David & Jill demonstrate the power of TEAM with Chris. It started with this email:
I am 40 years old and have never been in a relationship. I've only had a handful of sexual experiences.
I used to carry a lot of shame around this, but have done some work on myself, have more or less come to terms with where I'm at, and actually really enjoy my life and am pretty happy most of the time. However, I recently developed some strong feelings towards a coworker, and this led me to re-evaluate my stance on being single.
In the past, when I've developed strong feelings towards a woman, I notice that I am prone to both negative and positive distortions, some version of:
"It's the end of the world if she isn't attracted to me," or
"She's perfect for me; there is no one else like her," or
"Sex with a beautiful woman will complete my life, or completely fulfill me".
I think I'd be better off without these distortions, but find the positive distortions to be somewhat addictive. They also make it hard for me to let go and move on. I still feel somewhat attached to this woman and haven't been able to let go and move on.
Hope this all makes sense, let me know if you have questions or if I'm missing something. Looking forward to working with you."
This email led to personal work with Chris in our Tuesday TEAM-CBT training group, roughly one year ago. Dr. Jill Levitt, the Director of Training at the Feeling Good Institute in Mountain View, California, was my co-therapist. It was one of the rawest and most riveting sessions that I can recall.
Due to the intensely personal, explosive revelations Chris shared with us during his session, he decided he did not want us to publicize his work as a podcast, which was totally understandable. Our highest priority is always the peace, safety, confidentiality, and well-being of the people we work with.
However, roughly a year later, Chris contacted us and said he’d changed his mind, which was fantastic news. He said he’d changed his mind because he had a relapse, and decided to listen to the recording of the work you’re about to hear. He said it was extremely helpful, and so he decided to let go and share it with the world.
I think you will find his personal work, published as two consecutive podcasts, to be mind-blowing, jaw-dropping, intensely inspiring, and moving.
One word of caution: Chris' voice is soft and at times difficult to hear and there is no video to accompany it. We decided to publish it in spite of this because of the overwhelming power of his work.
0:00:00 Introduction
0:01:02 T = Testing: Feeling ratings
0:05:40 E = Empathy
0:10:25 Summary of problem Chris is having
0:18:42 David's story about rejection practice
0:21:32 An overview of Chris' life
0:42:15 Empathy ratings
0:42:52 A = (Paradoxical) Agenda Setting
0:44:45 Daily Mood Log review
0:47:55 Magic Button Question
0:49:00 Addressing process resistance
0:58:22 M = Methods, starting with Positive Reframing
1:10:40 Method: Identifying the Distortions in the thought: "I'm not man enough to attract a woman."
1:12:56 Method: Externalization of Voices
1:19:05 Challenging the thought, "She's only attracted to successful men with a lot of money."
1:20:35 Externalization of Voices for the thought, "You ruined it, and now you'll never have a relationship with a beautiful woman."
1:21:50 Testing: Rerating feelings
Contact David: david@feelinggood.com
Contact Jill: jilllevitt@feelinggoodinstitute.com