lol they definitely do that pearl clutching thing very well!!! As they’re getting ready to do exactly what you’re accusing them of.
@user-ui7mi1lj6fКүн бұрын
My ex's childhood sounds much like your ex's childhood. But add on being molested at the age of six by a teen neighbor boy and being introduced to porn and masturbation then too. Masturbation then became his self soothing and regulating habit. He was so covert that he openly revered me and would have been seen as the perfect husband and still is seen that way by our children. He expertly and covertly alienated my children making me the scapegoat and responsible for our marriage problems. He hid everything so so so we'll. I knew something was wrong but didn't know what and had no proof. Until the first porn use discovery 18 years into our marriage. Then he went further underground but his treatment of me started to change. I finally realized those were the times where he was acting out. I became the family scapegoat and have been shunned as an unsubmissive wife for leaving him. It's so mind boggling how skillfully he is and to project everything onto me and get others to believe him. He had affair the last year of our 40+ year marriage when we were separated with my now ex-accountant and friend. They married less than a month after the divorce was final. Talk about a double betrayal. And they both claim to be Christians.....still.... And I'm still deemed to be the one in sin by them and my children. But God. He is my vindicator, my Redeemer, my provider.
@phillipapadopoulableКүн бұрын
You make so many excellent analogies. They are very helpful for clearing the fog that lingers after one has found one's self trapped in the control beam of a covert narcissist. I endured several in my life---and now that I am out of their orbit, and safe, I am much better at spotting their little sneaky subterfuges and tricks. But the healing can take awhile, depending on their specific relationship with you. How I wish we had known about how these people operate, sooner. At least it is out on the table and being discussed, finally. ALL parents should be given courses on how to protect their children from these types. They are everywhere, sadly.
@jaadeer912Күн бұрын
So good. Thank you.
@jaadeer912Күн бұрын
You have expertly described DARVO.
@gerger5670Күн бұрын
Mine is currently triangulating my middle daughter against me, the one he was always so disapproving of, she’s always wanted his love, so again I will wait with love on the other side!
@nicholecornes19152 күн бұрын
😂 omg yall RUN
@dannywallace12102 күн бұрын
Makeup maybe. Spend a little time on your hair maybe
@bazen_Health_and_Fitness2 күн бұрын
The left
@NathanielHarris-e5p2 күн бұрын
Donald J Trump
@SuperBruins124 күн бұрын
Social justice narcs do this too
@userbev895czx5 күн бұрын
Thx for your explanations and help us to understand and heal .Please if posible can you tell about narcissistic mother that raised a narcissistic sister that become 10x more narcissist than the mother, including manipulating the mother too? Is it possible ?
@lamareneahjordan86606 күн бұрын
Tfs ❤❤❤
@dgator35996 күн бұрын
Her marriage sounds exactly like mine. My covert narc husband was very slow and steady in his tactics to the point where I didn't even realize what was going on until we had been married for 30 years. Suddenly I found myself never having a friend of my own, never talking to my family members because it would put him in a bad mood. He uses scare tactics to keep me close to home i.e. you can't drive there because you'll get lost and someone will kill you and steal your car if you stop and ask for directions, and on and on. I thought one day, if my old school friends saw me now, they wouldn't recognize me. I used to be so independent and a true leader...until I met him. I gave him all the power and lost myself. Only unlike her, I am stuck by my physical limitations, age, and lack of financial dependence. I believe death, either mine or his will be my escape. I tell anyone dealing with a narc spouse; as soon as you realize what is going on, get out while you are young and have options.
@annai33948 күн бұрын
This is very informative For us survivors all of this is so common and at the same time triggering
@annai33948 күн бұрын
Amazing explanation. Thank you ❤
@Agheel96310 күн бұрын
Magical thinking.
@dgator359910 күн бұрын
Great discussion. I'm living it right now....for 33 years. You've opened my eyes to a lot of things in my life. Once I saw it, well, you just can't go back and my desire to make a change has never been stronger.
@bobsnow489013 күн бұрын
I told my sole remaining friend the other day (The only mutual friend who talked and listened to both sides) "It isn't that I don't trust you; I do, you have shown I can. it is that I don't trust myself to make the decision of who to trust anymore."
@jacklarm217014 күн бұрын
Thank you so much. Love from Australia 🇦🇺
@divinealchemy307817 күн бұрын
Hi Renee, do you happen to have podcast episodes that are 2 or 3 hours long? Honestly, listening to you is the best therapy and 'sobering up' process, because a lot of us who are stuck in these types of relationships have been set up for them from our childhood, like we are bewitched or programmed to fall for narcissistic kind of individuals...
@cngreneeswanson13 күн бұрын
@@divinealchemy3078 Thanks for the question. I do not have episodes that long. I tend to work well with the shorter ones. I will consider this though. I'm so glad that this work is helpful to you and many others. Thank you for sharing that! Our childhood is definitely a factor.
@brunovalentine6117 күн бұрын
I have 2 kids . For me when my ex starts that go around me , you circles, i dont react but start a totally new topic and she just looks at me with a frozen face. And asks are u not to answer my question, i just repeat my new question. She just walks away or calls me all sorts of nasity names but i keep asking the same question, she walks away
@dgator359917 күн бұрын
Very much appreciate your content. Been married to a covert narcissist for 33 years. Now that I finally realize what's been going on slowly over the years, I can't unsee it and I am mad at myself and am only remaining in the marriage because he now has dementia and cancer. Let me tell ya, living with a covert narcissist with dementia is not easy. It was affecting my physical and mental health. Now that I am meeting with a therapist, I am learning how to get my voice back and coping mechanisms on how to deal with him. Also, my anxiety is much less and the depression is no longer an issue. Podcasts such as yours are a wealth of information and knowledge is power.
@pameladavis993919 күн бұрын
What apology🤔🙋
@jacklarm217019 күн бұрын
It might be either lazy or presumptive of me, but can you talk about codependency, especially partners who seem caught in this bind with their aging parent?
@cngreneeswanson13 күн бұрын
@@jacklarm2170 I have several podcast episodes out there on codependency. Go to my podcast and search codependency. Let me know if you can't find them
@jacklarm217019 күн бұрын
I love your passion and insights!
@cngreneeswanson20 күн бұрын
I have no idea why there is a text bubble over my mouth! I decided to do one video without my producer, lol. My tech skills are lacking. So sorry! I will stick with my producer!
@krisluvsutube268420 күн бұрын
You go on and tell it now!!
@pameladavis993920 күн бұрын
Hes ALWAYS been in charge🫤
@buildsbest21 күн бұрын
Oh my God you've been there too. Here are my questions. 1.Who taught them to be so manipulative. 2. Why do they set people up against each other with lies that never come to light until one party dies and the truth dawns. My ex told my dad I had accused him of appalling sexual impropriety. Poor dad his face filled with hurt and betrayal, couldn't frame the things ex said I'd accused him of doing.. Dad just came over to me saying you said I'd I'd I'd. done.. ? I had no idea what he was on about until after my divorce. When similar vile things had been done to me. He indirectly said what he intended to do to me after marriage. He said you could always marry someone you hate and torture them for the rest of their lives. He was 18 yrs of age when he said this to me. He's done a good job. A truly sick man.
@cngreneeswanson13 күн бұрын
@@buildsbest So sorry to hear. They learn to be this way from their own childhood. Abuse and/or neglect causes them to build these defensive traits that are so damaging to those around them. The manipulation is their attempt at always protecting themselves. They put people against each other to keep others unsettled and upset. As long as those around them are struggling, hurting, defensive, and such, then they are able to maintain control.
@andyflysfree21 күн бұрын
Word.
@pameladavis993921 күн бұрын
YOU ARE A BLESSING!! NO ONE HAS EVER SAID THE WAY YOU HAVE🙋🙏🙌🌄
@pameladavis993921 күн бұрын
Thank you so much for saying this out loud 🥹
@SlueWright21 күн бұрын
I'm reaching out to u because I need help bad me an my step kids
@cngreneeswanson13 күн бұрын
@@SlueWright I am very willing to help. I offer individual sessions and packages if you are interested. www.covertnarcissism.com/individual-sessions
@whowearereally649421 күн бұрын
It damaged me so badly for the third time that my friends and family can’t even deal with it anymore. I am healed but everyone’s gone. I feel beautiful. I’m back to the beautiful heart and child I was plus healed and then pulled up my big girl adult panties and am just rocking it, however, I miss some of the people from my past, but if they’re not willing to be here for me, so be it! I have my faith. I have my soul and I have my beautiful personality. I love healing people I love taking care of people and I love my home and who I am and what I represent.
@JohnSmith-lk8cy22 күн бұрын
This is the best channel on Covert Narcissism. I lived with one for 25 years and this describes them perfectly.
@annabanzon31322 күн бұрын
So true some people never get over an ex.
@Jrocket1234522 күн бұрын
Brilliant observations.
@bronwyntanner450123 күн бұрын
Oh oh oh 14 years insane marriage to the passive aggressive covert narcissist. I was soooo sick. IBS. Adrenal fatigue. Depression. 3 nervous breakdowns. 7 therapists. Nightmare from hell. The 8th therapist saw him for what he was. I was at the end. Divorced and left one year later Free since June 2017. Healing growth and recovery happen daily You are amazing. Thank you for identifying exactly what happened😊
@JohnSmith-lk8cy23 күн бұрын
OMG That is so true. I can't say it or hear I love you anymore! It makes my stomach churn.
@josephmbimbi23 күн бұрын
I watched a couple videos, i enjoyed them. Unrelated but it looks like you are talking to someone, are you actually lol ?
@cngreneeswanson13 күн бұрын
@@josephmbimbiThanks for the question. Sometimes I am and sometimes I am not. Talking to someone helps me to not create a monologue. It is easier for me to communicate what I am trying to say.
@dirkdil826823 күн бұрын
Only one comment? Ok I'll double the returns... So much to learn and so much to do and change. This topic is very much on my agenda right now. Narc blaming is pointless. I can't change them and I am putting them in the spotlight, exactly where they want to be. I need to understand them to know why l am where I am. But then I need to look at my self. What did I do to allow this to happen? I believe a mature psychological "immune system" won't allow a narcissist to sink their tallons into anyone. The reason I did not have this system is because it was not allowed to develop it within the confines of a toxic family. I live my life in defiance of my feelings, always guessing the emotional state of others. I'm not an empath, I'm in self denial. My emotions are desperately shouting at me and I'm not listening. Getting back in touch puts the "immune system" back up. This needs to be done before change can happen and the change is in me. I have been subjected to bad behaviour but I allowed it to happen and this is a bitter pill to swallow. Thank you your talks. I resonate with them.
@EMGEE71824 күн бұрын
I'm so glad I found your channel.. this is so validating and revealing.
@Dizzybee12324 күн бұрын
Love ur videos
@kittiemarie123524 күн бұрын
Don’t confuse a narcissist for an autistic person. An autistic person often doesn’t communicate effectively and it IS the intention behind their actions rather than the outcome. There is a difference in feeling genuinely bad for something one has done and only apologizing to get back into favor with you.
@peppermintpammy24 күн бұрын
I dread the "How was your day question", because I have learned that is only his 'token display of caring". By the time I responed with "Good", I KNOW that I will have to listen to a barrage of his daily woes that almost always progresses to another "Baby-Mantrum". 🙄 I live by the motto; Brighten a room when you enter it and not when you leave. I want people to say "Yay, she's here" and not whispering "Thankfully she's gone"! 😂
@sunnyadams584224 күн бұрын
Mine was Narcissistic Neglect, not being bullied. They got me diagnosed Bipolar @ 21. There was so much, this that went before between my parents and me before all this,this seemed SO MUCH better than being stuck in the place of nonspecific wrongness that went before. Bipolar was bettter i thought. I moved away from them across the country, asap. 2 weeks after getting my first Lithium.... I wanted to get away from them, but I wished they'd begged me to stay under their wing to be preciously cared for. But they let me go. I ended up bombing around the country for 40 years, me, mostly alone. Getting crappy, inconsistent therapy. Going crazier and crazier. Ended up getting my Masters in Counseling and various boyfriends of various levels. My life went up and down. They expected perfect, yes...so did I....i can't go on...i'm too tured and kind dysregulated from talking, bro my mother last night. Point is: not bullying but neglect big tlime exists and it's damaging af just in diff ways. No one to reach out to- still...
@sunnyadams584224 күн бұрын
Sorry you saw it that way. That wasn't my untention. ( Dropped pronoun and all, that's my Dad's fave. I say fave. I do believe that in my 58 years, I have only asked for an apology twice, maybe)
Пікірлер
my husband always like this, so scary
Thank you ! That was just fantastic !
lol they definitely do that pearl clutching thing very well!!! As they’re getting ready to do exactly what you’re accusing them of.
My ex's childhood sounds much like your ex's childhood. But add on being molested at the age of six by a teen neighbor boy and being introduced to porn and masturbation then too. Masturbation then became his self soothing and regulating habit. He was so covert that he openly revered me and would have been seen as the perfect husband and still is seen that way by our children. He expertly and covertly alienated my children making me the scapegoat and responsible for our marriage problems. He hid everything so so so we'll. I knew something was wrong but didn't know what and had no proof. Until the first porn use discovery 18 years into our marriage. Then he went further underground but his treatment of me started to change. I finally realized those were the times where he was acting out. I became the family scapegoat and have been shunned as an unsubmissive wife for leaving him. It's so mind boggling how skillfully he is and to project everything onto me and get others to believe him. He had affair the last year of our 40+ year marriage when we were separated with my now ex-accountant and friend. They married less than a month after the divorce was final. Talk about a double betrayal. And they both claim to be Christians.....still.... And I'm still deemed to be the one in sin by them and my children. But God. He is my vindicator, my Redeemer, my provider.
You make so many excellent analogies. They are very helpful for clearing the fog that lingers after one has found one's self trapped in the control beam of a covert narcissist. I endured several in my life---and now that I am out of their orbit, and safe, I am much better at spotting their little sneaky subterfuges and tricks. But the healing can take awhile, depending on their specific relationship with you. How I wish we had known about how these people operate, sooner. At least it is out on the table and being discussed, finally. ALL parents should be given courses on how to protect their children from these types. They are everywhere, sadly.
So good. Thank you.
You have expertly described DARVO.
Mine is currently triangulating my middle daughter against me, the one he was always so disapproving of, she’s always wanted his love, so again I will wait with love on the other side!
😂 omg yall RUN
Makeup maybe. Spend a little time on your hair maybe
The left
Donald J Trump
Social justice narcs do this too
Thx for your explanations and help us to understand and heal .Please if posible can you tell about narcissistic mother that raised a narcissistic sister that become 10x more narcissist than the mother, including manipulating the mother too? Is it possible ?
Tfs ❤❤❤
Her marriage sounds exactly like mine. My covert narc husband was very slow and steady in his tactics to the point where I didn't even realize what was going on until we had been married for 30 years. Suddenly I found myself never having a friend of my own, never talking to my family members because it would put him in a bad mood. He uses scare tactics to keep me close to home i.e. you can't drive there because you'll get lost and someone will kill you and steal your car if you stop and ask for directions, and on and on. I thought one day, if my old school friends saw me now, they wouldn't recognize me. I used to be so independent and a true leader...until I met him. I gave him all the power and lost myself. Only unlike her, I am stuck by my physical limitations, age, and lack of financial dependence. I believe death, either mine or his will be my escape. I tell anyone dealing with a narc spouse; as soon as you realize what is going on, get out while you are young and have options.
This is very informative For us survivors all of this is so common and at the same time triggering
Amazing explanation. Thank you ❤
Magical thinking.
Great discussion. I'm living it right now....for 33 years. You've opened my eyes to a lot of things in my life. Once I saw it, well, you just can't go back and my desire to make a change has never been stronger.
I told my sole remaining friend the other day (The only mutual friend who talked and listened to both sides) "It isn't that I don't trust you; I do, you have shown I can. it is that I don't trust myself to make the decision of who to trust anymore."
Thank you so much. Love from Australia 🇦🇺
Hi Renee, do you happen to have podcast episodes that are 2 or 3 hours long? Honestly, listening to you is the best therapy and 'sobering up' process, because a lot of us who are stuck in these types of relationships have been set up for them from our childhood, like we are bewitched or programmed to fall for narcissistic kind of individuals...
@@divinealchemy3078 Thanks for the question. I do not have episodes that long. I tend to work well with the shorter ones. I will consider this though. I'm so glad that this work is helpful to you and many others. Thank you for sharing that! Our childhood is definitely a factor.
I have 2 kids . For me when my ex starts that go around me , you circles, i dont react but start a totally new topic and she just looks at me with a frozen face. And asks are u not to answer my question, i just repeat my new question. She just walks away or calls me all sorts of nasity names but i keep asking the same question, she walks away
Very much appreciate your content. Been married to a covert narcissist for 33 years. Now that I finally realize what's been going on slowly over the years, I can't unsee it and I am mad at myself and am only remaining in the marriage because he now has dementia and cancer. Let me tell ya, living with a covert narcissist with dementia is not easy. It was affecting my physical and mental health. Now that I am meeting with a therapist, I am learning how to get my voice back and coping mechanisms on how to deal with him. Also, my anxiety is much less and the depression is no longer an issue. Podcasts such as yours are a wealth of information and knowledge is power.
What apology🤔🙋
It might be either lazy or presumptive of me, but can you talk about codependency, especially partners who seem caught in this bind with their aging parent?
@@jacklarm2170 I have several podcast episodes out there on codependency. Go to my podcast and search codependency. Let me know if you can't find them
I love your passion and insights!
I have no idea why there is a text bubble over my mouth! I decided to do one video without my producer, lol. My tech skills are lacking. So sorry! I will stick with my producer!
You go on and tell it now!!
Hes ALWAYS been in charge🫤
Oh my God you've been there too. Here are my questions. 1.Who taught them to be so manipulative. 2. Why do they set people up against each other with lies that never come to light until one party dies and the truth dawns. My ex told my dad I had accused him of appalling sexual impropriety. Poor dad his face filled with hurt and betrayal, couldn't frame the things ex said I'd accused him of doing.. Dad just came over to me saying you said I'd I'd I'd. done.. ? I had no idea what he was on about until after my divorce. When similar vile things had been done to me. He indirectly said what he intended to do to me after marriage. He said you could always marry someone you hate and torture them for the rest of their lives. He was 18 yrs of age when he said this to me. He's done a good job. A truly sick man.
@@buildsbest So sorry to hear. They learn to be this way from their own childhood. Abuse and/or neglect causes them to build these defensive traits that are so damaging to those around them. The manipulation is their attempt at always protecting themselves. They put people against each other to keep others unsettled and upset. As long as those around them are struggling, hurting, defensive, and such, then they are able to maintain control.
Word.
YOU ARE A BLESSING!! NO ONE HAS EVER SAID THE WAY YOU HAVE🙋🙏🙌🌄
Thank you so much for saying this out loud 🥹
I'm reaching out to u because I need help bad me an my step kids
@@SlueWright I am very willing to help. I offer individual sessions and packages if you are interested. www.covertnarcissism.com/individual-sessions
It damaged me so badly for the third time that my friends and family can’t even deal with it anymore. I am healed but everyone’s gone. I feel beautiful. I’m back to the beautiful heart and child I was plus healed and then pulled up my big girl adult panties and am just rocking it, however, I miss some of the people from my past, but if they’re not willing to be here for me, so be it! I have my faith. I have my soul and I have my beautiful personality. I love healing people I love taking care of people and I love my home and who I am and what I represent.
This is the best channel on Covert Narcissism. I lived with one for 25 years and this describes them perfectly.
So true some people never get over an ex.
Brilliant observations.
Oh oh oh 14 years insane marriage to the passive aggressive covert narcissist. I was soooo sick. IBS. Adrenal fatigue. Depression. 3 nervous breakdowns. 7 therapists. Nightmare from hell. The 8th therapist saw him for what he was. I was at the end. Divorced and left one year later Free since June 2017. Healing growth and recovery happen daily You are amazing. Thank you for identifying exactly what happened😊
OMG That is so true. I can't say it or hear I love you anymore! It makes my stomach churn.
I watched a couple videos, i enjoyed them. Unrelated but it looks like you are talking to someone, are you actually lol ?
@@josephmbimbiThanks for the question. Sometimes I am and sometimes I am not. Talking to someone helps me to not create a monologue. It is easier for me to communicate what I am trying to say.
Only one comment? Ok I'll double the returns... So much to learn and so much to do and change. This topic is very much on my agenda right now. Narc blaming is pointless. I can't change them and I am putting them in the spotlight, exactly where they want to be. I need to understand them to know why l am where I am. But then I need to look at my self. What did I do to allow this to happen? I believe a mature psychological "immune system" won't allow a narcissist to sink their tallons into anyone. The reason I did not have this system is because it was not allowed to develop it within the confines of a toxic family. I live my life in defiance of my feelings, always guessing the emotional state of others. I'm not an empath, I'm in self denial. My emotions are desperately shouting at me and I'm not listening. Getting back in touch puts the "immune system" back up. This needs to be done before change can happen and the change is in me. I have been subjected to bad behaviour but I allowed it to happen and this is a bitter pill to swallow. Thank you your talks. I resonate with them.
I'm so glad I found your channel.. this is so validating and revealing.
Love ur videos
Don’t confuse a narcissist for an autistic person. An autistic person often doesn’t communicate effectively and it IS the intention behind their actions rather than the outcome. There is a difference in feeling genuinely bad for something one has done and only apologizing to get back into favor with you.
I dread the "How was your day question", because I have learned that is only his 'token display of caring". By the time I responed with "Good", I KNOW that I will have to listen to a barrage of his daily woes that almost always progresses to another "Baby-Mantrum". 🙄 I live by the motto; Brighten a room when you enter it and not when you leave. I want people to say "Yay, she's here" and not whispering "Thankfully she's gone"! 😂
Mine was Narcissistic Neglect, not being bullied. They got me diagnosed Bipolar @ 21. There was so much, this that went before between my parents and me before all this,this seemed SO MUCH better than being stuck in the place of nonspecific wrongness that went before. Bipolar was bettter i thought. I moved away from them across the country, asap. 2 weeks after getting my first Lithium.... I wanted to get away from them, but I wished they'd begged me to stay under their wing to be preciously cared for. But they let me go. I ended up bombing around the country for 40 years, me, mostly alone. Getting crappy, inconsistent therapy. Going crazier and crazier. Ended up getting my Masters in Counseling and various boyfriends of various levels. My life went up and down. They expected perfect, yes...so did I....i can't go on...i'm too tured and kind dysregulated from talking, bro my mother last night. Point is: not bullying but neglect big tlime exists and it's damaging af just in diff ways. No one to reach out to- still...
Sorry you saw it that way. That wasn't my untention. ( Dropped pronoun and all, that's my Dad's fave. I say fave. I do believe that in my 58 years, I have only asked for an apology twice, maybe)