My name is Cinzia DuBois, and this is the Self-Help Shelf, the place where I talk about all things life from a neurodiverse perspective, from productivity to relationships, mental health, and personal finance.
I relate a lot to Michael's story 🥺. I'm in the process of cutting the friend I had feelings for out of my life, for my own good. It's hard but I definitely needed to hear that.
@benwilliams369822 сағат бұрын
I wish I had seen a video like this 6 years ago, during my undergrade. I did graphics Design and illustration, on one project in 3rd year, all I remember about that project and the feed back was, its shit. I was just told during a feedback group discussion where we shared our work weekly, that what I had produced was shit. No actual feedback , no advice on how to improve it, just that it was shit.
@efifragaki8803Күн бұрын
Thank you. This helped.
@theandreabyorКүн бұрын
I want to study, get a masters in history of arts, but I get imposter syndrome and my low self.esteem kills me. I feel I am not fit or good enough for anything at all, I hate it. You are so brave for daring where others only dream about it! Keep going
@leilanic7242Күн бұрын
Wonderfully said!! I can't even put into words how much this video means to me.
@trixjoyceКүн бұрын
"Academia is how well you fit the system" OMG that line... I agree so much! As an autistic who was failed by the school system altogether, I feel somewhat validated by that statement.
@trixjoyceКүн бұрын
I always self-sabotage. I did that in university and I still do. I have no degree. I know it's not too late (I'm 31), but I'm too poor and too exhausted at this point... I regret not taking the help I was offered in college, I regret not doing my best.
@warzachew4343Күн бұрын
I'm so incredibely impressed of how well spoken you are. You sound so sophisticated and I can't stop listening to you. I don't even focus on what are you talking about but your beautiful voice, accent and ability to speak such great. It's just a pleasure to hear you.
@viancavarma34552 күн бұрын
“no offence to the crochet community” * me with my hook and yarn watching this video *🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠
@michaelake98142 күн бұрын
Thanks for sharing this. Thank you for being so lovely, and for your gracious expression of empathy- even to those who have wounded you.
@oscarlucas72862 күн бұрын
I kinda feel like sharing a similar experience I’m going through right now. Like 4/5 months ago I told the girl I’ve liked for three years, also a good friend of mine, that I like her romantically. She told me in a very nice way that she didn’t feel the same way about me. That hurt a lot, but the way she told me helped in accepting it. However, Michael’s pessimistic view on love feels very familiar as I kinda feel the same way right now. I got the feeling that I will never meet a girl again that I feel this way about. Like it doesn’t matter to go on dates because it will never work out anyway. There are some other issues that lie behind those feelings too, but this video did make me realize that I should try to not let these feelings take over. Thanks Cinzia, I watch your videos for quite a while now and I’m looking forward to your next videos!
@maratrenzas6732 күн бұрын
En primer lugar le dire que tiene un plelo bonito, la Biblia da conocimiento que la universidad nunca podra dar, vida eterna besos
@glenjennett2 күн бұрын
I have no problems with writing and I find inspiration everywhere, but when it comes to trying to write about my own life experiences, I find myself unable to do so because I don't want to relive them more than I already do. I feel like I need to be able to talk about them with someone face to face before I can begin to write about my life, but that seems like it is never going to happen because I have no one in my life that I feel comfortable talking to and trying to find someone feels impossible.
@deyaniragomez71692 күн бұрын
This helped me finish my draft of chapter 1 and 2 of my dissertation. THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH ❤🥰🥹
@purplelove0103 күн бұрын
Try 32 and never a boyfriend, being single at 26 is peace of cake compared to that
@alanacatherine33853 күн бұрын
True no one will tell you the real reason when they reject you a guy rejected me after he farted then went weird once I felt it had more to do with his thunder fart than me
@ConfusedMushroom3 күн бұрын
Great video, I also needed to hear these words... I hope Matilda will overcome this fear as well. I am trying to return to finish my master's after 6 years completely away from University. 6 years ago I was a broken student with a broken mental health, which was a bad combination... As a student, I had this fear of writing growing even more each year. My grades never matched the love I had for the subjects. I never received constructive feedback as well, only grades... So I always felt lost in a dark labyrinth trying to find my way out. As soon as I opened that blank new document to start writing, anxiety would take over my chest. I could manage to write half of it or even all of it, but I just couldn't turn it in... I couldn't bear another rejection. Exactly because each new try on an essay was a shot in the dark. I had no idea what was expected of me. I also didn't ask. Which I should have! I just assumed that was how things were... that my colleagues who managed to have better grades than me were just more intelligent and better suited for Academia. Now my mental health is much better and I have grown as a person, I am not "afraid" of my Professors anymore, and I don't look at them as if they are gods on earth. And even gods are flawed... So I need to take advantage of this and try to finish my master's, try to finally extinguish this fear that has kept me away from what I truly love to do.
@zayli7773 күн бұрын
i´m gonna save this video, extremely kind, thank you
@alison77583 күн бұрын
I wanted to share for Matilda that I had three professors who were absolutely horrid and unprofessional and I was not someone at the time that could stand up for myself. My first year of college I handed in my final essay of the semester in front of the entire class my professor allowed my paper to fall on the ground and he stomped all over it- resulting in a D because he did not like one of my friends. The whole class was shocked. Another professor didn’t believe me when I told him my father passed and graded me poorly all semester and I almost failed, I think I got C and D because I had two classes with this professor. I had a couple classmates pull me aside who had checked my work and helped me all semester and told me my worth and my writing isn’t measured in what this professor says. They said my work was better than theirs and they got A’s. They said please don’t allow him being a jerk to hurt your spirit. & lastly my history capstone - I wrote a feminist argument for Mary Tudor and I was failing these check ins with my essay. My women’s history professor pulled me into her office and told me she is so sorry no one told me but the professor for my capstone did not believe in feminism and so my paper no matter how good it was wouldn’t be graded fairly and I got a C. What Cinza said is 💯 true and I wanted to share my experiences as a form of support.
@alison77583 күн бұрын
I want to add as well that these professors are humans and will make mistakes but also that some will allow their own world view to influence how they treat you and your writing and it’s not a defining factor in your capabilities or who you are. Good luck!
@b_lea4 күн бұрын
This is why I love internet, your advice is highly apriciated, through this I have realized that my perfectionistic mindset runs far deeper than only in my school work and hobbys, but i have learned it from my parents behaviour, where they had poor understanding of responsibility and lack of capability to provide emotional support, so now I'm running the same pattern of hyperindependece and control over quality in even relationships with friends. Well thank you imensely, another piece is revealed
@priyankarmajumder41524 күн бұрын
Guys reject natural beauties. But then the same guys complain about not finding a natural beauty after getting dumbed by an OnlyFan material.
@eda45574 күн бұрын
no but I REALY ruin my life
@AMcGrath824 күн бұрын
Okay I started this video and saw the clever insights and "liked" the video but at some point I felt sympathetic for you, and felt terrible, because you have such a talent and I pined for you at this point. Be proud of yourself; you are fantastic. Thank you for telling people not to let themselves down. Well stated. Thank you.
@YK-vn2yr4 күн бұрын
Exactly this is what I have been feeling for months. I don't want to consume any of movies,music,yt video but I m doing it anyway while i hated it at the same time, it feels like I just somehow waiting for the day to end. Same routine everyday, I didn't enjoyed any of those movies series that I watch but I fool myself to watch them and later I just skip the parts and make them to end and then search for more content.
@Sebulon234 күн бұрын
"I'm even scared of reading at this point, it got that bad." - oh my oh my, I relate so much. Btw that Ali Abdaal on the floor in the background: 😄
@DeckerMV4 күн бұрын
What an amazing video and talk. Thank you Cinzia 💓
@caitlinwolfe30295 күн бұрын
This video reminded me of my freshman year of college. I had one Prof that basically told me I was only a C student. The other saw that I wanted to do before and pointed me to resources. In the end, I always appreciate the people who see potential and encourage. The other can go be a prof somewhere else.
@TheLadyElyen5 күн бұрын
This is such compassionate and good advice. Thank you Cinzia. Maybe one could also try to hand in unfinished work, like when that person wrote out all the arguments but not the conclusion, still handing it in, will still produce helpful feedback. And for good measure and because it's in line with the advice and cosy: Whisper of the heart, a ghibli movie, deals with exactly that topic.
@Chocokaylarobin5 күн бұрын
Someone in the comments said "You haven't met all the people that love you yet"
@brandyyoung6295 күн бұрын
Fabulous perspective! I especially like that you pointed out there's a disconnect between the system and preferences. Best of luck to the commenter! Maybe give us an update on a few months when you kick butt on a paper?
@ParticleLarry5 күн бұрын
Off topic , but your dogs always want to be around you
@broniajelmanowa5 күн бұрын
listening to this video in the background as i'm editing a paper that's long overdue precisely for all the reasons discussed here :''''') needless to say i've been dealing with a lot of shame lately and this video is extremely comforting. it's easy to feel like everyone around you is breezing through their assignments and you're the only one basically suffering the torments of hell. even though the fact is i've met way too many people who've had full on mental breakdowns over schoolwork
@gamenation94855 күн бұрын
Cinzia you always steal my heart and are so correct I let little opinions get me down in school but, that was so long ago I can't blame myself or the lecturer for it. Obviously this is uni and I see your point it's very thoughtful of you to share this, people who are self conscious and have soul destroying doubts in academia need this, as it thrusts upon young minds alot of expectations. On top of critique
@Fudge_Killer176 күн бұрын
Was in a similar relationship, we stayed friends but it kept eating at me. Kept telling myself she’ll come around… she didn’t. I was so angry when I found out she started dating someone else. It made me spiteful and bitter. I hurt her trust as a way of trying to get her to feel what I was feeling. What I did was wrong, I’ve learned for me its better to get out of those situations then staying in them.
@user-nw1sh8oc3k6 күн бұрын
I can definitely relate. At one point in my thesis, I had such an intense repulsion towards my own thesis, that I had to set a timer for 5 minutes, to take a look at my instructor's feedback, and then I had to take 10 minutes break. Then another 5 min, and then 10 min break. That is all I could do... But 5 minutes is better than 0 minutes, and eventually i build it up to 10 min, then to 15, then to 20 and 25, etc. You've got this! PhD will be hard, but you CAN do it
@drleahwatson88806 күн бұрын
Thank you for sharing this advice. I also went through these problems, and some I still experience. Every word I needed to hear, and will carry with me from now on. ❤️
@AlexSander-em8mj6 күн бұрын
I fear writing develops a habit where I communicate robotically so I chose to "wing-it* everytime to continue having the genuine interactions
@moder_nord24756 күн бұрын
Really needed this! 🥹 Thank you…. ❤️❤️
@karin5s6 күн бұрын
I spy with my little eye Ali Abdaal's book. Would you be willing to make a review? And for the topic of your video. It hits so close to home. As you pointed out, we learned we are not worth to help ... I think that so many of us, pursing degrees, writing dissertations, looking for a job in academia, came from homes with demanding parents. And that turned us into perfectionists with fear of failure, rationally knowing that we need to "fail" i.e. make mistakes, learn from them, taking feedback as just that and not as a negative criticism. We need to be beginners to be able to improve and become good. And to make it worse, we generalize it from being bad at writing to being a bad person, a stupid person. You said it all in this podcast, I would just appeal to Matilda, and all of you who viscerally felt this, find help to process the traumas that made you feel unsafe and unworthy.
@flowermeerkat68276 күн бұрын
Here is my two cents. The thing that everyone has to lose is perfectionism and the desire to be admired. Live by the rule that it will never be perfect but it can always be improved and then gauge how worth your time is versus the time to improve it. This is a skill and an art that all of us have to learn. The other point I wanted to make is about pleasing others or being admired. Eff that. Your work should be to please yourself and your passion. Of course you will have standards of grammar or other things but in the end, know the standards, meet them and then do your work to please yourself. As for writing, do a first draft and just spew it out as garbage. The best writing is in the editing, lose your fear of creating garbage, it's inevitable. Michaelangelo got an ugly rock and took away things until he made David. Make your first draft the ugly rock and you final as good a David as you wish. Value your time don't waste it to please anyone else but yourself.
@Sue-pn7mq6 күн бұрын
As a writer, I’ve noticed after a couple of years of receiving feedback it’s a skill in itself, and one a lot of people don’t master. Especially when someone is a beginner it’s important to tell them what they’re doing right, because those things are strengths they can build on. Once they know what they are, working on what can be improved is much easier. It’s sad that so many people have years taken away from them and need to take many detours because it’s harder for the majority of people to praise than to tear apart.
@IonelaCh6 күн бұрын
You have no idea how lucky you are to have a schooling system that provides (even harsh) feedback. However gut wrenching it might be, however difficult to navigate these waters, at the end of the process you come out better for it. You actually learn. You actually have a degree that means something. In my country, PhDs are a shameful degree, where most politicians plagiarise without hesitation, where professors don't give a rat's arse about what you write, as long as they get paid. This is how they keep people in school without schooling them. Literally everyone has a multiple diploma CV (at high level universities) without actually knowing anything from the field of study. And even if you want to do better, even if you want better feedback, you want engagement from them, you want to actually get a diploma that means something, the system will absolutely defeat you. This leads to a deprofessonalised society where mediocrity is in high demand, where knowing something is seen with suspicion, but where, paradoxically, only those with schooling in UK, US, France or Holland are seen as professionals.
@mattbrown27016 күн бұрын
In what country? Where are you? Paying rent eating and paying tuition all out-of-pocket and minimum wage.? England. Maybe idk
@mehmetesatguler84576 күн бұрын
Thank you. I needed this. I tried to study physics with dyslexia.
@kegar98996 күн бұрын
Thank you for this !
@debmacie16126 күн бұрын
I always told my kids they would never learn anything if they were never wrong or never made mistakes. Because that meant they were never reaching above their comfort level.
@antontaun6 күн бұрын
I would tell my 20 year old self this now; it's so incredible how hard we are on ourselves. Especially if we were victims of abuse and trauma. Thank you Cinzia
@suzanadsuza48196 күн бұрын
Thank You for this video ! Your life story is somehow similar to mine and I feel seen and heard throughout your video !
@rosamundraven6 күн бұрын
I also have the fear-of-no-doing-everything-right-in-the-first-attempt-becaus-getting-things-wrong-is-forbidden. Getting rid of this fear comes in the form of placing my worth in the right place. And understanding why I exist. And understanding my place in this world. First, I needed to clear the foundations so that the house could be properly built. I still fear, but it is disappearing. ❤
Пікірлер
You are absolutely perfect my beautiful Cinzia❤
I relate a lot to Michael's story 🥺. I'm in the process of cutting the friend I had feelings for out of my life, for my own good. It's hard but I definitely needed to hear that.
I wish I had seen a video like this 6 years ago, during my undergrade. I did graphics Design and illustration, on one project in 3rd year, all I remember about that project and the feed back was, its shit. I was just told during a feedback group discussion where we shared our work weekly, that what I had produced was shit. No actual feedback , no advice on how to improve it, just that it was shit.
Thank you. This helped.
I want to study, get a masters in history of arts, but I get imposter syndrome and my low self.esteem kills me. I feel I am not fit or good enough for anything at all, I hate it. You are so brave for daring where others only dream about it! Keep going
Wonderfully said!! I can't even put into words how much this video means to me.
"Academia is how well you fit the system" OMG that line... I agree so much! As an autistic who was failed by the school system altogether, I feel somewhat validated by that statement.
I always self-sabotage. I did that in university and I still do. I have no degree. I know it's not too late (I'm 31), but I'm too poor and too exhausted at this point... I regret not taking the help I was offered in college, I regret not doing my best.
I'm so incredibely impressed of how well spoken you are. You sound so sophisticated and I can't stop listening to you. I don't even focus on what are you talking about but your beautiful voice, accent and ability to speak such great. It's just a pleasure to hear you.
“no offence to the crochet community” * me with my hook and yarn watching this video *🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠
Thanks for sharing this. Thank you for being so lovely, and for your gracious expression of empathy- even to those who have wounded you.
I kinda feel like sharing a similar experience I’m going through right now. Like 4/5 months ago I told the girl I’ve liked for three years, also a good friend of mine, that I like her romantically. She told me in a very nice way that she didn’t feel the same way about me. That hurt a lot, but the way she told me helped in accepting it. However, Michael’s pessimistic view on love feels very familiar as I kinda feel the same way right now. I got the feeling that I will never meet a girl again that I feel this way about. Like it doesn’t matter to go on dates because it will never work out anyway. There are some other issues that lie behind those feelings too, but this video did make me realize that I should try to not let these feelings take over. Thanks Cinzia, I watch your videos for quite a while now and I’m looking forward to your next videos!
En primer lugar le dire que tiene un plelo bonito, la Biblia da conocimiento que la universidad nunca podra dar, vida eterna besos
I have no problems with writing and I find inspiration everywhere, but when it comes to trying to write about my own life experiences, I find myself unable to do so because I don't want to relive them more than I already do. I feel like I need to be able to talk about them with someone face to face before I can begin to write about my life, but that seems like it is never going to happen because I have no one in my life that I feel comfortable talking to and trying to find someone feels impossible.
This helped me finish my draft of chapter 1 and 2 of my dissertation. THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH ❤🥰🥹
Try 32 and never a boyfriend, being single at 26 is peace of cake compared to that
True no one will tell you the real reason when they reject you a guy rejected me after he farted then went weird once I felt it had more to do with his thunder fart than me
Great video, I also needed to hear these words... I hope Matilda will overcome this fear as well. I am trying to return to finish my master's after 6 years completely away from University. 6 years ago I was a broken student with a broken mental health, which was a bad combination... As a student, I had this fear of writing growing even more each year. My grades never matched the love I had for the subjects. I never received constructive feedback as well, only grades... So I always felt lost in a dark labyrinth trying to find my way out. As soon as I opened that blank new document to start writing, anxiety would take over my chest. I could manage to write half of it or even all of it, but I just couldn't turn it in... I couldn't bear another rejection. Exactly because each new try on an essay was a shot in the dark. I had no idea what was expected of me. I also didn't ask. Which I should have! I just assumed that was how things were... that my colleagues who managed to have better grades than me were just more intelligent and better suited for Academia. Now my mental health is much better and I have grown as a person, I am not "afraid" of my Professors anymore, and I don't look at them as if they are gods on earth. And even gods are flawed... So I need to take advantage of this and try to finish my master's, try to finally extinguish this fear that has kept me away from what I truly love to do.
i´m gonna save this video, extremely kind, thank you
I wanted to share for Matilda that I had three professors who were absolutely horrid and unprofessional and I was not someone at the time that could stand up for myself. My first year of college I handed in my final essay of the semester in front of the entire class my professor allowed my paper to fall on the ground and he stomped all over it- resulting in a D because he did not like one of my friends. The whole class was shocked. Another professor didn’t believe me when I told him my father passed and graded me poorly all semester and I almost failed, I think I got C and D because I had two classes with this professor. I had a couple classmates pull me aside who had checked my work and helped me all semester and told me my worth and my writing isn’t measured in what this professor says. They said my work was better than theirs and they got A’s. They said please don’t allow him being a jerk to hurt your spirit. & lastly my history capstone - I wrote a feminist argument for Mary Tudor and I was failing these check ins with my essay. My women’s history professor pulled me into her office and told me she is so sorry no one told me but the professor for my capstone did not believe in feminism and so my paper no matter how good it was wouldn’t be graded fairly and I got a C. What Cinza said is 💯 true and I wanted to share my experiences as a form of support.
I want to add as well that these professors are humans and will make mistakes but also that some will allow their own world view to influence how they treat you and your writing and it’s not a defining factor in your capabilities or who you are. Good luck!
This is why I love internet, your advice is highly apriciated, through this I have realized that my perfectionistic mindset runs far deeper than only in my school work and hobbys, but i have learned it from my parents behaviour, where they had poor understanding of responsibility and lack of capability to provide emotional support, so now I'm running the same pattern of hyperindependece and control over quality in even relationships with friends. Well thank you imensely, another piece is revealed
Guys reject natural beauties. But then the same guys complain about not finding a natural beauty after getting dumbed by an OnlyFan material.
no but I REALY ruin my life
Okay I started this video and saw the clever insights and "liked" the video but at some point I felt sympathetic for you, and felt terrible, because you have such a talent and I pined for you at this point. Be proud of yourself; you are fantastic. Thank you for telling people not to let themselves down. Well stated. Thank you.
Exactly this is what I have been feeling for months. I don't want to consume any of movies,music,yt video but I m doing it anyway while i hated it at the same time, it feels like I just somehow waiting for the day to end. Same routine everyday, I didn't enjoyed any of those movies series that I watch but I fool myself to watch them and later I just skip the parts and make them to end and then search for more content.
"I'm even scared of reading at this point, it got that bad." - oh my oh my, I relate so much. Btw that Ali Abdaal on the floor in the background: 😄
What an amazing video and talk. Thank you Cinzia 💓
This video reminded me of my freshman year of college. I had one Prof that basically told me I was only a C student. The other saw that I wanted to do before and pointed me to resources. In the end, I always appreciate the people who see potential and encourage. The other can go be a prof somewhere else.
This is such compassionate and good advice. Thank you Cinzia. Maybe one could also try to hand in unfinished work, like when that person wrote out all the arguments but not the conclusion, still handing it in, will still produce helpful feedback. And for good measure and because it's in line with the advice and cosy: Whisper of the heart, a ghibli movie, deals with exactly that topic.
Someone in the comments said "You haven't met all the people that love you yet"
Fabulous perspective! I especially like that you pointed out there's a disconnect between the system and preferences. Best of luck to the commenter! Maybe give us an update on a few months when you kick butt on a paper?
Off topic , but your dogs always want to be around you
listening to this video in the background as i'm editing a paper that's long overdue precisely for all the reasons discussed here :''''') needless to say i've been dealing with a lot of shame lately and this video is extremely comforting. it's easy to feel like everyone around you is breezing through their assignments and you're the only one basically suffering the torments of hell. even though the fact is i've met way too many people who've had full on mental breakdowns over schoolwork
Cinzia you always steal my heart and are so correct I let little opinions get me down in school but, that was so long ago I can't blame myself or the lecturer for it. Obviously this is uni and I see your point it's very thoughtful of you to share this, people who are self conscious and have soul destroying doubts in academia need this, as it thrusts upon young minds alot of expectations. On top of critique
Was in a similar relationship, we stayed friends but it kept eating at me. Kept telling myself she’ll come around… she didn’t. I was so angry when I found out she started dating someone else. It made me spiteful and bitter. I hurt her trust as a way of trying to get her to feel what I was feeling. What I did was wrong, I’ve learned for me its better to get out of those situations then staying in them.
I can definitely relate. At one point in my thesis, I had such an intense repulsion towards my own thesis, that I had to set a timer for 5 minutes, to take a look at my instructor's feedback, and then I had to take 10 minutes break. Then another 5 min, and then 10 min break. That is all I could do... But 5 minutes is better than 0 minutes, and eventually i build it up to 10 min, then to 15, then to 20 and 25, etc. You've got this! PhD will be hard, but you CAN do it
Thank you for sharing this advice. I also went through these problems, and some I still experience. Every word I needed to hear, and will carry with me from now on. ❤️
I fear writing develops a habit where I communicate robotically so I chose to "wing-it* everytime to continue having the genuine interactions
Really needed this! 🥹 Thank you…. ❤️❤️
I spy with my little eye Ali Abdaal's book. Would you be willing to make a review? And for the topic of your video. It hits so close to home. As you pointed out, we learned we are not worth to help ... I think that so many of us, pursing degrees, writing dissertations, looking for a job in academia, came from homes with demanding parents. And that turned us into perfectionists with fear of failure, rationally knowing that we need to "fail" i.e. make mistakes, learn from them, taking feedback as just that and not as a negative criticism. We need to be beginners to be able to improve and become good. And to make it worse, we generalize it from being bad at writing to being a bad person, a stupid person. You said it all in this podcast, I would just appeal to Matilda, and all of you who viscerally felt this, find help to process the traumas that made you feel unsafe and unworthy.
Here is my two cents. The thing that everyone has to lose is perfectionism and the desire to be admired. Live by the rule that it will never be perfect but it can always be improved and then gauge how worth your time is versus the time to improve it. This is a skill and an art that all of us have to learn. The other point I wanted to make is about pleasing others or being admired. Eff that. Your work should be to please yourself and your passion. Of course you will have standards of grammar or other things but in the end, know the standards, meet them and then do your work to please yourself. As for writing, do a first draft and just spew it out as garbage. The best writing is in the editing, lose your fear of creating garbage, it's inevitable. Michaelangelo got an ugly rock and took away things until he made David. Make your first draft the ugly rock and you final as good a David as you wish. Value your time don't waste it to please anyone else but yourself.
As a writer, I’ve noticed after a couple of years of receiving feedback it’s a skill in itself, and one a lot of people don’t master. Especially when someone is a beginner it’s important to tell them what they’re doing right, because those things are strengths they can build on. Once they know what they are, working on what can be improved is much easier. It’s sad that so many people have years taken away from them and need to take many detours because it’s harder for the majority of people to praise than to tear apart.
You have no idea how lucky you are to have a schooling system that provides (even harsh) feedback. However gut wrenching it might be, however difficult to navigate these waters, at the end of the process you come out better for it. You actually learn. You actually have a degree that means something. In my country, PhDs are a shameful degree, where most politicians plagiarise without hesitation, where professors don't give a rat's arse about what you write, as long as they get paid. This is how they keep people in school without schooling them. Literally everyone has a multiple diploma CV (at high level universities) without actually knowing anything from the field of study. And even if you want to do better, even if you want better feedback, you want engagement from them, you want to actually get a diploma that means something, the system will absolutely defeat you. This leads to a deprofessonalised society where mediocrity is in high demand, where knowing something is seen with suspicion, but where, paradoxically, only those with schooling in UK, US, France or Holland are seen as professionals.
In what country? Where are you? Paying rent eating and paying tuition all out-of-pocket and minimum wage.? England. Maybe idk
Thank you. I needed this. I tried to study physics with dyslexia.
Thank you for this !
I always told my kids they would never learn anything if they were never wrong or never made mistakes. Because that meant they were never reaching above their comfort level.
I would tell my 20 year old self this now; it's so incredible how hard we are on ourselves. Especially if we were victims of abuse and trauma. Thank you Cinzia
Thank You for this video ! Your life story is somehow similar to mine and I feel seen and heard throughout your video !
I also have the fear-of-no-doing-everything-right-in-the-first-attempt-becaus-getting-things-wrong-is-forbidden. Getting rid of this fear comes in the form of placing my worth in the right place. And understanding why I exist. And understanding my place in this world. First, I needed to clear the foundations so that the house could be properly built. I still fear, but it is disappearing. ❤