Пікірлер

• 
  @debarabian-looney35278 күн бұрын

  I. Have a question for anyone that can answer this. I confronted my father years ago and he said he was sorry.E on a card with a dozen roses. I forgave him, but then after my parents divorce.He remarried and now claims that that never happened and is demanding me to give proof of a memory which I cannot because I only have flashbacks and I know he's my molester. I love. My father which sounds strange.And I would like to have a relationship with him.But he refuses to repent even though I never bring this app.He always does and wants me to believe that it was someone else not him. Any advice is appreciated

• 
  @ChallengeStarts18 күн бұрын

  I've watched many of your videos. I want to ask... are you in a relationship?

• 
  @and1divine54718 күн бұрын

  This has given me chills when you said about the door my whole body is tingling I don’t know what’s happening

• 
  @vj998818 күн бұрын

  I honeslty wish they had stayed repressed.. my therapist started EMDR with me. At the urging of my mom. and i know it is probably for the best in the long run.. but I fucking hate it!!!

• 
  @missmagillicutty672128 күн бұрын

  God bless you🙏😇🥰

• 
  @TravelMamaAnnaVonАй бұрын

  Do you have links to th therapy that helped you remember? I don't have childhood memories and have been working on trying to get them back for a year now but still very murky. I don't know if I was sexually abused but there was other kinds of abuse and I shut all memories of both my parents out. Please share any methods anyone has to help recover memories

• 
  @birthofabadssmychildhoodse6637Ай бұрын

  I respect and know all too well your desire to get your memories back. I still only have about 10 percent of what I think I should have. Regaining memories is risky for a few reasons: memory isn't always accurate and recovering memories can be extremely upsetting and traumatizing. As a person who has survived with PTSD now for 8 years, I strongly encourage people to pursue memory recovery only to process those memories through eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) therapy or a similar technique. Effort should be made to avoid getting into too much detail, but rather should focus on body sensations. Knowing the details has been the most painful thing I've had to work through in my life. I'm in my late 50s now. Work on relieving symptoms vs. answering all of the questions.

• 
  @AlizaeMontanoАй бұрын

  I don’t even need to think about the body sensations. I feel them to this day…. But my memory is foggy. I struggle with it.. my mind tells me It could have been a dream.. I know some details, I was 6 when it could have occurred… herapy sounds like a good way to go. Thank you.!

• 
  @AlizaeMontanoАй бұрын

  Therapy **

• 
  @mountainpeakcloud84422 ай бұрын

  Thank you for making this video about repressed memories as related to childhood sexual abuse, especial addressing the detractors of repressed memories. Through recent therapy, as a man in my 40s, I regained some memories of being molested when I was 6. After reading some articles from the people online saying that repressed memories was not real (even from some commenters who said that if you were abused you could never forget), I thought I was going crazy, and started to doubt myself, which made it harder. I have suffered from drug abuse growing up, self sabotaging behavior, low self esteem, depression, anxiety, brain fog... you name it, I had it, and I also suffered from memory loss of when I was a young child, only having little snippets of memories. I always thought my bad memory (even as I got older) was due to my drug abuse as a teen, and didn't think it could possibly due to sexual assault (I was again sexually assaulted in college), and other traumatic experiences. It's helpful to learn that repressed memories are a thing. It's still all very confusing, and sometimes I wonder if I crazy or not.

• 
  @birthofabadssmychildhoodse66372 ай бұрын

  Thanks for your encouragement. I appreciate hearing from other people who have had similar experiences. It still doesn't feel real to me. However, so much else has improved in my life. Keep working on your recovery. It gets better.

• 
  @tjwms93452 ай бұрын

  I wish I could visit with you. I no longer have social media of any kind. But I have questions and I think you may can help me understand the craziness I feel by not having full memories of my childhood. I’m a couple of months in to my second year with my sixth counselor since the early 1990’s. He is wonderful, an older gentle man that specializes in CPTSD. I travel an hour and forty minutes one way to see him once a week, then I am completely wiped out and emotionally exhausted for the next several days. I’m having weird dreams, anxiety dreams that I cannot describe once I’m awake. I know my abuser(s), my mother allowed men to molest me at an early age, my youngest memory is of me being in thick cotton trainer panties and she’s left me alone with a strange man. The only memories I do have of my childhood is in “snapshot” form. Thank you for being brave enough to put yourself out here even when some are so unkind. There are those of us who need to hear you and hope…

• 
  @birthofabadssmychildhoodse66372 ай бұрын

  Thank you so much for your comments and encouragement. I'm so sorry you were molested as a child. It is such a dreadful thing to happen to any child. I've learned to brush off the negative comments about my videos pretty well. I understand your desire to talk to another survivor. I really needed to do that when I first started to deal with my trauma. I felt like what I knew happened couldn't have possibly happened because I couldn't remember it. My brain was protecting me. Denial is a defense mechanism and I've learned to make peace with it. I still have some. It is very painful to have large holes in childhood memories. I still feel like parts of myself are missing. However, I've come to know who I was as a child so much better now, and I comfort and nurture that part of myself. I've been in recovery for 8 years now and I'm doing very well. It may be helpful for you to try EMDR if your therapist agrees. Keep fighting for yourself. You are worth it.

• 
  @tjwms93452 ай бұрын

  @@birthofabadssmychildhoodse6637 😘🤗🙏❤️💕 Thank you so much for replying back to me, for validating me in my struggles to make some bit of sense of the “why’s”. My counselor does EMDR and we have worked with this method earlier but I can only walk in the memories up to just before any sexual abuse begins then the black wall comes down over my memory we were working on, blocking everything and stops the session. How do I push through? Is it safe to push myself beyond what my mind wants me to remember? There was more abuse than sexual, beatings that left me covered in bruises, I’ve eaten from dumpsters, and out of the trash while my mother never missed a meal. The verbal assaults were just as damaging- teaching me to believe I wasn’t worthy of any value other than what she got out of abusing me. WITH her last man, that abuse went from the age of 8 yrs to four months shy of my fourteenth birthday - It only stopped because I started my period when I was almost 14 yrs old, she didn’t want him to get me pregnant. 😭😭😭 I married at sixteen - I believe to get away from the house of terror!

• 
  @celiaescalante2 ай бұрын

  Thanks. I need more hugs.

• 
  @birthofabadssmychildhoodse66372 ай бұрын

  Sending a hug your way.

• 
  @karinalafayette88142 ай бұрын

  I don't know if I was molested but I have that hunch. There's especially that anxiety near my lower body and my mom also tried to accuse my uncle, but it was not him. If it happened, it was her. She used to walk around naked, make comments about my looks and sometimes would watch me change. There's other things that I do remember that I can't type on a platform like KZread. Maybe one day, I'll remember more, but I'm scared. I stopped talking to her in 2014.

• 
  @birthofabadssmychildhoodse66372 ай бұрын

  I'm sorry that happened to you. I stopped talking to my abuser, my father, too. He died a few years ago. Glad he's no longer a threat to anyone. It may help you to talk to a therapist. I understand the fear. I had it too. After 8 years of therapy, I'm not so terrified anymore and life is good again.

• 
  @Backup-ds8pq3 ай бұрын

  How did you recover these memories? I want to know how to retrieve mine if it happened idk im 15 incant remember but i know something happen

• 
  @birthofabadssmychildhoodse66372 ай бұрын

  I wish I had an answer for you. There's no way to retrieve memories that is safe and effective. It can occur during EMDR, but it is a byproduct of the process, which is designed to relieve symptoms. It is important to recognize that symptoms like flashbacks are memories. Getting the memories back can be overwhelming. It isn't all bad to have some memory loss.

• 
  @DemeshiaParker3 ай бұрын

  I went all the way back to age 6😢

• 
  @AlizaeMontanoАй бұрын

  Me too. It all came back to me when I was 18.

• 
  @amy123at3 ай бұрын

  Again, what’s with the “ummms”? Love your videos but it gets annoying

• 
  @birthofabadssmychildhoodse66373 ай бұрын

  Thanks for the feedback. I'm dissociated. That's one of the PTSD symptoms I struggle with the most. I couldn't make these videos today because I'm not as dissociated from the trauma and the pain. The good news is that I'm doing better.

• 
  @amy123at3 ай бұрын

  Umm umm ummm 😆❤️

• 
  @birthofabadssmychildhoodse66373 ай бұрын

  See my response. It's part of my trauma response. I was only a couple of years into my recovery. I didn't know what I didn't know. I dissociate and it makes my thoughts somewhat disconnected.

• 
  @CharliReef3 ай бұрын

  researching because a rape scene in an anime I was watching, that was intentionally disturbing, may have disturbed me more than it was supposed to? I've been a bit messed up recently, don't like looking at any porn, I can't erp without thinking about that scene, Idk if it's the anime itself that traumatized me, or something deeper, but I just want to know

• 
  @londonlynn9853 ай бұрын

  Thank you 💜

• 
  @loahyvalley97973 ай бұрын

  Thank you so much for your sharing, your authenticity and bringing hope to others❣️💖

• 
  @TheEvelyn19714 ай бұрын

  I am going through exactly what you were talking about. I’m not going crazy, this video has helped me so much, thank you I don’t feel so lonely anymore.

• 
  @birthofabadssmychildhoodse66373 ай бұрын

  I'm sorry you are going through this too. It is really tough, but after 8 years of recovery now, I'm feeling better than ever. Hang in there and keep trying different approaches until you find what works for you. Thanks for commenting. When I made these videos, I did it because there weren't enough of them by people who have had the experience of having memories return. I'm so glad it helped you in some way. I wish you the best in your recovery.

• 
  @theshulamite674 ай бұрын

  How were you ever able to tell your therapist? I am really struggling, and I'm afraid to tell her what I remembered or I am afraid of what I remembered. I don't know which. Can you be in shock from a really horrific memory/flashback?

• 
  @birthofabadssmychildhoodse66373 ай бұрын

  My therapist told me--I had a nightmare and told him about it. It was hard to tell about the nightmare and then he said that he thought it wasn't a nightmare, it was a flashback. I denied it for months. When I talked about the abuse, I'd lose my voice, and that continued on and off for a year. My voice would change into a weird squeaky sound. I realized at the start that my father, my abuser, owned all of the shame and guilt. Each time I had to talk about it, it got easier. When I started to have nightmares and flashbacks, I also began to develop other PTSD symptoms. Consider it this way when you are talking to your therapist: you are investing your time and the therapist is being paid for the time, so you might as well get as much out of the sessions as you can. If you have to write out what you want to say and give that to your therapist, that's fine. I've done that in the past.

• 
  @theKtrip4 ай бұрын

  Thank you for sharing. Made me feel less alone.

• 
  @persevere63264 ай бұрын

  Her experience…. As I get older, am finding out is common. The difference is that most escape rather than confront, when this occurrence happens. Through alcohol, porn, etc.

• 
  @medihakeskin4 ай бұрын

  i have similar symtomps. the worst part is, my abuser abused me in a very subtle (?) way, in blurred lines. i remember singular memories like he comments on my body sexually, his grabbing my boob and saying "oh her boobs started to grow". but 6 months ago, i've had flashbacks about him kissing and sucking my neck when i was around 5 to 8. i always felt disturbed when my neck is open and cover it with my hands and cover it with blankets at night. but after i started to remember those memories, i realize why i felt so terrified about my neck being open and also felt helpless, because when you say you sexually abused as a child people expect to hear something like rape. but what he did to me makes me feel disgusted. i disgusted my body. i relive those times he lay on me and runs his mouth through my neck, blowing his breathe to my neck and the sound he makes while doing it, sucking my neck for minutes just like that. when i told my mum about it, she said "it's the way of his loving, if he was an assaulter he would've done more than that" and that was the answer i was afraid of. i felt helpless, even thought i wish he did more so i could report and expose him, but now no one will believe me. but i can differ a loving kiss from his kissing and sucking ans breathing to my neck for minutes laying on me like playing some sort of fantasy on me. and he never kissed me on my cheek or forhead like a normal father, he never even used to hug me but suddenly became so full of love when it comes to sticking his fucking head on my neck. i feel sick and helpless.

• 
  @birthofabadssmychildhoodse66374 ай бұрын

  First, I'm so sorry this is happening. No one has a right to touch you. Sucking on your neck is not appropriate. If you are a minor, you have some options. It may be helpful to reach out to your local domestic violence and sexual abuse agency to get some information and counseling. It sounds like what he is doing is sufficient to report to me, but I'm not an expert in this area. You have a right and obligation to protect yourself. My heart goes out to you.

• 
  @freebie8085 ай бұрын

  😢

• 
  @freebie8085 ай бұрын

  😢

• 
  @freebie8085 ай бұрын

  😢

• 
  @mpcr105 ай бұрын

  Uhm uhm uhm. I wanted to concentrate on what she was talking about but her uhms just made me so mad

• 
  @orangesodabliss5 ай бұрын

  I’m so scared that this is me. I have a feeling it just might be. I’m only 19 though, so I don’t think my subconscious mind can recover this memory.

• 
  @birthofabadssmychildhoodse66375 ай бұрын

  Hi. I'm sorry to hear that you are having concerns you may have been molested as a child. If something is there, it will come out when the time is ready. Everyone benefits from focusing on mental wellness and wellness overall. For survivors, it is even more important. Make sure you have support in your life. Sources can be friends, family, religion or spirituality, such as through connection to nature, one or more pets, and a hobby or two that you really love. Look into mindfulness and yoga which have been shown to improve mental health. These are some of the steps you can take that will benefit you whether you have to work through trauma or not. I wouldn't want to wish what happened to me on anyone, but if you've gone through something similar, you'll work through it and you will be okay.

• 
  @HaydenSway5 ай бұрын

  Ty for helping me finally realize i probably have major PTSD and helping me understand why some of these thoughts happen the way that they happen**

• 
  @birthofabadssmychildhoodse66375 ай бұрын

  I'm sorry you are struggling with symptoms. Working with various therapists made a big difference for me. If you don't have healthcare coverage, agencies for domestic abuse and sexual assault often provide free or low-cost counseling. If your symptoms are PTSD, they may worsen, so finding counseling may be very important. I wish you all of the best.

• 
  @HaydenSway5 ай бұрын

  @@birthofabadssmychildhoodse6637 just got back into program where im gonna have a psychiatrist for medications and also a therapist to talk to.. my first appointment with psychiatrist isnt until april but my psychiatrist and primary care doctor are able to talk to each other now so my current doctor can prescribe me more of the right medications or dosages of medication i need for what im dealing with.. i mainly suffer from severe anxiety and hearing voices constantly all day everyday which is diagnosed as psychosis/schizophrenia but really its like real people talking to me in my head constantlty all day every day and theyre terrible people but with that probably comes alot of trauma never talked to a doctor about possibly having ptsd though and also my memory is pretty bad when it used to be amazing. But thank you.

• 
  @HaydenSway5 ай бұрын

  So far 3min into the video and i feel exactly like that at the age 23 but don't know who my abusers mightve been

• 
  @lacyInmon19785 ай бұрын

  I was repeatedly sexually abused by a relative from the age of 9 years old until I was 12 and I suffer from PTSD

• 
  @birthofabadssmychildhoodse66375 ай бұрын

  I'm so sorry. It is so tough. Don't give up on new and old ways to reduce your symptoms. Last year, I did some additional EMDR and it has been life-changing. No more multiple daily flashbacks. I'm really living my best life now.

• 
  @shiftingsebster55035 ай бұрын

  I was talking to my mums ex-fiancé's daughter and she said she was sexually abused by her dad (this ex) and a load of shit just came back. I remember him doing things but i don't know if i'm just idk.... faking it. but i feel like something big did happen.

• 
  @thisshiningrose89295 ай бұрын

  This was 5y ago, I juat wanted to say this information helps me feel validated. Last night i had a scary flashback, that I was a child and I know it was sexual assault of graphic form. (My older sister has a memory of this abuser raping her) It was horrible, like you described like its actually happening. I couldnt make it up. I dont have a therapist but my heavenly father is an amazing listener. Its only been 6y since i left my abuser, im actually only 17, but theres been a big change in my life and i feel very safe here. Maybe thats why? Thanks again and blessings :)

• 
  @birthofabadssmychildhoodse66375 ай бұрын

  I'm sorry to hear that you are dealing with symptoms like mine. If you are safe and you have found support in your faith, you are in a place of strength. Don't hesitate to seek more help if you need it. I wish you all of the best in your healing.

• 
  @Magestik86 ай бұрын

  So if you can’t trust all recovered memories why trust any of them , I don’t understand

• 
  @birthofabadssmychildhoodse66376 ай бұрын

  We need to believe in recovered memories because they have a cause. What we call recovered memories is actually a cluster of symptoms that is very consistent across people with severe childhood trauma. This includes flashbacks, nightmares, nausea, emotional outbursts, aggression, insomnia, depression and thoughts of suicide. People suffering from these symptoms, without effective therapy, often do die of suicide, and live at greatly increased risk for substance abuse issues. After I began recovering my memories, I've since learned I wasn't the only child my father attempted to abuse, and he did the exact same thing to her that he did to me. Accepting the truth is part of recovery.

• 
  @davidwood3216 ай бұрын

  Thanks so much for making this video. A year ago, as a 48-year-old man, it essentially just came to me one day that my mother had sexually abused me. I have never had any memories, I think I was really young, pre-verbal. But I have processed some much since then and I have become convinced/aware she also tried to kill my by chocking me (maybe multiple times) and was generally really physically violent. It has seemed monstrous and pure evil. I can tell from what has come out of my body that I am very lucky to be alive and very lucky to have had somewhat of a functional life. But the fact it had happened explained EVERYTHING about my experience of life and how I have lived. Since then I have really never not believed it happened and always believed it was her. Well, my body believes it was her, I struggle to reconcile her ability to do it because when I was older, post five years old, she was very mild mannered. She was emotionally cold but also guess I had to make myself think she was much nicer and more loving than she really was. I do remember her rages from when I was about four years old, which was really was the crack that opened the door to me intellectually believing she was capable of it. You know, nice Catholic school teacher who went to mass EVERY Sunday. She was also quite passive, though maybe passive aggressive, and downtrodden. Cold in a way but really the opposite of menacing. I told my older sisters recently - I had not spoken to any of my family for about four years - and they believed me. I was shocked about that because, as I explained I have no memory. They said they were still trying to come to terms with how it was possible from the woman they know but still believed me. I think it says a lot about the dynamics and feel of our family that they believed it was possible. I still do struggle with being angry at my mother and holding her to account. And I also take on her feelings and want to protect her. I think that might also be affected by the level of covert incest in my family as well. And what if I am wrongly accusing her? I just need to remember what my body is telling me. And this video really helped have confidence in that. I have never spoken to or heard from people who knew they were abused but did not have memories. This week I have written her a letter telling her I know what she did and that I am as angry as hell. And describing exactly what it did to me and how it has felt and I have processed it in healing. How evil and terrifying and repulsive. And how it has almost killed me over and over again. I am also going to tell her she has the chance to admit it to me, and free herself before she dies. I don't think she will do that, but I also don't really need her to admit it. It would be nice but I know I will heal without it. I am confronting for the sake of my inner child. One other aspect I am struggling to reconcile is after spending more than 30 years extremely depressed from the age of 16, when I completely shut down being able to function, and seeing more than 30 mental health professionals, not one of them had ever even asked me about the possibility of this. Mostly, obviously, they told me I had "depression" and sometimes I had a chemical imbalance. And then I was diagnosed with "treatment resistant depression". The arrogance and ignorance of that diagnosis is breathtaking. So much of the mental health industry seems ludicrous to me; a bunch of people unconsciously trying to intellectualise things and make them biological, perhaps because they cannot bear to consider the own suffering in their own childhoods and to hold their parents to account. I love that I have found this video and all of these tragic, yet wonderful comments. It has all helped me in a really horrible day. Thank you all.

• 
  @birthofabadssmychildhoodse66376 ай бұрын

  I'm so sorry for all that has happened to you. I have been in recovery now for almost 8 years and I am truly living my best life. I'm 58 now. Many of the issues I had prior to knowing that I was abused have resolved through therapy. EMDR was very helpful to me. I did more after making these videos and believe it can be done in a lower pain way. The final round pretty much eliminated my flashbacks, panic attacks, and eternal sadness. It is hard to explain, but I lived with an undercurrent of sadness for all of my life and now that undercurrent is neutral. I've come to accept that I have mixed emotions for my father, including love. Giving myself permission to just feel them and not pick one has been very helpful. Don't give up on recovery. You are clearly very bright, articulate, and compassionate. There's great beauty and joy to be found in healing and growing after trauma.

• 
  @davidwood3216 ай бұрын

  @@birthofabadssmychildhoodse6637 Hey, thanks for your wonderful compassion. I hope I can give some that to others one day too. I relate to the undercurrent of sadness, that has been my life too, as well as terror. I have tried EMDR and it played a part however I found when it became deeper showing emotion to another was too hard because of my smashed attachment and I intuitively sensed I had to go off by myself and have to pain just with me and my inner child. And I have done that with the help of psychedelics, which really have been the only way I have found to allow my defences to drop and allow some protection from how painful the release is. Once again thanks for sharing you story in these videos, and your encouragement, all these years after you post them. It has been an amazing help to me.

• 
  @adamstruthjourney12266 ай бұрын

  I have a friend whose wife is possibly starting to remember childhood sexual abuse. He mentioned this to me asked what he should do. He clearly loves her and i am always hearing about her anxiety and panic attacks, and she even has many unexplainable health problems that i theoririze are linked to some early trauma. What advice can I give him to help support her and should he encourage her to seek help?

• 
  @birthofabadssmychildhoodse66376 ай бұрын

  In my opinion, I'm not sure there's much advice you can give, but you can be there to listen to him. Therapy for both husband and wife might be helpful. Even if no trauma is involved, the symptoms you've described can be managed through therapy. I think my husband would have benefitted from some therapy while I was recovering.

• 
  @curlupnde6 ай бұрын

  These bad memories came back when I was 13, im now 15 and dealing with it has been so hard, especially because I got out of therapy. The worst part is that I still have to see the 2 people who abus3d me when I was younger, because they are apart of family, it hurts that I can't enjoy my holidays without constantly feeling trigered. ( Pls don't say that I should tell my parents, if I thought that I would be safer after, would have done that way sooner, but that just doesn't feel like an option). I am gonna try to find a new therapist because I don't think I can continue suffering alone, physically and mentally, all of me hurts and I start to think that there's no more hope for me to have a goood life.

• 
  @birthofabadssmychildhoodse66376 ай бұрын

  You are so amazingly strong. You know what is best for you, and you are mature well beyond your years. I too suffer from pain during the holidays, but not like yours. I'm so sorry. It sounds like therapy has helped you in the past; trying again might help. Don't give up. We survivors are tough and when we put our energy and focus into it, we can achieve incredible things. My thoughts are with you. Perhaps you can fake the flu? Hang in there. It gets better. Hugs to you and best wishes for a better 2024.

• 
  @Abbyjustso6 ай бұрын

  I was only 4 😭😭😭

• 
  @hollylott34666 ай бұрын

  So grateful for sharing your story. As a fellow survivor and going through my own repressed memories it has been a struggle. The fight with denial and confusion has been the hardest part. The journey of self trust and love is hard and you are a badass and so am I. Thank you thank you thank you

• 
  @birthofabadssmychildhoodse66376 ай бұрын

  Thank you. I have been in recovery for seven years now and still need words of encouragement and validation. I'm continuing to make progress and can say that I'm now living my best life. I wish you the same.

• 
  @TofuTeo6 ай бұрын

  What a helpful video, thank you ❤ Please don’t ever take your videos down if possible. They’re so helpful for trauma survivors like myself. Your honestly and love and compassion come through. Thank you for your sincere efforts to help others. It means so much and makes such a big difference.

• 
  @TofuTeo6 ай бұрын

  This video is such a blessing, truly. I'm glad it exists on the internet. It's a rare one.

• 
  @TofuTeo6 ай бұрын

  Sending love to you and your husband. What a beautiful story of love and safety and trust. ❤ How old were you when you met him? I'm still waiting for my guy to show up 🥺 I know I need that steady pillar of love and support in my life, beyond just what I'm able to offer myself (even though I do love myself too)

• 
  @birthofabadssmychildhoodse66376 ай бұрын

  I met my husband at 17. I was very lucky. It sounds like you are ready to find love and are mature enough to make it work. All the best to you.

• 
  @TofuTeo6 ай бұрын

  4:03 You chose to stay out of love, and that's a beautiful thing... far more than words can express. I know Jesus loves you and is so pleased with you for that loving choice. I'm so sorry for what happened to you and I have so much respect for you.

• 
  @TofuTeo6 ай бұрын

  Thank you so much for talking about this and helping us feel less alone. I wasn't sexually abused but I have CPTSD from childhood abuse. I'm praying for all of us <3 I feel like that the same evil forces that plant intrusive thoughts to kill ourselves are the same evil forces behind child sexual abuse and other vile atrocities. May we all be protected as we heal. ❤

• 
  @birthofabadssmychildhoodse66376 ай бұрын

  Thanks so much for your encouragement. I wish you all of the best in your recovery.

• 
  @ElaisAyling17 ай бұрын

  💛💛

• 
  @ElaisAyling17 ай бұрын

  Thank you for sharing your story. I came across these videos, searching for validation of my memories, sensations, and flashbacks. You are VERY brave to share your story. I am still coming to terms whit what happened. My physical sensations and the way my body reacts confirm I was abused, but since I have very few memories and images, my mind resists accepting that the abuse actually happened. Sometimes, I still feel unreal, like I am watching a movie. It has been very hard. Thank you again for this videos, it have helped me a lot! I am so glad that you are doing well!!

• 
  @birthofabadssmychildhoodse66377 ай бұрын

  I am so sorry you are suffering from the same symptoms I had. It is painful in so many ways. I've been working on my recovery for seven years and I am doing very well. What you describe is completely consistent with my symptoms. Denial is both friend and foe. I still have a layer of it, but I've learned to see it as something that's just there to protect me. I found it very helpful to find a good therapist and psychiatrist. Medication may be helpful in taking you through tougher points. In a person with symptoms like yours, depression is very common. I found it helpful to plan ahead. After I made these videos, I had a second flare of PTSD and depression that was my period of grieving. Your condition is real, it is serious, but if you invest in your recovery, you will survive and find your best days ahead. My heart goes out to you. If you don't have healthcare coverage, your local domestic violence and sexual abuse agency may offer free or low-cost counseling.

• 
  @TofuTeo7 ай бұрын

  If you don't mind me asking, what is at the root of denial? Is it because our perpetrators were good to us sometimes, so there's cognitive dissonance concerning the "good" parts of the relationship VS the horrors that happened? Almost like reality crumbles because they were a monster all along and had kept that lie hidden as they interacted with you normally? All the good memories being a lie? Thank you.

• 
  @birthofabadssmychildhoodse66377 ай бұрын

  These are great questions. You clearly have a lot of insight into this kind of sexual abuse. The denial is both simple and complicated and everything you've written above is likely part of why denial happens. The simple answer is that we don't want it to have happened. We don't want to be the victim, and in my case, because my father was my abuser, I didn't want him to have done that to me. It does feel like reality crumbled for me. It still does, seven years later. There is a great deal of cognitive dissonance. The person who I believed protected me instead harmed me more than any other person in my life, for his own pleasure. Just yesterday, I was thinking that trying to absorb who my father was, given the good and bad, is so impossibly big and mixed up that it is like trying to eat something you can't possibly consume at once, like an entire wedding cake. And, wheat makes me sick to my stomach, hah!

• 
  @catalinamartinez56347 ай бұрын

  When I opened up to my family about my flash backs they secretly recorded me and delivers the message to the abuser and now I've had to cut off all of my family, after being physically attacked and the abuser is a complete narcissist and was able to make them believe that I am crazy and it is just terrible. I am thinking about making a KZread channel about my past abuse and on this topic and my flash backs and everything. Thank you for sharing!

• 
  @birthofabadssmychildhoodse66377 ай бұрын

  Hugs to you. My abuser was a narcissist too and denied he did it. Best of luck to you.

• 
  @TofuTeo7 ай бұрын

  I'm so sorry that happened to you. Sending you lots of love and care. Please be kind and gentle with yourself during this time, and take very good care of yourself <3 Choose yourself first and prioritise your needs during your healing journey. It's okay to be a little "selfish". And that youtube channel sounds like a great idea. Every voice mattes when it comes to speaking up about these issues.

• 
  @user-el9pv8ig1r7 ай бұрын

  Recent flash backs were a little similar to what you said. Then all sudden it was like my brain put it together and i could experience the touch and pain and see myself what was done to me and how i attempted to stop it unsuccessfully . I know i could of not seen it happen like a movie but I'm 100 percent sure of that memory of that experience. I'm 67 years old and i was around 5 years old when rectal sex was done to me by a older brothers retirement gives more time for memory to come to surface that been hid for decades. Started therapy 2 weeks ago to help me through this.

• 
  @birthofabadssmychildhoodse66377 ай бұрын

  I wish you all of the best in your recovery. Therapy did a world of good for me.

• 
  @ashoftmrw7 ай бұрын

  ive had emotional flashbacks for years without realizing it but no visual element. But last year I had a massive sensory flashback while in bed with my boyfriend. I was already having a panic attack for some reason - can’t remember what at this point - but my boyfriend (who was genuinely trying to be loving and supportive) spooned against me and held me to calm me down which does usually work but then he started stroking my arm and said “good girl” and I was suddenly having a horrific flashback to being molested by my father. I immediately jumped out of bed and when I looked at my boyfriend, it was like I could see my fathers face overlaid on his face. And then it turned into the man who raped me at 14 overlaid on his face. Just for a millisecond each but I looked away and looked back a few times, hoping I’d just see my boyfriend but time and time again his face turned into my fathers face and my rapists face. It was horrific

• 
  @birthofabadssmychildhoodse66377 ай бұрын

  The flashbacks are so tough. You may find EMDR to be helpful with them.