Modern Therapist's Survival Guide®
Modern Therapist's Survival Guide®
It’s time to reimagine therapy and what it means to be a therapist. We are human beings who can now present ourselves as whole people, with authenticity, purpose, and connection. To support you as a whole person and a therapist, your hosts, Curt Widhalm and Katie Vernoy talk about how to approach the role of a therapist in the modern age.
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A Quick Note:
Our opinions are our own. We are only speaking for ourselves - except when we speak for each other, or over each other. We’re working on it.
Our guests are also only speaking for themselves and have their own opinions. We aren’t trying to take their voice, and no one speaks for us either. Mostly because they don’t want to, but hey.
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Shoulda called this one "when is it acceptable to discriminate against men", and the answer seems to be, "when you are a woman"
I have always found cbt to seem very condescending and ultimately naive. I do not want to imagine a new set of beliefs that might he more convenient, and then try to convince myself that I believe them instead of what I actually believe. And I spent years doing the "behavioural approach", making myself do things even though i didnt want to, and spoiler, it never made me feel better. I do not have such a poor understanding of myself that I cannot predict how certain behaviours will make me feel. It didn't help decades ago (parent saying "you'll enjoy yourself once you're there!") and it doesn't help now.
I got certified to become a I got certified to become a peer support specialist through RI international in San Diego california. I love the way they did it! They started first with a class to learn how to help ourselves they gave us tools for us to work with in our own recovery and then we did another class on how to help others. And I love the way that they did that. I now move to New York and I'm taking the peer support classes to become certified in new york. But I don't mind because what I didn't learn like there to become certified in new york. But I don't mind because what I didn't learn like there to become certified in new york. But I don't mind because I can carry what I did learn in California and learn new things here in New York because I'm sure there's going to be things that I didn't learn in california. So actually I would like to be certified in all states so that I can keep learning from people different ways to do it because the most important thing to me is being an effective peer advocate for others.
Therapists have to be careful not to locate the problem solely in the individual. Friendships are no longer prioritised in our culture, and it's hard to make friends.
It treats them like defective women. Not hard to awnser.
Men need a complete hearing with plenty of safe space to say what is truly on their minds supper fine details need well packed answers that work. Such as There is no agency for me as a individual.
I hate CBT.
I've been in therapy many years. In some ways it has been helpful but in other ways it's useless. I get annoyed that they say thoughts cause feelings and freewill exists. I cannot change how i feel no matter what i think. Basically all that works is going to sleep. Once I'm agitated and my thoughts are racing, breathing, mindfulness, journaling, etc is worthless. Getting away from the situation helps but is useless if I'm at my job. I'm getting annoyed thinking that I can control my thoughts. Some thoughts make things worse, but no amount of positive thinking changes my negative thought process. It's a feeling that is causing the negativity, not the other way around.
An expert witness huh? Not sure if you know this about our court system but expert Witnesses are purchased by both sides and essentially an expert comes up with whatever the hell you need them to say on the stand. He's going to have to do a lot better if he wants any credibility in my eyes. Especially since those expert Witnesses don't necessarily work for free, or for cheap those bastards cost thousands of dollars.
Also just saying this from a male perspective, if I found out that a therapist I was talking to believe there were more than two genders. I would instantly walk out and never speak to them again. Not sure if you know this but it is the multiple genders who continuously demean the very existence of men. Particularly straight white men who are now deemed as the evil of all patriarchy and must be taken down many pegs. And I'm not even white I'm just freaking afraid.
Interesting regarding the conversation around anger, I don't actually think anywhere in my life I'm allowed to be angry short of alone and in my room. Maybe around my friends, but definitely not anywhere around the people I live with. I am allowed to be happy though, that's because me being happy really does not interfere with anything, or disturb anything.
Great episode! I liked your practical examples. However, I think the discussion could have been enhanced by including the principle of veracity or dealing truthfully with individuals found in the ACA code of ethics. When faced with dilemmas of autonomy, beneficence, and nonmaleficence, veracity can serve as a valuable counterbalance. While we should avoid imposing our morality directly on clients, we can still strive to provide accurate information about the potential outcomes of various choices(Psychologically, behaviorally, or otherwise). This respects the client's autonomy but also allows counselors to still deal with reality. I also like to conceptualize these ethics within the golden mean idea. It's possible to bring any of the foundational ethics to their excess and deficiencies. Thanks for your work!
Where is angry accepted? Not work, school, shops or with the family. I think what is meant here is that anger doesn't take away from manliness... not that its been accepted.
Therapy is RUBBISH.... PLUS.. I have had long term relationships with ( Three ) LCSW's.... Never again...they we're NUTS ,..BONKERS , SICK.. all three of them and very weird too. ...go have " Counseling" with ' traditional ' Elders...not some women from a totally different world than yours,...i don't care what the ' dsm ' says garbage....i am sixty three...and a. Former Hairdresser...
The only therapist who would ask, why are you asking for a coach, is an incompetent therapist.
One thing I have noticed is that poly people look down on siwngers, swingers dont' look down on poly. When telling poly people I also swing I always get " I am not a swinger" I need to have a connection with someone. When in reality that is most swingers I have met too.
calling rules boundaries are people that have something against possessive terms and don't follow rules well. They are the same thing. it's just a mental gymnastic one does to trick themselves or their partners.
prove me wrong. Poly people are or were broken by a bad breakup and in the process of healing they now distribute their needs across multiple people and also refuse to be someone else's everything. Some are happy but most are actually depressed and lying to them selves that they are happy. The whole point of finding the right person is that person is your everything. But people suck and it's hard. You have to work at it and grow with each other. I also have not seen one poly couple that didn't marry young and then later stayed together but went poly.
Best thing we can all do for men's mental health is to stop women from invading male-only spaces. It's nice to have a place to go and be yourself free of judgement or expectation to be a "value provider".
Here's a no-brainer children go to counseling and then they have to go back home alone with the alienating parent
Love this conversation! I’m in grad school for marriage and family Therapy and hearing about ways to decolonize mental health care is so exciting! Thank you for sharing this ❤
To identify parental alienation. The focus should be on the communication style, behavior patterns, hostile aggression. Willful disagree beyond any reasonable in person. It’s fundamentally counterintuitive. You have to understand the difference between pathological enmeshment versus a true loving relationship. psychological and emotional abuse symptoms are identified and well documented for children and adults. Like the symptoms of a cold they’re listed. I understand where it can be confusing to side. A child mental health professional should always look at the pathology of the parents. First and the family dynamic. There is a major impact of fear and coercion from the onset most times starting before a divorce.
It’s impossible to do this work without being cynical. Complete waste of time!
Wow, if this is how much a therapist hates their job, do you realize how you are messing up your clients???? Please rather quit
Such an important topic. What incredible advice. *Every* ‘therapist’ needs to listen to this and it should be compulsory listening for students. I’m an RN, now studying a Masters to be s psychotherapist. The most important book I read at uni when studying in Australia to be an RN was ‘ Nursing and the Law’ by Patricia Staunton. It’s about the Australian environment and may be out of print now but I learned how vital it was to think legally st all times in my work and especially when making clinical decisions and when documenting. I always wrote detailed notes even as colleagues wrote ‘no change’.for similar shift scenarios. The thought “how will this look in a legal case in 2 years?” kept me focused for years. I hope to include the same practice principles in my clinical role as a therapist in the future. So I particularly appreciated listening to your guest talking about the same principles. Although we have a different regulatory and legal environment in Australia, the principles discussed in this podcast still resonate. Thanks so much to your guest. What an incredibly important job he does (and has) and what a great service he provides. I believe it would be very challenging work but I hope it’s also rewarding to him. Thanks again for an excellent podcast. I’ll listen to some more!
Great episode, really brushes up against it, barley slips through your grasp
I agree. All CBT therapists I encountered seemed to be extremely arrogant and did not want to talk about errors etc. In the end, with my last therapist, I even tried to read Aaron T. Becks works in hope to convince him that he might make mistakes and what he did to me does not work. He did not even listened to me but dismissed ecerything I said immediately
One thing in the beginning. (I just started the video.) I feel some people do have a strong hatred against CBT becausd there is a very irrational consensus in Institutions about how awesome CBT is. And many Institutions systematically ignore counter evidence.(For example, I had cbt for 6 years with Multiple therapists. Did not help at all. Certain people then told me, the fact that I had CBT for 6 years without any positive results proofs that I need CBT.) If for whatever reason, you do not want CBT but something else, it feels like that you have to struggle with a lot of people to get taken serious. And because of this struggle of no matter what you say, they do not take your points serious, criticism of "CBT does not work for me due to these reasons" devolve to "CBT is the biggest BS on the planet and Aaron T. Beck was a huge quack"😢😅 If you have has bad experiences with cbt, it is a huge struggle to get taken serious
Loved your chat on this matter. I was recently asked by my supervisor if I was working harder than my client. Days later, I made a decision that I would rather not take in any clients who are not ready to work hard for self-understanding. I see counselling as an art. As an artist, I know that I am allowed to have my own style and specialty. If I have been trained to work hard at work, then I need to embrace that as well. So, to be fair, I shall remind all my prospective clients, during the free consultation, that I prefer to work with them when they have decided to grow out of their situation through a journey with my counselling as their support.
'Promo SM'
This was one of the more messed up discussion i have ever listened too. I think you should have taken the job at Apple.
The woman in this video doesn't seem to take anything the man has to say seriously, in this sad, sad video. I hope she loses her license.
Women ruined mental health care for men. Women send men to therapy to get them to act more like women then they reject the men for doing just that.
"work husband"
I enjoyed this discussion. I also think the two perspectives were live examples of varying people. Convert bullying is often disguised as "jokes" as we age.
I am very interested in learning about potential effects on family dynamics. Even to observe the emotional effects of something as seemingly harmless as communication patterns. Ex, Labeling negative communication patterns as love, and the distortion that can cause to family and children.
These two have so much to learn. Truly a hopeless discussion on bullying. The last people I would want my child to see if they were being bullied. They barely take the subject seriously and spend most of the time laughing at their own crap jokes. Shameful.
Thank you for bringing pop psychology out of the murky waters and adding some dimensions and definitions. And you know I appreciated you both mentioning Kubler-Ross' stages of grief and the lack of evidence to support it.
Add Terrence Real to the list of pop psychologists
GMC?
Hcpc?
False allegations made by kingslienapley lawyers maybe?
Yes! This woman’s chortling makes the listener wonder her ability to analyze parental alienation when she herself has entirely inappropriate reactions.
Therapy is for women and maybe gay men.
Men do better commiserating with their bros. Because their bros are going through the same nonsense as they are. It's not about getting in touch with your feelings, its about what can I do to fix this situation?
I think we generally get in touch with our feelings while we fix the situation :) While girls will get together and talk stuff deliberately we accomplish the same goal but usually while making things. But there is an concerted effort to remove male only spaces. Thus to remove places where men would gather to do that.
Real men see therapy for what it is... Total nonsense. Men will only go to therapy if they are forced to. Women love therapy because they are emotional creatures who love to exercise their emotions. Nonstop talking is part of that and they are willing to pay $$$/hr to have someone endure hours of their female emotional nonsense.
HR is not your friend. They're the companies councillor. It would be more financially viable to just get therapists only for the management (help them work through thier resistances and traumas. See the workers as people. That way they can swap out the ping pong tables for a daycare and dental plan). Y'all are on the money 👍 keep going
Getting a master's degree with only a 2.5 GPA requirement as a man makes you low value to most women. Not just money wise, it shows youre credulous and making an entire career out of quackery, it shows youre lazy and don't like to work hard to get a real career, and it shows you're likely effeminate. All bad options for women; you're not smart, strong, or confident enough to help her raise a child. If she's smart she'll avoid you.
Dr. Brown is a wonderful mentor. It's a privilege to know her. What an honor to spend time with her.
16:16 *"White men's touch"?!?* Go ahead, Curt: list the exact differences between the "White touch", the "Asian touch", and the "Latino touch." You think melanin content makes the difference? I think we have a word that.
the latino touch? Go ahead John: List the exact differences between the "mexican touch", the "cuban touch", the "El Salvadorian touch."
His comment perfectly illustrates for me the problem with the idea of "punching up", or a least a common interpretation of it. Since the most recent historical atrocities were committed by white men, there is an essentialist assumption that any white man now shares some aspect of character or moral worth with the colonisers, the genociders, the slavers. This is not an explicitly conscious assumption. And it allows the conscious justification of treating men, and especially white men, no matter how poor, disabled, mistreated, unemployed, as if they don't deserve kindness or goodwill, or at least much less than women do. The difference in apportioning kindness between men and women is evident even in the treatment of children.