Truth time - which one of these have you been taking responsibility for?

@zzdipsetanazz

4 жыл бұрын

LOL I appreciate the mention regarding the dislikes but I stand by my statement....You're right people are allowed to not like your message...but you are being sincere and trying to help people so why the thumbs down?...bet if it were like facebook and the viewers could see who thumbed it down there wouldnt be as many...I appreciate the work you do and if miserable people dont notice it thats their problem!

@stephie640

4 жыл бұрын

We can only pick one!? 🤔😂

@juliakristinamah

4 жыл бұрын

@@zzdipsetanazz you are so kind - I appreciate you and ALL of your amazing support.

@juliakristinamah

4 жыл бұрын

@@stephie640 or 2 😉

@zzdipsetanazz

4 жыл бұрын

@@juliakristinamah Your words are much more helpful than most of us can express in words! Much love from NH!!!!

2:35 1. Other peoples thoughts 3:10 2. Other peoples feelings 4:52 3. Guessing others needs 5:40 4. Meeting all of others needs 12:40 Making other people happy 14:27 Fixing other peoples problems 19:00 reading other people's minds 20:12 setting other peoples boundaries

@naeemshaikh9535

4 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much!

@balikbayanpinay5883

3 жыл бұрын

Thank you! Able to skip the 2mins 34sec of blah blah blah

@Michael-sy6wr

3 жыл бұрын

Thanks!!!

@aenigmatica8

3 жыл бұрын

Just what I was looking for, thank you !!

@MissRsan

3 жыл бұрын

Thankx..

I should probably watch this one once a week

@reenasingh-id9zh

4 жыл бұрын

Me everyday

@akehapkap6143

3 жыл бұрын

I'll recommend that, seen it several times now ☺️

@calibrial

3 жыл бұрын

Same

@williammaldonado3516

3 жыл бұрын

Yeah Right! 👍

@williamroberts8470

3 жыл бұрын

Yeah its easy to forget about these basic things.

Some people take advantage and make us responsible for their problems. They hurt you and act like you hurt them.

@juliakristinamah

4 жыл бұрын

Do you think someone can make you responsible for them?

@yh3428

4 жыл бұрын

@@juliakristinamah Yes, it maybe, if they are our parents. As children we are responsible to take care when they are old and enjoying their remaining years. It's hard to put up with some of the emotional outbursts and tantrums.

@Alphacentauri819

4 жыл бұрын

Yeong Hui LOH you are not truly responsible for them though. In addition, most people are acting out of their own subconscious...fears/regrets. Of anything I’ve learned, it helps to have healthy detachment. Most others behaviors aren’t about us, it’s about that person. We can’t be happy if we take things personally (taking things personally is a pretty egocentric stance anyways) We can’t be healthy and apply meaning to what others are doing. It’s the meaning we apply to our thoughts or others actions...that creates SO much suffering. As a medical professional, I dealt with people who had cognitive issues, dementias, strokes etc.. some healthcare providers would get more annoyed than others. I was patient and kind because of my beliefs of the situation. I knew the patients weren’t doing it to be annoying etc, they had their own things going on. IT WASN’T ABOUT ME. I’d also like to challenge your belief system about HAVING to take care of your elders... that’s a pressure that’s external, forced on you. It’s cultural, familial, etc and comes with a risk of being ostracized. That’s like many religions and cliques etc. Just because it is...doesn’t mean it’s right. It is hard to take back one’s own power, but doable. Have you brainstormed solutions too.. how can you work on yourself to maximize your self worth (without external validation) to be impervious to others opinions or behaviors. It’s one of the strongest places to be. Can you share the “responsibility”.. Is there respite care? Resentment builds the more you abandon yourself to be what others want you to be... I wish you direction, healing and blessings 🌸

@elishacanny8793

4 жыл бұрын

childhood conditioning from a toxic parent is a great example of this.

@karynb7781

3 жыл бұрын

@@juliakristinamah At my father's deathbed when I was 12 y/o, and my sisters 9y/o and 6y/o the family passing by during wake repeated over and over 'now you girls have to look after your mother'. I remember exactly the moment it was instilled! We continued 'looking after our mother' which we interpreted as being responsible for her feelings and problems into my young adulthood. My sisters continue this behavior even today 40yrs later. I wouldn't say they are closer, they are more exhausted. I think young girls are conditioned like this sometimes and they don't even realize it? It just 'seemed like the right thing' once upon a time to 'care' so much. Now, I'm the 'uncaring' one when I consider my own feelings and needs too. 'Hurting you and acting like you hurt them' like she's saying is such a phenomena. It's a real mind bender.

This lady is an absolute angel

@juliakristinamah

4 жыл бұрын

As are you!

@t.t.5195

4 жыл бұрын

yes she is

@danielgaetje2054

3 жыл бұрын

and she is so hot 😜

When you grow up in a super unhealthy environment where your parents make you feel like everything is your fault/resposibility, the worst part is being in a HEALTHY partnership later in life and assuming they are also an abuser but they're not! Trust issues. Your advice is so healing.

One of the most underrated posts on KZread. They should teach this at school. They never will.

@matth7448

12 күн бұрын

More important than a lot of stuff

Lol this made me sad because walking on eggshells was all i did when i was growing up at home with my family. Literally ALL i did. And now how i see how unhealthy it all was

@irenemays6053

4 жыл бұрын

I hear that. Eggshells, that nervous pit in the stomach, always feeling we’re doing something “wrong”. It seems we often carry what we did to survive as children (to make sense of where we fit in our families, and the world) into our adult lives and those youthful survival strategies become self/other sabotage in adulthood. It’s not our fault, but it is our adult responsibility to own our well being. Not an easy journey, becoming ourselves...but worth the trip! It can be so hard not to confuse what feels familiar (familial) with love - and to avoid the pitfalls of adult relationships where we continue the familiar, unhealthy patterns...that’s where good support and self awareness and passionate bravery come in! We are here to become ourselves - it’s our right...and responsibility ;) Best to you....

@yoyoyo5621

4 жыл бұрын

@@irenemays6053 "We are here to become ourselves.." that really hit me deeply. Thanks:)

@Alphacentauri819

4 жыл бұрын

Alan Robarge and The Personal Development School (Thais Gibson) have both been super transformative for my journey. They address attachment styles developed due to childhood wounds. It has been revolutionary and empowering for me to see things differently. Unfortunately all we know for a while, is adaptive tools to get along the best we can...at that time. They become deeply embedded in us, how we see ourselves and others, how we react. It takes work to look at the subconscious thoughts, beliefs, the false narratives and challenge them. We are influenced by society too. I am so much more self aware and blanched...and still have a ways to go!! I wish you healing and blessings🌸

@Alphacentauri819

4 жыл бұрын

Irene Mays yes!!! I love your comments :) I’ve been discovering much of what you wrote. It’s amazing we can change the narrative and become ourselves.

People pleasers raise your hands. Me: 🖐 🖐 🖐 This video is an eyeopener! Thank you Julia Kristina!

@wendydrummond2338

4 жыл бұрын

Ex people pleaser because I did 4 yrs of codependency course because people pleasing is unhealthy codependency it's allowing yourself to be a doormat go to pastor RC BLAKES JN on KZread video called how to become a Queen to attract your king and his video on how to become a king to attract your QUEEN... People pleasing days over forever. God bless you and your family and work love from Wendy Drummond from Adelaide South Australia

@ladyesther

3 жыл бұрын

Hands raised.

@dw3403

2 жыл бұрын

if we all were people pleasers the world would be so fun. But there are those who think everyone else lives to please them and them alone. So lets not get down on people pleasers.

Yes !!! Our thoughts create our emotions, we can't control someone else's thoughts, feelings and needs.

@juliakristinamah

4 жыл бұрын

Amen sis!

@ErikaK

4 жыл бұрын

@@juliakristinamah ♡♡♡

@holographicc6974

4 жыл бұрын

And for toxics, their emotions dictate their “logic”. Emotional thinkers and logical thinkers are two different species- find your own

@cjennings6179

4 жыл бұрын

Control FREAKS CAN ON SOME VERY WEAK LEVELS OF A PEOPLE PLEASER. TO NOTE.

I'm a card carrying people pleaser and empath. I need to hear this over and over until it sticks in my crazy subconscious mind. Thank you for posting. You are a great therapist.

I think that hearing that I’m not responsible for meeting other people’s needs , reading their minds, trying to guess their needs was the thing that hit me the most. This video is a HUGE help to me! I keep rewatching it! Thanks!!!

"my responsibility is to be pure in my intentions" - these are powerful words; I said regarding myself just yesterday.

Dr Julia; I am so grateful for finding ur channel. You are a ray of sunshine in the darkness.

@juliakristinamah

4 жыл бұрын

I'm so glad you're here too! Will you help me spread the light by letting yours shine too?

As a recovering people pleaser, I love your videos because they always shift my perspective!

I’m responsible for my needs and my kids’ needs. That’s it. The rest is conditional: if and when I can get to it.

That’s why some people commit suicide after being cyber bullied, it’s a tough situation but it makes me think that they were living out of people’s opinions of themselves.

@juliakristinamah

4 жыл бұрын

I definitely think resilience and building a healthy sense of self needs to be taught in schools.

@DESTRAKON

4 жыл бұрын

@@juliakristinamah I can't remember where I heard this quote "you are not your thoughts" but it really resonates, what are your thoughts on it?

@FriendofDorothy

4 жыл бұрын

@@juliakristinamah But it wasn't. I am talking about being a child in the '50s and '60s. There was nothing about setting "boundaries" or most of the other principles you talk about in these videos. But they did their best to get me to be be a conformist, to be "good" and "nice" all the time to people at my own expense, and to require me to take courses that bored the crap out of me and still have no practical application to my actual life as an adult. (How about "money management 101" instead of algebra?; how about "Emotional Health and Self Esteem 101" instead of geometry or chemistry?) And children were not taught at all how to deal with bullies in school! It has taken me years to realize that my response to the emotional abuse I endured as a kid was to try and please others, try and be "perfect: and to to be "nice" to others rather than set my own boundaries. I can't change the past; it is what it is, but I wish I'd known this stuff years ago, would've spared me a lot of self-regret and self-bashing for not standing up for myself better. Having been told (by a provisional mother who I can now see was quite unhappy with even having children) that I was the "black sheep" of the family and "born backwards and been backwards ever since" due to being a breech birth I am more than ready to "let it go"...I'm just glad I did not become a full fledged alcoholic or drug addict as I grew up with crappy self-esteem, fending off depression and social anxiety, and had to forge my own self-identity and try to ignore the negativity of my childhood and adolescence. These videos? Keep em coming. Better to learn this stuff later in life than never.

@sassysandie2865

4 жыл бұрын

Julia Kristina Counselling it should be taught at home but sadly isn’t always.

@juliakristinamah

4 жыл бұрын

@@DESTRAKON I agree 100% and have said that in other videos. You are not your thoughts, you are the thinker of your thoughts. And you are not your emotions, you are the experiencer of your emotions.

My mother hold me responsibel for everything in her life. Even her happiness. I struggel with guilt so I love to hear you speak so clear! Thank you!!!!!!!!

“do not take responsibility something is not ur in control” thank u so much very good point and very clear.🌹🌹🌹

This is so enlightening. I've struggled with low self esteem my entire life, and I've always felt responsible for everyone and all these things. Thank you for uploading this 💗

"I am not responsible for your feelings, if you feel hurt by my aggression. I am not responsible for how you take my mocking jokes! I am not responsible for your need to be heard and seen by me!" - to me it sounds like a psychopath's motto. And gosh, how many in my closest surroundings live by that motto!.. I believe, we ARE partly responsible for how we influence other people.

@samk.970

3 жыл бұрын

Yes we are RESPONSIBILE to act in a compassionate and carrying way. Yet we wouldn't sometimes if we are making any negative impact, the other person needs to tell us so.

@clairbear1234

2 жыл бұрын

I understand this critique, its more like, if you are doing your best and enforcing your boundaries, sometimes people may not like it, but we are not responsible if they don't like out boundaries.

@jannajohnsen1796

2 жыл бұрын

@@clairbear1234 we should enforce our boundaries in a decent way. If we attack other people while doing it, we ARE actually responsible for having hurt them.

@akehapkap6143

2 жыл бұрын

As she said, it doesn’t make an excuse to be an asshole. But if people expect you to know their needs and feelings, we have to start being mindreaders. Of course you can’t be an asshole and not be responsible for it. The message is that you cannot have responsibility for things you can’t control. People can (mostly) control their behavior.

@jannajohnsen1796

2 жыл бұрын

@@akehapkap6143 The definition of "being an asshole" is too vague and subjective, and everyone defines it as it suits them. For example, if my father is shouting at me and I ask him not to do that, he says that I am attacking him now and trying to change him! Who is "being an asshole" here? I believe he is, and he believes I am. My feelings are hurt, but so are his. No one sees themselves as "the bad guy", most people would try to justify their behaviour no matter what. Who decides then which behaviour can be labeled as "an asshole" and which not?

Watching and rewatching this and trying to unlearn my unhealthy baggage. Thanks for all you do. I’m sooooooo grateful.

“Those boundaries... they’re gunna get ya.” 😂 Love this whole video! Thank you so much!!

@juliakristinamah

4 жыл бұрын

If, for some reason, the rhythm doesn't, a lack of healthy boundaries will get you! ;-)

I have been guilty of taking responsibility for all of these. This is perfect timing for my current shift. Will help solidify it more. Thank you Julia

I’ve been dealing with many issues due to explaining these things to ppl, especially in relationships or pursuits of possible relationships. I explained it the same way she did and each time they shut down, I’m starting to notice there’s only two mindsets in this world. Many ppl are constantly making decisions off of their emotions and then there’s US, we’re seen as narcissistic which is not bad btw. We are more logical and deeper in thought rather than emotions.

Of course it is important to set boundaries and to see what we can and can't control. But I always have the feeling that BECAUSE we can't know what someone is thinking, needing or feeling and BECAUSE those things are so individual, and BECAUSE we as a society are not trained to necessarily be empathic, it is very important to learn to check in with people. And I do feel it IS absolutely our responsibility to not assume things and just do whatever we think is best to do and put the responsibility on the other person to tell us if that doesn't work for them. For example, I don't just assume, that it is ok for my friend with anxiety to go to a crowded place with me, just because it would be ok for me. And I want to share the responsibility with them. I want them to feel cared for by me checking in with them and on the other hand hope they will tell me. Just like I expect from the people around me, that they check in with me about what I want and need and not just roll through their life like a bulldozer.

Hi Mrs. Kristina. I love your videos and your wisdom that you teach. Thank you. I have a four year old daughter, who I believe, is teaching me to set better boundaries, especially when she’s asking for various stuff. I am going to apply the “mindful” packing responsibility” because I often take on the toys she packs and cannot carry on her own while I already have full hands, literally. ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜

I don't agree with you telling nobody is responsible for meeting other people's needs. I was married, my husband wanted himself to become a father, he agreed to help me caring after the kids, then he refused to do it. It was a common responsability, but he let me down with all the work. In a relationship you are also responsible to meet the needs of your partner.

@juliakristinamah

4 жыл бұрын

Being an active participating parent is not about meeting your needs Sumari - it's about him taking responsibility for the choice he made to have children and be married. You are both responsible TO show up and contribute to the family and to your partnership if those are things you've chosen to have, but neither of you are responsible FOR the other person.

"Why do we need, for people to think good things about us?" We have primal fear of beeing excluded from our family/tribe, beeing excluded was a death sentence. Therefor we still are very keen on keeping good relations with the people we feel a belonging to.

@cjennings6179

4 жыл бұрын

Our DIGNITY!🔑

@sj-cf1dt

4 жыл бұрын

Agreed, people who don’t “need” someone to think “good” things about us aren’t in a vulnerable position and/or are totally delusional.

@nicolasmesa8929

4 жыл бұрын

Thats a theory tho, NOT a fact ... Makes sense tho!

Other peoples thoughts & feelings - Meeting others needs - Making other people happy - Setting other peoples boundaries - Taking on peoples problems. Actually if i am honest all of the above to a degree. Love this thank you

I can't make them happy. No matter what you do, you can't make someone else life

Is very hard having a twin brother. Come to the point where he made a lot of bad decisions and I'm felt like it was my duty to help him out. Which it had gotten me nowhere. And I've come to notice being around my mom it was expectations and people-pleasing😩. Thx for your insight in helping people like me😌

I love my mom, I try to do the best at everything to please her and making her happy. Sometimes she appreciates it, sometimes she doesn’t and sometimes she blaming me for not doing it right. This makes me struggle a lot since I never once ask myself what makes me happy. What do I want. All I think is about her need’s

To anticipate someone else’s needs is NOT mind reading. It is the NORMAL human capacity to feel empathy and respond to it with compassion. That’s what mirror neurons are for to help our specie connect to each other HEART to HEART. This type of thinking does NOT help humanity thrive. We are a collaborationist specie. We need one another for support and love. When someone is in deep pain, he or she might not be aware of her needs so precisely. That’s where our capacity to “READ HEARTS”, NOT minds, comes in. It is a humane behavior to spontaneously offer help and support to those in need. The individualistic idea that each man or woman must be for themselves is very very depressing and narcissistic. Real and true human connection depends on our capacity to feel empathy and offer acts of compassion graciously and generously, not because somebody asks you for it. Just my opinion.

I am glad you said @12:20 being pure about showing up...the work I do on myself, to sum up, I test the purity of my motives....thank you. I believe this is a healthy validation...sometimes things get hard and it is easy to trick myself into thinking I should have done more...we just are what we are...

Dear Julia Christina , even to this day your video has an impact, I've recently had weeks of what I can only describe as incredibly stressful, people expecting me to fix their problems and holding me accountable and trying to get me involved in their dispute with another. It would be really good if they saw your video also so that they understand the message . I don't mind supporting people and giving advice when asked for , even this is my choice, thankyou very much for these videos.

12:40 making other people happy? There is no such thing as a happy narcissist. 20 years of marriage have tought that to me.

I got ( what I call ) off track? Stopped working out and feeling that self love I need So! Much! Started focusing on helping everyone ( teens/ husband, nephews/ my mother 🙄) 😫? And got Super resentful and insecure 😞 because I thought they should show me Super amounts of gratitude I rightfully deserved 😡😖? I appreciate this video so much! Always can count on your advice 🤗👏👏!! Thank you Julia 🌈🦋💞❤️

Thank you Julia for the reminder. I have been ruminating for over a month on this very question of responsibility in relationships. My marriage counselor keeps trying to tell me I am responsible for my wife's abusive reactions. That just did not seem right to me. I'm having a lot of trouble understanding why I would not only be liable and accountable for her hurt feelings over something so minuscule that I said that got twisted around within her to make her feel her own hurt when that was in no way my malicious intent. But when I try to tell her I'm only responsible / liable / accountable for my honest pure and genuine intent she comes at me with female excuses justifying the wife's abuse towards me and the kids as all my fault because I'm not taking my responsibilities.

@louisegarner8888

3 жыл бұрын

Counsellors often don't understand narcissistic abuse. You might want to research narcissism as it sounds a bit like what you're experiencing. Tricky to deal with and best to set boundaries and go no contact if you can. I wish you luck. 🍀💞

I'm in a bad situation with my family i live with. Your videos are helping so much.

Hey julia...from INDIA todays content helped me tremendously...as an indian kid i had immense pressure on getting approval from parents and peers...it is such a difficult phase but this hepled me on the process of understanding that iam not responsible for many things i thought i was. Thank you

@khyati7733

4 жыл бұрын

Soo true

Great video. Thanks for all you give. Just today my friend/caregiver (surgery a few months ago) told me he cannot be friends with me anymore. I felt relief. This person isn’t a bad person, but he very much lacks taking responsibility for his own actions. ‘ I missed my interview because I was doing this for you.’ It got old fast and I let him know that he is NOT to let ANYTHING pertaining to ME get in the way of HIS responsibilities. I wish him well. He has been raised with gaslighting. I’m breathing fresh air to not have to be his excuse for all the issues that he harbors. Especially being made to feel bad about myself because he missed this or that on my account. Thanks Julia Kristina, you’re alright! . 👍✅

The phrase “You make me feel...” is widely used. Thank you for this video.

Wooo! I needed to hear this so bad! ❤️

Wow! Thank you for this video. It's exactly what I needed now!

You have talked about it before so I'm happy you brought this up again. I'm always wanting to help my friends and family with the information I learn hear and the self help books I've been reading. Fro the people I think it would benefit the most I get a lot of resistance. I'm going to try and step back and tell myself it's not my responsibility. I can only be responsible for myself. Thanks again!

Hi Julia! I wasn’t sure that this was a problem with my relationship until I watched this video. I’m such a people pleaser for fear that they won’t like me. All of the things you listed is what I’m guilty of doing, ugh. But through your BPC program I realize I need to like myself and it’s becoming more and more apparent the more I watch your videos. I thank you for that knowledge. Every video I watch I take away a lesson, now I just need to apply it to me. You’re my hero, looking forward to your next video. 🙏🏽💙

@juliakristinamah

4 жыл бұрын

Jaimee - YOU are amazing just as you are - and I love that you're starting to realize it. On your side ALWAYS!

Thanks so much for the awesome video JULIA. You and your videos are fantastic! May you and your family have a wonderful New Years Eve and a blessed 2022!

Wow, thank you for this; I needed this so much

Thank you for this! 💙✌️ I needed to hear this so bad!

I will be replaying this video for awhile-it truly was everything I needed to hear, at the perfect time. Thanks so much for taking the time to share your insights and advice!💜💜💜

@juliakristinamah

4 жыл бұрын

Really grateful it connected Janet. Thanks for being here.

Needed this. Thanks!

Very helpful ! As always ... I have never watched a video of yours that I didn't learn something from . Your calm manner is appreciated too 😉

Thanks for the reminder. God bless you! ❤

This was a topic that I was in dire need of. My anxiety has been like an iceberg underneath the surface it was huge and obvious and I didn't even see the tip of it because so much more obvious anxiety had just fallen away I thought I was doing so much better. finally realizing that this anxiety revolved around responsibility and guilt I came across this video - oh my God! thank you thank you thank you!

🤣 I will forever be thinking of my local paleontologist and their opinion of me or my dutty to make them happy. That was such a great line. Thank you for the video. It is greatly appreciated.

@juliakristinamah

4 жыл бұрын

lol! This made me giggle. There are very few people who get my ridiculous sense of humour - thanks for being one of them!

@TrottingAlongWithK

4 жыл бұрын

I found it hilarious!! 🤣

@juliakristinamah

4 жыл бұрын

@Scullery Maid lol!

i just wanna say thank you to her for caring enough about people to help us get better

I try to follow my heart and true intentions and sometimes is almost impossible for me to not attempt to do something, I don't expect anything and I am aware that I can't change anyone, I do carefully consider what I'm going to say or do because I like to think that maybe a little bit of my love and happiness can rub off onto others, I am not attempting to be a hero but is almost like a duty for me to try anyway, I'm not affected by the outcome but as a human being I can not just sit back and not even try a bit. For example I know I can not make my mom Happy but if walking in the rain and getting wet together makes her smile I am going to do it. Your videos are a treasure my eternal gratitude

Love your video! Perfekt voice, and really good advice that is helping me! :) You make me feel optimistic about the future!

Thanks, needed this today resonated with me.

@juliakristinamah

4 жыл бұрын

Really glad it connected. Thanks for taking the time to say so.

Thank you so much for this video!

@juliakristinamah

4 жыл бұрын

Always Danielle. Thanks for being here.

Love listening to your posts.

I used to be a big people pleaser, most of my life in fact. I used to always try to get people to like me, think good things about me. I would worry if people thought poorly of me. In my most recent relationship, I would always try to get the approval of my exes family. But after the breakup, I got sucked into a deep depressive state. I worried that "oh great, all that time I spent trying to get them to like me is all for nothing." But I am actually grateful that it happened. It was actually that depression that helped me get out of that state of mind. And I've definitely seen an improvement in all of my other relationships as well as the relationship with myself. I occasionally do get sucked back into that mindset, but I take a few moments to ask myself "Does it really matter what they think of you?" Which the answer is "No, it doesn't". I really do enjoy watching your videos, definitely are helpful. Keep up the good work ^_^

Love this. Thank you. ❤️

Very thorough and extremely helpful video. Thank you!!

@juliakristinamah

4 жыл бұрын

Glad it connected and glad you're here.

Love what your doing, keep up all the excellent works...

Probably the best video on the subject on KZread .. thanks a lot 💐👍🏼

ive just come across your videos añd the timing couldn't be better your clear you make loads of sense and are very helpful thankyou you have a new subscriber I'm actually binge watching thanks again

So true... great video. I've wasted many years trying to solve family members problems to my families detriment... something i still have to stop and think before acting.

Thank you so much for this excellent video!

Wow. My mother found a way to punish me for not doing all of those things listed. I am going to need to rewatch this and really take the time to process it. I feel that this is a great summary to help me through my therapy.

A thousand thank-yous to you! Words cannot express how grateful I am for your knowledge, compassion, and wisdom!

Fabulous. This is superb ! Big thank you 🙏💖

Hi Julia I just found your channel and you have no idea how glad I am I did, I have only listened to a few of your tapes, but already feeling more empower, thank you .

Thank you so much, Dr Julia. You're awesome 🙌💕🍀😎

This is a great video, really helpful advice presented in a very relatable manner.

I appreciate you & your work deeply. I'm attending my first Co-DA meeting because of it. Keep up the great work :)

Great reminder thanks for this! You rock, keep up the good work you are really offering a lot to people.

@juliakristinamah

4 жыл бұрын

Thanks sister - that means a lot. And thank you for being here.

Thank you for this. Thank you so much.

Julia you hit the nail on the head so many times I mean with each one of your reasons stated you took me back to so many years that I can breathe about now thank you

Awesome..I needed to hear that 🙌🙌

Thank you so much for your work you have opened my eyes to why I self sabotage on a much deeper level

You just helped me figure out what I could not explain regarding the subject of intentions... I was spending more energy trying to explain to my ex gf that she is a bullie... She says she doesn't like what I'm offering I finally told her she's unable to reciprocate it, she's also afraid to accept it because I was offering unconditional love. And I still love her unconditionally. And by doing that, I've stopped enabling her to repeat this toxic cycle, as long as I submit to her abuse, I'm keeping her stuck and unable to grow, and I'm also depleting an exhausting everything that's valuable about me. So to really serve her well, I have removed myself entirely from her life. I don't expect her to do the inner work that is needed. I hope she does for her own sake, not for mine. I'm no longer serious about her. I am curious though about the new doors that are going to open in my journey. I really appreciate this very important content that you're sharing. And if it wasn't for that 3 1/2 year relationship, if it wasn't for my ex gf, I don't think I would be experiencing all of the opportunities I've been receiving for growth. There are no enemies just great teachers

Love this video ! Thank you

I found your channel 2 days ago and I believe that i’ve already binge watch many many of your videos. Thank you so much for your wisdom and knowledge. I’m learning things like i’ve never heard before. Merci!

This advice is absolutely perfect! Everyone should hear it!

Your advice is always awesome. Thank you.

@juliakristinamah

4 жыл бұрын

That's really kind of you. Thanks friend.

Julia Kristina, you are helping me so much with your videos and this is no exception ❤️

I definitely needed to hear this. You always seem to know exactly what I need to hear. Thank you!

@juliakristinamah

4 жыл бұрын

Love that we're on the same wavelength Jaime.

I would like to have friends like you - I enjoy listening to everything you have to say, my PTSD therapist has made a lot of similar points, all encouraging for self love and motivation. I find your advice truely resonating and I would just like to say thank you 🙏🏻✨

Great point about taking responsibility for THEIR boundaries, not to mention their thoughts, whatever they may be or not be.

I appreciate your videos, it gives me clarity and strength. Thank you kindly for your time and knowledge Julia.

Great observations and advice, I totalny agree. Thank you so much.

Your videos have blown my mind and has helped me a lot in my life and also I have helped others with the knowledge you have given. You are amazing!

Thank you for making this video.

Both my parents and my sister are such people pleasers. They were always worrying about what other people thought about 'em. Looking back on my teenage years I makes more sense as to why my mom, God rest her soul, always lectured me or disapproved on the clothes I wore or activities I did, or my hobbies such has collecting comic books, action figures,

I took on my son's needs . Practically doing everything for him. Then he found a girl and brought her into my home. Small one bedroom apartment . Then he married her. I still end up doing a lot for both of them . Trying to set boundaries was almost impossible , because my son just made feel like o... you didn't have to do this or that. Instead of saying thank you and appreciate everything you do for us . it came to be a resentment from myself . Little things started to bother me. I know deep inside we needed to go our separate ways , but I was trapped . They had a choice , move to her mother's house witch it was much bigger . The thing was they didn't have to pay their way in my house because I allowed . Spending my money being on disability so they can save up for a house . Well , they choose to move out after saving large amount and moved to her mother and paying rent there. Not so much like thank you , quite opposite no word from them. I can't help to feel bad and guilty like what did I do wrong . It doesn't feel good at all . It's on my mind 24 and it drives me crazy . I feel like I am being punished and excluded from their lives . They cut me off . It is cruel and unloving . I am trying to find my way and nothing makes me feel good.

@costascostas1760

3 жыл бұрын

You did everything for your son that you could. You are not looking for payment for what you did because you did it out of love. Let them go and cherish the thought you did your best as a mother.

The thing about setting others boundaries... That is a point I didn't even know...that it was upto them to communicate it to me. Was trying to be a better reader of the other person's mind, emotions etc. Wow. Thank you so much.

Excellent videos. I don’t get tire of listening

Thank you for your helpful video xx