Dr. Ramani @DocterRamani absolutely blew my mind today talking about narcissists and how they operate 🤯. Make sure you hit like and subscribe to hear from more incredible guests we have coming on in the future!

@danielstevenson1250

5 ай бұрын

My mom always tells me rhat I’m the reason for her hemorrhoids!! No mom,daddy is the reason,trust me I definitely wouldn’t pick,you as my mom.

@AlonzoJ-pf4dt

4 ай бұрын

so dope ❤

@donnamanning1975

4 ай бұрын

A hyper link would be so great. I’m visually impaired and I could find a bunch of links for the channel I’m on but not the doctors. For some reason copy paste isn’t working.

@theresarose2912

4 ай бұрын

I hadn't heard this one. Definitely one of your best, I love Dr Ramani. I'm going to go off and try to find her information. Thanks!

@debcallies7669

4 ай бұрын

You were cracking me up. . . "Can you give us some more role plays?" Same. Mind blown

My mom actually told me at 17 that she wished she had had an abortion available when she found our I was coming along. she was disappointed in me not being another boy a wee bit, Truth teller, scapegoat for family system... I have divorced my family at this point, their choice was obvious.....I am free and doing well.

@Girlpiper

Жыл бұрын

I’m so sorry this happened to you.

@lisaroach9911

Жыл бұрын

🌺

@Unebellecreole

Жыл бұрын

Karen, the woman who gave birth to me told me one of her biggest regrets in life was not closing her legs during labor and choke me between her legs while giving birth to me. My father left her while she was pregnant from what I was told. So she blamed it on me for being born. I have learned that blood don't make you family and not every person who gives birth is qualified or worthy to be called a mom. She physically abused me my entire childhood to the point where the State of NY took me away from her and put me in foster care after stabbing my sister with a knife for trying to protect me from her abuse. I never looked back. I keep my distance to protect my peace. Last year, my younger brother asked me to start speaking to her again as a favor to him. I said no thank you, I don’t want to relive and remember all that she has done to hurt me. She is now in her 70s and need people to help her and has no one really. She is ripping what she sewed.

@lorrainecortes7296

Жыл бұрын

My mother was mentally ill & she got mad at me &:told me she should've had an abortion with me, we didn't talk for the longest & then We started talking again on & off.

@JessiesFamily

Жыл бұрын

😱 that's Awful I'm so sorry. Happy you got away.

That’s exactly right, a narcissist never has you on their mind, but you are absolutely supposed to be and expected to be on call or stand-by for them!!!!!

@pharmacistinthemaking4871

Жыл бұрын

What if I just feel bad and grumpy for little things that people did and can’t let it go so I constantly give them a hard time but when they do things for me then I’m in a good mood n treat them nicely? Does that make me a narcissist

@ellenchapman9649

Жыл бұрын

That’s so true

@katinabotten

Жыл бұрын

Your OVER thinking

@pjpredhomme7699

Жыл бұрын

that is absolutely not true - if it is feeding time - they will obsess over someone else - it is their supply and they need it like they need oxygen . things are more complex than you understand it

@lynnebucher6537

Жыл бұрын

And clean up the messes they create.

1:09:42 - "Empathy and compassion doesn't mean that you forever remain someone's prisoner."

@lenima

3 ай бұрын

🙌💖

@-norsecode-

3 ай бұрын

Oh my gawd that set my brain on fire. When my narc mother was very unwell, dying of COPD, she held me hostage making me the one to take care of her, and I'm severely mentally ill and ended up in the psych hospital during the time she was sick because I couldn't go any where for any more than an hour, I was so sleep deprived, like having a newborn in the house except a grown up a**hole. I had no idea how long I'd be her prisoner until she died. I couldn't go visit my son in another state, my boyfriend in another part of the state.....all because she refused to get someone to come into the home to help. Honestly, I felt so free when she died. It only took 5 months for CoPD to take her and my GOD I'm stilling trying to catch up on sleep, stop waking up to every single noise.....she broke me. I spent 10 days in the psych ward in mid August (she was diagnosed beginning of June, she died mid october). Sick people cannot take care of sick people. She truly was an evil person.

@GoldenMouse-1001

2 ай бұрын

What should I do if my child is Narc. Maybe it was my contribution to this. Whatever the cause of my child narc I cannot abandon my child. What should I do.

@-norsecode-

2 ай бұрын

@@GoldenMouse-1001 Get them into therapy.

@janiemiller825

Ай бұрын

Well said ☺️

1:07:05 I didn't know there was a name for the child I was- the truth teller. I was the 8 year old child watching my narc parent throw a tantrum like a toddler and thinking "there's no way this is normal."

@jmile001

11 ай бұрын

​@@Cassie-pt7mt yes, they always blamed us for being "bad" when in reality we just saw right through them and they hated it. I'm sorry you went through that.

@jentrification_

4 ай бұрын

i said something to my parents at age 15. I didn't have the language so I said "smarter than" but I see now it was more 'emotional intelligence"

@murphfouro1792

3 ай бұрын

Same

@lenima

3 ай бұрын

ME TOO! 🙌💖

@roxaneauer360

3 ай бұрын

God live truth tellers!

“Family sticks together” is probably the most dangerous thing you could believe. It trains you to accept bad behavior simply because someone’s related to you. At the end of the day we’re all here because two people had sex .. that’s it. You have ZERO obligation to put up with anything you don’t want to.

@jessigirlrae1688

Жыл бұрын

my kids father says that to them. He tried to say that to me to guilt me into staying with him after cheating, physical abuse, mental abuse, ect.

@miamia7199

Жыл бұрын

I can’t stress this comment enough.

@KingMark33

Жыл бұрын

Omg my mom does this all the time. She is so mean to me and such and bully and controlling. She always reiterates , family family family…just giving me the idea that I can’t, not like her.

@darlenesutton7248

Жыл бұрын

You are absolutely correct.

@cailin5309

Жыл бұрын

@@KingMark33 I feel you on that one. “I’m still your mother” … AND?! If you want to play the mom card then why are you, as my mom, intentionally trying to torture me all the time? It’s illogical. And you can’t fight stupid.. I wish you peace my friend

I was brainwashed from the start. I grew up in a narcissistic family system. No contact was my only option. Abusers don't change!

@janetdiaz8916

Жыл бұрын

I agree. Now we can move forward to chase our dreams!!

@nazbg1424

Жыл бұрын

Yes they don’t change and never.we should leave them alone to die

@scourneene

Жыл бұрын

My wife grew up in one as well! They recently raged on us for two weeks non stop for me simply and kindly setting a boundary. My wife refuses to go no contact and put up with way too much though now they are on good behaviour. It hurts and worries me everytime she goes and spends time with them. She is a big co dependant and refuses to stand up to them. Im now the scapegoat as others are saying I'm the crazy one and that if only i healed my unhealed past I could tolerate them better. I dont know. Praying everyday.

@jacobgeorge328

Жыл бұрын

But unfortunately very difficult to convince our parents and so ended up contacting them...wht I feel engage calmly and get out as soon as the purpose for your visit is served...come late and go early

@dawnemile7499

Жыл бұрын

I have coined a description for narcissists: Non-Engaged Superego Primitive Brain. NESPB.

54:05 For anyone who’s feels like they are in a relationship where they are being gaslighted and feels guilt, listen to this. This really hit home for me.

@elaineshaw5846

Жыл бұрын

When I first met him he acted like he really was in tc me after 2 yrs he just left and never came back that hurts me so much and still do its been a year now

@jakeadams5741

Жыл бұрын

Thank you so much for this timestamp!

@sherriflemming3218

10 ай бұрын

7 Characteristics Of A Love Avoidant podcast ----Kenny Weiss

@sohara....

10 ай бұрын

@sherriflemming3218 *..."love avoidant podcast"?* Am wondering about the context of this topic, thanks.

@The_huntress111

6 ай бұрын

@@elaineshaw5846 same story mine lasted 18 months , it’s also been a year ❤

I find that Narcissists are the ones who accuse other people of being Narcissistic all the time!!

@darksat6

10 ай бұрын

Classic. They’ll accuse you of everything that they’re actually doing

@maimay3673

3 ай бұрын

I diagnose my daughter as narc after bumping series of videos about this topic, I'm a victim and exhausted of abuse

@psmithmore

3 ай бұрын

Oh my gosh- that’s so true

@VD-hb6hh

3 ай бұрын

Yep and accuse others of everything else they they do not everyone else around them do

@johnbolton2149

3 ай бұрын

“Keep politics out of this!” MAGA’s would say if they knew how to think, discuss, understand their feelings like this.

My mom would verbally abuse me not by yelling mean things…she’d whispered them to me. In a crowded room…at a birthday party…in a restaurant…I’d be sitting there next to her getting abused. No one knew. She’s this nice, sweet lady to everyone else but to me she’s a monster. My dad stopped liking me once I was no longer a cute baby. He physically abused me. It was his way or the highway. Like my mom, everyone knew my dad as a funny, friendly guy. It was hell. I’m glad I got out of that situation. My parents are still alive. I want nothing to do with them.

@sybersandy

Жыл бұрын

Geez, this sounds like hell.

@Not-the-usual-BS

Жыл бұрын

@@sybersandy it is hell an absolute living hell to be told you were a mistake you weren’t wanted, that my mother lied to my father about taking birth control when she really wasn’t because she wanted us kids.. she passed away from breast cancer so I never had her in my life since I was 4 years old.. hate to say this but I feel the wrong parent was taken!!!! 😢😢

@Not-the-usual-BS

Жыл бұрын

😢😢sounds very similar to me.. I’m not out yet away from the toxicity but I’m determined to, I need money I’m in a bad place right now

@emmalazurda

Жыл бұрын

Wow you totally didnt deserve that. Hope life is way better and peaceful now

@carolmininger9012

Жыл бұрын

❤

Am i the only one who doesn't want this video to end? I can listen to their discussion the whole day with coffee. Great discussion.

@charlottetheartist327

Жыл бұрын

Same.

@julietalmage1248

Жыл бұрын

Yes! I will be listening to it again... so much valuable information I was trying to "unpack"... felt like I might have missed something. My aha moment was the guilt I constantly feel is not me, but the manipulative tactics of my narcissistic mother. It felt like a huge burden being lifted... it's. NOT. MY. FAULT!!!!

@charlottetheartist327

Жыл бұрын

@@julietalmage1248 it makes me shutter with disgust towards their rude selfish behavior towards a FAMILY MEMBER

@jeanniesanders6158

Жыл бұрын

Yes!! I couldn't write quickly enough.

@davidclark3564

2 ай бұрын

They’re both brilliant and charismatic

I grew up with an intensely narcissistic parent, who would often angrily exclaim, "if you would just think with my mind, everything would be fine." I've often thought that summed up the miserable experience pretty well.

You will never be good enough and you’ll never pay the debt they say you owe them. Don’t even try.

@ideaharbor1

Ай бұрын

This is what I had to listen to every time I provoke her by defending myself.

These women just single handedly described and explained my childhood under 2 hours where it took me decades of therapy to understand 😂 Thank you for all the work you both do!

@salonsavy6476

Жыл бұрын

Ditto

@blackbirdterrain

Жыл бұрын

Same here

@cma3436

Жыл бұрын

Can you expand what you mean? I'm a divorced father that has two children with a person that I consider falls under this personality and it worries me for our children. They are already effected greatly by her actions, and I worry for their future. This is why I'm asking. Thank you.

@aghinia_

Жыл бұрын

@@cma3436 I suffered from emotionally immature, narcissistic mother growing up (until now). It affected how I feel about myself, how I lack of a strong identity (because everything is always about her), and also affected my relationship as well. It’s incredibly painful, and it took me a while to truly understand these impacts. I don’t have an emotionally available father either, but knowing that you realize and worry for your children - I believe they will be okay, just be there for them when they need it 🙂

@cma3436

Жыл бұрын

@@aghinia_ I have a couple more questions, do you mind if I ask you on here? I hate how impersonal this is, but this means the world to me that you can share your story. My 13 year old is suffering immensely from what you are describing, and my 10 year old is a scapegoat which I literally just learned. Your words are kind about me supporting them as their father, but my ex has turned my oldest against me, but she still comes to my home on schedule, but she's almost completely checked out when she's with me. I wish there was a way we could chat even briefly. Not sure if you are a parent, but seeing this happen to your children is gut wrenching, and nobody seems to be able to help, or want to help. It's crazy. Anyway, if nothing else, thank you for your response.

It’s NEVER a child’s job to love a parent. Remember that 💗🙏💗

28 years of marriage I feel so lost my entire life has been a lie. OMG I'm so saddened.

@laneneal3510

3 ай бұрын

Right there with you! Ugh

@edelweiss2.076

2 ай бұрын

It wasn't a lie. Your half was genuine. ❤

@turnbacktime65

Ай бұрын

Hope you’re feeling better a year later. I’m still in mine. 18 yrs. Now I focus on me.

@ninalove1280

15 күн бұрын

Married 25 years to one. Idk why I’m still here. But I’m not happy…and haven’t been happy for YEARS!! 😢

The "tea-maker part" really hit home... it was a metaphor that would perfectly describe how a relationship with a person with narcissistic personality really is.

I found Dr. Ramani during covid and she has helped me in soooo many ways. Being raised by two narcissists and of course marrying a narcissist and choosing so many friends who are narcissists- I’m FINALLY - as a woman of a certain age- realizing what it looks like, accept that I can’t change their behavior, and found my life preserver by walking away from these relationships.

@sylviamalaika785

Жыл бұрын

Same here being home I discovered her and I say that's one positive thing that cMe out of Covid. I'm now on a path of healing and awareness

@melaniemonks6206

Жыл бұрын

wow same journey x

@novabuchanan4260

Жыл бұрын

@@gymonpedie1727 the physiological pain connected with the trauma bond is very real. The body keeps score even when we gain knowledge and believe we should be able to break free. I had to go to my Bible and literally copy it word for word to a note pad to focus on the words well enough to be able finally internalize God's words and his love for me. It's very hard. This is what helped me. I'll be saying a prayer for you.

@charlottetheartist327

Жыл бұрын

I was RANTING in my car tonight to my daughter. About how my inner most circle. My mother being the head of it all... Are narcs. And that God has allowed this. BC he is with me. And that I already feel alone by the way said inner small circle treats me... But the worst part is GRIEVING WHO I THOUGHT THEY WERE. BUT I NEVER SAW THAT SIDE OF THEM AGAIN... SO CHARMING. BEAUTIFUL. AMAZING. AND TEMPORARY.... I HATE LIVING WITH THE NARC BEHAVIOR IT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE... IN ORDER TO DEAL WITH IT ON A DAILY BASIS IS CHANGING WHO I AM. BC IT FORCES YOU TO CHANGE HOW YPU OPERATE. VERY SAD. I HAVE TO GREY ROCK MY OWN MOTHER. WHO COULDN'T REJOICE FOR ME IF SHE WERE PAID TOP DOLLAR. YUCK. AND THE FATHER OF THESE CHILDREN. I WOULDN'T BE SUPRISED IF THEY WERE IN COHOOTS. GOD KNOWS... BUT I DON'T VERY MUCH THINK THEY EVER ONCE CONSIDERED HIS PRESENCE OR THEY WOULDN'T BE DEMON POSSESSED MENTAL LIERS. ()DEEP SIGH THAT FELT GOOD. AS IT COULD GET. CONSIDERING IM JUST DELIVERING SAD COLD FACTS ABOUT MY FAMILY THATS SUPPOSED TO LOVE ME UNCONDITIONALLY AND YET IT IS I... WHO DOES ALL THE WORK. AND DIRTY WORK AND HAPPY WORK AND EXCUSES AND I WILL WALK AWAY FROM THEM. LIKE I DID CIGGERETS AND BAD PEOPLE IN MY 20'S....I HAVE INNER STRENGTH AND JOY AND LIGHT. THANK YOU FOR SHARING. PLEASE DONT MIND THE CAPS LOCK. IT HELPS ME SEE BETTER.

@annemurphy8074

Жыл бұрын

Good for you! Now you'll be available to interact with good, healthy people as you continue your healing process.

It’s all about boundaries. Set boundaries as if your life depends upon it.

@sarahspencer1010

Жыл бұрын

Boundaries do not work with narcissists. For narcissists, boundaries are made to be broken.

@sofondadavis5028

Жыл бұрын

Because it does.

@jennifs6868

Жыл бұрын

and when the person crosses those repeatedly, then you know what you've got.

@kimberly0717

Жыл бұрын

@@sarahspencer1010 true and then they up the power struggle making your life more miserable. No contact if possible is best!

@BobTheSchipperke

Жыл бұрын

Some are boundaries they bowl over, and then you leave for the last time.

Thank you, I’m an introvert and my family think I’m weird, I love being alone after being with a lot of people. I’ve been this way all my life.

@judymurray191

Жыл бұрын

Same, girl.

@ejcostin3070

Жыл бұрын

I come from a large family where my syblings exerted control over my life as a child/ pre teen I never knew different till I disagreed Now 40 years later they still treat me as i dont matter…. Im beginning to hate everything

@joannelauer1372

9 ай бұрын

Me too, love all of You, you do not have to stay a victim forever, grow out of it, god bless everybody

@jellybean6778

4 ай бұрын

@joannelauer1372 Choosing to be alone is not equivalent to being a victim​. There is no "growing out" of being an introvert. There is nothing wrong with it.

@NunYaO

4 ай бұрын

You probably aren't actually an 'introvert' ... You're emotionally spent. Think back to your earliest childhood memories and really analyze your personality then ... Would you describe your younger self as 'introverted'? Chances are you were a curious and SOCIAL person who has been put through an extended period of stress... that, alone, would wear out anyone; except, you were never given any heads-up, infact, you've been told that you've NEVER even witnessed the experience of life that you clearly remember... and THAT means your entire life has been a very long and extreme level of nearly continuous stress and abuse (whether verbal, mental, emotional, physical, or all)... and IT IS EXHAUSTING!!! I've been told that this feeling eventually passes, I can't verify whether it's true...

I have a brother who is narcissistic but I didn't know it, I tried to get along with him but finally I got away from him because it's impossible. Thank you very much, because I felt guilty and now I don't.

@Monalisa0622

10 ай бұрын

Amen. I have a sister that is too. The guilt use to consume me. Especially because I would be told not to upset my mother. That not talking to my sister was causing my mom grief. But no more. 3 yrs and I haven't spoken to my sister. I pray for her but I have no relationship with her. No guilt either.

@ThriveAtelier143

3 ай бұрын

Same here！I was always wondering why no matter how nice I am to my sister, she always react and say means things to me. I just realize yesterday that she is a narcissist. Now it makes so much sense! I thought I was going crazy. Thank you!!!!

@jaclynh9343

3 ай бұрын

I feel you big time. In the same boat as you. I spent majority of my life trying to be accepted, loved + seen by my bro but he never cared. A few years ago my bro told me to go kill myself as I was looking sad that day. 2 weeks later he developed pneumonia + almost died. When he came home I brought him org lemon water w/ org honey + his gf had to coach him to say thank you + he begrudgingly said it. When he was back to normal my mom brought to his attention what he has said weeks before to me. She told him he needs to apologize. He's 48 years old. I'm 43. He came to my door, knocked + proceeded to give me a half ass disingenuous apology. I did not accept. As he walked away he said "that's the problem w/ this world, everyone's so god damn sensitive" ..

Confronting the narcissist, expecting change, is like throwing a cup of water in the ocean and expecting a tsunami.

@Ivcp78

Ай бұрын

This !

@kathyzurzolomyers7932

Ай бұрын

That is funny and sad at the same time I have thrown many a cup of water

Absolutely correct. Authentic people have boundaries and a small network of friends. So true!

@angelascarborough6505

Жыл бұрын

I am an authentic person and an empathetic it has gotten to a point where I want to dump all my friends. They are just so selfish I just can't imagine doing some of the things they do. It's all me me me!!

@KarlaHill-vc7cq

11 ай бұрын

We are blessed to be authentic people! So thankful

@emh8861

10 ай бұрын

Exactly!

@frannypalmer2726

10 ай бұрын

​@@angelascarborough6505that,"it's all about me" thing really gets to me! One of my friends was whining (in a text message) about her car getting totaled in a hail storm. I told her my daughter had 2 totaled autos, her house roof was damaged and her house siding. Plus her fridge died the same week. She did not respond to that. That was about 3 weeks ago

I was the TRUTH TELLER and scapegoated for it. I now have CPTSD and I WILL GET JUSTICE.. ILL BECOME A MOTIVATIONAL SPEAKER AND BE THE VOICE FOR PEOPLE SUFFERING. EMPOWERMENT IS KEY!

@alexgreco748

4 ай бұрын

Taking pills too i'm sure. US pure jokes.

@NunYaO

4 ай бұрын

Sounds a little grandiose...js

@icedcoffeeislife

4 ай бұрын

@@NunYaO it's passion and a dedication to make a diffeeence in the world. Js

@icedcoffeeislife

4 ай бұрын

@@NunYaO and you know what. Get fucked. Stick your grandose comment up your ass

@HLTrds

3 ай бұрын

Those behaviors are similar to adhd,

I grew up without my parents. I attract narcissist. I am done. I am going to take care of my kids and travel. Thank you Dr. Ramani for helping me through my break up. Our last step is to sell the house and I will be free. I am now well educated. Thank you

@rovalq1

8 ай бұрын

Look for Kennye Weiss he teaches how to take care of our inner child.

@TonyaAbernathy68

5 ай бұрын

I’m also in the middle of selling the house after 28 yrs of abuse… There’s so much grief detaching from the Narc, the dream and your home…

@kayjones542

5 ай бұрын

@tonyaphillips6228 i am so sorry you are going through this. I can understand what you are going through. My heart is broken for you. Yes i am still heartbroken i lost what i thought was my dream home. It never was my home. It was his because he made more money than i did. I helped pay for the house when i shouldnt have had too. Its so sad. I hope you find peace. I also hope we can all lean on eachother and learn from each other and what we went through. I am here if you need an ear to listen.

@tamayla50

4 ай бұрын

People never understand what happens having children,assets, or any financial matters with narcissist. Many will blame you. I hope all goes well for all. Stay blessed

@j2muw667

3 ай бұрын

@@kayjones542- same. His house. But I had to pay for any remodeling even though he earns 5 times more than me, and I was paying for my kids stuff.. he didn’t help with that. I also paid for most groceries. But the shower tile was falling off, carpet in the kitchen 30 yrs old and gross, and paint… I paid for it to make the house nicer. We sold that house, once kids were grown.. now looking for a new place- he looks at the cheapest, most run down places… I know he won’t want to pay for fixing anything. It seems he really just doesn’t want to provide a decent home for his wife…. I’ve learned boundaries and how to nicely hold my ground. And I can always leave. Even though that would mean lots of temper tantrums and crying on his part.. trying to make me feel guilty for abandoning him.

As I am listening to this my mom calls. I didn’t pick up not in the mood to be verbally abuse or have her make me feel guilty. I have not spoken to her for some time. I decided last year to cut all the toxic people including ex out of my life and started the healing process. I wish I could have understood this much earlier in my life I am 53 now. This was a true eye opener. Next step is to try to get her voice out of my head.

@leslieiris7093

Жыл бұрын

Ruth a. I hope. God gives you peace . And I also am verbally abused by my mother. I need a way out so that I can find peace . I once didn't talk to my mother for two years when. I was out on my own with my husband but then I started taking to her again because my little brother of 26 years old died who she loved alot . And I felt sorry for her. But now she is alot more abuse towards me verbally and emotionally and very critical. Now my husband and my dog has passed away and its very hard for me to deal with. Please iray for me.

@DarlingNickki777

Жыл бұрын

I said the same thing… I wish I had learned this much earlier in life! I have found in my own experience that these people use you for what they can get out of you and have no remorse for your suffering 😢 I am going on 52 this year and I can say it’s not been an easy life thus far. I’m hopeful that someday I will have the life I needed and longed for of peace and happiness without All the drama

@crystalbluepersuasion3897

Жыл бұрын

I removed my entire abusive family from my life, several years ago, in my early 50's. I'm much happier. I don't cry every day like I used to. But I'm afraid their voices are in my head for life.

@pennyyeck-qi5yz

Жыл бұрын

Your on the right path now. You can move forward to 😊 happiness

@_Kiii

Жыл бұрын

@@leslieiris7093 remember you don't have to have toxic ppl in your life, esp if they make you miserable.

The point that a narcissist doesn't think about you unless they need you or you're an obstacle just opened up so much for me. I always wondered how can he tell me and the world that he loves me so much, but then do things that hurt me or the connection. Bingo!

@lizsteilkie

Жыл бұрын

And try to make you feel guy for leaving

@northpole4592

Жыл бұрын

Is crazy. Today I had to see them. I can see every gaslighting method, but still so difficult to interpret. They act as if they owe me and after 47 years fighting It seems easier to finally let them do whatever they want with me, they keep being nice to win me back, they know I am alone and exhausted. This is about survival. If I cannot plan my escape I will leave with no suitcase just myself and start to walk away. I know is NOT clever but maybe the only way to not to die. The worst thing is that if I say this to anybody I Will look as a crazy person myself instead of them !!!

@ThePkyles1

Жыл бұрын

Unfortunately, I can relate

@lauraschlottertorres1990

Жыл бұрын

That's exactly what I have been living for 44 years. Could it be a just a bad person How do you really know he's a Narcissist

@northpole4592

Жыл бұрын

@@lauraschlottertorres1990 the moment a person is still doubting if the other person is good/bad after decades, that is the proof. ( At least for me. I used to be a person with a lot of flaws but I never doubt if a person was good or bad. Now my head is a complete mess. Thanks to the drunk abuser covert narcissist, my family together with my sister and brother and everybody else around me now. Sticky fingers he has, put everyone against me too. Against me since I am 5 years old. What could I have possibly done wrong at 5 years old? Was I crazy at 5 years old? They are criminals.

I am so happy that we are finally talking out loud about these things. I just wish we could talk to the Narcissist and tell them how much they are hurting the people they are supposed to love.

@rhondamarlow8377

11 ай бұрын

The sad thing is that the narcissist wouldn't care.

@borntopaint9408

10 ай бұрын

Yes but sadly they wouldn’t/don’t care…much less take responsibility for their behavior since it’s always someone else’s fault/issue.

@carito3515

8 ай бұрын

Not that they wouldn't care, they have a completely different interpretation of reality so your version of reality and there's don't match and they can find ways to justify themselves and blame u in their insanity. It's nuts and there is no reasoning or rationalising with them

@andrewsmith3257

6 ай бұрын

​@@carito3515I'd be interested in looking at NPD brain scans compared to Neurotypical

@user-mi8pk5hi6b

3 ай бұрын

I'm finally done 😢 After years and years 22 years or more until I said stop already, so monkey see monkey do 🎉

Wow this episode is unbelievably packed with QUALITY content. This is amazing. Dr. Ramani is so beautiful, well-spoken, articulate, and a true expert.

My brain feels like it is going to EXPLODE. Got my girls to bed and usually it’s this time where I would blast some music in my headphones and clean up the house before I go to sleep but ever since I started your podcast I have found myself choosing to absorb this over music without a purpose. I have tried to fully comprehend the extent of abuse of our childhood but it’s not till after this episode I see things how they truly are. We were taken to another country without a choice by our narcissistic mother and stepfather. Our family was already failing when my real dad and mom were together but this woman chose to take her kids away from their biological dad to a foreign country opposed to swallowing her pride and co parenting with my dad. This is where I would spend the majority of my childhood years (Temosachic Chihuahua Mexico) both my stepfather and mother were extreme alcoholics. We grew up in conditions that I still can’t even say out loud. No running water, no electricity and with two “parents” that would rather spend the only money we’d come by on their next bottle of whiskey. My mom ended up having two other kids with my stepdad and my middle sister and I quickly became their caregivers. Anything her babies needed she would holler at us to tend to them. Any time any of us kids would ask about our real dad my stepfather and mother would get drunk and cause a huge scene crying asking us what have they done so wrong that we would be asking about our real dad. All of my moms kids ran away before turning 18. At 13 years old I got on a bus and traveled by myself from Mexico to Vegas to meet my real dad. my oldest sister who had gotten married and was no longer controled by our mom was the one who helped my middle sister and I get out of there. I never realized how insane it was until I had lids of my own. I don’t even let my girls go in the front yard by themselves 😂 But there I was at 13 on a bus by myself going to meet a man I didn’t even remember. The only reason I knew he was my dad is my older brother would be with him. So he must be my dad. I thought I was finally getting a normal life and boy was I wrong. From the time my dad got me back we always lived in someone else’s home or in and out of hotels. And he’s now 55 and NOTHING has changed. He doesn’t own a home, doesn’t have a vehicle and is on the verge of going bankrupt. For years I felt like I was in debt to him so I would do all his errands, Pay all his bills, make all his phone calls. Now that my husband has opened my eyes to who he truly is and I no longer jump when he calls because he needs me to go do something for him… GUESS WHAT? He never calls! I have spoken to my mother one time since I came back from Mexico and I told her I forgave her for everything. This woman STILL thinks they gave us a good life in Mexico. If starving in another country, witnessing physical abuse and being molested by our stepdad is what you call a “good life” i don’t want it! I am finally starting to see their ways and no longer fall victim to their game. I send them a silent blessing and keep my energy field uncontaminated. If you’re still here reading, this is not a pity party im throwing myself. It’s just my experience growing up with a narcissistic mother. Thank you guys so much for this specific episode you don’t know what you have done 🤍 🙏

@marilynmccormick3731

Жыл бұрын

Keep going and keep growing. Gather your strength and realize you are special and you are important. Your needs and ideas matter. Find your own way to the happiness you deserve.

@cc1k435

Жыл бұрын

You don't sound like it's self pity, more like matter of fact about life with crazy parents. I had a mother that came very close to setting up things for me that way. I always wondered (if she had gone through with keeping us out of state or the country) if my dad would have come for us or not. He's more passive aggressive than narcissistic, and he's not necessarily helpful in a crisis. Good for you for taking charge and leaving at such a young age. The human spirit is strong enough to overcome most anything with some people, and congrats on finding out the hard way that you are one of them. 🤔

@NOT_SURE..

Жыл бұрын

you sound quite balanced considering all that, the good thing is that our poor childhoods can very oftern produce nice ,caring individuals with empathy and strong characters ..the hardest thing to do is walk away from your parents

@nomsaginindza4249

Жыл бұрын

Oh my dear sad but good because you have a supportive husband walkinv with you

@Charliemike01

Жыл бұрын

Narc Daily You Are Not Alone Check out Andrews channel God bless you and yours

SHE HAS CHANGED MY LIFE!!! She FINALLY helped me understand and navigate through all the tactics, manipulation dealing with a mother with narcissistic personality disorder. It is a miserable interactive relationship. She helped me realize l'm not crazy. She is helping me heal via her KZread channel. Thank you.

@theseeddream

Жыл бұрын

Yes, she has helped me too.

@salonsavy6476

Жыл бұрын

My mother was too ,, it was the most pain I’ve experienced in my life ,, nothing I ever did was good enough,,

@talita8882

Жыл бұрын

Me too! Dr. Ramani is the one that finally could make me see some sense in my life, in my relationship with my mother and in the person I became. I am so grateful.

@lucky8734

Жыл бұрын

I know you don't know me but omg 😳 please believe me I say when I say this I agree and understand and been through what you have I have mother who is like this too. It's her way or the high. The danger of this a lot of them like our mothers really think nothing is wrong with them.

@carykaradasia4568

Жыл бұрын

Same here

O.M.G. @DocterRamani AND @MelRobbins in the SAME VIDEO??!! How freakin' awesome is that??!! Been through the depths of hell and back with narcissists (married and divorced one, too). These two ladies have been instrumental in the healing process!! Listen closely my friends...narcissists walk amongst us in legion. You NEED to learn and pay attention to the early warning signs you're dealing with one, whether it be a friend, family member, coworker, significant other, etc. They come in ALL shapes and sizes!! xx

When dealing with narcissism, you should know that it’s not personal. “It isn’t personal” is one of those cliches used to cushion all kinds of bad actions taken by people who need an out for being immoral, but in this case it actually gets near the truth. Narcissists don’t know how to love or be a friend; they can’t afford to spare the energy to learn, because they’re always in a state of high emergency, cataloging potential threats and redoubling their defenses. When they claim to love you, it means nothing. They may even think they mean it, but they don’t understand the concept - they can’t feel it. They never attach to you or anyone else. Other people are paper cut-outs to the narcissist, like those cardboard figures of celebrities you pose next to for a selfie. Narcissist value their own children only as mirrors of themselves. When they destabilize you or attack you, it means nothing. They are stuck in an endless conversation with themselves, in which you are an inanimate object, to be assigned their own faults and used as a surrogate punching bag for their hatred of themselves. When they toss you out, it’s no more meaningful than a junkie tossing away a needle; when they try to reel you back in, it only means that they tired of the new drug and need a hit of the old. None of this is personal. They’re too terrified to have personal relationships, opting instead for extraction of admiration from a subservient partner whose range of action they strictly constrain. This is not personal. None of it. The narcissist does not know who you are - it doesn’t know how to know other people. Like the vampire or the chainsaw-wielding creature in the horror film, it’s from another world, bereft of the concept of human connection. Moreover, People wonder why they end up hurt, seriously hurt, and even killed for their own actions. Cheating is a choice and there’s simply a lot of ignorance in the process.... Thank you so much for helping me out Metaspyhub@gmail. com. Your advice and services helped me so much. You are a lifesaver !!! The information you gave me about my cheating partner when you gave me access to his phone was everything I needed to get,.. thank you very much..

@cousinparis6205

Жыл бұрын

Wow spot on thank you

@lynnparrish5065

Жыл бұрын

Mine was personal he told me on numerous occasions “I want to hurt you really bad” and he would say something horrible to me and later say I don’t know why I said that but I thought about it for days before I said it. Pure evil.

@sohara....

10 ай бұрын

@x-2954 It sounds to me from what's said in comment that a narcissist has no humanity. One of my close friends is narcissist, and he's not like that. He's a human 🥰

Now I can finally confirm after hearing this that I married a true narcissist 3 years ago and since I wasn’t aware bout narcissistic behaviour I ended up mentally suffering and declined, I have now PTSD anxiety depression. My mind was constantly questioning myself if I am the one who’s the problem. But I finally escaped 3 months ago and felt so relieved and my mind’s at peace.

@reneedwards1082

Жыл бұрын

Clever, I didn't get out, 24 yrs later with two grown sons and a life of medical abuse as I suffer from Ptsd and that's it!!! No one sees the narsasist for who they are...perfect in every deceptive manipulative evil twist.

@sandrablake2362

Жыл бұрын

Keep moving forward be proud of your strength to free yourself. Never have regrets👍🏻! You think you feel great now wait when you have reached a year, two years, then 5 years😁! You will be soaring in sheer happiness and free to be who you deserve to be😘. I did 42 years with a Narc. I’m free and living life happy after being divorced 5 years. Don’t look back n don’t go back👹!

@lisarodriguez6966

Жыл бұрын

The mind is adaptable, it can heal from awful trauma. You'll see that you're a lot stronger than you ever gave yourself credit for.

@nancyk7954

Жыл бұрын

Eventually, I hope you decide to get out.

@missyroper9013

Жыл бұрын

@@nancyk7954 I'm in year 34 of my marriage,pretty sure I'm in this situation 😢😢

One of the most explicit examples of narcissism I can think of regarding my mother was when she told me (privately of course), "I hope you don't get into medical school because then you'll be impossible to deal with." When I did get in, there was no congratulations, no celebration, nothing. The only thing she did was make a post on her Facebook to all of her friends basically patting herself on the back about HER daughter getting into medical school. I'll never forget it.

@milawong4718

Жыл бұрын

For me it was high school. I did it. Night school. Started work at 16 to support myself. Then she took my diploma from my room when I was not around to show everybody. Soon after i escaped from my country and moved to Canada. Finished University. In my 60th still wishing I had a different mother. I am not resentful. Just sad.

@missmerbella

Жыл бұрын

@@milawong4718 I feel for you. May I ask if you had children yourself and if that helped in any way to relieve the sadness of not having a loving mother?

@xannaz9226

Жыл бұрын

wow

@grazynkatodisco4916

Жыл бұрын

@@missmerbella - I could relate to some degree of disfunction in my relationship with my mother. Yes it’s sad. But when you have your own children you try to be exactly opposite from what you experienced. At least in my experience. When you understand a healthy ..normal behavior . Whatever you didn’t get it you try to work hard to make sure your child doesn’t feel the same pain. For example: I don’t remember ever be hug by my mom.. so I made sure I gave a lot of hugs and kisses.. :) My mom passed away just recently. I forgave her for everything. I feel free and sad sometime,but it’s a relief - it is what it is. You don’t choose your parents. I’m not a victim I’m a survivor of emotional abuse. It took me a long time to get to understand what’s going on in my head... And I’m in the good place right now in my life. I felt in love with “me”. ..:)). That’s how I got to know myself ...and for the first time I understood- how, what and why. It’s interesting.

@missmerbella

Жыл бұрын

@@grazynkatodisco4916 thank you so much for sharing your experience.

I just called out a close family member as a malignant female Narcissist and Hell has befallen the household 🙏🏾🙏🏾,

@rozzyosbourne1057

10 ай бұрын

“Hell has befallen the household “….sorry but that made me laugh so hard. I get you 😂💯

@MsDera81

3 ай бұрын

You must have missed the video advising to NEVER call out a narcissist. Now you have to find the video that tells you what to do when the narcissist knows that you know.

@laneneal3510

3 ай бұрын

They WILL punish!

Only when you encounter for yourself, a true narcissist, and the destructive things that they perpetuate, causing pain and Mayham, do you understand how dangerous they are to society. This was a very good podcast to describe the ““ every day, narcissist/sociopath, they both have in common or maybe they are one in the same but they do not :care about other human beings and that’s the point you have to get over when dealing with a narcissist no matter what you do, you cannot change them. You cannot love them to it they will not change and never will they point to themselves and say wow I’m a narcissist “only we call them that. ..narcissist. Good fortune to those who have survived and are living their life a new.

Every day I am blown away with how MANY people are survivors of narcissistic abuse! 🤯😱 The tide is turning.....we are all being educated, thanks to Dr. Ramani and sooooo many others! Thank you Mel! New subscriber here!

@specialtwice4975

Жыл бұрын

Yes, new people are being brought into this everyday. "Why? How?" you ask. Well, narcissists can't live without people. They cannot. They NEED to have "yes" people and "you are so great" and "I love you" in their lives. And once some of those people leave, then they have to find NEW people. Then the cycle repeats itself. Example: You or I meet the narc, we find out they are a narcissist, they abuse, we leave or the narc dumps us, and so the narcissist needs new people.

Both my parents and my ex husband too. It is a miracle I am alive and sane . I am 47 now . Happy and healthy. Thank you Dr for all your help 4 years now that I am watching your programs and appearances. The world needs more awareness. This in my opinion is a spiritual problem. I hope that spiritual leaders of all denominations can work with you in the near future. I love you ❤️👍keep improving this world! 🙏❤️

@sandrathomas2893

Жыл бұрын

Spiritual warfare 💯!!

@jed7424

Жыл бұрын

@@sandrathomas2893 yes, but how. I’m dealing with this now in my husband. How can I spiritually beat this and stay spiritually safe?

@eva_marie633

Жыл бұрын

@@jed7424 , Plead the blood of Jesus and rebuke all foul spirits, especially the Jezebel spirit! Men can have it too. It’s a witchcraft spirit, which means controlling and/or manipulating someone else. Witchcraft isn’t always spells and hocus pocus stuff, but it can also be that as well. Also, put on the full armor of God(Ephesians 6:10-18). Pray, pray, pray and most importantly, have a RELATIONSHIP with Jesus. ❤ Hope this helps!

@SusanaXpeace2u

Жыл бұрын

same, my x was my mother. Thank God I got away.

@sandrathomas2893

Жыл бұрын

@@jed7424 Be not unevenly yoked. You can't "beat" the Jezebel spirit. It's a murderous spirit that wants to kill you. Coming into agreement with this spirit allows the Ahab spirit to attach to you.

Ugh…the definition of my own mother…I thought I knew it, but now I truly know it. She fits the definition 100 percent. That explains it all.

My sister is a full blown narcissist and histrionic. She has all five of these signed and is the most vain human I know. She can’t pass a mirror or glass (window) without looking at her reflection. We’re only 16 months apart and have been close our whole lives but only because I’ve done everything possible to maintain a relationship with her. It gets exhausting 😢

Thing is about somebody with narcissistic personality disorder is that they can never be happy. There's always going to be that one thing that isn't right and they will make both themselves and everyone else miserable because of it. So in that way, yes they are doing harm to themselves even if they don't realize it.

@pjpredhomme7699

Жыл бұрын

absolutely right - just think about Trump - no matter what the circumstances he is miserable - always -never mind all the disinformation - have you ever seen him enjoy anything unless it is at someones expense? he is incapable - a man that age - healthy - should be enjoying grandkids - etc - have you ever seen / heard of him with them ? he is probably not encouraged to be around them - I am not tearing him apart - just using as an obvious example - it is a miserable soul crushing existence to be them or someone close around them - empathy is the best antidote

@lynnebucher6537

Жыл бұрын

I did come to the same realization that my narc husband was desperately unhappy, and was self medicating with lies, alcohol and spending.

My mother is Narcissistic. Because this has been my idea of love I wound up repeating the cycle with Narcissistic men trying to please them like my mother. Now that I'm aware, I'm determined to break the cycle!

After nearly two decades of narcissistic abusive relationships, I've learned that they very much adapt their behaviours. My previous relationship was with the more covert narcissistic personality type. He was extremely good at hiding his distain and rage. Ramani spoke of how they might lash out when they feel slighted, there are many that will externalise this and punish you later for it. These are in my experience, the most dangerous.

I resonate with the part where they take over the conversation. Never letting anyone else talk. The narcissist I removed from my life did that all the time. It was beyond irritating.

@carlthornton1831

Жыл бұрын

YESSS

@Ikr2025

Жыл бұрын

It is so boring too, having to listen to them rave on and on about how great their life is! They are never interested in hearing about what is happening for anyone else.

@bookbeing

Жыл бұрын

@@Ikr2025 i had a relative like this but she would insert herself into my conversations with her tales of woe from 60+ years ago with the emotional intensity revved up as if it just happened yesterday .she of course did no wrong ever and everyone else was the s.o.b., this happened when i was just a kid and my friends and i would try to escape but she'd be relentless following us and EVERYONE had heard these same monologues 100000000000x! Even the youngest kids in her proximity! It was like my friends belonged to her if they come over.

@cutiepiea3687

Жыл бұрын

@@Ikr2025 I have a friend just like this !

@DrgnTmrSirGawain

Жыл бұрын

top 5 trait. and if out in public they ACT

Growing up in the foster system, I think it would be beneficial to do a study on survivors of the foster system to see how many have developed narcissistic personalities. I am a narcissist based on my own experiences in the foster system. I was abandoned at six months, spent 16 years being abused in the system, then I was kicked to the streets. During my time in the foster system I noticed girls didn't like me, people I thought were friends didn't want to be around me, and when I was at school I was bullied by the racist kids because I was alone in an all caucasian school. Then, being kicked to the streets with an active addiction, I was told several times I would be dead before reaching 25. I had no healthy connections, no healthy blueprint of how to navigate my life, and no employment experience; so I had to figure it out on my own. I made poor choices in partners, friends, and I took the worst jobs because I felt at that time I was only worth that much. After I sobered up in 2006 I began looking into my patterns, relationships, and every aspect of my own life to try to figure out why I made such poor choices. My lack of safety, cultural connection, lack of family support, and toxic friendships all pointed back to me. I had to learn to take responsibility, step out of my comfort zone, and begin holding myself accountable. Today I am still working on my issues, but I can say I feel far better than I did 30 years ago, when I felt I had to be in control over everyone in my life. I have learned to let go so so much, and being alone has become more of a blessing than a curse. I have learned to be more comfortable in my own skin, and my relationship with my children has improved. Nothing is perfect and I stumble a lot, but I catch myself faster now than I did back then.

@bethanyharrington2533

Жыл бұрын

❤

@AntyTiff

Жыл бұрын

This is heartbreaking. I am so sorry. You are a gifted writer.

@rabblerousin8981

Жыл бұрын

cPTSD and trauma can look a lot like NPD. Whatever your issues and their origins (we all have them!), I celebrate your self reflection and mostly how you didn’t justify your poorer decisions or decision making processes. You write with accountability and ownership for your part in things, with appreciation for the complexity of the picture - but no justifications. That is a mark of a person who’s learned humility, and IMO that is synonymous with “character”. Cheers to your willingness and ability to face the scariest monster in any room: ourselves and the narratives that soothe us. Many people stay safe and warm and toxic in that delicious fart-filled blanket of safety and warmth. Cheers that after so much trauma you’ve got the balls and the character to tear down your own unbeneficial habits, even when they in some way keep some part of you safe and warm. I honor your brass balls that give you the heart to look at yourself honestly and square off with your own demons. It’s the best quality in a person and the lack of it is the most dangerous quality to have in a loved one.

@AshleyWilliams-xq7lj

Жыл бұрын

Sounds more like borderline. Narcissists don't improve and usually get worse with age. Borderlines typically improve with age with or without therapy. BPD can be caused by narcissistic abuse btw. Like another commenter said, it could just be complex PTSD from repeated abuse (I actually have that.) Disorders caused by abuse can be hard to untangle and pinpoint. I wish you the best of luck in your healing journey ♥️

@ldavis4915

Жыл бұрын

I am incredibly proud of you. Your example is a gift in the world. Blessings & love to you & yours, & keep up the good work.

I’ve spent my life feeling as if something was deeply wrong with me. When I became an adult I finally sought help for myself and was diagnosed with GAD, MDD, and PTSD from childhood. These videos truly help me feel like I’m not crazy and I can finally put words to what I’ve experienced with my “family.” I’ve gone no contact with NM because I can’t continue playing her mind games.

@jaclynh9343

3 ай бұрын

Absolutely. I feel you big time.

I had to hug my inner child and cry...thank you!

@laneneal3510

3 ай бұрын

My mom did apologize just before her dementia set in. Interesting

You hit the nail on the head! This guy that I was in a relationship with took his ex and kids on a scuba vacation knowing that my mom was coming to the end of her life (which is the craziest thing that I’ve ever heard of, to take your ex). When he got back and came to the hospital, when I didn’t jump up and say how happy that he was back, he was hurt. Trying to make me feel bad for him. He didn’t even show any sympathy for my feelings or show any caring for my mom. Thank God I didn’t have a low self esteem and was able to see his self serving madness! I’m an empath and always think that I can love someone enough to make their pain go away. Thank goodness I was in the Army and could get away from this person. It was so bad that I volunteered to go to Afghanistan.

@julieparker1954

Жыл бұрын

oh god that gave me chills........I just dealt with someone like that for the past 2 years. I'm not crazy. I had experiences like this too....ugh

@northpole4592

Жыл бұрын

Sometimes people have no chance to leave. None. At all.

@cc1k435

Жыл бұрын

Not in the Army, but I'd just about volunteer to go to Afghanistan some days too. 😂😅

Truth Teller here... What a thankless role. Waiting for, or expecting, validation is a fool's game. I just keep calling them out.

I learnt from an early age that my narcissistic mother would not provide nurturing towards myself, my brother & sister. In fact she was often snide, lie, felt entitled, rage at the drop of a hat & disallow autonomy. I observed her- I didn’t antagonise her. That was key. She would call me the psychologist- when I questioned or studied someone’s attitude or behaviour. Deep down she had shame & insecurity🇦🇺

@turnbacktime65

Ай бұрын

Did we have the same mom? 😂 sheesh. Did you grow up and work in mental health?

I was growing up in the hands of 2 narcissistic abusive parents and all my childhood I was dreaming to escape from that hell. I am 57 years old now. I still have difficulty accept appreciation, still feeling guilty about my needs and so much more. I escaped, and very fortunate to turn my life around, however , living with old scars. Thank you for this!

@chrisl3158

Жыл бұрын

Resonates with me, alright. Keep getting healed from it.

@rachellesuzanne

Жыл бұрын

Wow. So sorry. I’m curious how you navigated not attracting a narcissistic personality as a spouse (if you married)? Tackling this topic on my page and app I’m launching. Would love your feedback. ❤

@stephanieyancey4414

Жыл бұрын

Oh boy do I hear you!

@Eli-vi4hf

Жыл бұрын

I feel your pain that is a life I wouldn't wish on anyone. It is hard to feel like you matter when you are told you aren't good enough or a problem. To this day it is hard to do something for me, something as simple as buying a purse would trigger guilt. We are worthy of love and acceptance and it hurts like hell when your own parents dismiss you so easily making every thing about them. We were children that had grow up fast learning how to navigate adult situation that we should have never had to do. This stays with you for a lifetime!

Thank you so much to both of you for bringing awareness to narcissistic personalities. Unfortunately, I am married to man who has 99% of the traits you spoke about. Before I knew what a narcissist was, I cried and blamed myself for not paying attention to the red flags before I got married. After I learned what a narcissist was I realized that my narcissist husband was a chronic liar who deserves an Oscar. The mask he put on was worthy of an award winning performances. He removed the mask right after we got married. I am planning my exit strategy by saving my money for both an attorney and a new home.

@grazynkatodisco4916

Жыл бұрын

@ Prime - Romulus - safe yourself. Don’t look back. You’ll be fine. 🤞🏼

@sandrablake2362

Жыл бұрын

Good for you👊🏻. But, don’t stay too long it won’t be a happy ending or it will be unpleasant and difficult to leave the longer you stay😫! Get free now and begin your healing process. Don’t keep planning and saving. Just go👊🏻! I stayed 42 years in a toxic narcissist ic marriage and he nearly killed me👿. Run away fast🙏🏼. God be with you😘

@maevebutler4641

Жыл бұрын

@@sandrablake2362 Amen to that!!

@sandrathomas2893

Жыл бұрын

1st night as a married couple ✔️

@kymberlicole4427

Жыл бұрын

My husband did me the same way. He wore the mask for 3 years until we got married. Then he became very evil to me. He didn't tell me he had HIV. which he had infected me with when we got together. I found out thru some medications he had. Then I got tested and was positive. He then discarded me.

My ex is Narcissistic and he claimed to have had a bad childhood and so did I but I’m so empathetic to the extreme! I called out my narcissistic and all of my family pointed the finger at me it was awful 😢 so I understand why you’re saying not too

Thank you! I moved from CA to care for my aging mother who is all of the things you’ve mentioned. I am a shell of the person I was 4 years ago. I will never leave her or place her in a facility but this has given me , because of understanding, permission to reclaim my life. I will try to live a life that is pleasing to God because I will never please her. I am on “E”.

@pinkiepinkster8395

4 ай бұрын

I left my mom in a facility...I am now free

@celestejacobs7386

3 ай бұрын

Why are you caring for an abusive parent?

She just described my dad and mom. Don't have needs, you're a burden, it's how you look that counts, what you think is happening isn't really happening.

@storytimeswithcheryle1805

Жыл бұрын

Both mine too..smh

@kisigma1011

Жыл бұрын

In today society look play a huge role

@cb2514

Жыл бұрын

Yes, you describe the behaviors well. Don't have needs, you don't matter, cater to others needs.

Dr. Ramini is absolutely correct. While going through my divorce, the judge ordered psych evals on both my ex-husband and me due to all of the accusations my ex was making. After a month of testing/interviews, the results were that my physician/surgeon ex-husband was given the diagnosis of vindictive narcissistic personality disorder and antisocial personality disorder. My ex decided that since he didn't seek out the evaluation it was null and void.

@sandrablake2362

Жыл бұрын

There you have it👊🏻. A TRUE NARC AT ITS WORST👿

@cynthiaguarino2016

Жыл бұрын

@@sandrablake2362 what was even more interesting about the evaluation was that the psychologist that did the testing was chosen by his team not mine. There was seemingly a bias going in, but the psychologist couldn't ignore the test results.

@tammyfitzgerald5336

Жыл бұрын

It’s the saddest cause they don’t know they f up it’s very scary

@edelweiss2.076

2 ай бұрын

No one more arrogant than a surgeon!

@turnbacktime65

Ай бұрын

Lmao. Of course he did. That’s how they operate. Pun intended. Hope you got clean away!

so important to note that narcisist are made because it is a coping survival instinct. so demonizing and discouraging engagement is completely counter productive

@Applied_Pressure

3 ай бұрын

So are sociopaths and Avoidants. But I've found that it's best to stay away, at least romantically: And the saddest one of all is the avoidant because they have good hearts and are not bad people, but their partner will still suffer with treatment very similar to being with a narcissist or sociopath. It sucks. And I hate that I know so well what these personality types entail. For a lot of my life I was attracted to either sociopaths or avoidance. I've done in years and years of counseling and finding God to change my attraction to healthy and consistent men. Thankfully I was never attracted to the narcissist.

@laneneal3510

3 ай бұрын

So true

I was raised by someone I guess she would say he had narcissistic personality, but my husband it appears it was a covert, narcissist, cheater and liar. He sadly and unexpectedly passed away in September 2021. When I then learned why we had so many problems. This entire podcast is illuminating.

I was a truth teller scapegoat for my mother. I just grew up eating by myself in my bedroom or at a friends house or outside until I turned 18 and could move out. My mother’s drug addiction got worse and worse, especially after she lost me. As an adult, I have felt guilt for her and not doing more to support her, but then I come back to reality and tell myself I did the best I could for me, and that is ALL that matters. I literally grew up in an emotional prison. I did the absolute best I could. Then the guilt goes away. Blessings to you all that have survived and got through the struggle. You never could have been any stronger. You did the absolute best that you could.

@CalypsoSpiritz

16 күн бұрын

Oh my. I resonate with this. The survivor mentality, the guilt because the person you left behind continued to fail themselves and fall apart. They are responsible for their life, not yours. Remember who you had to be to get out in the first place. Life after prison is hard to adapt to, right? Sending love x

My sister will be so happy you just focused and talked about her for 1 hour 17 minutes. Thanks ladies. Very good listen

Hello everyone! Glad to watch this video today. I have to tell one of the stories that happened in my life. It’s short one. My mother was a great abuser, psychological and physical. I remember clear one day 3 of us, father, me and her were sitting for dinner in a restaurant, and I started saying something trembling voice and body, because I was in fear already, but she as always told me to shut up my mouth and be really quiet and don’t look at other person food, don’t touch, don’t ask for anything. My father was sad man, he couldn’t ever disagree with her because the fights later, and because she would punish me because of my father. I grew up in a very toxic environment and I am not psychopath by Gods miracle. I have trauma till today, I feel scared to talk, I lose the ground if a I have to. Deeply traumatized by my mother. I am a lawyer but I am not that successful because so much weakness in my personality. I am on therapy, hopping that I can turn my life over. Thank you.

@matthewthurn

3 ай бұрын

LSD and mushrooms 🍄. I am not joking. Start with very small doses ❤

My narcissistic called family actually cut me off because I wasn't like them. It was the best thing that could have happened to me.

@soniahathaway1

7 ай бұрын

Yup mine too! It used to hurt, but now, I realise the last thing I want is their toxicity touching me or those I care about. 🎉❤

24:45 3 critical things every child needs: 1. Secure Attachment: At least one primary care giver that is consistently available and the child is able to trust. This happens very early (1-3 years old). 2. Self Soothing & Disappointment: Children need to learn how to soothe themselves and be disappointed. They need to be present and learn that not every outcome is going to be the way they want it to be. 3. Empathy: You have to foster empathy and compassion into a child. This can be done through stories and books, but more importantly, it has to be modeled in the home, classroom and world.

@carmendominguezalfaya7578

Жыл бұрын

Having one loving empathetic parent does not always help. My husband, father of my daughters, was an abuser, a narcissist, yet I, the understanding, loving parent, is the one being mistreated and disrespected. I suppose they feel I did not do enough to protect them and must pay for his abuse. He was looked after until his recent death. At 79 years I am completely alone.

She is so good. This actually touches my heart. She's spot on, and what a caring person.

@JT0007

Жыл бұрын

Disagree. Dr R hates narcissists. But the thing is, every narcissist had a bad childhood. There are 0 or nearly 0 narcissists who had good childhoods. They were generally never loved and abused. In other words, it’s not the fault of the narcissist they are that way. Furthermore, any of us would be that way had we been born in their shoes. Dr R hates people (narcissists) even though they all had terrible childhoods and are the result of that trauma. Dr R needs to preach the empathy she pretends to have. 🇺🇸

@katinabotten

Жыл бұрын

Everyone is a narcissist to some degree. If u live in a huge house, no debt, life is great, and your talking at the store with a ragged looking poor person, it’s actually not narcissistic to look down on them, it’s called being a normal person who is just lucky in life and doesn’t understand what is like to dress poor or live in a shack. Would u label the Kardashians as narcissistic? I wouldn’t, they are just so wealthy they look down on normal people, but that is normal human behavior.

@JT0007

Жыл бұрын

@@katinabotten Kardashians are plastic narcissists for sure 🇺🇸

@katinabotten

Жыл бұрын

@@JT0007 they are normal people who just happen to be good looking and millionaires but they are not narcissistic, feeling beautiful and being wealthy doesn’t make a person narcissistic, they just feel good in their skin, and that is normal.

@thorwashere4730

Жыл бұрын

"We are all broken"

Omg this is my sister to a T. I’ve been abused by her my whole life. I don’t understand why. I am really hurting from my family’s abusive personalities. Thank you for explaining all this, I know I am not alone in this.

Dating narcissists? How about marrying narcissists? Back in the 1970s, no one recognized narcissism. I filed for divorce, and it took me decades to heal. There are hidden areas deep within my psyche that can still burst out when triggered. I have decided to stay single from now on.

Thank you!!! I’m tired of hearing people say you can’t diagnose people… because I feel we need to talk about narcissism way more to help people avoid decades of abuse.

@AZDC99

Жыл бұрын

In my humble opinion, those people are apparently just subconsciously MAD that people are catching on to their lifelong scheme

‘I am sorry for whatever you think I did to you”……is what I got…

Best podcast on narcissism I came across so far !!

I’m baffled when I hear such low percentages of those with NPD. My life has been filled with them…a parent, close friends while growing up, several women I’ve dated, and work colleagues and bosses. I think I’m a narc magnet. All I know is that I’ve spent my life feeling bullied by most around me, and it’s created personality traits (in the name of self defense even when it’s not warranted) that I absolutely abhor seeing in myself.

This described the malignant narcissist I divorced. To exist around him but not an escape from his verbal and physical abuse, neglect , cheating, and abandonments you have to have zero autonomy, boundaries, no self esteem ,self respect, confidence, goals, needs, passions, feelings, or emotions . You are basically a transactional, conditional , convenient background prop ,pawn , programmed disposable replaceable object existing only to serve him in a one side relationship.

I’m past the point of feeling guilty!! I will not agree to manipulation any more. Hallelujah I am ❤️‍🩹 healing!

I was the scapegoat truth sayer. My Mom hated me and put me down any chance she could. Thank you for sharing this. I am grateful!!

Thank you for sharing my mother's narcissism which poisons my oldest against me. My mom sets the trap, I get the bait, and my oldest daughter sees me as a monster. My oldest is 24, aligns with my mother against my family and me, along with a great husband and two girls. No contact is best with my mother; one prays for for my daughter wakes up to realize the wrong and lies and come clean.

@djenkins853

6 ай бұрын

This is my story too. My mother sucked my oldest daughter in and turned her against us and they both bash and trash me and anyone who “sides”with me.

I could never please my Mom, nor could I ever win with her no matter what I said or did or how I tried to deal with her. She was a malignant narcissist and she was always angry with me, always unhappy, always blaming, always controlling etc. She died in September of 2022 and it was the most freeing day of my life without a doubt. I cannot describe what it is like to finally have my own life and be able to live it and it was heartbreaking and painful always but I am so DAMN glad she’s removed from my life.

@FreedomProjects

Жыл бұрын

Fantastic 🎉 DR RAMINI is brilliant- been listening to her for years & healing is beyond belief!

@GallieSallie

Жыл бұрын

Yeah I get you. I have a much better relationship with my mom now that she's gone. :-)

@lauraestes9304

Жыл бұрын

@@grazynkatodisco4916 good view point. I like to think that the moment they die....they will know!!

@sandrablake2362

Жыл бұрын

I had an abusive Narc Dad. When he died I was released from the grips of his toxic behavior. I also never had a nightmare of him again. One I had had over n over of him wanting to kill me👿! It all ended with his death❤️. But, I ended up marrying a Narc😱😢. Lasted 42 years until I had to flee to save my life. I’m divorced now and healed and happy n safe🙏🏼 God be with you😘

@sandrablake2362

Жыл бұрын

@@grazynkatodisco4916 Oh no!! They know full well what they are doing 👊🏻. You need to listen to more of DR RAMANI’s videos 👍🏻

My ex-husband is a text book narcissist. I've got PTSD from the verbal mental and emotional abuse.

@Shofargirl1

Жыл бұрын

It happened to me also but I am healing well. Praise GOD. 🍃🕯🍃

@deborahwilliams5994

Жыл бұрын

Me, too.

@lilspaceduck11

Жыл бұрын

Me too, I have a great therapist that is helping me heal.

@MrsK976

Жыл бұрын

Did you have children with him?

@roxxyredandsweetiemow4028

Жыл бұрын

@@MrsK976 yes I did. I came into the relationship with one child and had 3 more by him.

"I don't know if anybody else listening is having the experience that I'm having but I'm getting a pit in my stomach..." YESSSSSSS

@alhana8293

3 күн бұрын

Read this the moment she was saying it! Gave me chills

I love listening to Dr R 💗 She helped me understand a lot of toxic behaviours from my grandma-dad-sister trio. I can also openly say that I can see some of those toxic traits in myself at times and it helps me to become a better person. Thank you 🥰

Holy crap! At 23:55 she starts explaining my sister. The golden child. The star of the show.

@Blueshirt2023

4 ай бұрын

Same here! I also experienced a narcissisticsister whole life! God knows how much she has damaged me ! I suffered a lot!!!! I wish i could handle it earlier! 😢

I love these two amazing women. At the top of their game, truly empathetic and genuine, they restore my faith in humanity

Excuse me my brother has been that way all my life. I think the part of his brain that shows empathy doesn’t exist except for himself. Dad was absolutely fantastic, my brother was mom’s favorite and could do no wrong. I show empathy to others but when they push the limits I will shut them down. Do I like doing that no but I grew up around it so I can recognize it. I haven’t spoken to my brother in 20yrs and I haven’t seen him in over 20yrs.

We totally had roles. My brother was the golden child. My sister was the scapegoat. I was generally ignored and told to go away. I natually spent most of my teen life at home in my room. I was not allowed to do certain activities art, or music because my siblings were doing that.

The pain I’ve suffered from narcissistic people , mainly my mother , was horrific!,, years in counciling,, diagnosed c-ptsd , depression,, it changed me ,, I’ve isolated myself for years,, but I’ve learned a lot,, thank you Mel ,and Dr Ramani!!❤

I’m crying! When Dr. Ramani said “they’re not allowed to have a reality outside of the parent”. It really hit home that is exactly how I feel about my mother I was ticking off the list with Mel😢

@Lulu-pq5wq

Жыл бұрын

Yeah. A narcissistic parent sees the child as an accessory, an extension, a tool, but never as a person.

@jenniferkipp4974

Жыл бұрын

I cried several times while watching this. Was nearly 50 and cut my mother off. She's dead to me. Anyone that says "don't say that" can suck it. Spent my entire life with the crap she drilled into me, and am surprised I'm not dead. You don't teach children to be people pleasers, and tools.

@le_th_

Жыл бұрын

Yes, and this is how *most* of us live our childhoods when one or more of our parents are a narcissist. You have people out here who understand what you went through because we lived through some version of it, too. It's probably not exactly the same...but so many elements will be, and most especially how it made us feel.

@katinabotten

Жыл бұрын

Forget the past, block it out. Being up here is actually opening the doors to your pain. Get a hobby that u will love, and do that, don’t focus on people that don’t matter in life, even if it means being alone.

@pjpredhomme7699

Жыл бұрын

@@jenniferkipp4974 actually plenty of people do that is a part of socialization. it is just a matter of the scale. Anyone who says don't say that has no reference point of a narc parent . I have always found it helpful to think of it as buttons that when pushed you are programmed to respond in a certain way, So when you recognize that you can avoid those buttons - and program new ones . That is the best you are ever going to be able to do - we cannot change our past - but we don;t have to continue reliving it - over and over again

Omg. Scares Me. I was raised by a narcissistic person. Granted I walked away from all that but now I even see these things in Myself sometimes. I really need therapy.

@edithbannerman4

Жыл бұрын

@Hello there, how are you doing this blessed day?

This is Jennifer De La Paz, Mel. I can only pray that my comment will be one of the thousands you get to read. First of all, I am so grateful for you. PERIOD! For the first time, I finished watching 2 consecutive episodes. Your authenticity is palpable. If only you knew how I feel heard without talking to you, is in itself a miracle for me. From the tip of my finger to your heart, I deeply thank you for the “I love you” sign off. I am like, “ Wow. A complete stranger cares about how I truly feel.” - Hence, I am crying a river typing this comment. God bless you.

I’m a very agreeable person who is a flexible introvert. Very sociable but LOVE BEING ALONE, grew up with narcissistic mother. Dr Ramani has helped me SO MUCH!!! I LOVE YOU DR R!!!!!!

@ganymeade5151

Жыл бұрын

There are many dysfunctional and abusive families in America.

@m42037

Жыл бұрын

Lol

@NailNinjalu_bee21

Жыл бұрын

​@Ken Sturm whats funny

my Mother is a narcissist, I only realised a few years ago. I can't even describe the damage that has been done. I will never forget, but I will never be like that to my children

Thank you so much for this. I thought I knew everything about narcissists and I learned so much from this. My niece’s favorite apology is ‘I’m sorry you feel that way’. I’ve never heard her use any other because she’s quite sure she’s never done anything wrong… and the discussion about authenticity was very helpful, especially that authentic people usually have a smaller circle of people in their lives because they’ve done the work to cull it down to those who appreciate them as they are… whew!

All good information. I liked when Mel recognized she's dealt with a narcissist but then asked the question later, how do I know I'm not the narcissist.... exactly...My question is, how can people live a healthy productive, loving relationship while not just disowning your entire family that you love? Healthy boundaries? Being healthy yourself? Not fueling narciccists? Knowing what to expect from a narcissist and realizing that is just them and not getting offended and just letting them be them? And for purselves, listen more, talk less and recognizing empathy for the other person but not letting yourself be abused?

I love it.. “I had a whole day alone and saw no one and loved it “😂 This is me also 😂😂❤

Educating on narcissism is essential. Thank you

Thank you so much for the explanation into what the life of an authentic person is like - just an hour before starting this episode I was busy telling an ex that I don’t care what he says about me, I don’t care what anyone thinks of me, I’m not going to pretend to be someone I am not. ❤

@laneneal3510

3 ай бұрын

My motto: what people think of me is none of my business.

I finally stood up to my narcissistic sister. Thought I was going to feel bad, but I felt great !🤣🤣🤣

All of the narcissistic people in my life have been pampered and given everything and never had to take responsibility, was very spoilt as a child, taking that formed behaviour throughout life.Always wanting their needs met. And throwing their narcissistic rage when their needs are not being met, and it is always everyone's else's fault.

My mother is a narcissist, and then I married one. And then during my divorce I befriended a female narcissist. And then I broke it off with her too. I hope I'm done with narcissists for good. Being agreeable is a liability unless your boundaries are rock solid.

@growingandlearning164

Жыл бұрын

Yes similar experience.When you have one as a parent you often attract them.

Terrific podcast. Don't feel so alone after listening and don't feel so guilty at cutting people (family and friends included in that) and for distancing myself from the many game players. Once people see you as a victim some will see you as prey so beware of individuals in the wider community. So looking forward to Doctor Ramanis social network, we'll be bright stars in a new universe. 😊

Every time I listen to you guys I learn. I’m 66 and I now know my paternal grandfather was a narc. I knew he was petty and mean when I was little and as I aged I saw more of it. At 19 I stood up to him. He never spoke to me again. I still think it was funny. Here’s a gaslighting example; he showered us with jewelry when all five of us were little. I took it all in for appraisal as an adult. Glass. Every bit. 10k gold. Are ya visualizing it? He raised two narcs. Both my parents and sister were/are narcs. I was surrounded. And born and introvert. Dr R. ….when you described your personality it was mine mirrored. Holy cow. Thanks for the validation. A weight was lifted off me.❤😊

I had a narcissistic boss. He destroyed my mental health. I finally quit and needed treatment with medication, therapy and mindfulness for 2+ years to recover…. Still have flashbacks to the horror

@jaclynh9343

3 ай бұрын

Omg I'm so sorry. It's real for sure. I understand.