Having a narcissistic mother is a lifetime of torture-even if you go no contact it will haunt you.

@beatrixf.9195

4 ай бұрын

Having two of them gives you anxiety way beyond their death.

@jacquelinebradley3038

4 ай бұрын

I've just pointed that same thing out here... Life -long suffering and pain!!

@TheKim369

4 ай бұрын

I only had the one parent, and knew nothing about narcissism, but just knew she was nuts and could predict but not explain to others, in a way that made sense. I've been no contact since she died, not haunted, sometimes feel a little ripped off that I didn't know about all this until after she died. If I might not have had the nerve to go no contact, at least I would have understood and stopped trying so hard to please her.

@yvettemoore1082

4 ай бұрын

Add a sister who's a narc to having a mother who's also one and life is a real HOOT!!! I thank God for H.G🇦🇺♥️

@yvettemoore1082

4 ай бұрын

​@@TheKim369I absolutely understand "feeling ripped off" ...I don't have a single good word to say about my mother and after 3 years no contact I wouldn't change a thing..

1. You have to parent the parent 2. Boundaries are breached 3. You are used to validate them 4. The use of favourites 5. Their needs come first 6. Blame shifting 7. Your independence is a threat to the narcissist 8. The narcissist lives vicariously through you 9. You will be cut-down/marginalised 10. Shaming your reactions

@amyemerson

4 ай бұрын

Thank you!

@VikSapphireH

4 ай бұрын

Yeah! Big ✅❕to all of them. Had a narcissist greatgrandpa, a narcissist grandmother, a narcissist mother and my father pretty much also one.

@veebliss1266

4 ай бұрын

I have combo parents I think one is narc and one Bpd or codependent. Narc gma for sure

@veebliss1266

4 ай бұрын

Parentifying them!! Ahh!!

@nineteenfortyeight6762

4 ай бұрын

👍

What’s even more insane is they view you as the narcissist for going no contact. Yet they abused you and somehow you are the abuser. Mental.

@AliciaM5555

4 ай бұрын

Yes, victim shaming. We are faulty appliances who gets painted black or white or put on the shelf. 🌹

@lavenderkisses9461

2 ай бұрын

This was WILD when I got hit with this accusation!

Thanks to HGs work, I was able to work out that my mother was a narcissist, what type of narcissist she was and that she encouraged or railroaded me into making decisions so I would be left to look after her as she aged. Now I can see it as plain as day. Thank you HG ❤

@amyemerson

4 ай бұрын

@@bookofshadows2755 Tapping into our narc traits can come in handy. Sometimes our survival depends upon it. 💕

@michellemartin7856

4 ай бұрын

I really empathise with you! Not sure if you have any siblings and whether they helped you to cope with the demands of an ageing parent? I’m in the same position as you were at this present time; even though I am the youngest of 6 children, I am constantly bombarded with doing almost everything for my mum now that she’s older ranging from cooking, cleaning, shopping and much much more besides, so much so that I have virtually no life of my own. Spending any amount of time to myself is resented by her, yet all my siblings get to live their lives without being criticised the way I am. Was it that way for you? I hope you are finding peace, tranquility and freedom in your life once again ❤

@alliet808

4 ай бұрын

My same story, I actually cut ties with her, I’m done ✅

@michellemartin7856

4 ай бұрын

@@bookofshadows2755 thank you for your kind and informative comments ❤️

@michellemartin7856

4 ай бұрын

@@bookofshadows2755 thank you once again for your informative comments. Regarding your very last comment, could you please elucidate?

I was about nine when I realized that something was very wrong with my family…I remember thinking, “I can’t wait to get away from here!” I also remember wishing/daydreaming about living alone in nature in a cozy house like Winnie the Pooh. I began questioning my whole childhood, the horrific abuse, and the excuses I made for both of my parents for years, something was very wrong. Through the narc detector, HG confirmed my suspicions that they were both indeed narcs. No contact is the only path forward towards healing, truly. It’s incredibly painful at first, you may go back to them, but it gets worse if you go go back, so it’s best to move forward with healthy people and work on yourself.

@AliciaM5555

4 ай бұрын

Damn, I'm so sorry you had to go through that 😮😢❤

@Unknown90010

2 ай бұрын

Damn that is traumatic I hope all is well...

i was a latchkey kid. Starting at 8 years old, I wore my house key on a chain around my neck, went home after school to an empty house, and cooked dinner for a family of six and had to do my homework. After dinner I had to do dishes. I was the youngest. My parents worked and three older siblings had after school activities. On the weekends I was responsible for the entire family's laundry and cleaning the bulk of a three story, four bedroom home (my siblings had a few chores). I was rarely allowed to socialize. I was never allowed to pursue interests or join after school activities. If I dared to complain, I was an ungrateful brat for not showing more appreciation for living in such a nice home. There is so much more. I think my parents and my siblings are narcissists. I questioned myself until I did the empath detector and learned I am not. People need a license to drive a car, but they let anyone be parents. We should change that. Too many kids (like me) get completely screwed up and beaten down, to where the rest of our lives we feel lucky just to survive each day. Dreams die. Potential goes unused. And the narcissist parents then use that to keep degrading their children. Its sick.

@amyemerson

4 ай бұрын

‘Dreams die. Potential goes unused.’ 😓 That is heartbreaking, honest profundity.

@ophila7

4 ай бұрын

Yes!! Had been to a similar experience.. parents catered to an older sibling (narcissist too) and guilt tripping me into working and giving them money. I never could express my needs of my interests, all was shot down and I was verbally abused and belittled

@michellemartin7856

4 ай бұрын

I’m so sorry to hear you’ve been treated that way. Pretty much the same for me. I explained this the other day on this forum so I know exactly how you’re feeling. They’re to blame not you.

@gostakount7383

4 ай бұрын

@@michellemartin7856 thank you! I am sorry you were too

@michellemartin7856

4 ай бұрын

@@gostakount7383 ❤️

I am so lucky that I did not have narcissists as parents. I feel for all of you that went through that.

I was raised by a narcissist mother although I was in my mid thirties before I realised it was her and not me .. everyone thought I was a difficult child by her admission, these days I have no maternal bond with her, she lives in Ireland so I hardly interact with her .. she no longer affects my life but she is toxic as hell .. I have the mental scars

The damage that was done to me by my narcissistic mother is permanent and irreparable. Depersonalization disorder, anxiety, social anxiety. I feel debilitated 😢

@Unknown90010

4 ай бұрын

I hope you made it out. I hope time heals all wounds. I'm sending you peace,love,and light.

@Yesterwoman

4 ай бұрын

​@@Unknown90010nein, Zeit heilt diese Wunden nicht. Mankann besser werden, aber nicht gut.

@Unknown90010

4 ай бұрын

@Yesterwoman Ich kann Ihren Standpunkt verstehen. Sie müssen im Grunde mit dem Verlust des Familienmitglieds fertig werden, das Sie zu Lebzeiten getrennt haben. Man lernt, damit umzugehen und nicht einfach weiterzumachen, es ist nicht so einfach.

@Yesterwoman

4 ай бұрын

@@Unknown90010 nicht nur das, man muss mit der Trauer darueber fertig, was man nie hatte und wahrscheinlich auch kaum bekommen wird. Und diese Trauer ist viel haerter und langanhaltender als Trauer um etwas was man hatte als man es brauchte und verloren hat.

@Unknown90010

4 ай бұрын

@Yesterwoman Es stimmt, es ist eine sehr traumatische Erfahrung, und wenn man sie durchmacht, sind die unmittelbaren Folgen verheerend. Vor allem, wenn Eltern wie Mutti und vater oder nur einer so zutiefst enttäuschend sind. Du fragst dich immer, ob ich das Richtige tue? In manchen Nächten habe ich dadurch den Schlaf verloren

My grandmother was a narcissist. The damage she inflicted on my mother and uncle continues into the 3rd and 4th generations. Narcissistic parents spread the misery for decades into the future - unless someone in the family realizes what’s going on! Thank you HG for educating so many of us.

I have a Narcissistic mother who abandoned me in childhood. I didn’t know at the time but I wanted her in my life, found her on facebook and restarted a relationship in my adult years. She began to demand my time, calling and off loading on me because she was lonely. When I got uncomfortable and pulled away, she would call the police and say I was missing and to do a wellness check. Imagine being at home and suddenly police show up at your house telling you to call your mother… 😩

@Unknown90010

4 ай бұрын

Have you gone No Contact?

@anapantelic517

3 ай бұрын

Me too, and visits from the police as well. She would tell the police she feared that I might be living an immoral life, and they would investigate and find proof to the contrary. Later after I married she would seek my husband’s attention and try to cause trouble between us. Then when my son was born she came to visit and stayed 6 months and did her best to separate me from my newborn son at every opportunity. Thank heavens she’s out of the way for good.

@nolanotur-darling4087

3 ай бұрын

@@Unknown90010 it took some time but I’m now no contact. I’ve come to terms with the fact that she’ll never be a loving mother to me.

@nolanotur-darling4087

3 ай бұрын

@@anapantelic517 that must’ve been so stressful having a little one, trying to heal from birth and having a narcissistic mother around. It’s so sad how they just want to slander and isolate you. Good that you got her away from you as your family. Wishing you all the best! 💜

@anapantelic517

3 ай бұрын

@@nolanotur-darling4087 Thank you, that’s extremely kind and understanding of you, but you have also had much to overcome, and I wish you the very best. I once heard said that what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. I can’t vouch for it, but it’s an affirmative thought true enough. Much happiness.

My mother abadoned myself and my 2 siblings as small children . Until she died aged 84 she was the victim , utterly self absorbed , envious of others . Never saw her role in the i psychological injuries she inficted on her children . A narc to the core . Both of my older died prematurely of addictions .

My dad is definitely a narcissist. It wasn't irony my dad "changed"; it was the hoover. I won't let myself believe he's changed. I remember who he really is.

HG's work is invaluable. I've never been an IPPS but I now recognize the narcissism in relatives.

Both of my parents are narcissists. Lots of plate smashing memories.

@daniellatan9016

4 ай бұрын

Same here and i only got to know this when i went for therapy after being disengaged from a narcissistic spouse. And now they expect me to take them in since they are aging?! How would i ever heal?!

This video explains a lot. It's actually frightening and even after the narcissist leaves this earth they still find a way to hurt you. I do wonder how H&M's children will weather the storm having two narcissists in their lives.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, all statements in each category are spot on for my narc mom and enabler narc dad. I have just relived my life from childhood to my 40 years of age. They reached out beyond the grave to try to inflict pain by writing me out of their will and stating the absence of me in absolute terms. I never allowed them to meet my wonderful husband, his son, or my friends after 40. They would have tried to destroy them and damage me further and would no longer allow it. Edited in: I am not a victim

@TheKim369

4 ай бұрын

Good for you! I couldn't name what I was dealing with, but mostly lived thousands of miles away, living close was awful, and the world was full of adventure. (she hated that) Before my children were born, I determined to limit how deep she could sink her claws. I didn't worry about her damaging the development of their father, but she did do all kinds of passive agressive nice things for him, and I could see it was manipulation, not romantic or anything, just controlling and ultimately self serving.

@ShivanaG446

4 ай бұрын

Same here. I’m sorry for what you had to go through.

The narcissistic aunt would try control me with her financial means and would get enraged whenever I rejected her money.

I'm french and I still don't know how I ended up on your channel. I was skeptical at first, a narcissist explaining this personality disorder and giving advices about dealing with it sounds weird. But your work is interesting. I like that you don't use pity play, nor you're trying to advocate for narcissists. I also like that you don't try to make us believe that you're doing this by altruism. Although, to be honest, you would probably make my skin crawl if I ever met you in person. Let's say that I think the best thing a narcissist can do is dying, but I acknowledge that some of you are really smart and can be useful from time to time. My parents are both narcissists (and make my skin crawl), the really crazy type, so insane that I suspect they may have commit murders. I don't have enough to get the cops involved, but there is enough to be sincerely suspicious about. Which leads to the fact that I would appreciate to have more insight on the criminal aspect of some narcissists.

Excellent Video HG. 👍 This is the only time my mother's got 10/10 for anything.

@EastMidlandsDUTCHess

4 ай бұрын

😂😂😂 Same here!

@dominikapilis803

4 ай бұрын

Ahahahaha😂😂

That was an extremely valuable & validating video, HG. Thank you so much for the premiere too 💕

I remember that from a very young age I had this deep, unsettling sense that something was very wrong with my parents. But of course as a child you do not have vocabulary to express that. It took many years before I was able to even start to figure out that they’re both narcissists. But the gut level red flags were there are far back as I can remember.

@RationalNon-conformist

4 ай бұрын

I totally relate, I remember knowing they were abusive and weird and could not wait to get the hell out of there.. I just didn’t know how I was going to make it out. The crazy part is, they can’t see their own dysfunction, so they point fingers at the empathic scapegoat and tell them that they’re the problem.

All 10 points describe my mummy dearest apart from she tried to kill me as a child . She watched my body painfully shut down from an asthma attack . I was anointed by a priest . A family member stepped up and I was sent to hospital . I was 13 years old . Went no contact a year ago after listening to hg channel . I get repeated hoovers by letter she is a victim.

For me, it was my father. I have recently gone no contact. So many comments here deeply resonate, as with many of HGs narcissist videos.... I just don't know how rid myself of the darkness that still overshadows anything I want to do or feel good about. I need to learn to differentiate between my inner voice and the voice of constant criticism that is his. Big love to you all ❤ I really do appreciate you all. And you HG. You are a legend xx

This was brilliant. I confirmed every one of the 10 signs for my mother and slightly less for my father. Very helpful to understand.

10/10, perfect work HG. You are perfectly accurate in your analysis, unlike other creators. I realized that my father is a narcissist few months ago, when you analyzed Steven Crowder. My father died suddenly 2 months ago, and I haven't felt sadness for 1 second since he's gone.

This is my ex mum completely. Chilling so!

My mother is the narcissist and now she’s a millionaire my dads aunt passed away and left my dad inheritance and now she’s calling herself the matriarch of the family. I always prayed that she never got rich. Because I knew it was going to be hell on wheels. So pray for me. I’m the empath and the scapegoat.

As a child I remember thinking that the world and other people must be more safe, how worste that can be, worste that mum and dad? Well, life is not easy but my parents manage to destroy me, I escape mum early but I did not recognize father as worste than her. He s a terapist, he saves lifes he says 😂 well, not mine. I called from a ambulance because I had a motorcycle accident and he yelled to me that he was working, right, in his clinic. That iced cool stare in his eyes is scary.

I'm learning alot from you HG. My brother was the golden child. I was invisible which I have just learned i was after 63 yrs. At 8 yrs old I took care of my sick Mother. I was seen and not heard. My parent was and is still controlling. Their way always or no way. Just realized through you that they are a narcissist. Wow. Always thought everyones parents was like that.

@Unknown90010

4 ай бұрын

And that's what I'm learning as well. Their way or no way!! They are like big kids basically the way they behave. I thought alot of people's parents were like that as well until I came here.

@sherryellis4214

4 ай бұрын

@Unknown90010 Also because of what I experienced I don't trust people either. I always wonder what is their agenda. That's a terrible way to be. Now I know why I act that way. At least we are learning. I always had to keep my mouth shut as not to get in trouble.

@Unknown90010

4 ай бұрын

@sherryellis4214 same even to this day at my age I learned very quickly to be quiet it was an understood meaning to be quiet you are to be seen not heard. I can see why you think that way about people's intentions it's terrible you are always like analyzing what someone meant and you kind of question everything and it almost makes you feel like u r the Narc 😆 🤣 but we are not kinda just learning from.our mistakes

@sherryellis4214

4 ай бұрын

@Unknown90010 So true. I always as a child told myself myself that I hid my emotions behind my doors n windows shut them so I wouldn't feel like they wanted me to feel. But as you said sometimes it still comes to mind things said. I also had to scope out a room to see if it was safe to enter or I could become collateral damage. I still do that subconsciously as I enter a room. Learned behavior.

@Unknown90010

4 ай бұрын

@sherryellis4214 yep, as the old saying goes, "Children are what they live." I'm hoping you can heal or cope with what you have gone through 👌

Well, I won’t say I even knew what a narcissist was when I was in the third grade, when I asked my mother if I could see a psychologist….I don’t remember how I even came up with the word, but I clearly remember asking to see one because I was already the scapegoat in my family. What made it so difficult for me to understand my mother is that she was an incredibly skillful covert narcissist, which is a type that is rarely talked about.

@EnterGoldenAge

4 ай бұрын

hello thank you for sharing. do you reckon you can somehow describe what you mean by 'incredibly skillful covert narcissist'? i feel i might know one too, but not sure if they might just be narcissistic in some ways and understandably miscellaneously 'disordered' (a term i do not like) in others? i think she was the scapegoat for her narcissistic mum and held a lot of resentment, plus high sensitivity, intelligence and mental peculiarities that could be labelled 'disordered' or non-normative. i hope you're doing well in yourself despite this parental difficulty.

My husband's mother is a notorious witch narcissist. I witness a lot of incident how she treated to her son. She is so abusive and controlling to him mentally and emotionally. We found out the BIG LIES she kept on her life. It turn out that the so called father that my husband thought turn out it is NOT his father. We found out thru DNA and surely enough she blame on my husband. REALLY ???? She wishes he was never born. She blame everything to him that is why she never have a good life. Even she is gone now, my husband still bother by this. I pray her soul be rest in peace and hope she knows what she did to him and to us.

@VikSapphireH

4 ай бұрын

My greatgrandfather was an extremely nasty narcissist by my grandparents account. He blamed his eldest son (my grandpa) for having to marry his wife.

@angelsolitaire6456

4 ай бұрын

@@VikSapphireH It is sad that narcs people has no idea what impact they created to their children in the future. It will mess up their life with emotional and psychological. I hope your grandfather was able to survive it. I am still there supporting my husband specially when he is down.

@VikSapphireH

4 ай бұрын

@@angelsolitaire6456 thanks for your concern. He survived physically but was severely emotionally damaged for the rest of his life. He broke of contact with his brother, because his brother had noticed what their father was and he couldn’t accept it.

I was raised by a narcissistic mother and alcoholic father. My younger brother was the golden child, my older brother was the bully. I was the scapegoat and people pleaser. Despite making a success of my life my narcissistic mother never once in her lifetime had a kind word to say to me. My father was a bully who I stood up to in adulthood, but when you’re a child you’re a vulnerable person who’s dependent on these monsters, right down to food. She would lock the food cupboard so we had to wait until she was ready to feed us. She ticked every single box HG Tudor listed.

At the end of 2023 is the time I got into contact with your channel about the narcissist. It was a perfect match with my father's behavior and older half brother. The puzzle bits and pieces was raining down and cleared up alot of confusion and questions. You have my gratitude for exposing that fiend.

Wish I’d heard this before my mother died last year and soon afterwards, my only sibling.

Thanks for this, HG! The typical response from guilt-tripping non-direct family members, is labelling my narcissistic parents as demented and thus excuses their toxic ways. Could you please enlighten us in another video, how dementia presents differently from a parent that is narcissistic?

@daniellatan9016

4 ай бұрын

@@bookofshadows2755 indeed! I am sick and tired of being gaslit into believing i should actually empathize with their toxicity. I cannot take it anymore after already going through 26 years of narcissistic abuse from a spouse.

My mother and sister were both narcissists. Made one HELL of a childhood! My mother was always at my house! Used me as her emotional prop from a very early age etc., etc. My sister was a manipulator and an emotional torturer. Had to fight her off all of my boyfriends! I’m 66 now, my mother died 22 years ago. Still, I feel lost without her, because she controlled almost everything!

All 10 😢 no contact for 7 years already… yet I still grief my childhood…

OMG, my mother was a narcissist, full on, on all ten points. Thank you HG. I had my knowledge that all was not right, and did my best to escape, but one never does entirely until they are removed by other forces.

I never thought of my mum as a narcissist. She ostracized me during the lockdown, and was praising my brother I lost my job and I would get daily abuse, telling me “your brother is where you want to be”. When I got a new job she was telling everyone who would listen as it was at a well known firm. She moans about me living at home, though when I looked at homes further away “ I can afford” It is too far, wanting me to live a few doors down or on the same road. She obviously wants me to be close to be her carer in her old age which won’t be happening, wanting me to help arrange her home refurbishment’s whilst leaving me cooped up in the smallest room in the house, giving the excuse of wanting a place for her friends to come and stay. Thanks HG I can really see the wood from the trees.

Good grief, looking at the photo was just like looking at my father.

Several, though not all, fit exactly in your signs. Almost flashbacks return. He died 20 years ago, and recurring pain is finally lessening after listening to your work, HG.

OH MY GOD HG!!!! HOW DO YOU KNOW MY FATHER!!!? I first identified him thanks to you; but I'm not a specialist... However, this CONFIRMS my belief!!!! Thank You🙏🏻

@thinkingallowed7042

4 ай бұрын

Every sign on the list except for number one and number five summed up my father.

I wonder what someone is that doesn’t fit the narcissistic parent you’ve described, but is someone that doesn’t have interest in their children when they are under 18 and as young adults? Someone that doesn’t offer their children any 0:13 advice, doesn’t express any love towards them and never calls their young adult children to see how they’re doing, but will attend family events.

Sounds like the average African parent ..we will break this generational trauma via education on narcs..thanks HG

I didn't know anything about narcissism until I was planning an escape from my ex. It was then that I had a dark night of the soul experience. When you see everything at once. Good/evil. question the meaning of existence. A time of complete change. And, you realize your parent's were narcissist's. And, then you laugh. Because it all makes sense now. The apple doesn't fall too far.

Defensive of their success/education coupled with envy of yours.

Your work is immensely valuable, HG! 💜 This list helped out a lot. #'s 1, 4, 5, 6, 9 and 10 covered my narcissist mother. Another three things she used to do: When she would argue with my father, she would bring up the past to try to manipulate him to get her way. She would triangulate by trying to get me to agree with her. She also would do this creepy stare when she didn't get her way with my father. She would also give me the stare. When my mother wasn't in the room or away from the house, we would talk about her creepy, weird stare. It was intense.

Excellent lesson here. Even though, as the old saying goes, "Those who can, do & those who can't, teach, HG is THE BEST teacher because he knows full well exactly what he is capable of doing & why he does it & how wicked it is BEING a narcissist. There's got to be sliver of hope for him yet. 😊🤞

My mother is a co-dependent and also checks a lot for the signs... she had only relationships with narcissists

I am 52 and a child of a narcissistic stepmother. Still trying to win her approval and love. I doubt that I will ever succeed.

Wow. You nailed this. This is so spot on.

[this was a very enlightening video I know now that my mother wasn't a narcissist. She was an incompetent person. She was resentful that she didn't have what others had, that she couldn't be what others were. That she couldn't do what others did. That she and my father didn't have "much money" (but there was enough to make her cigarettes her priority buy. Dad gave up smoking once they had started a family. . She couldn't really cope with problems, she tried to organise/control her life and family life so that problems didn't happen. But she could be selfish about wanting things, about being given first choice of anything. I think she may have felt "left out"/deprived if she wasn't first or wasn't getting a fair share of whatever was going on/being dished out. She gave very little on an emotional level. I recall once saying to a work colleague that I had grown up in spite of my mother. My choice of words actually surprised me. . I also recall the time that I bought an early Singer all singing all dancjng sewing machine - embroidery, automatic buttonholes plus. I asked her if she wanted to try it. (I'd have bought one for her if she liked it). Her response was "I don't want to play with your new toy". So that was the end of that conversation. My dad was a really nice caring man. I've always thought he was a saint to put up with mum. So far my own, now grown up, children don't seem to treat me as a narcissist (if they thought I was one they would tell me!) - they were able to grow up knowing who they are, and knowing that they have to be responsible for themselves, make their own decisions, earn their money, be kind and caring to others. They now both have very good jobs and lovely partners.

@user-iq3mp5zo8z

4 ай бұрын

I should have added. - mum wasn't hoot at verbalising her needs, so we had to be mind readers, we had to know what she wanted. And if we didn't then it was sometimes toys out of the pram time. I was always aware that it was better not to cause any disruption to the way she needed to run her life. I wasn't frightened of her, nor did I spend time wanting to please her. A "distance" between us was just the best course to take. Very sad, she had no real relationship with my two children.

@user-iq3mp5zo8z

4 ай бұрын

....... wasn't good at......

I'm very thankful that I have absolutely no experience of any of those indicators, with neither of my parents exhibiting any such signs.

I can't wait for this one

@debbiejames3096

4 ай бұрын

Same. I have a narc parent, looking forward to this.

Took me ages to figure it out. Made it worse when she was so bloody wonderful and he was most understanding and serene! And, Included to all of the above, who we should marry, too, had been an issue.

I recognize a lot of these in one of my parents, especially the interference and breaching of boundaries. As far as the breaching of boundaries is concerned, I moved to a non-English-speaking country as a young adult. This has made it very difficult for my parent to interfere with my life but has imposed the burden of an immigrant's life on me. It is very helpful to hear the behavior described so vividly here.

Sending this to so many of my friends who need it!

Excellent video HG. Thankfully my parents weren't narcissists. I do , however, suspect that my paternal grandparents and maternal grandfather were narcissists.

How would you categorize a practical joker? I had a parent who would for example occasionally hide a gummy candy in the middle of the sandwich I took to school. When I got home it would be, did you like your sandwich today? I thought much later in life that this was a form of proving superiority. I realized this when we went to see a stage show by Penn and Teller. They had this bit where the audience could come up and write their name on a large sheet of paper which was to get people to look at the box on the stage because Teller was going to emerge through it. Anyway, I went up to sign my name. Afterwords I joked and said I signed your name. This same parent who loved to play practical jokes got so pissed at me that they wouldn’t speak to me for a day ( and that is probably because 19:31 the magicians didn’t call on them though they thought it might happen). Also please note that the gummies in the sandwich was not the only practical joke. I could make up a long list.

Should I or should I not send it in the family group chat… hummm 😅

@Space_cadet0007

4 ай бұрын

I guess the narcissist (s) in your family won’t think it’s about them but the rest of the family who aren’t narcissists will know who you’re referring to

@dishonest-corset4942

4 ай бұрын

@@Space_cadet0007 Thankfully no narcs in this group chat, just my sisters, my wife and my sisters partner. No one else has an intense interest in NPD though, only me 😔

@Unknown90010

4 ай бұрын

They probably would also think you're crazy for putting it in the thread .....I say do it 😂😂😂😂

I was thinking about this today. Can’t wait

Outstanding video. Everyone should watch this to get an idea as to what their parent is like.

I don’t want to listen to this, but I’m going too. That’s because I know what I’m going to learn. I’m cheering myself up with the fact that’s it’s not about TOW

Ticks every box with regards to my mother. Narcissists just shouldn't be allowed to have children full stop! My mum dumped adult shit on my shoulders from a very young age. I didn't even know what the hell she was talking about for several years. Coupled with drinking for 14+ hours a day! Oh the joy! Nothing I said or did was ever, ever right! The guilt tripping too. Even now. "Why can't you be more like your brother?" Heard that one. Never enough money to buy me clothes. Always enough for alcohol though. Try and talk and she would turn the volume of the tv up and up to drown me out. Never liked a single boyfriend . Only ever liked my ex husband who was a raging narc who flattered and fed her ego! Any confidence my brother ever showed was deemed as arrogance and literally be beaten out of us. I had none. Still don't. Thanks to her programming I will NEVER feel good enough. "You've turned out alright." Only thanks to 3 .5 years of therapy! Now I'm 60, have no friends, no partner and trust no one. Cheers mum!

OMG it's like you've had a camera on my mother for 40 years. I've been resisting this info, even though I've talked about it in therapy and suspected it. But after recent terrible behaviour from my mother, this list rings so true. I'm ignoring her at the moment for my sanity but need to find a way to handle it to protect myself

Oh. My whole family.

Listen to Harry styles Song Matilda.. I’m sure we (survivors of narc abuse) can all relate to her character in the movie.

So educational!!!! Thank you HG so many people can go get therapy we def need it! ❤🎉

This is an excellent video and description of parent/child dynamics that could indicate the parent is a narcissist. And probably validating for those noticing many or for some all of these in their own parents OR the dynamics of those in your life …. The script can be dipped as well,IMO. Narcissist parent raises child in this manner.Years pass, the child then uses these tactics on the parent. Which is one of the dangers of a narcissistic parent expecting their child to parent them, use as an emotional sounding board for issues in their other relationships,triangulated child with others they have relationships with..all pointed out here in this video. It is extremely difficult to deal with dynamics like this when they are well established. And you wanted no involvement in these types of relationships but you find yourself in the midst of it. Very hard.Great information !

This is so great...thank you, thank you! The fake crisis.....if I had an € for each one of them...

Thank you HG for the comprehensive and concise characteristics breakdown. It certainly raises awareness and provides clarity.

As a very young girl, I remember comparing my mother to the mother's of my friends. I knew there was something different about my mother, but I couldn't figure out what. Why did the atmosphere change when she walked into a room? Why were there sudden changes in her mood? Why, when I was so bright, was I always in the wrong and somehow unable to follow her instructions? Maybe I was the incapable one. How was I going to get on in life without her? How indeed... In the end, having no answers to my questions, I saw I was fed and clothed and very lucky compared to many children, and I pushed the nagging questions about my mother being different away. I only remembered those feelings I had as a child after my first romantic ensnarement with a narcissist, more than two decades later. And finally, thanks to your work HG, questions I couldn't remember asking were answered.

My life experiences you're describing HG. Thanks for the upload on this topic!

My mother is a narcissist but can an enabling father also be a narc? And what would the signs be in this scenario?

@dianaalyssa8726

4 ай бұрын

Thomas Markle is an example of an enabling father narc. The example with her letter pretending it was answered, is a good one. Some signs were my father and grandfather saying some rubbish about being mayor of a town, despite their not being one, grandiosity off the charts. I suspect my mother is a M-MRN. Am sure there are signs. Mine will move in and throw money at me, but I'm drawn back to the nest.

@dianaalyssa8726

4 ай бұрын

I still have to declutter the home from my father's grandiosity. 1 junk car he drove over and dumped in the garage, 4 beds, 3 couches (some sleeper couches), he thought of the place as a hotel for family to visit. My mother also hoards her family's stuff came into our garage during our childhood whenever someone passed on. My mother likes to shop and collect clothes, shoes etc, She's cut back now but it's ruined 3 living spaces. I'm not perfect but my items are more cerebral and trade based. I remember as a child my parents arguing as she brought some relative's furniture into a couple car's space of the garage. The 3 car garage is storage in need of gutting. My vision is getting rid of 30 year old+ furniture at this point but I have zero attachment to any of it. While my mother might care for it, I just don't. @@bookofshadows2755

I felt like that rock as a child for my mother, though my father quite certainly was an out of control narcissist in life. Hasn't changed much as an adult the dynamic between myself and mother.

This will be useful. Can both parents be?

@izil1fe

4 ай бұрын

Yup.

@kr8882

4 ай бұрын

@@bookofshadows2755thanks will have a watch.

@kr8882

4 ай бұрын

@@bookofshadows2755thanks.

And hie thee hence to a gifted trauma therapist who understands narcissism. Recovering is likely a lifelong process (I'm 5 years in myself, but that is compounded with a for narcissist spouse as well) but every bit that you do is so worth it.

It’s so very interesting apparently I am a golden child, and should by all accounts be a raging narcissist😊

Thank you. Watching from Alaska. 10 for 10 for both.

Love this video - HG knows what makes a decent parent and what doesn't. He'd make an excellent one himself, given his insight. One thing - could a broken empath parent resemble a narcissist in some ways?

"Why are you all looking at me? I don't jump off the volcano. Mom? I'm your only daughter, you can't"😯😮

This is excellent. Thank you.

I know mine was …. 😈😈😈

This is incredible

HG, I’m wondering if you could talk about narcissist parent combinations,and if there are certain duos that go together. IE, TOW and Harry. I know you don’t think Harry is a narcissist, but he’s definitely a boy man Prince who if he was a narcissist would probably be a Victim Narcissist married to a Somatic One. I don’t feel their “children” are real, but if they were , what kind of issues would they face with this dastardly duo as their parents? I’m just………. asking for a friend. 😀

Excellent presentation Mr Tudor.

Thankyou Mr Tudor.

Thank you HG 😢😢

One of your most concise and helpful videos. Thank you again for all your material over the years. Your information and advice saved my life.

This will be very interesting. Thank you HG, for this piece of work 🤍

There's a lot of detail in this one. I listened a few times to consider it all. Very useful examples and relatable explanations. An HG classic.

Looks like my father ticks all 10...

Please please please do a takedown of that infamous "Estranged Parents" video.

This is fantastic. Thank you HG. Could you please do a 10 signs for IPPS - thanks

Thank you HG for this video, and I did consulted with you, that my mother is possibly a narcissist. I can’t run her through narc detector because I feel terribly guilty to do that. She was pulling the “guilt strings “ with me all my life, I feel even guilty to watch this video- how dare me to even think that she is a narcissist! I do love my both of my parents, and if I do no contact with mum, then I’ll lose contact with my dad ( I think part of contagion empath). I think that my childhood wasn’t perfect, but who can really say that they had a perfect childhood? I’m looking the way, that I was clean, fed, educated, not hit too much, ect. But I still have to sometimes nurse my mum and still listen to her disappointments about me, as a third girl to be born, even she desperately wanted a baby boy.

I’m a self diagnosed empath from HG’s knowledge 😊

Thank you

HG you are so insightful. I use your knowledge and guidance with my work, which is relationship based. I do wonder if one of parents are a narc but it appears not!!

My .other was a strong nar . And my husband's kids are a bunch of narc s oh well don't have to worry about the one and the others don't have enough money and full, don't see them.