Coach Ken has 20 years of extensive experience in coaching individuals following a relationship break up, including helping to get an ex back, training, studying and working with those hurt by toxic relationships, narcissistic disorder, ADHD, and Borderline Personality.
Coaching Calls available at: dotheyloveme.com
BACKGROUND & EXPERIENCE
• FAMILY DYNAMICS CERTIFIED FACILITATOR
• HIS NEEDS HER NEEDS CERTIFIED FACILITATOR
• GIVE AND TAKE RADIO SHOW - LEAD WRITER
• ACADIA HEALTHCARE - DIRECTOR OF MARKETING
• ONLINE PSYCHOLOGY DEGREES - SITE MANAGER / LEAD CONTENT COORDINATOR
Пікірлер
Great advice ❤ Are you single? 😂
Every time we break up he gets with someone else. I however couldn’t imagine that. I know I’d never in a million years ever take him back even as a friend. He’s shown his true colors over and over. This video finally helped me. Out of all the videos this is exactly how I’m feeling. ADHD, over thinker, analytical, always knew it would never work between us. Less than 2 yrs married with extensive verbal abuse and the topper physical. NEVER AGAIN! They usually have an alternative relationship to go to directly from you . Blessings and strength to all of you
👍🏽💪🏽 Thank you for your channel
This was very helpful. Thank you.
I've actually done extreme no contact. Mind you, she blocked me first, but I took it the extra distance, and I blocked her on everything else, and I blocked everybody who is friends with her. I still see that she's struggling to deal with this, but I felt this was the only way that I could heal and move on emotionally.
I really needed to hear this. Thank you.
I left.. regretted it right away and she thinks I will leave again I don’t know if she has moved on but I think she is every night all day have not slept right in 3 weeks its been about a month but I’m blocked on everything because I did not know about no contact. I reached out to her friends email drove by house all of these things that I never thought was possible😔 I even after being blocked sent flowers to her work! I am doomed! Never have I been in love like this and I feel she does not care. I moved from Mn to greenbay for her 1 year completely sober relationship I started a career and it took up all my time she had 3 kids I feel in love with as well. She called me Superman and made me think she really loved me .. but no I don’t exist to her is how I feel
I just can’t move on man.. I’m in therapy now but everywhere I go I see her face
Why would my ex contact me after 3 months to tell me she has moved on with her rebound and take no credit for her wrong doings in the relationship blame me plus tell me to leave her alone even though we are in no contact.. I'm confused
Sounds like she’s looking to get a reaction out of you. I bet she’s miserable in her new relationship. Don’t waste your time responding.
What if I caused it, owned it and tired to change just not there. Is no contact advised?
Experience has shown me that if you live long enough, most of your ex-girlfriends or ex-boyfriends will come back around to you in some form or another. But okay, so what if they do? What's really going to change? You may hook up here and there or be able to make peace with them, but you can't expect the fairytale ending. I definitely appreciate Coach Ken's videos, but "no contact" is supposed to be the time period for YOU to get things back together and then move forward. You can't expect the universe to suddenly bring your ex back to you during that time just because you stop talking to them.
I was to blame for our breakup.he asked for monetary support and id been scammed before so i explained i couldnt..so he was hurt and was silent but then we made up..then he asked another favour to send me money to keep for him.i had to refuse because it was dangerous.. Then he lost trust and blocked me,but has looked at my profile on another app..so i sent one last message saying i apologised and understood if he wants to ignore me ,ill not send another message..and left it. He promised hed love me forever etc but i cant understand how someone can lose feelings like that in a day,but didnt say that. I accept responsibility i was at fault and have baggage and am trying to work in myself. I guess i just need reassurance,but it does hurt so bad, but i guess it serves me right. Any advice from anyone,id appreciate it..thankyou❤
Lets not sugar coat this , these bpd women destroy lifes everywhere they go , either the husband or , there x , security blanket always just right around the corner .
It's like you read my mind . Thank you
Love the transparency in honesty.
You’re Awesome, thanks for the advice.
I can't help thinking that the main takeaway from this video is that if you treat your BPD partner with love, respect, and show commitment to them, they will get bored and discard you. Therefore, if you want them to stay, do the exact opposite of what you would do in a healthy relationship. The thing is, nobody should have to live like that.
Pretty sound information and down to earth👍🏽👍🏽👍🏽👍🏽👍🏽
My now ex kept pushing my buttons but acted like he was just joking. I didnt bite. But it all adds up and there were a few last straws. He was very careful not to appear to be the bad guy. I had no trouble that last day being that bad guy. Outtie. Love ya babe but I finally got the message. I think it was the eye roll early on he gave me that I caught out of the corner of my eye that my subconscious mind kept poking me about too. If I questioned him about anything, I got accused of overthinking. So of course !
This may work in the case of a mentally healthy person who wants to reconcile with an ex, but Borderlines aren't mentally healthy. They may come back for a bit, but it's only a matter of time before the push/pull cycle starts again and eventually there will be another discard. I am speaking from personal experience. It's not our responsibility to navigate around their disorder when they never take accountability for it themselves. That is THEIR responsibility.
Thank You 🙏🏽
After a certain period of time …why not have no contact just evolve into it’s over. If they’re ok with not reaching out…why shouldn’t we be ok? He who cares the least wins the most.
Why is the first 5:30 minutes talking DIRECTLY to my soul. I went through all that at various times with the mini break ups. Now im in smart contact since we have a daughter and she is definitely in a rebound. Meanwhile im feeling the most attractive I have in years based on attention received and behavior shown from new options in my life. Its really a win/win for me. Some days, i miss her a tad like here and there. Some days, it bothers me and i feel it all day. Seeing other women helps in the moment and the behavior i get from them is great but the other nights i think of her often. Its no way she's not spinning the block on me since we have a daughter and 11 years but im ok if she don't. 🤷🏾♂️
My ex bf, who broke up with me 3 months ago, is now asking me if I want some food while I’m studying for my board exams. I’m currently confined and does not want to go out with anyone since I need to focus on my studies but he told me he will treat me to a good dinner after the board exam; but would like to deliver some food for me now. Should I accept it? I am not really talking to him unless he asks how I’m doing. The talk becomes light and friendly but I end it before it gets too long. It’s not that he’s a bad person, perhaps just going through overwhelming mental issues now considering he just started in his new and very demanding work in a law office. But right now, I don’t really know if I should accept the offer for food delivery from him. What do you suggest?
The building building a wall of attraction was the thing I needed to hear my friend. Thank you so much for the video. My 💔 but I've been working on myself a lot this past couple weeks. Either way, I am stronger than I was at the moment she pushed me away.
What do you do when they are in the numb state?
He left me and said that it was due to my parents never possibly accepting him and sees no future. We are long distance and he’s currently moving farther away. I said i would wait for him and give him space. Is there a chance he will come back to me after nc? :(
Would you be able to do a video about being in NC while being blocked (from the phone, not social media?
“If they don’t miss you enough to just send you a simple little text to reach out to you, they don’t miss you enough to stick even if they did come back.” That last line did it for me. Thank you.😊
What is your email address Ken ?
You're the best, coach!
Thx Ken! Excellent... how about elevated no contact.
Coach Ken please give us your insight on how to deal with a annoying guy best friend and her toxic friends.
this video has it all!! you are the best.
Thank you this really helped me.
3:30 no contact bcs re-leveraging in their head less in our; do not go in candy store to not eat candy
Ugh, I'm a female so my experience is with BPD males, you describe me basically in the 2 non narc types even though they are typically men. This vid is refreshing because it's usually frustrating online, because all the advice I see implies this is my fault and I must be broken/poor self esteem, because these people find me, lie to me, and then manipulate /scare me into staying too long. I honestly just feel like I've been preyed on. I know who I am, and I am not toxic. I really resent people at this point who push the narrative that you must be broken to attract broken people. That I'm toxic and that's why alot of my partners go toxic. The truth is I give them, true, real love and it fries their brains. The vile things their brain comes up with to devalue you is WILD. Like not even close to real at all in my case. It's like someone asked them to describe the opposite of me. Honestly most of the time I'd laugh because the accusations and insults are so out of left field. My first experience with a bpd man (that I'm sure of) he kept telling everyone I was pregnant and then when I got my period, that I lost the baby. I honestly stopped fighting him on "I'm not pregnant" after a while because that would also send him into a spiral (If I loved him, I'd give him a baby). I just started ignoring it honestly because it wasn't worth getting my stuff broken. He would cry and call others to cry about me losing the baby that didn't exist every month. When this didn't get a rise out of me (why would it besides it being weird, I'm sterile, he knew this) he then started accusing me of wanting to abort his non existent baby because I hated him. This is just one example of his insanity. He would then get violent like clockwork. I was terrified of him, knew I needed out but was so stressed, tired and scared of him I just was frozen. I've learned the signs and can weed most of them out, but next thing I know, I'm xyz number of months or years in and here we go again because their mask falls because I'm dealing with a long work day, or a dying pet. They really can't handle anything that takes attention off them for a millisecond. When I try to end these relationships I'm threatened with violence. I really do feel they go for "strong", kind, trusting people and its so frustrating and sad. This ruins good people who eventually give up on dating. Which is where I am now
dude when you started to talk about poet guy, I thought you were telling facts about my life experiences. So, Which is the "correct" way to show love and enter intimacy to a BPD woman, if you know you can't do it the traditional way?
Thanks!
Why on earth would you want to get them back!?
It was opposite for me, I accepted all of him, everything including his ADHD (amongst many other things), but he left me... maybe my Autism was too much lol..
I REALLY wish that I had watched this 4 months ago.
For me being a victim of abuse from a bpd undiagnosed man it's easier to believe that's it was all just fake. It's not love, it's attachment
Forget the no contact stuff. Whos cares about her anyway. I wanna hear what happened about this screen play and the Oscar guy!?
Apparently my type attracts them, I've dealt with a couple so far. The first was devastating because I knew nothing about it. The second I didn't recognise straight away, they're high-functioning BPD, but much easier to deal with 👋
My ex contacted me after 6 months to talk & get “peace” he said literally nothing…then came on to me obviously we did the deed, then told me a few days later it’s not going to happen again, and he just wants peace .. I said ok few days later I responded saying I had time to think about what you said aka didn’t say and I’d like to meet and discuss things for peace too.. once again he lead the way and we did the deed a lot a lot… week later said that the cycle needs to end and we are never getting back together and I need to understand that.. which in fact I never brought it up. I’m not confused about anything besides: how he wanted to make peace and said literally nothing of the topic & how he constantly repeats how we are nothing & feels nothing for me, but I never asked AT ALL. I went into our first meeting blank bc I was genuinely giving him the benefit to speak and now I’m here even more annoyed.
Great insights and advice! Thank you
There’s sooooo much great stuff in here!!! One month tonight and I’m one of those that can’t stop thinking of him BUT now I know I can choose to fixate on the bad things about him just as easily as the good. It’s all about feeling better and that makes me feel better! No contact too. Will not contact no matter what! Thanks for the help🩷🩷🩷.
I don't 5hink anything was mentioned what they were thinking... .