My mother is a victim bully. You muster up all of your courage to ask her to stop doing something hurtful and you have practised how you'll phrase it carefully so as not to upset her but it never works, she always leaps up on the cross, right to victimhood.

@Mimi-74

5 ай бұрын

Your comment flashed up several memories from my childhood. My sister is the golden child. I am the scapegoat. It hurts to see and hear these things.

@SleepSoundsAndBabyLullabies

4 ай бұрын

Wow, this is mild compared to my childhood as the scapegoat, it's only now I've realised how twisted the triangulation really was. I had a Narcissistic mother AND a malignant Narcissistic sister and father who left.

@mosaicowlstudios

Ай бұрын

Ah yes, mine too. She drank herself to oblivion throughout my brother's wedding events, then told him that she had to be drunk because I was there and our relationship is "strained". Our relationship is strained because for over 25 years she's said devaluing and insulting things about me, and every time I tried to approach her about those things she's just gaslit me and manipulated the facts about what happened so she appears like a totally innocent victim and I'm just a horrible person who deserves for their mother to insult them and devalue them. I finally had enough and told my whole family that I don't want anything to do with them anymore. I am still reaching out to my dad occasionally, because he has actually listened and agreed that she's manipulative and controlling. But, he can't change her. He can't force her to be introspective. I've told all of them that if they want to do family therapy, that's the only way I'll engage with them anymore.

The hardest part is listening to the brother/son sniffing. Heartbreaking. I’m the scapegoat, I know just how that feels

@Ann64

7 ай бұрын

I'm so sorry,💔

@KimBouchard

5 ай бұрын

My brother was the golden child. I was the scapegoat. My sister challenged her and left when she was 17, my brother 11, and me 7.5. She finally told me she's felt guilty all this time. I reassured her we know she needed to leave to save her own life.

@SleepSoundsAndBabyLullabies

4 ай бұрын

Me too and I will no longer make excuses for my Mother after hearing this. I'm sorry I didn't record mine for a professional to listen to. The invalidation lasted until my mother died 4 years ago, I'm now embroiled in a legal battle with my sister who is entitled and grandiose off the scale! Family totally f*cked, but it never was a family, it was a game.

@traceycrawford9938

4 ай бұрын

Same.

The complete lack of warmth feels very familiar. If I hadn't`t found the video on this channel I would not have identified the narcissistic mother, simply because this is what a mother looks like to me.

8:52 Heartbreaking example 💔 of why most abused avoid asking for anything, knowing there will be cost - they condition us to avoid sharing feelings, assert boundaries or even requests.

@KimBouchard

5 ай бұрын

DO YOU WANT TO GO LIVE WITH YOUR FATHER was my mother's response to any discussion.

😢can i just say to everyone here who has narcissistic parents or/and siblings...if you can remove yourselves...it is hard, painful beyond words, but peaceful eventually..most of the time. The first few years suck. Wishing you a peaceful Christmas wherever you may be... thank you HG for helping us know we are not at fault 😢❤

@karenlynch5684

7 ай бұрын

So true. I finally removed myself from my narcissist sibling and the peacefulness is wonderful!

@ablu4347

7 ай бұрын

Going no contact today on Christmas as my gift to myself

@KimBouchard

5 ай бұрын

Oh but the peace of mind is so, so worth it.

A perfect example of how you can be abused and neglected without being beaten, tied up in a basement or sexually assaulted. Thank you for including this video on your channel. This kind of abuse is so hard to explain to significant others and their families who have never experienced it.

I stopped trying to mend the relationship with my narcissist mother after finding HG...there was no point. I feel for this woman's children as they still have to do this.

@adalineproulx9773

7 ай бұрын

Have you moved on? I think thats the hardest part is carving out your life with no mother. A mother is such an integral part of ones life. Im focusing on my children and still after many years accepting I will never have the mother i needed in my life.

@jm162

7 ай бұрын

Yes. Life goes on and I've found it a lot better without her in it. I am a mother, stepmother and now grandmother - my love and responsibilities to all of these are far greater than to someone who cannot and never has truly loved me...took a bit to understand that! There is still a little bit of me that would love to have the love from a mother - I know that can't and won't be from my own...@@adalineproulx9773

Thanks for this video. It’s my mom 💯 , the facade, fake empathy, manipulation, constantly making everything about herself, fake crying is her thing. I don’t think I’ve ever seen an actual tear, but constant goes to “crying “ when called out and challenged. My mother stole my inheritance from my grandmother, spent 160k on luxury furnishing, new veneers , new car, and when confronted, showed absolutely zero remorse. Denied it, lies about everything, plays the victim. At 43 years old, I’m finally going no contact. I never realized until I started listening to HG that my mother is a narcissist because she wasn’t obviously abusive. Stealing my inheritance from my gramma, who my mother actually hated , shows that she would betray her own children in a way I couldn’t fathom doing to my own kids. It has broken my heart!!!!

@adalineproulx9773

7 ай бұрын

Im so sorry she stole your inheritance thats horrible! They can be very materialistic. My mother got a taste of her husbands mothers inheritance and after became very materialistic. She loves helping the elderly to gain things. One time she said to me " can i have that table when you pass". I was in shock bc your children arent supposed to die first. It really opened my eyes to her character. Were just things not people.

@fastgurrrl

6 ай бұрын

that sucks your mom is such a beach.

In this video, the 'conditioning' of the matrinarc is more obvious to those who may have experienced it, the telling (statements) of how you feel instead of asking how you feel, or saying 'I observe your emotions to be....'. Thank you for this, HG 💟

@hgtudor-theultra

7 ай бұрын

Correct Skylark.

@SkylarK_x_bk_0

7 ай бұрын

@@hgtudor-theultra thank you 🤍

The utmost respect and admiration for those who endured a parental narcissist and have forged their own path to understanding and healing and a better quality of life. 💜

This shows that a narcissist does have to scream and yell and physically abuse their victims, they can just calmly and coolly say and so many words I do t care about your feelings.

@growingandlearning164

5 ай бұрын

EXACTLY.

Sometimes I would ask my mother: "Tell me about that time you adopted me." I don't know why she got angry.

@amyemerson

7 ай бұрын

😂

@1WhoCares

7 ай бұрын

Possibly because it wasn't about her.

@amyemerson

7 ай бұрын

@@1WhoCares 🤣

@BodyLanguageAnalysisInterrogat

7 ай бұрын

Brilliant 👏 😂!

I broke contact with my narcissistic mother last week after finally having proof she sold me to my brother. My brother was sexually abusing my sister (she's the golden child) and my mother knew about it. So she encouraged him to rather have me (I'm the forgotten child) by putting my brother and me in a bedroom on a family holiday where he promptly started abusing me. This was the last drop for me after a life of suffering from her behavior. I came back here to find some kind of relief. It's not working really.

@vaska1999

7 ай бұрын

It will take some time to begin to heal from all that.

@fastgurrrl

6 ай бұрын

so sick. I'm sorry.

@M0odyBlue

5 ай бұрын

Please seek professional help from a licensed therapist. This is not something that’s easy to work through alone.

@eroica8129

5 ай бұрын

@@M0odyBlue I am in therapy right now. Twice a week. Luckily she's familiar with narcissistic abuse. I feel very supported and understood :)

@hiddenhand6973

5 ай бұрын

Oh fuck that. I am very sorry. Never look back.

My mom got off on telling me everything I thought, did or said was the dumbest thing she’d ever witnessed

@Roscoe.Maples.2-9-73

7 ай бұрын

Mine too.

@davidarundel6187

7 ай бұрын

Mine compared me to her husband - my sperm donor . Any holidays , it was out to the feilds & orchards , to pick . I'm still owed wages , and birthday & Christmas money given by grand-parents or equivalent relative . Mum , was Triage Nurse, in the Ambulance service , before they went professional & brought in choppers - that didn't sit well , so both parents life experiences , had to be delt with , along with the seniors - Grand Parents , Uncles and Aunts . At the end , mum's and my relationship , wasn't disturbed , by the narcassists she married , no matter how hard they tried to erase me , it was from their lives , not the women , who wanted to know me . They knew my true nature , and could see that . Namaste 🙏👍

@davidarundel6187

7 ай бұрын

She aimed at you , her own short comings , not yours . I have neighbours like that . 🙄😂😂

@AllegedlyTarot

6 ай бұрын

Same here

I used to sit on the stairs,while my sister ,the golden child got me into trouble or told lies. I sat and waited for the belt ! She never asked me what had happened ,i just got the belt ,even though i protested it wasn’t true 😳🤦🏻‍♀️🥺😢

@maramatuku4864

7 ай бұрын

This is what happened to my husband as well. Incomprehensible. I’m so sorry

@Milady_Curtsey

7 ай бұрын

@@maramatuku4864 dreadful isn’t it ,but at least your husband and i got away from it !

My mother was the perpetual victim, and still is. Everything had to be about her. When my stepfather was dying of cancer and he was in his last days and was on morphine and in agony my mother yelled to him, “I’m tired of hearing about YOUR pain.” At that point we were both taking care of him and he deteriorated very rapidly and died a month after being diagnosed with lung cancer. He had always catered to her every “illness” and gave in to the tantrums she had in their twenty years of marriage. I think he was so worn out and exhausted dealing with her.

Wow. This sounds exactly like my x-narc, seriously; mannerism, style of dialog, and choice of words. Had to listen twice and am still not sure it's not her. I'm still not convinced, amazing. There must be such similarities in the style of conversation.

@retabety6282

7 ай бұрын

@bookofsnowpeople2755 I'll check it out. I really was not expecting to hear her exact persona and even voice, like that. She was always schooling all of us. Often picking on one and singling me or the kids out. Always had to own the conversation and could never just be. Thankyou.

"Everyone should have kids so they are not so selfish" is what my mother said. "I hope someday you have a daughter just like you, then you'll understand" irritated, taring a brush through my hair while I flinched. I was decent quiet kid, walking on eggshells. Mom repeatedly tells us "she loves us and we were the best thing that happened to her. You have it better than other kids, whose parents don't give them rules, their parents don't care about them. Be obidedient!" She is loving but I got alot mixed messaging, micromanaging, yelling, passive-aggressive comments, drama, silent treatments and mocking. Her and my father say, "what did we do? Were we such bad parents that none of our kids had children?" So yes, none of us kids had kids. Why would I want kids since I was a bummer? I have had a narc dectector, I need to complete it. Appreciate your incredible insight and info. So glad I did the Empath and Trait dectector. Ironically, my mom didn't want kids originally & was afraid as she knew a woman who died giving birth. I do feel bad for my mom, being so scared and my dad talking her into it, but in the end, she was happy and they would have had more kids. I knew there was something not quite right about me, found out I had ADHD (non-hyper), low energy. As an adult I also believe I've had depression and rejection sensitivity even in childhood. Finding out my empathic and narricistic traits was so helpful. Almost 50, I am trying to figure things out.

My stepmother used to threaten me with needing to be on the streets so I could "see just how good I had it".

It sucks being the scapegoat! My heart goes out to this Son! I really hope the Son is coping OK emotionally after these confusing mind games and gaslighting! The Son and the Daughter seem very upset being pitted against each other by the Mother. This is a very sad but unfortunately common situation. Hugs to the Son!!!

This is really a perfect example of the mid range mother. Probably middle mid range type A

I tell this story for what it is worth. A girl once wanted to be my friend. Her mother asked to get to know my mother over coffee so that I could come over to her house to play or so that her daughter could come over to my house to play. My mother proceeded to tell the girl’s mother that she was shitty parent because her daughter took average classes earning average grades and then dug into the woman’s marriage because her husband worked with his hands and they didn’t have a luxury car and a nice enough house. My mother then turned to me and asked me if I agreed with her. I replied that the girl was nice and her mother seemed nice too. For the sin of embarrassing my mother in public with that response, I endured a night of yelling and being hit. I put that event from my childhood out there for some perspective to the posters trying to excuse the mother’s reaction. Implying that maybe the son did something heinous and throwing him out of the house is justified. Narc mommies like my mother and this one are notorious to their victims for having skin as thin as rice paper. Most likely, the son did nothing to warrant the punishment he is enduring.

Thank you HG, this was enlightening. I hope you will post more of these videos. They are invaluable for me to learn and understand the different manipulative behaviours, especially the more subtle ones. It’s easy to understand that violence towards a child is abuse, but much more difficult to understand how these supposedly well meaning behaviours are also abusive.

This women wants her parenting to be made easy for her. She choose to have children. She does not want any responsibility. She does bail!

All I could hear from that mother was “Me, me, me, I, I, I….”. No comfort, care or understanding for the kids at all.

Thank you HG for providing another valuable learning experience. Explaining the interactions in this particular example of the parental narcissist and the two children (golden child and scapegoat) involved , is an excellent tool to aid in understanding the narcissistic dynamic.

An early Christmas & BD present. Thank you. She pitted everyone against the scapegoat, and through decades of correspondence, I finally am vindicated. May she RIP. Ha.

My mother drank herself to oblivion during my brother's wedding events, and then told him that she had to be drunk because I was there and our relationship is "strained". Thanks, mom. Hearing that she did that, that she blamed her horrible drunken behavior on me, was one of the most hurtful things I've heard anyone say about me. And that person is my mom. I've since gone "no contact" and I don't speak to her or my siblings anymore. I still reach out to my dad, as he is the only one who has been able to recognize how I'm treated/regarded in the scapegoat role and consistently blamed for things.

This sounds really familiar. Too familiar. Also this is very important

Yes!! I am so happy to see u highlighting this. Some of this is what i was doing to my sons when they were younger. 😢 Instead of just letting us cool down and realizing my older son was in distress and needing me. I have learned in therapy that when he was acting out, it was bc subconsciously he was trying to get my attention and bc i would pay attention when he acted out, even though it was negative attention, he took it. And i was doing this sh.t right here .... my issue was i had no positive example for how to handle things properly but since i was the invisible child, just got yelled and "spanked" and reminded i was disappointing to God, i did not want to do that to them but i had no tools for myself that i could teach them .... i just knew i wanted his pain to stop so mine could .... i would overanalyze everything and try to get him to, as my mom told us, build a bridge and get over it .... but i wanted to see him get over it .... and if i had had any self awareness at that time, i would have known that OF COURSE we cant just get over it when you dont even know what to get over. I started late changing the way i interact with them .... but of course, core memories happen during those most early years and i cant expect everything to be perfect i overnight. I mean, they are .... perfect to me .... for all they have been through, my sons, at 20 and 22 yrs old are hard working kind young men. I am proud of them and know that their children, if there be any in their future, will be lucky .... they recognize that our family has generational curses and they actively seek to make sure it does not continue .... not to any of the children in our family. We just have to be to our children what we wish our parents had been to us. ❤

I had to watch/listen in stages as it was triggering.

Hope those kids get away soon. Thank-you HG for your stellar work!

This is so familiar....so sad... debilitating. I hope the son gets out and gets over this abuse. I'm stuck with my mum.... My sister does nothing....it's up to me. It's slowly killing me but I can't see a way out....on her own she causes dramas.

The mother doesn’t really want the son to move out. She can abuse him more if he lives with her. This is emotional abuse. The mother is bringing her son under control with the threat of kicking him out. I noticed the accents. I think they’re in America. Her son is seventeen years old. The mother cannot kick out her son until he is eighteen. To do so earlier is illegal.

Wow, in that context, my mum is a severe type narcissist, I never thought of her in that way before

Oooh so triggering. My mom did the same. Push through it. Get over it. Your feelings don’t matter. It’s important to see but oooh hard to watch. My brother and I were put against each other always.

And several years later the mother will have a channel for estranged parents on KZread and TikTok and she'll be wondering why their children don't want to have anything to do with her, since she as such a dream mommy. And the scene is all too well knon...it happened zillion times in our living room.

Oh gawd this looks like my narc mother 😳 should be interesting. We've not talked in over a year.

Listening to the video is hell to me. Hence, my mother, father, and my sister are malignant narcissists, and I was the scapegoat. I said it was because I moved to another continent to get away from my son, who is a narcissist psychopath.Now, I am living in peace ✌️ .

HG, THANK YOU! 🤩🙏⭐️ Your work and presentation is just BRILLIANT! Utterly comprehensive, entertaining, and unlike any others data (I’m aware of), by perceiving and presenting as a Narcissist, it gives a unique and invaluable additional angle for our education and development. Forever grateful, CX ❤️🙏

I like the new intro. Very atmospheric.

I am guessing the son likely did or said something that was considered disrespectful to the mom, but it’s not clear what he did so wrong that he’s being considered to be kicked out of the house.

@indiaandrews6996

6 ай бұрын

The son probably did nothing. Marc mom’s are notorious for having skin so thin they make rice paper look like alligator hide.

This is a valuable analysis. Not all narcissists are violent, but they all use words to meet the prime aims, especially control.

@elizabethmadron1336

7 ай бұрын

That was my mother. She withheld affection from me because I was born premature and cost the family a ton of money. I was the scapegoat. I also looked like my FATHER. I think this has a lot to do with it. She lavished affection on my brother who was born 3 years later at full term and LOOKED LIKE HER. My grandmother (her mother) was also a narcissist. She put my uncle on a pedestal. He looked just like her. My mother was the scapegoat. She looked like my grandfather. HG is there anything to this?

My mom to a t. Poor poor child....

My mum did this she could never empathize. It was always someone else out there has it worse than you. Well that in itself is the inability to validate feelings. HG you shouldve been a psychologist! Honestly if you wouldve said these things in my sessions with my mum it wouldve been such an eye opener! The sessions wouldve ended sooner tho because my mother would not of liked hearing the truth 😂

@VikSapphireH

7 ай бұрын

My mum cannot validate feelings too. On top of that she always needs acknowledging and will force it, e.g. an apology when you got angry after she misbehaved or a hug, although she never hugs you. The sad thing is I only realized that after having a whiny victim narc bf, who acted quite similar and always told me to toughen up whenever I was sad.

@adalineproulx9773

7 ай бұрын

​@@VikSapphireHsame thing with me i had looked up another narcissists behaviours which opened up the fact my mother was a narcissist. I had no clue what a narcissist was before that.

@VikSapphireH

7 ай бұрын

@@adalineproulx9773 kinda sad that you just never know until someone comes along, because it’s just normal

I'm abit late coming to this post but I'm sure that in the africa interview where, "Its been hard, thankyou for asking" Im sure the wife made some sort of reference to having to leave because she didnt want her son growing up seeing his mother upset....Ive never been a parent but I would have thought teaching your kid life skills was your job not using your child as your therapist. Very insightful series.....

Thank you thank you HG

Thanks for the practical example, HG.

"Watch a Narcissist In Action" is a good place to start with HG's work, if I were just starting. It has resonated with me viscerally, and is helping me to gain even more clarity on the different phases of my own relevant experience.

Can soooooo relate to this!!

Pity Play starts around 5:40 "...certain narcissists will reinvent history of how they were treated by a parent ... to engender sympathy from the Listener. Such sympathy denotes control and provides fuel..." That segment is a real gem that resonates with me for my own reasons. I wonder if my personal insight below will resonate with other people who were raised in Christianity from childhood. or not. I certainly will offend... This has been my vulnerable point - after all I learned to use my "natural empathy" and nurturing in Sunday School to be self-sacrificing and "do unto others..."..."and look how much JC suffered and sacrificed for our sins..." Or is my assessment off base? (Help HG's algorithms.)

Brillante , gracias HG

How did you get a video of my childhood HG ? Seriously though, it totally rings true, except I was like the son, the Scapegoat and my sibling the golden child.Sad all around really. x

Awesome, can we get an example of what should have happened. I'm sure we've all had frustrations with other people .

HG, TY appreciate you🙏 Have you heard this double-bind, gaslighting, passive-aggressive statement "Everyone should have kids so they are not so selfish" is what my mother said. "I hope someday you have a daughter just like you, then you'll understand" irritated, taring a brush through my hair while I flinched. I was decent quiet kid, walking on eggshells. Mom repeatedly tells us "she loves us and we were the best thing that happened to her. You have it better than other kids, whose parents don't give them rules, their parents don't care about them. Be obedient!" She is loving but I got alot mixed messaging, micromanaging, yelling, passive-aggressive comments.

@iolandagirleanu9006

7 ай бұрын

Lol, same. She wished me two kids like me. I sure hope I have two kids that will turn out like me. ❤

Thank you, HG

Escape the matriNarc. Be free, get out stay out for life. The matriNarc feeds off its children.

Mate! You would have a field day with me 😂 So superior in her words,I fed each sentence back to her which she confirmed in the positive, confirming are you sure?! yes she responded,I was gone!!! She shit all over her shoes 😂 now she drags her recent victims all outside my gated home, all numbers were changed the next day,no contact ever anymore 😊

Interesting...my narc mother seems almost cartoonish by comparison. Might be a generational difference. She would never engage in this type of conversation. If you complained about anything, she would say "you need more exercise," or "you need to eat better," or you are missing a vitamin. That would be the end of whatever is your concern, and she would move on to a more cheery topic relating to herself. I don't think I ever saw her exasperated, she didn't pay attention to us for very long. She was actually quite pleasant to be around.

Watching this video thinking "wow this is all so mild" but still considered abusive, I wonder what level/kind of narcissist my mother would be considered then cus she's like 10 x worse than this

Im glad you mentioned youd seen more material about this mother because we of course dont know the full story. Based on the clip i do see the narc traits in this mother.I alao thought midrange. Theyre so unaware of what they do or what they are.

Mine is the Queen of DARVO.

I can see some similarities to my Mum, who has no boundaries and always smears me to the entire family. Want to go no contact, but since she is a lawyer she might disinherit or sue me.

HG, is this case that you have further evidence for?

Sounds like Michael Myers breathing in the closet at the end lol

Is it just me, or is this mother Mary Poppins compared to my own? Sure she’s making it about herself, and not comforting her daughter, but had I ever talked like this to my mom, her ignited fury would have exploded. She would have hit below the belt, and jeered me for feeling bad in the first place. Mine was absolutely terrible, but one thing I will say, she certainly prepared me for the narcs I would meet later in life as romantic partners. I’d be like, I don’t mind you bullying, but you are just so BAD at it. You think I’m going to cry at THIS? Puh leez 🙄

@indiaandrews6996

6 ай бұрын

It’s not a competition.

What did the son do? If he is out there committing crimes, was he violent ? ? Was he doing drugs, selling drugs , flunking out of school? Did he hit his mother? Or was it an argument or normal teenage rebellion/ disagreement. Today many teens often are the abusers and cause great upset in the family. This mom seems calm. Mom should not use daughter as middleman ever. “ what’s not acceptable?”

I’m not sure about this. The mother/son relationship is in difficulty but we don’t know why. It is unfortunate he’s being ‘put down’ by two females. A current negative trend. I don’t feel able to judge this Mother or possible outcomes there might be, based on just hearing this. Parenting is hard & there’s often a lack of positive supportive influence. ‘Talking about’ someone (son/brother) instead of talking to/with them is key here. They might benefit from family therapy but we’re living through peculiar times & such sessions are a luxury.

This is my mother spot on, my two brothers and my sister and I all left home young between the ages of 18 and 20. My father suffered the most from her, it was terrible, he couldn't do anything right in her eyes 🥹 he was very calm and super sweet and stayed with her until his death! Now that I follow HG I understand that I fell into the hsnds of my first Narc at the age of 20 and Lower midrange

@AllegedlyTarot

6 ай бұрын

My mother is a narcissist, why I dont have any contact with her