Betrayal Trauma After Narcissistic Abuse: www.emotionalabuserecovery.com/livevent

@user-qd6qi4wd7o

13 күн бұрын

OMG I have known my mother was a Covert Narcissist. But that is a replay of my life except for videos, that was after my teen years . Brain washing. Making you confused.. She didn't drive but would follow and trap you in a room and use scathing comments and ridicule. She was evil. Thanks so much Danish.👍

@survivorjourney

6 күн бұрын

Need support group to get out of Narcissistic relationship 😞

The car trap brought back lots of memories; the speeding, the smoking with windows rolled up, the music played, especially if you appeared to be enjoying it, the station would be changed, delaying restroom stops deliberately. Yes, a torture chamber.

@raquellofstedt9713

13 күн бұрын

My mother-in-law would insist that the windows be kept up and the airconditioner off all the way upp the 99 from Los Angeles to Fresno when driving with my then three year old son. Yes, in the middle of summer. The poor kid was beet red and sweating by Grapevine when I Told het to pull over or I would take over the steering by force, and when we woud start (after he cooled down in the IHOP) we WOULD be using the air conditioner. It ws 101 outside. MIL : My eyes get dry. Me: My kid comes first, sorry. Her: Pouts in Finnish the whole way to Fresno. My son : Stops looking like a soppy tomato and goes to sleep.

@RKX_Errant

13 күн бұрын

@@raquellofstedt9713 I've driven that route over a half dozen times as an adult, so I understand what you are relaying. Crazy!! The heat in that area is quite draining. I liked your description, "...a soppy tomato".

@francesbernard2445

13 күн бұрын

That witnessing of yours reminds me once about some situations I encountered while taking public transit a few times. Like when for example after realizing that the correct number bus I was riding on had started going off route while at the time both the driver and I at the time had believed we were the only 2 people inside that moving bus. When I pointed out to him about the turn he missed then he went into a tirade about how I must be the crazy one for telling him how to drive His bus. If it hadn't been for another passenger who got woken up by his shouting at me after they fell asleep who then started complaining about how the bus driver had missed a turn what could have then started happening to me next if he had made a report to transit watch about me an according to him alleged crazy person who needs to ride the even less reliable often late too disabled transit busses instead?

@anniekirts6621

13 күн бұрын

@@raquellofstedt9713 Great story, Mom. Good job! 💪😘🙏

@sinjinmonsoon9055

13 күн бұрын

My narc sister would drive crazy just so she would get pulled over. Her husband is a cop and she was always looking for trouble. Wanted to talk to another cop and brag and BS..she would always say ' im one of you '. She called 911 on me repeatedly bc she knew what to say so she wouldn't get abuse of 911 and my house would get raided. She also stole my inheritance.

I've been married to a narcissist for 30 years and experienced all of these things. The car one is terrifying! I thought he was going to kill our entire family on 3 separate occasions when he started speeding and driving recklessly. We began taking a second car when we had to travel places, so we didn't have to ride with him. I'm saving every penny I can to escape him.

@CS-iv8tk

13 күн бұрын

Save every penny, that’s how I escaped after 30 years, lost everything. So much brighter on the other side of the door . Just wished I knew about this sooner. 💜

@ericb8413

13 күн бұрын

Hope you get free.

@Nyctophora

12 күн бұрын

Good luck, I hope that you escape soon and safely. Try to keep it from him as much as you can. Sending love x

@EllenBrighton

12 күн бұрын

I was trapped too. Wish you well save all you can but don't tell anyone your plans.. Best wishes.

@bobbiemartin8774

12 күн бұрын

ASAP

Ever notice how they Block doorways so you can't leave. Cornering you to intimidate you.

@djathome6764

3 күн бұрын

Oh wow exactly!!!!

@alexandravanova3095

2 күн бұрын

Omg yes I am not alone thank you...

@Sharla1213

Күн бұрын

Yes! Even if I was there first, he wants me to move around HIM. Big cranky wall.

I never heard anyone explain the fact that being raised by a narcissist leaves you fending for yourself while growing up and then blame you when you eventually get it wrong. Classic!

@TMoniq

12 күн бұрын

In all actuality we have always fended for ourselves even as children when you think back over the times.

@yuu_miran

11 күн бұрын

That is my case too. Never a true guidance or support. Shame and blame and guilt after decades of failing my life in multiple fields. Not that i sign off my own responsibility but perhaps im one of those children who could do better with a proper support or helpful wisdom. Or maybe not. I dont know. But they are narcs💯

@RKX_Errant

6 күн бұрын

On the positive side, sometimes being "self taught" may mean you are not indoctrinated with certain prejudices and therefore tend to be more open-minded. For instance you may be able to spot neglect earlier than the average person. Just food for thought.

@donovangray4246

6 күн бұрын

@@RKX_Errant this may be true however I don't think children can think in those terms until a certain age. Depends on the child and what messages they got. A busy neglectful parent who loves their children will think differently than a child who's parent hates their children and neglects them out of contempt.

@RKX_Errant

6 күн бұрын

@@donovangray4246 I agree with you in degrees. We both used terms that infer there are several variables. These are to be explored, as we sort out narcissism, its causes and effects.

The whole thing about" treat you like a slave" is spot on. My X now for 10 years would come home strongly complaint the house was not clean enough...dishes/ laundry is not done,etc list goes on. I was a stay at home mom of a 5 year old and newborn twins. I could never keep up all day I was doing something for one of my children. He would just yell and scream when the house was tidy up and clean to "his standards". And after all this for 15 hours a day with everything else involved in the household chores. When I was completely exhausted. He would demand sexual relations. Then go watch TV for hours while I take care of all the kids. But before that he was exhausted and needed to go to bed because he "worked all day". God forbid I ask for a little help. His reply would ALWAYS be " I worked all day today". He said staying home taking care of three children under 5 all day and keeping big up with the house chores was NOT a job. He was a total fucking narc. Again I can happily say he is my X.

@Artretha

6 күн бұрын

I'm glad you got out of that. My dad treated my mom similarly regarding what he thought was lack of cleanliness. On Saturdays, my mom and I would do household chores together when I was old enough to help out. Meanwhile, he sat on his ass watching TV. When my poor baby sister got her first migraine at 4 years old (no, really) and, inevitably, threw up, my dad made me go help my mom clean it up when I had just made a sandwich to eat, instead of going to help her. My mom is somewhat emetophobic, so that's never been easy for her. I guess it was his way of being thoughtful. 🙄 Anyway, I'm glad you dumped him and moved on. Good for you!

@elizabethf9096

11 сағат бұрын

What a jackass

I never understood how to apply make-up until I was in graduate school. My mother never showed me. She always said, "You don't need it." And yet she used it. I learned how to do make-up on my own. And I realize now..... my mother just didn't want me to show her up. She was always pathologically jealous. For example, when I was about 6, someone gave me a dress for Christmas, and it was my favorite dress. One time, my mother tried to get me to wear a dress that she bought for me, and I said I didn't like it. OH boy. My favorite dress disappeared after that day............ I asked her about it. She said, "I don't know what happened to it." I'm 52-years-old, and I finally understand. My mother got rid of it. She didn't bother to ask me, "Why do you like that dress?" To hide her toxic shame and jealousy, she just threw it away. If she'd asked, I could have told her it was my favorite color. And I liked the feel of the velvet. But.... I understand now... narcs don't CARE what you think or feel. They really don't.

Yes 💯. Not being taught about puberty, getting yelled at with homework. In a car situation, crazy driving, or given the silent treatment on an uncomfortable ride. Lovely, aren't they.

@rebekahjette6304

13 күн бұрын

My mother didn't teach me about how my body would change either... until I came to her at 13 1/2⚠️

@Sweet-fn6po

12 күн бұрын

This was my parents. I was never given any information or guidance on any subject level. I had to figure it out on my own. Then my mother would criticize the choices I made. This was over 50 years ago.

When I was 9 years old my narcissist father bought an extremely fast car. He decided to see how fast it would go with my whole family in the car. He got it up to 120mph and my mother was screaming for him to slow down. I look back now with total disgust that he would jeopardize our lives for something so stupid. Who does that? That was over 50 years ago. I never forgot it. Trauma. 😢

@eleonorabartoli2225

13 күн бұрын

I am so sorry, that must have been really terrifying!

@Indy__isnt_it

12 күн бұрын

I bet you are one of the safest drivers on the road due to that trauma.

My ex narc husband would do this in the car with the kids in the back seat. He’d play jazz music real loud on the way to church. I’d let it go for a few minutes, then ask if he’d turn it down. Then he’d turn it up and then again, yelling that he knew what good music is and I didn’t. The kids would be crying and I felt so upset and trapped. And it was so insane. Scary. Then he’d blame me and make what he did sound normal. We were married 18 years. Took a long time for me to heal. Final healing came when I found out about narcissistic personality disorder. Glad you brought this up. First I’ve heard it mentioned. He definitely used the car as a torture chamber.

@susanservin1949

10 күн бұрын

Same. Put up with 14 years of similar abuse.

@rdm98607

2 күн бұрын

On your way to church. Eeeeekkkk. Hiding behind religion is common

The car one is very true and rarely talked about. An ex narc of my would purposely start arguments and get physically and verbally abusive in the car because he knew I couldn't escape or defend myself.

@sherifitzgerald6886

13 күн бұрын

Amen. Been there done that.

My narcissistic mother didn't like to bathe kids, I learned to bathe myself when I five so i wouldn't go dirty. She didn't like to buy toothpaste, soap, clothes, and feminine products. She didn't teach us about puberty. She was always screaming and didn't want us to feel emotions. She didn't comb our hair either. She was lazy and Incompetent. She didn't help with homework, all she knew how to do was lay in a bed, sleep, and stay on the phone all day, with her fake friends. She didn't cook or provide food in general really. She's the biggest monster in my life. She married a narcissistic man who's also abusive. He'd abuse me and my sister and my mother would cover up his abuse and act like it didn't happen. She'd take over my life with her own projects, she pressured me and my sister to work for free, and she always saw us as slaves. She wouldn't let me mingle with others to make friends or find a partner. She was always jealous when I found a potential long time partner too, she'd run them off. And she'd tell me I wasn't good enough, essentially. She always tried to destroy my life, and still does. She's always criticizing me about my weight, clothing, hair, and constantly telling me what she doesn't like. When I don't care because I just want to be who I am. She wanted me to be smartmouthed and evil like her but I'm nothing like her. I don't want to be anything like her, she's a monster. And she told me when i was freshly 18 that I was completely emotionally mature (I was not). She's never supported me. I got a job as a teen and started providing for myself. She never taught me anything. I'm a mother now, I have a daughter of my own. And I teach her as much as I can. I want to be the best mother I can be for her, and not be the monster my mother was. She'll start random arguments out of nowhere too. She constantly manipulates and gaslights me over the simplest things. The best thing I can do for myself is to go no contact with my narcissistic family.

@Amylyn..

11 күн бұрын

I was not allowed a comb or a brush either my hair was down past my waist so it was a living hell❤

@klarissam8719

11 күн бұрын

@@Amylyn.. Sorry you had to go through this.

@laralara7978

4 күн бұрын

Omg this is exactly my mom 😢😊

I was never told anything as I was growing up. She was only interested in my brothers. God helped me get through this. I am her only daughter and I wasn't treated right, by either of my parents. Praise be to the father for releasing me from their grip.

@uzmaahmed.catmoon

7 күн бұрын

So sorry to hear this! I know another only girl child among brothers who gets mistreated.

Wow, first time I hear about the gatekeeping of hygiene and it reminded so many details of my youth. My mother didnt even teach us to brush our teeth, it was at school we learnt it, and she wasn't happy...

@TMoniq

12 күн бұрын

She wasn't happy because she saw the potential in her children and knew that if any opportunities came by you all will eventually leave her behind. If not that, some are so jealous and cruel that they won't mind taking themselves down to gutter if it means you'll go to. "Who are you that you think you can better than me?" Mentality

@Kristina-zn7fn

12 күн бұрын

Same here. I remember, that my uncle taught me how to brush my teeth. As I became a teenager, I only got a book from her, which explained, what is happening with my body and what to do.

My husband used the car to scream at me and sling verbal assaults at me like I'd never seen. He will speed up, scream, slam on the brakes in the soft shoulder, and threaten me. Whenever I try to talk, he screams more. He did this to me recently when we were on the way to take our daughter to the hospital. The rage came out of nowhere and something snapped inside of me. I haven't been the same since. I feel broken. But these videos are empowering.

@bobbiemartin8774

12 күн бұрын

You can leave

@paulineklostermann5877

12 күн бұрын

My husband treatet me desame. Narcissist, alcoholic, cocaïne He was en ugly moster. Do you know that song from David Bowie? Scary munsters and supercreaps. That song is about evil people. I wisch you love and power from Holland. ❤

@Owlbutterfly

10 күн бұрын

I feel your pain on that

@tjitjo

8 күн бұрын

Get out. It will NOT GET BETTER.

@mimap275

7 күн бұрын

Yes plan ur exit , cos clearly something is wrong with him , not u , him

I just realised the reason why I’m too afraid to drive and even forgot how to: car trauma. My father was a reckless driver and got us in a horrible accident when I was 6 that left me with bodily scars. I grew up ashamed of my body because of them. My fear of driving increased when my mom forced me to drive my little sister to school when she was in elementary school. Later in life I had a bad car accident that left my car totaled. I decided to not drive again, as the anxiety made me fear for my safety (and that of those that might ride with me). My mother (who is a covert narc) to this day harasses me for not wanting to drive, claiming she “doesn’t understand why”. Thankfully, I will be soon moving to a place where I don’t need a car and can just take trains or ride a bike. A place far away from the narc

@XiaoGuanYin104

12 күн бұрын

Omg! I don't drive anymore either!!! Too scary!!!

Not sure if you mentioned it, but WHY DO SOME EAT WITH THEIR MOUTH OPEN??? HE'S 69 years old! I think it's an intentional way to irritate those around.

@anniekirts6621

13 күн бұрын

That’s right up there with singing the loudest in booming voice in church, only 1/4 step AHEAD of everyone else...Yeesh!

@alethiasingleton3109

12 күн бұрын

Narracissits love smacking their mouths while chewing Disgusting

“Psychological suffocation”… you said it all. The terrifying road rage has been the hallmark of my experience with the narc. Everything and nothing makes him angry.

First time I was glad I grew up in the 80-90s before cell phones and internet were huge -was when you mentioned that narc parents could video their kids 🤦‍♀️. … that’s awful and I can totally see that happening 🤦‍♀️

The car torture chamber is very familiar. I always hated it. My father played the same songs and god forbid you had an opinion on it. There would be a screaming match. He also loved (and my mom) to smoke in the car, choking me and whenever I dared to ask him not to, i got the whole "this is my car, i do what i want" screaming. Finally, I used to plead with him not to speed down the motorway. Again, screaming waterfall about how he is the driver and I should shut up. I remember hugging my pillow, softly crying, fearing for my life. My ex narc husband used the car trap for road rage and speeding etc. And of course he decided the music. All other drivers were idiots, rules applied to others not him. It took him 2 years to get the kid a car seat after divorce and he had an issue with wearing seatbelts.

The hygiene and torture chamber! My mother did not want me to bathe everyday as a child. She said it was not necessary. When I became a teen-ager, I did it anyway. I also hand washed my clothes because she would not allow me to use the washer and she rarely did laundry. She would drink and become agressive in the car and start speeding and yelling at me.

If you are a child of a narcissist you are doomed. They have zero emotional empathy that´s why. You are an object for them - to present their friends... What narcissists are good at is giving gifts but they don´t give time or attention to their children. And yeah I don´t know why but narcissists never can sit still a long time - they always have to do something. (I don´t know where they take that energy but yeah they do and also want that from other people. And never fight in a car - stay silent because it is simple too dangerous (just be smart - I know it is difficult for me it is/was too but I stay and will always stay silent in a car. Do yourself a favor if you know you are with a narcissist - don´t look back - LEAVE.

@TMoniq

12 күн бұрын

All this is so true! I used to hate being paraded around by my bio Narc Mother. No! They can never sit still because they have restless souls.

@XiaoGuanYin104

12 күн бұрын

They bought me a piano. I was so happy- until they wanted me to play in front of others, so they could take credit for their musical daughter.

@arleensanchez1174

6 күн бұрын

@@XiaoGuanYin104 So sorry. My father made me play the piano in front of anybody and everybody; especially my new boyfriend. I guess he wanted to show him, my boyfriend, what a good girl I was. I ended up marrying that boyfriend a few years later. But MANY fiascoes were dealt with because of my dad. He was a mean, cowardly man. PS. I was a good girl and it took me years to realize that I was good because of ME, not my nut-so dad.

Yes Narracissits love to fight or destract you when your driving because you have your hands on the wheel they know you cannot fight back or you will wreck 😢

The car trap, yes, for sure. Several times when he (husband) has done that, it is frightening, especially the speeding and reckless driving. Once, I was driving him in my car. He was mad at me for something (as usual), so he took his heavy work boot and mashed my foot (in a flip flop) down as hard as he could on my ecselerator, to cause us to speed. Also, yes, sad that all the household chores are mine... everything! All he does is mow the yard...with the winter off. While I have all the: grocery shopping meal planning cooking dish washing all the cleaning!!! all the dog care (its his dog) all the garbage collection and take out and everything else. He won't lift a finger inside the house. Once I was making a nice homemade lasagna. I was very surprised when I discovered that I had forgotten one of the ingredients that I needed. So I asked husband if he would run up to the store (about 5 minutes away) and get me the ingredient. His reply "NOPE"... But, the worst part isn't doing all that work by myself. It's the lack of respect for what I do to keep the house clean and functioning. I will clean and turn around and he leaves coffee spilled on the floor or crumbs or soup spilled on the counters...after I have cleaned. Or hair in the shower,after I have scrubbed out the shower. It's just the lack of respect for my effort and time. But, boy, if I was to dirty up his sports car, after he cleans it, I would not hear the end of it! Funny how he respects what's important to only himself! The worst part is also that it never gets me any merit or gratitude. I never hear any positive comments or even a single thank you. Thats the narcissist, they are not grateful, they expect it!!! All I can say is that I am so grateful my nature/nurture didn't create me to be a narcissist. They are miserable creatures who lead miserable lives, and they don't even know it...

@renaissance5300

11 күн бұрын

sounds liikke me I was his slave even gave him half my house now cant do much cuz I have lyme disease cuzyardwas ammess and full of ticks never cleaned garage or car hundreds of mice in garage and shed pee and poo never cleand garbage pail one day I opened it up and full of maggots they are careless and lzy parasites road rage almost killed me they break or steal your stuff I must leave after 38 years cant take it anymore I hope you find a way out of it dont let time slip by so good luck and gods blessing to you

@lindyc.2552

11 күн бұрын

@@renaissance5300 Same to you. I hope you find your better life!

@fancypinkg

8 күн бұрын

Similar list+ yard mow and weeding, and never noticing when things look good only noticing what was not done cause you run out of time or energy. I feel you. while watching football complained when asked to buy gas during half time so I could mow the lawn. Otherwise it doesn’t get done.

@fancypinkg

8 күн бұрын

They are ungrateful, selfish , cruel, indolent

I had to work at the age of fifteen because my mother refused to buy basic care needs such as shampoo, toothpaste, toilet paper, etc. My first bra was one of her old ones that I dug out of the bottom of her drawer because she would not buy me one. The list goes on and on. I would use my dad's socks because I didn't have any, and then get yelled at for using his socks. What a horrible nightmare my childhood was. But I am blessed because Jesus loves me, and He rescued me from all the abuse and He has healed my soul. When you put your trust in Him, you will become a new person and you will have peace.

@rosiemcking72

12 күн бұрын

Amen dear one!!! HE SEE'S ALL and He restores and heals in a big way...

I’m am free, I was a slave for 19 years, I did everything and nothing was good enough. He drove fast and never wore a seatbelt with the kids in the car ❤ Escape, find peace and healing and save your life 🙏🏻❤️🦋🦋🦋🦋

Yes, everything slowly became my job. The kids, mowing the yard, cleaning the house, cooking, laundry, and having a full time job. He worked 8 months out of the year.

The moment you said about car and torture chamber... That was enough for me to feel unsettled... So much through it..

those childhood car trips are the reason I cant drive a car till this day without experiencing mild to severe panic attacks..smh

@anniekirts6621

13 күн бұрын

❣🙏 I can relate. My Mother thought a STOP sign meant speed up & may the fastest win!

OMG, Thank you for mentioning the bad way of using religion!!!! That was my first Narc!!! I read "his" book and pointed to him and said, "This part is about You. It's the forked tongue that lies cheats and decieves people to get money". That was one of the only rare times he didn't have a comeback.

Like a bad stage mom!! And regularly he would promise to take his son to play basketball & then get all dressed up in a suit & leave by himself. My son got so tired of it he stopped asking. I started taking him myself and then my son said it to me .."Why does he even keep promising to take me and then he always leaves?"😢 God bless him, the look in his eyes said it all. "My dad sucks"!!! He will be 28 in a few days & he still has bad issues stemming from his 'sociopathic narcissist of a father'. I don't want my son to suffer anymore but it's still lingering since he was 12.

Absolutely true my mom never even took me to buy a bra, or about the cycle for women, never went to a dentist or doctor

@raquellofstedt9713

13 күн бұрын

@@lynshively5980 So many of my peers went through this . Awefull.

@streaming5332

13 күн бұрын

I know your pain.

@Sharla1213

Күн бұрын

I’m so sorry. Shame on her.

Yes one narcissist in a car wouldn't stop the car for hours knowing I had to pee and replayed one song repeatedly

I have a tip that worked for me yall. I noticed that the crazy driving gets worse when you’re paying attention to what theyre doing and react. I would usually look entirely away from traffic and look far out the window or in my phone. They live for every hit of the brakes, speeding, turning crazily, almost rear ending vehicles, not properly stopping or yielding and coming out of corners with oncoming cars. It all stopped once i averted my attention. Really they're the only one stressing themselves in that situation. They'll find another way probably loud music or arguing. This is why i kept my headphones with me for back up. Worked like a charm til i could get away. Buds or airpods work cause I used my hair to hide it. Wire headphones seem to trigger them more. Crazy I have to give out advice such as this but I still hope it helps someone 🥰🥰

@Samantha-Starseed

2 күн бұрын

Yes let's not forget the grabbing of the steering wheel while you're driving and yanking it putting us in the ditch and skidding sideways nearly rolling numerous times summer and winter nearly died a few times. Scary times

@Sharla1213

Күн бұрын

Thank you!!! if I point out that he has miss judged something he gets irate and drives stupid. I should just not look. I usually insist on driving now after years of torture. Once I was in the car, he decided he wanted to run every errand he had, and not even tell me where we were going.

@HealedChakras777

Күн бұрын

@@Sharla1213 asking for info like where we're going, or to slow down etc is futile!! Im glad i could help 🥰🥰

I wasn't taught about personal hygiene at home; the serious matters on feminity. Because of this I got terribly embarrassed during one of my periods. And now married to a narcissist, I have to keep quiet and apologize for my fault or not during every argument just to let him win to keep peace for the children's sake.

I got a story, my narcissistic husband (he is a RN his name is Justin)knew the suburbans back brakes were completely worn out/gone, did everything in his manipulative power of, trying to minimize, promised, insured, to angry coercive control tried to convince me that the vehicle was absolutely safe to drive from Houston to big bend national park to take my 5 children (he wasn't coming) camping for two weeks. He was cheating on me for years before this trip and I started putting the pieces together after a woman he works with, who also live in our neighborhood started screaming at him at the community pool. So instead of admitting, he just tried to delete me and all five of my children, with an accident the would look just like a terrible tragedy. So that he would have to be confronted, and would get to be a victim of a terrible accident.

@anniekirts6621

13 күн бұрын

OMG! How sick! You can really see the inability to feel love or empathy! I hope he’s out of your life! ❣🙏💪

@sup8447

13 күн бұрын

@@anniekirts6621 He has absolute control of everything

@amycimaglia913

11 күн бұрын

My ex gave me a car with no brakes 3 years ago.

My mom would shave everywhere for me even when I cried when I was like 12-13. She wouldn’t trust me or teach me to do it myself. She said it was “too sharp.” She likes treating me like a child. I’m 19, which is a child compared to grown adults but still I am blossoming into early adulthood and should be responsible but she wants to make me have the mindset of a child so she can feel powerful and authoritative. A few days ago, at my cousin’s house, I dropped some food on the floor by accident and we literally had an argument because I wanted to pick it up and she kept saying no she will clean it up later. What a bxtch.

@cindys.9688

13 күн бұрын

I'm glad to see that you are realizing the narcissist abuse now. Yes, you're a young adult, but you're mature enough to make your own decisions, clean up after yourself, and to stand up for yourself. You're a young adult, yet you are an adult. You are capable and you're smart. Shaving you was definitely an act of control. Yes, the razor was sharp, but how are you going to learn how to use it if she won't let you try? And seriously, how many grown women with years of shaving experience still nick themselves from time to time?

@lotusmccary9365

13 күн бұрын

She is trying to infantalize you

@TMoniq

12 күн бұрын

She infantilised you, I know because it happened to me. I had to literally yell at my grandmother to stop making decisions for me and speaking for me when someone request or an opportunity for me. She would say, "Oh! So and so asked if you'd be interested in doing this..... And I told them you wouldn't be interested" Like why would you do that. She would also wake me up for school and I was in highschool and able to wake myself up. I told her to stop I'm responsible you don't have to remind me of something I do myself every morning which is get ready for school in time.

@XiaoGuanYin104

12 күн бұрын

I was infantilized also. I am 72 now, and mourning the life I could have had.

@lennie1703

12 күн бұрын

@honeymoonavenue97 That shaving everywhere sounds sick! Tell her, nobody but NOBODY touches your body except a doctor. Unless you are an adult and legally able to give permission, no one touches you!

Also, threatening to leave you or your friends on the side of the road when far away from home or no public transportation. Wanting to stop the car in isolated places. Careless about wildlife. Refusing to stop to check on people who just had an accident.

@user-ov4wr5yu4r

12 күн бұрын

Omg, yes! And walk away from you in cities you're not familiar with, just leave.

Thanks Danish ... I think point number 5, speeding the car is I noticed very frequently done by narcissists.

Interesting video. My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her

@tomachibald

13 күн бұрын

its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but i couldnt just let her go i did all i could to get her back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring her back

@stanleymason-od4ls

13 күн бұрын

Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach her?

@tomachibald

13 күн бұрын

Her name is Shelly renee white , and she is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.

@stanleymason-od4ls

13 күн бұрын

Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive

@annanderson1470

13 күн бұрын

​@@stanleymason-od4lsTHIS is not the answer. You will lose money and not get her back. Do you want the demonic to come into your life? This is Not what this channel is about. I'm 58 years old and I was married 15 yrs. to a narcissist but I never knew it. He almost killed me. The last time he pulled a gun on me was the last. Our daughter learned how to be a narcissist from him. I didn't even know about this until a year ago until she out of the blue took herself, my 3 granddaughters and my son-in-law out of my life. That's what they do. Do you understand?? You will never be free from everything unless you Walk with God and you understand what you are dealing with. Spiritual advisor... Some terms are used rather loosely and that is one of them. Stanley, I don't know how old you are, anything about you but your comment and the reply screamed HELP!! Take it for what I implore you to take it for. Please let Danish, the man doing this video info you. Subscribe to his channel. He is a licensed psychologist and a narcissist survivor. Let him help you. And I will pray for you. God will help you. Peace and Blessings may they overtake you 😢🙏🙏🙏

❤I remember whenI caught my period for the first time. My twin had hers a year earlier AND it was super painful for her AND on our birthday to WoodfieldMall in Chicago, we had to drive home- but my mom helped her for 3 days with it

Oh Lord! Thank you for making these videos. Both of my parents are narcissists. Growing up in this kind of environment is extremely damaging; some people don't understand it. My mother would get so upset and angry because, in her mind, she gave birth to a servant. I owed her to be born. She would never ask or demand any sacrifices from my other two siblings, she would always expect me to serve her and make her "happy".

Makes me worry even more for my grandson that's turning 13. I wish I could get him out of that hell.. but everyone thinks she's so sweet. I know what she does behind closed doors .

The car trap is my biggest trigger to this day

I did not know the narc parent does not help teach thier children with looking after thier developing body. I was so embarrassed needing a bra, didn't know how the sizing works, begged mom to help me purchase my first bra. I was so embarrassed and ashamed, She didn't agree with me, she said I did not need one. I was being mocked teased and bullied at school for not having one. My mom finally relented and took me bra shopping, my first bra was a 34b. Turns out my mom's bra was the same size 34b What confusion, ok for her to wear a bra but not me, when we are the same size, I was so naive about my body and the changes. If I had realized this before shopping I would have STOLEN one of her bra .. Just a small snippet of my life growing up with two narcs. Dad was a grandiose narc and Mom was a covert narc. Your videos are helpful, I am able to see more narc behavior so I thank you for this

Yes all true!!! My grandma was the religious narc always used scripture to benefit herself and herself only. Telling me to forgive her narc relatives bc that’s what God wants me to do. Gaslighting me to go to church, not bc she actually wants me to get closer to God, but bc it makes HER look good and she doesn’t want to go alone. Just crazy and loony smh it’s so important that people build their OWN relationship with our creator and not allow these narcopaths to deter you away from God

Oh! Thank God I finally was told about using a car as a torture chamber. I've had so many terrifying experiences out on the interstate highway. I often thought I'd perish. My narcissist husband was also I to spiritual abuse. He used scripture to torture me and make me tolerate and submit to many things. I was married to this man for 31 years. Thank you Danish

The car torture. Not married to him and know he treats me in such an abusive manner when it’s just me and him. Or, alone at his place. I’m in the process of being out of the relationship.

My narcissistic mother would terrorize me in the car constantly as a teen. Yelling and screaming at the top of her lungs non stop! I hate her guts and have recently completely cut all ties with her and I've never felt so much relief!

Thank you Danish. This was a little triggering as I've been trapped in the passenger seat of the car while being harrassed non-stop. At one point the narc attempted to remove my seat belt then tried to open the car door to throw me out. I was in survival mode so to try to snap him out of it I swung at him and accidentally gave him a black eye. I ended up with a GBH charge against me and was facing up to five years in prison. My lawyer had my back and I got 12 months probation.

@dv52528

13 күн бұрын

Oh my God!

@Sharla1213

Күн бұрын

Flight or fight in full action good for you! That is madness

Exactly 😢😢this happened to me... During my early teens...my mom disrespected my developing body in the weirdest way... Oh ..that trauma

Omg! I almost cried because my parents never taught me how to even wipe myself properly. I had to learn from a friend. They didn't teach me how to take care of my hair. Just bad and sad.

The one about making me do all the work and then when I get fed up and ask for help, then I'm a nag. Also the car trap. Interesting to hear it referred to as a type of abuse specific to narcissists. There were so many things he used to do that made going anywhere with him a miserable ordeal. I'm trying to move on and forget about all the things he did but it's validating to hear these things and helps me realize that it was actually abuse and I'm not crazy.

Drove like crazy to scare me

@narcabusecoach Danish - bit off topic but related to entitlement and control. Have you heard from others about zero respect for personal space, entering your room without knocking and without advance notice? Even now, at adult age, my father doesn't give a toss about ringing door bell, just walks right in, uses his key feeling totally entitled to do so. Doesn't understand the concept of privacy at all. It's extremely unsettling, intrusive and invasive.

@eleonorabartoli2225

13 күн бұрын

Change the locks, it is an easy DIY.

@lydiagall4335

13 күн бұрын

@@eleonorabartoli2225 well, thanks for the tip. it so happens that bc there is a grandchild involved and my folks have a spare key for times when they pick kid up and take him home from nursery. i think the point here is that regardless of spare key, as i have to to their place, i always ring the bell bc fundamentally it's their space, and as a health human being, i respect that and dont encroach on their private space.

@eleonorabartoli2225

13 күн бұрын

@@lydiagall4335 yes, very rude on their part.

@heatherann4390

3 күн бұрын

You're obviously allowing it or you have very poor boundaries with your father.

@lydiagall4335

3 күн бұрын

@@heatherann4390 wow. Love the assumption. No, i don’t allow it, i have mentioned it several times but unless it escaped you, narcissist don’t give a crap about boundaries. They feel entitled.

The car... Not allowing you to roll the windows down in a very hot day, smoking in your car, not wanting to help with the driving in an emergency situation where you cannot drive but must to because that's your only way... Damaging your car... Leaving yous stuff there purposely for them to spoil in the sun... Oh my... The memories from "the artistic" slc.

I spent all Saturday's cleaning..I had a long list

Also, car rides with them often become HELL IN A CELL.

This is true--the first pads/tampons I ever had are when I got a job at 16. She just pretended it didn't exist, then scream at me when there was too much toilet paper in the trashcan. I stole them from everywhere I went, that was the only thing I could do. I'm 46, to this day, we've never spoke about me 'starting' yet.

The car trap as described is something of a paradox when the driver and the narcissist are opposing parties in the same car, particularly if the narcissist for some reason does not have a drivers license to begin with. Say the narcissist has a medical restriction and cannot drive, so you have agreed to drive, then somehow an argument breaks out and they either demand you turn around and go home, or bring them home, just because they're having an argument with you that's irrelevant to where you're driving to. And you refuse to turn around and drive back home because you're already more than halfway there. (I personally would call that a legitimate boundary if you're stuck having to drive them everywhere.) Or this passenger has a prior and/or recent history of either threatening or attempting to jump out of your (or at least *a*) moving vehicle, so often that the next time you have to srive them you make them sit in the back, where there's a child lock. (Again, a legitimate response that they twist into you holding them hostage in your car.) Both of the above scenarios, while I hesitate to describe the passengers involved as narcissists per se, are both real incidents involving two seperate regular passengers with no drivers license I personally drove around on a regular basis. Oh and did I mention that one of these two people forbade me to allow others to smoke in the car, even when she wasn't in it, despite it being my car that I owned independently of her? (Granted, I'm not a smoker but I come from a family of smokers, so that created a seperate host of problems.)

100% accurate- car fights but covert narcissists I knew(2) wouldn’t speed (thankfully) because they don’t want anyone to pull them over and discover them- covert narcissists make the outside appear perfect, putting on a “show” for everyone else and that includes driving close to the speed limit…

Absolutely! I've just realized that, higiene was tought as a punishment. And my mother never showed me how to take personal care of myself. I learned how to clean my face when I was almost 30.

There are many channels on narcissistic abuse, and I have to say, your insights are completely unique. #1 in this video floored me! How perfectly true and I have never thought of that as connected to narcissism. #5 had me laughing right at the opening!!! As you correctly point out, people often say that everyone complains about 'backseat driving' or other such things, but the torture chamber is spot on. Excellent presentations. Thank you for your work.

The 5th was one of the worst experiences with my narc spouse, I was panicked for the safety of me and my kids... 19 years of nightmare..... 😢😢😢

Thank you. I was the slave. Washing cleaning cooking fir up to ten people. Then cleaning ir up again . She screamed if she thought i had peeled the veges too thickly. I was adopted and my siblings said that is why they got me to do the work. My dear step father didnt know half of what my life was like. I loved him and when he was dying, she would not let me see him. He died thinking i didnt care. I never told him about the physical or emotional abuse. I just thought that was the way it was meant to be for me. Thank you Dannish. I know i didnt imagine it.❤

I have experienced all of your scenarios….you really know what it is like to suffer narcissistic abuse.

There was religious abuse, and car torture too. (shudderrr) During long term "marriage", nex would drive terrifyingly fast on winding hilly roads until i was in a state of terror. He claimed i made us late, but he *wanted* to. Twp vehicles of ours caught fire in strange ways during the years with him, and one was completely totaled from flames. I don't know if he had anything to do with these, but there are details that make me wonder. Later after we moved to a mountainous state, he tailgated vehicles and drove crazy on the small mountain roads until i;d be hyperventilating, on the floorboard, and sobbing multiple times. Once during a blizzard, he tried to lose me (i was supposed to follow him in my car) in the middle of nowhere and my daughter and i could have died if she hadn't spotted him way off in the distance. Another time he called & lured me down a mountain trail to give him a "battery jump" as he was clearing the driveway. He parked his heavy snowplow truck in the center of the trail, got out standing off to the side, and waited for me to descend. As he knew would happen, i lost control on the final steep portion and my vehicle careened down the mountain straight for the truck. I figured out the only thing to do was to turn off the road and let the car plunge into a deep snow drift, which possibly saved my life i now know. The last time i drove a distance with nex, i vowed to myself i would NEVER put myself through driving with him again, and we finally managed to get away to safety. Once a narcissist, or any psychotic abuser gets someone in a car, their nature becomes apparent. Here's to healing & good lives for ALL survivors.

The car trap is the one I relate the most with. The first instance happened last year when I ran away from my moms house and was a block from my dads house when my mom caught up with me and forced me in her car. I threatened to jump out and she immediately sped up to probably about 50 mph on a residential street in town and replied “do it, jump out and you die.” Next instance is recently when I got in the car with her to go to lunch. Her and my little sister were being extremely negative and making the trip miserable so I asked her to just drop me off back at my dad’s. She said “no way, you’re staying with me” and drove me around town for about another 2-3 hours.

I only ride with my narcissistic partner when it is absolutely necessary. He terrorizes me by driving recklessly. That is one hundred percent true about narcissists. I know from personal experience. Both my narcissistic parents used to do that too. It is terrifying. It is the reason I still don't drive as an adult. I have quite a bit of trauma around this. Being behind the wheel of a car gives me intense panic attacks.

It is my mother who experienced the car trap, she was often punched inside the car by my father without having a means to escape. He was also used to just expelling us, my mother and me each time we angered him, he could talk to a woman on the phone and when my mom called him out on it, he just got angry and ordered us to leave his vehicle. I also experienced a lack of personal hygiene but I was also partly responsible I was so depressed that I started neglecting myself but my parents always constantly shamed me for that. I started taking care of my body only when I became an adult. I personally never experienced the "influencer narcissist" who treats their children as their money machine and I pray for these poor children whose lives are just thrown outside for social media to see.

Point 1 : i can relate that very well. I grown up without knowing the basics.

Albert Einstein suggested, “Maybe we’re just surrounded by a-holes.” “Yours broke.” I am 72 years old and still remember my experience on that day despite the almost fifty years passed. My mother had visited with her British family in Wolverhampton, England. The area still produces pottery and bone China. She purchased lovely gifts for family members, which included my two sister-in-laws. I unwrapped my broken teapot, feeling humiliated and devalued as a daughter. But, what remains as a worse memory was the narcissistic smirks shared by all three women. I threw the teapot away in the trash. In 1987, my husband survived a horrific vehicular accident in which he sustained a closed head injury and broken bones, collapsed lung, removal of his spleen, with concern that one crushed shin and ankle might require amputation. He was not expected to live. When I phoned his brother, his response was, “What do you want from me?” I advocated and cared for my husband for 32 years. Tom passed away on June 25th, I did not communicate with either side of family members.

The Car one is definitely traumatic for me: there was multiple times where my ex would start speeding, weaving in and around other cars while blaring his EDM music and smoking. I remember I would be curled in the passenger seat covering my eyes and ears. I felt so trapped and tortured. I even threatened him that i would legit throw myself out of the moving car a few times... Or another time when he was teaching me how to drive, he was screaming at me because i didn't follow his instructions right away. I legit had to pull over and stop because of how unsafe the whole situation was. When i was finally more confident on driving, he wouldnt let me drive but when i did i still wasnt able to play my music because it was "too emo" and it "gave him an headache" 😑

One of the most frightening behaviors of a narc. Playing the Hostage game. Mine would try to pick a fight with me over the most trival of things, then, when I was quiet, he' d rage, either grab me by the neck or put his foot through the dashboard kicking it so hard he' d dent it. All the while, driving at a high rate of speed and jerking the car around corners... yelling, "Answer me." He tried to blame me for his lack of control even when his former partners later described the SAME exact bizarre behavior from him . I had repressed the crazy behavior because it was so frightening, and fortunately happened so rarely but this video made me remember it. What bothers me now that I am free is, I had learned quickly how to not be silent, and was forced to answer all his stupid questions like he was gaining fuel off me to rage even more when I did or didn't answer. ???? It affected my self esteem, my personal worth and my potential. But no more. I' m glad I am free of that monster' s coersive abuse. I am sure many on here have yet to leave an abusive partner, too and my prayers are for you and your children to be safe too. . It is not easy but the alternative is worse. They could physically hurt you, themselves or someone else . Thank you, Mr. Danish for helping us see the truth. Healing does come . Thank God. 🙏

Terrible words and actions (and inaction) to do to anyone, esp a child. I left my narc parents at 16. I’ve been through the car torment. And my first adult boyfriend had to teach me about wearing deodorant at the beach. 🙈 My alcoholic mother loved me but was super codependent to my step father who was a huge man-child narcissist. Great video Danish. It breaks my heart if you went through any of this in your childhood too. 🙏❤️

3:43 working at 24 hours slave I can't agree more. I'm still remembered that I was worked 8am to 6pm as Casino Hospitality. When I'm got home, my Narcissistic Mother will ordering me to help on Household until Midnight 2am. I was still remembered I was crying inside Casino's restroom because I was too tired and don't know what to do at that time. 2am to 6am was not enough of sleep for me.

It’s like this video was made about my parents. One example was years ago my stepdad used to buy me books and pamphlets about Buddhism and would always encourage me to be peaceful and loving and accepting of others… meanwhile he practiced none of those things himself and was very verbally and psychologically abusive. I figured this one out on my own luckily, but it’s immensely validating to hear you talking about this in your video, thank you!

"Trauma is in the details." Reviewing the interaction exposes the sinister truth.

I recall the narc telling me that his mother never taught him the importance of brushing his teeth and how he shouldn’t eat so much candy, so they eventually fell out.

Mr Bashir you are simply wonderful..👍🏾💥🔥💖🖤

the car trap game ,so familiar and the deal with your body without any help at all also. I remember fear in the car and shame and embarrassment about my body. I don't think any other videos about narcissism mention these things but for me they were profound traumas with life long effects.

My husband uses the car trap all the time. If he’s in a bad mood, he speeds and road rages. We end up having a fight over it. So exhausting.

Part of it I experienced with my narcissist mother, the other part with ex spouse.😊 good points, thanks 😊

Spouse has many narc. behaviors but when I call him out he really seems to try to moderate… I only wish I had caught on decades ago.

My sons mother in law is a narcisist, she likes being in control, i tell my son stay away, just stay away from her as much as you can.

inescapeable for me as just a child, 24 hours of con-drama! thank you so much for sharing your view on the car (and general mobility) becoming a torture chamber. very helpful for me understanding my phobia .

Oh my.. the hygiene part is a immediately trigger for bad memory by my mother. My throat hurts, 😔 it's now I think of it. Sighs, I teach my children to be clean just as anybody else. I try not to overdo it to tell my daughter she's just 15. The other things I don't recognize but that part I do. Who in the world wants their children to be laughed at, abandoned by other children or families etc. Ugh it's so shameful 😞

OMG!!! THE TORTURE CHAMBER- THE CAR😮 My mother used to do this!!! She has this "privileged" mindset. This chauffeuring began when I got my driver's license at 15 years old. I digress. My car was no longer drivable,[as an adult]she promised to get me a new one. Well, she lied about that and never did, I digress again😊 Whenever I needed her car I'd have to take her to work and then pick her up from work. Ugh! She began using those 8 min trips to RAGE, argue, lie, scream, threaten, Hollar, and rage at me while I'm driving. This went on for 2 years, so much so I'd get anxiety attacks the night before. I began telling her she needed to drive herself to work. She raged then too but I felt so much more peace and still do. 😊 PEACE is worth gaining. I don't tolerate it anymore. Thanks for pointing this out, as well as the weaponization of a teen's developing body, yeah, she did that too! These people ARE monsters!

SHE TOLD ME I COULD NOT BATHE WHEN I GOT MY PERIOD. HOW STUPID IS THAT. 😢😢😢

Trauma is in the details! 1. Withholding hygiene making fun of children. 2. Exploiting children, sold for money 3. Expected to work 24/7 4. Toxic spirituality to gaslight you 5. Use their car as a torchure chamber This....things people don't talk about. Thank you for explaining psychological strangulation. Been through them all And my children. Blended family, and it was an utter nightmare for everyone. Made my kids run from Christian's as thr abuse was so deep I still just weep. And most didn't see, but many did Thank God I finally left for good. Three ended up homeless while two ride the high horse. What comes around, goes around This I know and I cling to hope Bless anyone trying to make sense of this experience and much love and healing to all!

I've experienced the car trauma. My father would drink, get mad, then speed up to 100 miles an hour. Terrifying

@user-of4iq4vn9mAngel2Jeanie

4 күн бұрын

My dad pulled the van over choked me and punched me in the throat. but that was a long time ago however I stay in my room always have at least I can shut the door now but the open it and I have had no privacy I always had to slip out slip away to get privacy but they hunt me down

@Nina_6621

4 күн бұрын

@@user-of4iq4vn9mAngel2Jeanie God love you! It's terrible to grow up with a violent father.

My narc did them all, especially the car chamber. Absolute horror!

Thank you so much Danish for this video... I was wondering if you would do one about how narcissists control conversations; tell you to be quiet and talk the whole time; talk about themselves and have no interest in you; tell you they don't like to talk at mealtime or make conversation at any time...

Narcissistic parents do not guide you. You are afraid to hv meaningful communication when coming into puberty but make a mistake becuz u weren't given knowledge that a parent shd give you; u will be persecuted as the worst human being. As a young girl coming into womanhood, 2 pamphlets were thrown at me as my learning tool. U learn on ur own by trial & error; a really hard lesson

Hi Danish, you really can tell so much about a person by how they drive!! Love you, thanks for all you do!!❤

Thank you for this Danish!!!!!!

The hurt comes when the Narc expresses pleasure from causing emotional pain 😢

so true, thank you!

Omg yes you’re right about the car trap! Happened to me where one lady I was friends with, thankfully no more, she drove me around in circles on the highway! I now realize she did that so she can get attention and talk her head off about her own problems. And she did that too, to trap me into spilling my beans of whatever I was going through. Then later on, she ended up hurting me emotionally with something so horrible. I was so hurt! I actually saw a psychic to find out about her, and I didn’t mention to the psychic anything about her behavior. I told psychic I wondering about her. It was very weird, she told me that she’s a narcissist! I was shocked to hear that especially because she never met her or knew anything about her! I could finally see the signs after she told me. After hearing that, I blocked her on social media and never saw her again.

I experience the torture chamber. I am the driver in this household, because my spouse can not drive because of a medical condition. Every ride turns into a fight as he is the back seat driver, criticize my every move, changes the radio station when I am singing along. I have been driving for 46 years, never a speeding ticket nor accident. I am an assertive driver, but never good for him, Lost count of how many times I end up crying out of frustration,when we go out.😢