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Warmly,
Carey
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My ex husband called me every vile name you can think of and threatened me with divorce, saying he had already seen a lawyer, and I better get prepared, so after sitting there for a few more hours trying to decide what to do, I packed up and left. Now, he says I "walked out on him." Anybody with an ounce of self respect would have left. Whatever he wants to call it is his problem.
When these scammers start asking for money they never give up. They just keep at it until you get tired, give up and send the money. Then they never show up at the airport like they promised.
She was dishonest with him. He should just go on with his life because she will probably be dishonest in the future. If there is no honesty, how can you know what you have. I dated people who would lie to everyone. It was a disaster each time. There's no point in even talking to people that you can't trust to be honest with you.
so he wanted sex and she didnt. Looks to me like the guy is the one who should be let go.
@@Ann-pn9or, So you agree they are not right for each other. Both can go their separate ways. Do you know he really wanted sex? Maybe he wanted someone to watch movies with. It could be possible. I don't know either person.
Exactly. he didn’t say anything about sex. Isn’t it interesting how people project their own stories onto this situation?
How was she dishonest with him?
I think he shouldn’t have suggested a house date so early on. I also think she should have kindly declined and said she preferred to go out and do things. It would have been best to just communicate in the first place :) lesson learned. I wanted to add that some men might think a woman is “open” to getting more physical if u say yes to house date.
All good points. 🤎
I agree with a lot of the comments that it was way too soon to invite her over. I did texting, phone calls and coffee dates for the first 3 months after my present lady and I met. I'm also wondering about the age difference of 12 years because she might have felt a "power imbalance". I'm interested on how others feel about that. Cheers, Carey! I enjoy your videos very much!
I don’t think 12 years is much of an age difference. Especially once you’re both middle-aged. But I do agree that there was no reason to do a date at his house so soon after meeting her. Even if he had no intentions of intimacy happening. Which he did not.
I thought about the age difference for a bit, but like Carey said above me - at that age, everybody is an adult and is making their own decisions. Now if it would have been @ the first blind double date set up by a friend, that she might have been turned off with the age difference, she presumably would not have went to his place in the first place on the second date.
Sounds like he was moving a little too fast. I dont blame her for wanting to back off. You never know what she has been through in life and may have been groomed by a molestor as a kid or even pressured into sex by a date that she regretted and didn’t want to make that mistake again. I really don’t think she did anything wrong by blaming her pets to get out of there. She may have been a little freaked out and could have PTSD. My late wife and I met in high school and we waited six months before becoming seriously intimate. If she was testing me thats just fjne but in the meantime she was honest with me and shared some experiences with me that really let me know just how fragile she was and that really made me respect her and appreciate her honesty. I never pressured her and when she was ready she let me know. I think it really strengthened our relationship and once she was happy we started talking about growing old together. We talked about plans like adults would and devised hard working plans and had five jobs between the two of us. We worked so hard that we ended up as the only couple that graduated high school with our own place living together. I think some guys are just so hung up on women getting intimate with them so quickly that they forget the gender differences and have no clue how how women think. Granted some women are aggressive sexual dogs but that type is a real turn off to me. I think people are too impatient and aren’t willing to give people a Chance. Sometimes waiting for girl to be a little more sure about you is a good thing…..it sure was for me. Cancer took her from me two months ago but I have absolutely no regrets….I found a woman fit for a king and thank God I realized she was worth waiting for. Not many people can claim they had what I bad and I am truly blessed to have experienced over 30 years with that gorgeous brown eyed beauty and Ive learned so much about loving others from her I don’t doubt I could do it all over again with someone else.
He had no expectations of intimacy by the way. He just wanted to watch a movie and hang out and talk.
Wookinpanub - I am so sorry for your loss!!! Truly!
@@CoffeewithCarey ... but in the age of "Netflix & Chill" - did she understand it as such? Communication...
@@CoffeewithCarey Perhaps but like I said she may have been groomed or taken advantage of in the past and it triggered her. I adopted four girls that had been sexually molested as children and fostered over a dozen kids. Believe me when I say a man innocent intentions may really freak out a lady who has had bad experiences.
@@Wookinpanub235 I see.
I totally understand what she is feeling. I'm 54, and it's been 4 years for me, and I still feel not ready, especially on a 2nd date. Does the 90-day rule not apply anymore?
You make your own rules!!! Remember it takes 2 to tango ;o)
No rules. Everyone needs to do what makes them feel comfortable and in their own time.
Hey Carey!
👋
Thank her, then block her. She did you a huge favor.
Interesting.
Her: Not speaking up for herself and/or actually going to his place - would be a negative for me. Her: Coming up and finally telling the truth - even if via follow-up - would be a positive for me. Him: Inviting her into his place for a 2. date this early on - is kind of a negative, but he's a man - and hope waxes eternally, right? Him: Letting her go without pressuring her - is a plus for me. Him: Maintaining contact and hearing her out - also a plus. My Opinion/Suggestion: * She needs to work on clarifying her expectations with herself, setting + expressing boundaries and equally - really needs to get up to speed on current dating trends/expectations and learn a bit more about how men tick. Continuing education is def. recommended for her. * He needs to clarify to her [and maybe himself too] what he is looking for. Clearly there were no discussions ahead of time, of what either is expecting from the other. For her sake - and possibly limited dating experience - he might need to spell that out for her, whichever he is wanting. If he's your client, I'm assuming he is looking for a life partner - why else pay matchmaker fees? So in that case, if she ticks a lot of his boxes - a lot of patience, superior communication, and more important - more getting to know each other, before putting the moves on her. If he liked her - I'd scale back the level of intimacy, and work on making her comfortable and safe with him, and having enjoyable companionship, good convos, and pleasant outings first. If she was too complex or complicated for him or the effort of cultivating a relationship with her does not appear worth it, it's best to be honest and let her go to work on her ish by herself, and find someone who is more on his level of healing/wellness/readiness...
Follow up: Netflix & Chill - has an entirely different connotation these days, as it used to be when I was in my 20ies or 30ies. Anybody who has been out of the dating loop for quite some time - really should take the time + make an effort to re-educate him/herself to what's going on right now and what "normal expectations" since the conception of the hook-up culture, have become. If you're looking for more than just casual stuff - it behooves you to take your time and get with someone who can give you that time without pressuring you - and that goes for both sexes [or however many there are these days - another thing to learn about! ]
Would have waited for a couple more dates to have her over. Depending on the vibe would entertain the idea of more dates or hanging out . Moving at a relaxed pace is ok. It never hurts to be seen in the company of an attractive woman.
agree. too soon. almost lazy to not actually plan a “date”.
If I were a dating coach, I would tell him something like this: If you don't feel an attraction to her, let's move on to someone else. If you are really interested in this woman, know that it will take some time for her to feel comfortable dating a man again and sex will be many dates or months away. If you don't think you can handle putting off sex for a while, time to move on. If you see potential in her, you need to concentrate on making her feel safe and unpressured. Let her know you understand her concerns about moving too quickly. Tell her: "I promise that there is 0% chance of sex on dates 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, or 6...and that doesn't mean there will be sex on date 7. It's important to me that you feel free to relax and enjoy our date. How about we do a walk-and-talk at the park to get to know each other better? You could bring your dog if you want. If we get hungry, we can have a meal or a dessert."
Damn - you're good!
Well done! 👍
Yes, I agree. It was a little too early to hold the date at your place.
👍 And maybe kinda lazy.
I think meeting at his house on a 2nd date was a bad idea. Boundaries. & I did pause the video! Carey your a wonderful coach Thanks for all your great insights.
You even played along as suggested, Cindy? That’s fantastic. Thanks for participating! I agree a second date should be a date not a “relationship style dinner at my place”. I wish he would have discussed with me first! 🤷🏻♀️
If she's not mature or dignified enough to articulate herself honestly and respectfully, let her go.😂
I would have asked her what kind of dog she has and see if he can bond with the dog also…
Certainly, the dog would have appreciated a steak dinner and a movie. Maybe Benji!
I've been scammed by johnny Depp imposter.For 1 year.He took me for 1200.00 dollars.
I miss read the title thinking it was The Importance of Attrition. LOL.
🥴🤣
These are absolutely my wishes as a woman also!
🤎
Carey is addressing women here. I cannot imagine that any man would think in such a rigid and detailed way about anything, let alone dating. Just do what is comfortable for both of you.
It seems from the comments that both men and women have benefited from the conversation.
Because it's a bad rule. We shouldn't be dating in the first place.
Wait, what? What’s your alternative?
🥴
Please tell me I was not the only one having trouble keeping up with the flow of the video due to 1. the awkward cuts and lack of distinct room to breathe, and 2. not even explaining the titular rule, as well as leaving some sentences rather open-ended
Guess you were not alone. 🤦🏻♀️ My mind must’ve been working differently that night. I just watched it again and it made sense to me, but I seem to be alone in that. Lol. Sorry about that! New episode on Friday! 🤷🏻♀️
Very high on my list is a sober, drug-free man. He needs also to be sane. All the other things could be present, but if these are missing, the relationship is doomed.
Sounds like a fair ask. 🤎
With everybody hopping in the sack with everybody else - I'm thinking more of the 2-3 month time frame. I don't do casual s3x - didn't in the past and won't start now either - I value my emotional + physical health too much for that. But that said - I do want to know in advance that there will be chemistry + compatibility should we ever get that far. So once the interest of a potential future relationship has been established, there will be lots of flirting, laughing, hand holding, hugging, cuddling and touching, and some serious heavy duty kissing during the time leading up to the point where I would actually consider it.
You would be mistaken, if you assume that everybody is hopping in the sack with everybody else. Young people are not having any sex at all. But for your age range, I don’t know your exact age, that seems to be about the average… A couple months.
@@CoffeewithCarey I agree - a lot of younger people do not have s3x at all - but there are also plenty that do. And plenty do with an ever changing circle of partners - sometimes openly, sometimes in friendship cliques where everybody sleeps with everybody at some time or another [extended FwB Cliques - apparently that's a thing now too!], sometimes it's just cheating in supposedly monogamous relationships. I see that same principle in pretty much all age groups - including ours, especially when it comes to people actively dating. As much as rotational dating [or whatever it's called] is encouraged and even recommended in the early investigative/getting to know you stages - you can be certain that with a fair share of people that includes more than just going out for dinner, dancing, or having drinks, or whatever they do for entertainment. Add to that the ever increasing amount of ppl that do not actually want a dedicated/monogamous relationship, but won't tell the truth about that until they have landed someone in bed, there's more "sack hopping" going on, than most people are actually willing to tell. Ask any woman of any age, who thought she was in [or getting into] a relationship, but found out belatedly it was a one-night-stand, a notch on someone's belt or part of a dare or bet, or that ended in a situationship instead.
@@CoffeewithCarey Okay - I admit that I missed the boat on this video [multi-tasking instead of giving it my whole attention when I listened the 1. time] - I heard 3 DATE Rule instead of 3 DAY Rule and answered accordingly. If someone catches my interest and the first date went well - and I am open for a second one, I'll reach out to let him know that I enjoyed spending time with him if he doesn't do so first. I'm generally easy to talk to and get along with, so unless he was really shut off and I scared him on the first date - I think he would appreciate me doing so, because we both had a great time. If the date didn't go well because we didn't match up on interest levels, communication style, or physical interest - I'll sit back and see what he does.
@@ssiegreen5292 www.latimes.com/california/story/2023-08-03/young-adults-less-sex-gen-z-millennials-generations-parents-grandparents
@@CoffeewithCarey I think while this may be holding true for that demographic location - I also think it might be skewed by dare I say - race and location, and possibly economics.
I’m 71 years old, used to be kind of old fashioned but time is flying by fast and I am shortening my window and gonna make a quick move if I’m interested…
How are you liking Spain??? I hope you're having a great time, Paul!!! Are you still the only rooster on that hen bus?
@@ssiegreen5292 it’s a good trip, I am the lone guy… making the best of it… the ladies are kind..
Old-fashioned sounds boring.
@@CoffeewithCarey Agree to disagree - I like a bit of old fashioned [and not referring to the cocktail either], as long as it is balanced with common sense and not stuck in the days...
@@hump1953 Glad to hear it - hope you're having an amazing vacay!!!
Do we really need more rules?😂
No. Hence the episode!
No way. It takes a lot longer to get to know someone, for me anyway.😊 I agree no 3 day rule.
With ya!
One place you didn't mention is what I call "a church you can stomach" -- if you're "spiritual but not religious" you can still meet some great quality folks in liberal congregations you would find in places such as "Unity", "Unitarians", or "Quakers" also called "Friends Meeting." In these gatherings I've met engaged and intellectual folks who are contributing to solutions to the issues we face in modern times. Shared values are what you might discover in such meetings and while these places are always "women heavy" there is always an opportunity to "get lucky" and meet a fine male human being but it would require patience -- this is not a quick fix solution.
Good for you! 🤎👍 Love it.
I guess its all good and fine if you don’t mind the three STD rule…lol. Sorry……I might might be old fashioned but I’d like to get to know someone alot longer first. But with todays dating class of hooks ups galore I feel bad for people who cant retain the attention of someone because you didn’t jump in the sack with them quick enough.
... the 3 STD rule - that's hilarious!
Did anybody watch this episode? It’s not about the THREE DATE rule. 🤦🏻♀️
@@CoffeewithCarey Well to be honest - I had to listen to it a second time to get what you were talking about - and since the 3 DAY Rule is really not much talked about any more - I'm not surprised that everybody heard 3 DATE Rule instead. You also didn't lay it out as clearly and concise as you usually do, and even your intro in the description box is a bit misleading and ambiguous... I liked all of the comic relief responses!
@@ssiegreen5292 yeah SOMETHING happened. But I literally,within the first 15 seconds, said not to be confused with the three day rule which is about sleeping together. And then talked about communicating. Oh well. New episode on Friday! Lol
@@CoffeewithCarey I think your sense of humor just sparks the silliness from your viewers, myself especially.
do you think your date checking their phone while you’re in the bathroom is a better indication of their interest in you or their ability to sit alone with their thoughts for 3 mins? kinda the day in age we live in
I believe it is the latter… and an excellent point, albeit a little sad. But maybe they are texting their friend about how excited they are to have met such a fabulous guy! 💙🤎
3:14 is your hook (or 5:10)
Awwww. You watched. As busy as you are. So kind. Good call! Yes, 3:14 was definitely one of the shorts I posted. If you’re choosing three or four of them, they’re not always going to be as strong as number one so I have to let AI suggest what would be next best, and then next best. Then I edit them to make sure there’s enough and also not too much.