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you see? This is EXACTLY what people need and what NO ONE else teaches, step-by-step details and the words to use when handling difficult situations. Dan you are the best. In all the years I've studied this topic, no one comes close to this successful system you've come up with nor can they deliver the advice the way you do. Perfection. Thank you so very much. You'll never know how many people you have helped.

@TheWizardOfWords

Жыл бұрын

And you'll never know--how grateful I am for your words, Jay :)

@Verdeangela12

Жыл бұрын

Well said and so true. Dan's delivery and instruction is clear and concise.

This dude is INTENSE. this dude just yelled MAGIC! In the first 3 seconds

@bsmile44

8 жыл бұрын

+Tristan Tully (Troll status) He says it in 3 but actually yells it in the first 7 seconds. Lol. :P MAGIC!!!!

@DiskoDirumah

7 жыл бұрын

Robert Brown "MAGIC" as he were the only queer guy in the world ,i laughed so hard till i cant remember why i laughed

@HabitualLover

6 жыл бұрын

😂

I like the phrase, "That's interesting. Why would you say that to me?" It seems like it would be a good phrase to use to unnerve and disarm liars, sociopaths, and other people who try to manipulate.

@Cheryl_Haydon

9 жыл бұрын

Agreed. I needed this line to use on my manipulative ex husband years ago....

@austinmckenzie6252

9 жыл бұрын

John Ribner thats interesting, why would you say that?

@John-ih7gp

8 жыл бұрын

+racingirl1595 that's interesting tell me more

@bradmcewen

8 жыл бұрын

+John Ribner Just what I was thinking. I didnt realize I had to have so many counter manipulating skills till I associated with a textbook narcissistic girlfriend. Yea I know. "That's interesting ? Why would I do that !"

@omegapointil

7 жыл бұрын

"You talkin to me?"

Instead of "why would you say that", experiment using: "that's interesting... what makes you say that". "Why" is confrontational and will get a negative response. It will also make you look confrontational to others, should people be around (like at dinner party, board meeting). PLUS, when using "Why" it is unlikely to get a truthful response, as it will cause the person to be very guarded with their answer.

@aceatkins191

8 жыл бұрын

Excellent suggestions

@dallasguidroz9350

7 жыл бұрын

sidesplitters I like it I will try this Approach nothing else seems to work with A certain person in my life

@sidesplitters

7 жыл бұрын

Dallas Guidroz Another word avoid is "but" - from the perspective of who you say it to, it sounds like you are negating everything that they had said prior to you saying "but".

@dallasguidroz9350

7 жыл бұрын

That's very true I forgot About trying to not using the word But it is hard not to sometimes because I don't like it when people do it to me.

@DiskoDirumah

7 жыл бұрын

sidesplitters why would you say that? Tell me moree

It's not so much the words, but the energy and confidence with which you say them. You are validating the perp while asking a question...that is not the normal pattern, and when you disrupt the normal communication pattern, you throw people off their game. If that's your goal, it's easy with good power phrases.

Hi Dan, I can remember a phrase from my insurance sales days to respond to a tricky question. " Obviously you have a good reason for asking ( saying ) that, would you mind telling me what it is?" Worked a treat. Geoff, Australia.

@TheWizardOfWords

9 жыл бұрын

Excellent Geoff! Same principle, and stated very nicely. I like it! Dan

@daisyjohnson5368

Жыл бұрын

Thanks!!'

Hello Dan, I found this video about a year ago. I wrote down those 4 effective phrases and kept them in my wallet. They are still there and it's amazing how much I use them. Thank you so much for all you do!

@TheWizardOfWords

5 жыл бұрын

Chanda you are welcome a thousand times over!

@daynnite4462

Жыл бұрын

Can you tell me a story about you using those phases.

@jaywellington6504

Жыл бұрын

@@daynnite4462 Not without delving into the details of my personal life. ;) But I can assure you that I have incorporated Dan's lessons and phrases since 2015 and cannot say enough about how they've resulted in positive results. Try them yourself and you can answer your own question. Thanks for your interest, DAY n Nite.

Watch, practice, watch again...repeat. The message is timeless and expertly presented by a HUMAN BEING who should be considered a pioneer in developing and promoting effective communication techniques that can be used by everyone. We celebrate and honor classics in many genre like cinema, theater, music, etc. This is a communication classic. Bravo Dan, this presentation is enlightening.

Hi John: I'll look into Clean Language. Always glad to expand my thinking. One other consideration--these responses aren't designed to promote dialogue; they are designed to end it--with difficult people whose intent is not civil discourse. I applaud the mirroring and listening techniques you've mentioned, when the intent and context is meaningful conversation.

@tarawalsh-arpaia3928

2 жыл бұрын

Wow, that was perfectly stated. Why has it taken me so long to accidentally press the wrong button and land on your page??????????????

This is the sort of stuff they should be teaching kids in Health class. Because there's fewer things more damaging to self-esteem than not being able to handle yourself in tense situations or when someone is being aggressive with you verbally. Learning how to deal with conflict situations instead of turtling or getting more aggressive in response is a key life skill.

@TheWizardOfWords

Жыл бұрын

Agreed, BubbaGanoush2. I just received an email from a woman who teaches young people on the autism spectrum, and she reported that one of her students who was being bullied asked the bully "Why would you say that?" The bully was so taken aback he just turned and walked away. The teacher and the young person who had used the phrase were delighted. He handled it well--no escalation--just honest spotlighting. This training can be helpful, particularly to vulnerable people (that would be most of us :) )

This trainer is so energetic .. this what ppl needs in training room ...thumbs up for him .

@jahnimai

6 жыл бұрын

He seemed to me, to be beyond vivacious, to be polite. There are Doctorate & Pre-cognitive Re-education and other titles from decades of study, training and then, applications. While indeed his presentation is energetic and for many, very engaging, underneath there is frightened guy running on his sympathetic nervous system. I hope i am wrong, because the kidneys & adrenal glands may become traumatically exhausted. Best wishes to all. I do not want to be magniloquent; there is plenty self help needed that i will do well by working. Best wishes, Hare Krishna

@mrhartley85

4 жыл бұрын

Jackie Joseph that’s exactly what I was thinking.

@PeacefulMomentsTV

2 жыл бұрын

عندك الصح الطريقه ديالو ممتعة و عندو مايقول

@tarawalsh-arpaia3928

2 жыл бұрын

True. He really knows how our minds work and how we learn best. Don't take notes. Shout it into our brains until it is tattooed there just waiting to pop out at the right moment.

Your first point, is something I am LITERALLY asked to do by my admin at school. Not in an angry context but in the context of asking students to think about why they are giving me a certain answer. We need to find out what students are actually thinking, what's behind their answer. Super helpful.

And THIS is how you shut down adversity or patronizing comments, and invite the person to actually talk to you as an equal. We need more of this in our society today.

You respond by asking, "Are you always this curious?" And they will answer yes or no, to which you respond with the three-second look (make direct eye contact for three seconds) and maybe an, "Interesting," before moving along. Remember that questions such as the one you're describing are called "Challenge Questions" and the key is not to answer them, but to instead ask 2 questions for every challenge question someone asks you. This strategy helps you do just that. Hope this helps!

really love how you are teaching to not react from fear and defensiveness and to respond from 'the inner master', to move out of attack and into a detached yet caring responses.

@TheWizardOfWords

6 жыл бұрын

Thank you Sharon. I firmly believe that since there will always be negativity somewhere around us, and we can't totally wipe it out, we'd better learn to react constructively, as a testament to who we are. Having said that--I hope you're checking out my newer videos also-- and if you do, please let me know what you think now and again. Thanks again. Dan

Thats interesting : 1.Tell me more. 2.why would you say that ? 3. why do you do that ? 4. why do you ask that ?

Dan, thank you for going over these 4 magic phases. People underestimate how difficult it is to handle a situation where someone is trying to tear you down. Thank you for giving us these phrases, hopefully this helps transition us from a reactive communicator to a proactive communicator.

@TheWizardOfWords

9 жыл бұрын

Grant N You're welcome, Grant, for any help I can offer you!Dan

@trevormiles5852

6 жыл бұрын

Suck up

LOVE this! gives you time to gather your thoughts (versus having a knee-jerk reaction and saying something in anger that you might regret...) and also gives the other person time to reflect on what they just said/did. win-win! Thank you, Dan.

@TheWizardOfWords

10 жыл бұрын

Thank YOU newmamaful--for understanding when, how, and why these work-- Please like and share. Dan

These are good phrases to start off a argument with. Lol

@trevormiles5852

6 жыл бұрын

this is how ww2 started. what you took over Austria, that is interesting , let me see you do it again.

@kecia225

3 жыл бұрын

🤣

@cosmonation1840

2 жыл бұрын

So true, don't do what this guy said, unless you like sounding like a pompous asshole.

i like this, it's essentially taking back the control of the conversation and calling someone out on what they said in a nice way. Making them responsible for what they said , by having to explain. Using a question to shift the conversation. In sales you are taught this as a method to find out what the customer is looking for.

I've already started implementing these into my everyday speech patterns. I love 'em! Thank you!

@TheWizardOfWords

6 жыл бұрын

Great. Happy to help your communication patterns, Micki. Dan

It's interesting that he said karate. I was thinking, if anything, his 4 responses are the verbal equivalent to AIKIDO, the martial art that never fights, but mindfully deflects its opponent's attacks.

@gregbowman4043

10 жыл бұрын

Gameboob. So many do not have much of a "martial arts vocabulary" , I agree with you. These 4 responses are "soft-style Budo art". They draw out (pull) the opponant while refusing to respond in kind.or "lose your balance" Those that can ask questions wisely, control the interaction. . Once you have control...well.. that reveals your values, does it not?

@TheWizardOfWords

10 жыл бұрын

Absolutely guilty and hereafter will refer to AIKIDO (Gameboob) or Soft-Style Budo Art (Greg Bowman). I should have consulted my brother who started out with a black belt pom or poom or poon or something when he was 11 years old, and then tried out various martial arts, and right now is into kick-boxing, among other things. I stand totally corrected, guys. Dan

@gregbowman4043

10 жыл бұрын

Well done Dan. BTW, "Soft-Style Budo arts, refer to the "grappling" category or martial arts. Examples are: Judo, Ju Jitsu, Aikido, and wrestling. "Hard Styles" use more strikes. Examples include kick-boxing, Karate, Kung-Fu Western Boxing etc. Perhaps you should give one a try. Martial arts is simpley "advanced communication by other means".

@TheWizardOfWords

10 жыл бұрын

Greg Bowman :)

@mackhomie6

6 жыл бұрын

Oh dear. Option #3, "poon" is most definitely not the right one--but is pretty funny . Reminds me of the time my grandma kept bringing up blowjobs (hair dryer) to the super gay hair stylist whose "good friend" was there as well

Hi Dan, since the day, a few months back when my younger bro introduced me to your videos, they have helped me overcome my hiccups in communicating and become more confident. And helped me changed my attitude. And with new attitude, it led me to related videos including those on grooming and attire, which in turn helped me revamp my personality. Your videos also help cope on inner issues. Especially the ones on - How to deal with difficult people, how to consent without agreeing, how to kill the negative monsters within us, the danger phrases. All have gone a long way in changing me. Thanks.

@JudgeJulieLit

6 жыл бұрын

That's beautiful.

@tatianahawaii13

2 жыл бұрын

❤️

@peculiarbvlogs

2 жыл бұрын

I was gonna say this is absolutely beautiful! Now it’s my turn. Lol! I can’t wait to testify! The people I work around drain me but I won’t die here.

@tarawalsh-arpaia3928

2 жыл бұрын

How to consent without agreeing. I'm a lawyer and that one has me stumped. I must find it. This man is truly my saviour. Great teacher, too. Best of luck to you!

That’s interesting - tell me more. That’s interesting - Why would you say that to me? That’s interesting - Why would you do that? That’s interesting - Why would you ask that?

@MrsSasukeUchiha

6 жыл бұрын

Bruno Coriolano idk...because I can😂😂😂

@JudgeJulieLit

6 жыл бұрын

+Joseph Barclay Ross That's interesting -- you're not a police officer.

@cheapthrilll6323

6 жыл бұрын

JudgeJulieLit its more interesting when he's is dressed like one.

@maxvivendi8111

6 жыл бұрын

Bruno Coriolano ii

@kayebriones5283

6 жыл бұрын

Bruno Coriolano 👍🏻

Watching this in 2018, and I'm blown! That's exactly how I throw people away when I'm about to lose it. I wonder what's in their head.. like why would they say such things. I thought that I was alone in this, and people find me odd. Stumbled upon your video while looking for Google Sheets training, and it was so meant to be! All the love from the Philippines to you wherever you are!

@TheWizardOfWords

6 жыл бұрын

Hi Miss A: And all the love back to you from Mexico and North Dakota!

Thanks Marta! I hope you enjoy all the videos you'll find on my channel. Dan

@wmcpromo

9 жыл бұрын

That's interesting tell us more!

@emiver30

9 жыл бұрын

Online Communication Skills Training Videos with Dan O'Connor Inspiration!!! Please keep up with the good works.

@samnedumedja5323

9 жыл бұрын

Online Communication Skills Training Videos with Dan O'Connor "That's interesting tell me more" is not by any mean a kind phrase; if anything, it adds more fuel to the fire.

@wmcpromo

9 жыл бұрын

Sam N Edu Medja Interesting tell me more!

@samnedumedja5323

9 жыл бұрын

Robin van Bruggen You already know! So why don't you tell me more?

'come on son, clean your room!' 'that's interesting.... why would you say that?' xD

@TheWizardOfWords

10 жыл бұрын

MrOzzy1631-- So your mother is a difficult person and you're trying to de-fuse her comments? Is that why you'd use these communication tactics your mother? You might be missing the point, MrOzzy1631--just a little.

@MrOzzy1631

10 жыл бұрын

lol you said you could answer every question xD

@TheWizardOfWords

9 жыл бұрын

Yes, MrOzzy1631, you can answer every question with these, but whether you should is a matter of intelligence and perception. You decide. . . .

@MrOzzy1631

9 жыл бұрын

yes sir :))

@stevendorsey4850

6 жыл бұрын

I feel like I know how this would play out. "Come on son, clean your room!" "That's interesting...why would you say that?" "Because its dirty! You've got clothes all over the floor, you haven't vacuumed this carpet in weeks, and...is this...pizza?....stuck to the bottom of your computer desk?!....CLEAN. NOW." *door closes resolutely*

I love this! I’m 51 years old. One of my best tools in communication in dealing with jack ass bosses has been silence! Ive seen people unravel when I don’t respond at all. They feel the need to keep talking while I look them in the eye, while they lie. They will keep digging deeper and deeper

@TheWizardOfWords

2 жыл бұрын

Happy to help, Katie.

That's interesting...tell me more about this technique!

@kristybugeja7627

6 жыл бұрын

HypnoDaddy

@latishadaniels4304

6 жыл бұрын

HypnoDaddy Lol!

@MrsCookiieBoots

6 жыл бұрын

That's so interesting... why would you tell me about that?

@imnotichibonatsu.7896

6 жыл бұрын

I am very interested to hear more about that!

@yokedupbra

6 жыл бұрын

HypnoDaddy haha you beat me to it.

Pros: very good and useful tips Cons: this guy can cause somebody's headache very quickly. Tips: slowing down a bit and putting your voice little bit more down would make this performance much more approachable for me. It feels to me a bit aggressive.

@TheWizardOfWords

8 жыл бұрын

+Michala Blaha Michala--this video was made about 15 years ago; you might want to try one of the more recent ones :)

@michalablahova8721

8 жыл бұрын

Thank you for letting me know. I like the new videos much more. Well done!

@TheWizardOfWords

8 жыл бұрын

Michala Blaha :)

@missmariahlove3512

8 жыл бұрын

he's probably speaking loud to project his voice far enough, that everyone in the classroom could hear him and get their attention. This technique is also very helpful in teaching inattentive and sleepy student. :)

@missmariahlove3512

8 жыл бұрын

you can really see the difference between the skin of an asian girl to a caucasian girl with the visibility of fine lines and wrinkles and the plumpiness of their skin. nevertheless, they all look so fabulous with or without makeup. good job guys.

So glad KZread pitched me this video again. I remember it from long ago. It’s pure gold.

@TheWizardOfWords

Жыл бұрын

I was 22 when I made this video. I PUBLISHED it in 2009, but made it long before. Maybe it's time for me to re-do it? :) :)

@rosedevereux2391

Жыл бұрын

@@TheWizardOfWords Hi Dan, do you remember where this was? (State and/or company)

I told my maid she needed to clean my bathroom one day. She said that's interesting tell me more. I told her I also needed the crystal chandeliers cleaned, the windows washed, the kitchen floor scrubbed and the bed linens washed and replaced. She never asked me that question ever again.

@TheWizardOfWords

10 жыл бұрын

She must think you are a difficult person, if she continued to use that phrase; Is she correct about that? :)

@blancaw6280

10 жыл бұрын

I just have high standards and a low threshold for BS. LOL! Enjoyed the Video. Thanks for posting.

@z00h

10 жыл бұрын

Online Communication Skills Training Videos with Dan O'Connor That's interesting tell me more!

@blancaw6280

10 жыл бұрын

z00h That is all. :)

@blancaw6280

9 жыл бұрын

Nathan Knighton Not just yet. I think we will keep her around a little longer. Shamika has only been with us for 18 years. She is starting to grow on us. :)

Basically you're answering a question with a question, rather than answering the original question. Usually, if someone is rude or doesn't treat you with basic people skills standards, it has nothing to do with you. Chances are they aren't aware. If you respond equally rudely, then the cycle repeats.

@TheWizardOfWords

6 жыл бұрын

AA, these answers are for difficult people who are asking inappropriate questions--in an attempt to demean or otherwise bother you. My suggestion is that you don't answer the question because your answer and embarrassment are the rewards of the difficult person. I am not suggesting you be rude; there are many rude answers you could give, but that would be self-defeating and add more ugliness to a world in need of peace and grace. Please check out 5-6 of my 160 posted videos of the last several years--(this one was filmed 20 years ago, btw) particularly the ones on forgiveness and handling difficult people, and you'll see that we are basically on the same page (hopefully a little evolution on my thinking/presentation in 20 years!) in re: What gets rewarded gets repeated; what you say is about you and what others say is about them; if your communication is not mindful and compassionate, you shouldn't be speaking. I very much appreciate your taking time to comment and share your thoughtful views that obviously come from a place of peace and light. Dan

he forgot to mention the ultimate comeback phrase to all insults.....drum roll, please,.....I KNOW YOU ARE, BUT WHAT AM I?

@TheWizardOfWords

10 жыл бұрын

nemisis crom, Paul Reubens would be pleased you remembered. .

@secondry2

9 жыл бұрын

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@MrsSasukeUchiha

6 жыл бұрын

nemisis crom oh yeah!!!...that phrase is classic😂😂😂

@trevormiles5852

6 жыл бұрын

How about the ever favorite . Bite me.. lol

@randomyoutubeperson6954

6 жыл бұрын

Hahaha 😂👍🏼

I remember watching this years ago, and trying it out on a guy who had a reputation for being an insane, temperamental genius. He started throwing a little angry shade at me in front of a group, and I responded with, "That's interesting _____. Tell me more." It simultaneously puts the person a little in the hot seat and at the same time shows them that you are really interested in their input. Forevermore after he was on my side. Thanks Dan!

@TheWizardOfWords

Жыл бұрын

You bet, Anatoli. The delivery in this video embarrasses me just a little, but the content is golden :)

This gentleman is a PRO, not only from what he teaches but from the way he gained the appreciation of his class students by saying what he said at the end, I am sure that we will learn a lot from him :)

@TheWizardOfWords

8 жыл бұрын

+Dieygo A. Thanks Dieygo A. Be sure and subscribe and welcome aboard my KZread training channel! Dan

Thank you Dan for helping to reintroduce the concept of respect. There are people who have not been taught or have had limited experience with respect. You have a gift of communicating ideas logically and succinctly while keeping them easy to understand. What we do does come back on us. You are sowing wonderful seeds of kindness. May you be richly blessed Dan! Keep up the good work. :)

@TheWizardOfWords

6 жыл бұрын

Well thank you Happy, and I would hope you'll check out my other videos--the ones that aren't 20 years old, and let me know what you think. You're right about the kindness part; if kindness and mindfulness are not informing our communication, we'd be better off remaining silent.

I love these, and will start applying them. Though a difficult situation I'm dealing with in life atm is a coworker telling me repeadly "YOU ARENT DOING THIS RIGHT! OR THIS! OR THIS!" and laughing at me in groups about it, yelling, nitpicking, and just causing all kinds of frustration for me. And I had never really experienced that type of people in a work place before until the other day, and so not really knowing what to do I just kind of became rather quiet and one worded for the day.

Hi Dan O'connor, I am an engineering student (the only girl) and I'm having a problem with one rude boy who tries to judge me so I will tell him this phrases tmw. Thank you :)

Love the short, meaningful, and practical delivery of this and other videos of yours that I've viewed. They work!!!

That's how you escalate a situation with a crazy person. Lol

@TheWizardOfWords

6 жыл бұрын

WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT!?!??! Hahaha thanks for your comment, China Lee! I appreciate you taking the time.

This is very interesting. I think the magic behind these responses is that people love to talk about themselves and give their opinions. By asking "That's Interesting...Tell me more.....,etc" you end up disarming them and letting them get EVERYTHING out and be fully heard. Many times, you dont even have to give an answer but just let them keep talking. This is very clever. Will def check out your stuff.

@WomenWinningTogetherNetwork

9 жыл бұрын

I agree with Scott williams. And sometimes I will say Very interesting and leave it like that. When I say that the other person is then looking for me to speak, but if I say thats interesting why do u say that or tell me more then they want to talk more

For the first 42 years of my life, I had zero skills to protect and deflect against toxic people, which made me an easy target. I've been building up my arsenal and I'll definitely add this to it. :)

I saw this YEARS ago and it popped up in my side bar again..But I forgot the title and couldn't find it. I was SO happy to find it! I can share this with my teens now!!! thanks

rokysikander, Thank you and I will try to keep doing what I do best. . . . Dan

@itsonlymarcibratz1991

6 жыл бұрын

Effective Communication Skills With Dan O'Connor U're Funny & adorable!👍✌😊

@widadpetrs4635

6 жыл бұрын

Effective Communication Skills With Dan O'Connor

Interesting vid. Learned something USEFUL. And props for responding to the posts. Involved = good

This is the first video I've watched from The wizard of words 14 yrs ago that I have never forgot! And It's effect and message was so stunning and memorable that I am a proud subscriber of this channel in 2023!

@TheWizardOfWords

8 ай бұрын

Many thanks, Robert.

I really enjoyed your randomly loud intervals. Even thought the crowd didn't seem to react I would have been laughing. "... MAGIC!" It flows so well with your voice, and it's created a style or vibe that's very fun to listen to and keeps your attention.

I prefer my three:- so what? too bad ok

@TheWizardOfWords

7 жыл бұрын

Haha! Thanks Laura! I appreciate the comment!

@outofthegoldfishbowletcete762

7 жыл бұрын

+Online Communication Skills Training Videos with Dan O'Connor lol I like your too. anything to disengage from gratuitous stupidity

@outofthegoldfishbowletcete762

7 жыл бұрын

Pádraig Mac Suibhne seriously? I have to explain why teaching people how to become manipulative is creepy?

@biljanas7931

6 жыл бұрын

You're missing answer to "why are you still single?"...

@mercyrn35

6 жыл бұрын

outofthegoldfishbowl etcetera LMAO 😂 I love all three of those replies!

Hah! I am addicted to these videos! What a sense of humor! Love this video Dan! I really want to see more live training sessions in front of a crowd. Dan is such a crowd pleaser! funny funny guy!

@TheWizardOfWords

6 жыл бұрын

Tara, I hope you've had a chance to check out my website. Lots of free resources--and many premium ones as well. www.danoconnortraining.com

Needed this! I'm soo tired of verbal combat mentally & emotionally draining I will work on utilizing this and leave it there Thank you for this!

I have watch this video over and over and share it with anybody I can.... I have used it several times and it works great! I am always amazed at what people will come up and say to me..

@TheWizardOfWords

10 жыл бұрын

Thanks, M.Adams. Happy to help! Dan

Answering a question with a question... that's interesting, why would you suggest that?

@Akshayakambhatla

9 жыл бұрын

lol

@user-ep2dn5tm6g

9 жыл бұрын

like jewish

@faustinkagesera1721

9 жыл бұрын

B NJ and

@paigeleigh2554

5 жыл бұрын

😁😁😁😁

THIS IS SO AWESOME!!! So tomorrow when I have a meeting with my energy vampire, attention starved "office manager" I'm totally using this and putting my disgust/anger in a little bubble! Lovely useful stuff here! Thanks so much!!!

@ChessHoodie

Жыл бұрын

Could you share how it worked? What are your thoughts on this video, after ten years had passed? Thank you.

Like this. Here's what I've done tha also works well. I say "is there something I've done that is bothering you so you would ask me that?" They back out of it and bend over backwards to apologize. Thanks for the 4 magic phrases! We need help with rude people!

Hearing you speak, make me feel I got a fighting chance to feel like a real alive and breathing person and not just resource, just drill at me until iam dry and worn out!

Great advice, this will now become apart of my communications with emotional vampires that work for me. Your energy is infectious, I feel your great positivity through the video!~!!

Another conversational "trick" that works well is to simply repeat back to the other person their exact words, with a softener phrase that turns it into a question requiring further explanation. Like so: A: "The rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain." B: "The rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain? Explain!"

@TheWizardOfWords

9 жыл бұрын

Yes!

Easily the best five-minute video I’ve watched on KZread this year.

"One more time!" LOLOLOLOL! You just whoop their asses with your energy. I love it! That had to be a dead room. I teach on college campuses and refuse to allow a dead room to slow me down! I love it, Dan!

@TheWizardOfWords

10 жыл бұрын

Thanks, William. Yes, if you're sleeping through one of my presentations, you're either deaf or dead. . . . Apparently that's the way you feel about your classes too-- My guess is your students like your classes!

@meroe365

10 жыл бұрын

That they do. I tell them I see class as a party of sorts and I'm there to party with them, not for them.

@TheWizardOfWords

10 жыл бұрын

William, could you be my communication doppelganger? I know exactly what you mean.

@meroe365

10 жыл бұрын

I might be, my friend. Loving your content. Learning a lot.It's helping me in my new endeavors as a filmmaker. The diva factor I have to contend with brought me to your videos.

@TheWizardOfWords

10 жыл бұрын

Happy to be of help in any measure, William. Dan

Ha! I use these on my husband. They definitely work.

Thank you so much for these tips! As an introvert speaking English as my second language and with an accent, I need all the communication help I can get. So glad I found your videos! :-)

@Skeebled

9 жыл бұрын

thats interesting, tell me more. :)

@Skeebled

9 жыл бұрын

will do, thanks fuck head ;P

@Toarcade

8 жыл бұрын

+N Knighton Lol don't listen to him, fuck head.

Well, that is what I was looking for! Thanks a lot for this video, I watched also some more of yours and I am amazed. I'd love to listen to you live one day. Hope you keep doing your trainings. ;)

before even watching this video I actually asked someone why they would say something so rude (they were bashing me over something I genuinely think they were jealous about) and all they said were even more hurtful things but at that point I realized it wasnt worth fighting over.

My magic phrase that I made back when I used to work in a call center dealing with people who were unreasonably angry from the moment I said hello. The phrase, That's mildly unfortunate. With that, I take the piss out of their statement while sort of validating what they said and that I understood it. By using the word mildly, I also let them know that it's not the end of the world. If it's not a giant fatal catastrophe, then it's manageable and we are able to fix it. In other words, it let's them know that I will not cower under the weight of their ego and I can remain calm without being intimidated. If they were the kind of caller that would shout over me for extended periods, I would move the earpieces mostly off my ear, then bend the microphone up above my eyes. That way, if I did get a chance to speak, it would be hard for them to hear me. When they wanted to hear my response, I made them work for it a bit. I got that one from stand up comedian Steven Wright on how he deals with drunken hecklers. I can imagine this seems a bit silly to some, but when you work in customer service, or over the phone collections or tech support, these things can really make an efficiency of your efforts. Good luck out there peeps.

@TheWizardOfWords

6 жыл бұрын

Hey Peshewa, if that works for you--and apparently it does--kudos for finding a way to deal with really difficult callers! Customer service can be trying--to say the least. Difficult CUSTOMERS are a different type of problem from difficult people who are simply intruding on your life or trying to put you down. You've made a distinction and it's a legitimate one. Your goal is not to dismiss customers (as it might be with the intrusive water-cooler pest); it's to serve them--however ugly they may sometimes be--without being intimidated or losing your dignity. It appears you've found a way to do that. Kudos! Dan

@mindthependulum6245

6 жыл бұрын

Effective Communication Skills With Dan O'Connor Thanks Dan. There are tons of ways of dealing with difficult callers and yes, it's very different over the phone. Imagine working for a cellphone company in a call center. I went to that companies nearest store and hung out to watch what happens. People of all types and ages would be entranced by the shiny new beepy blinking thingy that they just got. As the store reps would advise them about proration and how the first bill would look, they just smiled and nodded as if they were still entranced by the new shiny thing, and the salesman might as well have been Charlie Brown's teacher. I even struck up a conversation with one of them in the parking lot, asked them if they had any idea what the salesman meant by prorated charges, the reply I got was, they were just wasting my time, I just wanted to get the new phone activated and leave. Most of the customer service calls I had were from new customers who just got the first bill, with prorated charges. They would scream about, how dare we charge more than we said we would! I worked there several years, and did not find a single first bill that was wrong. I had to listen to endless tirades and accusations of how my company was at fault for everything that ever went wrong in the history of man. By the end of the call, they were usually apologizing to me for being so bombastic. I had an older lady calling about her first bill. With each word she shouted, she shook the stack of bill papers clenched in her hand. She told me I better lower her bill right now! I asked if she was standing. She said yes. I asked her to lay the bill down on the table. She did, then I advised I just lowered her bill by a full foot. That joke could have gone horribly wrong, but she took a deep breath and then calmly asked me to explain what was happening. I admit, if that went wrong, I could have been fired. I like this video you made btw, zero complaints. I just wanted to share some oddly related tales from my past.

@TheWizardOfWords

6 жыл бұрын

Thanks for writing Peshewa. (You write very well, btw--interesting and informative and funny.) I read every word and thoroughly understand. In my youth (shortly before this video was taken--this video that is twenty years old now) I was in customer service with Wells Fargo. Customers weren't quite as ill-informed as yours, but some were troublesome, nonetheless. Your lowering the bill a foot story was great and I'm glad it was well-received. :) Sometimes you just HAVE to do something to remind yourself you're still human, you're still funny, and you're still in charge of your own life. I get it. :) Please continue to watch, comment, and share. And whatever else you do--go to some of my recent videos--ones that aren't 20 years old. :) Dan

Great advice. I'll be sharing this with my husband and our 9-year-old son who both had to deal with difficult people yesterday.

You sent me an email saying that I hadn't seen this video. I've seen it gazillions of times, bur I always like it. I answer that way to difficult people. Thanks

Scotty: Captain! There was a quantum filament inside the pattern buffers! I'm sorry to report that McCoy, Spock and a Security Red Shirt did not remateralize on the transporter pad! Their patterns are lost forever! Kirk: That's Interesting! Tell Me More! :)

@TheWizardOfWords

10 жыл бұрын

Ahaaa-- Very insightful, BrotherLeon2010, provided that Captain Kirk thinks Scotty is a difficult person who should be directed elsewhere or shut down--:)

"Dave your mums dead" "That's interesting tell me more"

@TheWizardOfWords

9 жыл бұрын

littlescarlett101 So Dave is a difficult person and you want to end the conversation--right? Seems odd, but I'll take your word for it.

@missa2647

6 жыл бұрын

^ That's actually how I responded when they told me the news about my mom.

@EvilTwin123

6 жыл бұрын

littlescarlett101 Whoa dude. Break it to me gently(next time

Thank you so much for sharing this. I truly appreciate this teaching.

This makes sense. My friend told me when someone gives unwanted advice say, "That's interesting. I'll have to think about it." It works and gets you off the hook.

Perhaps you should switch to decaf coffee.

@rbennett7218

7 жыл бұрын

I'm sorry people...but this is funny.

@mspixiedust100

6 жыл бұрын

LOLL I AM CRACKING UP

@fondoftheduh

6 жыл бұрын

Christopher Campo That's interesting. Why would you say that?

@JuanCarlos-ez5yn

5 жыл бұрын

Christopher Campo I was looking for the joke comment. Thanks.

@kriskemp

4 жыл бұрын

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂☕☕☕☕☕☕☕☕☕☕☕😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂☕☕☕☕☕☕☕☕☕☕

That's interesting. Wh- WAIT WHAT THE F*** DID YOU SAY?

Absolutely spot-on, Joan Bondar--spot-on. Dan

I absolutely love this! I just hope I remember to say it! I think I will practice it! I do have two difficult people that I see on a fairly regular basis - can't wait to try it out and watch thei expression!!!!

Here, a professional is sharing valuable info that is actually useful to many who are challenged when communicating and it is fascinating that some would choose to post their idea of joke. Like this video presentation was on Facebook where it is more common to get people's "interesting" commentaries. Humor in life is awesome being serious all the time is not the best choice. Humor has its place in life and in a number of situations. Sometimes humor is not useful and when humor is used at the wrong moment its effect is to marginalize others or put down others. When someone you don't know starts to joke with you and they don't KNOW you, then it can be very difficult to know if a stranger is joking or being serious. So people with good sense will not assume that the "joker" is not joking but rather address the issue raised. To address a topic and attempt to clarify it with intelligence and more information when another seems to have attacked you by disguising their comment in the form of a joke is what classy people attempt to do. Dan earned my respect in how he choose to handle that type of situation. My hat off to you Dan.

@paulaacosta9954

8 жыл бұрын

+Angel Jiminian that's interesting,why would you say that?

@TheWizardOfWords

8 жыл бұрын

+Angel Jiminian Just saw this-- and wanted to thank you Angel. Bear in mind my philosophy that what people say is about THEM, but how I respond is about ME. It's fairly easy to keep a level head during discussions when you truly believe that. Again, I thank you for your perspective and will do my best to act with class (just in case my grandmother is watching!) Dan

@TheWizardOfWords

6 жыл бұрын

Paula, interesting that you would play into Angel's hand and not even know it. If you truly want to learn communication techniques that are helpful, go to www.danoconnortraining.com and check out the free resources. FREE. Dan

Or you simply laugh out loud, and leave because you know its a waste of time, and a battle of who has bigger ego. And hug a person before you leave.

Haha that guy is so full of energy, such fun to watch :)

I have watched this video several times....always find it to be very useful for those trying communications situations.

You missed phrase #5 : "That would be an ecumenical matter..."

@walkonthedarxide9399

8 жыл бұрын

+MAX LAWLESS That's a Fr. Ted talk. lol

@TheWizardOfWords

8 жыл бұрын

+MAX LAWLESS How Francis of you!

@TheWizardOfWords

8 жыл бұрын

+Walk On The Darxide Now that was one of the best play on words I've seen in a long long time!

*gets caught cheating on wife* WIFE: "OH MY GOD MARK WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THIS OTHER WOMAN??" ME, NAKED IN BED WITH WOMAN: "That's interesting, why would you ask me that?"

@TheWizardOfWords

9 жыл бұрын

mickeynotmouse Really? That's how you'd apply this video?

@mickeynotmouse

9 жыл бұрын

it didn't work

@TheWizardOfWords

9 жыл бұрын

mickeynotmouse If you polish your shoes with peanut butter, that won't work either. Proper application with the proper tools is critical to success throughout all areas of life. You CAN put peanut butter on your shoes, but the question is SHOULD YOU put peanut butter on your shoes? Proper application is preceded by correct understanding, MNM. You have to understand this concept of 4 Magic Phrases, and then you'll know how to apply them. Don't put peanut butter on your shoes. . . .

@MrXxD4MI4NxX

9 жыл бұрын

Hahahahaha that's fricking funny!

@tudvalstone

9 жыл бұрын

mickeynotmouse That's interesting, tell me more!

Love it! Never gets old! Thanks Dan!

I absolutely cannot wait to try this, that is if in fact I don't forget to utilize it all together! Great energy in this video by Dan! If I were in a seminar or ever in one I hope to hell the speaker has the same fun personality while getting the job done!

MAAAGIC !!!!!

Mom: have you eat your breakfast? Me: that's interesting tell me more.! Mom:wtf. Are you in drugs? Me: interesting why you asking me that?

Keep YOUR head high. You have an amazing gift of gab and your using it to help those who have been abused or have a hard time sticking up for themselves. And for this I thank you deeply

@TheWizardOfWords

6 жыл бұрын

You're very welcome Autumn; I enjoy what I do and thank you for your comment. Go to a few more videos--and you might see a slight age change--of about 20 years. Please continue to comment, like, and share. Dan

This video was in my recommendations. Even though I’ve been subbed to you for years I have never seen this one. Dan, this was awesome, and will certainly come in handy for that pesky toxic cousin of mine as well as creating dialogue for a story I am writing where one of the main characters get out of line saying really dumb things to the other character. Writing and being creative helps me relieve stress as I am a full time caregiver for my mom. You’ve helped me a lot with your videos, and I wish I could give a more generous super thanks. For now I will like, comment, share and give the occasional super thanks to my favorite word wizard. You truly rock!

@TheWizardOfWords

Жыл бұрын

Thanks for the Super Thanks, Amy. This video was shot in 2009 and posted years thereafter. It's the first one I ever did. I was about 24 years old or so. I'm surprised you'd know that fresh-faced kid was me :) :). I turn 50 in a few days. HORRORS.

@AmyDCools

Жыл бұрын

@@TheWizardOfWords Happy Birthday! Hey now, don’t call turning 50 a horror because I’m not too far behind you, lol! 😹

This video is over the top for me. Too much passive aggressiveness.

What would you say to someone that says "you seem to have a pre-programmed response to every thing i say ?"

@TheWizardOfWords

10 жыл бұрын

If it were a difficult person, and that is the assumption with these phrases, of course I'd say "That's interesting; tell me more" and eventually they'll catch on to the fact that you are in charge of YOU, and they are not--and they'll go away. And isn't that what you want of difficult people--that either they stop their behavior, or they simply go away?

@xvoui

10 жыл бұрын

Yes it seems difficult people have to have the last word.

@TheWizardOfWords

10 жыл бұрын

Allow them to have the last word, and just pray that it is actually the last word :) Dan

@xvoui

10 жыл бұрын

Amen to that.

@AlmantasVainauskasPolitics2014

10 жыл бұрын

Interesting,why would you say that? lol

That "magic" at the beginning cracks me up. You are such a good public speaker! Thank for Shari yourself and your insights. This video has helped me out a lot, and made me laugh.

I think practicing these tools is the key (in the mirror, to the dog, etc.). Then, no matter what unbelievable thing someone says to you, you have a response without having to think about it. What I say (in place of "tell me more") is "tell me about it." Same great theme, just works better for me. Great content, Dan. Thanks for posting it!

I found it more valuable than my degree

@TheWizardOfWords

2 жыл бұрын

Now that comment REALLY makes me happy V-Raj. I believe what my grandfather taught me: Education is the sum total of man's knowledge and experience. In other words, it goes way beyond a degree in anything.

@TheBigBang420

2 жыл бұрын

@@TheWizardOfWords Absolutely right Knowledge comes from past experiences

Best part was "Give them a karate communication kick.. Hee-Ya!!"

TheGoalSetter-- Spot on. Dan

I have seen this video before and I loved it but had lost it. After watching you and you have a unique voice and style so I can't believe it was you so long ago.

In counselling we are taught that "why" is often perceived as judgmental, It is interesting that of the 4 questions you use, 3 of them are why questions. How do people react normally?

@TheWizardOfWords

9 жыл бұрын

Jasmine, let's move away from this video for a moment, because it's designed to provide a method of dealing with difficult people -- Let's talk for a moment about the word "why." In interaction with people, the "why" of things is crucial to understanding. (e.g. "Why are you not speaking to me son?" Son might be hurting, and it has nothing to do with you; son might be upset about something you did; son might be sick. If you understand the "why" you can determine how to be and what to do.) In understanding the meaning of life, the "why" of things is the most elemental of questions (e.g. "Why am I here?" In filling out our personal compass, we have to reflect on who we are, why we are here, where are we going and how are we going to get there. "Why" you are here seriously impacts what you do with your life.) In understanding business, the "why" of things impacts decision-making. (e.g. Why do people buy certain items, react to certain stimuli, want certain things. The answer will determine the business course of action.) Having said all that - your tone when asking "why" can turn it into a judgmental word in a heartbeat, and perhaps that's what your counseling instructor was conveying. Think about life if you did't know the why of things. And remember that one sign of the death of a relationship is one person ceasing to care about the "who" and the "why: of the other person. In other words, the opposite of love isn't hate; it's apathy. When one person TRULY begins to think/say/feel "I don't care," the relationship is over. "I don't care who you are, where you go, or why you did what you did." Jasmine, I believe it is vital to use the word "why" if the true goal is understanding. That's the key. What is your goal when you question "why"? If it is understanding, then you're golden.

@tsjasmine28

9 жыл бұрын

Online Communication Skills Training Videos with Dan O'Connor I see, so with irate customers or whatever asking "why" is a way to sort of diffuse the situation? another reason we are told not to ask why is because often they will not know the answer, that may be a good thing if they are reflective because they might go away and think about the why. However if they are not all that self-aware might they become defensive? TBH when i was told about not asking "why" i had a huge problem with it because it had been so helpful on my personal journey. So i guess i am asking, how often if ever do you get a negative reaction when asking "why"?

@TheWizardOfWords

9 жыл бұрын

When your tone is open, and it is obvious that you are seeking understanding (rather than an opportunity to reprove someone) you'll generally get a positive response, Jasmine.

@TheWizardOfWords

9 жыл бұрын

One other thing, Jasmine-- As you go forward in your studies, you might remember that no one has all the answers. Certainly I don't. So if an instructor tells you something that absolutely goes against your personal experience, question it. Teachers are sometimes people who read books and spout theory. Listen to your own experience and to your own heart when evaluating ideas (mine included, of course).

@tsjasmine28

9 жыл бұрын

Online Communication Skills Training Videos with Dan O'Connor Ok thanks for the advice, perhaps i'll try using "why" in a role play sessions and see if my tutor tells me off lol

so basically you have to be like a robot or a sociopath to have success in this society

@TheWizardOfWords

8 жыл бұрын

+PATO Paula Acosta Ya think??

@schrodingerbracat2927

8 жыл бұрын

+PATO Paula Acosta Interesting! Tell me more!

@justangel173

8 жыл бұрын

+PATO Paula Acosta That's interesting, why would you say that?

@Kensuke0987

8 жыл бұрын

+PATO Paula Acosta I'd agree with you, but then again, it's not impossible to be genuinely inquisitive when someone offends you so you could understand, avoid conflicts, and fix issues.

@noticetheknow-it-all4341

7 жыл бұрын

How do you mean?

Bravo! So simple!!! That we did not think of it!! Bravo!

Very helpful for my current work situation. This will help to bypass my usual emotional response.