I PRAY YOU ENJOY YOUR LIFE AND FIND FOLKS WORTHY OF YOU. GOD BLESS!

@vanica9321

7 ай бұрын

I was starved and deprived of food by my adult narcissistic Daughter

@qeytmyok2473

5 ай бұрын

May your wish come true and may u be blessed with strength of mind and body money and health and whatever u want from life👍

The narcissistic abuse never worked on me as a child. I just flat out refused to be controlled and it infuriated the narc. Still does. I had no idea i was being stubborn or whatever. I'm autistic and no amount of game playing works.

Once the narcissist finds out what foods you like, they will deprive you of it! That includes music, TV shows, anything you like will be controlled.

@debimary6812

11 ай бұрын

Yes this is so true. Then they expect you to like all of their's.

@Dispatern

10 ай бұрын

True

@dontump2286

10 ай бұрын

Everyone likes junk food, even healthy people! If someone is trying to stop you from eating junk food they are not trying to hurt you. Now, if they are making fun of you for eating salad or something healthy, I would watch out for them because they do not have your best interest in mind.

@affentat8723

10 ай бұрын

Very true. He did it to me with video games too.

@MissPomegranately_aha

10 ай бұрын

​@@debimary6812exactly.

My ex made animal noises at me when I used to eat. He traumatized my daughter so badly in restaurants that she can hardly eat out at all without extreme anxiety. She usually has to take her food to go. These people are insidiously evil. Thank you for drawing awareness to this.

@FM.......

11 ай бұрын

Crazy bastard

@BobbiGail

11 ай бұрын

Kudos for making this monster your EX!

@missbearlockholmes

11 ай бұрын

My friend does this to her husband. She claims to be helping him to lose weight. She really has torn her husband down. It's sad. She asked me if I needed help losing weight. I told her no. When she pulls things on me, I find ways to get her back right away. She acknowledges that I'm the only person who calls her on her shyt.

@BobbiGail

11 ай бұрын

@@missbearlockholmes Yikes

@velveetaslingshot

11 ай бұрын

They should all go away permanently....

I have not seen anybody else talking about this. Disguise manipulation as care, constantly criticizing table manners and commenting on your body weight - these three were absolutely true for me. In the end it's gaslighting for manipulation and control. Despicable.

@loriecarter3414

6 ай бұрын

I had the same issues. For instance if I ate too quickly so I could leave the table of my night abuser, I was stopped and a mirror put in front of me, so I could watch eat bite. It was horrible! I didn’t want the food to begin with, yet I couldn’t say no. May you be blessed ♥️🙏♥️

@jb689

6 ай бұрын

@@loriecarter3414 That's so evil! 😢

My mother is a narcissist and the abuse is constant, there's no way to get out of it 😕. She can't see me happy and my life is hell . I'm 21 and I still have no rights as a human , I'm a slave to my parents. Hope one day me and my sis and my cats can escape this

@annebonnyssister

10 ай бұрын

For GOD'S sake GET OUT !!! Hoping will not help you !!! Pack a bag and RUN !!! Sleeping under a bridge is better than where you are. I speak from experience. Can you stay with a friend,or stay in a shelter? It does not matter where, just LEAVE. What is going on here is COERCIVE CONTROL,and it is a CRIME, you can report her to the police. PLEASE go to safety,leave that hell !!! BLESS YOU !!!

@utkalikasharma5122

9 ай бұрын

My heart goes for you, am 23 and we are in the same situation, I understand you you feel and how hard it must be for you, will pray for you 🥺

@doobybro1207

8 ай бұрын

Grow up people and take good care of yourself. Get a low rent space and start a future.

I like the part about “control disguised as concern.” I’ve experienced that. Not just with food 🥘 but other areas as well.

@abigailmcewan

11 ай бұрын

Yes! Me too.

@akeames

11 ай бұрын

OMG me too All. The. Time!!!

@susannemontagnemslmtryt7885

11 ай бұрын

Concern 🧌 trolling

@sarahmitchell532

11 ай бұрын

Me too

@Heaven-dy9lj

11 ай бұрын

Yes this rings an alarming bell.

Not eating meals I had cooked but would eat shop bought sandwiches etc. Always. I’m a good cook. I realised after a time it was his way of demeaning my talent and joy of cooking I’m a foodie and had a library of cook books

@pbandjedi5006

11 ай бұрын

Mine would do that too - he would eat bags and bags of chips then go our for a burger after. Then would claim it was the food (healthy veggies) that were making him sick so he wasn't going to eat them. I wonder how he doesn't have scurvy.

@sararichardson737

11 ай бұрын

@@pbandjedi5006 As much as I hate for anyone to suffer these humiliations its a relief to know I’m not the only one. it does speak of a strand of humanity that is utterly despicable and that they hide in plain sight within our societies.

@Me-mn4nw

11 ай бұрын

My Ex would leave the house if I did not reheat his plate after he came home 5 hours late for dinner going out to grab fast food. I was bedridden nursing our premature child, and he would stop for fast food before coming home with nothing in the house for me to eat.

@dwilliams5700

10 ай бұрын

These people are pathetic in the worst way 🤬

@melaniechu2120

10 ай бұрын

My ex did the same! My sons enjoyed my cooking, their father would add a Stoufers tray and complain if no one ate from it.

My ex constantly accused me of poisoning him. He ate fast food while out for work, but refused to let me and the kids have adequate groceries. He made our kids eat cereal crawling with ants but refused to eat the gross foods he gave us himself. When our son gained a little weight (for just a few months) he bullied him relentlessly for years acting like he was morbidly obese and he was only 5 lbs over healthy weight. He constantly made fun of anyone he saw that was overweight. His favorite insult was "you are nothing but a fat bag of snacks"

@cm-yu6gu

10 ай бұрын

Omg making them eat food crawling with ants I'm so sorry 😢 I'm sure you have plenty more stories I hope you're healing and away from him ❤❤

I almost died from my eating disorder at 19. The construction worker whose a family friend told my parents about his concern. They said I looked better than ever. A month later my kidneys shut down and I had a seizure. I freaked out and till this day they make fun of the way the seizure looked

@carolinesalv

10 ай бұрын

DISGUSTING!!🤬😡😤

@Melly16yr10

11 күн бұрын

Bastards 🤬

Indirect manipulation is worse than open control because it is so hard to identify. Thus the abuser gains influence.

@lynnebvinson2888

10 ай бұрын

And everyone else thinks you are the one with the problem...

Food..money..sleep. .possessions sex...pets...your other relationships..they 're all parts of your life they want to stamp their mark on

@penburst

10 ай бұрын

so true

@ramonagarciabryant9051

10 ай бұрын

Yes, oh yes ,yes... Again yes, yes yes and yes Dear God how did I get here????

@theempressthrives

10 ай бұрын

Stamp their mark on. Yep…that is exactly what they do. And if they can’t do that, they will seek to obliterate it.

I experienced a lot of this - the table manners, when I ate, when the menu was in a foreign language he made it sound like I was torturing him asking him to translate for me, not finishing every last crumb on my plate, not eating the type of food he thought i should be eating, and the opposite of enjoying junk food - he always told me I was too healthy and that it was "extreme". So whether you're enjoying your favorite cheat snack or you're enjoying your favorite health snack, they will find a way to criticize you. You can't win

The Holy spirit totally guided me here because I was scrolling and this popped up. I have been going through this in the recent years. My family did this to me because of the attention I would get and because I was becoming the best version of myself. They did this along with gang stalking, defaming me and playing psychological games with me.

My narcissist would bring junk food in house. I never bought junk food. He would stress me out so bad that I started eating the bad food. I gained so much weight. Then he would tell me that I was going to have to start shopping at a store that was for over weight women. He then discarded me. I think his plan was to make me fat, so no one else would want me. Narcissist are horrible people.

@candice3457

11 ай бұрын

It def feels like it's their plan to do this. Ruin your body. Completely kill your looks. Your hair ect.

@mylegacytransformed

11 ай бұрын

Agreed Most are downright evil devil incarnate

@God1st504

11 ай бұрын

That was your lack of control in choosing what you eat wisely as well.

@zeballos5757

11 ай бұрын

⁠@@God1st504after awhile yes it is our choice to decide what to eat, but narcs do this slowly over a period of time. You know somethings not right and you can’t figure it out because you’ve never experienced this before. Over time it becomes a habit even if you know it’s not good for you, but usually by that time you become dependent and conditioned. Once you gain a lot of weight it’s harder to feel good about yourself and it’s harder to lose weight. Now you are feeling fat, unattractive and you beat yourself up. This coupled with all the other abuses the narc puts you through. For some people eating is the only comfort they have. Takes time to figure these narcs out and even believe what reality is.

@pandapower5902

11 ай бұрын

Come on, you chose to eat the bad snacks, no one forced you to eat the snacks. Lots of people have unhealthy snacks in their house.

They just suck the joy out of everything...💔

As an infant, my mother would withhold breast feeding me as she had chose me as the scapegoat of the family. Perplexed then further why I cried until I was three. These are selfish souls who delight in the suffering of others. Even as a child, I could clearly see she was underdeveloped in her emotional growth.

@tell-me-a-story-

10 ай бұрын

Wait do you remember this?

@thomaseddyson362

10 ай бұрын

Similar situation for me. I remember an event from the cradle that I've been denied a voice over all my life. As a very young toddler I was grabbed by the hair, swung against a wall and stepped over whilst she went and poured herself another drink. Stepmother was an abusive alcoholic behind closed doors who would exploit others just to take focus off her alcoholism. They start the smear campaigns against children with no consideration for the effect on family and lack any concept of boundaries.

@baisalimitra4865

10 ай бұрын

​@@thomaseddyson362omg, what a horrible experience u had as child. I hope you are ok now.

@Sweet-fn6po

10 ай бұрын

You can’t possibly remember this. Where is this coming from?

@JaneDoe-ng3zm

10 ай бұрын

@@Sweet-fn6po I remember my grandmother and things I did with her she died when I was 18months old I miss her to this day I have a good memory and remember things as an infant/toddler I'm almost 60 now

My abuser would cause some drama and send me in to anxiety attacks when it was time to eat so I would loose my appetite. He would keep me trapped in the house and rarely buy food and when I would complain about not having food he would tell me we had food. I weighed 90 lbs when I left him. I didn't realize I was suffering from anorexia from the abuse until I started being able to eat like a normal human. He made sleeping a battle too.

My take: Ex husband narc liked to buy the groceries and would ask me what I wanted. Later he would say what I asked for was too expensive and that I was ungrateful.

@sararichardson737

11 ай бұрын

And mine would come back with, for example, margarine and not butter always something but never what I had asked for.

@gorunsko31

11 ай бұрын

Same experience as mine. My list was heavily “edited” yes the still expected the same wonderful homemade meal he enjoyed before with my shopping. Years later I learned it was all about CONTROL and power. This is why the attempt to negotiate acceptance of my request/ list never lead to any kind of compromise. Nope. It was not about food. So much anxiety snd pain around basic need 😱😥thank you❤

@annekerotterdam7499

11 ай бұрын

@@sararichardson737 Yep!!

@vivianeprudentiabuelens9142

11 ай бұрын

Yes !! 4:05

@vivianeprudentiabuelens9142

11 ай бұрын

Sleep deprivation !! 6:23

My mother forgot to put food she made in the fridge and it became rotten. It smelled and tasted rotten. She gaslit me to say it’s not rotten and forced me to eat it. I got sick later that same night and woke up puking all over the bed. She woke up angrily at me and berated me and commanded me to go to the bathroom. I further vomited uncontrollably in the sink. She berated me for doing that in the sink instead of the toilet, which I didn’t know and she didn’t tell me. I was 9. She was 42.

@PassionateFlower

11 ай бұрын

Demons walk among us and sometimes are the very ones that birth us into this mixed up world. Sending you lots of healing thoughts for all the horror and torture you've withstood at the hands of a monster💐 You did not deserve anything you went through ♥

@aqdassyed6572

11 ай бұрын

😮spot on my mother did the same

@krembryle7903

11 ай бұрын

That truly was a horrible experience. I'm sorry you've had to go through that.

@happyhealthyblessed

11 ай бұрын

I’m sorry that happened to you. It was God awful of her.

@killadjango6995

11 ай бұрын

🙏🏽💜

Finally, someone mentioned this. Thank you! I see in the comments the same pattern I lived through: constant criticizing of cooking skills, price of food, and choice of prepared meals. Looking at the past now, I am surprised I kept my sanity. For example, if he wanted stew, I made it. Then he said it was not nutritious enough. I made soup, meat, potatoes, salad, and dessert the next day. It was too heavy for his gentle stomach. Then: he questioned where did I buy groceries. I replied and was told to never buy them "there" again. The store "sucks." He wanted us to eat healthy - generally a good idea - but his concept was to have our own meat, fruit, and vegetables in the middle of the city. He never said that out loud, but I could read it between the lines. On the other hand, he frequently ordered takeout food and objected when I suggested the same. And so on and on. Now he eats anything. Or nothing. I don´t care anymore.

Thank you so much for this video. I am the daughter of a narcissist so I have unfortunately taken on some of those traits. I can definitely see how I use food against my significant other. That stops today! Thank you again so much!

@woozymuse

10 ай бұрын

It’s hard to see the traits that we picked up from our narcissistic parents and want to change ourselves for the better. I’m reexamining my relationship with my daughter who I know I hurt her because of my own actions. To not only deal with our past trauma and deal directly with the trauma we inflicted is a very hard row to sow. Good luck on your journey to a better understanding and I hope the joy you find is great.

@cm-yu6gu

10 ай бұрын

Can you list some examples/share your experience in what way you use food to control your partner? Kudos to you for trying to change and self awareness

@Wtvrflotesurgoat

10 ай бұрын

You’re so awesome for being aware of the abuse you endured and also in finding ways to not repeat the cycle.

@penburst

10 ай бұрын

please stop that Kelly

He would smear food in my face if I asked, "do you want to sit down and eat?", or ,"don't you want to go in the house to eat?". It felt like he dislocated my jaw by punching me in the face with a sandwich in his hand. I felt so low and humiliated . He smeared hot pizza in my face once also. I hated to eat around him. I am thankful to be free of him. All glory to God for saving my life.

@SonofGod.23

11 ай бұрын

NEVER put up with that from anyone...turn around and let them see your backside for the very last time!

@justjen2591

11 ай бұрын

@@SonofGod.23 Thank you for your encouragement. After 8 1/2 years, I was rescued by my parents. I suffered a traumatic brain injury in Oct. of 2021, 2 strokes and just had heart surgery. In January of this year I finally had enough abuse. My brain injury would not allow me to endure his abuse any longer. He threatened to kill me several times but God was there to save me. I never knew what a narcissist was until I found Danish's channel. He gave me the tools to leave. I am now going through a terrible divorce. But I am free, finally. Thank you again for your support. Jesus loves you and so do I, your Sister in Christ. Just Jen.

@SonofGod.23

11 ай бұрын

@justjen2591 I don't know why women let themselves go thru all these abuses and traumatic times, it's typical, but there is always a way to make it even if one has to sleep and live in their car. I watched women go thru some terrible events as a child in the 50s. I made up my mind that would not be me. I'm praying for you and others...staying with one who abuses does not reap any rewards. When they tell you who they are by their actions..believe them! Life is short, treat yourself well.

@mslivelaughlove3636

11 ай бұрын

Amen!

@davidpowers9178

11 ай бұрын

Do people really put up with this nonsens? Like people just take abuse? I can't for the life of me imagine taking that kind of humiliation.

They can also poison your food or put something in it.....spitting in it ,as an example.Nothing is beneath the realm of their depravity and sadistic nature.

@KathyJensen-vh2yk

11 ай бұрын

I was being poisoned.

@simonpegg1196

11 ай бұрын

Your comment reminds me of when I was 14 years old. It was summer break and narc parents and I had gone to visit relatives. I was very close to one of my cousins. My cousin and I were just joking around when I told her, "Let me apologize to my mom - I don't want her to poison my food or water for such a trivial, innocent matter."

@JenJen-80sbaby

11 ай бұрын

I believe I was drugged at least twice

@KathyJensen-vh2yk

11 ай бұрын

@@JenJen-80sbaby I was drugged right before something fun was going happen. Like school field trip for example. My mom told me I wouldn't never have fun. She sabotage everything

@JenJen-80sbaby

11 ай бұрын

@@KathyJensen-vh2yk oh my God, I'm so sorry. Do you still have a relationship with her?

Absolutely my experience- I was literally persecuted for my size and what I ate while at the same time being beaten up for not eating everything on my plate or being told -“ just one piece of cake won’t hurt you” Totally schizophrenic relationship with food and my body. If I told them to stop I was told I was selfish and ungrateful because they were” just concerned about my health “ When I finally set boundaries on them regarding my weight and food and looks ( yes there were multiple family members like this) They got so angry with me that I’m estranged from some of them now. Narcissists can’t tolerate anyone setting boundaries on them - THEY want to be in control and you be passive and subservient to them. I moved away from them and traveled the world never returning to my home country. When I did go to visit I’d have panic anxiety attacks and desperately try and loose weight before the trip because I knew the criticism and judgmental attitude I was about to encounter. They knew nothing about me other than what my weight was - how I looked, how I dressed etc. Being narcissistic my being a “failure “ with my weight loss was a reflection of them - I made THEM look bad in the eyes of their friends and our community because I wasn’t “perfect” which compounded the shaming I experienced. It has taken me a lifetime to unravel the damage my family of narcissists incurred upon me. It also took a very long time for me to realize how much I had imbibed their negative speech about me into my own head. I was repeating the same BS they had been telling me for years and was just parroting it all back to myself ! Yikes ! All that negative self talk I was doing was them - they had taken up residence in my head / psyche and to regain my own self power and confidence I had to change that negative self talk into positive affirmations. The layers and layers of damage by narcissists is truly astounding. Love yourself, respect yourself, honor yourself because you are a beautiful divine being. Give yourself the unconditional love you never received from those nasty people. I have ! Love to you all ❤

@thegoatgirlcr

10 ай бұрын

Thank you for sharing this because it completely explains my background. Please take care and best wishes on your healing journey.

@annebonnyssister

10 ай бұрын

Did you "get "tortured up" in germany, by any chance? Your experience sounds "familiar" [pun intended]. Of course,history being what it is, they are still running camps at "home", starving children for the "master race". Anti-semitism, racism and "fat" shaming are the norm there.["Fat" being a size 12...] Narcissism is FASCISM, simple as that. Currently spreading like wildfire...

@marlenaeva3813

10 ай бұрын

Same here, dear. They'd pick on me about my weight but especially about my diets/types of food I ate. I'd also be on a diet before visiting them so I'd look skinnier to them. Gosh, this is so disturbing, it's all coming back to me. Much love to you.

I once came home in the evening after a 14 hour work shift. She had done nothing all day. Hadn’t even cleared up the breakfast things. Her first words to me ‘what’s for dinner?’

This is making my heart race. My X controlled so much that I had to hide food for my children to eat when he wasn’t home.

@Lucky-wt6fg

11 ай бұрын

That makes me feel sick……it must have been so stressful for you.

@hope46sf

11 ай бұрын

I'm so sorry! I'm glad he is an X!!

@Me-mn4nw

11 ай бұрын

I literally had to hide food for our child or her father would consume it. I literally had to put powdered milk into her food for extra calories she was so thin.

@fmcg5364

10 ай бұрын

That's bad, glad you got out

Yes! I was overweight as a child and my mother would give me fatty foods high calorie desserts and then proceed to lecture me about how fat and lazy i was. Usually in front of a friends or neighbours.😠 🧐 Still affects me to this day and im 59 yr old. Thankyou for this video.♥️👍

@slothy-sloth-sloth5681

11 ай бұрын

Ditto! I'm also in my late 50s. I still think about every food that I put into my mouth. I still hide some foods to eat on my own. I have cash on me so that I can buy treats without anyone knowing. Yet, my husband doesn't care what I eat and has never commented on my weight. It's the shame that I developed from my late narcissist mother and continues to this day.

@peggyeldridge4827

11 ай бұрын

Thats terrible. I have eating issues due to childhood weight.

@claraclay4519

11 ай бұрын

@@slothy-sloth-sloth5681 I do the same thing! Also, my husband doesn't care (but cares in love) --he knows I have these struggles because of childhood. Sometimes I overcome. Sometimes I don't. I keep trying to heal. I got kicked out of the house for being overweight. That was a trauma event. I was a 5'7" 18 year old female at 165 lbs. Didn't fit the parents vision. I'm 62 years old still fighting those demons in my mind.

@slothy-sloth-sloth5681

11 ай бұрын

@@claraclay4519 I'm sorry you went through this. I understand the struggle. I remember when my brother told me that no woman should ever weigh over 125 lbs. My narcissist mother, my enabling father and the "golden child" brother all put me down on a regular basis. The smartest thing I ever did was move out to attend uni when I was 19 years. I met friends who thought I was great just the way I was.

@rach_just_rach

11 ай бұрын

Same. I was sent by my mom to Weight Watcher meetings with my grandma at 8, 8 years old...why didn't an adult call this out! As soon as I was old enough I got my own weigh in card. My mom also cooked high fat food, high carb foods. We now call it crap on a cookie sheet in my house. My older sister became anorexic. My mom would yell at 2 AM the house wasn't clean. She never worked. Talk about tired at school and a messed up sleep cycle sense.

They also use food to change your body to gain weight. If they think somebody's looking at you they will bring food in the house that will lead to weight gain. My daughter asked her husband not to bring her anymore unhealthy foods that could lead to weight gain and he purposely went out and bought some junk food back after she asked him not to. He also would not watch the baby when she wanted to workout. He was not supported at all of her weight losing efforts.

You better believe it!! Thanks for addressing this! My ex h of over 40 years would do several of these horrible things. Our family would sit down to a nice meal I had prepared. After he prayed, he would start I criticizing something about the food, or one of our children, or why we had to have "such rich" food, the food could be hotter, etc, etc, etc, ANYTHING to disrupt the peace. Of course, trying to calm things down, I would try to explain about this or that he referred to which was part of his complaint. That would trigger his response that I'm "being defensive." He was a slim man and always had been. I was never really overweight, but both our mothers were, so he wanted to make sure I never "got fat". He insisted on having a dessert after 2 meals every day. One night I had made a pan of blonde brownies. I set the pan on the table, and was ready to slice them. He erupted ," Why does this family always have to have such a rich dessert?" Our visiting grown "children" and I were stunned! No one touched the dessert. I cleared it away. Two days later, he said to me,"Where is that pan of brownies?" I told him. Over next three days, he ate the bulk of the dessert. I wouldn't touch it. Another time, we had chicken tenderloins. I was about to serve myself a second one, when he looked at me and with sarcasm said, "You must be really hungry tonight." I immediately put down the fork and proceeded to clear the table. Any time I gave him negative feedback, I was being "unsubmissive".He is deceased, I continue to have regular counseling, and thank Jesus, my Savior for getting me out. I would encourage anyone w this type of abuse or coercive control to get help, document the interactions, and make an exit plan but don't tell your abuser! Things won't get better! Be safe. God loves you. He hasn't made you to be abused and mistreated!

@diannehydern

10 ай бұрын

My ex called me fat ass when I was 110 lb and I'm 5 foot 5 I'm 160 lbs now LOL

@pamelahelbig5022

10 ай бұрын

Your ex sounded like my husband. I hated meal time because it was always a war. Mine passed away 8 years ago but after 43 years together it's hard to think outside of the box.

@lizh1988

10 ай бұрын

Thank you, Jesus helped me, I did cry out. I still live with narc relative, don't pay rent, and went almost no contact with him. Jesus led me to various churches, one was rich in the Spirit and that helped a lot. I thank God that he puts people there to help me when I need it.

@tastypie69

10 ай бұрын

You were made to be loved and treated accordingly and the food is a gift from you above to bring us together and be grateful.

@lisayeary4256

10 ай бұрын

I got screamed at when I pulled out some candy from my coat. He screamed saying "that's how women get fat, hiding candy". I was stunned

I LOVE living alone!!! I am not ridiculed about how loudly I chew. I am not put in to a head lock and have my mouth 'wiped' because I had sauce in the corners of my mouth. My body is not ridiculed. My food is not 'portioned' out for me to half-starvation measures and food is not withheld for punishment or given as a reward. And yes, I did get a severe eating disorder, which I am proud to say I have fully overcome once I understood the dynamics.

@susannabonke8552

11 ай бұрын

My congratulation..proud of you.

@nicole-uo9cd

11 ай бұрын

Alone again and LOVING IT!!! After being abused for 6 years, I realised I would rather be alone by choice than be with someone who made me feel lonelier than I had ever felt in my entire life (I am 59 now).

@joseenoel8093

11 ай бұрын

My fave was going to a park to eat, no one to judge or ridicule you and you could truly enjoy every biteful!

@undercoverbird8592

11 ай бұрын

I love this. 💗 I still have to coparent but it’s so nice I can be me! 😊

@UniqueNei

11 ай бұрын

Yeah I don't want to live with anyone either.

Mine would always buy my favorite food when I struggled to lose weight. I started to understand that he wanted me fat - he would make snide remarks when I readied to go to the gym to work out. Twice I got down to a size 14-16. I was on my way to a normal weight. He would bring home anything chocolate- knowing it was my kryptonite. He even “helped me” embark on an exercise routine at 06:00 in the morning to go walking. He was always 20 paces ahead of me. That would upset me and frustrating me. They make everything - everything sooo uncomfortable and such a chore!! They take all of the fun out of fun at every chance they get. I love all the videos about narcissism that I can watch, but honestly, they trigger me so much sometimes! I hear this stuff and I remember, and I just wanna scream 😱 “I fucking hate you!” - but that would just make them happy, so nope, not doing that!😅

@ph6376

11 ай бұрын

"They take all of the fun out of fun at every chance they get." 100%!

@Jesusandcoffee3382

11 ай бұрын

I’m living with my narc mom following my separation and divorce from a controlling covert narc husband. I’m trying to lose weight while living with her. I have asked her over and over to please don’t buy me any ice cream because I know my lack of willpower with it. If I have it, I will eat it, so normally I just don’t buy it. But almost every time I ask her please don’t buy ice cream for me, here it comes. I started feeling like she is intentionally sabotaging me.

@pbandjedi5006

11 ай бұрын

Mine would do this too, except he would purposefully do things which made it very difficult to go to the gym or go for walks or runs. (Not look after our kids) and if he saw me starting to lose weight in addition to buying the food he would get very angry at me, not talk to me for days, accuse me of cheating, etc. Just trying to be healthy was incredibly difficult on a daily bases.

@BGood-me4cq

11 ай бұрын

Used to say MIM for make it miserable! Myself and kids hunkered down in the car in silence on way to "fun" outings. So glad I am free! NEVER be under another's thumb again!

@SpecialKel66

11 ай бұрын

@@ph6376 Yes! I just came here to comment the same thing! He sucks the joy out of every event, every task. I used to love gardening, but under his watchful eye, I have discovered that nothing I do is correct. Even the way I put the seeds into the ground did not meet his standards! He made gardening a miserable experience for me!

The one for me was always commenting on what I should or shouldn’t eat, then “I care about your health”. If we were cooking breakfast, once or twice a week, he would cut the bacon in half and only give me 3 pieces (1.5 piece of bacon). He would refuse me more. It was like that our whole marriage, always under the guise of him helping me.

@lizh1988

10 ай бұрын

Some people do not really wish to be of help, so they pretend they are doing what is right.

Yeah I went through this. Lost so much weight while everyone around got very healthy looking. Before it got to that point, they would follow me into the kitchen, to see what I'm preparing. My hair started falling out from the lack of nutrients. They will do for you when they realized you've cut cords but go back to the treatment eventually. They would even laugh at my lack of having funds to buy food. When I had money I treated everybody most of the time. If I got myself something, I got everybody something. I was even the one cleaning the entire house and cooking for everybody from scratch. When the pandemic started I went through an awakening. That's when it became very apparent not many around mme wanted me to ascend and did all they could to hold me back. Very maniacal and heinous. No empathy.

Thank you for speaking for a trauma nobody ever believed many go through! May the Almighty reward you immensely.

@susannabonke8552

11 ай бұрын

Amen.

@ladennayoung2939

10 ай бұрын

I pray your strength in the LORD IN THE MIGHTY AND MATCHLESS NAME OF JESUS CHRIST OF NAZARETH. THE NAME ABOVE ALL NAMES. AMEN.

A food-related example that doesn't quite fit any of the five in this vid; I've never liked radishes. When I have a salad, I don't include them or, if they're already there, I pick them out or eat around them. No big deal. Once at a holiday dinner, narc mother had prepared salad and filled a bowl for me. There were radishes in it, so I just pucked around them. As I said, no big deal. But, as I raised a forkful to my mouth, she looked at me and said, "Still don't like radishes, huh?" As she started speaking, I looked at her and saw her looking intently at my fork. By that time in my life, I had her pretty much figured out and I knew the look on her face that meant she was in what I'll call "pounce mode." So I said, in a "you're really weird" tone of voice, "Are you seriously examining what's on my fork?" She was caught, and with no ready reply. So she huffed something like "No I'm not" and quickly walked away. It was fun. 😁

They enjoy making you feel uncomfortable, exasperated and left out Deliberately Excluding you and leaving you feeling wanting is their goal

@kericaswell6084

10 ай бұрын

One of the truest statements I've ever heard. They are so passive aggressive and dismissive. They won't even acknowledge you and go out of their way to avoid you and make you question EVERYTHING!!!!

@Greenpeppersandeggs

10 ай бұрын

Oh my goodness! My Uncle who I haven’t seen in years just came over to visit and my Dad only texted me AFTER they got their food, after hours!! I spent only 20 min with Uncle before he had to leave and feel incredibly left out. Thank you for this comment, it’s eye opening:(

@Greenpeppersandeggs

10 ай бұрын

Oh yeah, and I didn’t get any food because I didn’t want to be the only one eating:/ What the heck.

@SBL70282

10 ай бұрын

​

@alvildasophiaalegria800

9 ай бұрын

As he said, “to brainwash you” making you feel abandoned and unloved, so you submit and they control your thoughts and behaviors. I recently realized this, Ouch, but now we know. Peace for us now.

I’m an adult woman living with my parents because of health issues (including serious GI issues), and my narc mom likes to control my toilet paper usage, even though she’s well aware of my GI problems. It’s incredibly dehumanizing and cruel. So hard to believe a mother could do that to her sick child, but it’s very real.

@kimrowe8808

10 ай бұрын

You said your adult woman so buy tp or get out of mom's house.cause that is not an occasional dehumanizing it's all day everyday.you can't get better w that energy coming at your soul.i hope you can move out.

@Askalott

10 ай бұрын

@@kimrowe8808 I know it. I cannot support myself financially because I am experiencing severe health issues. The US does not have a robust social safety net. I was working before I got sick.

@Sweet-fn6po

10 ай бұрын

You need to get out! I started have GI problems when I was 15 years old. I don’t have them anymore. I was able to get better only after I removed the crazy narc’s from my life. I refuse to even speak to them. It took 1 years for my anxiety and trauma to subside. Most of my health issues are gone now. I let these people try to destroy me for over 70 years. For the first 55 years it was my mother and my sister. Don’t make my mistake.

@Askalott

10 ай бұрын

@@Sweet-fn6po Unfortunately I do not have the financial resources to get out. I am unable to work due to my health issues. Otherwise I’d be long gone, trust me. So all these comments telling me to get out really aren’t helping. Not everyone can do that. I’m doing everything I can.

@blueStarKitt7924

10 ай бұрын

​@@Askalott😞♥️🙏

I’ll just say this: I can never eat normally in front of anyone because of the abuse inflicted upon me as an innocent child.. I wasn’t overweight but was treated like I was obese .. it was really sick ! Yes the simple joy of eating an ice cream cone was ruined and I was punished constantly fir just being hungry

@matilda4406

11 ай бұрын

I hide when I eat too. Shamed for being hungry. Made fun of for being a slow eater. A really skinny kid I was. I've never heard that other people have had similar experiences

@Not-the-usual-BS

11 ай бұрын

@@CoachBushra oh honey please if you don’t have to be around her please don’t be!! Try to go no contact from her she’s evil she wants to see you fail all because she’s jealous of you! Absolutely pathetic!! Hold your head up high !!!

@nancyritland9116

11 ай бұрын

yes....me too! i was told i was fat from age 4.................and continually warned "do not eat that! you will end up looking like your mother!"

@virginiaoflaherty2983

11 ай бұрын

@@nancyritland9116 Mother-in-law, husband, sister-in-law. Sister-in-law's husband called her the pork police. He finally divorced her. Mother- in- law would prepare a massive feast. Then have 1 biscuit and cigarette and coffee for herself and tell how her sister and family would come for dinner and eat all the food and how fat they were.

@susannabonke8552

11 ай бұрын

I am truly sorry. You can treat yourself with respect.

How about the narcissist that intentionally cooks, grills, or gets take-out that they know you do not like?

@maryfarrell9439

11 ай бұрын

My ex narc ordered a chicken curry for me from my favourite restaurant for my birthday. I’m vegetarian. When I asked him to make dinner he’d make Kraft dinner and our hotdogs in it. He’s just say « just pick the meat out », like I was the one with the problem. Seeing this makes me think he’s the reason my teenage daughter eats with her hand over her mouth and she hates eating in public.

@Misfit-from-Zanti

11 ай бұрын

My ex takes my kids to everywhere she supposedly hated going, and eats all the food I like and she couldn't stand. I hope she chokes. 🤢 Haw !

@ElmoBiotech

11 ай бұрын

Yes! So much food and money wasted, as he prepared food he knew the kids and I wouldn’t want to eat. Then he would get angry… It took me decades to figure out it was purposeful. Straight up mental torture!

@tionashackleford5588

11 ай бұрын

I thought I was the only person who was going through this Wow.

@maryfarrell9439

11 ай бұрын

@@tionashackleford5588 sadly no. But I know how much better it made me feel to know I wasn’t the only one and that I wasn’t crazy.

To think that the treatment my brother and I endured was universal... it's eye-opening to say the least

@helensid6670

10 ай бұрын

That is what I was thinking in this moment. And so many little human beings suffering in silence, it's terrible. We need a new and healthy world

Wow. I had a friend many years ago who would frequently criticize my choice of food when we ate together and would also tell me that I needed to lose weight. At the time I thought this was rude and it would make me angry, but I would put up with it. I didn’t even think about the person being a narcissist but it was definitely a verbal form of control they would try to exert over me. Thankfully this person has been out of my life for many years now.

Once he knew what foods I liked he would make preemptive comments about not wanting me to eat them and then if I did he would say I betrayed him! When I had a night shift and wanted to sleep he would crack the bedroom door open so the cat would jump up on the bed and wake me. I was constantly feeling tired and hungry.

You described the narcissist I dated perfectly. He did not eat meat so he did not want me to eat it either under the guise he was concerned about my health. Once I ate a barbecue sandwich in front of him and he stopped speaking to me. We had a big blow out over that. I had to tell him he couldn’t control my diet. Then there was the speed at which I ate my food. I ate too fast for him. For these reasons and many others, I left that relationship and went nc. He was too obnoxious to bear.

@amyteurlife9408

11 ай бұрын

I am sorry. In my future I will always look at someones eating style and how they treat me over eating. I know some people say they cant date a person who eats differently, but I know now that I would never want to do that and I don't care how cute or rich they are...

....so spot on. And how did I respond? By SNEAKING food. Hiding food in my room and eating in private. That way of eating has haunted me way into my adult life even when I finally was away from my narcissist mother.

@annab4402

10 ай бұрын

omg , same here! She still controls my food when I visit her.

@chastityembick9181

10 ай бұрын

My mom would find my secret stash and take it back into the kitchen. I hid things pretty well too, so she would have had to been snooping in order to find it.

@marybethray9481

10 ай бұрын

I was a sneaker, too.

@annebonnyssister

10 ай бұрын

@@annab4402 DON'T visit. EVER.AGAIN. Or, on a lighter note, stuff some in her mouth until...🤮

@user-q992

10 ай бұрын

I only once sneaked in a small bar of chocolate to my room and my narc mother made a hell because she found the wrapper in the bin the next day! Called me greedy, selfish, cunning and ungrateful! She also used to control the supply of my sanitary pads keeping them locked in her cupboard although I had heavy periods. It was only because a kind friend ( luckily I had several good ones) helped me out in the school that I didn't make a sight of myself! My mum couldn't handle how good I was academically that she would beat me each time I brought the results home! (In have heard of the opposite, but never came across anything like this.)

My mother had a hairbrush and a wooden spoon beside her at every meal so she would be ready to attack us if we didn’t eat everything quickly enough. She put the food on our plates. More than once she squeezed my nose to make me open my mouth and shovelled the food in as I was choking. There was no family conversation and bonding. It was always traumatic.

@rnbsteenstar

11 ай бұрын

What the hell?!😢

@lilleeball1148

11 ай бұрын

😢

@RawOlympia

10 ай бұрын

😪

It's good that somebody finally shines a light on the toxic way narcissists use food & diet as a way to gain control.

I have personally experienced him suddenly raging out just before we sit down to eat, which makes eating that meal an impossible task. Another thing is he will constantly try to feed you (a feeder, so to speak) then when we are out just stair at younger slim women. I’m confident in myself, but I could easily see how men doing that would knock your self confidence and esteem. They are all about trying to bring you down, don’t let them win 💝

@mylegacytransformed

11 ай бұрын

The unhealed narc gets worse with time. Unless they acknowledge & renounce the demons they’ve come into agreement with, narcs get extremely worse with time-even to the point of trying to delete you. Stay safe out there!

@lizh1988

10 ай бұрын

​@@mylegacytransformed Amen.

I've been looking for this topic forever! No one seems to understand how bad it is. In my case it's my mother's coercive overfeeding and approval seeking. I can't tell you how many times I've gotten guilted into botulism because I HAVE to eat every meal she makes. Leftovers stack up because I don't have the appetite to eat them all. My mom will hold on to them for days and days. Every time I see her she starts pulling everything out of the fridge to make sure I remember how she slaved in the kitchen for these week old dinners that I just didn't want. She hovers over me as I eat and demands feedback with every bite. She'll even ask if it's good before I've had time to even taste it. What's more insulting is when she cooks something badly, she will serve it to others and eat something else. She even says things didn't turn out good but will still hunt for compliments. While eating a whole other meal!! She also leaves food sitting out all day because she has some hang-up about putting it away before everyone gets a serving. Unfortunately she just cooks or orders takeout whenever she feels like. She never thinks to communicate with me about when I'm available or even hungry. I've explained to her what my needs are and how dangerous she's being and she indignantly ignores it. Oftentimes leaving the room only to start the same damn routine an hour later. She takes everything but pure adoration of her culinary prowess as a personal insult. Since I can't keep up with that supply seeking (and she usually sulks anyway), I've started outright rejecting her meals. I'm always polite but I give a firm "no" or I say "I don't need help feeding myself". She gets very peeved over this and I do feel bad about it but my safety is more important to me. I go through bouts of horrible stomach symptoms and wild weight swings because I'm constantly fighting this silent war over food. I don't want to admit it but I know I tick a lot of boxes for an ED because of this woman. I guess I consider it "functional" at the moment since I do try to keep my head straight about my own food beliefs. In fact, I LOVE food. I love to prepare challenging recipes and to eat decadent treats. I miss having a better appetite, but the stress keeps me from enjoying any of it. I can't escape the topic of food at home and there are days I just won't leave my room because it's easier than being hassled the minute I wake up.

Uhhggg.. I really resonated with this!! My father was awful! It destroyed my twin sister, she became bulimic and eventually lost herself to it, along with alcoholism and depression. A deep rabbit hole. I have developed weight issues along with thyroid and autoimmune issues. So much criticism and the passive aggressive domination.. My father would force me to eat and I once vomited and was punished. Control is what it is.. because of them being a coward!! I love 💗 your videos. Thank you!

@TheHornedDiva

10 ай бұрын

Yeah that's super crazy. My family made me eat things I hated and I'd vomit and still have to eat it. So messed up!

@rhondaengler1683

10 ай бұрын

I'm so sorry to hear about your twin sister😢 I have a twin sister as well. I feel twins are Narcissists greatest victims bc we are more easily controlled bc we are givers and we are comfortable becoming as one with another person. We get confused bc we feel they want to be close with us. However, we know how to compromise and we understand one another with compassion that's where it becomes different. . Also, we are Empathic people..Narcissist's love Empaths. ... the good thing is, we are very intuitive people as we were born with it whereas others must learn it. Do not disregard intuition or gaslight yourself. We are bleesed with gd Intuition and desernment...use it and you'll get confidence bc you'll almost always be right.

I had a covert narcissist ex boyfriend make fun of my cooking and weight. I was exercising more back then and did feel better about myself. I was going through a divorce and was exercising because he wanted me to, and kind of to lose weight and spite my exhusband (who I learned is also a narcissist, probably the grandiose and possibly malignant type). My exboyfriend would limit my sweets, "Two cookies is a serving size," and would make fun of my weight, insinuating I was a pig or cow at times. He got me a picture of a cow saying Moo for a little kid's nursery to make fun of my weight and he saw a stuffed toy pig with a Santa hat that walked and oinked Christmas carols, making fun of my weight.....so so rude and childish!!!

Has anyone else experienced times of famine where you had to eat mayonnaise sandwiches then suddenly week later be forced to overeat or get the guilt trip? 5-6 forced hot dogs with wonder bread, mountains of rice or 5 homemade fruit muffins at once was way too much for me as a little child in one sitting! But If not eaten every morsel I had to get a beating for wasting food and hear "There are children starving every day in Africa..."etc. I could never treat my children that way. I chose to love my babies & break the cycle by caring for them doing the exact OPPOSITE of how I was treated. I reflect sometimes and think I shouldn't be alive after everything that happened. It was physically and emotionally painful 😢

@quarteracreadventures855

11 ай бұрын

I'm so sorry that you had to endure this treatment. Unfortunately, I can relate to your experiences. I would like to share an essay I have written which describes some of the ways I was abused with food and the disordered eating these experiences triggered in me. Like you, I am desperate NOT to continue this cycle with my own child. This essay also describes the strategies I have developed to prevent this, and perhaps these coping methods will help you, as well. The content can be triggering, so I will paste the essay in a separate post below. *Trigger Warning* Do not click the post beneath if you are sensitive to child abuse.

@quarteracreadventures855

11 ай бұрын

When I am selecting a subject for an essay, lack of material is never a problem. Instead, the trouble lies in narrowing down which memory best exemplifies and illustrates How it Was to endure the type of abuse I intend to share. Take for instance, the ‘apples’ essay; this was just one of many instances where I was abused with food, and while I even included an additional example about bananas, there are a multitude of other cases of ‘food abuse’ I could have chosen; for instance: One time, I didn’t finish my oatmeal, but I knew better than to throw it in the garbage, because if dad found out, he would make me eat it out of the trash. Instead, I attempted to put my bowl of leftover oatmeal in the sink, hidden beneath the filthy dishwater. Later, my father found my bowl; he swore at me and slapped me around for wasting food. And not only did he make me finish the dirty oatmeal out of the sink, he forced me to lick the bowl clean. And there was the time that we were having hotdogs for dinner, and my brother Marky was so excited that that he ate too fast and ended up choking on a huge bite. To our father’s credit, he saved Mark by whacking him on the back until he coughed the hotdog out. At first, this may seem like a happy ending... ...except our father forced Marky to re-eat the coughed-up piece of hotdog. And as a child, if I ever accidentally dropped food, I was made to eat it off the floor. Our father somehow managed to use food to abuse us in both scarcity and abundance: One time, McDonald’s was marking an anniversary, and to celebrate, the restaurant was selling hamburgers at the same price as they were when the first McDonald’s opened; which was really cheap, like a dime apiece or something. This was the kind of opportunity that my father couldn’t resist, so he took the 5 of us kids to McDonalds and attempted to order like, 50 hamburgers. When the cashier told him that there was a ten-burger limit per customer, dad cheated the system by making us kids all stand in line separately and order 10 burgers each. At first, we kids felt lucky and excited at the prospect of unlimited hamburgers… …until we started getting full. But full or not, our father wasn’t about to allow us kids to waste food, no matter how cheap it was; and he forced us to continue eating even after we were feeling sick and threatened to beat us if we didn’t finish eating the burgers to his satisfaction. A similar thing happened when a local store had a grand reopening celebration where they were selling nickel hotdogs, and dad brought us there to take advantage of the cheap food. Again, we kids were very happy and excited… …until dad made us stuff down hotdog after hotdog after hotdog while under threat of a beating. There are numerous other examples, but you get the idea. As a result of these experiences, I suffer from a variety of food anxieties and eating disorders. Unsurprisingly, most of my anxieties are about wasting food. As a child, I had been conditioned to ‘use myself as a garbage can’ to get rid of unwanted food; and even as an adult, the idea of wasting food is so anxiety-producing as to be unthinkable. Stuffing myself with unwanted food is a bad solution and has contributed to extreme (100+lb) fluctuations in my weight, along with other health problems, but at the time, it was the only way I knew how to cope with ‘waste anxiety’. These anxieties are so ingrained as to be inescapable; I simply have to accept the fact that I will never be free of them. But as an older adult and mother, I have developed better strategies to deal with these anxieties and to help prevent my child from ‘inheriting’ them: Having animals has been overwhelmingly helpful in this regard; our dogs will enthusiastically finish any unwanted meat scraps, which allows me to avoid anxiety about wasting the scraps without having to eat them myself. Unfortunately, the dogs are less enthusiastic about eating fruit and vegetable scraps; and this is where our flock of hens come in. Chickens will gladly eat almost anything, allowing me an anxiety-free way to utilize these scraps as well. Not only do these scraps ‘come back to us’ in the form of eggs, but we also compost the chicken manure to use in our garden. Composting is another anxiety-free way to utilize food waste that is ‘too far gone’ to feed to the animals, and composting is better for the planet than sending the scraps to the landfill. Discovering and utilizing these strategies has not only been a godsend for me, but they also offer me a way to ‘stop the cycle’ of food abuse. I desperately do not want my own child to have food anxieties like I do, but at the same time, I do not want my kid to be wasteful, either. If my child cannot finish their food, I no longer have to worry about imposing my food anxieties onto them; I can simply say, “That’s ok; you can feed your leftover food to the hens.” This is a much better solution than forcing my child to eat unwanted food, like my father did to me. And it is better than what I used to do, because before we kept hens, I would feel compelled to eat my child’s unwanted food; and while this may have been an improvement over what my own father did, I was still using myself as a garbage can, and was demonstrating this to my child. ***** Thank you for reading my essay. I hope it helps you.

Man, living with a narcissist for 25 yrs, i am ready to end my own life. Everything is wrong, never talks about me or us. I am tired, as a 49 yr old women and raised with a narcissistic mom, dad and 1 sibling, i have had many mental issues. I can't fight anymore and worst of all, my own doctor doesn't or won't help me. Thank you for the video, explains that i am not going mad. I didn't do or say anything wrong. 😔

@RawOlympia

10 ай бұрын

Please start with finding a new doctor, it took me years and finally a caring soul appeared and really changed my life. You need good people in your corner as you gather strength to leave.

Thank you so much for this. The person I was with did these things all the time. I knew he was a narcissist but never realized what it was doing to me. Thank you for making this video.

Definitely experienced this. I even experience reactive abuse right before meal times. My narcissist x would start a fight about whatever in front of my family and I literally flip the table. Making a mess. If they don't let you eat or sleep, It is abuse and you must get out.

@wms72

11 ай бұрын

Yes, they feel GREAT when we fall into reactive abuse. We can never give them the Karma they deserve

@traceymacy

11 ай бұрын

haha this reminds me of a narcissist i encountered who stood over me as i set the table and even got me to go to the floor and adjust the table legs as she stood over me .I just stood and flipped the tables hahaha sigma always trumps the narcists games by turning the tables

@amyteurlife9408

11 ай бұрын

OH the issues with food and sleep. This topic is about food and I have posted several things b/c new thoughts kept coming to mind. But on the sleep topic -- rarely can I go to bed how I need to, rarely can I get up early like I desire too - I get up early but he makes it hard by agitating things at night. He basically doesn't talk all day, then becomes chatty Kathy at night. He starts chores at bed time. He doesn't start getting ready for bed until I am done, then I have to wait. I have to leave a light on for him. I have to tiptoe in the mornings. I no longer sing in the mornings. all throughout the years, with sex it was always the last thing at night when dead tired, The sex issue is also a topic. I feel stuck. I feel ashamed for talking bad.

@Lenticloudular

11 ай бұрын

@@amyteurlife9408 Hang in there, but not with the energy vampire for eternity. Get support (self-care, women's drop in centre etc). I know what you are going through. Hugs x

I had a lodger for 4yrs and at the start he seemed really nice and normal. Right from the start he offered to do all the cooking in exchange for slightly cheaper rent, I hated cooking so it seemed like the perfect setup. I would have dinner cooked as soon as I got home from work, and then he started to make my packed lunch for work. Everyone (including myself) thought he was amazing. However, it wasn’t long that I felt trapped. He would ask me to rate his meals out of 10 every single time which became draining. He would get upset if I chose to eat elsewhere or got a take away. Any take away that I enjoyed, he would copy that food and insist that I don’t need to get a take away anymore as he can replicate the food. I like to eat meat and don’t like pulses, he would purposelessly make a massive pot on beans etc and say that I need to eat it because it was good for my health. The more I resisted the more he would cook it. Then, the food started to taste weird and watery and he would watch me eat and ask me to rate out of 10. Soon came the criticisms about my body, he laid out plans for me to work out and lose weight with him. Before I knew it, he literally started planning out my life. Everything was done with a sweet smile. He never got angry and was super caring and helpful person. If I resisted anything, he would look hurt like an injured animal. Everything was done slowly over a period of time. By the time I asked him to move out, I was on the verge of a breakdown as he had far worse things to contend with.

@bmdjk

10 ай бұрын

Omg I can feel this was a very dangerous person.

Reading through the comments, my heart is breaking for everyone who was/ is made to feel less than, simply for being hungry or eating. It also infuriates me deeply. Wishing you all love and strength 💞

@B-Nia

5 ай бұрын

👍👍

My mother in law stated that the reason I work so hard at my job is because I want to make a lot of money so I can spend it on food. She made comments about my weight and also gives me dirty looks when I’m eating. She takes the joy out of every single meal. After 15 years of marriage, I’ve made sure we don’t dine together.

My wonderful ex husband called me fat and said I looked like a bum in front of his friends - this was AFTER I gave birth to our second child. 🙄 even being pregnant I have never been over weight. Every time he tried to make me feel fat I rolled my eyes and told him “You are dumb…” sometimes to get back at him I told him he looked like he was putting on weight. He would run to a mirror to check his abs. 😂yeah our marriage was stupid. ❤

@erikaronska1096

10 ай бұрын

I get it. Read my comment

He controlled my food and drink, starving me with stories about how I should eat only 1 meal a day for ‘health’. And yes, I did feel weak and hungry all the time. I had no access to grocers, and he’d watch me like a hawk whenever we went out. Never realised it was a cult tactic. Explains how I changed from being a confident strong personality to a shadow within 6 months. I was afraid of upsetting him. The way I ate was also wrong - how dare I bite my fork when eating. I think he once poisoned my salad and I vomited all evening. He looked sheepish after that. When I decided to move on, it was because I had a big shock one morning - I walked near a river and thought if I fell in now, all my problems would end! I knew I had to leave but had to do so quietly. I went home to visit my family and broke it off from there. Still, he harassed me for at least 6 years after that. It took me years to get over the eating disorder I developed. I was always afraid that if I went anywhere, I may starve so would eat whatever I could. Am better now, but I still plan for meals in advance…otherwise it gets too stressful for me. Thank you Danish, for talking about this. I always wondered why he treated me the way he did with food. It was such an odd behaviour.

@sannawiklund7298

11 ай бұрын

The "learn to eat one meal a day" is something my father would tell me even when I was 45 years old... Did he? Well, his main meal would be 2-3 of my portions but then he'd also eat a stack of sandwiches or three fried eggs or links of sausages in the evening... There was no reasoning with him.

@TheMazinoz

11 ай бұрын

Understand, I was 2 stone underweight, blacking out and being told I was fat by ex bast..d. His next girlfriend I found out later killed herself because of him according to her workmates..

@soleil25mm

11 ай бұрын

At least we got out ya! It has been a blessing even though I’m on my own now.

@sitascott8446

11 ай бұрын

@@TheMazinoz I just remembered the blacking out I did during meals with another narcissist. He would make sure I could hardly ever sleep. So we went out for dinner once and I was falling asleep because I was sitting down. He probably ate my food that way, without my noticing.

@lortigosa

11 ай бұрын

@@TheMazinoz OMG!!!

This is so real and I never looked at this in this manner. I didn't really realize did I had narcissistic parents until I was 5-months pregnant and my mother was about to go into a straight fit about a sandwich I wanted in the middle of the evening. I almost went into miscarriage over that argument. It was at that moment I knew I had to distance myself completely from her and from all of them honestly

Your videos are a huge help to me. I’m not sure that I will ever heal from my neglectful childhood and the 20 years married to a narcissist who worked hard to destroy every bit of me and then hated the person he created. But I’m getting there bit by bit; understanding more day by day. Thank you for your contribution to my growth.

@rhondaengler1683

10 ай бұрын

Exactly how I feel. They're Never happy. Your damned if you do and damned if you don't.

My father would only feed us the cheapest possible food and brag about it. We have to be thankful for food found on the street. He would not get food for himself and then eat some of ours. Absolutely no reason for this ever. We were a well off family who should have never had any food issues. To this day he will brag that he and my mother eat at McDonald’s for two dollars. He eats her meal and she cannot order what she wants. She plays the rescue me game and then is angry and gaslights if anyone tries to help

@iprobablyhaveapoint

10 ай бұрын

Exactly

We used to go to my mothers for holidays & other occasions. She expected everyone to be there. Well, one Thanksgiving, she had cut the pumpkin pie beforehand, & went around the table delivering each piece to each person, only she skipped my husband, & had one piece left over. My husband was sitting right across from her & it isn't likely that she "accidentally" missed him. Not to mention, she knew how many people were going to be there. And she had never served the pie this way before either. I asked my husband if he wanted some of my pie. He said, no. (He knew what was going on.) I'm sure my mother heard me, I was sitting next to my husband & I believe, everyone heard me, not because I was loud, but everyone was sitting there with us at the table. Then, my mother asked my brother, who was sitting next to her, who was still working on the main part of the meal, if he wanted a second piece of pie. He said, save it for me for later? And that was that. I was beginning to see how my mother was toward my husband more & more, as the years went by. We eventually had to cut them (the whole family) off because of their threats to harm our family. Life is without all the drama now & much more peaceful! (I'm the scapegoat in the family, so it fits that my family treats my husband this way.)

@wms72

11 ай бұрын

Wow. I would've said something. People who mess with me learn they will ALWAYS get back worse than they dish out.

@supernova11711

11 ай бұрын

I got angry just reading that. I’m glad you cut them out. They don’t deserve you or your husband (who I’m sure is wonderful). Most likely they hate him just for making you happy. People like that will never change.

@amyteurlife9408

11 ай бұрын

OH my, I am glad to hear you cut that family out. It sounds like your brother was hurtful to your husband too buy not taking the pie and placing it in front of your husband. These type of people, even if blood will only continue to do worse to you if you stay connected to them. Yes it is painful for the rest of life, at time, but keep going and stick to your reality.

@lizh1988

10 ай бұрын

People like that pie hogger seem to have false friends who are friends just for appearances. They cut out any people with real values and morals. Shame in them, I am glad you got out.

My father-in-law was the worst such narcissist in my life. He always made comments about what I was eating, how much I was eating, whether or not I was done eating. My mother-in-law is just about anorexic, and I can see why.

@heatherkaye8653

10 ай бұрын

My narc husband's dad was so rude to me the first time I met him, i sould have heed the warning. I brought them tomatoes from my garden and I cut myself a thick slice of a tomato and asked for some salt. He told me I was absolutely disgusting and unhealthy that I didn't need additional salt in my diet. 😮 I should have know the apple didn't fall far from the tree. His son turned out to be no different.

@lizh1988

10 ай бұрын

People used to defend that kind of behavior by saying, well he cares about you so much, trying to help you!!! No, trying to help himself.

Yep. My mother was a food narcissist. She had me on diets at age 10. She bought me girdles to control my tummy fat (I weighed 130 pounds through high school), and I was constantly given the "look" whenever I ate anything. Yes, I developed an eating disorder. It never stops! In my 30s, and breast feeding my child, she questioned my food choices....

If I,clearly state say for example I don't want dinner for tonight then the narcissist will constantly challenge your boundary despite you saying no. They always test you whether you are compliant/obedient they will lose their mind if they feel they have no control over you.

I’ve observed this food control behavior and find it appalling…most often males towards females but I’m sure it goes both way…ugh☹️

@XOChristianaNicole

11 ай бұрын

Mothers to daughters is a BIG one.

@mateagoston8145

11 ай бұрын

Mothers tend to do it to both their male and female children. I am actually struggling to find out if my mother actually weaponized food because I developed a food addiction and it was the form of love but I haven't recognised the upper mentioned scenarios.

@user-pb3sb3un7n

11 ай бұрын

@@mateagoston8145 I'm battling a food addiction also. I have an issue where my body doesn't convert my food into energy, so I crave sugar. I've also been deprived of affection by my mom and spouse, so I eat for comfort. I'm trying to put myself in a mental/emotional place of considering only what I know as my truth for my worth and what my body needs and what the best choice is I can make for myself at the moment.

Have you met my mother?! You described her so well. My mom told me to talk to my doctor about obesity. I was 10 pounds overweight max.🤦🏾‍♀️

I identify with everything you're saying here. My mother was the narcissistic abuser. It took me a LONG time to get past needing her approval.

Sitting at the table in complete silence he'd just sit there looking at the wall chewing his food the hateful twit lol, but it was sole distroying ruined every meal until i realised what his game was.

@willystanford

11 ай бұрын

My first husband had a rule, apart from the others like these are the only foods to be served and on which day, and meals will be served promptly at 12.30pm for lunch and 6pm dinner with set times and menus also applying for morning and afternoon tea also supper, that there was absolutely NO unnecessary talking (apart from eg pass the salt please) at the table by either me or daughter. Meals were eaten in almost complete silence with ex-husband being served dessert as required then leaving the table for the lounge room and TV when he had finished no matter what stage of consumption we were still at. I would then be able to slow down and talk to her about her day. My second husband eats at full speed from a tray in front of the TV, at the times and ingredients he requires, with any attempt at conversation being shushed while the volume is turned up on the remote as he is 'trying to listen to this'. I fondly remember the family meals of my childhood and teenage years when social interaction was encouraged nay insisted upon by my father as a key part of sitting down together then lingering and exchanging stories over a cuppa. The occasional leisurely solitary meal is now an enjoyable gift for me.

A narcissistic parent will also use food for triangulation purposes with their children. A narcissistic parent will prepare a meal and serve it on a platter to a golden child while telling the scapegoat child to fix their own. A narcissistic parent will create different rules around food for the children. The scapegoat is characterized as a sloppy eater who can only eat at the table while the golden child can sit in an easy chair eating in front of the television. When the narcissistic parent serves the scapegoat a meal that has gotten cool, they will claim that it was steaming when served.

@JT-lt5gr

11 ай бұрын

My mom and dad are not this way. They're fantastic! But my MIL is like this. My husband thinks everything she does is cute like she's his 3-year-old daughter. She acts like she's his spoiled young daughter or his wife.

@constancedenchy9801

11 ай бұрын

Yes 100% spot on

@joseenoel8093

11 ай бұрын

Mom would buy cherries 🍒 only for me! Scapegoat child, also a horrendous mother to 3, endlessly brought it up. I had nothing to do with the situation, sis left home at 14, lied at 17 she was 18 (he was 32) got pregnant and married twice killing both with pure meanest.

@joseenoel8093

11 ай бұрын

​@@JT-lt5gryikes! My husband the food critic guru thought the world of his mom's recipes so I just threw out her recipe cook book, rat's ass, he divorces me he'll have even less money! We've been together 35 yrs, he's ok most of the time, he's started fatty liver disease as he drank like a 🐟(🍸🐟)... I can handle him as I'm from a total narc squad family, it's my claim to fame! 🎉

The fighting during meal time is unexpected but true. Just recently, my dad got a Little Caesars pizza. I wasn't feeling it and didn't eat, I wasn't offered and didn't say anything. I think he wanted me to ask to have some or eat without asking. That small amount of autonomy and self-will made him upset and he started to act out his anger in the usual passive aggressive ways. Over Little Caesars? That is wild to me. Inane behavior.

My narcissistic and alcoholic father, a doctor very interested in nutrition, has been obsessed with staying slim all his life. He has also always made sure my mum and I (not my brother) knew we were too fat and had no idea how unhealthy our diet was. Whenever I saw him as an adult he took me to restaurant to watch order and eat to comment on my choices. You cannot win with him, when you pick something unhealthy he will judge you. If you do the opposite he will say you are only choosing right it in front of him...

So true. They will even pull the plate away from you while you are eating. These are some sad people

I had a boss who used food , I guess it would be in a love bombing way - she would cater something every week it seems even multiple times a week and day for various depts & mgrs she was not even over but had dealings with , all manipulation to get her way - She never followed policy or protocols - never asked but did as she pleased when it came to officials - used her OWN money for everything - good stuff - even would send huge cupcake and cookie and flower orders to all dept - I saw through this as total manipulation- only now learning she is narcissistic - I knew something was not right at the time - didn’t know what it was exactly - I just thought neurotic . I was more like a HER personal asst and not an employee of the agency. I swear people loved her - hoping some saw through it . I had to leave this job sadly - I had been there years with retirement - couldn’t do it and couldn’t call her out - it got crazy! I can’t even explain the magnitude of crazy . But God let me discern this at the get go that something was not right. Still without a job but have my peace and sanity!

I connected with "many" things you said from a situation that nearly broke me (over 20 yrs ago) - until my survival instinct & common sense kicked in & I knew I had to break away comepletely - it left me a shell of my former self - it was a "long" road back each thing I did that brought joy & health back to me slowly was a stepping stone on the road back to who I truly am inside - you are comepletely accurate with "many" things you said - I subscribed I'm interested in what else you may have to say - hopefully on other subjects as well? You have my curiosity 💯👍👍😊

I feel like your channel is talking about important things no other “narcissist” channel is talking about. 🙌🏻🙌🏻

This is so accurate. Meal times had been a nightmare for me. Cooking had also become a nightmare, no matter what I cooked he didn't like it, he would complain or pick up a fight or even insult my culture

My story is completely different. I have been the scapegoat and I think I have always been skinny due to the constant stress I was submitted. I ate like a wolf 🐺 but couldn't gain weight. She always tried to make me fat but couldn't. It's a surprise I have never had a problem with food until the last crush she gave me in my last attempt to be independent and get a job getting out of her reach and my comfort zone. I was punished for trying to find a job and the whole family help under the exuse of "trying to protect me". I became anorexic but I could fight it in a year although I looked like a prisoner in a Nazi extermination camp. I could have died but no contact saved me. There's no judicial system which can protect you from a cult family. Now I'm all by myself and although I am not as skinny as I was, I'm not fat and most people seems to hate it. Why there's such a hate towards mature single women? In the medieval ages she would have had the power to burn me like in the times of witch hunts... anyway, those times can have a come back; fascism and psychopathy are risen everywhere around the globe 🌎

@kimmyhicks1118

11 ай бұрын

The universe is on your side ♥️🫶🏼💙

@Abpgsetiloincawdyubkolmbrs

11 ай бұрын

Your words “cult family” are exactly how I describe the way it felt growing up for me! I too was anorexic but my mother did not try to fatten me up, she controlled access to every morsel of food in the house.

@XOChristianaNicole

11 ай бұрын

With all due respect.. As someone on the psychopathic spectrum, myself, due to a childhood brain injury, as well as dissociative identity disorder - with diagnosed NPD in my immediate family.. A lack of emotional empathy does not automatically equate to a disregard for human life. Simply because both disorders involve a lack of empathy - psychopathy and narcissism are not the same. I am not saying a psychopath doesn’t have the potential to do very bad things. Everyone has such potential. Though, as someone who survived a near decade of Munchhausen’s by Proxy.. I could never, ever do to another what I have survived. Because, for starters - I don’t get any emotional pay off. Doesn’t matter how frustrated I am. Purposefully inflicting harm is bad. And my shallow depth of emotion makes it so as I cannot logically see the point of being that person. Kindness and proper manners/social skills will get me a helluva lot farther, in life. It’s pretty simple, really. To which, because I don’t get the emotional pay-off - it has allowed me to be very naive and to accept behavior from abusive people, because I didn’t have the emotional capacity/depth to understand what I was experiencing was wrong. Especially with the cognitive dissonance, from being raised in a family with diagnosed narcissism. A psychopath could never be a narcissist - because we do not have the emotional capacity, in the same manner that drives a narcissistic person. And in that regard, I will say.. A narcissist will never outsmart or defeat a psychopath. Because psychopath’s have limited ability/capacity to feel victimized. Personally, there isn’t a damned thing a person could ever do to me - where I don’t end up winning, in the end. Everything always works out in my favor, and I am my ideal person. Doesn’t mean I or life is perfect. Though, it makes playing the game a lot more fun. I’d wager there is hardly a narcissistic person could ever even fathom such a thought process.

@wms72

11 ай бұрын

​@@XOChristianaNicoleDid you ever read the letters of the Zodiac Killer?

@supernova11711

11 ай бұрын

Women tend to hate any other women they deem better than them in some way. Slimmer, prettier, bigger breasts etc. I’m convinced that sometimes it’s just because you’re happy or smiling. It’s just jealousy. Best to ignore it as it really has nothing to do with you anyway. It’s all about their insecurities. Even young, fit, pretty girls will still glare at me sometimes and I’m in my early 40’s now. It’s actually sad that there’s so many unhappy people out there.

You've just described my whole life with my parents. When I stopped living with them, I started eating normally and immediately gained A LOT of weight, though I don't eat compulsively. I was always a pig, I had piggy pictures on my fridge, when I went to my kitchen, both parents would rush there and ask why I wanted to eat so late at night (well,I came from my work at 10 pm, yes, I was hungry after 2 hours commute), then I had bad table manners, since then I couldn't eat out when being on a date or at work, my weight was constantly controlled and if I didn't go to gym every day, I would hear that I was lazy. I was always OBESE even if I was around 60 kg (my height is 167). Because my mom has a model-looking shape and has this "almond mom mentality" and father is enabler, I got a lot of problems in my relationship with food and my appearance. Now I look like sh*t and hate myself. And mom keeps photoshopping my pictures and asking me to re-upload them on Facebook because I gained weight and have wrinkles and it's not cool if her friends(!) see that in social media.

It can also be you trying to make better choices for yourself, (not asking them to change) by eating healthier and exercising, and they will do everything to sabotage that because they are insecure. When I lived with my mother and would try to make better choices and stay on a healthy lifestyle change, she would want to eat out more, buy tons of junk food etc and act like I thought I was better than her to guilt me into giving up. My husband on the other hand saw me sticking to a healthy routine, and expressed wanting to join me, so I encouraged him and now we are workout buddies and live a healthy lifestyle together that we can model for our children. We still have the foods we enjoy, just in moderation, and we eat what our bodies need and have been getting stronger and leaner. I am so grateful that God sent him to me. ❤️❤️❤️

My husband is one strange CN. He is the picture of social grace when he eats in public but will make terrible sounds and noises and slurping when he eats at home, leaving us disgusted. He'll never let me have a single meal in peace. He'll ask me to bring something, do something right in the middle of every meal. Recently he's started staring at my son's plate throughout. He always says it's because he's lost in thought. It's absolutely crazy

@thenativeconservationist

11 ай бұрын

Hi dear mine would even put snort and spit. He won’t even wash his hands but when in public he’d be decent.

@sujatha21

11 ай бұрын

@@thenativeconservationist it's like they were trained in abuse

@mylegacytransformed

11 ай бұрын

The unhealed narc gets worse with time. Unless they acknowledge & renounce the demons they’ve come into agreement with, narcs get extremely worse with time-even to the point of trying to delete you. Stay safe out there!

@thenativeconservationist

11 ай бұрын

@@sujatha21 exactly. I’m praying we get out safely. I don’t want to live like this anymore 🙏🏽

@jordanduran2131

11 ай бұрын

If you care for him you need to speak your mind and tell that fucker to be mindful and have some manners. I know some people can be blissfully ignorant, but it’s also kinda evil to just sit back and watch your husband embarrass himself.

I experienced this with someone for almost two years. It was maddening. I was losing myself. I thought I was going to die. I had to get out , but how. Thank God, I am a woman of strong faith and I prayed earnestly for the way out. Finally, Covid came. That was the answer. They had to travel right before airports shut down. Once they were out of the country they could not return as the airport closed for a long period. By then they had moved on to someone else . It was a long hard battle to recovery and I am so happy now. For all those in a similar situation, please get help to get out because you will lose yourself, your identity, and even your life if you stay with a narcissist. Thank you, Danish for this video. May all those watching take your advise.

Number 5. I will never be the same. But I survived. Thank you for talking about the weaponisation of normal things. Many people do not understand how a person can get entangled with a Narc or a cult. A starving brain can be manipulated far easier than an adequately fed one. It’s the same with your “soul” or “spirit,” the “you” of you. They starve you any and every way they can. It’s why many victims and survivors think of Narcs as vampires. And believe me when I tell you they would suck the blood from you if they could.

It wasn’t about the food itself, but the meal was the time where it was known that I couldn’t leave unless I wanted to eat, so he had a captive listener. It’s when the personal attacks and baseless accusations happened the most. I can’t eat with others anymore nearly at all. People that do this are evil.

In my experience, I've dealt with someone who loves to stir up drama. It's like clockwork - right before we sit down to eat, they find something to criticize about the condiments I didn't bring, even though they could easily get them themselves. And to top it off, they always manage to bring up the most depressing and annoying topics while we're just trying to enjoy our meal. It's gotten to the point where I'd rather not eat with them at all. It's just too much to handle.

@lisacharvet2851

11 ай бұрын

Same here!!!! I've come to the point of not eating dinner until he's in bed, just so I could eat in peace!!! Not healthy, always eating between 10pm to 2 am, depending on what time he leaves the room. ☹️

@mylegacytransformed

11 ай бұрын

The unhealed narc gets worse with time. Unless they acknowledge & renounce the demons they’ve come into agreement with, narcs get extremely worse with time-even to the point of trying to delete you. Stay safe out there!

@JamesNGames

11 ай бұрын

@lisacharvet2851 I have recently been experimenting with various pre-made fruit smoothies and protein shakes as part of my dietary routine. By proactively consuming these beforehand, I find solace in the fact that the negative actions of certain individuals no longer affect me as much. It is truly disheartening to have to coexist with such unpleasant individuals. I empathize with your situation and I'm sorry to hear that you're going through something similar. I am eagerly looking forward to the day when I can finally relocate. I am simply counting down the days until that happens.

@joseenoel8093

11 ай бұрын

After a mom's full hard day plus putting supper on the table he'd sit there burping and farting, young kids in an uproar, after that I said fine you can all take to your screens.

@joseenoel8093

11 ай бұрын

​@@lisacharvet2851you're surviving so good for you! I often rush around once he's split knowing I can eat healthy and undisturbed and clean up in peace. When my kids were little, so stressed out as I needed to get along well enough as not to divorce (he can enjoy us 24/7, he wanted kids back to back, not me!) I'd wake up starving and needed to eat! I'd eaten during the day but just didn't feel it!

This reminds me of my father. As soon as I hit puberty he started making jokes about my weight. One time he belted me around the kitchen just because I made a sandwich without asking him first. He was acting as though food was scarce in our house, which it wasn`t. In my teens I lived in a girl`s hostel, and I was constantly harassed for being mildly overweight. I was called names and told, "You shouldn`t eat that", or "That won`t slim you". the end result of this was a life long fear of getting fat, but not anorexia, thank god.

@peggyeldridge4827

11 ай бұрын

Me too. VERY VERY conscious of my calories but not anorexic. Years of being made fun of for being a bit chubby.

@penneyreed7316

11 ай бұрын

I still have the phobia of any weight gain, I'm post menopausal.

This video stunned me in how much I relate to experiencing this food based control, from my mother and the last partner I had. Subb'd to your channel, looking forward to learning more about narcs from you, to help my wounds from their attacks.

My experience has been food used as the love bombing, and compliment baiting. She watches others plates as much as her own, obsessing over food planning, and if you like it or not. Very vocal, moans, sighs, grunts, while eating, and she wonders why we eat fast and leave the table. It's gross.

This made so much sense now.

Omg. I didn't realize it until this video, but my ex narc did these things. He also fat shamed other people... Made derogatory remarks about people who were overweight, constantly made fun of them around me, to the point where I worried if I gained a single pound For context, I'm 5'1, and usually weigh around 125 lbs. I gained 5 lbs after a surgery a couple months ago, due to lessened mobility and even now, it makes me self-conscious. I'm still having to ease back into physical activity, but I find myself trying to rush it and hardly eating anymore because I am so worried about my weight. I absolutely never realized that this is what was happening. Just, wow 😮

@erikaronska1096

10 ай бұрын

Same here! Read my comment

@southerncatlady

10 ай бұрын

@@erikaronska1096 I couldn't find your original comment... But I'm gonna go out on a couple limbs... I'm sorry for EVERYTHING you've been through with narcissists. You deserve MUCH better. And every kind word you say for people who are being abused by narcs is amazing amd wonderful, and greatly appreciated 🖤🖤

The other thing I feel worth mentioning is that victims of narcissistic abuse are conditioned and programmed. Many times it’s very slowly over many years until one day we “wake up” to the insidious and evil abuse and manipulation tactics. It’s similar to being in a cult. It takes a long time to re-program and learn to trust again. Please know, you are not alone!!! There are books, videos and support groups and therapists to help.

You explained it so perfectly. I have been living with a narcissist and have been through all this. It reminded me of the trauma I went through. Thanks for putting it in words.

As a child, I have been regularly (about every second afternoon) tormented mentally, which made it impossible for me to fall asleep. That... person would come to my bed late at night and when detected I still wasn't asleep, hissed violently: "sleep now! I am telling you to sleep!" In the morning I was too tired to get up and in trouble for being lazy. It was a rollercoaster.

@gismosfinalform2031

11 ай бұрын

Wow, tormented even in sleep. Sounds like you were living with a demon in corporeal form...

@wms72

11 ай бұрын

I was tormented, too. My mom kept me up watching TV in my bedroom until 3 a.m. Then I would get up for school at 6 a.m. and she'd sleep til 3 p.m.

@rnbsteenstar

11 ай бұрын

That sounds like a hell of a no-win situation.

@ladyloungealot5119

11 ай бұрын

@@rnbsteenstar Thank you. When I tried to speak with my older sister (golden child) since mother passed away long time ago, my sister denied any knowledge (she slept in the same room!) and accused me of accusing poor mother.... blah, blah, blah! It wasn't her who suffered, so she would rather hush me up. I got no closure of any kind, I am just the unwanted disturbing person in the family that nobody wanted.

My Honey Bunny turned her daughter into a victim of anorexia. Hospitalized four times in one year. She would tell me that she was always chubby as a child, but she sure isn’t cubby now! It’s not so much weaponizing, it’s hyper control and manipulation of EVERYTHING, in a way to elevate themselves, and diminish everyone else. It makes them feel good if they make you feel bad.

@prant8998

11 ай бұрын

That’s right, everyone in her family trying to make her happy. Her daughter, literally starving herself for her approval. She went to her doctor for an annual check up, she was immediately sent to the hospital because her potassium levels were so low. Nothing, made her happy, but we were all trying to reach her unattainable demands. I finally, gave up. It was like rolling a bolder up a hill. How did she do this? By withholding VALIDATION! Validation, is the narcs weapon of choice. It never leaves a mark, and the victim can never really understand what’s missing. You’re always thinking, “Well, I’ll just try harder.” Validation, can so easily be manipulated even by subtle nonverbal means. How about never smiling? Never having a cheery disposition? Zero empathy. "Get out, stay out.” It’s actually a KZread channel, there’s one on validation. Changed my life.

This is so accurate! I’ve experienced this type of abuse and they will pretend they are doing it for your benefit but it’s only about control! The dinner table and meals are a place narcissists love to humiliate and shame you! Thank you for sharing!

I've had portions controlled in sneaky ways and witnessed it being done to others. Also always talking about how bad certain foods are while they eat the exact foods they preach against. Another narc uses food to control but by covertly being "nice" and always making food for myself and others.. it makes me think it's poisoned or something. I don't want to go to another holiday family dinner again.