Do Not tell them anything!!!!

Never tell them anything personal, they will twist it and throw it in your face and use it against you, when they're angry!

@TheWitchofWhiteTailHollow

4 жыл бұрын

Yes they will

@tinlaa7519

3 жыл бұрын

Yes, very true.. Its their ammo

@luvmytrees

3 жыл бұрын

Unfortunately I learned that too late. I didn’t know what narcissism was years ago just knew about it only 3 years ago. I have done this and we’re married for 24 years. Just recently he threw something in my face in an argument about something I told him over 23 years. Wow, what a jerk. I’m at a point that I can only take so much and he’s getting worse. I want to leave him.

@zinaabdi5743

3 жыл бұрын

Sure they will

@kimberly1221

3 жыл бұрын

Exactly

They are masters at being two totally different people in public as opposed to behind closed doors. Jekyll and Hyde syndrome at it's finest.

@user-wz4bz2fn6s

3 ай бұрын

Mother wore many masks.

I’ve been a Psychiatric Nurse in Canada for 30yrs & I can honestly say Dr Carter provides Sound & Insightful techniques to help manage your interactions with these difficult people, while respecting both them & Yourself. Thank You Dr Carter. Well done. ❤️

@SurvivingNarcissism

4 жыл бұрын

Thanks, Kerrie. That means a lot! Dr. C

@kesmarn

4 жыл бұрын

I'm an RN in the US, as well. Haven't worked a psych unit since my student days, but as you know, there are any number of mental health issues that arise on other units too. Dr. C's videos are really practical understandable -- not to mention full of compassion. Sooo helpful.

@bertzerker747

4 жыл бұрын

@@kesmarn They rely on your impulses. Sometimes if you make that 'wrong mistake', it can turn into a big one. Would I prefer to deal with a diagnosed NPD'ed person or from the general run of the mill narcissists of crazies out there?, betcha these skills are paramount. I just wonder how I made it this far so far, really. Great regard for the survivor, in all situations 🙏

@judybunch160

4 жыл бұрын

I absolutely agree with you. Dr. Carter is SO on point. He has helped me tremendously, and I never looked back. Dr. C. Is a gift from God , to “save” people.♥️

@bertzerker747

4 жыл бұрын

@@judybunch160 sure, we can give up on ourselves even our own minds and live with failures but we must not ever give up on the good of those who mean good for everyone. Through all disorder, we're still here and we can still remain attuned with simply being. Good for you Judy and thanks for your peace and protection. ♥️

They don't see a relationship. They see a transaction. Thank you for helping me put my finger on it!

@codycocommunications4206

11 ай бұрын

Ive seen that now I have words for it

Just remember they will have a constant battle to devalue you and break your spirit. Don't take them serious

@nancyalywahby2784

3 жыл бұрын

This constant battle to devalue is not all the time. I have started to tell him outright that what he said was insulting, and I believe he honestly had no idea. This has helped..

@mireadossantos4610

3 жыл бұрын

It's not easy to ignore their insults. It hurts to much. Sometimes I just have to unswer back even knowing that's what they want, can't help myself.

@mireadossantos4610

3 жыл бұрын

I'm already broken. I can't find away out.

@makymare5380

2 жыл бұрын

@@mireadossantos4610 Psam51:17;- The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise!!bless

@maxinedavieds8102

2 жыл бұрын

So true. If you drop,your guard , you’ll pay the price of their mean, horrible behavior.

Rule number one: plan your escape without blowing your cover.

@TheWitchofWhiteTailHollow

4 жыл бұрын

I did!

@wisconsinfarmer4742

4 жыл бұрын

Would you be willing to tell your story? For those who feel trapped who have posted. I remember the feeling. It was like in the middle of a beating you don't even feel the beating because your plan is taking shape and you are focused on the doorway and peace.

@lxraycatmaui2884

3 жыл бұрын

I feel so trapped.

@tootienottoofruitie1726

3 жыл бұрын

Escape from Alcatraz ❗😊

@wisconsinfarmer4742

3 жыл бұрын

@@tootienottoofruitie1726 Unfortunately, that is the way it is for some, especially women involved with domineering males.

I’ve lived with my husband for 13 years, married 10 and I never knew the term narcissist until now. His abuse is almost daily and if it weren’t for Dr Les Carter I don’t know where I’d be. I used to watch Alfred Hitchcock’s movie Gaslight because I could relate to how Ingrid Bergman was ‘gaslighted’. So sad that I had no tools until now. I can’t see a way out yet but I find clarity in each instance because of Dr Carter, which is comforting for me.

@madisonandthespirits

2 жыл бұрын

It’s never too late, I’ve been with mine for over 10 years too…I’ve just recently separated from him…gaining my power back

@hydebrown1805

2 жыл бұрын

I've been here + 30 years.. Tried several times and ways over the years. God has perfect timing hang in there!!

@abutterfly7975

2 жыл бұрын

Me too.

@song8777

2 жыл бұрын

@Sergio Gonzalez She lives at Nunya Biznis

@thefonz1589

2 жыл бұрын

21 years here...

"Immature Bully" is the perfect way to describe someone with NPD. Why are we so stupid to try to have a relationship with them?

@mushroommagic1697

2 жыл бұрын

People get in relationships with narcs because narcs have an amazing power to hipnotize others.

@n0426

2 жыл бұрын

You don’t get into it. it was always there. You just had to revaluate it from the start to know for sure it was never real to begin with. Sorry but they are just bad actors. Stay safe.

@Malayalikada

2 жыл бұрын

Absolutely correct.... Lisa

@jeanetteshawredden5643

2 жыл бұрын

Lisa, usually they tricked us in the beginning with their "masks" + "love bombing". Once the mask comes off and they are in full blown N mode - hopefully we recognize it and are able to get away from them one way or another.

@iys6890

Жыл бұрын

They are excellent bullshitters!

Immature bully & transactional...describes my marital relationship. I feel like I'm living with a petulant child who acts out in ways designed to force me to engage with him. I spend so much energy trying to "handle" him & demonstrate to my kids what healthy looks like so neither of them becomes the miserable person he is...because he has a gaping hole inside that no one or thing can fill.

One thing (of so many ) is my Narc is so amazingly kind , thoughtful & respectful to others . He is well thought of by everyone he interacts with . So “I” am THE ONE that he mistreats, disrespects , etc

@vicbaker8367

4 жыл бұрын

So you cannot even tell anyone about your issues, right? Because no one could possibly believe you. And if you do share something he said to you, the person you are telling has a difficult time believing ANYONE would say something that heartless. And if you object to being treated that way, he says he was joking, or better yet, that he didn’t say that. You must be making it up? Or, ..... “ So? Why don’t you drop the subject?” Everyone likes him, what’s wrong with you? Yep, sigh, I’m walking that path too. Dr. Carter has given me the strength to reconsider the path I’m on. Hope he can help you too.

@jameemaree4602

4 жыл бұрын

Same. I think it’s that way for many of us. Hence why we are captive in their prisons

@debraybarra5669

4 жыл бұрын

I can relate -

@redpilled5830

4 жыл бұрын

Same here! What I say to myself is "you have no idea the monster this punk is"!

@CoachTaraTucker

4 жыл бұрын

I can relate. My husband is ”Mr. Nice guy” everywhere outside of our home. People don't truly know him. And I don't think people would believe how he is at home. He's ok as long as I ”listen” and ”agree” with him. He's great at accepting praise, and can in no way receive criticism. I am ”always at fault” for any issue that arises. It's exhausting. But I've protected his reputation for so long. Why did I enable this behavior? That's where I am now; trying to figure myself out.

A steady, awakened mind is the best safeguard against immature bullies.

@bertzerker747

4 жыл бұрын

Awakened mind, and in the case of the jerks, a-wank-in-mind. This sofa is lol

@bertzerker747

4 жыл бұрын

Safeguards, is that really tai-bo?

@lisabeaumont

4 жыл бұрын

Immature bullies - yes, that’s exactly right.

1. Don’t ascribe normalcy to them 2. Stay neutral to self-revelations 3. Drop any presumption regarding their loyalty 4. Drop the expectation that they will uphold their end in relationships/You are a transaction 5. Refuse to become involved in power plays / They have to be dominant 6. Never try to justify yourself 7. Make room psychologically for their jerk behavior 8. Don’t plead for or expect an apology / They are consummate takers 9. Try not to take their behavior personally 10. Plan in advance how you will manage yourself in their presence

Sick and tired of falling for the fake apologies, and allowing myself to fall for the manipulation for so long. Makes me feel like I AM the problem when I know it’s not me - it’s their behavior and mindset

@billiebenefield6020

Жыл бұрын

Don't worry too much about the fake apologies, experience has shown me that after awhile they don't bother with an apology, fake or otherwise.

I advise everyone to listen to this one more than one time to absorb all of Dr. C’s precise information! Well done, Dr. C!

@fibroflash

4 жыл бұрын

Took notes

@wildhorses6817

4 жыл бұрын

Yes, this is Valuable information !

@MysticGwen

3 жыл бұрын

Always 🖖

@MegaMARLEEN1

3 жыл бұрын

Yes i think this is one of the best videos. I find it sogood to follow your work dr Carter. I am happy and pleased to be one of your followers.

@lynnfincham6839

3 жыл бұрын

Absolutely ... xx

I have only one rule: cut off al your contacts / disconnect with such a person, don't look back and move on, start living (again). We all deserve so much better. Good luck to you all in your journey.

@bertzerker747

4 жыл бұрын

At one time I had developed an amoral stance that; the only rule was no rules at all. That was after I entered the can of fruitloops. Disengage, then your parameters are still available for re-engagement. Disconnecting seems to me like hanging-up on ines-self. Paths are where we find and as you might infer. All will be waiting.

@rainbo42

4 жыл бұрын

But what if is your aging parent and you are their only child?

@MT-bc1we

4 жыл бұрын

@@rainbo42 It is your choice.

@venusrising6554

4 жыл бұрын

@Fun lovin bloke- Absolutely ! The narcissist has no "rights" to your life. You are under no obligation to tolerate their behavior. THEY are responsible for that behavior. Dr. Carter said "That's just the way they are". Ok - They can be that way without your company. You have a right to protect yourself. I have lived through this. I felt almost instantly better when I took this approach. I respected the narcissist family member's right to go about their own life. I made the choice to stop associating with them and tolerating their negative effect on mine. Good luck to all in this very difficult journey.

@venusrising6554

4 жыл бұрын

@Irene Harper- The comments I made above are in reference to dealing with a parent. When their behavior became abusive, I told them calmly I wouldn't tolerate it. I was leaving. We could speak again when and if they could treat me with respect. And I left. You can call for "wellness checks" to the authorities if necessary. There are ways to guard their safety. Their behavior improved. I didn't say it was easy. It was necessary for my own well being. Good Luck.

"You are a transaction", not in a relationship. "They have to stay on top", power plays. Dont rationalize with them. Expect them to be a jerk....spot on.

I’ve lived all my life with Narcs. For 52 years. I barely survived. I was so disconnected from my true self, it’s unbelievable. Now that I’m beginning to understand Narcissism, there’s no way I’m going to put myself through any of that madness again. No more Narcs for me. I have gone No Contact with all the energy vampires who were zapping my life force and am finally able to heal and look forward to a fulfilling and meaningful life😊. Peace and strength to everyone!

@bonniebernstein9783

4 жыл бұрын

I’m

@stankochman2558

4 жыл бұрын

54 years for me Nelumbo. When I cut off all contact with my malignant narc I slowly but surely felt like a ten ton hammer had been lifted from just over my head. Funny thing is I don't even miss my narc father. My brother however may be getting drawn back into his manipulation; sending him a link to this very post so he can protect himself. My best to everyone.

@bmoremom8458

4 жыл бұрын

Wonderful! It is liberating to live your authentic self.

@littlecookie6636

4 жыл бұрын

Nelumbo, I’m for you! I was 64 when I was finally able to completely cut myself off from the narcissists in my life. I’m free and becoming myself more and more. No more narcissistic relationships. Thank God!

@marywilsonvocalist2181

4 жыл бұрын

What beautiful words.

I love the analogy that an alligator will never be a bunny rabbit! Thanks so much Dr C.

@loekiekanters4295

2 жыл бұрын

Beware for the rabbit hole ...

@Shellorena

Жыл бұрын

Laughed a little too long at that one. Ouch.

So basically don't engage and put too much effort into that person. It's definitely hard not to let them get to you. They definitely know what buttons to push and are looking for a reaction. Sometimes I can refrain from reacting and other times I can't. I don't like who I am around them. I'm not like this around other people. I can have normal conversations and not feel like I'm competing with someone to be heard. It also drives me crazy how they have to be right all of the time. Even if you have experienced something, they still know better. Makes you want to scream.

@juliesmithson5726

2 жыл бұрын

they mistake opinions for facts.

Dr. Carter, THANK YOU for recognizing that some of us are stuck in our situations with these awful people and *can't* just leave. In my own case, my health is too poor to work full time and I have mountains of student loans. Unfortunately, the stress of living with her is making me sicker by the day. (My money's on Adrenal Fatigue). Moving out is a pipe dream for me, so I need to know how to deal with my CN sister right now, until that glorious day when I can pack up and leave. Too many well-meaning people, even some professionals, say "The only way is to leave and cut them out. Go no contact." As if it's that easy. Thanks for understanding this gray area of reality. I'll be tuning in for sure.

@chinookvalley

4 жыл бұрын

I live a life of destitution, but I'm no longer with the narc. i would have never gotten better if I had stayed. In fact, I think I would have died (or been killed). See if your county Dept of Human Services can help you get Medicaid and Sect 8 rent assistance. There are resources to help you live on your own. Don't give up.

@phoenixrising8007

4 жыл бұрын

NC is idealistic but not realistic for many of us. I was able to go NC with narc mum but not with narc bf for example. It’s easier said than done but low contact and staying neutral can be a start. I find it’s easier to manage the withdrawal with baby steps in certain situations. Keep in mind, different strokes for different folks. People’s intentions are good but you know your situation and what’s best for you 💪🏼❤️

@Cinemagoer_64

4 жыл бұрын

chinookvalley that’s good to know I’m job hunting.

@Cinemagoer_64

4 жыл бұрын

Sunset Drive dr c dignity respect civility!

@TheNikki284

4 жыл бұрын

chinookvalley Thank you so much for your great suggestions. I never would have thought of that- I've been so hyper-focused on my sister's behavior that I wasn't able to think outside the box. I'm very happy for your freedom from the narc; you've certainly earned it. Thank you for passing your knowledge into me. I'm wishing you all the best💛

Be careful about any complaining you might do around them. They will often file it away, then bring it up to smear you later. For example, say you go to visit a relative but the drive is long and unpleasant and you innocently say something about it to the narc, not meaning any ill will toward the relative. Months later, the narc will tell the relative that you hate driving to go see them implying that you don't want to see the relative or otherwise bringing negativity or a question mark to the relationship with your relative.

#7 "Make room psychologically for their 'jerk' behavior" especially encouraged me. Sometimes, a 'jerk' moment seems to pop out of nowhere, and I have wondered, "Where in the world did that come from?" I used to think I had missed a link somewhere, but now I realize there doesn't have to be a link.

@wisconsinfarmer4742

4 жыл бұрын

I think somewhere in the body of work, there is a line, "adopt the 'whatever' internal response". When you find yourself reliably doing this your narc has lost.

My husband will attempt to gaslight me and then when his desired outcome is not realized, will accuse me of "not fully listening to him". My response in these situations has shifted from defending myself and apologizing to calmly replying that I am a separate person and I have a different thought process and way of interpreting what he said. It annoys him, but I am much calmer as a result and the situation de-escalates more quickly. It takes practice to do this, but so far it has worked like a charm!

@bertzerker747

4 жыл бұрын

I recognize the sense of entitlement where you are obliged to conform to his sences of reasoning/rationale. Dr Carter repeats that the narc . can't make acceptance to blame or critisizm, perhaps due to entitlement that they are the authority. When you are actually supplying him during these times (no blame on your part), this is when you should use the plan strategy. It might seem scheming to the balanced person but it is (theoretically) a way actually to stay postured when engaging with narcs in general. That's just the way I'm getting the bigger picture.

@kesmarn

4 жыл бұрын

I like your idea of reminding him that you are a separate person with a different thought process. Because they really don't get that. They think of you (or any of us) as another appendage -- like an extra arm or leg, or set of eyes and ears. Sort of a grandiose "I am everything/everyone and everything/everyone is me" take on things. You actually have to inform them that you are not them. (They? Whatever.)

@susanmadison6466

4 жыл бұрын

Yes...i handled my husband the same way towards the end. It drove him crazy.

@hannelorehutton3643

4 жыл бұрын

My husband had misplaced some money. First he suspected our cleaning lady having taken it. Then he insisted that he had told me where he put it. When I said no, he had not, he said, “you don’t even know your name, if someone asks you.” I felt my reaction of insult, took a deep breath, remembered your advice, not to take it personally, and stayed silent. An hour later he had found it and gestured to me that he had. I again stayed quiet and texted him, that he owed mean apology for insulting me. I was totally detached from the outcome. He actually did at first and then backtracked and the twisting of the truth started. Again I did not react. Thank you, Dr. Carter for the invaluable lessons your videos provide. I am getting better at managing the NARCISSIST. My self-life is healthy and strong. He is my lesson to value and love me and surround myself with healthy and loving people.

@raccuia1

4 жыл бұрын

Swimmin Wit Da Fishies, and you are still with this criminal why?

1. Don't ascribe normalcy to a narcissist. 2. Stay neutral in self revelation. 3. Do not presume loyalty. 4. Do not expect a narcissist to hold up his end of the relationship. 5. Do not be drawn into power plays. 6. Do not justify, explain your behavior. 7. Make room psychologically for their "jerk" behavior. 8. Do not expect an apology. 9. Try not to expect them to change. 10. Plan in advance how you want to manage yourself. An awakened mind is your best safeguard.

Excellent advice here. If you must engage with a narcissist, determine what your behavior will be in advance. Stick to it and do not react to their non-normalcy. Long term they are manipulators - always.

@vals74

4 жыл бұрын

Meg Gallucci - what about when you are not expecting an engagement and they catch you off-guard? That seems to be when I lose it 😡

@bertzerker747

4 жыл бұрын

The only way to be sure they are a narcissist could take more than ten simple steps. People are thinking how far you might go with this person until you truly know. By then they might have amassed more knowledge about you than even you know about yourself. Some call them clinical pathologists. Doesn't matter if they lie. That can make it seem more than outright frustrating, by then you are their backseat passenger. Who said there'd be any intimacy involved? Escape plan,,?

@l.5832

3 жыл бұрын

No matter how I rehearse he'd always come up with something completely unexpected and worse than I would ever imagine a human to stoop to. Fortunately I am divorced now....

@angelawade1445

Жыл бұрын

@@vals74 we must always expect it.

Every conversation is a competition to a narcissist. The only way to stay sane is to refuse to compete.

They're not fun on the phone or in-person, you feel tense, you feel as though you're are strategizing a war. They speak of loyalty but you receive none.

I gotta learn to forgive . Hate is a poison that destroys the vessel in which its carried.

@SurvivingNarcissism

4 жыл бұрын

Yes...don't let them rob you of your best traits. Dr. C

@thorvaldmelum9877

3 жыл бұрын

For give for sure. Like Grandpa said, " Changing one letter will give peace. You can be 'Bitter' or be 'Better'. Thanking Dr. C for validation. What a wise man.

Don't even try to survive..... it is NOT worth it. JUST LEAVE !!!! ..... PERIOD!

@Keachybean

4 жыл бұрын

At least with a boss you have a shot at them being ‘normal’, maybe even great. But your narcissist will always be hanging over you if you stay.

@vj563

4 жыл бұрын

Yeah money is a big issue. This is also good for kids that have to live in a home with a narcissist. I grew up with one and I'm so glad now that I'm older I don't have to deal with them. I wish back then I knew what narcissism was and how to respond to it.

@bertzerker747

4 жыл бұрын

@@vj563 That's fine V. We all use our instincts at some time or other. The narc's instincts 'seem' to be invalid to the interests of others. Always helps to live long enough to tell the tail.

@bertzerker747

4 жыл бұрын

Can't say what the transaction really is in every case (protect your pin number), seems like more of a scramble if you don't put a plan in place.

@bertzerker747

4 жыл бұрын

@@Keachybean You might find a great boss that wants to invalidate you anyway. Your choice how to use the cash...

Once you’ve noticed their toxic patterns, if you must interact respond like an adult with grace. Remind yourself that They are immature children in adult bodies, this helps me not get infuriated.

@carole3629

4 жыл бұрын

Well put!

@bertzerker747

4 жыл бұрын

Yeah, they're all living in baskets or bassinetts but want to use your rattle by tacking it away from you. What more can they possibly expect?

@martyminer828

4 жыл бұрын

Yeah! Here's some grace for ya,,,,"Whatever!",,,,,AND CLOSE THE DOOR....LOL

@vj563

4 жыл бұрын

The issue I have is that they're calculating and know exactly what they're doing. That's manipulative and evil.

@catblack4091

4 жыл бұрын

Bingo! Sanity saver!

This is my second relationship with a narcissist and I wish I could have Dr. Carter information 20 years ago.You are helping me a lot THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart 💜

@bertzerker747

4 жыл бұрын

Nothing like finding a bit of pedigree in psychopathy. Why must it be your relationship? Second to none...

@debbiesinclair160

4 жыл бұрын

Yes I'm hearing you. I tried 4 times with the same man who kept telling me he had changed but NO... he was still the same. I too wished I was aware of Dr Carter 40 years ago. He has helped me see sense and realization of a narc. They never ever change Good luck to everyone who is healing 😊

@bertzerker747

4 жыл бұрын

@@debbiesinclair160 Once, twice four times a narcissist. No, not in decades,,,

@bertzerker747

4 жыл бұрын

@@debbiesinclair160 Four parts to the heart. Boundaries over all...

@clusterbfreekarynsmith2190

4 жыл бұрын

Me too. 33 yrs escaping month of May 2020.

¹⁰sept: 1:30 don't ascribe normalcy to ... 2:28 stay neutral in ...self-revelations 3:28 drop presumptions for Loyalty 4:18 drop expectation that...will uphold 5:21 refuse to be drawn into pwr plays... 6:45 refrain from rationalizing ur behav... 7:35 make room for 'jerk' behavior 8:16 don't plead or expect an apology 9:14 try not to take their...... personally 10:21 plan in advance....manage yourself

@Peanuts76

2 жыл бұрын

they never apology...

@rahrahrobbbieee

Жыл бұрын

Thanks.

Thank you Dr. Carter. Harsh reality...Don’t believe they love you, they don’t, don’t believe they’ll be loyal they won’t.

@martyminer828

4 жыл бұрын

@@chriswyma145 Snap! Snap! With TEETH....SMH....I'm DONE!

I always had to be neutral with him in order to get along I couldn't talk about what I really thought about him what I really feel about him and what a hypocrite he is but I got tired of being neutral because the whole relationship in itself was just totally plastic and I wanted something real not plastic

@amandawahl9325

3 жыл бұрын

Right and the Narcs don't know how to deal with real people

@tinlaa7519

3 жыл бұрын

Thats what i went trough. I Fake emotions so that the narc would feel better. At first, i show my emotions, i give opinions but she just uses it as ammo. She would create an issue so that we would fight and then threw it on my face. After a few times like that, i learn to fake emotions, and just agree with her opinions and her way. Its like im not myself anymore, i lost my real self. After i left, i felt better.

Dr. Carter your info is saving MY MIFE & SANITY. Escaping from 33 years captivity in Honolulu very soon.

@bookworm8792

4 жыл бұрын

Good luck! Be strong. Stay calm.

@mbm3099

4 жыл бұрын

Never look back👍

@kayorourke3348

4 жыл бұрын

Well said i was 24 yrs

@tamiannderose8561

4 жыл бұрын

How do you escape with children involved. I am getting better feeling with my narcissist, but her emotional manipulation s are starting to affect my child.

@jenniferbrown750

4 жыл бұрын

I’m in 33 years too

It's so exhausting being with someone you'll never have a normal relationship with. Constantly on egg shells.

@Peanuts76

2 жыл бұрын

and don't forgot about pessimistic and hopelessness

When your mind pattern is not the same as a narc's, you treat them as you would others, and when you don't understand what's wrong (and you don't know how a narc functions) you try to understand and have a conversation to figure out how to make things work. Wasted time 😑

@sylettemonroe8878

4 жыл бұрын

Yes,u are a hamster on the wheel 24/7 when dealing with them. Anyone not able to escape needs this advice. I know: having a parent full blown psychopath one needs all the help they can get until they can safely remove themselves from them!!

@christyr5649

2 жыл бұрын

This is the truth! Wasted time read that again! Oh you look at is word salad and gaslighting!

They leave you with a sence of anxiety and just an uneasy feeling. Your spirit will let you know eventually if someone is a person you need to associate with ! Thank you Dr .C. you are a blessing.

Jerk behavior is the perfect way to describe it, Dr. C, doesn't sound strange to me at all. Great advice as usual. Thank you! 🧡

@SurvivingNarcissism

Жыл бұрын

You're very welcome!

You will always feel alone and neglected with a narcissist

Your last question is very thoughtful. Never allow your mood ( or hope) when responding to them. I have been very firm , within myself, and that unwavering resolve has made me strong. I needed to forget the notion that being ME , was my right to be spontaneous and free in my responses. Strategic is so much safer and it must come out of my very "honest" place. I want to not speak to him ever again. Period. It is the only boundary that works, in this situation. Best wishes to those who need strength, within the " Hall of Mirrors". Thank you, Dr. C.

I wish I was educated on your valuable expertise years ago. It would have saved me so much pain and misery dealing with my malignant npd ex husbands abuse.

To summarize A narcissist is work work work ! Thanks for the insights and advice. 👍

And I don’t like where they put me and I end up being blamed

I’ve learned that I can’t share anything really personal that makes me look vulnerable to my sister. Once in a while when she’s pretending to be nice I will forget who she really is. I will intentionally block her to remind myself not to let down my guard because I’m not completely no contact with her. Everything is very superficial with her.

best advice ever!!! i manage to make some notes, hope can help someone, and i plan to read it every morning, hope i'll remember every morning: 1. don't ascribe normalcy to the narcissist maybe others relationship can be normal, can speak to one another, can make requests, etc; but u married to a looney, so swallow it, don't expect normalcy 2. stay neutral in your self-revelations don't share stories to him, only neutral things, he'll use it to hurt u 3. drop your presumptions for loyalty narcissist only loyal to 1 person: himself 4. drop the expectation that narcissist will uphold their end of the relationship u are not a relationship with him, u are a transaction for him to get what he want, so it's normal for him to fail your expectations 5. refuse to be drawn into power plays anything can be a win-lose game for him, n it's in their DNA to always dominant, so they'll have to win. so show them, u dont play their game n u dont need to be in power place 6. refrain from rationalizing or justifying he'll accuse u anything just to make him feel good, he'll poke u anywhere he can poke, so don't engage, let it be 7. make room for their "jerk" behavior at this point u'll know that who he is, nothing can change him, it's not a surprise when he is a jerk again 8. don't plead for or expect an apology he'll blame their mistakes on u again, they can't be responsible for what they've done. their apologize usually won't be sincere either, because apologize for them is giving their pride n prestige to u, n they can't 9. try not to take their behavior personally it's just what they are, it's not because of u. bcz he always think he's the star of the show 10. plan in advance how u will manage urself he'll always be narcissistic n cruel etc, so u need to know a better step (ex: reading this note every morning to be prepared) = an awakened mind is ur best safeguard -> mindfulness # do u respond the narcissist unruly behavior based on: - ur mood in that moment - well conceived ideas about who u want to be when u're in the presence of immature bully ? i remember, marcus aurelius every morning prepared himself to meet idiots n jerks, so he won't get hurt because he expects it

Keep in mind that although NC is idealistic it may not be a realistic option for some. Practise neutrality and going grey rock to start detaching or pulling away, a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. We’re all doing the best we can under the circumstances. There is no shame ❤️

@SurvivingNarcissism

4 жыл бұрын

Well stated. Dr. C

@sarahstrong7174

4 жыл бұрын

Good idea to collect information, skills, money if you can. So you have them when it is time to go. Have a plan, you might decide to use it one day.

Quiet, understood, codes of conduct in a relationship with the narcissist do not exist. Remember, this is a power play, and to the narcissist, you are just their sad subservient transaction of which they will always maintain dominance. Accept they are rude, immature, non apologetic, consummate jerks who want to rob you of YOU! They are the star of their one-man show! Stay awake, Team Healthy! Thrive and stay alive. Always strive for peace.

I’m 68 and I finally get it! Oh how I wish this was taught and I caught, 40 years ago! I filed for divorce about 2 weeks ago and it seems like an eternity because I still live in the same house. He’s done specific childish/hurtful things since then (imagine that!). I just got my replacement ear buds in the mail today! He stole the others from my desk just to be a jerk! I have learned a lot about me in this circus called a marriage. I am what some have said, is a codependent. This term evolved from the ‘other’ response of someone who is the IP of an alcoholic or drug user, and is not an accurate term use for lack of self love. There is a book called “The Human Magnet”, that I highly recommend for those of us who want to stop being that human magnet!

@DominiqueFrancon

3 жыл бұрын

Is your divorce final? How are you doing?

@nancyclark-gaines6856

3 жыл бұрын

@@DominiqueFrancon Final! Looking for a place! You?

@DominiqueFrancon

3 жыл бұрын

@@nancyclark-gaines6856 still here. I’m afraid to start a divorce while living here.

I just chill out and know that I’m dealing with an Immature bully 👍😂 There are so many Ahh haa moments when listening to this guy. His voice is so soothing as well. Thanks for the understanding you have taught me x

Les Carter I cannot thank you enough for your knowledge of a narcistic person & the relationships they create.

@SurvivingNarcissism

4 жыл бұрын

Received, with gratitude. Dr. C

I'll repeat my live chat comment I left up there.. I can't do that and live. I've chosen divorce and a 300 mile move back to my tribe. ❤️☘️

@bertzerker747

4 жыл бұрын

Off the topic and maybe more benign to 'empathism'.

@bertzerker747

4 жыл бұрын

300 miles, is that symbolism?

@bertzerker747

4 жыл бұрын

Heaven awaits baby, and that place to make it 'stated'! Let any pain in life roll over you

@bertzerker747

4 жыл бұрын

If living makes you crawl, then let it.

@KellyOShea6366

4 жыл бұрын

@@bertzerker747 Thank you..❤️☘️

Leaving is the solution to your life.

I've been dating a narcissist for 16 years. I stupidly stood by him thinking he would marry me, but after 10 years of being engaged, doing everything gor him whilst he put me down at every opportunity I woke up and decided to end tge relationship. Even after breaking up he wouldn't move out of the place that I found. So I'm busy looking for a place, whilst he goes around playing the victim telling people how miserable it is living under the same roof but yet he's not moving out after he initially said he would. I am in a position where it's harder for me to rent and he's very aware of that, hence why he's not moving. Life can be so unfair.

They will zap anything that brings you joy. Will deplete you of any meaningful relationships. Asking God for strength~

We need a "BE LIKE GUS" mug or t-shirt with his photo!

@SurvivingNarcissism

4 жыл бұрын

Gus would like that. I'm supposed to have a new mug with him on it soon. Dr. C

When she "ghosts"me I use it as a convenient time out to reassess both myself her and the relationship. The timeout becomes a stress-free break from dealing with her.

@jonathanblaylock

2 жыл бұрын

I must admit she does keep coming back after three or four days for more supply.

@jonathanblaylock

2 жыл бұрын

Her flying monkeys seem comical to me

@jonathanblaylock

2 жыл бұрын

Dealing with this has become a huge learning experience for me.

Stand firmly grounded and keep an even tone-of-voice. Stay focused and strong.

This video describes my Ex to a T!!!! She is an EXPERT Narcissists!!! So glad your videos helped me to figure this girl out!! After 6 years Thank you!!

This is a good one. Thank you! It is difficult to keep all of these things in mind at once. As soon as I get comfortable with one of the behaviors you mention, another one pops up. It's kind of a toxic whack-a-mole. So much patience is necessary. It does stir up a lot of emotions and it's difficult to let them pass over me. Also, not reacting often seems to make the behavior worse. My narcissist doesn't seem satisfied until the constant prodding gets me to react.

@pamelacox5345

4 жыл бұрын

Charles Poker, “Toxic Whack-a-Mole” is exactly what it feels like! It is so exhausting and takes an infinite amount of emotional stamina. Wishing the the best for you. You are not alone.

@charlespoker882

4 жыл бұрын

@@pamelacox5345 Stay strong!

@braveheart977

Жыл бұрын

Toxic whack a mole🤣🤣🤣🤣

I sure could of used these tools last week. But now I have better tools to deal with that narcissist. Thank you Dr. Carter

Outstanding. Like 10,000 others whose comments I've read, I wish I had seen videos like this 20 years ago. One 15 minute youtube video woke me up, set me free. I'm sorry I put up with narcs for so long and had seen the light years ago. Hard not to hold a grudge and let it go.

1. Remember they are not normal. They are manipulators. 2. Don't tell them about personal things that are precious to you. 3. Don't expect them to be loyal. They are only loyal to themselves. 4. Don't expect a true relationship with them. You will give, and they will take. That is all. You are just the means to their end. 5. Don't get drawn in to their power plays. 6. Refuse to justify your behaviour. They do not care about you, and you have the right to your own feelings and to self-respect. 7. Expect them to be jerk-ish. 8. Don't expect any apologies from them. 9. Don't take their behaviour personally. 10. Plan in advance your behaviour/mindset in their presence.

Thank you. My life is destroyed by a man I believed was my husband. I have been mourning someone who didn't even exist since February. I found no guidance in scripture. Friends just don't know what to say. I cannot live on my own, my life savings. gone, my home gone all within two weeks. This video is the first advice I have found that I can follow ... onward and upward.

@lisavaden9903

4 жыл бұрын

I'm in the same boat.. 31yrs. marriage I'm 60 physically disabled no money no family or friends..I can't live on my own..THIS IS GOING TO BE SO HARD!

@raelynnelrobinson1901

3 жыл бұрын

Blessings to you both to be able to live your life NOT THEIR’S !!!

@billyrayvalentine7972

3 жыл бұрын

I thought I would join in. 27 years. Disabled 10 years ago and went through my retirement with the help of my narcissist. And now being disguarded because I said no more controlling and belittling. Sure looks like a huge mountain. All the best to you. We are not alone because there are many of us apparently. Stay strong and I will try to do the same thing. REMEMBER. The narcissist thinks we are going to crumble. Let's prove them wrong

I should listen to this each time I phone or contact my 97 yr old mother. I yelled at her two days ago due to her harsh words to me. I needed self control and your information is so valuable! Thank you! I am writing down you last statement to review just before I go to see her or phone her. THANK YOU! And yes, having her outlive everyone with her personality is so strange! I think she will outlive me too!

@nancyalywahby2784

3 жыл бұрын

Your 97 yo mother may be displaying some signs of Dementia. Sometimes respond to past situations in the present. Have her checked out physically many physical changes in older age can manifest with personality changes.

Plan in advance how you want to manage yourself when you’re in the presence of a narcissist. GOLDEN WORDS!! An awaken mind is your best tool in managing narcissists 👍🏻

just go no contact, or move in that direction, whatever little steps you feel comfortable with /thread

@bertzerker747

4 жыл бұрын

'could take more than a 20 year old photo of William Dufo to tie my shoe laces together

@bertzerker747

4 жыл бұрын

You used a voice translater once,,?

@bertzerker747

4 жыл бұрын

14th floor frontflips aren't that grandiose.

@bertzerker747

4 жыл бұрын

See you as Samantha Fox next time...

Thank you...very helpful.. immature bully- that's what I see.

Narcissist are loyal to one person, guess who? The most important sentence, we should never ever forget! They will only appear to be caring and loyal as long we‘re a useful item in their supply chain and willingly submitt to them. Therefore rather than apologize they prefer to bite and swallow their own tongue. I was arguing with my divorced Narc over our son and because i had another oppinion than him, he cancelled our icecream break back on the way home. Behaving like a 5 year old child 😂😂😂 i left telling him thank you and goodbye with a nice smile. Happy to be at my home again and once more even happier to be divorced. You can‘t expect healthy and mature behaviour from a person with NPD! The best would be to go no contact but in some cases that‘s just not possible. I am happy for each one who can start over their life far away from them. For all the others do not expect they will change and lower your expectations about them as you would deal with a mean, moody and bully five year old. And most important keep your healthy borders.

@bertzerker747

4 жыл бұрын

It would seem generally that the small pettiness the narcissist displays can stack up into a no win no resolution situation. As futile as it is practical fun loving easy going people don't want to be spoiled by the deliberate, unecessary or seemingly intolerant juvenile character displays from these people. Unfortunately it can rub off onto the personality and behaviour of an unspoiled child and even leave yourself feeling like running off to your bedroom to cry for hours and hours.

@bertzerker747

4 жыл бұрын

It's a true perception that even the most cluey, functional and effective Narcs around us are underlined with significant traits of juvinility.

@ronster977

4 жыл бұрын

@@user-ns1un6wz6s Haha.... You'd have to let them think that it was actually them, who lead you to water, if you really needed them to 'believe that it's water'. ✌ Hehehe... 👍

@ronster977

4 жыл бұрын

Personally I think of narcissism as either a virus or a disease, that makes people think, or justify that they're doing what it takes to be a strong character. When in actual fact, it's making them shallow, impulsive, rude, childish, etc. (The list goes on, doesn't it?) The more the general public becomes aware of narcissism, the more we start to notice that THEY are actually the victims. PS. I would never suggest to drop one's guard around them, though. ✌👍

@darlenerego70

4 жыл бұрын

Thank you for encouraging those of us who probably won't be leaving. I need to lower my expectations about them as I would deal with a mean, moody and bully five year old. And most important I need to keep my healthy borders. Thanks again Carolin!!

The old saying. If a dog does not like someone, neither should you like that someone. That dog sure looks like it loves you Dr. C.. I am happy for you and me.

OMG! This video is a real eye opener! I have to live with this narcissist for at least another 18 years because of kids. I keep falling into the same trap, keep taking his bait. I'm so glad I came across this video, I'm gonna keep listening to this to remind myself to not take their bait. I feel like some people have shared my story in these comments.. I just have to suck it up for my kids' sake..

I need this. I can be taken back to family court when ever the narc feels like it. I can't go no contact unless I give up my children.

@ai172

4 жыл бұрын

I totally understand since I am floating in the same boat as you are! My son was 9 when my covert husband's mask fell off! As much as I wanted to leave with my son then, I knew that I couldn't entrust my son with his narc dad even for an hour with court orders! ...It has been 7 years since and I am waiting for my son to become a legal, independent adult. I am then free to go total no contact! Meanwhile , I am trying to heal and work on my exit:)

@noracharles9366

4 жыл бұрын

Brandi and A-1: Love to you both. 💝 I am 3 months away from my last baby turning 18- I SURVIVED. And you will too. I am praying for you Brandi... the pain and fear for my children imprisoned and tortured me. Co-parenting w a Narcissist and/ or a Sociopath is a nightmare. God strength to you both. I mean it. MAY GOD BLESS YOU WITH HIS FAVOR 💖

@noracharles9366

4 жыл бұрын

@@ai172 A I: Hang tight, ok? You are almost done. Im 3 months away from the finish line myself so i encourage you. Great job, well done! Not an easy task and yet, you are doing it. I understand- raising your son w his Narcissist father until you can safely break free. That takes impressive strength. God bless you and your child Honey. I mean it. Im praying for you. God speed 💖 The Lord himself will fight for you. Just stay calm.” Exodus 14:14 NLT

@palomamelendez7523

4 жыл бұрын

Lord. I'm still 8 years out. But i found peace in hiring an attorney and having details down to the time, appts, and third party participation of exchanging of children. It has really changed things.

@miraclesforus2

4 жыл бұрын

Ai try setting up some surveillance in house. Record and document. Find out laws in your state regarding this. Always TRUST your gut and pray. The monster I was married to unbeknown to me was horrifically abusing my only son secretly. Went to family court child was in trauma abuse therapy, medicated forced to see abuser for years until he remarried. Best if luck.

I cannot tell you the amount of information and tools you have given me to survive my workplace narcissism. It has literally saved me.

Wow! I’ve been trying to riddle out the behavior of a friend. she and her husband travel with me and my husband a lot. It is always difficult and uncomfortable for me. But the men get along fabulously. I was talking to another woman friend, and she said well Lisa is a narcissist. Don’t expect her to act normal. Found your KZread and can’t thank you enough!

Dr Carter has been a tremendous help in understanding the behavior of Narcissist. When I do good things in my own life, and it is not their business and has nothing to do with them. They find out about it and degrade me for it, make up lies or nonsense about it, when I try to explain it, they don't hear me.....they do not like it if you can do things good....without them.

@SurvivingNarcissism

2 жыл бұрын

You're on it, Jacqueline!

I have only recently fully realised that my husband of 45 years is a narcissist. I have always hung on to his every word and thought I was hopeless even though I had a very successful career and 2 wonderful children. I’m coming to terms with it now and slowly building up my confidence in myself. He will never really have my back or miss a chance to put me down, but since listening to Dr Carter I am gaining the tools to deal with it and getting on with the things I enjoy doing. I am not in a financial position to leave, so this latest video is great for me.

i’m just here to say thank you because you just saved me

@SurvivingNarcissism

4 жыл бұрын

Received, with gratitude. Dr. C

#1. I didn't know what a narcissist was until the last few years. I thought I could make things normal. Omg, #1 tore me up.

What do you do if you’re flat broke, homeschooling your kids, no family to run to, and the kids are all begging you to get out so they can be free? It’s heart-wrenching!

@Sandra-bx6yy

Жыл бұрын

How are you doing now, two years on?

This is extremely difficult but I'm getting better. I have to live here,

Thankyou Dr Carter. The light went on for me a few months ago when I happened by chance onto your youtube clips. Now I can make sense of the relationship I have had with my narc husband. It was a second marriage for me and I was swept of my feet in a passionate courtship only to have the wheels fall off well and truly gor myself and my children after we were married. Getting up the courage now to end this relationship. He has been lying and cheating on me for at least the last 2 years and before that was emotionally abusive and controlling to me and my kids. Feeling anxious about making the break but going to do it

11) Never forget that they are monsters pretending to be human. 12) You will forget because you are human, and we want to believe that evil doesn't exist. 13) These people are beyond redemption or sympathy. Don't be dumb.

(I place in parentheses the truth of the rule as based upon my personal experience.) 1. Don't ascribe normalcy to them. (100%) 2. Stay neutral in your self-revelations to them; they'll use it against you. (100%) 3. Drop any presumption of loyalty. They are addicted to favorite treatment. (100%) 4. They won't uphold their end. You are a transaction, not a relationship. (100%) 5. Avoid all power plays. (100%, but its impossible. Its ALL a power play.) 6. Don't rationalize / justify your behavior. (Good luck with that.) 7. Make way for their jerk behavior. (Ditto) 8. Don't plead for or expect apologies. They are the ultimate takers. (100%) 9. Try to not take it personally. (They are TRYING to make you take it personally. That is the whole point of the relationship from their point of view.) 10. Plan in advance how to deal with them. (Good luck with that too. They are incredibly calculating, devious and completely without morals or conscience.) Stubborn, insensitive, not empathetic.

@CH-in8dm

4 жыл бұрын

Thankyou

@goldenfox5434

4 жыл бұрын

Funny you say that they completely lack conscience, because I've been told by a narcissist that it was a characteristic of mine!

@amandawahl9325

3 жыл бұрын

Totally agree with #9

I really like point 10: Have a plan of how you want to be in their presence, and don’t be swayed to react to your emotions in the moment. It’s hard, because they’re so good at pushing the right buttons. But I like this idea of having a plan in advance. Thanks, Dr Carter!

My husband (when I was married) would try to goad me into arguments. I lived in a cycle: He would blow up, then he was eaten up with internal guilt (never apologizing) and over the next week or so would do anything I wanted and go anywhere I wanted to eat; then goad me into an argument by saying, “You never want to go where I want to eat!” LOL. My reply, “Where do you want to eat?” HAHAHA He would then backpaddle and steer his argument in another direction. I wasted 32 years with this person (he’s NOT a man because real men don’t behave this way). Hell will freeze before I trust another male.

@YakkateeYak

4 жыл бұрын

Toni Dozier - Sounds very much like my 30 years of marriage. He loved to provoke me into arguments, then the next day always try to be extra nice to make up for his cruelty from the night before. I can’t wait to move out so I can finally heal and never deal with him ever again!!!

@tonidozier4573

4 жыл бұрын

@YakkateeYak..My husband’s way to apologize when confronted with the truth and there was no escaping the fact that he was wrong, his apology, “Oh.” LOL .. I wish you the best. Do not expect his friends (male or female) to support you. My brother didn’t support me. He and his wife remained with my abuser. My mom listened to me. She still had a kinda soft spot for him. Interestingly, when Mom divorced, her mother supported my biological father as did Mom’s brother and his wife. Later my grandmother apologized to Mom. Like mother, like daughter. My church didn’t even support me. Since I don’t trust, I had no support “system,” only my mother. I learned a hard lesson.

@wisconsinfarmer4742

4 жыл бұрын

I'm sorry. I feel that way about women, but I know I'm wrong. There are some I can trust.

@YakkateeYak

4 жыл бұрын

Toni Dozier - Thank goodness we don’t share any mutual friends however I do expect him to smear my name to his family. They don’t know that we are divorced yet. We had made a deal, which I’m very surprised he’s actually kept (so far) and that is not to tell his family anything until his personal injury case comes to fruition. I know for a fact that they will side with him and that’s okay bc then I will know they never truly loved me either and I’m better off without them. I hear you on the support - I only have my son and my daughter however I’m thankful I even have them but sometimes I feel like I am all alone bc I don’t want to harp/only talk about my situation. My son has gotten to the point where anytime I bring up my ex, he says why are you still talking about him, he’s an assh•le so that only leaves me to vent to my daughter which she says she doesn’t mind but I can see how it would be frustrating to listen to me complaining so I sit and talk to Jesus a lot. I wish you the best in life and pray we both will go on to lead the happy lives we both were meant to live. Hugs!! PS- That’s horrible that even your own church wasn’t there for you. That makes me sad and I’m so very sorry!! The church itself as a whole has been infiltrated a long time ago and is not what it used to be and I am someone who wholeheartedly believe in the Lord Christ Jesus. I

@tonidozier4573

4 жыл бұрын

@YakkateeYak Thank you. I forgot to mention that when I divorced him, I divorced his family. I wasn’t going to put them in a position of choosing sides. Of course, narcs don’t care. Funny, when we were married, we were not close to my brother and his wife. This all came about the divorce. You and I are definitely better off without them.

I come from a family of narcissists.. Fly monkeys...a Golden child..I've always been the scapegoat..it feels good to be 400 miles away from it...I didn't understand until 3yrs ago...now my son is one..thanks to their grooming...no empathy or sympathy for anyone but themselves..and no gratitude or apologies ever...glad I woke up..

Setting the pace indeed. I am becoming so aware of how their inability to feel and empathize blocks relationship. Now to be present enough to know in the moment and use ok, whatever. Stay neutral. I am a very enthusiastic person. Feel lucky to be alive. This is not easy for me. I can do skeptic but being dragged into their pessimism....

I've learned a lot by watching your videos. With that said, I still have lots of learning to do. I had to speak in tongue and watch what I say often just to keep from angering the narcissist. Anything and everything I say can and will be used against me. I have also realized that the narcissist is jealous of me putting God first and then myself and then my parents and then my siblings amd then them. Maybe... I used to be afraid to disappoint the narc and also afraid to anger the narc. I thank God that my faith has grown. I don't hate the narc I just don't allow them to control me with attitude or pain. The narc used my own guilt against me and by watching your videos and videos like yours, I learned to avoid, not hate and let go so I could move forward, stand tall and love again. Thank you

They treat you like a bag of chips. Consume and throw away.

@sclogse1

4 жыл бұрын

mmmmm..chips.....

I see her struggle with her narcissistic behaviors possibly caused by her brain damage and feel empathetic for her plight but at the same time and cautious and protective of my own self mostly by being supportive and withholding my opinion about what's happening.

Thanks very much I needed this information especially because the narcissist I'm dealing with is a family member and I can't always avoid them

Dr. Carter, thank you so much for all your sound advice. It has truly been a life saver. The narcissist I am with blames me for everything, he recently blamed me because he was thirsty; can you believe that? He also wants me to give him three seconds notice when I sneeze, (I don't, of course). I have learned to laugh at his unreasonable requests and do not take his blame game personally. Dr. Carter, you have taught us how to keep our self respect in this cruel world. Thank you.

Yes. Listen to this more than once. It is such good helpful advice if you live with a narcissist. Thank you Dr. Carter. You have given me strength and hope to keep on fighting. I feel stronger to deal with the situation. Thank you so much.

Make room for their "jerk"behaviour. Your strongest statement here.

Them will never chage God give me peace Thank you Dr Carter From Panama God bless you

@SurvivingNarcissism

3 жыл бұрын

Thank you Maritza. Dr. C

*Thank you* for that closing statement as that's something tearing at my brain and heart every other day it seems. My by every definition of narcissist husband is Australian. For so long he's told me that I don't understand when he's joking, can't take a joke, or get how blunt and open minded Aussies are.... Which frustrates the hell out of me. I get it!! I have a twisted sense of humor, a dark and dry one that I'm proud of (lol). That said, I'm rarely offended or dismiss someone for not having the same humor, don't care what country you're from! It's been really hard... I've tried to get to know his friends to feel out their "humor" and personalities because I do question myself more and more.... Sadly I can't flat out tell them "I am questioning all Australians based off my husband's excuses when he tells people what he thinks" 🤦🏽‍♀️ I know that's not fair. Any Aussies reading this, I'd love your input. "Ask an Aussie if this is good ol fun or Australian narcissistic abuse" hasn't been an ideal Google search. I'm so lonely!

@meghanwebber4977

4 жыл бұрын

@@chriswyma145 thank you and I appreciate your input. I agree with everything you shared. I feel I am a curious person, always wanting to better myself/understand individuals and relationships, and how to better communicate. Which is one sided in this marriage. Sadly, he is a true narcissist. Telling him no for a n y t h i n g results in anger and continuously pushing for a yes. Others have approached me and confided how uncomfortable they felt. Any emotion I'm feeling other than neutral or happy is an inconvenience that I get yelled at. He's constantly "teasing" when he pretends to punch, dropkick or stab me with a knife (last night). I've told him in multiple tones that I don't like that and to STOP. Which results in him yet again telling me that idk when people tease. He always grabs and gropes me when I tell him "not now" or to please stop and ignores my request til I scream, which of course results in an argument with him ALWAYS saying "but it wasn't sexual." That's his reasoning- since it's not a sexual touch I should allow it. This post is already long, sorry!! I will say, I need to get out. Financially I can't, and with the pandemic, I have nowhere to go. In the meantime I've been "playing nice" and genuinely trying to understand his dismissiveness (er, as he says, Australian habits) just to survive. I could tell many stories... This pandemic has shown a lot of his colors. Example, I had C19 a few months ago and still he demanded sex.. 💔 Again, thank you. Regretfully our marriage isn't salvageable for me.

@meghanwebber4977

4 жыл бұрын

@@chriswyma145 thank you, sometimes it just helps knowing others understand. ❤️❤️

I am anticipating the knowledge you will impart in this video, Dr. C. At this point (23 yrs of marriage to a narc husband, 3 kids, etc), I have made the decision to stay. I need to learn how to cope within this marriage, and there is rarely any information on how to achieve that. I keep hearing to cut my losses and bolt. I understand that approach completely. I am just not ready for that, and I’m not sure I ever will be. Thanks for giving us valuable information from many different angles. You are a true blessing.

@bertzerker747

4 жыл бұрын

Loyalty by your side Pamela. Don't ever let the 'ditch-a-narc' thing make you go against your own intentions. Hope you make a great nother 23 years out of it 💪

@RealityisaComedy

4 жыл бұрын

I know of a lady doing the same thing. I don't understand why you would stay in a neglectful situation but I respect your choice. It is amazing to me someone would choose to stay. I often wonder if it is the abuse that has hooked the person into believing it is the right choice for them. The awful manipulation can really mess with your mind and your thinking about what the right thing to do is. I totally get it and have experienced it first hand. I know it is not easy but thank you for sharing your thoughts. The lady I know I believe has been manipulated to stay and kept pregnant for over 20 years. She has triple the children you do from ages 1 to 18 yrs. And does everything in the marriage and faces terrible emotional abuse. I don't understand why she stays and puts a smile on for everyone. Why continue to have children with this person who does not value you? It is very hard to understand.

@jeskeepinitreal

4 жыл бұрын

I understand. I was foolish to leave with almost nothing and lose all i had created for my future. You are wise to seek counsel like dr carter to protect yourself and your assets and your future. Being an old single working woman starting all over is not easy or fun or cute. You have earned your place as a married lady and home owner. Dont be a renter like me alone in an apartment. Keep your home. Men mellow with age.

@brandidesso9057

4 жыл бұрын

I left the marriage but that doesn't stop the abuse if you have underage children involved. Mine has been taking me to court the last 12 years and I don't think it will stop until they are grown. If you do decide to leave I would gather as much evidence against him as possible before making your exit so you can go no contact. Best of luck to you.

@bertzerker747

4 жыл бұрын

@@RealityisaComedy if I'm destined to die, then I want to know more about it. Living with a lowlife who is not a narc just doesn't cut it these days.

A profound last thought. I'm going to live with that as I believe it's more the mood. I'm moving toward a healthy mentality with the narcisist in my life thanks to therapy.

You are number one mind reader of narcissist, i am not able to describe your help for people that are brutally hurt by narcissists