I have been in a very similar boat since the lockdowns. What really piqued my interest was how you said that raising the bar over and over again until you are “perfect” and ready to date is not realistic, because you’ll never be perfect. I have been over this thought process many times and have kept myself from dating because of it. I plan on actively dating next year but my ideal would be to abstain from dating apps…so here’s to hoping I just meet the love of my life on a hike out in the woods! Thank you for your sincerity and words of wisdom.

@milesolsen_

7 ай бұрын

Yes that idea of perfection can be a real trap! Thank you for the kind words ☺️ - and I’m wishing you an amazing journey with this 🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻

@kristendiaz3113

7 ай бұрын

Thank you, Miles!

@ReginaMcNeish

7 ай бұрын

Staying off the apps is the way to go. It’s not caught on fully yet but there is a trend that’s starting to kick off as people start to realize you cannot Amazon love. The thing to IRL dating is that you have to make it a mission/priority to GET OUT and position yourself in the right places. If your a man getting the guts to walk up to someone and if your a woman turning on the receiving magnet (NOT approaching the guy. I do not care how modern we are it’s NEVER a good idea. A man will ALWAYS say yes if he thinks you’re good enough to just sleep with and you won’t know how he truly feels unless he is pursing you. The dynamic will be imbalanced and you will have to do a lot more work especially of the guy is in his feminine. You will re traumatize yourself.)

I am single/unmarried by choice and it has served me well. Honestly and truthfully, having a life partner is all rooted out of selfish reasons which involve companionship, sexual satisfaction and financial security. As a single/unmarried man, the mindset I have is that I can go out and do whatever I want whenever I want. I can eat what I want, watch what I want on TV or film, do the activities I want and to wear the clothes and accessories I want. None of these things are possible when you have a life partner because you have to prioritize another adult.

Your life 2020-2024 is a lot like mine. Thank you, this made me feel less alone.

@milesolsen_

2 ай бұрын

That’s amazing - thank you 🙏🏻

I love your story how you learned to love, value and appreciate yourself, and you fell in love with yourself. Your nature walks are also so great because connecting with nature helps you connect with yourself deeper in a healthier more grounded way. I have a similar healing journey during COVID. Four men came through my life the last four years, but I never went out on a date. Those relationships triggered my childhood trauma wounds and provided me opportunities to love, value and appreciate myself more. I also healed with my family relationships. We hit a difficult spot last summer so we are on a break, but my fingers are crossed. I refuse to interact with people, including family, who project their self hate on me. It sounds like you healed your emotional pain, so you can create secure, healthy relationships. Only in the last couple of months have I been able to form healthy heart-based connections with secure attachments. Now, it feels like my left and right brains are in union when I am attracted to someone. Previously, my right brain would be "in love" but my left brain, the way they actually treated me, was not "in love" with how I was being treated. That discrepancy shows the unhealed emotional pain. My right brain or "love" kept me in the connections when I wasn't being respected, valued and loved because that is how my childhood was. That way of relating to men was familiar but it wasn't healthy. Trauma responses are often like that. I loved my parents but they treated me poorly, so I was subconsciously recreating my unbalanced relationships with my dad within those four relationships. I had to heal from both of my maternal and paternal wounds before I was able to establish internal balance and become the best version of myself. Thank you for sharing.

You look really beautiful and glowing. I'm so glad you have found peace with yourself. I just ended a long-term relationship, and I'm deciding I really need a break for myself. My goal is to be celibate for at least a year. I've done it before. It feels great to come back to ourselves and be true to ourselves. I feel that as women, we really lose track of our value and just jump into bed with men way too easily. I'm going to value myself and save my sacred sexuality for a person who really deserves it. And if no one deserves it, that's fine too.

@milesolsen_

2 ай бұрын

Thank you so much - wishing you the very best in your journey! 🙏🏻☺️✨

You've achieved a lot! I'm impressed...I have the beginnings of many books on my laptop that go back many years and that's probably all they'll ever be...mere beginnings. Well done! 🎊♎🙏

@milesolsen_

7 ай бұрын

Aw thank you! 🙏🏻☺️

Very beautiful story. You sound balanced. We all need these periods to find out who we really are, alone and detached from the relationship dramas and other people's energies and expectations. * * All the best to you and your writing career! Thank you for sharing ❤ * * *

@milesolsen_

7 ай бұрын

Thank you for these kind words! 🙏🏻

Very interesting and inspiring!! I have a similar experience. No dating at all 4 years. I also started writing. It is amazing how much time you get for yourself once you decide not to date. For excercise (I started "rucking" and also hiking in nature), for personal development. And it is so much easier to save money and invest. I now know that skipping all the drama from women, all the entitlement, financial and emotional drain.. etc. can really set you free. But you have to make the decision otherwise it keeps nagging you. I'm not a misogynist, I know there are great women out there. But it's just easier, more peaceful and more productive this way.

I've been single and celibate for too many years. By choice. I've realized that it's probably the worst decision I've ever made, also bcos I want children. So, now I'm on the market again. And it's not as easy as before. Or, well, plenty women are after me I guess, but... I'm looking for better ones.

@rantg

7 ай бұрын

Yea the guy in the video is just late to the party of "I don't need a relationships narrative", very soon he will realize what they all do, that human must have a relationships and there is no such thing as self love really

@milesolsen_

7 ай бұрын

Good luck man! Wishing you the very best in finding something amazing!

I've had the exact experience. It's been great. I've been single, non dating for several years and found my passion in writing. The last four years I've written 5 fiction books. Published 3 and now agented. I made dating goals... never happened. Yet. Maybe next year. Lol. Good job!

@milesolsen_

7 ай бұрын

Wow congratulations, that’s amazing! 🥳🙌🏻

Thank you Miles

@milesolsen_

2 ай бұрын

Sounds like a beautiful experience! And I hear you re: online dating 😂🙃. Wishing you the very best in your journey! 🙏🏻☺️✨

I related to this perspective, thanks for putting it out there.

@milesolsen_

7 ай бұрын

Thank you! 🙏🏻

Hello Miles! I’m so happy to start watching your videos. It helps me a lot. THANK YOU! To this video I want to add that after having read your book “How to open the Heart” and knowing about the way how you energetically used to approach to women and female energy, I think that this period is a very important moment in your life. I think I share many things with you, and this energetic approach towards women and sexuality is one of them, but the simple idea of spending years without connecting with a woman really freaks me out, even though I know it would be very beneficial. I don’t see myself ready for that, BUT now I try to chose much better than before my potential couples, trying to listen to my inner voice more and more, while before I didn’t do it. Have you ever heard about Clinton Callahan’s Possibility Management courses? I find them very useful and interesting for personal development and they have a concept called “Black Widow” energy (which I’m afraid we have shared) and the best way to heal it is exactly going through a radical celibate period as the one you’re doing. Thanks for the inspiration also in this! Big Hug from Spain!

@milesolsen_

6 ай бұрын

Thanks for the words of support Carlos! 🙌🏻 I’ve never heard of possibility management, will have to give it a look. And definitely, it has been a beautiful reset time for me - though it isn’t something I would necessarily reccomend ☺️🙏🏻✨

What a beautiful voice!!! 😍

@milesolsen_

7 ай бұрын

Thank you! 🙏🏻

Love is the worst. I just wish we don't do it. Not especially in your 30s when it's your greatest age to do sh*t and love is just a disturbance especially when someone you want doesn't want you back is the worst disturbance in life ever

TLDR: I am yet another one who broke up with someone and wrote a book, buy my book. I am now "connected with myself" and don't need anyone. Etc. prediction : at 45 I realized i do need someone but now it's too late, and the world becomes very lonely full of singles who thought they can be alone.

@angelirizarry2666

6 ай бұрын

Nice projection I'm sure constantly expecting the worst out of everything is going great for you

I absolutely loved the lock downs but I’m an introvert, good times those were paid extra by the government to stay home.

🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾

@milesolsen_

4 ай бұрын

🙏🏻☺️✨

A bit of mgtow very light version in the air. Kudos!