The Betrayed, The Addicted & The Expert
The Betrayed, The Addicted & The Expert
Each week, Ashlynn & Coby Mitchell and Brannon Patrick LCSW, known as the Betrayed, the Addicted and the Expert will share their three different perspectives on topics dealing with relationships, betrayal trauma and addiction recovery leaving you with HOPE for change no matter your circumstance.
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Wow! Spot on. My live in boyfriend and I made a great team and had a good life anytime his adult daughter wasn’t meddling in our business. I moved out almost 3 months ago because being alone is much more peaceful than wondering what she was going to pull next.
Sound is bad.
What if you are a woman married to a closeted gay husband that you came to know after 4 years of marriage ?
Women cheat more than men. It's still wrong no matter who. I'm just sayin.
What if I am now divorced after this betrayal and am still experiencing the symptoms of trauma?
Are they are still together because his Mom passed? Honestly can they really speak much to success with overcoming the dynamic since Mom died?
He’s still watching. I can tell.
It’s sad that it took the death f the mother for peace.
They just go through the motions to "look good!" No true change.
I have this problem with my boyfriend’s sister. He’s been taking care of her all her life. She lives with us. She can’t keep a job. She feels like the other women
This conversation is concerning to me. With these mother’s, there is no having them understand you. They never will. Solid boundaries and protection of the marriage is number one. Kenneth Adams is who you need to read and listen to. Because this can affect a marriage forever, dead mom or not. And it doesn’t heal without accepting that she’s toxic and won’t see or support your side.
Oh Ashlynn….she would NEVER get you…these type of people never ever do.
There’s so much ick around this. I’m living it and working on it and it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done. So much pain.
My exs mother cut him off and then she con trolled the extended families as well. She gate kept all relationships. All because he chose to stay in the marriage, we were in the middle of a divorce, she berated, and cussed him for an hour and hung up. I regret not getting divorced now, This seperation lasted 3 yrs. Although she still caused problems, In that 3 yrs, the whole family tormented him with photos of events he was not invited to and the whole but shes your mother. Although they at times were able to choose to cut their own parents out, the hypocrisy is astounding. Now, he has gone back into the circus as a performer! That means giving it all he has to give, making up for lost time, excluding his own created family again. It is over after the wash rinse and repeat of this for 30 yrs. He can go live that miserable broke life. Thats where he wants to be and now i would also rather be elsewhere with the possibility of recieving actual real love, respect, and loyalty. My kids did not deserve the father they got and us for a relationship model. This curse will affect the future and i am so regretful that this info wasnt available 30 yrs ago. He was all the abusives! Physical, emotion, mental, financial! A cheater. It was so diabolical. Good riddance.
Wow you hit the nail on my head. This is exactly what my husband is doing right now. First appointment for marriage counseling is in 2 days and don’t think I’m gonna make it that far. Walked 3 miles to and home from a motel to finish me but apparently all the hotels in town are book from an event in town. I have major health problems and he didn’t bother to check on me
❤
@lambandmintjelly
Thank you!
Addiction to these things can really hurt. My partner was addicted to porn, and I also used to watch it before meeting him. But because of how badly hooked he was, knowing I could never compare to the millions of fantasies used up daily, I feel sick. At times, I feel like a body that gets used while he fantasizes about being with someone else. It was and still does gut me. I ended up developing 'porn-related betrayal trauma' and body dysmorphia. On and off, I have contemplated suicide. It's difficult to be unclothed or vulnerable with someone who doesn't want to look at you, who struggles with the unmatched dopamine hits the digital world can provide: easy, effortless, a quick release. Despite being active at the gym, young, petite size 6 with a B cup, and craving to be with that someone, I just wanted him to choose me. But he doesn't... didn't. I don't know. I just hope it gets easier, and then I can recover too. He prefers larger, perky breasts and said mine are small. Now he says otherwise, and that he loves my breasts. This was only after what he said hurt me. And because it's the main cause of my body dysmorphia and 'porn betrayal trauma' that I have suffered with over the last few years. I appreciate the kindness of his, but it's not the truth. And he is sadly trying to make up for the damage that he caused. I can forgive him easily, but the words can't be taken back, and I can't seem to find a route of recovery for my disorder linked to his words and pornography use and the constant finding of such, amidst all of the comparisons. Perky or not, small boobs are statistically rated the lowest. And I can't imagine myself being anything more than second to his porn addiction which could still be continuing. That's the trouble; I don't know if he's stopped or just got better at hiding it. He hasn't told me about any slip-ups, and it's unlikely that he wouldn't have had any. And no communication about this creates more distrust as I feel like he's hiding it to spare my feelings. I don't feel much in the bedroom anymore. Everything I do feels like a performance. I push myself through and try to look as best as I can doing what I know he likes. I do the opposite of hiding myself, even if the thought of my body through his eyes makes me want to vomit. I can't and never will compare to what will get him off in an instant. Pixels on a screen winning over a real person. I loved this person, I still do, but I am in so much pain. I feel like my relationship died. A part of me died. I don't talk to anyone anymore, I stopped because of all the triggers. This hurts. I keep searching on how to feel safe without knowing if I ever can be again. How can I trust something I can't see and recover? History is deleted so easily, so I'm having to trust someone who has lied to me daily. But the fact is it could still be a lie and just more false security
What a kind and thoughtful video. Thank you so much. You are helping a lot!
What a powerful and extraordinary message and great guest of John Eldredge
This model doesn't work anymore I'll recommend to listen to Dr Minwalla about what really is betrayed trauma.
It's the F lack of empathy of these Aholes that created the problem in the first place. I naively thought since he was sober that he was healed. But no, he's still the same Selfish, self centered self absorbed, getting defensive every time I got triggered by his continuous disregarding behaviors. I'm separated now. I deserve soo much better, I know there are healthier, Normal, functional men out there.
Sober meaning he stopped consuming pornography.
So sad that after 46 yrs married my husband has never seen the light, his been so enmeshed with his mother that he always tended to her needs, she was never wrong in his eyes and even now he can not see the enmeshment or simply does not want to see it. unfortunately his mother is a covert narcissist and manipulated him and believe it or not had total control over him.
Thank you.
What if he denies it all... saying I'm crazy...it never happened... I never cheated or hurt you... I would never hurt my family and then tries to act like we are all fine!!! I'm not fine and it's been 6yrs we have a 7yr old son and I don't know who this man is that my son calls Dad??? What do i do???
Dr Weiss is the best
❤ For me.. I'm absolutely powerless. ❤
💕🙏 Thank you 🙏💕
My mother in law stated that the day my husband & I got married 27 years ago was the worst day of her life. I must be a really bad person! smh
Make this viral !
God, if I was a therapist I would have such a hard time not telling these men to just stop being such fking children. This therapist is incredibly patient.
Babbling gibberish. Joined a cult 2 months later
Coby’s demeanor and words are so fake! It was hard for me to watch him pretend to be enlighten.
This puts so much into perspective for me as the wife of an addict. Thank you for putting out this content to help those of us without direct help to understand how this originates and affects the person.
I recently found out what i was dealing with and it's nice knowing im not crazy. I tell my husband, cut the umbilical cord already.
It’s wild how much men downplay the experiences women have
because they are misogynists. Porn has also train them to treat women like objects existing only for their pleasure. Why would men feel sorry or remorse for an object? here is your answer why men are so dull to women experiences
I definitely DO NOT LOVE HIM ….DIVORCE IS THE BEST WAY TO DEAL WITH IT .
I know with my gf she is very enmeshed w her mom. They text almost incessantly through out the day, every day up until bed time. And she hangs out with her, despite her having friends. I find it astounding that she doesnt spend the same time communicating with me or spending time with her friends. It's weird and painful.
You deserve more
Please make a video talking about the betrayer becoming very mentally and emotionally abusive and lashing out on the betrayed once she has been informed. For me it's not about safety. I knew he was capable of hurting me, I just never thought he would. Especially since we had been having what I thought was open dialog and disclosure. He just used that to his benefit to get away with even more. It wasn't just the initial disclosure that caused pain. The biggest blow was seeing the lengths he went through to lie and manipulate me in order to get what he wanted, then he treated me like I was the problem bc he could no longer have what he wanted. Which was never me. If he had just flat out been honest and accountable and respectful, things would be great. I could forgive easier and heal without additional trauma. His desire for other women was much greater than his desire for me. I have truly lost all desire for him. All of the meaning and what made intimacy special is lost. He cheapened it and completely destroyed my worth as a wife. He was amazing and very loving and understanding before his disclosure, but after he is mean and grumpy and lashes out at me all of the time. I'd like to understand this. Nobody is talking about that.
I don’t truly believe men change they destructive, selfish , unacceptable sexual promiscuity …….. men need to learn TOTAL SEXUAL CONTROL OVER THEMSELVES either DIGITALLY, MENTALLY OR IN PERSON ….. look around and see the entire world is on fire because wars are primarily fraught by men against other men ….men are giving themselves permission to cheat , rape ,steal , kill and all is done in the name of “ i deserve this “ . Inspire yourselves by the story of Jesus Christ and his attitudes and behaviors . ( reference to the FBI FILES ON KZread, about what motivates men to do crappy things and the MO)
My boundaries are NO SEX , NO AFFECTION AND NO TRUST EVER ….BUT ITS JUST ME …..
I hate my spouse and never will have sex with him for this reason ….I am sleeping in my own room and won’t EVER get over it ……NEVER …..I RESENT HIM BADDLY AND ITS BEEN 5 years since ……
Thank you so much
You guys are really good people and I appreciate your vibration and your information
Frankly, if the betrayer is the kind of person who could accomplish those five behaviors, they likely wouldn’t be the kind of person who could possibly betray their spouse.
Mother-in-law who cleans and cook without permission; take away the key
Change the locks!
You know she’s had a copy made! 😉
Just figuring this out with my partner after 5 years and and one child. ughhhh ( i couldn’t figure it out after all these years and i had an oh shit moment recently and figure it all out .. i couldn’t pinpoint what the family dynamic was all these years…) Thank you 🙏
Same here but how do I say it to my husband? He will think i’m crazy
I'm not with the one I have been consistently around the same individuals and this is the last attachment I had to when I had what was my normal and letting go is something
Thank you for helping to understanding